Same for me. I realized partway in that it was clear he went through some insane level evil in his childhood. Really hope he gets top notch therapy. Not the regular stuff he can only heal with an expert.
I do feel sorry for him. But at the same time I can definitely understand how his wife just couldn't keep dealing with this every time something unpleasant happened in their lives. She probably couldn't even rely on him paying a phone bill.
My spouse does this. He dissociates every single time a conversation goes deeper than the surface. This is why divorce is just around the corner. He has been to therapy but won't out in tye effort to make his life better. We wives are not here to give up our happiness to tiptoe around someone else's trauma. I sincerely hope this caller is in a better place today.
Go sister. I tip toed for decades, kept my shield up for the assaults. He didn't go for help and ruined 2 lives, mine and my sons. We are gone. You have to save yourself at some point.
It’s really hard when you know they are traumatized but by leaving it makes them face that their coping mechanism is not working And is the most loving thing you can do.
Interesting comments. I've been at the end of my rope for so so long. I've been checked our for over a year. I have two beautiful children and am just physically and mentally spent on giving any more to what feels like a nasty abyss.
This is the reason why such horrendous crimes against the most innocent among us must be punished way harder than they are. Those monsters ruin peoples lives for generations to come. I am so sorry for this man on this call and so proud of him for making this call. How difficult this must be. I wish you nothing but healing and love
@Lola yes, completely. But it probably came from generations before too. It's not as easy as "those monsters" (and ofc they are, of course they deserve that label and everything you wrote is 100% true) - but the uncomfortable truth also is that most perpetrators never got a working toolkit themselves, never got outlets, never got really safe cultural spaces etc. We need vulnerarbility and open discussions, we need equality among genders, breaking stereotypes to stop the cycles - instead of thinking of good and evil. That is a comforting, religious kindergardener way to think about things. It is not that easy and we all need to take responsibility every day to do better as the new generation.
@@ena.takeoverso I should wish that 40 yr old man that took my virginity at 4 yrs old and rearranged my guts for over a year had an outlet??? He was evil and I found him in my 30's and blew his face off. That's something a kindergartener wouldt do. But he was a hurting man that needed help.. you've have nothing ever happen to you or your kids. Don't comment on $hit you know zero about you twat
@@ena.takeoverclearly you were never SA’ed as a child or adolescent. Had you been, you wouldn’t be thinking in these “terms.” Saying that putting things as good and bad is a “kindergarten way of thinking about things” is not only the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s so, so wrong! It’s so funny to me how many people can put such GenX verbiage to things, just so that they feel wise or smarter than - you are neither here. Just so you know, most perpetrators who are some of the worst offenders have had outlets to not offend or to not become a repeat offender for decades, but they chose to continue the cycle, or, are first timers who had these sick desires and still chose to act upon them. I refuse, as a child of SA and as an adolescent of r*pe, to ever hear that we should pity anyone who has done the things that myself and countless others have had to endure, and now carry for the remainder of our lives, because “poor pity them, they didn’t have the proper outlets” and they aren’t “good nor bad” that’s “just a label.” No hunny, it’s pure evil!! It’s literally the devil and his minions inflicting such sadistic and heinous acts upon the innocent. That is what I call BAD. Think long and hard next time before you spout your nonsense that you clearly have zero knowledge about, because this is true “kindergarten ways of thinking.” I pray that you nor anyone that you love ever has to endure anything of this magnitude just to wake you up from such distorted and ignorant thinking, I truly do.
@@ena.takeoverWe also need to teach kids HOW to parent. From year 12 upwards. Emotional intelligence should be taught as part of the school curriculum.
And it's 100% true. I have had several deaths in my family including my youngest child and mother. While I don't typically express grief through a lot of crying, what I realize looking back is that I don't remember much during those times of immense grief. Like literally, months/years are completely blocked. Memory loss is certainly a coping mechanism.
@@Yaya-cl3tu I’m so sorry that must have been really hard for you 🥺 i can’t imagine. I went through a pretty dark depression for 3-4 years and I honestly only can remember certain things if I try really hard. I got really good at disassociating to get away from the hurt I was in.
My goodness, I'm so furious for this man, and what this trauma has done to him. It's so unfair and cruel, because now he's losing his wife over damages that were done TO him and stunted his ability to function socially. I pray he gets every bit of help and love and support that he so desperately needs right now. My heart is just broken for this poor, sweet man.
Well said. I believe this is why my husband and I divorced, unhealed childhood trauma. The past stole our present and future. I'm proud of man for calling for help.
👏🏿 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 to Dr.Jonh for not exploiting his trauma. He wasn't ready, and Dr.Jonh as the professional that he is saw it an didn't allow him to go there without proper guidance. Amazingly conducted call.
‘You need to see a good trauma therapist immediately’ (paraphrase) This man : ‘ what will happen?’ My God…. You can hear the wounded child in his adult male voice. Please Lord help this man.
I can feel..been there. I am so sorry for you. I still have challenges, I'm 64. Please ya'all... I'm begging you.... I don't know where to write this, but please, please, cease using my God's name in vain. John! You should know not to say: MY God! OMG....... I know it seems so petty to some.. but God has brought me through so much pain in my life and married life of 45 years! It's been hard!! God is the love of my life, no
@@susangrande8142 ...hi Susan.. no offense here, but the Bible says explicitly : Thou shalt NOT use the name of the Lord your God in vain.. Anyways...however you see it.....
@@gosplesongs8153 okay; what is God’s name them? Tell me that. As I said: “God” is a title. So is “Adonai,” which means lords or masters in Hebrew. Yes, plural. And another title.
I say this after a lot of Dr.. Delony’s calls, but especially this one - I’d really like to go 6-12 months down the road and see where this caller is. If he has gotten help, his life could be on the way to being completely, wonderfully different.
“One of the hallmarks of childhood abuse is that everything has a … at the end of it ‘cause you’re never quite sure where it’s coming from.” 🤯 people have always teased me about being indecisive and you just nailed it.
me too. Someone once told me that I trail off at the end of my sentences when I'm talking. and I think that's what he was talking about. So interesting. And how he could tell he might have sexual abuse because of his words.
My life literally changed the day I read “The Body Keeps The Score”. I had no idea of all the issues carrying trauma for so long causes to our bodies. I suggest everyone to read that too.
I have deep sympathy for this guy. These things happened at an age where he could remember them, but he only knows what he’s been told because his brain was so traumatized, it completely blocked out years of his childhood. I really hope and pray he gets the help he needs.
I am in awe of how John conveys his love for total strangers over a phone call. I aspire to do the same and be that peace for those around me. Thank you for the example, Dr. Delony ❤
That was the bravest call I think I've ever heard on this show. I really respect how John heard every time the caller was about to be past the level of what he could deal with and simplified the question or changed directions to re-empower the caller to speak what he could and as much as he could without overloading him.
As another victim of extreme childhood trama with sexual abuse this made me breakdown in tears. I understand what it is like to be in his shoes other than everything triggered the memories of the event, it wasn't repressed. Therapy is a godsend please get help.
@@Joel-pg4yiexactly. I tried to “get help” from 5 different counselors/therapists and two different priests. None even came close to helping. All they wanted to try was medication’s, anxiety meds, depression meds, sleep meds etc. I have an addictive personality and refused the medications, aside from the depression meds, though they made absolutely zero difference to me. Other than causing me to gain weight which just made me feel worse. Of course the trauma from CSA resulted in my choosing a man who suffered from the same kinds of issues as my abusers too, so more trauma on top of the childhood stuff. Then add medical issues on top of that and it’s a recipe for more of the same. At this point I’m just too damn tired for any of it.
As someone who scored very high on the ACES test because of childhood trauma, I really, really, really hope he gets the help he needs. My therapist was trained in dealing with trauma and if she didn't walk along with me in my journey, I never would have healed. She was amazing and allowed me the space to deal with stuff on my terms. I needed that peace in my life before it robbed me of my future. I am not my parents and the trauma they caused, ends with me.
This is the first time I can remember feeling so connected to a caller. I knew right away what was going on with his mind because I have experienced this too. I am going to keep you in my prayers, Mr Caller. I wish we could check in on your progress. Stay in counseling as long as you need. It took me years but my life is so much better and I am so happy, content and doing so well, I wish the same for you!
From the videos I've seen so far, this is Dr. Delony's best call. I have no formal training on any of these topics, but I think he absolutely knocked it out of the park with this poor caller. I feel so bad for this guy, I hope he finds peace and healing.
My dad and his siblings had a horrible childhood and my uncle cant remember anything about childhood. Brain protects itself! I relate to this man, my brain dissociates with hard things too.
I am a woman and I speak from experience far too many men fail to deal with their stuff in healthy ways and knowingly or unknowingly spend their whole lives punishing others for THEIR refusal to get out of denial. John cut through 50 years of a mans bs denial about this lack guys of healthy coping skills that likely led to his divorce.
My marriage with the now ex was a casualty of trauma that he went through long before we met. He has now moved on with someone else (started an affair with while married) I know he will carry on the same behaviour as he has refused to acknowledge he needs help and takes it out on every one else.
Woah that's a supremely one-sided judgy judgy assessment. Maybe SHE wasn't safe-enough or the type of person where one can feel safe to express feelings and dig into tough convos etc. Maybe he could actually talk to her, but not on convos that touch his trauma. Maybe she wasn't a nice person...or a good wife...or a patient lover...or or or etc etc. Maybe SHE couldn't cut it and work with her husband etc. There's many many variables as to why it didn't work out so attributing the main reason for her leaving on his one personal "weakness" is rude. Rude in judgement and manner. Yuck.
@@SalznPfeffer658 He literally said that she told him twice when she was leaving and he couldn't remember. If its a trauma induced issued thats fine but its difficult to be in a relationship with someone who forgets whole conversations that are difficult and need to be discussed. Did ya miss that part of the call?
Wow! Totally judgmental! The obvious thing is both of them should have counseling instead of just bailing out! They have a child together. Also, why you need marital counseling before getting married. It would of been addressed before marriage not afterwards!
He has a massive issue with dissociating during heavy or traumatic events. To the point where he can’t even talk to his wife about regular big deal topics. I can’t blame her for leaving. That’s almost impossible to deal with.
@@blackcrow3718 only we can manage our triggers. But going with it and for argument’s sake saying she was terrible, even then a healthy person would have different boundaries and exit the relationship different.
I blame her for leaving. It’s not impossible to deal with, it’s just hard. If she’s the type of spouse to leave when her marriage becomes hard and difficult, she’ll be divorced again soon enough.
This was the first time a call brought me to tears. Such anguish in his voice and exhaustion from carrying that for so long. Sending him all the love and prayers for healing and recovery. 💔❤️🩹
I love how he asked what was going to happen at therapy. Its the fear of the unknown that keeps a lot of us stuck. I wish him much success in the future 🙏
Him describing dissociating during a conversation as the other person "talking through a pillow" was spot on. That is exactly what it feels like to me. My head feels fuzzy and vacant. I used to dissociate so much that it was my normal state; my memory was so terrible I thought I was getting stupid or developing early onset dementia. I'd forget entire conversations, experiences, large blocks of time, etc. Trauma therapy (EMDR, DBT, somatic therapy and parts work, _not_ CBT-based talk therapy) was absolutely vital in helping me to realize that I was "floating away" all the time as a protective measure. Staying in the present could be so incredibly painful. I'm wishing the very best for this man, his soon to be ex-wife and their daughter 💙
@@kellharris2491 Very much so! That was something I didn't know when I first tried therapy for myself 3 years ago; I thought it was all the same. And thank you 🥰
That wouldn’t help because his defense mechanism would go back up when he listens to the recording. Plus, that doesn’t address the problem. It’s just a band-aid.
Reality is there’s not a lot of therapists who come close to John. This call was extremely valuable for the caller. Therapists I came across are very neutral, they just listen and sympathize, also affirm the victim narrative and induce poor me thinking. Thank god I have mentors who teach me to take 100% responsibility for my life and hold me accountable, if I wouldn’t have that I would succumb to victimhood land. I would advise for people seeking help to vent for the right therapist first. Have 5-6 appointments first and ask questions. You need someone who will hold you accountable and not treat you like you are weak poor thing not capable of doing much and shouldn’t ask yourself to do much because of everything you ve gone through. I love the fact John will still hold you accountable even though you ve been through a lot.
You are a wonderful therapist, particularly for men. My heart goes out to this man. I hope he gets to meet and comfort his child self. I love this show.
While I pray for this man to work thru his trauma, I honestly can understand why his wife left him. Relationships/marriages are HARD when you shut down in the nitty gritty and don’t/can’t communicate (this man can’t remember important stuff) things are inevitably going to fall apart. I hope this man can find his peace.
Yes. And your spouse cannot fix you, no matter how hard you both try. It isn’t their job either. Trauma negatively impacts many marriages and relationships if it isn’t addressed by a professional therapist.
The truth will set you free, sir. No matter how ugly it is, unless you face it and speak it out loud, you will not even begin the healing process. It's going to hurt, it's going to make you crumple up and cry like a baby, it's going to make you really angry, but do it. Get in there and eventually that wound is going to clean itself out. Think of it like purging yourself so you can move forward in your life. Good luck to you.
I have dissociative PTSD from my time in the service. I have been taking Duloxetine for depression and anxiety. I have also been to a psychologist to ensure I have healthy coping mechanisms. I know that's very personal, but my story can help others. Please seek a psychologist AND a psychiatrist's professional services if you are blocking out trauma. You're not broken. You're just off track like a perfectly new train off a track. It works, but it can't move forward. I love you brother.
I have PTSD from childhood abuse and my Army service, and EFT and EMDR have been lifesavers for me. I’m so much healthier inside now that I have those tools to use.
@tosca donna I'm glad to hear that! I know others with childhood trauma/sexual abuse. It's still not taken seriously enough, and many shrug off hearing that it has caused PTSD. That's not fair or correct. Thank you for your service. You're amazing!
Thank you, Dr. John for your empathy and kindness and talking to this caller who is very hurt and is experiencing a lot of emotional and psychological pain, and steering him in the right direction to get the help he needs.
I hope he goes for the help he needs. Listening to this call, so much reminded me of my husband of 30 years. I didn't understand what was going on with him, bur it caused many problems in our marriage over 30 years. Later he fell into depression, but I felt like I just couldn't reach him, as he would do that where he dissociated during difficult talks. He couldn't have those conversations. I for years felt not heard. Finally when he was 70 and I was 72, (almost 2 years ago) , I told him I couldn't take it anymore and was leaving him. I never really was going to leave, but thought that was the only way to get his attention, and show him that I meant it. The next morning he took his own life. Now I am alone at 74, missing him terribly and ridden with guilt over it being my fault for threatening to leave. I loved him, but just didn't understand about this problem. I wish I had learned about all this before. I would have gotten him help and handled everything so much differently. I pray that caller gets the help so that he can have a good life and future.
Beautiful, Jay! Now the issue has moved into your whole being, body and soul - now you please make a good end to this unfinished business and you look up a trauma therapist, do it, and then visit your husband's grave continuously and tell about the progress you make in therapy for both you. I pray you can do it! It will mean so much! This guilt and all, is too much for one soul to carry, open yourself to support!
Don’t blame yourself, Jay. People have to choose healing for themselves. I do know about this and I’ve still lost people. It doesn’t always work out. Big hugs to you and Jack, the caller, may you both find peace in this life. ❤
JayP, is not your fault. You are not a mind reader. He never communicated what really happened and you were there dealing alone with all the situations that his disconnected behavior caused. Forgive yourself. Maybe someone from his family knew about his problems and never told you. God bless you.
@@MommasPeachCobbler True, she doesn't "owe" it, but I think if he asked her, and she did have love for him at one point (and probably still does to some extent), it would be very loving and kind of her.
This is probably the most gut-wrenching call I have heard on the show. It's not what the caller said. It's what he didn't say. It's what he couldn't say because his body it's working so hard to protect him from the trauma of it all. Sybil.. It would not surprise me at all if he has some sort of dissociation personality disorder. My heart breaks for this guy and his family.
It's curious that this call is clearly a stressful situation, you can hear it in his voice that he is in distress, he's saying he's gonna cry so that's him admitting that it's a stressful situation, he even started talking about his trauma and yet he's able to remember and concentrate every single thing that the Doctor is saying to him but when his wife is talking to him he's conveniently blocking her out. Wonder how that works.
Driving me insane listening to this. I hope this called is doing well bc I doubt Dr John achieved much. I hope to God the called os frickin listening and takes to heart what he’s being told
After 42 years of marriage, I too have left my husband. My husband has refused to face the neglect and physical trauma suffered in childhood. Inside he still is a child who can’t grow up emotionally. He hides in his work; I cannot imagine retirement years with him….
"He hides in his work." That is very interesting. I bet he is an entirely different person at work. Because the kinds of things I hear women complain about their husbands doing or not doing--not listening, tuning them out, not carrying through on their promises to take care of things--would not be tolerated in the workplace for very long. Your boss tells you to do something, you'd better do it. Your boss says, you need to stop doing this, you need to change how you interact with others, you'd better listen and not zone out or disassociate. That's not a roadmap to a successful career and I think deep down most people know it. Yet when it comes to marriage and relationships, all that seems go out the window. Why is that?
Caller, I can promise you with all the genuineness inside me.. If you search help, you can receive it. If you receive it, you can heal. Maybe not 100%, because I don’t feel like any of us can do that, but 90something percent. A few years down the line, you’ll wonder why you didn’t get help sooner. We believe in you because we can see you on the other side, healthier and happier, for you and your daughter. Best of luck. It won’t be easy, but the journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. ;)
"she said something about me not paying attention or something about how I never listen. I don't know. I can't really remember because I was mostly thinking about cats" I'm trying to make a joke but after listening to the rest of the guy sounds like he has a lot of trauma from his childhood. I hope he gets some help. It sounds like he's developed a defense mechanism that works for protecting himself but it doesn't work for communication or having a partnership with someone because when things get heavy he is literally blocking it out. It's really hard to be on the other end of someone who can't communicate well. Especially in a partnership/marriage. The human mind is very fascinating. Even if you've blocked out all your trauma and you still, like the host said here, can GPS it. If you don't remember things from your childhood you will remember something that went wrong or a time where you felt scared/alone and you can normally work back from that. I hope he can find some peace and some better tools to work with.
@@WillIam79-c7f I don't know about her, man. But this guy sounds like he has a lot of trauma from his childhood after listening to the full call. I hope he gets some help. It sounds like he's developed a defense mechanism that works for protecting himself but it doesn't work for communication or having a partnership with someone because when things get heavy he is literally blocking it out. It's really hard to be on the other end of someone who can't communicate well. There are two sides that every story but this is just what I'm hearing it from the rest of this call. I hope he can find some peace.
THANK YOU JOHN. I tune into you most often. This discussion you showed me you are a professional . Yes I understand its difficult to get launched. Views. Followers . You did good 👍. He not his brain is broken. Out of alignment from where he wants to be, yes and working hard. Thank you for showing him support and a path. Well done.
My dad is 65 and was horribly abused when he was a child. I wish I could’ve found Dr. John’s work when I was younger, and I could’ve shown him this video. The part where Dr. John describes peace: all the things that he says you wouldn’t have to do anymore like get mad when someone cuts you off, my dad does all those things. He’s never really been at peace the way I am. Because he gave me a good safe life. And I’m afraid it would be too painful for him to try to make progress and receive healing at this late age in life. I’m just glad these videos are out there for other people so that maybe they can get some help when they still have most of their life ahead of them
I'm 54 and I am healing from my childhood trauma. It's never too late to love yourself and find peace. There are always commenter's saying " I'm 70 years old and I found peace..."
Men are usually only loved by their mom and their wife. I guess not all have those even. A decent woman is a safe place and tremendously healing. A selfish wife only thinks about what she gets out of everything
@dazza8551 Helped him at her expense you mean. I'm guessing she stayed with him for years until she finally hit a breaking point. This guy needs intensive therapy. His wife is not a therapist.
This is a heart-wrenching journey. To the caller, I feel your pain and I wish you much peace and healing. I have a dissociative disorder from childhood trauma. I'm still in the depths of it all with a trauma therapist. I hope one day I know what peace feels like. I would love to hear a follow-up on this callers progress. This can help a lot of people.
I really appreciate how John is able to see the signs of bigger issues and in a loving way help guide people to treating the Source over the symptoms when they likely would’ve never seen that or allowed themselves to otherwise
My wife and I are going to start marriage counseling. We have been fighting a lot and I have made a lot of changes trying to make things better but it seems like it got worse the harder I tried. I finally threatened to leave. I believe she has a hormone imbalance but she won’t get it checked. I am hoping the counselor can suggest it. I have given up so much to make her happy and I’m dead inside now. I love my kids and that is why I’m trying to fix this.
I bet he completely tuned her out long before she left and that's a big part of why she left. And if he totally forgets all bad things that happen, she had to deal with them alone.
Gosh this hits hard, my husband just left our house very unexpectedly. I have 3 boys who we adopted and my heart breaks for them and for me. He s completely abandoned most of our friends and family. It seems like out of nowhere. This is going to be a hard Christmas for us.
💔 You can and will get through it because your kids need you too. It's okay to lay on the bathroom floor crying your eyes out, but then you get back up and continue on. Eventually the hard parts will become your new routines and you will find joy again. 💖
My friend and classmate was abandoned by her husband after they adopted 6 children together. He told her he never wanted to adopt children. I feel so bad for her. She didn’t push him into anything, and now he’s pretending that he wasn’t ever onboard. Diabolical.
@@toscadonna My dad and his dad think part of it is jealously of the kids. I sometimes think men don't want to work through what they think to be horrible and unacceptable feelings. It's easier to run because usually it's an "easy" option. I should say he has service related PTSD as well and I think he has other triggers he's trying to get away from but the root of it is discontentment and bitterness.
@@lizaw.7313 I am so sorry for what you and your boys have been going through. When you say “jealousy of the kids”, do you mean that he’s jealous of the attention that you are giving to the kids which used to be attention for him? Or do you mean that he’s jealous of the good life you’ve provided for the boys, because he didn’t have a good/secure childhood? I’m just curious. I think you’re 100% correct about men running from difficult feelings. 💗
A few months after I went through trauma, I was sitting in a lecture but couldn't hear what the professor was saying. Odd. It kept happening. I went to Student Health & told them I was having hearing problems & need a hearing exam. Moral of story: trauma *physically* wrecks your body to where you can hear words and instantly forget them (my hearing was fine). Even if your brain switches off, YOUR BODY REMEMBERS
It's called "disassociation," the mind does this to protect you from trauma. Even if I get slightly uncomfortable from like a guy creeping on me at the bar, I can feel myself slip because of severe PTSD. Grounding techniques are useful here, name all of your senses and how you are using them. I see...the blue wallpaper, I hear...the tv, I smell the candle...etc. Recording convos, using a notepad for q and a, and texting convos also helps me remember. However, if it is something uncomfortable because of what I'm* doing, I try harder to not slip away than if I'm not involved. I don't want to hurt anyone. Not looking at the person directly helps me focus on what they're saying.
This conversation has opened my mind. This is good. I didn’t realize a person can tune out situations due to the body protecting itself from trauma. Wow!!
I've been over the road for 23 years. There's an endless amount of solitude and loneliness on the road. I hope this man gets the help he needs, it sounds like it needs to be a family matter.
when you’re dealing with a person that’s absent you could only do so much and now that he has lost this person that has been his crutch he has two choices continue life being absent or face the very obvious problems that have been haunting and terrorizing him
I could literally feel my own answer in my bones. Every cell in my body: I don't know if I can survive walking back across the coals... Time, baby. It takes time, and one day that fact will bring you comfort too.
I agree, out of the blue someone came at me in the same way my father used to do. It totally triggered me and I went on defense mode, I did what I couldn't do as a child.
This one made me cry single tear style at the very end when Jack joked he was afraid of sleep.. I realized how intense the nightmare symptom of his PTSD must be. This is such an intense exploration of what the worst trauma does to people. It's such a deep call.
Dr. Delony is such a quick study, sensing, palpating issues and coping strategies two sentences in based on tone, breathing and mountains of experience. A strong man who loves other men, who talks directly, kindly, is a gift to the men, the women they interact with and the children they’ve fathered. Very powerful work.
John...thank you for saying "You're not broken". I know this was for this guy calling in but I have felt lately as if I am broken. I have ptsd and it's horrible with thunder and loud noises. I was abused for almost half my life. Thankfully I got out from my folks house age 22 but in 2017 something triggered...I donnow what but it's been an immense challenge. I've worked through a lot but since there's about 2 decades there's till layers to confront. I feel someday as if I am broken. It helped hearing this. God bless and thank you
I barely remember my childhood.....it was very traumatizing for a long time I couldn't understand why I do now. This call was hard to listen to.....I'm so sorry for this guy. Now I understand my husband a little better. Too.....he had a difficult childhood too.
That's why he was stopped when he almost started talking about exactly what might have happened. Delaney said to not go behind that curtain alone this evening.
Ive delt with the same trauma he has but i dont feel like not speaking about it is affecting me but it probably is. I wonder how my husband feels. It started sooo soo young and it was by my own family members. Idk til this day i cant bring myself to hate anyone for doing bad things to me or my mothers mistreatment of me. I just burry myself in college work and finances.
This was heartbreaking. I hope he heals. It’s so hard to hear the pain in his voice and it’s tragic that trauma he experienced as an innocent child has caused him to lose so much. Was there ever an update on him? I hope he’s doing better.
Its pretty clear that he's on autopilot. He's been abused and his brain shuts down when anxiety goes up. He doesn't want to face reality because the ptsd cmes up 🙏.
Oh my heart broke when Dr. John asked if he was abusive and he said "not that I'm aware of" :( what a sweet and humble and conscientious person. You can tell he'd never ever hurt that little girl on purpose, but he doesn't have enough faith in himself or in the world to be able to say with certainty that she's 100% safe. I wish I could give him a hug
Yes get a trauma therapist. Not a trauma INFORMED therapist that just wants you to become desensitized to the story. As soon as he said he can't remember things I immediately knew he had complex trauma from childhood. Poor guy 😔
Exactly! Trauma informed only means having a basic understanding of base level physical signs someone might be overwhelmed and some stuff. That term doesn't actually mean they know how to work with the actual trauma.
My mom does this and it drives me nuts, she doesn’t remember people making her cry but I do and I hold grudges like no one else 😂 working on it but how she can forgive and forget drives me nuts.
My husband is like this, but through our marriage, he’s become more willing to handle tough conversations. His forgetfulness made it hard to have reoccurring conversations about dangerous patterns of ourselves or others. It was very hard to ask for a stop to bad patterns when he insisted there were none, everytime was a first time to him. I’ve accepted that I’m the memory-carrier, and he is the reconciler. Both our roles are important to making our marriage work.
The more people age the more they have difficulty remembering. My mom can remember something we did 30 years ago but can't remember something that happened or did last week.
He lived through hell. I didn’t remember much of anything about my childhood until my BPD mom assaulted me a few weeks after we buried Dad. BOOM! It all came back. I spent a couple years in trauma therapy. EMDR was lifesaving for me.
