My mother told me that she would kill herself if I would have my own appartment and I was 25. She used me clearly for her emotional needs more than anything and I think that it might be the case of why I wasn't able to have a great relationship. I have your book "Married to mom" and it helped me a bit so thank you.
If like to thank you for providing the information I really never knew of anything like this til I went through my own experience with my friend then boyfriend to ex boyfriend. Iv observed these similarities through my friendship with him as well. I was beginning to think I was losing my mind. These relationships are more complicated than they appear. I can’t thank you enough for the information.
3 books I recommend often to my clients and have also helped me in my journey with my mother: 1. Mother’s Who Can’t Love 2. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters 3. The Mother Wound 4. The Emotional Incest Syndrome I am working on writing one as well on mother-daughter enmeshment, but going to take me at least another year to finish. 😉
You also may enjoy reading Daughter Detox by Peg Streep. I personally found Dr. Adams' book to be enlightening and enriching because both of my parents were enmeshed with me.
@@proudatheist2042 I found both his books excellent. I’m dissapointed that most (if not all) videos uploaded on his channel are geared towards men and their partners.
@@XeaRae you're right. I can't help but wonder if that's because most of his clientele are men. According to Dr. Peterson, YT is a male dominated venture. I can't help but wonder if that also swayed Dr. Adams' decision. I also can't help but wonder if he got a YT strike or notification if/when he posted a video about women who are/were in enmeshed relationships with parents.
Thank you for your valuable work in this area Dr Adams. My husband is, I believe, one of those who does not believe he’s enmeshed. I believe I am enmeshed with my parents also. We’re in Australia and currently looking into marriage therapy.
I am enmeshed with my mother. I am constantly upset and I’m afraid of being on my own because she controls everything and depends on me for everything. I try to get her to respect my boundaries for one and also to get her own friends and not use me for her emotional needs but she just does not get it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like the person I am when I have to deal with her. It’s so upsetting. As an HSP, I am constantly distressed but my need to separate and maintain boundaries does not get met. I am depressed, defeated and angry. She literally depends on me for everything. I went to Miami once for a vacation and she called me to get her an Uber because she didn’t know how and then got mad at me when the Uber left because she wasn’t ready I’m time. This is after having to show her and telling her that she needs to learn how to do it without me. Also she has this habit of dismissing me when I try to teach her to be independent especially with technology. She says it’s nothing important right now and she will learn when she needs it blah blah freakin blah. Then we have a situation like that arise. Another time we went on vacation together to visit family but I told her that I have other people like friends, besides the family to see. She tried to force me to stay with the family group. We argued until I had to go to the doctor because my blood pressure spiked so high. It’s like this all the time. I’m constantly having to argue with her to assert my boundaries and only sometimes does she let up but I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that to be understood, for my boundaries to be respected. But she is always confused when I tell her that she doesn’t respect my boundaries. I’m so tired of it.
It sounds like your boundaries aren't actually boundaries. They're suggestions that you give to your mom, which she's free to take to heart or ignore. She chooses to ignore them so that she continues to get what she wants (you, at her beck and call) without consequences. A boundary has 2 parts: the statement of what you do or do not expect or accept, and what you'll do to get it. 1. Mom, I enjoy spending time with you, but I expect you to respect my personal time and relationships. 2. If you interrupt my vacation or plans with friends, I will terminate the conversation. Part 2 is the hardest part, but it's what makes part one a boundary rather than a suggestion. Try telling your mom both parts before the next personal vacation or family get-together. Then, when she calls to interrupt your vacation, for example, you ask her if it's an emergency. She'll say yes. Then, she'll start describing her non-emergency excuse for interrupting your personal time. You repeat Part 1 and Part 2 to her, word for word, say good-bye, and hang up the phone or leave the room. The point isn't for HER to respect your boundaries; it's for YOU to begin to do so.
That's awful. Your mother has issues, but that is NOT your fault or your problem to help "fix" her. If you haven't read Dr. Adams' amazing book "Silently Seduced," I suggest you do so. You may also enjoy reading "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents." Your mother doesn't seem to want to take basic responsibility for being an adult, even though she brought you into the world. I hope you are also working with a skilled therapist to help you through your ordeal.
Been obsessing and researching this question for months. Google searches, read all of Dr Adams books, stalking RU-vid vids on Enmeshment then reading comments. Can’t find much concrete info on the answer to this.
I also wana know but i might need to wait too many years for that.. sounds cruel but thats how hate can make people kill... The hurt they cause is so deep, u would wish the person dead 😭🙈
@@mariastewart9861 Speaking from experience, yes. If they don't recognize there is a problem then you are most likely headed for divorce. He will tell you that you are the problem.
Been obsessing and researching this question for months. Google searches, read all of Dr Adams books, stalking RU-vid vids on Enmeshment then reading comments. Can't find much concrete info on the answer to this.
@@bkh5648 I don't think so. The feelings of guilt are still there and they may amplify. The enmeshed partner may take out the resentment they feel from that on the romantic partner forever.
The mother used her oldest son as a surrogate spouse to illicit specific pleasing behaviour from her husband/make him jealous and used her husband to make her son’s wife seem inadequate and her son feel bad about his wife. Messed up. Ken is breaking the cycle, one man at a time.
