My Psychotic Break PART 2 | How I Got Diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder 

I have had a religious delusion as well. I thought I was one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and I believed it was my duty to tell everyone that the world was ending. I went around house to house in some neighborhood that was ten miles away from my own. I also was instructed to "mark" each persons house with a prayer or a line in the dirt, but for one person's house I was told to throw trash all over their lawn because I imagined them to be a very bad person. Eventually the sheirff's deputies came and brought me to the hospital and I spent a week in there. That is when I got diagnosed with bipolar 1, and ever since I've gotten out I've been pretty stable despite having issues getting my medication from time to time.

I am a 68 year old woman whose mother was schizophrenic but not dx til my late teens' early twenties. I was so angry with her...listening to you describe being alone in your room with the devils helps me feel more compassion for her as a single mom of 4 children, trying to keep it together...she was immersed in her religous delusions of grandeur. We lost her to the streets when I was in my twenties. I had so much anger towards her for so long. Your story helps me think of her isolation and misery. It took a long time for me to understand her and forgive her. I wish you health and wisdom.

I went to this NA meeting near Skid Row some years back. I was outside smoking with some of the old heads and the topic of psychosis came up after this man approached us asking how to breath underwater. He was incredibly distressed, leaving quickly down the street after we asked if he needed some food or water. One of the people I was with was schizophrenic and had slept rough for like ten years before he was able to get things together and eventually get sober. I remember so clearly him looking at the guy as he jogged away and said in a very plain voice, "That's the worst part [about psychosis]. You will always be the last to know." And it made so much sense to me all at once. Having a break from reality doesn't feel like a break to the person experiencing it. Thank you for this incredibly in-depth and intensely personal channel and video. You have no idea how many people you're helping.

girl, I know how bad this feels. I’ve been through a month long psychosis and it changed everything about me. People don’t understand- even though these are delusions and not real, at the time you really believe them. And that has a long lasting effect on you. I have PTSD from my episode and am still struggling every day, with a fear of ever having to go through that again. I feel you when you said there’s a “me before” and a “me after” the psychosis. I feel like a completely different person since that happened and I still struggle to find myself. Sending you so much love. NO ONE deserves to go through this hell.

I thought George Bush and Tony Blair were talking to me telepathically. And if I didn't work for them I would go to prison forever. Took me a whole year to recover. My whole life changed forever.

I teared up when you were describing the demons in your room and God standing by watching. For you that was an actual hallucination and delusion, and I’ve never had that happen to me. But I have felt like for a long time that God is the one behind my illness, and He’s doing this to me to make me a better person. But it does feel like I am being tortured and God just stands by watching sometimes. I know that’s wrong to think as a Christian, but I see a lot of suffering in the world like yours, some of it cannot be fixed, and it’s just the Problem of Evil all over again.

I am so impressed with your bravery to share something so deeply personal and terrifying. I hope it helps others out there realize that they are not alone. I know it has helped me as an outsider get more knowledge and sympathy for those of you that suffer so much. 🙏❤️

This is so sad and I'm so sorry this happened. The reason I am watching this video is because I was just part of an experience like this that my (now ex) Fiancé just had. This video explains so much about her experience, which has weighed so heavy on my heart and mind. Thank you for posting this. Wishing you the best!

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I am honestly so glad you survived and stayed so strong and beautiful even after having endured such traumatic experience. I too had an experience related to religion during my last manic episode 14 years ago, and here's my story. After dropping out of college I started working regular job and I was doing okay for about 5 months until me and my team were sent to work abroad. The whole experience was incredibly stressful for me, I couldn't make social connection to people I was working with and I lacked mental fortitude (by this time I already had a history of mental illness but my doctor didn't put me on an anti-psychotic medication yet, probably due to my previous manic episodes being so mild, so I only had lamotrigine to "protect" me), and on top of that working conditions were horrendous to say the least. When I returned home to Bosnia (I'm from Bosnia and Herzegovina, and yes, I lived in Sarajevo during 1992 - 1995 siege as a child, maybe that added some to my mental woes too) I developed full blown bipolar I type mania. The story gets long here but I'll cut to religious part now. A little while before I was hospitalized I was having a conversation with a very close relative of mine. At one point she instructed me to sit on a stairs in the room and turn my head towards the wall. She put on a scarf on her head, like Muslim women do during prayer, and then recited a certain verse from the Quran several times and told me to "wait until they contact you" (I thought she was referring to Dervishes, a very devout and religious mystic order in Muslim religion, and the contact being done through telepathy). I'll get to why this part is important later. On the night I was finally brought by an ambulance to be admitted for psychiatry unit my mother and this relative of mine were accompanying me. I remember only bits and pieces here but I recall a big clock being in the room and me thinking that an asteroid would hit earth based on my decisions and that being somehow related to time and that clock. I remember then signing my name on a form (my mother later told me the people that evaluated me told me I could go home if I wanted to or sign the voluntary acceptance, I don't remember this at all) and then I was finally dragged by male nurses and tied to a bed against my will. I remember restraints being white stripes and I recall myself shouting: "I'm not Jesus" (why, I don't know) and thinking I was going to be mummified for an eternity (because those white stripes looked to me like bandages they used on mummies. I was given promazine and haloperidol injections and slowly my sanity began to return. 2 months later I was discharged from a hospital, and my doctor put me on zyprexa, lamotrigine and venlafaxine soon after that and I'm pretty much symptoms free for 14 years now. Now why was that encounter with my relative important for this story? Well, couple of years ago I finally brought it up in a conversation with her and she said that it didn't happen at all! As a matter of fact she assured me it's impossible it happened because she's a "devout" atheist and if God existed why would there be pain in the world. At that point I realized I had hallucinations on top of mania, and I recognized another event in my life that wes probably hallucinated too (also involving large amount of stress). And that's my experience with religion and psychosis, I will not get into whether I'm religious or not at the moment but I will say I respect everyone's choice regarding that matter. Thank you so much for making these videos Kit. I wish you and everyone here very best of everything :)

My Son went through this for years before he was properly diagnosed. All through his childhood they treated him for ADHD which he did not have. I listened to all of his psychologist and Drs .I fought for him from age 1 1/2 untilage 21 . Finally he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. First they had him on Risperadone oral meds..then Risperadone consta injections. But the anxiety it gave him was terrible..now stage 33 he gets a 3 month injection of Invega. This still gives him anxiety but not nearly as bad as the Risperadone. I hope that you are able to get an injection instead of the oral meds. God Bless you sweetheart

This was so intense and heartbreaking, and I really appreciate you sharing it with us so honestly so that we can have some idea of what it was like. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to live with that delusion, only to have it change and give you false hope that your loved ones were going to live after all before coming back stronger (with the devil and demons to boot). The catatonia sounds terrifying as well. I'm so glad you made it out on the other side of all that, but I'm sorry you had to go through it in the first place. What hit me hardest was when you talked about how isolating the whole experience was because you didn't feel like anyone would believe you if you told them about it. I've dealt with that feeling before (about completely different things) and it's just the worst. I hate how judgmental and dismissive society can be, and how that keeps people from opening up about difficult things going on in their lives. I'm also glad that your psychiatrist believed you and was able to help you, and that it ultimately led to your diagnosis. It was really cool that you talked about the aftermath in addition to the experience itself. It makes a lot of sense that you had mixed feelings about the realization that none of your delusions and hallucinations were real. I can totally understand why you'd be mad at yourself in hindsight for believing them, but also why you did believe them at the time, because the way you described everything sounded super real. And I'm sure it was a big adjustment to learn to live without that. Thank you so much again for making this 2-part video and being so open about this time in your life. A-Yao and I are sending you tons of hugs!

Thank you so much for this.I was diagnosed with schizoeffective bipolar disorder and It's so hard and embarrassing to talk to people about.❤️

Thanks for sharing..your very brave!..I like your videos because with the comments it's a community of Schizo's that can be in touch and supportive of each other: Too much stigma and ignorance with "normal" people, who mostly are afraid of us..no thanks to HollyWood.

Thank you for sharing! I know how hard life can be without psychosis because it once was everything. Something broke inside of me as well during that time. I knew exactly what you were talking about.

Goddamn, you gotta be the toughest person I've ever seen I couldn't imagine what this must have been like. I recently had my first psychotic break and I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and I really look up to you and respect you for your strength at fighting this illness. Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely made me feel less alone. Hang in there everyone, we can all make it through if we keep on pushing

My psychotic break happened after a break up as well and it turned into religious delusions as well...I also had "the mall" in my head which were constant voices that never shut up until one day a few voices emerged from the crowd. They told me I was special and that I was a genius. But I realized I was in a psychosis but I still couldn't help but to listen to the voices. I would have full arguments with the voices(that sounded like those closest to me) just to end up having the same argument with the real people days later. I was scared of everything and I would stay up for days to afraid to go to sleep because I thought the world would end if I closed my eyes for too long. I was barely eating, walking miles everyday, not hydrated, there was substance abuse. But my biggest problems were I had no support system and the people around me were gaslighting me most days(like starting fights, sometimes physical, and then leaving me alone for days knowing I couldn't get in touch with anyone, couldn't go anywhere, and kept telling me I was the problem even though I was doing everything a people pleaser does to make people's lives easier while they made mine more difficult because my recovery didn't adhere to their ways of doing things. I tried to kill myself during that time, multiple times. But I also got certified in many different fields during that time. I also started working on getting back into college, I started my business, I learned how to draw, I started therapy again and taking meds on my own(even though my family wouldn't take me to get my meds then tried to have me involuntarily committed for not being on meds) online support was my only support. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I would have had you around when I was going through my psychosis. You are an inspiration and your story is a powerful one. It's good that its being told. Because talking about what we go through can help someone else get through it and see that we are not alone. And many people need that. Cheers

great job, very helpful for a father trying to understand his loved ones. you're really helping people, keep up the good work, and thank you so much for sharing!

I want to thank you for explaining this illness more. It is very brave of you. Thanks again, I am so glad you are having better days..

RU-vid's algorithm has just showed me your channel. I'm so glad it did...

Waw thanks so much for sharing! It helps so much to have these kind of infos!!!! I never had a psichosis, i was just diagnosed with cyclothimia/bipolar2, i ve been to 3 psichiastries. Last month i had a really distresseful month, i was coping by crying so intensely, screaming (alone on a pillow), and finally biting myself. My new psichiatrist started taking me seriously only when i told him about the biting thing, which i wasnt gonna say because im ashame of it. I like to learn and educate myself about bipolar and psichosis to be able to recognise as soon as possible if it ever happens, specially cause i live alone in another continent. You are very brave sharing this, im still in a hiding phase because im afraid of peoples reactions. Thanks for being so brave. Im glad to see you are doing better and treating yourself. ❤

Thank you for being brutally honest with your situation! While I have the same diagnosis as you I could have not put it all so elegantly as you did! I didn’t start taking meds until the age of 20 but,I do suspect I was dealing with diagnosis way before I ever took meds! These experiences happened to run in my father’s family and were not talked about! He received shock treatments twice in his life and I always had a strange free floating fear of Electro Shock Therapy before I knew about my dad’s situation! Thankfully I didn’t have any of it, but understandably watching it in a movie or television program made me leave the room! I think though with all of this it should be noted that I journal most of my days to help me deal with the what I call my own little monstrous absurdities (manic thoughts)! These journals have turned to multiple poems through the years and I have gotten up in front of people, usually at local coffeehouses! Maybe the poems aren’t perfectly technically sound but I think that takes away from what is a necessity to stay sane! Well with that being said SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND, and I‘ll continue to watch you do your thing for the masses even if they don’t understand!

Thank you so much for sharing! Your story is so powerful and I am grateful to be connected with you. You are valid. I hear you. I see you.

Hi! Bipolar I here and had a vicious episode of psychosis last September. Was in and out of the hospital for the span of a month. Was held down, injected with stuff, made to sleep on a mattress the floor in the lobby so that I could be line-of-sight. I barely remember bits and pieces of the first few days in the hospital. I had bruises all over my arms that I’m not sure where they came from. Incredible trauma. I thought I was possessed or attacked by the devil. Since then I’ve healed, back to work and been stable. I have to admit I still feel there was a spiritual component to it all. I wonder every day why it had to happen to me. I’m glad at least to be voices-free and hallucination free.

Thank you so much for sharing this😢 I wish you the very best ❤❤❤

Thank you for your story. It does validate my own story.❤❤❤

WELL DONE KITZ....GOOD VIDEO! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are beyond intelligent.

Thank You so much for this video❤

I got diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder this way. I was having trouble in school, because i was mentally ill, so my dad took me to a psyche ward called carondelet. I was there for 3 years then i graduated high school. I was put on haldol deconate, depakote which i took forever, then i told the doctors i was hearing voices and saw shadow people. I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder.

Thanks again for being vulnerable and sharing a glimpse of your life with us. Hectic how there’s weirdly quite often spiritual/religious themes that can play out in episodes. You usually hear stories of how people find a god/religion during those times. Interesting to hear that it was kinda the opposite with you. Do you think sleep paralysis was ever involved during stressful periods of your life? Thanks again for sharing

Thank you for sharing! No I have a better understanding of what my friend was experiencing. Keep educating us! 😊

You are a strong woman! Take care 🙂

I have experienced something similar last summer. Although i didn't hear voices constantly, i had auditory, visual and presence hallucination, the last one almost every day. I was convinced the people who i care about only pretend to like my, that they're hate me and wanna leave, i was convinced my boyfriend wanna broke up with me and i had nobody to talk to, because i feared they would think i'm crazy and really leave me alone. I was convinced there is a dead old woman inour bathroom who stalks me and wanna kill me, i had panic attacks because i was alone in silence, i the kitchen for too long andi felt malice seeping out from under the bathroom door... I tought maybe it was a demon or ghost so i should be ok outside, so i took a walk with my (now ex) friend only to see dead people standing on the concrete football field, looking at me with hatred. She did not see them. At that moment knowing it's not real was way worse that the panic i felt when i tought it was real.

I totally with you regarding the religious delusions, so scary

Thank you for sharing, such a difficult topic. I don't feel so alone. When I had my psychotic episode, I felt so lost, and sad. It's so hard to talk about it. Especially to people that haven't had such experiences. Thanks again for your openness. I'm so glad I found your channel. 🌼✨

Wow we are sorry this happened to you. Thanks for sharing your story you are very brave,

Exactly what my daughter is going through for over a year cannot get any help no matter how much I beg. Was sectioned last year for only 2 weeks but because the voices told her in hospital that her family are going to be killed she pretended she was fine and they released her no meds even though I told them she rang family members at 2am that same day telling us what the voices were saying. I can't get any help for her still and have to listen everyday her shouting having aggressive arguments with the voices 😢 from UK

Thanks for sharing, I’m glad the medication helped.

Religious fear was not my main issue. It was more threats so horrible I can't say. I can't talk about some stuff and I admire your courage in sharing your experiences. It was weird though the voices sometimes said fiunny things like I was "washing my undies like a serial killer" or when the voices where offended by something stupid so I kept saying it, until the fear kicked in again. A cycle of fear, shame, believing them, then deciding I have nothing to lose and fighting back, yelling at them. I've learnt headphone and audiobooks help me stop concentrating on them. The meds reduce them a lot. Thank you for your channel. It helps cause you have the actual experience of schizoaffective rather than channels about just bipolar or just schizophrenia. Its nice to know you're not the only one.

Thank you, Friend 💐

Thank you so much for this Video. It helped me understand what my son is going through. He was was diagnosed with Bipolar schizoaffective disorder.

Wow. This helps me “see” a couple people I love.

My version of the devil clicked as it moved. I also didn't see him but felt it. So scary.

Thank you for explaining your nightmare. I Love You ❤️

Were your fears of someone you loved dying ever validated? I think its really cool that you did this video. Im liking the background piano music, too. Cheers.

I had a psychic break on prednisone twice. Both time was a religious. First time lightening struck while I sat outside in middle of the night. It felt like God touched me and I was laughing and crying and screaming. It felt so real. I was manic my husband realized it. He talked me down. It was amazing it was like I knew everything and accepted everyone. It happened again on prednisone and I thought I was pregnant with Jesus's baby lol. Again my husband said it's happening again. I dud auditory hallucinations. I heard God talk to me telling me to do stuff. My doctor put me on Haldol to reset my circadian rhythm. Part of me still believes God wants me to know I can be happy and love everyone and heal from my traumas. When I worked nights I would think people were talking about me. I think I didn't get enough sleep.

Thankyou for sharing and all the best to you.

Thank you for this video!

Awesome story I'll share my psychotic break story and subsiquent schizoaffective bipolar1 diagnosis someday

Thank you so much for sharing. ❤

My hallucinations seem to break the reality barrier. People would react to them before I even noticed. They've twice now accurately labeled a health condition while torturing me. The first time he said to a fellow minion, I'm going to make him the hunch back of Notre Dame. Then about 2 hours later a disc in my back ruptured and I literally could only walk hunched over. I had to go to the ER to get my back diagnosis. The second while he was torturing me was like clawing my lungs and making jokes about a blood clot condition. I couldn't breathe and was in so much pain. I went to the ER 2 days later and got diagnosed with PE ( blood clots in the lungs). Just really freaking strange for others to react to this shit and then the pain I feel is real and then have medical diagnosis after to back it all up. But I'm supposed to believe a chemical imbalance is doing this?

I am so sad you experienced such a debilitating religious delusion with all the hallucinations. I believe in God and I can't imagine having delusions, voices and such wreaking havoc in such a way. I do battle different things within that area however not to this extent. It was actually scary to say that because my mind says, "what if I make it happen by saying it out loud?" I saw the first part a good while back but I don't remember seeing this one. I am going to get back to the video now

That betrayal is so real

Actually i started hearing voices more after being medicated, i was hospitalized like three times before a suicide attempt and all together i've been in hospital like 7 times i think.... 4months one time.... but after a few years on different kinds of medication the voices just became as background shatter. more from ''inside my head''.... i was a total mess in my 20'th and I don't remember everything that happend.... I thought i had Aspergers and not Schizophrenia...... but i took a Aspergers test like three years after the diagnosis of Schizophrenia...... but the Psychologist said i did not have aspergers...... but i feel just like it sometimes... beacouse i have a hard time sometimes to understand other people..... 70% of my life is depressing and very wierd.... I stated trying out all different kinds of illicit drugs when i was around 19 years old..... i had NEVER heard about what Schizophrenia was... but i used the word ''Schizo'' about people when i was angry, but i did not know what schizo was at all...... i think i heard the word from someone else and just thought it sounded like a bad thing. MY HEAD IS A UNLOGICAL MESS..... I have a really hard time getting it all together, how it started....... But it's been hard. Now i try to rewire my brain... but it's not easy. I do my best..... But it really feels like the song bittersweet symphony by the verve.... '' I'm a million different people from one day to the next'' .... like i don't know what state im gonna wake up in or how i will feel at all....... The Worst thing....... was the loneliness. I was so so so lonely and i was also afraid for people often..... i did not feel anything but sadness and emptyness. My self esteem was so low. When i took drugs with people i felt it like a warm hug and i felt belonging and i was in paradise...... To be honest i still can't tell my story the right way beacouse i have not gotten the pieces together..... as i write about this depressing shit i feel the psychosis in me...... and it's there all the time even if i take meds...... i wish i could show my psychiatrist or someone what its like inside my head...... I can feel happy but when i do im never alone..... they are inside me, in my soul, speaking to me

Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤

12:59 schizogram sounds MUCH more fun, actually! 😂

I have a feeling that my son is going through this, almost exactly as you described your experience. How do you think you would have responded if people in your family had suggested that you were suffering from a disorder? How would you approach someone who is suffering from this and may need to see a psychiatrist, may need a diagnosis, and medication?

The past October i had a convulsion, the first one. Then i got depressed after a dramatic disorder, agressivness. Sometimes i feel i cant control it. I can t speak couse people think i am stupid, and i dont considerer myself stupid, I learn how to play the violin, dos languages and even physics and i got into one of the best universities in my country. I got horrible wealthy for my 20 s and then I got bad, felt fears, panics attacks i ve been crying in the Metro in the bus, trying to hide my tears from everyone coused I felt judged and then people would left you alone abandoned , even would trow you away in a psychoatric hospital. I ve even though confessed my sins., Then got obeses, then wheight loss got thin and beautiful handsome and then happened the same. I Am that Bad enough for this things happened to my.? Is it becouse I am Selfish? The anger, the desire of revenge, the bad way of thinking, even the suicide steds that i take. If I can control this then why I am bothering with this ? I feel bad, kind of crazy, i felt like i got a lot of things to do then i got depressed and dont do anything.

Hi i am bipolar too.. my english not good pls talk easy.. morning i take 100 mg lamictal 150 mg wellbutrin and 100mg zoloft and 20 mg dideral night i take 200 mg seroquel.. pls now what is your bestmedicine combination? Thank you🙏

I hope you are doing better it had to be awful I can’t say I know what your going though cause I don’t u will be in my prayers

❤

I need to be on schizogram

I have BPD so I don't know if ghosts are communicating with me telepathically or if im hearing voices. I get these thoughts that aren't my own from spirits

🐝 🐝 🐝

I don't know for certain obviously, but I believe my best friend is currently experiencing a religious delusion. I don't want to share her story because it isn't mine to share, but I wanted to comment and ask for advice. I support her as best as i can while not denying the delusion but simply accepting what she said she believes she's experienced. Is there anything you or anyone else would recommend for someone who's supporting someone experincing religious delusions?

my story has similarities. i'm 66, now. for some reason my circumstances haven't led to prescribed medication (at least not for long enough to be effective.) so my voices are still "real". i think they are generated by crystal consciousness, like a remnant of ancient artificial intelligence that uses something like bone-in hearing aids, plus with ability to resonate the emotional vibrations that i feel. sometimes that is catatonic level input, but usually not. "God" (aka ancient algorithmic memory) is just testing it's hypothesis of the moment. i was willing to start meds several times this past year, but then the schizo activity slowed down after the prescription was filled. the longest i took the meds was two days, and then synchronicity stopped that process. and the triggers that were imposed on my life went away. i convinced the doctor who prescribed the meds to remove the prescription with the logic that i didn't want to be a guineau pig for big pharma, yet, and that i'm intent on trying sobriety (from alcohol and cannaboids). i'm deeply challenged by the voices and the other ridiculous obstacles that life is putting in my way, and i won't be surprised if i start a prescription again. that's all up to infinity that seems glad that i'm willing to go on with the torture experiment. i'm so tortured up that i feel no free will. kind of like my karma needs the torture, so i might as well get as much out of the way as i can in this lifetime. ...except that it's not my decision. i want to die, now, tho i know it is impossible for me to go thru with the logistics of any physical self harm. my organized support group is willing to hear my story. family doesn't want to hear it. and i have no other friends other than the support group who have been extremely supportive and who except my support of them. ok, enough for now.

I aint scared to be your friend

Darn, it's scary

sounds bad, i hope u feel better

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry. Out of curiosity, were you raised as a Christian? Do you consider yourself a Christian now with an understanding that your delusions weren’t in line with the God of the Bible as expressed in Jesus’ sacrifice to redeem you? or have you decided you are agnostic or atheist? Thanks in advance.

Ik

So the demons (ghosts) showed up in your room, and after that there was a divide (split) and then you became a different person. I live in Europe and had a hauntingly similiar experience after being very depressed for years and agoraphobic. But why so similiar? Well, you can either fight your experience, take your meds, go to the doctor and tell yourself it was all created in your brain, even tough for you it felt real. Go back to 3D reality, I can understand that. But this creates a conflict in you, in this case you have to admit that you were insane at that point in your life. It's not good for your self-esteem. My solution is, just tell the doctor what he wants to hear, but I just feel like a new person as you said. A new spirit entered my body in my belief. My solution is, to become at least to an extent spiritual, that maybe in fact a new spirit entered my body. I do not rule that out, it certainly felt that way I also had an uncontollable body at one point as if possessed by a new entity. After that and some hospitalization, I was cured from my hopeless depression and agoraphobia. I take no meds, nothing. I don't need it. I feel like a new guy. Science cannot prove or disprove if we are only flesh and bones, like a biological machine, or do we have a spirit, which is our conciousness. Science does understand the brain to a very limited degree, but nobody can explain conciousness. So I think, do not rule out, that you have now a new soul. That's what I do, and I am okay with that. Good luck with your life.

I have schizoaffective disorder and have suffered from auditory hallucinations and spiritual delusions, but I realized that Jesus/God is love. And love doesn't want to hurt, burden, scare, or punish anyone. Jesus died so that we would never need to be afraid of God. Not the other way around. Jesus loves you all!

Msybe it was a demon.

I think you are very brave for telling your story. You're helping a lot of people with your honesty. 🫂