My Public Meltdown - Unmasked, Unedited, Unwatchable 

I could watch unfiltered, unregulated, REAL orion all day long. I'm not even trying to make a joke. This kind of video is so validating.

Thank you for being so real. I can really relate to the embarrassment of having public meltdowns. Sometimes the worst part is having to face the people that saw the meltdown again.

Thank you for sharing. You said about a part in the video that nobody is gonna understand what you’re talking about, but I understood every word. You are helping more people than you know. It helps to know that you’re not alone in the world.

Fellow Autist here, Thank you firstly, Orion for everything you do, and your sharing of this experience with such raw openness. I'm so often so compelled to give context to normies as I've become so accustomed to being dragged and flamed and interrupted and bored over, interrupted and having the other peson jump to conclusions, it's hard _not_ to spend too long explaining things to anybody that comes my way but then I feel bad for oversharing and exhausted for doing so. Plus the time blindness is an added factor that leads to both parties being frazzled. English as a language frustrates me because it itself seems to take forever to get to the point! I've had so many public meltdowns that I've lost count, and have had strangers ask me during my meltdown if I'm crazy, which also helps absolutely zero..! I wasn't there at this meeting, but as an outsider looking in and someone who is experiencing astronomical frustration with the NDIS et al, I'm actually flabbergasted that in the years, decades of people working with autistic people within Australia and internationally, that the people who set up this event for everyone to attend weren't more time-managerial and super-over-prepared for facilitating unning the meeting, as in, not us autistic people, since somewhere along the line there would have been at least someone not autistic who was part of the planning process, someone who has the compassion and experience to know what we need in general. Whomever had set it up should have really scrutinized over the way the event was to be conducted to ensure that everyone is able to speak, everyone gets breaks and is able to re-center themselves, everyone has prompts for what needs to be spoken about and that people get their turn to speak. The lagging, the glitches, the sound leaks, the incertitude of the flow and direction, the sensitized nature of the attendees, all aspects involved it's a miracle anyone made it halfway! And we're time blind! The technology is not made for us. I can't look at a screen to talk to someone with my own face talking back to me as well, it's distracting and overwhelming, but you are right anyone would be there for 6+hrs if it meant we are heard and listened to..

At the 16:47 min I had to pause and just laugh out loud!!! 🤣 “Never in the history of the world has an autistic person been able to answer a question succinctly, quickly, and time sensitive.” HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA 😂 and then I had to replay it twice to make sure my quote didn’t have errors and then a final third time to laugh one more time.

Oh honey! I'm so sorry you had that public meltdown. For me those are so much more draining than when they happen only among people who know me well. And I know these videos may not appeal as much to neurotypical folks, but I can assure you, this late diagnosed autistic guy loves these unmasked and unedited videos with a passion. The real you is charming, witty, and heartfelt, and I feel so much more connected and in tune with you and what you're saying when you're being your genuine self - it's seeing someone who, if we met, I think I'd find you enjoyable and likeable to spend time with, even if it's just doing parallel activities, each in our own little bubble, but able to just /be/. Your explanation of a meltdown using the sun and solar flares as an example is beautiful, it's not one I've heard before, but the images you conjured in my head with that were truly magical, and after going out in public, and nearing my limit for neurotypical interaction for the day, you have helped me to re-regulate myself again. Thank you ♥ For neurotypicals reading the comments, the way a meltdown feels to me is exactly as it sounds. The masked me the world gets to see is a nuclear reactor, these little reactions churning along, neutrons colliding with atoms, releasing energy, still something people are wary of, take precautions to protect themselves from by keeping their distance, and limiting their time of exposure. My mask is like the reactor rods, it stops those reactions from growing in number. When my mask fails, it's a nuclear reactor with the rods retracted, no longer absorbing those neutrons, and the reactor goes from critical to supercritical. Alarm chimes all around me start going off as the neurotypical world around me suddenly can't handle the real me, and especially not the no longer regulated me. If I cannot get those rods back into the reactor, it progresses to the point where eventually, the core melts through the containment around it - and when that happens, that's it, I'm broken, I'm burned out, I need time and expertise to put me back together again. Only, they don't make the parts for this reactor anymore, every time this happens, it's a patch job, and my ability to function as I used to is less, my chances of failure are greater. I worry, sometimes, that eventually, I'll be held together with little more than duct tape and prayers. Because when it gets to that point, I am scared that the next failure, I won't be able to be put back together. There won't be a me to put back together anymore.

I now know the term 'solar flares', thats a good one. I dont understand how the officials thought this out at all. total cluster&$#@ to trigger all of those who this was planned to assist. You gave it the best you could have Orion, not a well planned affair. I need longer than 30seconds to choose a bloody onion in the produce section. This was meant to help people & ended up being a horrific experience. Im sorry, what the hell did they expect? You did nothing wrong, Thanks for opening your heart & mind to us, we need that.

A big problem is NT people need to learn to accept people as they are and not be rude, snowflakes about others being different. They refuse to understand because they just want to learn how to change autistics. This seems to be their goal. They need to change their approach and learn to accept others and teach NT people to be more kind. This is not an autistic problem. It is a social problem neurotypical people have in today's society.

Caught!! Your simile of the sun and moon for autism is phenomenal. 👍🏻 stellar, even. 🫡 When the services put in place to ‘help’ autistic people are responsible for the events that make them feel MOST autistic, there’s something really wrong. I’m sorry that you had such a hard experience in that specific situation, but I’m glad you’re articulate and passionate enough to share it with us not only at the time, but also when you’ve had chance to go over it in retrospect and in safety. You don’t have to feel any pressure to solve problems for us or NT’s, the very fact you are self aware enough to be able to break these experiences down after the fact and make them thoroughly understandable is your gift here. Maybe NOW is the time to contact the organisation and ask them to allow you a de-brief, in an autistic friendly environment, in the way you have to us, asking them not to interrupt.. Or sent them this! It’s brilliant. Thank you for your continued efforts to unite us and them, as resilient as they may be! 👍🏻👍🏻

Covid-19 can increase the intensity of ASD presentation. Especially since my infection (4 years ago) I've struggled with communicating my point concisely. I thought it was due to cognitive issues, but this made me realize maybe instead it is ASD that got more intense. Or could be both I guess.

I'm a little dysregulated so im probably overreacting a bit, but when you said "What else is there for me to do?", I started crying. I'm in a job that demands so many things that I'm just not good at, that I can't do well no matter how much I try. But it's been that way at EVERY job I've had, so I'm just at a loss. I have to make a living, but it just costs me so much to function (like everyone else seems to do effortlessly) that I have nothing left outside working hours. I'm just a a juncture where I'm really trying to figure out "What else IS there for me to do?" Slightly different context, but the passing was way too close to what if been asking myself for the last month...

Thank you so much for this video, so far I’m undiagnosed at 59 y/o trying to get my healthcare professional to help me get assessed with no success and desperately looking to find my way thru my life as so very different from the world I live in. This video is by far in the top 3 of helpful to me on my journey. Thank you so so very much Orion for helping me to feel less alone. 🥲

I would argue that you didn't fail. You demonstrated how flawed their entire approach was (just listening to the setup gives me anxiety). The fact that they didn't even listen to you about the problems with the format itself just proves how much work needs to be done. Public meltdowns are extremely embarrassing and draining. Several times I had a public meltdown I was nearly fired from my job. I still feel ashamed of those instances, even a decade or more later

I totally understand this Orion. I went in person to the Autistic Forum in Melbourne and I had to keep pulling myself back. I said to my neurotypical friend never ask an Autistic person a question when you want a straight quick answer, it will take five hours as my brain always takes the scenic route 😂 loved this video 💙

Seeing someone reacting how I do was affirming. Seeing someone be vulnerable and honest about these thing heals my inner child. Thank you for being open about how crippling this can be. Thank you for being you and advocating for us all despite the pain and embarrassment. Thank you.

My heart hurts for you, Orion. I hope you understand that you are NOT unwatchable. This is not unwatchable for me, or for us, your community. This is so deeply ... reaffirming. You're talking like I do. You look like me, today. I know that your audience has some neurotypical people, too. Partners, parents, siblings, friends, loved ones of autistic people wanting to understand and help. But they don't understand that sometimes, autism looks like this. Sometimes, we are astounding and eloquent, and other times we are angry, frustrated, or heartbroken to the point that words become totally useless and it's easier to just say nothing at all. We are always, however, burning with passion. We deserve to be loved, respected, and heard, no matter what we look like that day. What you went through... I don't think you should be embarrassed. You had and have EVERY. FUCKING. RIGHT. To be outraged. I cannot believe that a group neurotypical politicians got together and thought that they somehow, someway, knew better than an AUTISTIC MAN, a HIGHLY EDUCATED AUTISTIC MAN WHO HAS DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO TALKING TO AND HELPING AUTISTIC PEOPLE ... *sigh* how could they think they would know better than you how to talk to - and hear - autistic people? Why would they think we need to talk like them, when this is the whole reason we are hurting to begin with?? How could they possibly believe that the way to help us is to continue forcing us to adhere to their expectations? On our day to be heard? On our day to be us? Holy shit. It's absolutely something to be angry about. They don't want to help. They want to say they "tried." They want to say that we can't be helped. They want to say that we are not compliant. They want to say we won't accept their help. They won't say that an autistic man tried to help THEM understand how to talk to us. They'll say we couldn't do it. They'll say we didn't try.

It's my experience as an Autistic adult, that when we vent, that is just want to let off steam, not directed at anyone, just release all the built up exaggerated emotions we feel, even though it is not directed at someone, people in the proximity seem to take it personally. Based on the fact that Autistic individuals tend to be very empathic and have exaggerated emotions, it is possible, I believe, that we "radiate" these emotions and they become tangibly felt by those around us. Even prefacing it with, "It's not you", or "I just need to vent", it makes no difference. This often leads to misunderstandings. This is just my experience.

Wow, thank you Orion! As a neurotypical person who has struggled to understand adult autistic companions, this video has opened my eyes and my heart to melt downs I’ve witnessed and inappropriately took personally. You have done a great service to all with this video, autistic and neurotypical alike🙏🏼. Hats off to you my friend and again, thank you so very much for the hard won insight👍🏼.

My favorite part of your videos..... I get to see what people see when talking with me. Sometimes I hate being different but i'm grateful to know i'm not alone.

I just swore at a priest during a funeral if that helps mate 🤷‍♂️

I was squirming hearing your story only because I can relate on so many levels with my own experiences. I too would have had the same experience of frustration and after reflection, you can see that this system was doomed to fail as it was unrealistic for the intended participants. Thank you for your honesty and your passion for wanting to make a difference in this world. Much respect from Adelaide

Can I say, thank you for being yourself, for sharing your raw, unedited, unscripted, account of your public meltdown (as you put it). Your account was very interesting and insightful, even as a neurotypical person, who works in the disability sector. This was the best explanation/situation account, to help me get more insight into Autism, and how things like time constraints, group pressure, trying to answer questions succinctly, etc are difficult and how us neurotypical people need to be more open minded, empathetic, realistic to provide alternative options in situations like you just experienced (ie online forums, meetings, etc) I'm curious if you could press rewind and do it again, in what ways would you suggest changing the format, alter the approach, the forum, layout for a more positive outcome in your eyes? To help others who may have to arrange online meetings, etc. Anyway, well done on your self reflection and subsequent light bulb moment. Amazing to see how, although triggered, you learnt from this experience. Not many people 'even neurotypical' can self reflect as well as you did in this video. 👍💯💖

"autistic people don't take breaks btw, if an autistic person wants a break, they don't care about your allocated break time, we'll just get up and leave the god damn meeting" *ORION THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR VALIDATING THIS FEELING FOR ME!!!* i'm 23 years old, and i was just diagnosed about a month ago. there's a lot of things i still don't understand about myself, a lot of traits i never realized had everything to do with my autism. your channel has helped me so much along my journey. thank you.

You are making so many people feel heard and understood and not alone. You are very appreciated.

You didn't fail Orion, the system failed you and never apologise for being yourself

You went. You TRIED to accommodate a forum … run by NT’s. You did it. It was a miserable set up BUT you gave it a go! You are an example to all of us… to keep pushing ourselves to attempt the “impossible!” Your live video has shown all the deficits of the forum - and hopefully they will adapt it. You are human. You were frustrated. Thanks for sharing! It was just a really crap setup. Your live talks are my fav because I so relate!!!

Definitely not unwatchable! You sounded just like me and all of those frustrations made perfect sense. But, we all know letting it rip like that always offends the powers that be so we all have our own little disclaimer filled with apologies and regret. 💕

Trying to get an autistic person to have a conversation using NT rules and conventions is like trying to put the proverbial square peg in the round hole.

I like the Sun analogy, but don’t forget the other attributes of the Sun, it reveals and makes things grow😎👍

This is one of the best videos I've ever seen. I'm Autistic (late diagnosis), but the whole way though the video, I could not stop smiling and laughing! The whole time I'm thinking to myself, I'm not the only one who is like this. The way you explained things, got diverted and frustrated, it was like I was looking in the mirror (but not with the same reflection). Thank you for making me feel included and not alone! 😃👍👍

I particularly appreciate the idea of dysregulation. I melted down in front of important people a few months ago. I was embarrassed. My wife (who is also autistic) said "you didn't say anything that wasn't true." She was right, but the delivery was uncontrolled and made people to not want hear me. They wanted me to be wrong because of my delivery. I saw the same thing in your delivery. You didn't say anything untrue, and I agreed with all your points. It was dysregulated. Honestly I think you were right. The meltdown just yanked off the regulator.

I think the solar flare metaphor describes and explains autistic unmasking and meltdowns extremely well.

It is indeed difficult to watch your content sometimes, but that’s why it’s so important. You won’t always be right about everything, but if we’re going to be heard we have to enter the arena anyway. Thanks for persisting.

I often get the impression politicians like to go on for hours, yet will only listen for seconds!

This sounds absolutely awful. You didn't fail. The system of this call failed you all.

What a relief to finally hear somebody explain so clearly and honestly about trying to get autistic people under time constraints to answer questions without a) going off on a personal tangent and b) triggering other people as our voice rises and we start speaking faster. I found myself nodding over and over again as you were explaining what it's like when neurodivergent people end up in a group discussion. Soooo much truth there. "We'll just get up and leave the goddam meeting. We don't care about special times." AMEN!!!!!

Sorry that you had to go through such a frustrating experience. And thank you for sharing it. For me ("not autistic") that was very insightful and understandable. The concept of zoom meetings under time pressure and with many different people is extremely frustrating even for the most patient neurotypical person...."modern" life in general is not easy for anyone. At least you were able to learn something through this experience. I love your channel. Keep on. Greetings from Switzerland 🇨🇭

I absolutely love this video, your raw communication is actually super calming and a really satisfying flow of information. Its so nice to listen to someone one the same wavelength as myself.

I like the unfiltered videos! Usually you just see the regulated and well functioning side of autistic content creators. It's very refreshing to see the unfiltered struggles that they go through just as any autistic person. We love you, Orion!

You seem so normal when unedited. I guess my whole family is neurodiverse as autistic and adhd combined-ish. Instead, I need to see how neurotypicals act in these situations, lol.

I've watched so many videos of Autistic content creators who always seem so put together that I've always thought something was wrong with me because inside, I'm a scrambled mess. Orion, this video validated my struggles, and showed just how f*king frustrating and physically, mentally, and emotionally draining it is being Autistic. Thank you so much for this, and for just being you.

I believe that maybe it would have helped to give people the questions and themes in advance and maybe even give them time a day before, so that they would be able to process, think and maybe even discuss them beforehand. How is one supposed to answer something in a short way if they also have to process and think about it at the same time? They could've written down their important parts or conclusions and then shared that instead of trying to get to the core while at it.

Hi Orion, why not pre-record informative video presentations and submit them to public interest groups, rather than turning up live. You could get your followers to contribute to these videos, Give them a voice. Then you are in control of the narrative and don't have to worry about things. No masking required!

This is honestly the most human and relatable autistic video I have seen on RU-vid. I’ve had a week of this and I can’t tell you how validating this is. I know it sucks, and I’m so sorry you have these meltdowns, but I can’t thank you enough for sharing

Thanks for the service you do for us in the ND community Orion.

Orion, THANK YOU for sharing this!!! Also, I love that when you got disregulated, you just infodumped facts about the sun at us 😂😂😂 LOVE IT. I JUST had a public meltdown last night at work. My schedule was changed AGAIN last minute, and I had already had a really long weekend where I had to train a staff for 12 hours straight, had to deal with accusing guardians (I work in a group home), I was left unstaffed when I thought I had staff, I left my breast pump at home and thought I was working 36 hours straight so I drove 45 minutes home and 45 minutes back to get it so I would have it overnight. Then when the staff FINALLY showed up after leaving me single staffed all day (he was scheduled to work with me during the day), I was able to pump……and then I dropped my bottle of milk on the floor and just started crying. The other staff was like “awww Natalie, you can just go home.” I replied “I can’t, I’m doing the overnight…” and he just says “why?” And for some reason I just KNEW this was going to happen (we were double booked for the night shift, which has happened MULTIPLE TIMES). I just lost it. I IMMEDIATELY start hyperventilating, crying harder, slamming stuff around, raising my voice. I ended up just having to leave and get away from everyone because I didn’t want to scare my clients and it was only going to get worse. I had a meltdown for a full hour. It was so embarrassing, exhausting, frustrating. I COULD NOT control it. And then when I came back this morning to relieve him, he made a joke about how he could report me and get me fired, because he doesn’t understand that I had an autistic meltdown, even though I said it multiple times. My co-workers think it’s like, a joke or something when I say I’m autistic. I have to literally be like: “I’m autistic, like some of the people we support”, and literally name autistic clients we support. He thought I just lost my temper. It’s like, yeah, I lost my temper, but it was after being pushed to my socializing/sensory/last minute change limit and I just snapped. I had been holding off a meltdown all day and between losing the milk I had waited all day to pump and then having my schedule changed AGAIN last minute, I just snapped. And now I’m back at work for another 14 hour day, single staffed with two clients, one who is full care. I’m also the lead so I literally do EVERYTHING for the home. The grocery shopping, the doctors appointments, all of the paperwork, all of the communicating with the guardians (who think I’m like, an indentured friend that they can dump THEIR ENTIRE LIFE ON). It’s just like. I SNAPPED.

I love these videos they make me feel less alone and valid.

“Consultation period is a croc”. ‘’ my whole life is walking around with a disclaimer before I say anything”’. Again put in the brutally honest way that is perfect and priceless. I feel your agitation in this video. Please trust me, so many of us hear you ❤ that whole experience sounds so counterproductive. This is more a reflection on the powers that be, not you.

Possible solution for the "conference" thing: classic Survey Monkey. -open the survey 2 weeks before the live discussion; -make it easy on a desktop with a large monitor; -present blocks of 10ish questions/ topics for discussion on each page; -allow backtracking between pages (don't permanently "submit" answers until the very end; -set a word limit in each response box. This will allow folks to organize their thoughts into the discussion, cut-and-paste to ensure everything gets said (not too many times), know what's going to happen, process before sharing thoughts (limiting backtracking) and change their answers accordingly.

Another great video! Thank you for touching on adult meltdowns. They’re so exhausting, intense and I often feel so ashamed and embarrassed afterward, it’s such a terrible feeling and experience. Loved the solar flare side rant, and nice shirt!

I'm only 1 min in, and as a fellow Autist I'm just going "Ohhh nooo..." And feeling for you, at the mere mention of a public meltdown. :/ Even when it happens to me at home, in front of just my family, I always feel embarassed afterward, so I can just imagine how that would feel in public. Good on ya 4 sharing about it tho, it's so important for all of us (especially NTs) to know about! 🥰

Dear Orion, a thought what might help in future could be.... to ask for written submissions that will be collated and later summarized and for there to be a series of questions guiding people for them to give an opinion or response to. I'm hopeful this would give clear insight into possible improvements and government's actions to assist the Autistic Community. Plus people would have time to reflect and give a considered response. Everyone would have a chance to "have their say", and it could be statistically analyzed to show the most pressing problems to be dealt with first. I don't know if these ideas are of any help... but my thoughts are with you for the future. All the best Joseph

I have to go through this on at least a weekly basis, during meetings with doctors/school/DDD/etc., when I’m trying to advocate for my son’s needs. I try to tell everyone involved that I need the questions/talking points ahead of time and need to be allowed to communicate through writing. My best solution, so far, is a texting group/chain where I discuss or respond to issues over time, and then once each month we have a virtual meeting during which members of the CFT, often the NTs I trust, will “translate” my messages/meaning from over the past month to the relevant authorities in the meeting. If I chime in, it usually comes off as a rant, but this is rare now that I have some amazing “translators” who are also caring advocates for my son (and me, when relevant).

These are your best videos, the real you is great, you make perfect sense. These videos are totally watchable and really insightful. Thank you for taking the chance and doing them. Have you thought about what you would do if you were in charge of the government committee about improving the lives of people with autism? I'm curious. If you were totally in control and could do it anyway you wanted, what would you do? That would be an interesting idea for a video.

Im sorry that this has happened Orion I totally understand where your coming from I have had a couple of public meltdowns but I always try to get out of the situation that makes me uncomfortable I appreciate you for being honest

I genuinely enjoy your unmasked personality Orion. I think you’re incredibly likeable tbh. ✌️💕🌻

Sending thanks and best wishes from the Isle of Wight, England. I really feel for you, since Autistic people do have empathy after all, and hope that there are better days ahead.

You are amazing! You explain things so well. You are helping me in communicating with my autistic husband. I really appreciate it. I’ll let you know how it goes in future.

Thank you for showing me the unfiltered you. I saw a lot of my husbands challenges in this video. The more I watch you the more I'm starting to understand him. You are a very important man, keep sharing your thoughts and insights. Cheers

Just blame the organizers I say.

“We just get up and leave the goddamn meeting. “ That killed me. 😆😆😆

This is one of the best youtube videos i have ever seen. I will never forget it. Thanks so much.

Hey Orion, I try to find the meltdown. But for me it sounds like you are just legitimately angry about a situation and I watched the video before this one. I myself am ADHD and get told that I am overreacting sometimes and that I shout or talk very loudly although for me it feels like a normal voice. It is just when I get agitated positively or negatively my voice gets loud and people think I am shouting. :D So I am trying to find out if I have meltdowns without me maybe recognizing it? What is the difference of a meltdown versus an neurotypical angry outburst or maybe an ADHD meltdown? Maybe neurotypicals can choose to suppress their anger, frustration and confusion and we neurodivergent people cannot? Or is it just the confustion that is different? Neurotypical people get angry but we are just so confused about how people behave and then the confusion and frustration looks like anger from the outside? The ranting you do and the surprise that people do not want to hear your input that would truly benefit their goal is something that I would do. But I find it totally normal and nothing near to embarrassing - for me watching it - but I would feel a bit ashamed too if it was me. But maybe this is the case because I myself am neurodivergent. I do not understand why people cannot handle true emotions. In particular if they are not insulting someone else... If you just express what you feel, then why is this a problem for people? Because they cannot handle their own emotions seeing someone having emotions? I really think that they should learn how to handle that. It is not that difficult. They should not force people to suppress their reactions just because they themselves cannot handle it (Of course there are some ground rules like not hurting or insulting someone etc.). Let people have their emotions, listen to what they are saying, let them breath and validate their emotions and afterwards we can look how we can avoid this situation in the future. Why is this so hard? We are not machines. We are humans. Emotions are information. We have to express them and listen to them.

1. :,) so glad, so moved, to hear that description... sun trying to be the moon. YES! thankyou, so handy, i'll be using that to try explain it. SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND. 2. ugh, yeah, sympathies for the burden of disclaimer on everything. i strive to carry on as am, but that still ends up needing mitigations. burn-out n trauma are no fun. 3. lol, yeah, succinctly, timely, answer now! for autistic people. lmao. oh the daft irony. lol. so funny a facility fail. good bug in the system to improve. :D respect the thought cascades! ;) :) it's good that we're at least up to this clunky starts on improving facilities some places. 4. break schedules. yeah. we dont do that. ... it's like they call us robots, but we're the ones on our human schedules timing, not fitting in robot schedules. 5. the task at hand. hard to contain to these arbitrary bounds. it's all connected, and many of us see the complexity and intricacy of those connections vividly. 6. i'm glad you had that anger, and are sharing about it. because it is frustrating. we are struggling with it for real. "it's the same thing", yeah, it's us... and, oh to get the signal from the noise eh? like the well curated concise, we love, but also struggle in the verbosity of unfurling cascades of connections. heh. yeah, oh to get the gov bods to see the signal. it's frustrating, and is the challenge itself, and worth the real felt experience shared. it is the very thing, exemplified. like the fail to get at it, reveals it anyway. :) so, it's kinda like, a little hint of "oh good" for that anger/meltdown, in a weird way. sun bursts. :) 7. neurotypicals coming with offensively wrong positivity-ninny'ism, ugh, yeah, that's a strain too. all well n fine in those glorious too rare times we can explain the contrary to them. but it tends come so fast a spray of ill conceived wrongs, we're knocked back by it and dont have the space to convey the information they're missing. 8. those lacking the competence dont know the lack the competence. frustrating, dealing with each our areas of dunning-kruger's mount-stupid. similar to the psyche of the totalitarianised, we have to keep on speaking out, keep spreading seeds, perchance some day they take root. and carry on learning to grow our own humility faster, aware of the danger of a little bit of information and to strive for far more beyond first appearances. :) so many of them are in their dire predicament to get the mends, just same as you, and reaching for what they can. and point 6. again. 9. hehe, there's my verbose(ish) set of responses as listened. glad in text with my own time. imagining i too would fail at concise succinct real-time. [tho phone/videocall anx means i'd feel excluded form that methods. no one size fits all. glad for diversity of approaches for diverse aptitudes and abilitirs.] 10. great rant. i felt like i was with you in every word of that. :)

The solar flare analogy…I could relate to that. When I was working on my masters degree program I once became so frustrated while on campus, I threw my books and notebooks against the wall with a loud bang. I had been walking with a classmate, and it must have been out of the blue to her. I’m glad no one else was there to see that.

When I listen to you describe the format, for me it would make more sense if they had the participants do written submissions/surveys. That way they could get more data, more who would participate. The people could do the survey at their own pace and have no to little time constraints. I wouldn't be able to attend such a thing. The ADHD in me would had lost interest and left the chat and they dyslexia in me would half understand what was said.

A solar flare is so accurate. It's a build up that spews out. For me that looks like flappy hands, then crying while "coping", then hysterically crying while covering my ears, then hours and hours of sleep while wearing earmuffs.

Your whole tone and mannerisms sound and look just like I do when describing a triggering event/day to my wife.

Seemed like a perfectly rational reaction to me!

Sorry to say, but that tangent about the sun had me in stitches - felt like I was watching myself 😂

You were literally hearding cats. Difficult on a good day but being a cat yourself made it completely impossible. I love how our brains can make these types of analogy. Sounds kinda like a nightmare honestly.

Does anyone experience meltdowns as, what I call, 'exorcist' moments? When all your brakes are off, your mind is filled with the thoughts of a bully which you know are very mean and cruel and wrong but things are sooooo overwhelming that you find yourself spewing the meanest comments, remarks, thoughts etc? And you are trying to stop that bully in you (because you know it is cruel and wrong, you know it so well and you don't mean those words), yet you are soooo furious, so angry, everything is just so much, and you are hurting sooo much that you also want to release that bully hoping it will calm you down? And it doesn't calm you down, you feel guilty for being the evil person, so you turn to yourself and hurt yourself in any way you can? 😿

The session was nerve wracking . To lead a group of people whom live with Autism , You found that you had a huge learning experience in authentic Autism spectrum disorders. Now you realise that communication in a strategic direction does not necessarily mean it will work for all. These interview interactions would be a great opportunity for learning how to approach understand and assist In tangible ways 😊

I'll spare everyone paragraph upon paragraph and leave it at I am glad you shared.

Thankyou for this Orion. I love your honesty and self awareness. Please keep speaking out like this, it helps me so much ❤

I don’t think I’m autistic but this made sense to me. There are a lot of levels here, the frustration with the frustration of being frustrated is legitimately real, frustration is actually the human condition; for some people it’s probably a low level simmer that runs through their day and for other people it builds and crashes like your solar flares metaphor; the reality is we’re meant to have times where we’re just messing stuff up, it’s necessary to mess it up until we get it right, then once that’s sorted out, we’ll have to find something else wrong to fix… it’s just how brains work, evolution, at least to an extent, maybe.

Orion, you are definitely caught between a literal rock and a hard place here. However, you've done a great job! The point, the REASON we need you there representing us in that very difficult position, is because you will make these important videos explaining what happened. This explanation is very important for both AUDHDers, AND Neurotypicals. You are thoughtful, eloquent, and inciteful, and these skills are required to do what you have done here. The situation was flawed in the first place. This is how NT's do things, it doesn't work for us. A much better approach would be to have a brief meeting, explaining, and outlining what kind of information they were trying to collect. Then let US, ruminate on it, and write in our recommendations, and suggestions. Yes, someone is going to have to read them, and boil them down to similar essences. That's OK, it would be more effective than the method put together by those who do not understand. (NT's). It's awesome that you can see the flaws in the plan immediately. I do that too. I struggle with explaining why it isn't going to work. You knew in this scenario that it wasn't going to work. You've now done at least two hours of ranting about the "fact gathering" and you have a stronger understanding of all the bad premises they based their fact gathering on. Their process is completely flawed, and is not going to provide the information they believe they are gathering. At the moment, you are one of our champion figureheads, and we love what you are doing. You are not required to solve all the problems by yourself. This is where we really need an ally who is good at structuring a proposal, an explanation, and a plan moving forward.

Not unwatchable, very entertaining, and visually hilarious (not you, ok, maybe sometimes you) but also the pictures in my head of some autism conference frenzy. Me and my inappropriate humor having a grand time together. I love your digression into the sun! First I love astrophysics (I was required to take a since class, any class, so chose astrophysics because I agree with you: it is fascinating and too few people have a clue. It also gave me a hugse belly laugh because it is quite entertaining, and I do that, and forget my train of thought, and I teach, so I was imagining the class full of bewildered faces I see when I do this I felt like the Queen of Rabbit holes, until I learned I am autistic and met my fellow people and found out I am just the jester. I've been questioned about my life of disclaimers by several people. I feel your pain! The bit about lengthy over-explanations/time constraints as both hilarious and triggering. My doing so seems to make everyone who (allegedly) loves me *so angry* and I get incessant criticism about that.: I am pedantic, lecturey because I an seen as talking down etc. But I cannot speak another way, I cannot process my thoughts if I don't do that. I have tried to explain that to the best of my ability. So then I stay quiet and I get "why are you so quiet? Are you angry at me? What is wrong with you!?" Argh. "I am these people" I wish more people had this honest attitude. Huge appreciation there! [It is not surprising you bumped your mic. You express yourself as physically as a French/Italian person. Try hovering your arrow over the scroller-bar-thing ,and slide it. It's fun to see your hands waving about-in a really good way. Were you triggering yourself with your memories? While funny, I also felt like you needed some kind of tight squeeze or whatever helps you breather, because you obviously care so very much that even the memory was overwhelming.

This is no rant. It is truth elegantly spoken to power. Well done.

Facilitating a consultation with too many people in attendance is like hearding cats

You had me laughing out loud numerous times as so funny yet also not funny. Some very relatable points! Thank you for sharing this. It’s true, more need to speak out truthfully about adult meltdowns. I really respect those who are authentic and who share an array of emotions, not just the ‘good’ ones.

Your experience is very relatable to me. I appreciate your work to make the world more friendly for others. I don't think you failed, I think you surfaced issues. I hope those issues are addressed so future attempts might be more pleasant for all involved.

I feel ya, I think that the organisers should have allocated a series of workshops to talk at length per subject. Hopefully they will do that in the future. You did your best, I really appreciate your unmasked approach to telling your experience. Greetings from Shropshire UK

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. But I just wanted to say that I think you did a good job and I am sure you have made a difference and helped people see what autism is really like.... remember that. Having people see us for whom and what we really are is very important. And I also got a few laughs.... keep up the amazing work my friend!

Never feel like you have to mask here. This is your channel and we are here because you are who you are. ❤

This is literally why I did not want to have anything to do with the strategy or any kind of advocacy and working with the government. I take my hat off to you for doing it Orion because it's a nightmare and I agree that most people then feel attacked or unheard when you try to move people on or even when it's all done and then it ends up all falling back on the administrator aka in this situations your head. Nightmare! I don’t think you failed. Its the way these things are set up. So please don't blame yourself

Aw, I’m sorry the world has taught you to think your unedited self is unwatchable. I actually find this better, or at least easier to relate to, than your other content. I feel like I better understand you and how you think. Watching this will actually help me watch and understand your edited content. Also, thank you for sharing about meltdowns. So much terrible meltdown content out there. It’s relieving to actually have a respectable resource.

I loved and appreciated the unedited video. It was raw, real, insightful and very informative. I am a neurotypical person who lives with family members on the spectrum and this all needed to be said!!

well, I can certainly see why you’re upset. With that amount of even ‘regular’ people, 15 minutes would not have been enough time for shit in the first place.

This is about the most valuable video you've ever done. Unedited, thank heavens. Whenever I am called on for a consultation on autism, which happens regularly, I will ask the organisers to watch this beforehand. Thanks again, Orion.

The system and the way they were running the meetings was wrong. Four topics with 60 people within an hour is not doable for a consultation. Two meetings to set a national strategy for autism is not a consultation, it's an insult. A national strategy is a huge project that should be done over months if not years. The first part of the process is to purely listen to people's experiences and pull that information together in order to start to identify the areas that need to included in the strategy. Even without listening to anyone they had already decided on 4 area, which are huge areas of people's lives. This was never going to work, it's not your fault and you did your best so please don't beat yourself up. 15 minutes per topic is NOT listening to people, it is insulting. The Australian Government should be ashamed, but not as ashamed as the UK one that is not even talking about neurodiversity

Please dont worry. Be your autentic self, me and so many others here at the comments feel helped and understood. I only recently realized whats going on with me...youre the Master Yoda of ASD 😂 btw i love your shirt with keys...i love different shirts too. 😅 my most memorable ones so far is one with houses and another with huge red koi fish 😂 i agree its terrible for me to be in work meetings and bombarded with questions. Its very stressful and i always spun an entire story as an answer. And when im subtly to told to shut up...the turbo & erratic speech starts.

Thank you Orion for this video. I am newly, finally trying to understand myself and your videos speaking of your own experiences and feelings about them help me learn about myself tremendously. Words cannot express how grateful I am to you for all of your videos in this time of learning. BTW, i absolutely adore your unedited videos because you sound like me when I’m unable to mask anymore and trying to explain something.

As an Autistic adult with an Astronomer Dad, this was so spot on. Thx for all you do, and your bravery sharing with us, not just providing info. It all helps, except that I don’t want you to always put everyone else first!

These are my favorite videos. I can't stop laughing when you said "stand by for a solar flare".

I hate to tell you these type of events hardly ever produce anything. Even with a group of nts and generally turn into rant sessions . Getting something actually done usually isn't the purpose making it look like someone is listening usually is.

Thank you for being your true self. It is really helping me to understand my partner, who is autistic and also a late diagnosed individual. I am doing my best to try and find insight so I can react from a place of love and understanding when he is experiencing meltdowns/shutdowns/burnouts. I truly appreciate the fact that you bravely put this out there because I see so much of him in your reaction. What you did today was incredibly brave and I definitely am going to keep watching :)

Seems like each participant needed to be given the questions in advance, and asked to prepare a 200 word answer. Then they could have spent time ranting alone, then editing down to the main point.

A cathartic song from my favorite band includes the line, "some things can't be treated, so don't make me be myself around you." It's always hit so fucking hard. Yesterday my spouse accused me of trying to protect them from the "real me." I always feel like I don't know who I am, but who I am is bad or evil, so I try to never melt down and show how big and terrifying my feelings really are... obviously that doesn't work all the time. Meltdowns are horrid. Easier said than done, but try to be gentle with yourself as you recover.

I noticed that sometimes you close your eyes when you talk. I do that too, so I can shut out visual information and focus on speech.