My father was a communal narcissist. He was a boy Scout leader, a lifeguard, a ski patrolman, a member of the elks, lion and moose clubs, etc. When I was eight years old, I must have done something he didn't like and he made me give away all of my dolls. There were quite a few more heart breaks in store for me. Now I am glad my mother divorced him when she did or I'm sure I would have suffered much more damage than I did.
I used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. It is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that cyberhackingsage helped clone my wife’s phone. I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with cyberhackingsage and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of Gavin. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. Hacker Gavin also helped me in checking if my phone number is being hacked and he secured all my numbers from unauthorized access with a very powerful encryption software. You can contact this great hacker through his email cyberhackingsage@gmail•com and You can also call and text his Cellular number on +1(571)375-8467 and i hope you thank me later for this great information.
What a despicable story about your dolls, just disgusting. The disgrace of these monsters knows no bounds. I finally told my father when I was about 45 that if he didn't such his sewer mouth I was going to knock him down and stick his arrogant yap in the mud, and I have not really communicated with him since. Meredith Miller of Inner Integration helped me immensely, as did so many others. Unlike you, my mother never found the strength to get us out of there, and this cost her dearly- her relationship with her children. I think her guilt was almost unbearable and she ultimately left this world early. Unfortunately her mother was a profound narcissist, and she was primed to repeat. Me, I was the scapegoat and I moved to the other side of the planet and am now free.
My ex was a nightmare..he was resentful...secretive and mean-spirited...I have a strong personality but believed what i was taught as a young child..you get married..you stay married...you suck it up and don't complain..he'd throw angry fits where he threw everything out of the closet and dressers and make my sons and I clean it up..if we were happy and having fun he'd ruin the mood and wasn't satisfied until we were all crying... he'd sit back and enjoy the show.. I called him an instigator..he instigated chaos..I was married to him 21 years until I decided I'd rather be destitute and homeless than spend another day with him...he attempted to take the kids from me ..put me in a psyche ward and told them to fix me..I found out I was nothing he'd led me to believe..I had a higher IQ than he did..and he wasn't stupid.. the happiest years of my life were after I divorced. I spent 10 years raising my children and had my life back..thats priceless
That sounds similar to my life with my ex-wife. I also got out. I’m glad you are doing better. I’m happier than ever. It took time, but my life is finally getting back to where I want it to be.
Married to a covert for 43 years and felt like I was losing my mind. In fact I almost did. Left 2 years ago and really working hard at healing. We have 6 children and most have his triats ,one of them is very sick and not likely to get better and my husband is hanging around ago. I coped with it for a week and couldn't take it anymore , not even for the sake of our sick son. I have blocked him and simply await the end result of my son's illness. Heart is breaking. But I cannot simply cannot go back to the madness. Thank you for the 3 tests as a couple of my children think I'm the problem because I'm only now setting boundaries . I was beginning to believe them. Brainwashing does that.
I understand 🌷💙💙💙🌷 something that I’ve found helpful when outter cirumstances prevent me from doing much, is to ask God or spirit, or whatever you want to call it , to help me be with my loved one in the dream State. 🦋🦋🦋 And/Or I will imagine myself talking to the person that I can’t see and giving them a hug while visualizing our shared loved for each other. The imagination is powerful, and so is our pure intention. 💚🌷❤️💙🌸💙❤️🌷💚
Yes, they certainly do. I had a former romantic interest who was/is narcissistic I came to see. After I had had enough, they actually tried the guilt game with me, being critical of me for not exhibiting what they definitely didn't have: compassion. I am like for real? 🤨
You are describing most of the people attached to this american dream life, disney fantasy world, social media recognition, money system, pyramidal mindset, ego-projected reality, competitive mindset, spirituality movement etc... People living in those different but also similar dream states are all victims or masters or both. They are all separated, suffering, fighting, willing to win or loose. There is always something, somewhere, sometime, an insatisfaction, a feeling of being not "full" and it excuses all fucked up behaviours that are never seen as fucked up. It can even be, being a victime that pretend to suffer the entire life of the person, just to prove that he/she was right to be that way because that, because this. It is crazy and I am certain that psychologist and people in general are just scratching the surface of a deeper understanding of what is going on. You can spend as much time, energy and effort as you can to explain anything to them, they won't and can't hear you. They can only vaguely hear you from and through their own world where you are speaking but with a specific role and appearance determined entirely by their rules and the stories they hear in their head. Its a total reproduction of the reality, a very pale copy filled with fear, expectations and conditions where someone must survive. but who?? you can infinitly ask: who is speaking, but they don't know who is speaking. but they will do everything they can to make this fake person in this fantasy world survive because what? nobody knows. but for sure, you are not a friend if they can't use you, manipulate you, make them feel better, greater than you sometimes in very unexpected, weird and subtil way. We could say that they look for energy, love but won't turn that into love or energy but they will waste it into fuel for their own fake creation. If you let them alone, cut from any source of people energy, they dry out and eventually their worlds collapse. So if I can give an advice, don't give them any fuel, it won't help anyone. No escape for the dreamer until he realises it was a dream.
This was very educational. I honestly didn’t know there were so many different types of narcissism. Just like any other mental health disorder, it seems like it can present in so many different ways.
If you do a video on BPD, what about one for families/friends helping them understand and cope? For example, you can’t “fix”, but you can support. Or, not taking emotional reactions personally. There are so many things I wish my family could understand. It might also help for NPD. There are not a lot of resources or support for friends and family, and they often don’t know how to support people who struggle with these mental illnesses.
I think it's more like 25% of the population is narcissistic and/or at least very strong narcissistic traits. If it walks like a Duck and It quacks like a Duck i don't need a diagnosis to tell me it's a DUCK!
Oh yes, at _least_ 25%. The official stats are useless since most cluster Bs never even acknowledge that they have a problem, much less seek treatment and be 'counted'.
I really enjoy learning about NPD I have a friend who has a family member who definitely has NPD, and I sent her your video’s, so she could learn more about it. it’s very sad because they do guilt family and friends to a breaking point.
When I was around 5 (1957) , in the summer an icecream truck would go by our house and our mom would give us I think 7 cents to buy a popsicle. I would look at the menu and see a little cup of ice cream. I decided I would not get the popsicles, save the money and get the ice cream cup. I had a lot of discipline from having to deal with asthma. I didn't get any meds so at night when I had an asthma attack, I would have to take the smallest possible breath I could to not hit the wall. It amazes me that I had no one to tell I could not breath. Each tiny breath would calm me, but you had to fight the urge to take more air for fear of panicking. That gave me discipline. That's why it was not hard for me to save the money for the ice cream instead of several popsicles. I was one of 5 children. I knew when I bought the icecream I could not show it to the others. They saw it and told my mother I STOLE the money. She supported them and I was branded a THIEF. When I was 13 and took money from my mother piggy bank. As I was fishing the coins out, I was thinking, "Well", everyone thinks I'm a thief, I might as well do it. Listen to the Doc. You have been abused and you feel so guilty. Let go and start the healing. Good Luck.
tried to call my girl allnight, finally got outta bed , drove by a bar near her house and saw her in there. i drove home she finally called me back late night and said she was sorry she was home cleaning and her phone didnt work. . i told her shes lying and she freaked out and started screaming. and stuck to her lie. even got mad at me for checking out a diffrent girl since it was'nt her. after two days of arguing and sleepless nights ( for me ) she admited she lied she said because i was too controlling and she was scared to tell me. i think she has this problem plus a drinking problem. this is just one example of what ive been going thru for two years . she dumps me , disappears and then crys and says ive abandoned her. meanwhile when she gets drunk she can say and do hurtfull things . so many times shes kicked me out of her apt. only to tell me to turn around and come back. i cant take the stress : (
I feel you. I dont have the full story ofc but the fact you are here looking into these vids says a lot. It’s tough for us men too, not only women. But it’s almost always assumed men are the abusers in relationships. I was told many times I’m abusive, controlling, manipulative etc and I started to believe it, but facts are that as we set boundaries we never even thought we had to mention and yet seeing them violated, it fits their narrative perfect to call us these things. So that they can portray themselves as victims… so much crap I’ve had to witness followed up by self entitlement and non genuine apologies yet I’m the bad person for complaining. I totally lost myself and she has brought out the worst in me. She just accused me for breaking up with her although I literally didn’t and I also told her I didn’t. It’s bizarre. Sorry for monologue. Just wanted to let you know, who ever you are, you are not alone.
I know exactly what you are talking about. Thank god it was just a share house, I couldn't imagine have to be intimate with it after it treats you like a piece of shit and then denies it in the morning. FFS. Mental as F and dangerous to your well being.
Everybody has seeds of these traits within theirselves the most important thing is not to nurture them and not let them control of you, everybody has ego even the person that looks harmless and sweet, ego is like a dog with a leash in your hand if it get stronger it drags you, it can enslave you, you won’t even realize that you are living just for your ego(your dog).
I have lived all my life with two narcissistic sisters, one of them is an overt and the other is a covert, and each one was and still the enabler for the other. It took me many years to study their personalities to discover that they were mentally sick. They made me sick, but thanks to God, books saved me
My wife and I are separated and headed towards divorce. This is heavily due to an affair with a man that I know very well. He is a textbook narcissist. I've copied down more than 20 characteristics you've talked about that I can point to direct and specific examples of. She has seen these behaviors of his and know about them and that they are not healthy, but thinks that she will be happy with him long term. We share a son. This man has made it clear to me that he will do whatever he can to take my son from me, but then goes and tells my wife that I'm doing exactly what he is fact doing. I am not trying to "win my wife back" I have moved on from our marriage and know what I need for my own mental health, but I need to be able to really show her the truth about him before I no longer have the same amount of sway with her, so that I don't lose my son or have to take drastic action to prevent that from happening. Her and I actually have a pretty close and healthy friendship still, how do I show her the truth about him before it's too late?
My dads and sister use guilt. The crazy thing is that I've given them everything. My dad abducted my sister and left me with a child molestor. They say I should forgive because his new wife wants to meet me (I must lie and make a good impression). Had I known his actions were illegal I would have spoken up as a child. I was so scared though.
I have a grandiose narc in my circle, at a high end shop she felt mistreated by a clerk, and she told me, how dare her!? Didn’t she see the car I was driving!? (LOL) This narc loves to ghost, or ignore me for weeks to months, demand an apology,then come back for a few months, then disappear in anger again. The realization I’ve had is the question, why did I take the abuse behaviors for years?
Janet- Oh Yes! Mine did this in all manner ways with me having 3 siblings: we were perfect fodder for triangulation. When that trick was backed by saying We should just correspond by email. I did so; and then she gaslit me saying she'd not received them!! I then tried my email on her PC & showed her my email does work. So evil. I used to feel I needed to stand up to all her ghosting & gaslight narrative Until now: I've finally walked away at 61!! Now my younger sis is now one too; it's just too much to ever be in touch.
25 years around diagnosed person. It was really hard still have trauma and ruminate. Never going back not because I do not want to. I finnaly beleive it only gets worst. I know it never got better.
I don't understand how neglect and not helping me become independent is helping? It's not..... learning to drive with my uncle or dad or cousin would just be easier because I didn't ruin their life.
My father was quite like this - the communal narc - and he was an enneagram type 2(w3.) If you don't know the enneagram - a 9 personalities model - you might want to have a brief look into it, because types 2-3 seems to be right in the ballpark of narcissistic traits. In other words every narcissist seems to be these types, but not everyone of these types is a narcissist. What I believe happens could best be understood as Buddhistic attachment. When people are attached to their own minds and personal struggles they exhibit malignant traits. Using the enneagram for reference again, type 2 becomes communal narcs, 3s turn overt narcs/sociopathic, 4s tend towards su|icide or genocide, 5s may become schizophrenic etc. Ultimately I don't believe in narcissism, the diagnosis is imagined, but it serves as defining the manifestation of a lack of self-distance to the narcs inner mechanisms. 2s give to get, they serve others to get admiration in return in place of love. They will double down on their image as helpers to their ruin, because admitting to it is the end of their bargaining chips, power and self-worth. In enneagram language it would be called _pride,_ which of course have been borrowed from the deadly sins of the bible. I don't know how much of my fathers behavior was inborn or due to alcohol, in hindsight you question everything, but at least it feels good to have found the label _communal_ narcissicm to explain it, years later. Thank you for that.
My dad does that while not caring about the feelings of those around him. Just recently a conversation we had, only made him look like an asshole. Always doing the 'but what about me speech' . Try to keep my distance, so does my brother so we don't do the same.
My wife is an expert on using guilt to control me and I'm sure she gave a strong dose to the kids over the years. I always thought it was due to the catholic upbringing. During the last several years I've been trying to figure out what the term is for what she does to me. You highlighted one variety as the narcissist with martyr description. She has been like that for a very long time. (we've been married for 42 years). She has volunteered for organizations and people for a long time too. She insists on giving blood every chance she can. Other things she does to me is frequent criticism and correction. She also questions any money i spend while she buys things constantly for her family and friends. She is also an expert at coming up with excuses to any sort of behavior i point out to her. When around other people who are total strangers she steps in to help them do whatever.
All Narcissists are covert at the beginning of relationships. They all present themselves as your ideal leader/companion/partner. The 'Overt' part comes mostly a few months (or even years) later. The overt narcissists has usealy not the capability to keep (a nice) face for several weeks/months until his/her mask starts to fall. The covert narcissists though can keep their mask up for years if the victim keeps fulfilling their basic needs. All Narcissists are basically covert narcissists. The ones that become overt are the ones who succeed in this materialistic, indivualistic society we live in. The Trump's, Musk's and Kardasians in this world. The covert ones are still only dreaming of this in silence but it stays their fantasy always.
This was very informative, I did take the quasi test ,I don't think I am, but I may have been in the past,isnt social media like FB a playground for narcissim and ego,?
I am not sure. But i do not want to be a hero. Being kind and doing good , OCCASIONALLY, when easy and comfortable okay. I like to give and do if i feel like it. But i do not like to do so if i HAVE to. People being like: "the ideal type of human being should be like that" and at some point, they might be right. Respect and all the luck and happiness to devoting people. I wish them well. But i do not want to be a devoting important task hero superperson everyone admires. I am nothing like that. I might be an avoiding naricist, but i dont feel being incredible and greatness. For example i try to avoid struggle and fight. I'd save myself than fighting a war that cannot be won or a problem that is not solvable. I hunger being valued by others. But i would not agree upon popular opinion just to be liked. It is easy to put myself into others shoes (at least i think so, most ppl think they know, who knows who is wrong?😂😂) But i still refuse to live and absorb to pain of the world. I do not chase the good things but do not want the bad as well. Do not get me wrong i wish all well. But i feel live is an eternal fight for pain. I think not creating such is another form of not destroying the possibility of happiness. I will never understand how people actually believe they are good human beings because they advertise themselves and associated themselves with holy ideals while creating pain on purpose and feeling perfectly fine about that and even get upset when being hurt themselves. Until recently i spent way too much time with fake people that i did not notice i had become what i despised. I had never thought i could be so incredibly wrong and stupid concerning several "special" people in my life. But back to the point: do you really think you are better that me because i embody something you hate and are so much better with all you lieing, hateful comments etc. While you could use that time spreading good and love and care so much you would not know i had existed at all. I for exaple do not watch TV-news boulevard and am always surprised when people be like" didint you know, this famous individual has done this and that etc" and i am like "who?" 😂😂😂😂💯💯💯 I guess the very same people who party reading news paper or blogs when proms split up or rich ppl get bankrupt are those who follow me, are you? GOTCHA 😂😂😂🗑️🗑️🗑️
I'm trying to figure out if my wife is a narcissist, just as an example my last interaction with her about 20 minutes ago our apartment kitchen sink was leaking while the sink was on. I am a gas utility worker and i took one plumbing class. I enjoyed it and learned some great information. I am not a plumber. I could see the leak but i don't own the tools to fix the issue. My wife told me that i don't have the tools to fix the issue. She told me that i don't know how to do my job in front of our son. I accused her of emasculating me, she scoffed at me. Looking back i can see the love bombing stage. I've just never asked someone elses opinion. I know tomorrow will be her relentlessly confronting me about tonight and how I'm rude and emotionally abusive. I raised my voice because i was angry that she emasculated by saying I don't know how to do my own job; which isn't plumbing. I feel so lost.
Re: Overt vs covert; Grandiose vs vulnerable Where did the vulnerable narcissists come from? 20 years ago this phenomenon was unheard of. (at least by me) They are everywhere now. They even have their own religion of "wokism" to give moral justification to their predation. Jonathan Haidt says that it STARTED in the ivy league schools. (interesting) The ESG policies of the "World Economic Forum / BlackRock / Vanguard" have compelled nearly all of our institutions to bend the knee to this new "religion" of the vulnerable narcissist. The hypothesis of Richard Grannon seems to accurately describe what I have observed directly and gathered indirectly from the observations of others. Namely, that the covert/vulnerable narcissist is just a regular narcissist who is trapped in the cycle of "elation & depletion" because they cannot get what they want. search "2022-07-21: RU-vid: Richard Grannon: How to DETECT a covert narcissist" But, although this hypothesis seems to "fit", it also gives rise to other questions like .... 1: WHY are they trapped in the cycle of "elation & depletion" unable to meet their needs? 2: Where did all of these covert/vulnerable narcissists come from in the last few decades? "Wokism" is EVERYWHERE now. 20 years ago it was unheard of. 20 years ago, many of us were only aware of the "grandiose narcissists" and there weren't that many of them. What changed? Hypothesis: What happens to our "confidence" that our needs can be met when the environment changes to prevent us from meeting our needs? How is the drop in confidence manifested in our behavior? As vulnerability? What might have changed in the environment to give rise to this? What happens to an ecosystem where the predators are outbreeding the prey? How might a predator's behavior change when he/she suddenly finds themself in an environment of scarcity with fewer prey and more competition from other predators? This is one possible explanation for the "emergence" of the somewhat new phenomenon of the cycle of "elation & depletion" which we label as "vulnerable narcissism". The hypothesis, unfortunately, "fits" with the hypothesis of history which resolves the Steven Pinker "Better Angels of our Nature" paradox: What is this paradox? In the long term, over hundreds & thousands of years, humanity is clearly becoming more peaceful & civilized BUT since World War 2, we have only observed movement in the opposite direction: moral decline, polarization and destabilization creating the conditions for war. How to explain this paradox? Answer: War serves the function of destroying the narcissists and laying a stronger foundation for civilization by erecting stronger constraints against their return. For example: Notice how both World War 1 & World War 2 led to the replacement of top-down rule with an expansion of democracy. Unfortunately, war in a world filled with nuclear & biological weapons is probably not a good idea. We should probably give some thought to an alternative way to get ourselves out of this pickle. Although the subject is deeply uncomfortable, I would humbly suggest that an exploration of 1: the genetic origins of narcissism & 2: why female sexual selection favors the narcissist is a better alternative to the self destruction of the human race in World War 3.
Whilst I enjoy your videos, one of the big problems with psychiatry/psychology (which is clear in this video), is the extremely disturbed outlook of psychiatry as a whole in its determination to essentially classify EVERY SINGLE individual as some sort of problem. This, in effect, is a strive towards some sort of control and power of the psychologist him/herself surely? You only have to read comments on all such videos on RU-vid, and articles online to apparently realise that 99% of the world has some sort of problem according to psychology. Isn't this a horrible situation in which we have found ourselves? The psychiatrist aims to put everyone in boxes, analyse everyone.. and anyone who is slightly 'different' has now been BRANDED?? Just read the comments below here to see how many people have now identified 'narcissists' and 'psychopaths' in their lives.. or read your BPD comments.. now EVERYONE has BPD.. Whilst I think your videos are very helpful and good, I believe psychiatry as a whole is extremely messed up!
I might be a narcissist at work. Pointing out errors and demanding excellence is compulsory. I refuse to have slackers represent my business section, thus represent my leadership. They get ejected. It is surprising how many college graduates have no idea how to perform tasks on which they've been fully trained. I praise good performance send send positive feedback to their leadership. 1) Yes, at work I'm brilliant due to aspergers and brain damage events. I fail at social situations 2) Yes, I have Aspergers. Only feel emotions in a general way, not in a specific way. I can cry watching a move. WIll not care if someone I know gets hit by a bus. 3) No. I do not seek approval. Incredible sense of independence. Don;t be critical of me though. I will attack. I tell some people "I'm always right." Typically, they agree. What they don't realize is I'm not saying I know everything. But after I draw a conclusion, I state it. It is rarely incorrect. I sometimes get it people wrong, but am a pretty good at analyzing people. I only use that gift to point out positive aspects of others. People I know ask other who recently met me, "Has Fights with Spirits analyzed you yet?" Because I see things others don't. It blows people away. I've had a virus in mt brain. Bacteria in my brain. I've observed how my brain works and stores information. My mind left my "brain" and went into an indescribable infinity of nothingness abyss. When my mind returned it was earth shattering gratitude I felt. Fell to my knees and wept. Then I went into a 1 week coma. Woke up. Unplugged myself and left the hospital. I learned my brain lets me think of things as real, but it's really just presenting information I can process. For example, I dream before I fall asleep. I can control my dreams. None of that is real. My mind let's me believe it thougah. I'm a passenger in a brain car called me.
The funniest thing is it’s always the narcissists who go around saying “I’m an empath” every five seconds only to victimize an actual empath who never said that phrase a day in their life.
