My Life with a Narcissistic Mother 

When people talk about child abuse people automatically think the worst. But abuse can look like gaslighting, scapegoating, triangulation, and being used as a pawn to someone else's game. But when you try to explain it to others, they dismiss you and you end up thinking that there is nothing wrong because they don't see anything wrong.

I haven’t finished the video yet but wow, watching this video kind of reaffirms my choice to remain childfree. I used to tell people I didn’t think I had the “mom” in me, and in a way with your story it’s kind of reminded me of that. I am at the part of about the careless way she packed your lunch. I too have been accused of being careless by certain friends and family. I have a pretty flippant attitude at times and I don’t always consider how my low effort actions might negatively impact others. It’s like I just can’t be bothered to care sometimes but you cannot be like that with children. You have to care.

I relate to so much of this. My father was present and also exhibited narcissistic behavior. I didn’t realize what I went through was abnormal or wrong until I had my own child and realized that I didn’t want to treat my child the way I had been treated.

I WONDER IF YOUR MOTHER LOSING INTEREST IN YOU COINCIDED WITH YOUR FATHER LOSING INTEREST IN HER?! I SEE THAT HAPPENING ALL THE TIME WITH WOMEN.

Wow, amazing how this parallels my upbringing with my NM, but I had a loving father but unfortunately he lived in the shadows even though he was 1000 times more of a parent than my NM. I love your locks. They look so beautiful on you.

Love long videos

Been listening since 2008❤

Wow! This video is very insightful. Thank you for putting it out there.congrats on your son and new fellow.! I've learnt a few things .

I’ve been waiting with bated breathe for this one. Looking forward to a long one!

Thank you for this - there are so many parallels with my life here, it's uncanny.

Subscribed! Love this content

Thank you for sharing. So much of your story resonates with my mother.

Me and my cousin went through a tomboy phase-we had an emotionally abusive aunt that we lived with for years before we parted ways, me to Canada with my mom, her to another family member (who treated her better). She neglected our appearance, talked down to us and was constantly stonewalling us. It’s taken us years to undo the damage. My cousin also shudders to think of how attractive being a trans man would have been to her back then.

Thank you so much for your story! We have so much in common growing up. Please keep telling your story because it helps me not think or feel like I'm the nut case! Your intelligence and eloquence is much to be desired. I would be interested to hear about your grandmother and how your upbringing affected your relationships with men (and women).

I enjoyed this long video. thank you for sharing your story....I could relate so much.

Welcome back. ❤️ The O.G

You back ❤

Im only half way through the video but a lot that has been said has really hit home, especially the stone walling. It’s something that both of my parents did to me growing up and it’s something that I have adopted and have noticed myself doing to my husband on occasion. Habits like these are sooooo damaging to children and spouses. I am working hard not to pass these things on to my future children.

Ufffff., this brings so many memories. Please, be carefull with her..they can play nice for a longer time, but will sneak back and suck the life out of you and cause severe damage without you noticing, how bad it is...slowly cooking you like a frog, until you are half destroyed. My mother is dead for 5 years now and this was the best thing she ever did for me...

I am so sorry for what happened to you. It is so painful to live through this.

When I was growing up I had dealt with food manipulation with my mother❤ and she was stingy❤

56:47 that is called a strategic retreat!

Childhood trauma? emotional neglect? TOTALLY relatable. Being a highly sensitive kid only led to further problems. It's amazing just how many "parenting" be walking round with ZERO parenting skills. The "blankface" experiment demonstrates that to be a parent requires the ability to nuture a child during early development. But often we here parents claim that "I put food on the table. I put clothes on they back. I put a roof over they head." Yeah, but you suppose to, you brought them in this world. That's the bare minimum. This has ZERO to do with raising a child. To successful raise a child you need to develop that child's verbal, communication, interpersonal, persuasive and negotiation skills. Just telling sit down and shut up, and only speak when spoken too is a disaster class in "parenting."

I need a team up with you so we can write a book❤

I love this video. Would it be okay if I made my own version? Looks therapeutic

I watched the whole video and applaud you for detailing your childhood and the complicated relationship between you and your mother. The one thing that stood out to me however was you saying not marrying the Canadian guy was one of your biggest regrets. Does your current man feel a bit slighted in you stating that?

Also, sidebar I feel like (aside from the mom issues) we had similar upbringings. I also attended a private Christian school.

Sorry to hear about your upbringing and experiences. Are you more fearful -avoidant or dismissive avoidant?

I’m going to do a second listening but your story will resonate with a lot of people. I will say my parents were generally loving but I did get stonewalling when I didn’t do exactly what they wanted. I was objectively a great kid but those instances did feed into my being a people pleaser earlier in life and fear of rejection. Being a people pleaser to someone who generally had your best interests in heart is one thing, (although it isn’t great) but I was doing it at work and in relationships and it lead to manipulation by some bad actors. I don’t think people understand how damaging this is the psyche. The worst thing is I think black people pride ourselves on this approach and take it as a badge of strength to have gone through it but it’s very emotionally stunting. I know for me it has led to not being fully emotionally available and vulnerable with ANYONE in my life for fear of it being thrown back at me. Just recently I lamented to my mother that I was struggling emotionally and it’s manifesting in poor eating habits and some weight gain. She took it as an opportunity to say this so bad because I’m not married and haven’t had kids yet. Well…the point isn’t about being married and having kids it’s about my well being. Somehow she thought this was normal. This is the first time it really clicked why I have a hard time leaning on others in that way. A lot of people are going through this to one degree or another. I do have a question though, do you think the effects of your mother issues would have been lessened by having siblings in the home in your younger years? I cannot imagine having your only cohabiting family member ignore you in that way. Do you think having a sibling to turn to would have lessened the effect? (I could see it going either way tbh).

53:53 at, you look so much like my sister in her best years.

First person to tune in, after asking last week lol

37:04 please let me know where i can get more info on this information. I am around MANY children who lie excessively!!!!

47:05 that face is the general face I see on majority of children attending public school. 😐

Hearing you story makes me angry all over again over some of the crap I had to endure with my late so called mother who was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to her first children, me and my brother. She gave her second husband license to abuse us physically, mentally and emotionally knowing he had been a serial rapist in his youth. One of us was even groomed and molested by him. Moreover, there were very few pictures taken of me and my sibling from her first marriage when we were younger so I do not have documented evidence of "loss of interest" like you do. I have been in therapy throughout my life and thought I had forgiven her when she died but there is no closure with parents like these so I am now on a course of re-traumatization after uncovering her many lies after her death. I recently learned while attending two family funerals that she lied about me and the state of our household to family and our community to make it appear that I was crazy and unstable since I was the only one of the children calling her and her husband out on their behavior (I'm the oldest) and speaking out publicly about the abuse. NO ONE tried to help us. I have now returned to therapy to deal with the absolute betrayal and a lot of old painful memories are surfacing. It has helped me tremendously to binge on the narcissism content here on RU-vid and finally learn that I grew up in an extremely toxic narcissistic family structure. I highly recommend Dr. Sam Vaknin to you and anyone here who suffered and continue to suffer with similar dysfunctional parents. I am now in my 50s and escaped my abusive "home" long ago but the effects of the abuse lives within me and I realize it will either surface or go dormant depending on what is going on in my life at any given stage. The goal of your mother is to break you because something was broken in her while she was growing up. Generational trauma is real and doesn't get enough mention in discussions involving relationship dysfunction within families. It seems like the adult victim of childhood abuse is doomed to pass the poison to their own children if they are not self-aware and vigilant in guarding against becoming the monster they escaped. I pray that you can heal from this. God bless you and all those who suffer from the actions of those who were supposed to love and protect them!

There is different kinds of abuse without it always being physical❤

But like I said I would love to team up with you or someone to write a book about abuse without it being physical❤ there's different levels of abuse without it being physical or verbal❤ psychological mental spiritual abuse is very broad

Bg go through waaaaay to much

So many similarities Only Child Single Parent Household Considered "Weird" No Social Skills Tomboy Wanted to be a boy Not being cussed out but felt like a burden It's something up with this type of upbringing yo!

was your grandmother married ??do you think that narcissists mothers in relationships are the domineering ones?? did your mom attempt to pursue relationships with men after she had you?

Unfortunately people don't take abused series i until it's physical❤

I remember you saying how you got out of the Seventh-Day Adventist Church but I know how that works and they are usually not allowed to associate with ex members or even non-members period. I’m surprised that she’s even talking to you at all. Please do not take this as an insult because it’s not AT ALL but, are you in the spectrum? Have you been tested?

also didnt you have a 'woke/problack' aunt ...and she raised a daughter who was biracial with green eyes to be 'problack"...and i think you and your relatives suggesting that she had white in her would trigger her? didn't you say that this biracial cousin eventually had a blonde looking kid as well

Did you get yr education paid for? Who by?

Drinking game: take a shot everytime she says "hair".

first