@@xtheshredderxx5473 I’m not sure what you’re saying exactly, but until this woman owns it, there is no redemption. I’m guessing your god knows her true intentions? Humility would serve her well, and a grip on reality.
This poor man. He corrected himself at the beginning of the call... He said, "I... I mean WE were working to pay off debt." No, your original statement was correct. YOU were working to pay off debt. She was creating MORE debt. And lying about it. He's in shock, hasn't fully processed what happened.
I have had two babies, and 50K is wayyyyy more than I spent on "baby stuff" for both of them combined. This woman has been ridiculous and Dave is right, there is NO excuse. This is simply a mentality of "I'm pregnant so I can do whatever I want."
If she felt she could do whatever she wanted then why bother hiding it. Just tell the guy you want this random stuff more than you want a good financial situation. Ironically, by hiding it, it shows 1. that she knows it's wrong 2. some tiny bit of respect for his opinion of her
Don't fall for the "I'm a PREGNANT "woman" crap....that was softens the situation to try to give her leeway....she very likely did NOT run up 50k over the last few months....."the baby" just gives her cover for whatever else ( and perhaps WHOEVER else) she was doing
@@marikiemarie7622so if a man fucks other women it’s not a that big of a deal. Spending days weeks and months pathologically lying and planning things behind somebodies back isn’t a big of a deal?! Yea sure
He found out, then the water works came out. She only apologized because she was caught. If you were not so kind she would have stopped crying and started yelling at you. Dave is right, she is a deceiver. There is a lot to work through.
Lol your not gonna change someone like that.. She knew what she was doing for months and months..she's a pos. Divorce. Shoulda never got married anyway.. Still don't understand that men in this day and age get married and have kids. You wanna live paycheck to paycheck, have zero free time, high stress levels, forced overtime, annoying wife, etc.. Then the kid and be on lock for 18+ years..
It probably wasn’t all on baby supplies, this amount probably grew through the years. When you pay the minimal payment only and the card has a 20% interest rate……..the total grows like a weed. Compounded with you keep charging things on the card.
Yeah, its not like they don't have a decent income to buy what's needed. 50k in secret is insane. Need to look at the statements to see what was charged.
My ex opted to take $4k a month in cash advances on our HELOC instead of telling me his business wasn’t bringing in money. Childish, selfish, self-serving, and narcissistic behavior. No ethics, no morals, no character. Then he walked away leaving me to take care of everything. Some people just never grow up.
I agree. I don't even buy clothes for the kids without telling my husband. I laughed at him because he told me he was going to buy another pair of sneakers, and this lady racked up 50K in debt behind his back? How can they rebuild trust after this, I don't know.
Not to me. Both are bad but sexual infidelity brings a 3rd person into the marriage in a very intimate way. I could forgive the financial infidelity if it is worked through but I would never forgive the other. But that's just me.
This woman is DANGEROUS!!! He needs to RUN and make sure that kid is his. What a disgusting thing she has done. Absolutely unacceptable. I have 3 kids and there is NO WAY she spent even half of that on a kid that isn’t even born yet. She is NUTS and so is he if he doesn’t haul a$$ from this walking red flag.
I wouldnt divorce my wife but I will make sure she pays for it ...The bills are hers so she pays for it herself...SOmeone people will divorce but I think thats a little to excessive
@@Experience1945 honestly, that type of decision making is how people look up 20yrs later with zero retirement and a lot of shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Her mentality and willingness to be deceitful is a huge deal and should not be taken lightly. It goes far beyond just money with people like her. She is a danger and should not be trusted. You don’t handle people like her with kid gloves or they will continue to run over you.
IMO this is instant divorce levels of infidelity. Racking up that much high interest debt can literally destroy an entire future for a family. Like Dave said, it’s the same as if it was cheating. Either way, that level of betrayal warrants divorce. Lesson learned: be extremely careful with who you decide to marry
True story: Scout mom with two kids under 16 married a wonderful guy. He immediately took control of their finances, including investing her $20,000.00 rainy day fund. Three months into the marriage they found out she was pregnant; a week or two after that she discovered that their finances had crashed. When she confronted him, he confessed that he was a casino gambler in debt. She told him to leave. He was an elder at his church and he made a crying confession before the congregation. He deceived her and married her under false pretenses (he may have been after an income stream to pay off his gambling debts). It messed up her relationship with her kids, and the church is piling on guilt for her to submit to her husband and take him back. It was easy for my friend and I to encourage her that considering divorce was not a bad thing (we are believers), for her it is an awful situation to be in. 😧
@@goforbroke2 I agree it is difficult. At the end of 2017 I had $55,000 in credit card debit. At that time I made a plan to pay it off and paid it off completely by early 2021. It's not easy but can be done with commitment to the process and perseverance. I definitely did not take it lightly.
He needs to get itemized copies of all her purchases and add them up to make sure they add up to $50K and then return the purchases if there is still time. Sounds like she has a shopping addiction, perhaps even a gambling addiction. Then go to counseling. Do a paternity test too.
While he was eating left overs for lunch and staying home, she was having lobster and hanging out. Unfortunately, you can't return food, cocktails and trips to the spa.
Yup. He didn't need three days before calling Dave to come to grips with financial infidelity.... he's been sweating over the possibility of carnal infidelity and whether that baby is his.
He said the baby stuff was only recent and that it was extra groceries, or so she told him that. I am sure she snuck tons of clothes in the house and has them hiding somewhere
My wife always used an excuse that her mom gave her the money. Yet she racked up a 5k credit card bill and, sorry, but I put my foot down and took charge. We argued but guess what ... we eliminated that small debt quickly. A 50k deception!!! OMG !!!
Yes I can’t give my husband a credit card. He racked up 3k in one month. He never checked the app never called the 1-800. I put my foot down and get only cash/debit. He says I treat him like a child but that’s how he acts when he gets a credit card.
@@2jcward Thats just wild to me, I’ll never understand how people can just wrack up debt like its a game. I’m sure you have explained this to him. If we have 100$ in our checking account, we cannot afford 150$ of whatever. XD Its just common sense, or it should be.
WOW! This guy needs to have a paternity test done. If the child is not his, get a divorce, let her have that $50K debt, and run for the hills. If the child is his, look into getting a good divorce attorney, and still follow the Baby Steps to protect your child's financial future from the mother.
@@georgewagner7787no... we can't jump into conclusions, she's a pathological liar. I'm sure she's done other infidelitys. This dude needs to go further down the rabbit hole.
@@georgewagner7787 But she was cruel to allow him to get that phone call from collections. In his innocence, he said there must be some mistake. A horrifying moment for him.
This happened to my buddy. His wife was spending money on Botox. They’re divorced now. She’s evil as she cheated on him too. Very sad. He now is with another woman who has 3 little kids. He’s now making another mistake and getting sucked dry. He’s a mess!!!
I wouldn’t be that sure about it. Doomed no. Very likely she got addicted to the fact that she got that “free money of use “ and have a problem of this kind. Maybe his wife is loving, kind and good woman who has a money spending problem. I wouldn’t be that critical even though the situation is bad and hard for a man to swallow.
My mom used to hide clothes, etc. from my Dad, worked up tens of thousands in credit card debt. She was handling the finances. My wife and I discuss everything. I'm an Engineer so I work the budget but communication is key. If my wife did this I would be completely shocked and devastated.
The only way this can happen to you is if you are entirely uninvolved in your household finance or your wife is an absolute lying psychopath. If you stay involved it can't really occur.
My wife is a doctor and I still work the budget lol I can't even get my wife to look at the app to see the checking account so I always have to tell her what's in it.
@andrew8168 , your argument is because a bad thing happened to someone it is completely unavoidable? Do you ever leave your house? I have a buddy who was mugged. I still go into the city. I have a sister who was hit by a car crossing the road. I still cross the road. I have a buddy who was killed by a drunk driver in a head on collision. I still drive my own car. The solution is not to be afraid to get married. The solution is to find the right person, work together as a team, and in all the other cases pay attention to what is going on.
@@zachjones2346same here. It's kind of nice to have someone completely trust you but sometimes I think to myself how easy it'll be to financially devastate her if I was evil
This was my ex-wife all while fighting to control the household finances and then argue point of filing bankruptcy. I had gotten us out of debt and we married debt-free. We built a new house with $15K left in the bank. All while she was taking out credit in my name, spoiling her family and eating out everyday while feeding me Hamburger Helper. I refused to file bankruptcy. Then pile on infidelity. She refused counseling. Then turned up pregnant not sure who the father was. I could not trust her with another 10 years of my life. I have not and do not expect to marry again. I'm done with girlfriends. Celibate 5 years and counting. I serve the Kingdom of God. Matthew 19:11
She trapped him with the baby. I can’t be the only one that sees this. I don’t like how Dave tried to get him to take responsibility for her bad spending habits. I feel for this man, counseling will not help their relationship. I hope he has a good support system, he’s going to need it.
Look up the “no bastard law” that’s what it’s called. If this child was conceived within marriage by law he will be legally responsible. Paternity doesn’t matter. 🤷♀️ If the child is conceived outside marriage you have two years to contest the paternity and if not done and your name is on the birth certificate you will be legally required to pay for that child. All in all choose your partner wisely.
@@rukiaiceprincess6369 That's not a thing in Texas. You have to sign the birth certificate and you can get a paternity test first before you sign it. Even if you did sign it, you can within a short time contents it with the court and the court may terminate the parent child relationship. IF child support was ordered at some point, you would still need to pay until the child support/parent child relationship is terminated. That's why you need to check before an order is put in place. Even if that order changes at some point in the future, you still owe the money and aren't entitled a refund.
@@rukiaiceprincess6369not really, it can be a ground for divorce No bastard laws etc are solidified if he signs paper and birth certificate, he can contest it to begin with
Consider?! It’s an absolute must IMO. He’s fucked no matter what he does, it’s damage limitation from here on. He needs to get a good attorney ASAP. He’ll end up having to pay for half of her mess no matter what, but that beats paying for all of it.
This exact thing happened to me too. Found the collections papers in the mail and confronted her. She broke down in tears and promised it would never happen again. Happened again a couple years later. Infidelity will follow too. This is not wife/partner material. Nothing good is going to come from this marriage. Let her go bro. You’ll be 10 times better off for it. Praying for you brother.
Dave handles women with baby gloves. He suggests they might need counseling??? Dude, this is instant divorce territory. God would not want one of his souls to tether themselves to a complete BEEEEEEP like this. Run, dude.
@robloxvids2233 I am a woman and I completely agree with you. There is no excuse for this and he should run. The trust is broken, as this is not $5,000....it's $50,000! (heck, even $5,000 would have been too much.) lol!
Dr John does the same thing. When it's a man acting up, he calls him a knucklehead. When it's a woman acting up, he says the husband should ask how he can love her better.
She buys baby stuff and groceries for the house while he's oblivious about everything. How is it divorce territory? He didn't say they had a budget to go by.
@@Primitive_Code He just found out, so he may not have been able to do a full audit of the purchases. If he does a full audit & a full credit report on her, there's a good chance that isn't the only secret she's hiding from him.
I was the compulsive spender in my relationship but when I learned I spend because I seek comfort it immediately opened my eyes and I have been financially wonderful once I figured out my relationship with money. Most don’t know why they spend they just hear they need to stop but people should figure out there thinking/feelings about money.
This story is honestly just so sad. Especially if the child is actually the result of sexual infidelity as well. Her degree of deception doesn't make that hard to believe.
I had this happened to me. I tried my best to make our marriage work, but when it happens multiple times, the only solution I had left was divorce. The divorce happened 10 years ago and looking back now, me filing for divorce was the best decision I ever made. Problem is, I have little trust in having another spouse.
That's not a problem.... the problem would have been if you re-wifed up right away. I'm married to my last wife. If things go south, I'll be single moving forward.
The mother of my child basically made be leery of ever wifing up, ever. Yeah i had a kid with her, its basically the only reason i put up with her but marraige? Never happen
This episode hit home for me. My wife of 19 years passed away quickly after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2002. I discovered debt that I was unaware of but worse, I discovered many items that had been purchased that I had no knowledge of. Some were things like dozens of Time Life video tape series, a complete set of china, lots of new unworn clothes, tons of costume jewelry, watches, books, and so much more. This complicated the grieving process with anger. I have mostly recovered, speaking emotionally. I donated almost everything to charity. I retired, moved from CA to TX and became totally debt free including my home which I remain today. Your point about trust is spot on, it is as bad as infidelity.
@@marrykamei733 I love how you resort to name calling rather than deal with the actual facts. My late wife was a staunch republican. She was the president of the BelAir Republican Women's Federation. My difficulty was that she concealed absurd purchases from me. If your spouse did that to you, would you call them a dem? The betrayal of trust did interfere with my grieving process. Who would not have issue with that? You are disgusting. You ignored the facts and tried to apply labels to me.
@@gbinman I read and reread what that person wrote and I think you took it the wrong way. My take- dem meant them. I don't think the op meant any harm. :) Sorry for all you had to go through with your late wife.
I had the same thing with clients in my office. They we’re refinancing to finish renovations. I couldn’t qualify them because of her debt 80k on credit cards he didn’t know about. Turned out she had a big gambling problem and was floating it on credit cards. The most awkward part was trying to explain why without flat out saying what the problem was because she wouldn’t fess up and because of privacy rules I couldn’t just say why. So the look of confusion on his face while they sat across the desk was awful. She finally admitted what the problem was and I had to step out of the office while they screamed at each other for 15 minutes. The whole bank was looking at me like. What the heck is going on over there? I did give them the mortgage but everything went towards paying off her debt instead of the renovations.
This is why that happy wife happy wife BS needs be ridden. A responsible and truthful wife should bring happiness. And he definitely needs to get a paternity test 🙅
Notice how they both refused to hold the woman accountable until they had all the facts. and instead told the man to spend MORE MONEY on a marriage counselor. If a man was financially irresponsible they would have pounced on him at the jump. They even blame him again for not knowing that she managed to spend 50k without knowing
Whats crazy about the American divorce courts is if this man decides to divorce his wife the courts will order him to pay her alimony and he will have to pay child support. The courts actually reward her for this behavior. This is why the Ramsey show gives horrible advice to men when they support marriage. There is no financial decision that will destroy a man in this day and age then getting married in America.
It happened to my buddy he's an over-the-road trucker he was common law married to his ex they have two children together, he found out she was cheating. Had to get a legal divorce from her and now he has to pay her child support. No alimony though...
She was crying because she got caught and was manipulating the guy. You can never trust this woman, ever. You forgive her, and she will see you as weak(er) and will become even worse because she knows you'll take it. Get rid of her.
The baby is most likely not his ! Definitely get a dna test . Also if she’ll do this during a marriage , just imagine how a divorce will be . This is bad ! Leave her asap!
If she knows what she is doing, the baby absolutely is his. She probably spent most that $50k on baby stuff that he never saw. Its at her bf house or in a storage unit. She will wait till after birth, then become a monster to him till he snaps, then blame him for all the relationship problems, divorce him, take him for half of everything and then she will move on while he gets to clean up the mess, including most of the debt. He will be paying child support to her no matter what (unless he gets primary custody (yeah alrighty then), and most likely alimony as well. Or, he nips it in the bud, and divorces her, still gets to pay alimony and child support but at least will keep his sanity. No matter what hes gonna get 🪛 but at least he can do it on his terms
There are 2 things I think they missed during this call: 1- She is most likely cheating sexually as well as financially with this level of betrayal. 2- They did not hammer this guy hard enough about the fact that $50,000 worth of crap entered his home without him noticing. Especially if it's food and small ticket items, he should've been confused when he was eating steak and lobster on a beans and rice budget.
@@robloxvids2233 Its true, Dr. Jordan Peterson says people always leave evidence, redflags and signs in relationships but the vast majority of people ignore them
@@robloxvids2233grow up. Victims have responsibility and things to learn too. He also clearly wasn't paying attention while on his paying off debt journey, tracking expenses, etc.
Crying when she gets caught, of course... First thing a woman does is child bavahor to invoke sympathy. But she wasn't crying when she was spending! When a thief steals 50.000 euros from you, you don't go working overtime to make up the difference. She is on the hook for the whole amount and has to work it off! The only way to fully breed the guilt into her is to make her sweat it out at 20 dollars per hour. Only that way will to get back the trust, but seeing her work through it. If she refuses she can hit the pavement.
This man going to work overtime to pay off crap that wasn't even his or enjoys any of it. 50,000$, mamamiyah! Hard pass on this marriage, I would be out the door.
I think that is called gaslighting, and while this guy is doing marriage counseling he should be 'secretly' talking to lawyers about divorce and a paternity test.
All women do not behave this way. Being an adult means being responsible for yourself and to others in your life. If she is not working she probably should be however with a baby coming and him working overtime it might be hard to find child care.
I was married for 30+ years to a man with financial infidelity. I didn’t learn the name for it until after we were divorced. The sheer terror of worrying about our finances for so many years practically destroyed me.
This comment hit home for me. A gut feeling made me open an envelope that showed him owing 12,000 on a credit card that I didn’t know existed. That was the beginning of the end of our marriage. I always worried and cried about our money problems and he acted like money grew on trees, while he worked part time. Divorce was such a blessing.
My ex emptied our bank account, used up the line of credit and maxed his credit card while I was in China, adopting our second child. He did that to avoid losing a UPS franchise he purchased. They made him bankrupt. Prior to going to China, he had manipulated me into taking loans for his franchise. I was out of $30K in debt and almost no money to survive and get us through until I went back to work, six months later. And unfortunately, the pattern kept repeating itself. I was hoping that his dream of becoming a successful businessman would materialize and that I would end up recuperating my money. Writing this is making realize that I was acting like someone addicted to gambling.
investing requires good experience and knowledge to carry out a good and successful trade, I have lost a lot trying to trade all by myself May I ask which investments are good?......
I understand your concerns, my friend. I recommend exploring passive index fund investing and expanding your knowledge in this area. Personally, I experienced both successes and challenges when initially seeking a reliable passive income..
Now see…when a man tries to take control of his house mainly with finances..they call him a financial abuser. Let’s get things straight..women are the biggest consumers that’s why all marketing is targeted towards them.
1 - get a paternity test 2- get a full credit report and find out all the cards etc, i am sure its more to it 3- prepare for divorce Dont take daves religious bs advice
@@DefiningDiane m watching a finance show , if u watch something u may or may not agree with his views M not dave or any other xtian who cant live with disagreement or imposes their bs religion on others
She lied about this, who knows what else she's lying about. I'd get a DNA test and regardless of that outcome, I'd end this marriage. Pay the support and be there for your kid, but she's a proven liar and backstabber.
Sounds like she has a shopping addiction problem because she came clean when he confronted her. She’s feeling shame. Hopefully they get therapy and she gets better.
Wow, this is troubling for their relationship. I had 8k on a credit card 💳 8 years ago. I could not sleep, and this guy said his wife charged 50k on a credit card. I would leave her for sneaky. They need counseling asap.
Caller is saying that he thinks she used the credit card for everyday items.. she spent 50k in 6mos so she used the card for the mortgage? And utilities.. Im gonna reach and say shes supporting a side life. I wouldnt blame him for not seeing 50k worth of items coming into the house if the items never came into the house.
Except Dave asked how this could be in 6 months and the guy said that it had likely been from farther back too. Still could be she's funding other shenanigans.
@@wahinepaddler4 "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop lollipop? The world may never know...." ...as in we probably will never know. They need to have a show from time to time that goes back and looks up some of these callers to see what happened.... or whether Dave's advice was followed and/or worked. THAT would be interesting as hell.
This reminds me of some years ago when this woman was calling me off & on asking "Can I speak to the lady of the household?" The last time she called she finally identified herself as being from MasterCard.
This girl was drinking fine wines, toasting, 5 star dining, eating steak and lobster, flying 1rst class, room service, and CJ at home eating fried ocra and drinking faucet water.
So she gets caught and immediately goes to last line of defense, the water works. It’s like a movie script, they all do it. This guy needs a paternity test on that baby. If she’s willing to rack up $50k in credit card debt behind his back, just imagine what else she’s willing to do. And if he wasn’t aware of the credit card, who knows what kinds of activities she was using that card for.
@@davisholman8149But, is there a difference? Does your spouse spend thousands and not tell you? Salary difference aren't an issue ... spending and hiding it is.
My ex husband texted me at work one day that he wanted to buy a motorcycle. I texted back “Ok! We can come up with a budget and see what we can do! I’d love to get you a motorcycle, but we have kids and need to think of the smartest way to do this first.” A few hours later he texted back and said he bought it and sent a pic. One of the worst knives I ever felt in my back. Our finances were so messed up and we were barely scraping by because of his selfishness… a few years later nothing got better, he was still just as disrespectful and untrustworthy but it got so much worse and in other areas, not just the finances…. This is why he is now my “ex husband”. Breaching trust through finances is pretty much the tell tale that they don’t have any respect for you in any other areas of your relationship either.
Dave, I love the way you are straight to the point and let the caller know what they are facing. Then you give advice on how to treat, heal and move forward with expectations that are down to earth and real. Your the best! Theses things your saying is what parents should be sharing with their own children on what to be aware of prior to closing a spouse. Your awesome Dave, they need to hear it. Have a blessed day!
I divorce my ex husband from cheating on me like this I work hard to clean debt and he spend in credit cards behind my back that was it he went bankruptcy and I was done
Everywhere there is a casino, there is help. Get help immediately for gambling addiction. Part of process is coming clean to spouse about depth of issues and debt.
It is incredible to me that a grown man or even a grown woman has to ask Dave Ramsey or anybody else on what to do.They trap the man by getting pregnant and now this guy is trapped and he doesnt even know why he is trapped. This is why I got rid of men in my life who do not know how to manage money.
the difference though is you can get rid of the man and not pay any penalties. If this man gets rid of his wife the courts will get him for alimony, child support and his pension.
@@jrus690 Too many men that I knew did not have my brains and discipline. Most were living in a dream world they have created where they think they are in control. Their self-worth was predicated on how much money they had and how many women they could bed. Once that was gone they were ready to pull guns on everybody or destroy themselves. So typical! All you have to do is look at the rate of family annihilators on the scene today especially in these Mormon groups who make big deals over who eats the meal first
