Religion, Psychosis, and Me 

I am a Christian and have schizoaffective disorder. I find my faith helps me with my illness mostly. But I do have to be careful not to become too fixated on religious things or interpret biblical things because it can induce paranoia and delusional thinking. Thanks for sharing your story.

I was Christian. I cannot engage with “my faith” anymore. Some people with psychosis may be able to handle it, but I personally can’t. It always ends in severe delusions (but no hallucinations, thank goodness).

I’m so sorry, the same happened to me. I never experienced schizophrenia or psychosis until I became a Christian. It made my life a living hell, I’m sorry you went through it too. Sending you lots of love 🩷

Wow, it stinks, but it's refreshing to know I'm not the only one that deals with this. Religion is a big trigger for me too. I've gone through weeks where I try to follow it, but I get obsessed, and then I think I'm possessed. It's better for me not to give into any type of spirituality whatsoever. As much as I'd love to be a part of a religious community. I just can't with my mental health.

I’m Christian and I totally get what you’re saying completely!! I have religious delusions as well. It’s difficult but what keeps me grounded is realizing that God is comfort, love, peace, and joy. The delusions come with terror and discomfort. When I feel that fear that paralyzes me and makes me think demons are coming to kill me, I realize it’s a delusion because that’s not God revealing anything to me. Everything you’re saying is valid and understandable. You can connect with God in your own way and it will still be good. Even as Christians, we don’t have to be so legalistic about our spirituality. Find God in your own way (as you already have and know). That’s better than trying to obey rules and rituals made up by humans anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️ You’ve helped me with this video btw. Thank you ❤❤❤

Woot woot! Recovering heroin and meth addict with bipolar /w psychotic features here! Proud of you kit! You're a hero for sharing your story and for making people like me feel less alone. Thank you for that.

I had an intense combined psychotic and manic episode that lasted for 3 months that all had religious and spiritual connotations around it ... I'm recovering now from said episode and am growing more comfortable each day with my new diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder (I felt schizophrenia never really fit me in the past ). I was deeply involved in the Buddhist philosophy for 18 months prior to my episode and due to my episode and my actions I ostracised myself from my local faith group... I am now actively learning more about the science side of things , brain and it's reward centres etc whilst also keeping my spiritual beliefs that there is a higher power that is within all of us but it's not in my head, I feel this essence lays in our hearts.

i grew up going to catholic school. had the catholic guilt and threat of hell hanging over my head for years. i was so stressed out by the idea of hell i was a bundle of anxiety and ocd as a kid. think i heard voices for the first time when i was about 12. i've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and one of my manic episode warning signs is getting invested in religion or thinking I can talk to spirits. i don't even believe in a higher power or spirits when I'm stable. religion has just never been a healthy thing for me, but i'm glad it's comforting to others.

Your one of the most awesome person on RU-vid for being so vulnerable and makes me feel less alone congratulations on being sober

I am a Pastor and I am open about my diagnosis of Bipolar type 1. You have discussed this challenging topic with care and respect to people of all beliefs and backgrounds. Thank you.

2018 was my first psychosis after two manic episodes in the years before. I've experienced positive and negative religious references, positive in mania and negative in psychosis. I can relate to the trauma of episodes where you are told horrible things will happen and you struggle with what is real and what is made up.

I'm so glad you shared this, even though you knew it was going to be an uncomfortable topic. I grew up in an environment where everyone was expected to be religious/judged for not being religious, and where questioning religion/discussing negative aspects of it was not accepted. So I totally get how hard it can be to talk about religion, and I appreciate you taking that plunge. The Madness sounds extremely terrifying. And it's so scary and sinister (in a different way) how your religious background affected the way you felt about the Madness, and how people around you were supporting and even envying you while you were going through that. Considering how detrimental that environment was for you, I 100% understand your decision to swear off religion. Like you said, it was for your own safety, so I really hope no one ever judges you for that. I like the distinction you made between religion and spirituality. And I'm glad that spirituality has been working for you better than religion did so far, even if your past experience with religion still sometimes has you wondering whether the being that helps you now is real. I also appreciated hearing your journey about how you got to the point of spirituality through your goal of staying sober (and congrats on staying sober for more than a year!!!). As far as your question about whether any of us have dealt with anything similar... I haven't because I've never been a religious person. But one thing I can offer is my perspective as a queer person who grew up in the environment I did. I've experienced firsthand how some organized religions/religious communities use their beliefs as an excuse to justify their hate for people like me for merely existing. There are different ways queerphobia can manifest through a religious lens (all the way from "God hates f**s" to "love the sinner, hate the sin") but I've learned that all of them are equally dangerous in their own ways. Trying to figure out who you can trust feels like stepping through a minefield. And being in an environment like that makes it hard to question, explore, or acknowledge your queerness at all. When you talked about the safety aspect of religion for you and how you felt like your religious environment wasn't safe, I related to that so hard as a queer person who needed to get out of that town, even though I wasn't part of any religious communities myself. I feel like religious trauma - whether it's based in religious discrimination or religious delusions or anything else - is something people need to talk about more, and I'm so glad you did that with this video. Thank you so much again for sharing your perspective and experience. I know it's going to be relatable and helpful for so many people. And I hope it sparks a bunch of interesting discussions. Sending you tons of hugs and support!

I am a Christian and my faith in Jesus helps me a lot to cope with my illness. However, when I was 18 I had my first big psychotic episode and I thought I could hear God’s voice in my head.To this day I still hear this bossy voice that I at times think’is’God telling me to read my Bible or pray. I have to remind me that it is all in my head. Thank you for sharing so honestly, and congratulations on your sobriety! I’me so glad you have a Higher Power who is there for you.

Kit, you are amazing: such intelligence and insight - way ahead of the average person. In terms of reality, every single one of us simply experiences what our physical brain presents us with, whether it's real or not. I think you're on the right track my friend. Go girl

That was a great video, Kit! Especially the part about ceasing to find answers. That's exactly what I need to do! I've had some religious themed delusions but its all pretty nonthreatening. I call myself an agnostic and maybe I should just give up looking for answers and admit to myself that I don't need the answers to live a fulfilling life. Thanks Kit,

I am so glad you brought up this topic! I am currently working out my issues surrounding my religious experiences. We all need to be patient with one another and that's the best way for us all to heal ourselves from the past. That's just my humble opinion.

Religion was made for people afraid to go to hell. Spirituality is made for those people who have already lived through it. You sound to me like the most spiritual person. Good job making the video, I thought it was very good and informative

Good thoughts or repetitions help me recieve peace in my heart which is all im seeking spiritually right now. Sometimes a chemical balance from meds is what I need, other times, thinking thankful thoughts or canned prayer thoughts at the right time get me in the right "heart state" to be present and emotionally stable. I too had a break in 2018 and went through similar fears confusions and delusions. In those years, my heart was not able to find peace due to what I believed and thought, but now im on Rexulti and Lamotragine doing just fine. Still grappling with what my eternal fate is and true purpose her on earth, but I hope those answers are in another season of life before I die.

Great job sharing your faith journey. I am a late-in-life diagnosed bipolar 2 follower of Jesus. I do not have the schizoaffective issue like you share. I am so sorry for the religious abuse that helped your madness experience. I do question my prophetic gifts and even my faith sometimes wondering if it is part of my mental illness. I came to faith in a vision where I experienced Jesus and have had many experiences similar through the years. Some may think I have schizoaffective disorder because of that, but I have never had a bad experience with it and all the revelation I have ever received has brought healing, freedom, and peace to me and my coaching clients. I still believe in Jesus and still experience Him in visions sometimes, but like you, I am OK if I am wrong or it is part of my mental illness. My faith brings life and I don't need to convince anyone else to believe it. Blessings, peace, and healing on your journey.

I am a Christian Pentecostal who suffers from schizoaffective disorder my life dramatically changed when Jesus came into my life. I have been hospitalized 4 times with psychosis since I was 19 and I am now 49 my last visit to the hospital was in 2007 I have not been back since and no longer experience symptoms. I am still on medication and I am now a Bible college student. I just got my diploma and I am now going further as I have started my associate degree in ministry and Theology, deep I know but it keeps me busy and keeps my mind active, and I have an amazing relationship with God.

Thank you so much for this video

Thank you for sharing your story in a positive way

Thanks for this video. Very helpful to understand my son's very difficult and similar journey. Love you.

I love you so much for this, thank you.

hey Kit I know nothing at all about mental illness / schizophrenia etc, just stumbled across your vids...may I say that I find your energy absolutely fantastic, you are super smart, lucid, eloquent, empathetic and intuitive. You have so many gifts...you're exceptional!

First of all, you are very brave to speak on this matter in my opinion, so thumbs up for your courage from me. I find it interesting that religion related stuff is apparently very present in psychosis episodes, and I wasn't an exception there either. I've had sort of mini religious episode within my manic episode prior to being hospitalized, and I wrote about it in one of your previous videos. Now did it make me a believer (seeing my "devout" atheist relative reciting a verse from Qur'an over and over, which she later told me never happened), I'd say yes, it definitely fortified my belief. However, I fully respect everyone's choice regarding this issue, and as a matter of fact I'd say I'm a fan of all religions, I once came upon one small shrine in Croatia, and one of the writings read: "Speak the truth and the truth shall set you free", and I love that, I think it's from the Bible if I'm not mistaken, and I think it's helped me a lot. And if you're an atheist too, or just not sure, that's totally fine if you ask me. That's my thoughts on this, wishing everyone here good health, and thumbs up again Kit for speaking on this.

Thank you for this brave video. I found trying to going back to church congregations dangerous for my recovery from substance abuse. It has been many decades now, and my definition of my higher power has gradually evolved to something I would not have comprehended early on.

So glad I ran across this…it resonates deeply. I am a Christian,grew up Methodist/South Baptist as well. I have read from the beginning of the Bible through to almost the end of John. I walk around feeling like I’m about to be crushed like a roach because I deserve it. I want to feel the love and joy but I just feel the fear and remorse. I have seen God work in my life in amazing ways that were too coincidental to be coincidence, and He’s proved His love for me very and over, but I still feel the fear and rejection. Like you have I thick delusions that God talks to me in my mind, even typing this I believe it’s Him…but maybe only some of the time? I’ve never been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder but I do have Bipolar 2 with Anxiety and ADHD with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

Thank you for sharing this a lot of people have this same issue but don’t recognize it because they don’t want to feel like they crazy. Many people of religious belief have this issue thanks this will help many people who are dealing with the end times and living a delusional mind.God bless you thank you

Thank you for sharing!! ❤️

When I was going through psychosis I was singing a song called "One Holy Bible" over and over again. The nurses in the psych ward actually said I have a good singing voice....

Thank you for sharing. 💐 I believe that there is pure love for all to have if they chose it everyday. 🌹❤️✨

I understand some of the things that you talked about going through. When I was in my late teens, I thought that I'd given my heart to Christ. I noticed the change immediately but, there was something I was hiding that I wasn't aware of. I suffered some intense spiritual abuse as a child that I remembered enough about that through a series of hardships over the years finally lead to me realizing what it really was and confessing it to God with a sincere apology and then, praying to Jesus for salvation. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit in my heart and everything was beautiful again. The sin that I was afraid to confess to God was that I actually hated him rather than loving him. My fear was so great that on my own I couldn't bring myself to confess it to him, I would try with all my might to keep it out of my mind and insist that it wasn't true but, it actually was true. He was gentle with me in bringing me to repentance. He used the song "Truth be Told" by Mathew West. The reason I wouldn't confess my hidden hate on my own is because I was afraid that God would become furious with me and send me to Hell then and there on the spot but, God didn't cause me that terrible phobia. The abuser did that to me when I was about 4 or 5. The abuser caused me to see God as being just like the abuser was during the abuse. I got saved June 16, 2023 at Rowan Regional in the psychiatric hospital, in the dinning room. I was about to die and the feeling was so intense that I didn't understand why I was still alive but, when I was finally honest with God and repented, then, prayed to the Lord Jesus for forgiveness and salvation, it immediately happened then, and there on spot. The very next song, coming from the TV, in the dining room was "Born Again" by Austin French. Not only did the Lord save me that evening but, he dealt with me gently and lovingly. I had been so terrified of him all my life and trying to hide it from him and it was my misperception of God and the many years of terror made worse by some other people that aggravated the hate and made it worse. People can be very, very cruel sometimes. Even seemingly unfeeling or heartless. I wont promise you or anyone else that serving Christ will be just fantastic all of the time but, he really, truly does love us all. I still struggle with my faith and not just a little here and there either. I'm actually backsliding during this time but, sometimes when I'm dealing with misery, I also find that I start to open up about some things. I too am schizoaffective bipolar type, have OCD Scrupulosity, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, Dissociation and have been dealing with episodes of grandiosity for a very long time. I have other diagnosis' as well and sometimes I still have to put up with paranormal harassment even in my dreams. You're not alone. I still suffer from theophobia, hadeophobia, frustration and negative feelings. If you ever want to just talk, I will listen. My fears resurfacing again has made it so, that I can't go back to church and sometimes I'm afraid to read my Bible too. Spiritual abuse is a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through and my heart goes out to anyone who has ever had to endure it.

You're right you're not alone. I have schizoaffective disorder the depressive type. I find it difficult to function as a member of the church, but still believe in Jesus. I'm not trying to bring you back, as that's entirely your decision. I just thought I'd share a bit of my bio. I deal with delusional thinking on a daily basis and it is difficult to tell what's real. It really does make you vulnerable.

Hey that's exactly what happened to me! Watching my loved ones die and not being able to do anything about it. Your psychotic episode was a rehash for me! Guess that makes me a Monday morning quarterback!

Thank you for talking about this.Brave.

Thank you for posting this. I don't have psychosis myself, but I have a newly diagnosed family member. Im a Christian believer. I'm not in a panic for you. I'm grateful to you. So glad for you that you are so clear on these things. You have been forced to face an issue that is rife in Christian circles! God is going to be okay. 😎 Your videos are so helpful. Thank you so much for helping me in my loving support for my family member. ♥️

Thanks for sharing, this was so informative. I’m a Christian psychology student and I’m trying to figure out how to help a friend at church with schizophrenia. It was induced through years of meth addiction and it’s hard to tell if she still uses sometimes or is just suffering episodes as an ongoing condition. She does take her medication so I’m not sure. Many of her delusions are spiritual in nature but not at all conventional Christian beliefs. I’ve encouraged her to come to the Alpha course so she can learn about what we actually believe instead of a jumble of New Age teachings about Christianity. I think it’s been helpful but only time will tell. I think it’s great that you’re not closed off from the idea of God. Church might be a triggering environment which you can’t handle for a long time, but that doesn’t mean God wouldn’t be available when you need him. Another name for the Holy Spirit is “Comforter”. That’s how Jesus described him in the book of John 🕊️

My first real psychotic episode was God talking to me and telling me to 'unalive' when i was 16. I have to be an atheist at this point because any mention of religion is triggering. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. It's kinda soothing to hear someone else talk about it, thank you ❤

WOW. Well said. "My life is a horror movie". Sadly, I understand. Thank you for sharing. ❤

Kit you are really lucky to be in touch with positive higher power. Spirituality is awesome. Congrats on discontinuing alcohol.

I had a religious psychosis. 1st episode. I went through spiritual awakening, the dark knight of the soul and psychosis. After y mothers death , and my soulmate abused me , hurt me and did something 2 my soul I felt like I been possessed. Every time he was thinking about me I felt like something was pulling me ....

Thank you! This was helpful. And btw You’re soooo pretty. You remind me of alicia silver stone from the 90s movie “clueless”. Thanks for the work you’re doing. Great video.

Bi-polar 1 with inside voices and delusions here. I am medicated but can still hear the peanut gallery in my head when it's quiet. As to where I am with religion these days, I would say that I am like you and would identify as spiritual. Sometimes I still think I'm the chosen one but I am aware of the delusion, and the voices in my head are relatively positive. I wish you the best and thanks for sharing.

I suffer from Schizoaffective bipolar 2. I study esoteric philosophy and have experienced similar traumatic events involving religion. I value wisdom and knowledge. I practice meditation, breathing techniques as well as my own cognitive behavioral techniques that suit my interests. Neuroplasticity has helped rewire my brain away from psychosis and more toward truth. I still suffer from depression and anxiety on a daily basis and am treatment resistant. Thank you for posting these videos, they are relieving to know I am not alone with my condition.

My specs:East coast American,raised catholic,psychotic break,diagnosed, recovering alcoholic,medicated bipolar,2 1/2 years in group housing with other MICAs in recovery, now back in my profession. Always had thought churchgoers were weak minded people, or something like that, I just didn’t get it. Walked down the street on a break from program at lunch and was walking through wet grass and felt a wave of something pass through me front to back and communicate to me in some new way I could hear that I was good enough and everything was going to be ok and I was loved. What it was I have no idea. After break I spoke to the counselor and she said no need to explain it or deconstruct it, I can just appreciate it. I asked her if she ever felt that before. She said yes. Every time she goes to church. Now I get it. God? Maybe. Just brain chemistry? Okay. Doesn’t matter what it is as long as it works for me.

Good that you've woke up. My mom was extremly religious, not just "spiritual" but totally into whatever she was doing at the time - Jehowa's Witnesses, Christian Church, Japanese Mahikari, Spritual science and cosmology .. to name a few. And it all affected me as a child, it wasn't easy. Thing is you can't take it away from them, they need it like a drug. To them it is a drug, something that helps them through life providing comfort and identity, and it's stronger when they're together 'doing the same drug' ... (mob mentality), and no, she never had a man - single mom for life. Being a child under these circumstances I really had nothing to loose, I was an outsider, one angry little boy. Watching everything from outside growing up you see things more clearly. You notice how people behave in larger groups, smaller groups, on the phone with one another, and how they are alone. I soon learned how to manipulate mom into thinking I had incarnated from another dimension, by about 9 years of age I had become quite aware of what buttons to push, at one time I tricked her into beliveing I was possessed. So she took me around various spritualists and mediums to find out what was wrong with her "evil little boy" only to find out several different stories which made her even more confused. Sadly I was very entertained, at the age of 10 I had complete power over mom and her weirdo friends. As I grew older and wiser I tried to explain the situation in a sensible way to mom, but she didn't seem to take it in and continued her imaginative fumbling. These days she's dead, she never got to know me and the man that I've become. Living in her confined bubble parrallell to my reality she robbed herself of her little boy, me growing up, most of all she robbed me of having a comfortable childhood.

I first want to start by saying thankyou Kitzo for the courage to share your story with all, This is my perspective as a husband experiencing Religion and Psychosis with my wife. I remember when my girlfriend at the time and now wife, had her first psychosis type attack at the age of 42. She is very much a woman of faith in God YHWH and His Son Jesus (Yeshua). When this attack happened it started with lack of sleep and her calling me sharing what God wanted to speak to me. Then in the middle of her speaking to me she became very cold and it was as she was being choked by what I thought at the time was a demonic spirit attack. I remember the stories of Jesus casting off demons, so I dug in the Word so I would be prepared the next time if this ever happened. We had no clue she would be diagnosed bipolar. She never showed signs of extreme highs or lows. Happy and excited but nothing out of ordinary. She had came back to her normal self an hour or so after the attack and called me to let me know she was ok. (We were living about 500 miles apart then.) I remember that evening of that day the psychosis came back but I was prepared and casting with authority in the Name. I remember hearing a screech like a banshee from her on the phone and I was like awesome the demon is gone that was messing with her. This was also about the time paranoia and voices in her head got louder as she is trying to process WTF is all going on. Well she decided to drive back home from my vacation cabin and the voices led her to let go of the steering wheel on a major freeway. After surviving the crash into a tree and crossing 4 lanes of 80 mph cars, she was taken to hospital which she asked for help and admitted into psychiatric hospital. I remember how much that sucked because she thought I was the antichrist false prophet Waco type dude, in which she tells her x husband all this she is hearing in her mind which the courts used in conjunction with the bipolar diagnosis to take her children away and the courts banning me from my name even being mentioned to her children. The courts have no clue about mental disorders either. So now we know she is diagnosed bipolar, but we are still thinking it was all demonic. That is until the second attack would come 6 months later. This time I was with her and when I saw the casting off demons with fasting etc. didn't do anything, I knew she had a mental chemical unbalance. (I have learned that stress and lack of sleep to be early signs) In this second attack we learned a lot, and the PTSD from all of this is a time process like working with a spooked horse. It takes time, love, and understanding. She also shared how "taking every thought captive verse" really helps to know. Thoughts must line up with the Word of God. God isn't trying to hurt you or others through you. She hasn't had any attacks since being on her meds, and she really, really misses her children. We are hoping the courts will reconsider some sort of normal non supervised visitation after we have shown her stable for a year, but that takes more money for lawyers. The voice of the Holy Spirit is of love and the fruits of the Spirit. We all live in corrupted DNA bodies as a result from the fall in the Garden, and the crap we eat, the water we drink, and the air we breathe and the stresses of our environments all has a part with mental and physical issues of the flesh.

Thank you so much for making this video. I try to avoid religionsl and spiritual beliefs as well because the times i have given them an opportunity i have ended up being terribly delusional. Curiously, people didn't realize and i have never been diagnosed actually, only i know how horrible i felt, how disconnected from reality it felt. Since i havent been diagnosed with anything besides depression, I'm afraid because i dont know if i will experience psychosis again or not. I try not to think too much about it. Pardon my english btw

Hi SK, please so an episode about delusions and why they're so hard for us to realise they're delusions.

Religious or not, who cares. Do what’s best for you. Don’t allow anyone to intimidate you.

Once again you explained it very well. I am Catholic and have been schizoaffective since 19 yr old. I am still faithful but cannot do mass attendance and of course feel guilty but it is a trigger for me too.

I wasn’t raised religious thank god. I see so many people who were raised religious who have to completely disown god because the religious idea of god was so abusive. My mom took me to a psychic for my 16 th birthday and it was a very positive enlightening experience that led me to believe that god was real. But now I think my “delusions are psychic experiences “ some good some bad and abusive. I try to meditate sometimes but my neck hurts or my voices are loud so I feel like I can’t meditate well enough. Good for you for going to AA I know a lot of people who have gotten help there. Thanks for the video

I completely respect your decision to leave your faith due to your circumstances. No judgement from me. A psychotic break that intense probably caused PTSD of some kind, but I’m glad you’ve made peace with your mental illness, and are doing your best to manage your schizoaffective disorder. Glad you’re spiritual., and live in the present moment as best as you are able.

Religion and reading the bible had messed me up even more

You hit RIGHT on the dot for me. The madness starting out nice and later become wrathful. The fear of doing anything against this voice which claims to be the Holy Spirit. Thinking because God find ways to speak to us, it MUST be the voices in my head! The ones who put me down and put fear into me. I thought I was alone in this running in circles when it came to logic/evidence and then my faith. It’s hard to find a balance between the two. For obvious reasons. I got dragged into believing online pastors and everyone on social media talking about Christianity and thinking everyone was qualified to talk about what they were talking about. I’m still a Christian but I’m struggling with mental health GREATLY and related nearly COMPLETELY with how the voices in your head lie to you and claim to be God. It’s difficult to navigate life dealing with this. I’m very sick of the hallucinations and voices and watching everyone around me seemingly navigate life smoothly without dealing with such a thing. I don’t know how to be a Christian and can’t really trust very much. But hearing you talk felt like what I’ve been saying inside for a long time. To hear you say you took meds and felt better, helped me to hear too. It’s assured me that this IS all in my head. I’m just hoping that I could make it out on the other side of this okay. I’m afraid this delusion will grow and I will become an unstable adult.

I have schizoaffective disorder too and still find comfort in God. I stay away from esoteric Bible studies and just stick to the word for comfort

Hi am glad you're feeling better now understand how you feel i have mental health issues too including voices & seeing things it messes me up unsure what is real any more I am also Christian & have Religious OCD as well.

I don’t experience hallucinations but I do experience delusions and paranoia. There’s times I can’t partake in spiritual practices at all, and I approach this topic from a logical, self improvement sort of way. I also grew up religious so I think I have some PTSD around it.

Im scitzeffective, I've fought for 6 years medicated, the whole 9 yards, and for myself I feel happier believing in my delusions, it's my sentience, I've accepted mysticism/fung shei, be your harmony, keep

Carl Jung has helped me a lot to understand the idea of the collective unconscious, the archetypes and how they play in with psychotic episodes not just the chemical imbalance in the brain as an explanation for the disorder. I have had mystical experiences and psychotic experiences myself. This is a lot about an individuation process and shadow work can actually help you see different parts of yourself.

Bless You and please keep up the good work. 👋🏻 .... 👼🏿 .... 💚

As a coping young adult I turned to religion. At first with an intrest in New Age, Bible, Transcendental Meditation, yogi stories, Siddhartha, Timothy Leary, Jung, Zen, and Carlos Castaneda. But there was no cure for my anxiety and panic attacks that actually started when I was around 16. At the age of 28 I was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia during a three week stay in a psych ward which turned out to be a major turning point for me. In about 3 years I would be completely agnostic about religion. Used to spend time debating about it online. Now I've found I just have to leave the beleivers alone, but I've continued with my agnostic, existential approach to the subject. Even puzzling over what is truely eternal and the "essence" of reality. I developed an updated spiritual constitution that is more scientific, even though I don't beleive science is really it completely. I still take meds but the old episodes are gone. Religion just seems like another thing to fight about.

It wasn't voices but paranoia and intrusive thoughts about religion (and a lack of any comfort/help from God in dealing with these) that destroyed my 12 year long religious belief. I concluded if God existed He was evil and quite possibly out to get me so atheism became the only way to stay sane. Now 5 years later I tend to just chuck my prayers into the void or address them to resilience or "whatever gave me *insert positive thing in my life here*". Still struggling with the emptiness religion left behind though. Thanks for making us feel less alone ♥️

Im a christian and was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder. Chinook baptist church pissed me off with an excorcist trying to cast out devils because i refused to take my psyche meds, then i died to myself and killed the mood disorder. Then to get rid of my schizopherenia i knocked out my left eye and that was my schizopherinic hallucinations. So i stopped hallucinating and the mood disorder.

As someone who is also schizoaffective i thought i was a chosen one to but i am not i hurt so many people because of my delusion of religion but i have hurt people because of my delusions but i can get better with medicine and therapy i feel less alone ❤

Schizoeffective disorder is like your living in a horror movie, kit

I’m a recovering alcoholic, over five years clean. I stopped after a major mental breakdown.

I developed psychosis from smoking weed for years, I stopped believing in religions and stuff questioned everything and life . Even tho I stopped smoking i still feel weird and I still don’t believe in him Crazy thing is I used to think I was a psychic medium for what I saw and heard and felt. Now I know is psychosis. I denied medication because I don’t want to depend on it and now I’m just numb I don’t feel anything or purpose in life anymore. I just wanna end it some days

Many people have near death experience and talk about feelings of love and acceptance they didn't know was possible.

I have schizophrenia and had the religious hallucinations and delusions. I was raised Catholic. Now I am spiritual and I believe in a God I place higher than the God of the bible. I quit alcohol May 5th this year.

Thanks for sharing. Yeah, I unfortunately went from being heavily involved in the church (worship bands, planting new churches, youth leader etc…) to leaving entirely and rather looking at things through my own eyes. Kinda also went down the studying of more-esoteric/occult thought during the time quite heavily. This, all during the same kinda turmoil you mentioned in your experience. I also think different cultures and religions would possibly experience something which relates more-specifically to their environment. Mine just happened to be the Christian one. Sometimes you wonder if there’s a bigger element to the fluctuations in mood and thought in certain people, in terms of seeing things more-clearly. As in peeling away the sugar-coating of the ‘perfect world’ we’re all raised to think it is. Maybe we feel the disappointment more? Maybe we see reality more-clearly in delusion? I rate the whole realisation, acceptance and moving/living through that (i guess, awakening) process, can be seen as delusional to those around you and DEFINITELY feel unlike you to yourself in that moment. You lose many friends along the way etc… but, yes, in the big scheme of things you do realise that you were going through your own war at the time which may have led to foggy thinking… (in my case)… but then again, maybe what i was going through and questioning was actually part of what it is to be a human fighting from the bottom of the barrel to get your head back above water? I think people also do look inward and face some of the deepest/darkest parts of their souls during those times… this, I believe, is where you’re able to actually accept yourself for who you are, as you battle inwardly, unfortunately sometimes leaving friends behind in the wake of your own turmoil/journey through hell. Looking back, with a clearer head now, i can see that YES it was a horrible time and big decisions were seemingly rightly/wrongly made at the time, however a lot of those choices made have been for the better (for me) and greatly matured me in understanding the overall human experience. So thats when i just find it interesting that by going through something so painful, you might (if you get through it) land up understanding what it is to be a human a bit more intimately. And if so, why were you chosen to be initiated through that fire? All in all, you are the only one who will ever walk the earth through your own eyes. We have our own unique versions of the human experience that no one else will ever be able to perceive or relate to. With that in mind, its almost logical to see how certain people might start looking too deep within themselves to find all the answers… they are there, but I guess if you aren’t ready to see the darkest corners of your soul it could land up leading to the doctors/hospital etc… Just all very interesting to me. When you went through bad psychotic breaks, was there order in the chaos somewhere? Or was it all just chaos? Anyways. Have a rad weekend. Thanks again for sharing.

I love your quote "there might be a god but I want nothing to do with them". My situation is different, but I also go by this. I'm healthier without worrying about it.

Thanks for sharing

My stepfather bused me ( emotionally mentally physically) half of my life and it created illness, unstable emotionally and mentally and turned me into promiscuity. I had sexual traumas. People can ruin ur life.

I thought i was going through drug induced psychosis but i recorded footage of a entity that convinced me i was being spiritually attacked by something because of my usage.

2:28 this was the ultimate result and most consistently used “power” by god and others that kept me “trying to be a better Christian” for so long. Thankfully, I’m out. Not to belittle the aspect of your mental health that seems to have exacerbated the issue. But this “god doesn’t think you’re good enough” bit can happen to anyone. It seems to me to be a consistent side effect of religions. I have my own trio (so far) of diagnosed mental health conditions that exacerbated my difficulties with religion as well. Different from you for sure. Also recovering alcoholic here. I’m in a Buddhist flavored recovery group as it feels far safer than rooms with Christianity heavily mixed in. Uh, thanks for the video! It caused me to share more than I anticipated lol.

Thank you for sharing. I have been diagnosed bipolar and I think my Dr. Is starting to lean towards schizoaffective as well because he is recommending a change in my meds to clozapine. I had lost my mother while she was young and the trauma sent me searching the Bible for answers. My mother came to me in dreams that felt like they were from heaven so I followed one to see a mountain across the country and then in the middle of a manic episode God spoke to me and the holly spirit said heaven is real I a telepathic message in my head. So God or perfectly timed hallucination, it helped me heal the grief I was suffering. But I can't let go of what one dream with my dead mother might be a clue to be telling me as to the sign of the rapture. So you see why my doctor is trying to up the antipsychotics. I feel it's God and maybe we are going home soon as believers in God, but maybe it's just my mind trying to comfort itself. If I think I am going to heaven soon, then I will see my mother soon and that is a day I can't wait for to happen again. Lost her too young. Clearly it hurt and the loss is the trauma that caused my mental health to spiral. A lack of love can do that. I am glad you found a feeling of love and warmth in the spirit you talk to. Hope you find more love in your life to heal all of your wounds.

I watched this because I have a friend that is experiencing something completely similar. He speaks to God, and he believes that he is the Adam. He proposed a married girl because he deeply believes that she is Eve, and they ought to be together. It's good to know that this gets fixed.

I got 28 years sober and go to AA. I'm spiritual.

If I got it, I had to drop religion completely. It only adds to the symptoms

I am ''of faith'' to an extent, but I met way too many well adjusted happy atheists to believe religion is needed for everybody. I'm glad you made the right decision for you and are in a better place.

Mine is quite de oposite: I'm a chaos witch and my fascination is with the dark side and its forces. I'm acompanied by an entity which is a vampiress, who has been by my side since I was 9 years old. I'm currently 21 and I also have autism and ADHD.

As I told you before, my Mom was the schizophrenic. -She was not religious, and she told me once that she lost her faifh because the immaculate conception was just impossible for her to grasp. - I am more closer to being a Theosophist. But I am not quite that. I see that religions cause a lot of troubles in our world now.

Religious thinking and believing in a higher power makes me feel hyper like like im in a altered state. Thats why even if I believe in a universal power I still feel like mv life is in synchronization with everything and everything becomes perfect at is and honestly that shit isnt healthy for me. Id rather just not put belief or faith in it

I'm going through the same thing but in my own unique way. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and my experiences started in 2014 and are definitely a lot more advanced now in 2023 in a way that I enjoy. I have such belief that it's God, I actually have no doubts. I have always been religious all my life even since when I was younger and have had a full life without any mysterious experiences until after my mid twenties. I've just experienced things that are in correlation to my life, So I know it's not a chemical imbalance. I won't believe it's spiritual psychosis because I believe I'm in a rarity situation.

I remembered shortly after I gave my life to Christ, battling oppressive tormenting thoughts. God helped me find my identity in Christ one Scripture at a time. The first was I have died, and my life is hidden in Christ. My son is suffering with schizoaffective with bi-polar disorder, but he does not know how to surrender his life to the God who can give him peace beyond understanding.

I’m Christian and I have schizoaffective disorder. It’s hard to balance it. I’m not religious per day but I’m more spiritual then anything. I don’t know ppl for what they believe. I know the voices I deal with tell me that they are God and that they hate me and he does and I’m going to hell. The voices I hear say a lot of things to me, and I even Test them and I’ve found out they lie. But I do still. Believe and have faith that there is a higher power like that watching over me because a lot of the time when I’m down and out be having faith helps get me out of the ish I put myself into, my mental disorder puts me through. Also it keeps me alive. ❤

My mother grew up a Catholic Christian and I went to 2 non religious schools (Elementary School and Middle School ) then back in 2015 at age 13 during middle school I developed an obsession with Religion and it was strange for me as I don’t suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder or Schizophrenia These are my following diagnosis 1 Cerebral Palsy 2 Epilepsy 3 Anxiety I started My RU-vid Channel way back in 2015 at the age of 13 years old

I had delusions hallucinations and psychosis with religion based themes. Once I accepted medication and accepted help I decided to sway away from religion. I still want to believe there is a God of the Bible and that he will just understand my absence because of everything I went through

I had 4 psychotic episodes and three of them were related to my Christian faith. I hallucinated demons attacking me and angels being next to me and had to be hospitalized for at least a month every time. I want to be believe in Jesus still but i don't want to think about religion, i just live my life, i don't go to church or read the Bible. I think i don't have to give up the faith but the key to a healthy life for me is not to delve too deep into religion.

1. Thank You for sharing your truth. 2. I am a Religious Non Binary and find that my faith is mine alone and I'm okay with that. 3. Reality is yours IN YOUR right now, and no one can take that from you. Everything else, past and future.....is an illusion or delusion, and Our own individual truth guides us....no one else should.

Thats the wonderful thing with life. Its short, but long enoughto recover from our own stupidity

Don't have to know what's real, just know what's in front of me! Nice. It is a continual learning, I feel.

I dealt with something similar. I thought i was in constant conversation with Jesus and Angels and Lucifer and throughout my experiences there was a time when i thought i was the reincarnated Jesus. Zeprexa helped alot but the side effects are pretty awful

💗

This brings me back to 2014 where I felt watched by good. I felt I was the choosen one. An embasetro of god and the animal kindom. I was scared of god for a wile but it blew over.

I'm not leaving,I have faith in you

when i was 17 i decided to become a christian (my dad is very religious) i started believing the voices in my head were god and i really embarassed myself infront of my friends and family with just how dedicated i was, there is now a part of my mind which i cannot access which is directly linked with selflessness and being kind... i'm not saying i can't be kind... but i cannot chose to be kind otherwise i will begin to get these voices... the day i realised the voices were not god... i will never forget it... god was telling me to fast... eventhough at this point i was only 10 stone at 6foot3... that day it thundered and rained for hours here in the uk where is rarely thunders... but i was past it at that point... i knew the voices were not god and i remember the experience almost being like the first ever time i was actually conscious... like before then i had never questioned reality... and it was the first time in my life i felt depressed... 17 years later and i still experience chronic depression on a daily basis with feelings of suicide and countless previous suicide attempts... i've never understood what happened

Understanding is difficult, but the way you describe your mental affliction was a relatable conception. It would be easy to talk about myself, yet easier to see why i commented... Can't say i agree with your analysis yet again that's the point of perception and Psychosis - to reiterate, what you experienced and what I've experienced are entirely different; and though some similarities like God, delusional thoughts, and a process to find peace - the difference is what persistence does one have to question reality let alone determine it? Truth is, it's in the Holy Bible - why? Because in order to seek an answer - you must ask. What is reality? Let's find a level ground to stand on first. Yes peace is good and trauma is bad in child speak, but as an adult - you don't grow with sugar in a padded cell. To elaborate, Faith - a Trusted belief that's acted upon can send you over waters like Peter towards Jesus... Doubt in that belief is like the winds and depths of that water. As the kingdom of God is growth in faith, doubt is the weapon of the evil one. In psychosis terminology, the lies of what you believe (aka: false reality) can hurt your mobility in everyday life, but to have a support system can better you in more ways than one (Let's say to reinforce your structural integrity.) Reason to believe in Jesus Christ: He brings hope, rest, and support to the weary. When you're lost, he's the beacon of light from a lighthouse. When you're down, he tells you to get up - like your coach or teacher/ parent does after you fall... He comforts you in your misery, and all you have to do is turn to him. He is real. The more you question what is real, you begin to understand that we're not here by accident... But we should definitely do our best to be like him in character - for everyone can benefit kindness forgiveness and patience. May peace be with you even in the hardest of times, amen.