Thank you for all the nice comments everyone. It really really is so awesome to me that so many are saying they could relate to me, or that I put to words something you may deal with but never could convey. Hope this helps people as much as it helped me.
Your stream was important man. I think the skills you learnt on this stream are crucial skills that everybody should cultivate. Thank you for starting this convo!
I can't thank you and Dr. K enough. Seeing you talking about the same shit that I go through really gave me courage to seek professional help. Love the streams and the community of both :)
I am only 6 minutes in but he seems very strong! How can you subject yourself to going on dates if you know you will literally throw up from the stress?? That is some astounding willpower!
I like how Alok always introduces himself as "Alok or Dr. K" despite the fact that literally nobody has referred to him as Alok, and everyone calls him Dr. K on stream.
I can see pain and doubt in his eyes when he talks, a pain that lots of others along with myself are familiar with. I hope things get better buddy, keep pushing. :)
Don’t really know if the RU-vid comments the the place to say this but I just signed up for my first therapy session. I don’t think I really understood how therapy could be beneficial to me until I started watch these streams so I just wanna say my thanks. Here’s to hoping it goes well
Arez Pirveceani sure thing, so far I have only gone to one one-hour session but so far so good. It felt mostly like an I’m introducing myself in a way, trying to explain why I felt the need to go to therapy. Beyond that, I don’t really want to get too into my stuff so I’ll just say we talked about family stuff and steps I should take to gain the proper distance I need while still showing my love and appreciation. I’m looking forward to hopefully sort out more of the stuff I’ve just kinda been ignoring up until now
Going through my issues, I was convinced I was the only person that went through this kind of behavior. I was convinced that nobody would understand the idea of "self" and "thoughts" being two separate entities. Watching this gave me a lot of insight, and in a weird way, a wave of acceptance. This interview felt as if you were interviewing me. I'm very thankful of your channel. It has helped me grow an incredible amount. And I am very thankful for Connor giving a slice of his perspective for people to tap into. You are making a difference.
It’s an experience to be had and not an idea on top of an idea. Makes sense? And how do you get that experience? You go to it in meditation. That takes time. Psychedelics can get you there but you’ll forget it right after. And it comes with some dangers esp if you have underlying conditions
@@treasurechest2951 I now rediscovered that idea in a book called "The Power Of Now" and It's not really an idea that you have to experience, rather you change your way of thinking by looking at your thoughts at a certain perspective and gaining power through that (meditation can help improve this) than believe whatever comes to mind, and it definitely does take time in order to change your thought process
as someone who has ocd its actually something that is very easy to rationalize for me. like its hard to explain but when every im in deep in a "cycle" like they said on the podcast, what my mind tells me is true is either not true or built on a immense exaggeration of something that happened, but I can't stop my mind from telling me that. but I still can act, and I still have my all senses, so it feels like my thoughts are a separate entity. and like since like they said its feels like war between you (the desire to prove the thoughts false) and the intrusive thoughts, you still have like half of your mental space that you can control, but since you have this great desire to prove the thoughts false you end up trying to rationalize why they are totally and completely false, which means you can only really think for yourself if you are able to control that desire.
Reminded me of the popular self improvement adage I often see online, "be the best version of yourself." But I've seen myself and so many others beat themselves up for falling short of what they think the best version of themselves should be.
Have low standards. That's all it takes to not be sad lmao. Work efficiently don't be surprised when you fail for being lazy. Something else out if your control is the problem then its not your fault stop worrying about it
I've had a huge realization that I might suffer what he suffers. I am extremely clingy when it comes to relationships, or even the beginning stages of it. Like every girl I talk to that shows a little interest back to me I instantly get attached to, and the moment they stop texting it ruins my fucking day/week. Its sooooo fucking exhausting and I know its stupid but I cant solve it. I cant believe this...
This interview is actually so helpful oh my God. All the other interviews have been good and I heard people call them relatable. I finally see what they mean I relate so much with him
I’m 2 years late, but this interview was so beneficial! Especially the intrusive thought mapping to recognize the self-fulfilling prophecy! I would love Connor to come on again for an update on his mental health journey 😄
Yeah I was about to switch to some other video right before that part, but when Dr K started drawing out the cycle I realized how much it describes my eating disorder and body dysmorphia and explains why they only get worse with time, even though I'm at my skinniest
This resonated with me supremely. And an axiom I used to cement in my mind originally to become a good driver, which I now also think pertains to what Dr.K had Connor work out near the end of the conversation, was _"Be aware, not worried."_ Be aware of the 10 cars behind you, don't be worried about them. Be aware of the cyclist you are passing, do not worry about it. And in the context here, be *aware* of the encroaching negative intrusive thoughts, but do not *worry* of their presence. If you worry about every car in the oncoming traffic of a 2-lane street, the trip across town becomes a harrowing, anxiety-inducing nightmare, and might even cause you to over-react to something and cause an accident. Awareness of the mind lets the thoughts take stage, say their lines, and move on. Be aware, not worried.
@@effjesse_ Your comment lightened up my night, friend! Thank you for listening and I'm glad you're feeling improvement in your driving! Got me all stoked for a 2 year old comment getting some absorbent eyes, I appreciate the reply
The way Connor thought to use his session to help the viewers struck me as incredibly thoughtful and compassionate. Even in the face of crippling anxiety and negative self-talk, he still had the consideration to help others. A big thanks to you Connor, because your transparency has helped plant some seeds for how to make peace with my anxiety. And of course, thank you Dr. K 😊
I'm deeply grateful to have chance upon this channel/video and to be helped by it. I was able to relate his struggle with my own, stuck in my negative thought loop of being not good enough thus failing, and also because of being influenced by people around me thought that I have to defeat the OCD self to be able to get out. That's until now after all these years through this video that I get my OCD self is not to be fixed but to reconcile and accept, to be ok with. Now I truly feel that I've found the path out of this loop and in time will be able to leave and be a better me. Thank you :')
Damn, listening to Connor and how relatable he is made me stop and reflect on my whole life. But as I was seeing my life, Connor’s voice was still there. I had to pause at 15:06 to write this comment to share it with the world. Some will care, some won’t, some might troll, but hey-that’s the internet; where you can be your truest self. Edit: Damn, I feel so bad that Connor feels like people don’t like him because he doesn’t like himself. And it’s an uncontrollable feeling. I hate myself too but I know I like Connor. I hope more people will one day like Connor too. We need to start opening up more and being more compassionate with one another.
So young and already taking care of his mental health in an open and carefully thought out manner. I am constantly impressed by this generation and their understanding of self care and how they seem to have a bigger grasp on the fundamentals of psychology. It’s a promising sign.
Detachment from suffering = acknowledging and accepting whats happening without the need to entertain thoughts about what happens next and what it all means. Very freeing, almost stoic. You allow yourself to feel the fleeting emotion and dont need to mull on it any further than that, decreasing it's importance and allowing you to move on emotionally to the next fleeting emotion
I think the biggest takeaway for me was that part of getting better is accepting that (for some conditions) you cannot fix it. You cant fight the thoughts because they're coming from something that cannot be removed (yet). To fight something is to assume that you can win, but you cant, so work with it and not against it.
Really reassuring to hear this. I’m surprised how much I relate to all the specifics of this, down to the history of school avoidance, the self fulfilling prophecy stuff, multiple diagnoses and unsuccessful therapy and treatment. I know in theory that everyone struggles and I’m not alone, but the similarity between experiences here is unreal. It’s like my experiences and thoughts are being put into words. Even more reassuring to hear someone like Connor, who I view as successful, struggle with things like this.
My brother has ocd too, and I've noticed that a lot of folks who deal w it are troubled by "is this wrong or right" thoughts. It's really hard for him to understand that sometimes things are neither or both. The sooner you understand neutrality the easier things get.
This is EXACTLY what I've been struggling with, and I appreciate you guys being so willing to share your experiences, i never wouldve made the connection without you guys hitting things at the right angle.
This video beautifully tied together why watching your thoughts (most meditations) is so important. By not trying to fix anything and just letting it be, you achieve the state of self/mind you desire. By not desiring anymore. It's crazy when you actually delve into why "desire is the root of all suffering" is a popular phrase. This just blew my mind... They must teach this in schools.
I relate to Connor in so many ways. For the past month I've been trying to figure out when/what started my negative self talk but I couldn't think of a specific time. When Dr. K said it could start with a tiny seed (49:00) my mind was blown. I never really thought about it in that way. All these years I've been feeding it so of course it's a redwood by now lol Glad Connor shared, because this is exactly what I needed to hear and I believe it's going to help me so much :D
I've been following Dr. K ever since he started, and I finally found the video that I can relate too. I'm finally getting diagnosed after 20 years of absolute misery. Much love
This is by far the most relatable dr k video I've ever seen. I've had this problem for so long where I'll meet someone and we'll click mutually and once I click with someone I'll want so desperately to ensure that they care about me as much as I care about them but when I'm around them I can't even be myself anymore which is the reason we clicked in the first place. Eventually they break contact with me and then I beat myself up for so long in hindsight knowing that I never gave myself a fair chance and only portrayed a watered down version of who I am. I'm left with the thought that they rejected the illusion that my insecurity made me out to be instead of myself actually being rejected, but they never got to see who I really am and now I can't fix it because they'll always remember me as I was but In their memory of me is something I'm not
What you say at 1:00:00 ish about knowing that every fibre in your body wants to do something and you know it might be good for you and you don't. I kinda did stuff like that when I was a child out of self-hatred, thinking I didn't deserve to go to my first crush's party (i think i might be like 7 or 8 years old) so i stayed home and cried and hated on myself and I think that truly empowered the negative-feeling and my mind used my action as a proof to "torment" myself further with. I've always had problems with negative thoughts about myself etc and they grew exponentially worse as a teenager. My story is different from this case but I think and hope I can cherry-pick some stuffs and use to my own benefit. Because I have noticed that my mind-ghosts (intrusive thoughts, analyzings) sometimes becomes a hindrance, especially socially and I don't want that. Thank you for this video and thank you for participating. I will now continue watching :)
I can't tell you how helpful this was for me to watch. I was listening to it on the side, thinking maybe I can get something from this, and when I noticed how similar my mind is to his, especially with the ROCD thoughts (though from the 'do I really love him' side) and judging myself for that, I thought damn. This could be it. The cycle you drew makes so much sense to me. I've known that I just need to accept how I feel about myself and that it's okay for me to be upset or angry and such, but I haven't realized that it's okay for me to judge myself as well. I'll try this practice out soon. Right now I am really exhausted, as I always am with big revelations like these. This is the good stuff, man.
Was listening to this while driving and I literally yelled out loud "YES! YESSSSS!" when you guys were describing R-OCD. I was like, holy crap there's a word for it???! And someone else understands!! Omgggg Yes, this video is indeed helping someone else (: thank you so much ❤
"it was my discreet impression that ..." goodness that is smooth, and also very nice. I appreciate the way he said "i've been watching the way you move and breath" without causing any anxiety if id had someone as competent when i was 14 id have been a lot better off. You do amazing work Dr. K
When Dr K asks him about his trembling voice and he explains it’s because he’s talking about things he usually suppresses… his voice doesn’t tremble as much afterwards anymore. Amazing.
Thank you Dr.K! Ive been to so much therapy (CBD) that suggests i should challenge the negative thoughts.ie) "Is it absolutely true?" It helps simetimes but not much. I think i have obseesive tendencies and your advice here might be what i needed. And thank you Connor for being so vulnerable and brave for modelling healthy masculinity and at such a young age!🙌🏼
I don't know if this is helpful for anyone because they did get bogged down in a lot of deep abstraction about truth, negative, positive, objective fact, how you "feel" etc. but if you have the same kind of problem Connor has, I would personally equate the solution to something like this: Imagine someone else says you have an ugly nose. The winning move isn't to ARGUE with that person. Nothing will be gained. But deciding not to argue doesn't mean you now objectively have an ugly nose just because you didn't fight back. It just means you're not giving the person who is attacking you what they want, which is to waste your time trying to "prove" against one person's dumb opinion. Now just imagine that instead of someone else, it's you doing this to yourself and it's the same thing. Like, an example I've had where someone else did this to me is a few months back when a girl at work was mad at me, and she made some random remark about how I probably have a small dick. I just said "yep!" and walked away. That took the wind completely out of her sails and I went about my day with my energy totally intact. It doesn't matter that she said that. It doesn't matter that I chose to say "yep!" instead of like... trying to correct her on making some kind of objective error. Again, I think it's the same principle at work here, except it's you and not an external person. There's an aspect of "just roll with it, regardless" that is key here. I've been in Connor's space before where you get really obsessed with "setting the record straight" even with yourself, but that gets murky and exhausting fast. Rolling with it - even if your positive self has a different opinion, or even if the bad opinion/other person is objectively wrong - lets you move on and not lose your momentum.
I had watched this interview a couple times over the last few years and always felt like it was solid, but didn't entirely apply to my life. These past couple of weeks however had brought a lot of insecurities that I hadn't been intimate with in YEARS. Rewatching this interview again, I'm recognizing just how much I relate to Connor 1:1, from the limerance to the intrusive thoughts. For the most part, these thoughts don't factor into my life, but something happened recently where they ABSOLUTELY do and its been a struggle because I almost feel like I've taken a hundred steps back. Watching this interview, along with reviewing notes I've taken in my journal over the past couple of years watching your content has been a HUGE help in maneuvering this
I am not the person you would look at and think I would value this channel the way I do. 3 years later, I’m getting the help I’ve needed for so long. This was so enlightening, and I’m grateful Connor wanted to share his breakthroughs because although it’s been at a low level, I’ve had many of the same concurrent issues. I’m saving this to refer back to….it didn’t quench my need to fix myself, but I’m open to the idea that the concept is possible. And one thing that blew my mind is the notion that there can be pain without suffering 🤯never have I ever….thanks Dr.K, you’re doing God’s work!
Connor, I relate to you so incredibly much. I was plagued by OCD when I was younger and had no idea what it even was. My dad got a job where he'd come home between 1am and 2am so I would often stay up to wait for him, but inevitably he'd be late for all kinds of reasons. He had no idea what I was going through, but the longer it would take him the worse my rituals would get. I don't know how my last ex was able to handle me. If she was ever later than expected I'd blow up her phone, not because I was afraid she was cheating, but because I was afraid something horrible happened. I would just be bombarded with feelings of doom and it would trigger tons and tons of rituals to try to banish the horrible feelings I would get. I still deal with it every day, pretty much every minute, but I've been able to separate myself from the intrusive thoughts and have learned tools like mindfulness to help me get through the compulsions without getting stuck.
I just want to say; I know you guys were thinking this may not be applicable to other people, but this entire video felt exactly like me, and has given me hope. Thank you so much ! (Official diagnosis with OCD)
I went to the therapist once and this is my problem. Can confirm it's hard to let all those dumb negative thoughts out but you can try to negate all those by for example thinking about other stuff, fun stuff, cool stuff and all also don't let yourself to be alone. When you start being alone, all those thoughts can come easily 🙏
I really appreciate this video as I've been noticing the rise in myself of "a million different things going wrong" over time & being extremely self-deprecating whenever negative emotions rise within me. Never considered the possibility of acceptance & usually ended my days short by forcing myself to sleep whenever these problems occurred as that would be the only thing keeping me from substances. This new perspective is a bit mind boggling but it brings comfort to my mind that "fixing" isn't what should be achieved. Sitting with the intrusive thoughts & having them naturally dwindle in importance over time feels applicable to me extremely, so thank you. I'm aware of the traps of "fixing" ahead, & going forward choosing my wording within my head very carefully. GG NO RE, your impact on this world is immense.
25:00 Neg self talk 1:33:00 stop trying to fix things. It's not the Neg self talk. Fixing is the problem. Your ocd is fixated on fixing things. JUST LET IT BE. "Your antidote IS the poison."
You guys dont even understand how happy I am to see this, 1:11:00 the parts where he starts talking about acceptance I’ve been so upset and depressed between my ideal self and present self and it felt like I was stuck in a loop- one day I just stopped trying because it was so suffocating, I said fuck it imma love myself the way I am rn And I felt so much more happier, and I’ve walked so much more forward
@@agentperry8347 I couldn’t point out a trauma point but overall feeling of incompetence, if I was disagreed with or shot down- my first reaction is feeling a sort of confirmation bias as if it was expected
I’m not active on twitch nor a gamer, but I’m so taken back by how many streamers feel these emotions but are so comfortable on camera. For myself, I’m more shy on camera.
This video is helping me a lot, i am about to join school again and i am having constant negative thoughts that the other students are going to be better than me, what if i don' do a good job, what if i don't like the course i am perusing. These thoughts just keep replaying in my mind and it's hard to get out of the loop. I to also struggle when seeing new people i become blank and do not know what to say. Please Dr .K if you have any suggestions on how to cope with this please touch it thanks!
Yeah this happens to me in the sports I play, I get scared to try out, because i think everyone is better than me and there is no use in trying out, even though I've never not made the team.
Hi healthy gamer! I am also currently dealing with anxiety and anxious thoughts in general, and this video really expanded my horizon on it. Love it especially the self attitude diagram. Really grateful you did this episode. Much love man ❤
Mostly people will say that the only help you can get is from only yourself, but from this sharing I think that maybe I don't have to help myself by harshly criticizing what I've been doing wrong or questioning why I've doing this in a certain way, because this comes from comparing myself to the other people surrounding me. I can only observe and accept how other people do things but not myself. I would almost always try to "fix" my broken parts by referring to others, yet this is just denying my own self. To truly help myself I have to first recognize this is me. Every person is unique and so as each person's mind. Keeping a distance to my thoughts and trying to see more stuff that are in my horizon would slowly help me gain control over myself and my future. Thank you Connor and Dr. K!
I guess I'll need to watch the whole thing, but in the first 10 minutes, I'm confused why this person tried so many treatment modalities. It's fascinating to hear how well he knows himself and listening his growth. But most people don't do EMDR unless they've been through serious trauma and know that it is a road block or are told to do so by a therapist. I hope going forward he doesn't suppress these things, because these are powerful stories and things to share. Thankfully this was recorded and people can look at this. I find that people hate talking about psychological things with other humans, but if you give people a methodical way to work on their problems and talk them through things, they are skeptical until they try it. The issue I see on a quick glance is at the 10:00 mark, talking about trauma and how Dr. K views Root Causes/RCA on mental struggles, someone saying "I couldn't find anything that caused xyz trauma" is usually wrong. There's always trauma for someone on some level, some people might call them micro traumas. If something sticks with you and is a core wound, you might not see the same way as someone else does.
I thought because of adhd that I would never be able to be mindful. I felt like a robot moving at lightning speed. I thought, I won’t be a good speaker because I can’t catch the words before they exit my mouth, I thought I was doomed to be that bull in a China shop. Somehow after 2 years of shotty effort of meditation and failed relationships, I started making healthier decisions. 6 months back I stopped fighting trying “noting” meditation and it’s helped me in 100 ways. Patience and hope that you can change is hard to get moving, but once it does, it’s exponential
These are the types of interviews that genuinely help me. I don't care about toxicity in League of Legends or the state of gaming for girls in 2020, I want to see Dr. K diving deep with someone who has been struggling with mental health issues and genuinely needs help fixing their perspective on life because so do I.
I understand your sentiment but the n°1 thing Dr.K advocates for is getting irl treatment if you are struggling with mental health issues and not to rely on his content as a crutch to avoid getting it
Wow! Literally exactly what I have been dealing with the past 2 years. Im 25 and i havent been able to understand what i was dealing with, but fuck lol. This resonated on so many levels. THANK YOU CONOR! This was extremely helpful, i cant even begin to explain but THANK YOU!!!
I had a lot of similar things to Connor in high school, specifically with the anxiety. I also would feel the absolute dread of going to school and lack of motivation and I didn't even know why. It's helpful to know someone felt the same because many times I felt like I was just making it all up in my head to get out of school
I broke up with my bf cause I was thinking the exact same thing as Connor! I always wanted to have reassurance and I became paranoid every time I didn't get a reply to the point it was so stressful so we talked about it and ended up fighting then we broke up, at least now I know what to do next time I get into relationships. Thank you for this video.
It's been a while since I've logged in, good to see you all chat :) been working hard on improving my life away from lots of technology. I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU TOO! Ttyl
This is exactly like me! For the last 15 years I've been thinking that I'm the only one who deals with this stuff and felt so alone. This interview helped so much to handle my feelings and maybe one day I can be who I think I am, fully.
Just pausing in the middle here, but I can really relate to you Connor. I never really had one clear event that broke me or something. I just have this feeling that there's something wrong with me, I feel like an alien sometimes, and also that I beat myself up for being thinking things, doing things, etc. struggled with OCD as well. and this thing just kept leveling up and slowly grew more and more extreme. It grew sos slowly that it also sort of became who I am without really noticing it until it was already this huge uncontrollable monster. I think for me it might have started at primary school already, and grew very slowly from here, but in high school it became really really big. I always was very short for my age and started growing years later than avarage, also I just recently discovered that I;m asexual, or rather, that other people weren't, and were actually serious and not just fooling me. there were just a lot of little things that made me very insecure and doubt myself, compare myself to others and see myself 'not measuring up'
This subject has hit a bit differently than most of the ones i have listened to while zoning out and working. Always i have struggled with those intrusive thoughts and have lost so many friends due to it. Being alone in the battle with myself and constant paranoia it has evolved into something else entirely. Though i may never improve, it feels kind of good to see someone doing pretty good with a similar (or the same) problem. Keep it up.
Update after finishing the video. Seems like i will be okay, giving up and not fighting the voices, letting them go and detaching myself from them and the emotions was my own hard earned solution, and apparently the actual solution.
@meshkin71 good job. Yeah not letting the negative thoughts become us is so incredibly difficult to get past. Dr K's saying that helped me a lot is "I am a person who fails sometimes at things, and succeeds other times at things
Dr. K, thank you so much for doing these interviews. As far as I know I don't have any significant mental health struggles but my fiancée does and not only has she found these videos insightful and helpful, it's helped me understand the struggles she faces.
Boy oh boy, existing is just a pain, like you're always falling down the stairs, and being told that you got to stop falling. Therapists are like the hand railings.
Dr. K, you let people know like that you cant fix their problems by going on the show or whatever and you like really suggest going into therapy and counseling and stuff. I think flr me it’s leas that and moreso you come across as the most understanding person i have literally ever seen, Ive had counselors put words in my mouth and ignore me and (in a less apparent and more polite way) tell me to go fuck myself lol. At least thats how it made me feel. Ive felt generally unimportant, and havent felt like people around me are proud of me for still being here. The appeal of your show is simply like, if i could have one conversation with anyone the way people have conversations with you, It would be so reassuring and a breath of fresh air. Youre a really great guy and I appreciate everything you do so much.
I resonated with this so strongly. I tried the exercise they did and was interested and surprised that it gave me a panic attack. I always thought that was an external trigger. Very helpful and informative viewing.
About an hour and a half in and the idea of "hugging the punching bag", or sitting with the sadness really reminds me of the Buddhist ideas about suffering and how to use suffering.
Great video. Thanks to the doc for being so caring and wise, and for Connor, for putting himself out there. Something that really helped me was this idea of agreeing, in part, with the negative self. When I had intrusive thoughts, I went from fighting them, to feeling and accepting them. Which worked a bit. But I like this idea or agreeing with them a little bit. Like "hugging the boxing bag". That has instantly made me feel better. I think what we really want to aim for is being able to develop the skills to give ourselves that little bit of space when we have an intrusive thought, then we can learn to regulate better. Thank you guys.
Holy moly! This was such an eye-opener for me im not even kidding. Its like fighting someone (who should be my friend) deep inside of me for like my whole Life. Like if another Person you love gets angry at you, you should try to Understand them and not be like "hey.. you are logical incorrect, so your feelings doesnt matter" Anyways such a good Talk it really helped me alot! Thanks to both of you.
the question at 1:35:10 is so masterfully hidden in a sense, using our root western assumption that things ought to be fixed, falling for it was a pleasure someone must have felt when a martial artists with profound technique defeated him, but the profoundness of the technique gave him so much insight, he could only but laugh.
Thank you both for this. Ive watched lots of videos and have especially liked the interviews. Of all of them, I felt this was the one I most closely aligned with in terms of problems. I feel confident that I can change the way I react to myself - the good AND the “negative”. ❤️
I can relate to this a lot and have been struggling with this kind of cyclical thought pattern for a long time. Thank you Connor and Dr. K, this talk has been really useful! :)
i appreciate what youre doing for the gamers out here, ive looked alot for these videos and im surprised how similar this is to my case, it felt like this was exactly my case
