Master Your Physical Boundaries: Secrets to Set and Keep | Episode 155, Heart of Dating Podcast

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Kait & JJ talk all about why to have physical boundaries in a dating relationship and how to set them in a healthy way!
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Intro
07:00 - Physical Boundaries talk
08:21 - Why behind the boundaries
10:07 - The “shoulding” talk
11:27 - The best root of boundaries
12: 25 - Acting out of fear
13:35 - First step to form your boundaries Know yourself
19:38 - Second step Be honest early on with the other person
24:04 - MIDROLL
27: 38 - Third step Get on the same page
30:40 - Barometer of respect
31:45 - Fourth step Being accountable
36:11 - Conviction
40:01 - Closing Remarks
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Опубликовано:

2 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 20

@cruzwithrachel 2 года назад

Sooo good 👏 When I first started dating I told my ex up front that I wanted to save kissing until marriage. That wasn’t a boundary that he had for himself or was used to. But he respected that boundary because he knew in advance that if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me, that was not something I was willing to compromise on. I knew if we were making out that we wouldn’t focus on getting to know each other truly spiritually and emotionally. Eventually he ended up adopting that boundary for himself and saw the value in saving that. When I got weak, he would remind me that this was the boundary we had in place. So for those Christians who do want to save kissing until marriage, there are guys who are willing to wait. It’s just so easy to progress sexually when you start making out, etc. Even though it didn’t work out between us, I’m so grateful I kept that boundary because I know it would have been a lot harder if we opened up that physical door.

@littleandjen 2 года назад

Wow that’s so good about how someone respects your boundaries is how they respect you, definitely experienced this in this past where someone said yeah ok I think they same but continuously tried to get me to the next page.

@nicolecress 2 года назад

This is so so good!!! Love the practicality, the hearts for holiness, nuanced with wisdom and grace. “Be clear not cool” I love that and will remember it from now on. For anyone reading this comment who struggles with this, it really is true!I have found when you date someone solid who really understands the value of conviction and wants to honor God and you, being clear IS cool! A guy I dated last year was super appreciative of me sharing my boundaries via text before we even met for coffee and I appreciated him telling me he agreed and would honor them. This episode was so helpful especially the accountability tips. And I love you two together. Kait, I am so happy for you!! Prayers answered, love seeing you in love and with such a solid man of God! God is so sweet!!!

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

yes!! we are all about taking the cool jacket :) that is so wonderful and yes, a great man will respect your boundaries as much as they respect you and God!!

@katrinachlebek374 2 года назад

Really great and encouraging conversation! I have an accountability mentor who I trust and confess to (a married woman older than myself, non-condemning just loving and prayerful!)

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

wonderful! great work katrina!!

@krista700 9 месяцев назад

Love the mean girls reference 😂😂

@sarapinkandpurple 2 года назад

It’s a great point to think about my why when waiting until marriage but also my why in boundaries and is it from a place of fear or are they true convictions. I also agree with having strong accountability where you would be afraid to tell the person. One thing I heard on Stephanie May Wilson’s podcast is asking the question how can I honor God and the other person and that has been helpful for me to think about my boundaries. I also think it’s not always about the physical boundaries but situations that can be more tempting which is different for everyone. I know you don’t want to tell your listeners what to do and there are many boundaries that are grey but I would love to hear your thoughts on if you think things such as anal sex, oral sex, and hand jobs fall under the umbrella of sex. I always thought they did when I took a health class in college (secular college) but it’s interesting not all Christian’s think so. Also would love a more in depth episode on emotional and spiritual boundaries as I feel that’s not talked a lot. I know you touched on it briefly in other episodes.

@katherinegreen4712 2 года назад

I appreciate you guys doing this! I like that you’re not saying “ do this is so that”! I love that JJ is one with you! This is a great testimony. ❤️

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

thank you!! we hope it has encouraged you!!

@TGMeli 2 года назад

You guys are so cute. It would be nice if we could hear you both finish your sentences. Kait take a deep breath before jumping in sometimes? This is super helpful. God bless you both!! :)

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

haha - hopefully we have gotten better at this! we just get so amped up :)

@breevasey 2 года назад

Do you find it harder to keep physical boundaries now that you're engaged? I've found the transition really difficult. In dating, it was easier for me to keep boundaries because I didn't want to open myself up to that emotional pain if the relationship didn't work out. But now being engaged, it's the mental "this is my person, we're going to spend our lives together" that has made keeping boundaries much more difficult. I know engagement doesn't mean married, so of course boundaries shouldn't change, but I find myself being less concerned about keeping them. Just curious what your thoughts are on this and how you've navigated the transition :)

@sarapinkandpurple 2 года назад

That’s such a great question. I would love more insight on that. It’s interesting to hear that it wasn’t as hard to keep boundaries in dating compared to engagement since you are almost married but not yet. I know for me, it probably would be easier for me to think, well we are almost married and to cross some boundaries. I pray for wisdom and discernment in your season of engagement.

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

Great question!! To be honest, I feel like it has been easier because we are SO close! It’s like running a marathon, the easiest miles are the first and the last one since the finish line is in sight! I pray and encourage you to the same hope. You two are SO close, you GOT THIS!!

@breevasey 2 года назад

@@jjtomlin great point! Really appreciate that perspective!

@jjtomlin 2 года назад

Also - I had a great thought about this today for you specifically. I think this comes back to your why! If your why and abstinence was built on the foundation of I abstain because it does in fact lead to emotional pain (true) then once you are locked into an engagement with “the one” then your why doesn’t hold as much. This is the one you are going to be with eventually, so a slip up doesn’t mean as much because there will indeed be little emotional blowback. Even though your why originally might have served well, it now faces a new challenge. Personally, I think this where having scripture to ground and build our why is so awesome. That Why for us looked like “well, God designed the great gift of sex in covenant to glorify him, so that is a covenant we look forward to and eagerly await and will abstain from till marriage”. What is beauitful about that truth is that regardless of who is on the other side of my boundary (eg girlfriend of one month or fiancé) , my Why is GROUNDED. Hope that helps!

@katherinegreen4712 2 года назад

A big sweater so you can’t see 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣