Navigating Sexual Past in Dating with Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin | Episode 154, Heart of Dating Podcast

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Join Kait and her Fiance, JJ Tomlin, for this episode as they discuss their differences in sexual pasts and how they navigated this in their relationship;
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Intro
10:24 - PRAYER
13:50 - Sexual past vs. Virginity (perception and judgments)
16:45 - Kait’s sexual past effects on her dating life
20:40 - Putting virginity on a pedestal
21:29 - Take on virginity v. sexual past (from a virgin’s POV)
26:58 - How did Kait’s sexual past affect their relationship
30:40 - A message for people with sexual past
35:44 - Midroll
38:15 - What matters most?
42:14 - How to respond to someone who shares their sexual past
48:39 - Reacting v. Responding
51:48 - When to share sexual past
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Опубликовано:

11 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 31

@adrianaa.deluca6559 2 года назад

Such a helpful episode, as always. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I can really relate to many of the things you've shared.

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

glad you enjoyed!!

@emmachrisavramiea7934 Год назад

I really appreciate this podcast, but it seems to be addressed mainly to people who have had a sexual past and help them understand the value of redemption/grace, which is wonderful. I know this is not the intention here, but for people without an overt sexual past (in the sense of intercourse), it mostly feels like calling a fomo for an experience that, although the Bible seems to refer to as sin, is not the big fuss we make about it. Almost seems like if one person has sinned in this sense, they are a much deeper person than one that has not. I think depth comes from the thoughts one person confronts themselves with, which can come also from the struggle of not fitting in a certain mold, from trying to understand how to match principles and social practices. I personally think that it needs to be clear what the Bible says about sexuality, and I appreciate that you don't stop at calling sexual sin the physical act of sex with another person. The Bible does, however, make a difference, in 1 Corinthians 6:18 ('All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body'). In multiple stances sexual sin is referred to. So sexual sin does seem different on a certain level than other sins, not unforgiveable, but different. To conclude, calling something a sin is not at all a reason why someone should feel they are empowered to judge, not at all. But I think calling something a sin personally, does help us humble ourselves in front of God's plan for human beings upon creation, His redemption and our need for Him. So why not? It's fine, it's a sin! It's outside of what God intended for us. And It's totally within God's grace!

@jenniferhooker2664 2 года назад

By far my favorite and the most impactful episode!!!! 🥰

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

wow!! glad you enjoyed!! what stuck out the most for you?!

@strongman469 2 года назад

Great episode on showing Grace to others! Thank you & Praise God! 🙏🏼

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

glad you enjoyed bro!!

@hannahchaney3630 10 месяцев назад

This was so beautiful 💖💖

@lauraoropeza8977 2 года назад

Thank you for this 🙌

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

thank you!! glad you enjoyed!!

@mayahelena4 Год назад

Ty for all your openness + candidness!!! Such talks are so important so others can release the stigma of not being completely without a sexual past b4 marriage!!!! Especially in the Christian community …. Much appreciate xx

@audranishathomas1944 2 года назад

I’ve came to watch y’all from y’all podcast! Love listening to y’all both and y’all give great advice!!! It’s like y’all my therapy lol

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

awesome to hear!! this is fun to watch isnt? :) thank you!!

@ramarthompson2742 7 месяцев назад

Thank you, the Lord was one time with this as I could relate a lot and needed to do some self reflecting and get this insight for what God is preparing me for

@sarapinkandpurple 2 года назад

This was great! It has never been dealbreaker for me to be with someone who is a virgin. Although it is a deal breaker for them to want to wait until marriage and have that same value. But it still gave me a lot to think about specially if the person I meet has crossed boundaries they regret crossing. I definitely lean toward JJ in this when I’ve also lusted and sin in other ways.

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

great perspective sara!!

@LarryHendricks77 7 месяцев назад

I totally agree and why we shouldn't hold there last against them. I believe in all of that but it still hurts my heart and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

@ShortsforSleep Год назад

Hi! I just have a question, how can i help to made subtitles for another language? Thabks for your ministry!!!

@dianne-marriecharlie9490 2 года назад

Loving this episode! Talking about sexual past and deciding that it's not important whether one had a sexual past or not... But I do have a question, How can I hide a situation where like for instance I have a child and I'm not married. Am I supposed to not disclose that as well?

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

great question!! i think =the idea of "hiding" sounds misleading, i would encourage you to own that part of your story and present it up front as part of your life. the details and story behind it can wait :)

@stuffwoman627 2 года назад

What about people who have had sex In their past and are not open to marrying virgins. I know Christian who are not comfortable marrying virgins because they prefer someone with experience.

@positivity37 2 года назад

I’ve heard of this too

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

interesting.. i have not heard this perspective from a Christian before.. sounds like a lot of things are off on their alignment and i would definitely say that it is an orange/red flag to question and pushback on!

@klopcodez Год назад

That’s okay they never wanted you in the first place it’s very rare

@joshkaye5303 4 месяца назад

Not sure it's absolutely necessary to reveal or pry into someone's sexual past. Sure, knowing whether they are a virgin is something worth knowing, yet moving on without details can help process things all the better. The past is the past, so leave it there. But hey I can also admire your full transparency for the sake of educating people and that no-one is really 'pure' without Christ.

@gvsmitty19 2 года назад

Great intentions here but a real lack of Biblical substance. JJ and Kait are coming from a place of not wanting to be legalistic and yet most of the podcast is "do this, don't do this" without any real Biblical justification. Just like anything in dating, we need to ask: Does what we're talking about or what we're doing glorify God? With this in mind, when getting to know someone, can talking about God's forgiveness and how He has protected and purified our sexual stances over time glorify God? Absolutely! Producing arbitrary timelines about when to talk and when not to talk about sex may actually do more harm than good and reminds me of the purity culture we are desperately trying to avoid. It also elevates sexual sin above everything else. For Biblical reference, Jesus and Paul and many of the prophets had zero problem talking about some pretty heavy things early on in talking to new people. But they did so in a way that was loving and always pointed to God.

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

hello my brother - thank you for the feedback and the kind way you delivered it! everything we do here at Heart of Dating is to serve and glorify God - it is our north compass and top priority! dating is a rather new construct of the past century, but the Bible does give us bumpers and guidelines to navigate and that is what we personally love to unpack!! your logic is sound, however, the points and guidelines in the video are given for protection and wisdom. because of the nature of dating, we often times date a person that we do not fully know, and opening up your heart and soul to another in a deeper, romantic sense also opens great risk to abuse and manipulation. this what we have seen and heard time and time again. furthermore, from a biblical perspective, the foundation for this whole video and what we build our points are entirely based off John 8 - how can we, as sinners, even begin to think about condemning others when Jesus himself had every right to condemn a sinner caught red-handed and instead gifted forgiveness and grace? what an amazing, challenging example for us to follow! we too find it sad that the issue of sexual sin is elevated above all! the harsh truth is that much like the Pharisees, it is based in the self-righteousness of ourselves (see 15:30 in the video, which is also based off Matt 5:27). i hope this helps and challenges you as it has challenged and shaped us!

@maximusdecimusmeridious3784 4 месяца назад

That’s an odd concept to understand. I feel it’s not fair to make the guy wait when the woman never waited. That’s the issue with a lot of Christian dating

@556Jonathan 4 месяца назад

This woman is in complete denial about how her sexual history absolutely impacts her current present. At least he can see how his porn usage impacts his current life and view of women, but why can't she too see how her having free sex did and does impact her. That is a scar she will live with for the rest of her life, in her brain chemistry/wiring. Thats why alcoholic recovery doesn't say the addiction is over, just in relapse, something always to fight against. Going on and telling people there are no consequences for their past sexual history is, outright, stupid. Not even secular people would agree

@leonardowrobleski2784 4 месяца назад

This reeks of "it doesn't matter what you do, everything will be alright!" And a tad of "and if you think otherwise, you're wrong!" Not biblical in the least. All opinions, zero texts. Want to follow Jesus as a model? Do as he did and cite texts! (Mathew 4:4,10) Otherwise you're just as unbased as everyone else posting their opinion on this issue, including the red pills.