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That one girl treating him like a human genuinely saved the lives of the very kids who bullied her for treating him like a human. Ironic how the world works.
Treating someone as a Human being needs to be the baseline for humanity, unless we ever meet beings from other planets. While needing to understand, kindness needs Symbolic armor when more Social paths are born that way, not created. Since 5 to 30 years can vary in when older people who have slowed down them down and helped them, there is a chance losing the ability to stop such people.
@@drcraby356 The worst part is that the people who bullied her for befriending him don't know she saved their lives. In fact they actively tried to sabotage the efforts of the only person who prevented them from getting unalived or hurt
@@BikZom and that's the problem why is it in the first place like is it really that hard to do your job like your not just a teacher but also a protecter and if you can't do both then they shouldn't be in that position
@@BikZom no it’s not, and saying that makes it sound like nothing can be done. Every infamous school shooter is a repeated type of person that shoots in certain type of area. Edit - never said there are schools with no bullying, I'm saying not all schools are like this guy's school. I've been bullied but my school actually doesn't punish the victim. In my city this level could never happen because people care.
@@BikZom Look at the ratio of Women and men who are teachers in all schools within all of the west. Compare it to the past 50s to 80s, and then 90s to now.
The most mind-blowing thing about the "no tolerance" rules in school is it's literally backwards from how we, as a society, understand these interactions to be; we allow people to fight back and consider it to be a human right to do so. If you are attacked and fight back, you are seen as a victim that was rightful in their actions. But at school you're an aggressor who deserves punishment. The mental gymnastics are mind melting.
Something it also plays a role your appearance, I remember an aggressive kid in school but because he is GL they say "no is just that he had a complicated life" but when it was about an ugly kid it was different and it didn't get the same response as the GL one
Massive kudos to JC for taking part in this interview. The only way to prevent kids from developing violent ideation is to understand how and why it does to begin with. It takes profound ego strength to be able to be this honest about such a dark past. I don't know JC, but I'm proud of him for getting himself out of that period and now contributing to our understanding of what leads to school shootings.
As someone who has worked in schools I can say with absolute certainty that the biggest causes for this sort of ideation is a bad home life and bullying. You combine those with social awkwardness and you have a powder keg of emotional and mental issues.
@@booleah6357 I worked in admissions on a psychiatric unit for teens for almost 3 years, and I could probably count on my fingers the number of genuinely good, supportive families I encountered, out of literally hundreds.
@@phren716 it's so sad and there's really only so much someone can do about it. It's like everyone knows it's a problem but we can't change it because the responsibility is on the individuals to recognize that their actions impact others.
@@user19200 Yes. However it's not just the teachers. This is clearly a bigger issue and to put blame solely on one group or person is not going to solve it.
JC is so well spoken and intelligent. I'm so glad he found his way eventually. As a teacher, it absolutely enrages me to hear how he was treated. Teachers often seem to forget that our students are just kids, therefore, they need more compassion than we as adults are sometimes uncomfortable giving.
I can say, when I was a kid growing up in the 90s, teachers didn't care about the kids. I was bullied and would go to tell one of them, and they got mad that I said anything. The kids never faced any reprocussions.
I had similar experience teachers tend to do nothing and i was bullied by mulitiple classes beauce some false rumors. I wanted to die or kill them all. Definitely ruined me for life.
I have classmates from both middle school and high school that have become teachers themselves just recently. They often share and repost memes on social media that say things like: "Teachers aren't paid enough to care and are burnt out from an overly demanding work environment and therefore justify subpar behavior in classrooms."
@GeneralHappyDeath God, that's so disappointing. Sure our pay actually sucks for the amount of work we do, especially out of work hours, but that never changes the fact that we are dealing with young people. Someone once put it as "for some of these kids, we are the only stable adult they will see in the day" and that changed what teaching meant for me. Work conditions do impact this a lot though - I'm sure if I worked at a more difficult school that lacked adequate support for staff then I would be constantly challenged to hold this view, so I both understand and am disappointed in teachers who have that approach to teaching.
What did he have to lose? What are people gonna do, bully him? I'm glad he came on here because things like this need to be discussed regardless of how heinous his thoughts may seem to us. When people actually carry out vengeance fantasies we all wonder how they got there and how we could have helped. Now we know what 100% did help. I'd hang with that dude in a heartbeat. People just need to be understood is essentially the takeaway. Shutting someone down who has thoughts like that just leaves them to ruminate and dwell on those thoughts because they never got them out. Once thoughts are said out loud one can usually see the errors in reasoning that they couldn't see when the thoughts are in their heads.
there's a difference between acting up and school shooting and if you're getting bullied do something about it and it wont happen anymore people only bully you when u let them
@@KYLIXS777 All the school shooters that have come so far are those that decided to do something when they didn't want to be bully anymore. Surely you realize that?
@@KYLIXS777 You realize he did something about it and got bullied by the school right? This thought process you are advocating for is the exact process that leads to someone "doing something about it" and becoming a shooter.
I wasn’t expecting that! Shows the level of insight professionals like Dr. K have, compared to us. I never put it tg that it can be detrimental to be singled out in such a way. Made me examine my own similar experiences.
I think in JC's case (and many others), "A lack of mentorship" = A lack of someone "in your corner." JC had a therapist who could "mentor" him on how to "deal." But JC lacked someone that truly looked out for him. That feeling is devastating, even to adults.
I went through this same situation as a kid and it messed me up so bad that even having good values it's hard to be a good person sometime because trauma and neglect destroys your frontal lobe
I related so heavily to everything around JC's homelife and school experiences as a girl. People who I thought were my friends took turns throwing me on the pavement until my hands and knees were bloody, and crushing my glasses and I am legally blind. Rage never subsides, you just get numb enough to hide it. Monsters aren't born, they're made.
Thank you JC and Thank you Dr. K for this extremely important video. I grew up in an abusive household and I became The Tank, defending my sister. I had an boy in high school English class that was the entire school's target. The teacher said he "kind of is asking for it" and that freaking mad me snap. I invited this kid to whatever lunch group I was in, I defended him in class, I witty quipped the bullies every time they started something to redirect their attention. This kid said during the class that I was the only good person in the class, and that made me feel better than anything. At that point, and still to this day, I believe that "all it takes is one". One friend. One supporter. One Teacher. Having even just that one person can completely change your life and allow you to survive through those 5 years.
Most definitely. For me my dad is that one. I don't know what I would do without him. Big thanks to you for being that one in someone else's life. Most people are too scared to help the "unstable" or "dangerous" but the ones that do are the real ones 😎.
@@itsLantik I actually was able to catch him before he became unstable or dangerous, but I could clearly see the potential for it if someone didn't step in right then. He was just a socially awkward, weird kid that tried too hard to fit in, and every attempt he made was met with ridicule, ostracization, and the worst bullying I had ever seen in a public setting. They TORTURED this kid until he snapped and got into trouble, just like in JC's story and they even stole his trombone, which I think was over a $1000! Filled me with rage! 😡 Actually, now that I think about it, I might have wound up punching someone before he did. 😆 I'm just glad I could help and give him that support and I hope his life has gotten much better, because he deserved it.
I sat next to a nerdy kid in high school who was bullied a lot and didn’t really have friends, but he was so funny. All I had to do was invite him at a party and the act of just *him* being there and trying it out made everyone’s night. He ended up being nominated for the homecoming court after being the schools MVP (most valuable partier). It didn’t take much and we’re still friends a decade later. 💕
Thanks for bringing up the fact that schizophrenics aren't usually violent. This interview was eye opening and I think I will consider challenging my antipsychiatry beliefs.
Damn sort of amazed this guy put his face on camera in a live interview that he didn't have to do and outted himself about all this stuff.. As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone, props for sharing the story
Yeah it's disappointing to see the disenfranchisement of those who admit to thinking these kinds of things. We see all too often that only the ones that are "innocent" and "were hurt by bad people" get support but to stop those things we need to give love to the "potentially dangerous" and tbh honest you saying "As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone" shows that kind of attitude is the norm. I feel we need to give support to those that are hurt and those that DO hurt, or else these kinds of things will continue to happen. The first guy to come to my mind was the boy behind the Uvalde shooting. Terribly sad story and an equally sad shooter who deserved more in life.
The story would arguably be even more valuable to share if he had hurt someone. It would underscore the importance of the message and the weightiness of the topic.
@@itsLantikI agree. It's important that we forgive each other. Perpetrators can be just as lost and in need of help as the victims. Even if he had hurt someone he should be embraced for turning away from it.
I feel nothing but respect for JC, the amount of reflection he's done and way of understanding life are truly fascinating. He seems very wise to me, and I'm sure he'll help a lot of people in his life.
This isn't just one of the best conversations on this channel ... This is one of the highest-value conversations ever had & published anywhere. Especially the reflection about the influence of the peer over the counselor. Wow.
school counselors at most time is basically useless... you can talk it out, but end of day everything is on you... plus counselor are most of time so far removed and not "trustworthy" in the short term of the session for you to say anything, and basically leaks like a sieve to the teacher's side IMO. peers are your worse friends and best friend to self improve and to relate. kids and teens are the often just jackasses... plus you got your own teen issues...
@@eevafgh he gave us insight into his thinking process. the internal introjects that he carries don't just go away. in the long run he will get worse. learn to calm yourself when confused.
@@jlllx What is wrong with you. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto others. No, people actually do get better. *He's* gotten better already. Pr**k
@@jlllx I disagree, and find your comments very rude; however there is no way for either of us to know for sure. JC is actively working towards a better future, and to help others who deal with similar issues as he had. He even states that he likes having his world view challenged. To me, this is great improvement, and its not like he can just unlearn any lesson that he's learned by dealing with his problems. Assuming he gets worse is totally unfair to him, especially when he put in all this effort and research. You must admit, JC is very knowledgeable about the things he discussed.
This poor guy. I can really understand the anger and frustration. I was treated like the problem kid in school that all the teachers ignored. Even though I mostly just drew in my book instead of doing work because I had dyscalculia and social anxiety so I couldn't ask for help, the teachers thought I was refusing to do work just to be a "bad kid", whatever that means. Once you earn that reputation it never goes away, and other people start to join in on it, like how animals will attack certain other's out of the group. Me and by 2 siblings all spent time being the family scapegoat at some point or another as well.
I have never heard of the word dyscalculia until now and after looking it up, I think I may have this as well. I have struggled with math all my life and I even as a senior in college now, I had to take four math courses to "catch up" and I ended up failing calculus twice before switching majors to one that doesn't require it. I had to cheat in a lot of the college math courses to get by because I mix the numbers up and if I am ever forced to do math without a calculator, I can't do subtraction and division very well. Hell, when I work sales sometimes, I am honest to customers telling them I need the calculator because I don't want to give them the wrong change back. But yeah, I also drew a lot due to social anxiety and I tried to isolate myself from my classmates because of that too. Having to raise my hand for anything was so much pressure and I hated it. Thank you for sharing, this helped me learn more about myself. But I also wanted to say that I am really sorry you had to go through that. The adults like the teachers should be more understanding and patient with students of any age. Without their support, students like us will not be given the chance we need to thrive. I had only a select few teachers that understood me and would work with me when they knew I was struggling. Those are the teachers I will never forget. I just wish all were like that.
Dude I've been thinking about that feeling all day. Feeling like you're being treated like a problem kid. For me it was like the teachers and staff lumped me in with the actual trouble kids. I just always felt like there was an injustice going on and I didn't know exactly how to describe it
Great, a bunch of people who are going to validate their lack of effort of in math because they found a word someone made up. Imagine if a fat person justified themselves because they have an "eating disorder". Oh wait...
@@dinosaysrawr I was bullied pretty bad at school for like 3 years, I was a black belt in karate still I was picked on because I wouldnt fight back, and I wouldnt fight back because of zero-tolerance BS. But one day someone with genuine anger issues pinned me to a locker room wall for the dumbest of reasons, (I touched their bag whilst looking for my own which had been hidden by regular bullies) It was the first time I actually fought back, and I was pinned so well in my right, and it was in a packed locker room so everyone saw it and backed my story up. I actually put my black belt to use and uppercut the fucker right in the chin between his grip and he dropped me and fell backwards. just one strike and it was over! after that I was pretty much never bullied again, and it was one of those rare situations that there were so many witnesses who clearly saw me get grabbed and thrown against the wall for practically no reason that the teachers couldn't help but accept self defence. plus I ended it in one and then left which also looked good on my part. the moral of the story is that self defence stops bullies and zero tolerance prolongs it.
@@dinosaysrawr I a million percent agree, nothing feels worse than getting punished for defending yourself against the kid that actually started the fight
@@EthanolTailor Man, I think a lot of times it also helps to have your parents in your corner. I had something else happen where some kid decided to pick on me back in middle school and when I told my parents they told me that I can fight back and then to only tell my teachers or whoever got me in trouble to call them and not say anything else. I gave the kid a bloody nose and that ended that, but when they called me in I told them to call my parents, and my dad sure enough came up to the school and told me to wait outside the principal's office while he talked to them. That was the last I ever heard of it from the school. There were other times throughout school that my parents were always in my corner no matter what happened, but they both had bad experiences with teachers growing up. It was pretty awesome to tell my teachers to go ahead and call my parents when they threatened to just to hear the teachers get chewed out on speakerphone.
The ability to articulate these thoughts, the self understanding to not continue to chastise oneself for having these plans, and the ability to be so willing to change your worldview is honestly impressive. It's also interesting hearing this story from someone who seemed to have a similar style of dissociation experience as myself while being bullied/neglected at home, but went in a different route than myself as well.
@@thecompareablezombie I'm not so sure about that. School shootings haven't happened but how many serial killers or criminals came from a similar place?
Right and an unsupportive school life doesn’t help either, many of these shooters have nothing to fall back on and become isolated and turn to some very disturbing ideologies online. Not saying it’s an excuse by any means, but I’m bothered that shooting up a school, club, place of worship, healthcare center, etc are part of American culture now.
JC seems like a very nice and well adjusted young man. Just hearing him talk I would've never suspected he would've ever wanted to act violently. Much respect to him for explaining his situation and let people better understand what can lead to violent ideation.
Truth be told he could have just struggled with "pure obsession", a subset of OCD. These people focus about and fear doing something terrible, but would never do said thing since it is the object of their fear.
Have you never heard the old saying, "It's always the quiet ones?" Haha But, no, in all seriousness, homicidal fantasies are basically normal and probably even healthy. It's why virtually everybody does it. It's an adaptive response of the human mind to its environment, a coping mechanism of last resort to deal with intolerable circumstances. And in the case of JC, it worked: he survived and so did everyone else, too. Mission accomplished! His fantasies might have felt more compelling and more powerful than those of the average person, but at the end of the day, they were still just fantasies. He never acted upon them and nobody died. The only thing that made it any more real than the idle ruminations of anyone else was his own mental percept.
This reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I was on Omegle, and I came across a guy about 15-17 (I'm 21) and the conversation was normal until he started to show serious signs of incel mindset. Saying all the common nobody cares about me so everything is pointless, women won't date me, and then the racial arguments about certain races getting more girls etc. I could have just skipped because I Was uncomfortable, but I decided to stay there, challenge his views, and genuinely sit there and tell him that people will care, and that I care. Even though our views are extremely different and he makes me uncomfortable, I care about him and I don't want him to continue this path. I told him straight up, get out of that community you found online before it gets too deep. Because who knows what he could do to somebody or multiple people if he reaches the point of no return. I told him that he's so young and that he has his whole life ahead of him to get those experiences that he's craving. And that starting off conversations with a negative mindset, going into relationships thinking "nobody cares about me and if they do they're just lying", is what will fail you in the first place. He, obviously, was refusing to listen lol. But part of me hopes some of the long lecture I gave him helped. I hope I can be "that girl" from this video that came along and changed a perspective whether it was unintentional or direct. I hope he thinks about what I said sometimes and he takes action and steps away from the toxic mindset he has picked up from the internet. Thanks for this video. It really inspires me to be a better person because I think we should all take one for the team and reach out to people who are showing obvious signs of antisocial behaviour because y'all have no idea how far just an act of kindness can go.
That was really considerate of you, idk if I would have the patience for that honestly. But after seeing this maybe I would make a better effort to understand those kinds of people
you planted a seed. you can't change someones mind in one day or conversation, especially not someone who is not willing to change their mind. but what you said will hopefully bounce around in his head and eventually he'll reach the correct conclusion.
I applaud you for trying to be supportive to this man. I do want to mention though that showing support and doing your bit to try to help because you believe it's right, and trying to "save" someone are different things. It can be easy to be swept up in the idea of wanting to be someone's "saviour" that it ends up being problematic for both of you. Don't lose yourself trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Continue doing right by others, but be aware and honest to yourself why you're actually doing it.
You’re obviously not gonna change his mind. Because 1. He has his own experience to draw from which you don’t have. And 2 “data”. You can’t tell someone to stop a “toxic mindset”, when that’s a reality for that person. That’s not how you convince them. You know what would convince them, people actually caring without an agenda. And 2 women actually wanting to date him. If he had women wanting to date him, he obviously wouldn’t be complaining. What you are telling him are empty words that attempt to satisfy your own mind, not his. You don’t care about him.
Please let's not talk about this dating shit and "incels" under a video that has absolutely nothing to do with a guy that got bullied for absolutely no reason and potentially taking innocent lives.
This is so fucking honest, wow, I've never heard people validate those unspoken fucked up childhood experiences in the space of 2 hours... beautiful interview, it goes to show that these things manifest as either internal or external rage, like two sides of the same coin, it's like people don't realize that all this frustration and pain is what causes people to snap and see red, bruh, it's cliché but like shit, there's a reason and a rhyme fellas.... people don't just magically become monsters, everyone. Takes the genes to load the gun and the upbringing to pull the trigger, fuck it always makes me cry
I have never screamed as viscerally as I have these past 2 weeks. I was almost never expressing anger in the past and I was always submissive to cope in the past but all of it buried deep is clearly starting to show now. When I talk to therapists I sometimes scream my lungs out for minutes out of frustration and anger. Either in person or over the phone. I have had urges like never before to just be violent in some way sometimes. As soon as my main therapist made me realize anger existed in me it really did and it was buried super deep and now that it's able to manifest it's really clear just how much anger which fermented into rage was bottled in there. I am fascinated by this progression as I have never seen myself this angry and I am glad I have the proper team to figure stuff out now. But yeah speaking from that experience I definitely see how people are essentially predisposed to these tragedies and it breaks my heart. I am hoping we progress in the right direction somehow.
If you're human, you have the genes. Our ancestors did terrible, terrible things in order to survive...and because they survived, we're all here today.
@@Jenna_Talia"Evil" is just whatever the institutional gatekeepers of society happen to believe is bad at any given time. This also changes frequently.
When Dr. K asked what kind of stuff he had in his lunch box after this guys just described his horrific event, I felt a warmth that doesn't happen often. There's a big sense of care into that question, as he's not trying to get the events that happen in this mans life, but the emotions this guy felt during his childhood. Lunch time is an important time for children, so to deviate away from the constant thoughts of bullying to a lighter more positive line of thinking what the kid had for lunch is extremely important. I believe it slows down the spiral of negative thoughts, enabling for a healing process Sometimes I think when people are reliving a tragic moment(the bullying), it's a good idea to think about the positive parts of it as well(what he had for lunch). Caring for, what us adults consider little things, really change a kids perception on their world.
Man. I was a “gifted kid” I was told I was in the 99th percentile of intelligence for my province . I thought that was a good thing but the amount of problems it has caused is so much more than the benefits. After I was tested my sister was too, she was older , and didn’t get as good scores as me , but we were both sent to a “gifted school”. I was still in elementary but my sister got to Junior high, and her homework and additional work overwhelmed her to the point of crying every day. In grade seven. So my parents decided that I probably shouldn’t stay in the program. We switched to an art school for junior high. I went from “gifted” to “art” based curriculum. I went from 15 guys , 5 girls in a class to 5 guys and 20 girls . The later I have progressed into my adulthood the more I have realized that intelligence is secondary to effort . I always thought I would be successful, simply because I was smart . But having that in my head , caused me to not care , to not try. It has payed off terribly . It’s hard being “smart” and at this point in my life I feel so much further behind a lot of my peers. Feel LESS intelligence because I took it for granted . I’ve placed so much weight on intelligence, when it comes to dating etc. to the point it feels like nobody is on my “level” which I know is wrong . God it creates such a complex when you’re told you’re “better and smarter” than everyone else. I don’t think it’s productive in most cases . It sucks I read lord of the flies for school in grade 4 or 5 for god sakes . I was grappling with social issues and power dynamics and human nature when I was 10/11 years old and I truly believe it robbed part of my childhood away.
but what are your options ? attending a school with 20th percentile intelligence. Surely it's a benefit if you get fitted in the right school with the right people. If it then leads to university, and a job? maybe the issue is the lack of effort. Nobody told you to put in effort?
@@jackperry6269 That's the problem. "Gifted kids" End up not giving effort at all. To them it's given. I had the same issue until I came to realiziation that being gifted is a talent just mere boost, Advantage. That's it and you need to put in effort to progress. Person can have talent for music. But if that person is not interested in music then the person will never be musician. He'll never use the talent. we need to stop people saying oh you have it easy you don't even have to try! you're so gifted what a amazing child! and treat is just like talent. And tell parents "Your child has talent make sure the child puts in effort and develops it!"
Fantastic interview overall. The part about mentorship around 49:00 struck me. I feel like it' a big part of it is just someone giving a fuck about you. Like that one girl that stood up for JC and changed everything for him. She's a champ BTW, big respect
Man, I'm 20 minutes in and I have to say, those teachers and admin were the absolute worst. Threaten the kid with an external problem instead of helping him fix it. Is it any wonder, with stories like this, that we have as many school shootings as we do? I had some similar experiences in high school, with being bullies and feeling violent. I was lucky that I talked to the principle, and he actually listened. It didn't do anything for the bullying, but just hearing the words "what they're doing isn't right, and we'll do what we can" helped immensely. If they had just ignored the whole thing, or told me I was the problem, who knows how life would be different right now...
2 Corinthians 6:14-17 Leviticus 18:22 1 Timothy 2:11-15 I think that girl's actions were in direct defiance of Christian teachings, and thank God for that.
@@SeeMyDolphin saying this under a video about understanding and accepting others sure is absurd. I see the irony of my own comment, im just too busy to pretend to have a convo with you
@@deur If all you got from this video was that it was about "understanding and accepting others," then you might find value in rewatching it a few times. This video was just as much about being critical and reexamining certain ideas and worldviews as much as it was about 'acceptance'. There's a balance to be found. Of course there are many times where it's completely inappropriate to criticize other's beliefs, but I disagree that a discussion revolving around systemic problems and personal journeys is one of those times. And if your argument is that all beliefs and opinions should be accepted and exempt from criticism at all times, then that is what I would consider absurd.
@@SeeMyDolphin maybe i wasnt clear, by understanding and accepting i meant recognizing that someone thinks the way they think and not going "you are dumb because of .... and therefore im so very smart" right after. Do you think pointing out that there are contradictory verses in the bible proves that christians are bad? I understand there are hypocrites believing in the Christ teaching, does that mean that the whole teaching is bad?
@@deur Nowhere did I call anyone dumb. Nowhere did I ever claim to be smart. I did not claim there are contradictory verses in the bible, nor do I believe to have pointed any out. Nowhere did I claim the entire teachings of Christianity are bad. If I had to guess, I would think that you have been busy fighting boogeymen and mistook me for one as well.
When I was in 10th grade, I befirended this guy from my class who was new, didn't have any friends and was definitely odd (now in hindsight he was most likely autistic). My other firend and I were his only friends and the guys would bully him and call him autistic as an insult. He left this school at the end of the year and he came to visit one day in 11th grade and I gave him a hug (I like hugging people as opposed to kissing them in the cheek). Afterwards, this girl from our class who absolutely loves to play matchmaking most likely told him that I liked him, so he spent MONTHS messaging me on fb, even though I would give him the driest of replies because I noticed what was going on I used to think it was his doing, but now listening to JC, it made me realize how powerful someone like that girl can be to a vulnerable person like my classmate and made me hate her even more
That happened in my school too. Popular girls would tell the unpopular ones to ask out the sports guys all for the purpose of laughing at them. Its cruel and I never thought bullying happened until I heard about that. Its sad that he got so little attention that someone could convince him a clear friend likes him like that. What you did was nice though even if it didnt quite end well
I'm only at 46:15, but I just had to comment. JC's story is similar to my own. I had violent ideation myself due to being bullied in school, but I was in therapy from 1st grade through 12th. I also had a constant urge to self delete and an undiagnosed ED. I answered Yes to 7/10 questions on the ACE questionnaire. Sometimes therapy doesn't help (especially if you have therapists who are invalidating your concerns). Sometimes medication doesn't help (especially if you're misdiagnosed). It took a few heart-to-heart talks with teachers and my uncle and developing a dream of leaving to get me through. I'm still unpacking and healing at 33.
I haven’t even watched this but I already highly respect it and think this is a huge step forward in the conversation. Massive props to both parties in this video. I feel hope and optimism seeing this happen.
I wasn't expecting to have a lot in common with him. My grade growing up had several kind people as the cool people. So, I didn't get bullied much, but my home life was horrible, and I am neurodivergent so still no friends. and let me tell you just having someone show up and treat you like you're normal for 5 minutes made all the difference in the world for giving me hope and keeping going.
Ngl, very brave of him to show his face for something like this when you consider the risk of employment or basically anyone he knows in real life seeing it.
This dude is not a "potential school shooter", he is a decent human being that got driven insane by trash people, period. It would have been more odd if systematical bullying didn't cause a reaction in him. Whoever thinks he should've just ignored them or that he is just too sensitive simply has not experienced this kind of torture EDIT: just wanted to add how I disagree with responsibility distribution in this situation. I think he is 100% responsible for (not) shooting people aka acting upon his own feelings, but 0% responsible for feeling how he feels due to bullying.
they need to show this interview somewhere that will get more inner school publicity. Kids at certain ages don't understand the impact of their actions. Bullying is a very bad thing with very bad repercussions on someone's health and those around them. I hope JC's story is used to spread information and not be neglected by people that might want to pass judgement. Good job JC
Schools almost never do enough to prevent bullying. Some children and teens are so malicious. If I was a teacher and saw a popular kid and unpopular kid get into a fight I would always assume the popular kid is the malicious party. You'll be correct 9 times out of 10.
Honestly, the best way to reach people is to just say, "Yo, don't bully anyone because we live in a country with more guns than people, and because it's so easy to get a gun, if you piss that goofy-lookin' dude off he might just come in here and blow your brains out." I feel like that would be more effective than the touchy-feely approach with teenage boys -- speaking as someone who was once a teenage boy, a long time ago.
This is probably, to me, the best interview Dr. K has done up to this point. I was able to take away so much from this conversation. The subject matter is something that gets tackled very often, but not often does it get talked about from the perspective of someone like JC who has lived through the worst of it and is also very knowledgable. Thanks for the interview!
I have dealt with similar experiences, resonating with his oppression in school and a lack of support in home life. I feel on the tip. I really hate how putting down others is done so leisurely as if it’s a game, and the admins who claim as a helper while turning their backs when you need them.
I gotta say his story was so relatable to me because ive been through something pretty similar in school. I always felt like i was just treated like a monster, got bullied and teased because they learned that I defend myself in a heavily tempered way that would only get me in trouble because the teachers always just watched when I exploded an didn't see why. So I got treated like a monster which after a while made me think "they want a monster to poke and make fun of, so ill give them a monster to fear instead" i was always the odd one for one reason or another and instead of trying to fit in i kinda had the opposite reaction. So i started having thoughts and fantasies about getting revenge, i developed a god complex but internalized self hatred. Not because i wanted to be normal but more out of spite "Im gonna love AND hate myself the most, because im better than them" that was my mindset. I became pretty antisocial, anti the System and ESPECIALLY anti authority figures because they were supposed to help me and just shunned me instead. So i got in trouble in school for stuff i did actually do but that got blown way out of proportion (little vandalisms) it all ended with me being kinda grey zone-expelled as I call it, which was actually my savior because if id stayed in this Environment a little longer, im sure i would have comitted su1cide. But luckily i got out of there and automatically got better over the last 2 years and recently i finally graduated externally and i feel like my life quality kinda skyrocketed. Thats my story and I think it has quite a few parallels.
One of the major points here is that we should be the friend that reaches out. The person in pain can only do so much when everyone is against them. Try to be kind and gentle to someone who’s back is against the wall.
I’m nice to everyone and will be friends with anyone. I go out of my way to talk to people who look lonely. It’s because when I was younger I use to be that lonely kid with no one to talk to. I was never violent to anyone, I was more like suicidal. But i was saved by people who were kind and wanted to be my friend, even if I was weird or didn’t have many friends. They took me along, and so I grew up to be much more outgoing and have many friends, but I return the favor and try to uplift people who are lonely like was done for me
This was a very *important* interview. Thank you Dr K and JC for enlightening us. We had bullies back in highschool but nothing to this extent. A sad reality that happens everyday at almost all schools.
I remember reading an article from a psychologist that tried to figure out why school shooters are the way they are. They said something along the lines of the data not making any sense until they started to consider school shootings to be the same act as a suicide, basically suicide by cop. No one wants to give sympathy to a school shooter but that's what they need, no one who's life is good becomes a school shooter, and if we were just kinder to them beforehand there might not be so many.
It’s so sad that he could have gotten help by anyone very early on. When he got expelled the first time that was a very clear sign that they needed to intervene and help this kid out. He only needed ONE person to stand up for him and empathize. They should’ve re-evaluated and most importantly talked to HIM and get to the bottom of the issue. Mystery girl gives me hope for the world
I constantly think about the fact that if I was a boy and a little bit more outgoing or impulsive, I probably would have sh0t up my school. Most of my life has been spent feeling very alone, even when surrounded by people who called me a friend. I relate to being very “anti- things” and not “pro- things”. I am pro-some things, but when it comes to myself and my life, I only know what I hate, and not what I really like. What I don’t want, not what I want. Always being responsible for my alcoholic father’s emotions and behaviors. Whenever I hear about another mass shooting where the shooter was a “loner type” or had gone through some sort of bullying, harassment, or other isolating experience, I always kind of think, “Yeah…I might have done the same thing. I get it.” It doesn’t make what they do okay or mean that I actually would do something like that, though. I just know that I’ve carried a lot of anger and spite toward the world and humans for a long time, and there’s very few things that make it feel any better.
I am usually a silent watcher of dr K videos, but this one resonated with me. Bullying sucks. And the aftermath also sucks. You are left resentful of those that did you wrong, but you feel stupid because those were kids and dont exist anymore.
Sharing those very dark thoughts is helpful. I've had those thoughts to and not bullied like you! People are mean. But not all people are mean such as that awesome girl that backed you up.
So insightful. There's not anything braver than being honest about identifying with the fringe of society. It's very understandable how you would have the thoughts that you had. Thanks for showing us your humanity.
I really appreciate this conversation. I feel like one of the big issues that leads to school shooters is the extreme failure of our school system. Specifically, I think a combination of the Christian concept of original sin, along with the reductionism of behaviorist psychology led to a kind of disciplinary approach in education where children are treated as if they are fundamentally bad (original sin) and need to be beaten and punished into shape (behaviorism) before they can become half-decent adults. I also think it is extremely difficult for neurodivergent students because the rare moments of humanity are crafted to appeal to the typical person, and the punishments and expectations are also directed towards forcing a way of being that is okay for most people but hell for neurodivergent people. I think gun reform is important, but I think it is so far away from addressing the root of the problem. I really wish people would start to address the hell that school creates for many children and the fact (in my opinion) that our schools are factories for mass shooters (and to a much greater extent, suicide/self-harm victims).
I was bullied 13 - 18 and in that age I felt like my world was over and I too had extreme revenge fantasy and desire. I brought a knife to school and tried to work myself up to use it, but never did because I kept thinking of my family. But it was in my bag every day. Authority/teachers witnessed the bullying but actively looked the other way to not have to deal with it. I blame myself for having gotten that low. But I know logically thinking that school failed me and continues to fail kids. Anti-bullying is not a priority. My experiences continue to haunt me to a degree in adult life, I have definitely not forgiven the people involved. Perhaps in some way I will find a charitable cause related to anti-bullying to partake in. I'm just sharing this because I think bullying is such a huge and important problem that does not get the attention and priority it deserves. Even though I highly doubt that HealthyGamerGG viewers are the people that should be notified... y'all the good guys...
The Healthygamergg community is drawn from people with an interest in psychology and people with an interest in psychology tend to have psychological issues, hehe. (It's a known fact that people that take psychology classes in college are more likely than the general population to have a psychological diagnosis of some kind.) I daresay that a lot of us look on with more than a passing interest and a distanced eye. The thing that hurts me is the knowledge that people that bully ultimately get off scot-free. They aren't punished as kids and they don't punish themselves as adults. I've seen documentaries where people who were savagely bullied track down their tormentors and confront them, civilly, as adults, as part of their own healing process. The shocking thing is that in almost every case, the bullies literally do not remember them. And you can tell they aren't lying; there's a look of unfeigned shock in their eyes when they are confronted, like being told that they bullied someone to the verge of suicide in high school was the wildest, most unbelievable thing that anyone had ever said to them, like accusing them of being Martians hiding among humans. It speaks to the fact that, while the fact of bullying was a soul-crushing, life-destroying event that defined the person who suffered it, for the person doling out the punishment, it was a quotidian commonplace that was so beneath notice that they actually do not even remember that it happened, 20 years after the fact. They don't remember ruining another kid's life for the same reason that they don't remember swatting a fly or stepping on an ant. It's actual psychopath shit -- the ability to do bad things and just not feel badly about it afterwards. It doesn't leave any impression on their psyches at all. There needs to be SOME kind of accountability, even if it's just naming and shaming. Like, honestly, I wanted JC to call out the names of the people that wronged him in high school. Fuck 'em, they have it coming. Because if anyone is just waiting for them to be torn up with guilt...hell is probably going to freeze over, first. Most of them are just laughing all the way to the finish.
@@hv4654Your mistake is in thinking that "justification" even applies. It's not about that. It's about cause and effect. If you travel to an African country where malaria is endemic and a mosquito bites you, infecting you with malaria, is the mosquito "justified" in biting you? Is the parasite that causes malaria, itself, justified? It's an absurd question, one with no sensible answer. Mosquitoes do not care for your moralizing and neither do parasites. It is simply cause and effect. Mosquistoes will do what they must and so will malaria. So, too, with badly damaged people. It's a mechanism, like a mousetrap, that will snap shut, if the mechanism is armed and someone sticks their hand into it. If you don't like it, there is a very simple collective recourse that we all have as society: 1. Do not arm the mechanism by traumatizing people 2. Do not stick your fucking hand into the mousetrap :P (By being the one to actually draw the ire of the volatile individual) Also, if we're being fully intellectually honest, the only reason we're even having these discussions is because society has been terrorized into taking these issues seriously for the first time. There have been modern mass high school shootings since Columbine at least, yet it was not taken seriously for many years. It's only because the violence has scaled up that regular people take issues like bullying seriously. This is logically tantamount to a shocking admission: the violence worked. It is forcing pro-social change that simply would not have happened, otherwise. And that may not represent "justification", but it certainly represents efficacy, if nothing else. And how can you fault a desperate person for doing something that is proven to work?
JC if you’re reading comments I hope you see mine too. Middle school was basically hell. Kids are walking nightmares as they don’t have the world view or experience to know how to treat and be treated. It’s like a weird innocent sadism? Like kids can’t see the bigger or intricate details outside of their own narrow view. Empathy takes time to learn, for some longer and if at all in rare cases. I’m neurodivergent with a lot of anxiety and I went through some similar issues with home life. I was in the closet back then too. I’m so fucking relieved there are kind people out there bc they can and will save you and allow for perspectives in oneself to deepen and make life so so meaningful. ALSO JC. LOVE THE YUGIOH EXAMPLE🔥 Also, I study sociology now in college and loved your observation of hyper individualism in western culture. Yup that a doozie 😵💫
This can be such a hard time in life. How do you help people understand that it will eventually pass. School is hard. This story doesn't sound to far from my own when I was a kid.
Parents need to remember their kids love them by default and that their kids are trying their best. Why are so many parents afraid of their self-image so much that they allow an attack by them onto their child? ("Don't make me look bad"). The Ego
As someone who has experienced being stalked, I felt relief in the policemen in the video expressing a certain boundary with their bodies, and I got scared when you expressed concern about the lack of openess and compassion. With stalking, a compassionate approach is very unlikely to be helpful in protecting the person being stalked (though there is a certain sub-type of stalkers who get more violent with every boundary). You cannot compare lone wolf school shooters and stalkers, also mental health-wise. Policement are not psychiatrists. Somebody walked into their door with a camera in their hand talking about chasing after a woman. I think they did a good job at letting him finish his story. I cannot imagine any other response that would have been more helpful. Please learn more about how insidious stalking can be, and how much people who stalk can use both victims' and community values of compassion against them. This was not an "incel" video. This was about someone repetitively not respecting boundaries, feeling justified in that, and you discuss them needing to be met with more compassion. The fact that your interviewee's bullies also called him a stalker has absolutely nothing to do with this video. People who are being stalked need to know that there is a time for compassion, and there is a time for boundaries, and that it is okay to set boundaries. True compassion is fully compatible with boundaries.
Really interesting conversation and really brave for this guy to talk openly about his experience. I hope a lot of people see this. What I took from this conversation was that we all need to do our best to be more supportive of others and if we see someone that is struggling to try and have their back. No one would bully people if we didn't let it happen. Like they say treat others how you want to be treated.
I know he had thoughts about awful stuff, and was ready to go through with it. This guy's life story is literally something you could make a movie out of, there is so much emotion running through me just watching this. This guy deserves the world for how he's been able to put up with this, this video alone has 'rocked' MY world view. It's so inspiring and motivating for me to see someone like this get out alive and ok. Usually a lot of people are just going to go "oh my problems are nothing" but it just makes me feel more proud and lucky for what I have. Like genuinely, keep slaying king.
As someone who has experienced bullying in some form for a long part of my life i can deeply relate to some of JC's experiences. Thank god my teachers atleast tried to solve the problems in some ways. (Granted none of it worked but atleast it didn't make anything worse) I'm very happy not to have grown up in JC's situation, one of the teachers that i had actually showed me alot of understanding after i had punched one of my classmates (after not that much provocation to be honest) after learning that i got bullied at my previous school. Because why shouldn't you feel anger, it is straight up sick to expect a very young child to be more stoic in the face of adversity. Especially if that adversity leaves him completed isolated from his peers.
I haven't seen it but im glad nobody is condemning him for his dark thoughts. We should be open to this conversation more. The school system is failing so many children leading them down this path.
Thank you for sharing this interview...as a Mother of a 27 & 19 year olds... who have gone thru very similar circumstances with the School System and he has some very valid solutions
What I learned from this is that every kid needs to be seen and heard by others and responsible adults. Problems at home can easily escalate to a big problem outside the home, even becoming school shooter levels of troubled if left unchecked. I was bullied every year of school from K-12 in the US and honestly it makes me feel so sad for the amount of people who had to hurt just as bad as I did. It's even harder to hear that some folks considered hurting others because it was so bad and they wanted it all to end or seek revenge. If any of you have been bullied or hurt by others in the way this man shared with us, I'm sorry for how others treated you. You didn't deserve that.
I think him coming forward and being honest with his struggles and feeling is very brave and important. It helps us to understand these people more so we can address them issue before anything happens. And to help them. and also shows others who may be feeling the same, that there is a way to get help and that it doesn’t have to end in the violence they plan and that it’s okay to talk about these things with someone to resolve the issues that are going on.
What a beautiful interview and I’m so grateful for JC for having the willingness to share this experience AND how he was able to turn away from a tragedy. I hope parts of this video can get spliced into short form to entice those who may be considering violence to watch more of the video. I love how JC talks about responsibility with our society being on a sliding scale.
Huge respect for JC for being so open about his experiences and thought processes. Unless I've missed it, there's no mention of autism in this conversation which I think is pretty interesting. I'm a late diagnosed autistic and I recognise an awful lot of KC's thought processes as being similar to my own...the "IQing" your way through social situations (specifically doing so retrospectively) rather than instinctively understanding them is very familiar. An autistic child who is emotionally unsupported at home, who is bullied at school, who is then emotionally unsupported by teachers is an extremely distressed child whose brain is at breaking point just trying to understand how to survive. Whilst any child in that situation would be distressed, an autistic child is likely to be more so.
Social awkwardness is not the sole preserve of autism. JC is older and only peripherally had social media, but the generation coming up now is fully, natively immersed in it, and they have the scars to prove it. Friendlessness among young people has exploded and many of them are awkward because they just haven't logged enough face time with humans. I think this is only going to become more common, but it isn't necessarily correlated to autism or to any diagnosable condition. It's just the product of changing social circumstances.
I was bullied through elementary and middle school and now as a 21 year old man I still hold on to it a little bit I started wrestling, boxing and jiu jitsu so I could physically hurt them but in the long run it ended up helping me with most of the emotional problems all together
when he said the teacher just said your making excuses for him trying to explain that he did nothing wrong brought back so serious memories hated that shit.
I was relentlessly bullied for being skinny and for not fitting in after dropping into the 4th grade from another school as my family switched towns. The school was against me, classmates were against me, teachers didn't help and my parents didn't know how to handle it and told me to ignore it. Ignore it I did for 4 whole years and by the end of it I was ready to go on a stabbing spree. Luckily it ended before I reached my breaking point, but I ended up being a shut-in, resentful of people. I have no problems socializing and making friends now, I'm generally calm and extremely introverted, but I hold humanity in extreme contempt and one of my fondest memories is when I found out one of my tormentors died of drug overdose. It still makes me smile and I have no sympathy for any of them. I blame society for this because nobody takes accountability for any wrongdoing until the point where it's too late. I also find it easier to empathize with school shooters who were bullied into taking it out on everyone else. The education system and their peers fail them.
When Dr K was asking JC what kids like him needed in that moment, I wanted to say “they need to be loved”. It’s as simple as that. People need to be able to stand up for themselves and have meaningful psychologically safe lives
While true, it is not as easy as it sounds. Because I am very much sure that his dad, the firefigther, whole-heartedly believed that he loved his son to his uttmost ability and that he was doing everything he could for him. The definition of what "love" is, is very different for people and it's often hard to understand people who have a different definition.
As someone who definitely loves her child who was bullied much like JC, I hope my love helped but unfortunately he needed something more. He needed to be able to go to a school where teachers actually protect kids who are being bullied. They need to feel safe. Love is great but if you don’t feel safe 5 days a week there’s gonna be repercussions.
First of all, I just want to express my eternal gratitude to JC for his strength and willingness to openly share his life experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. I particularly loved when JC brings up his idea about how Americans (although not Americans exclusively) idiologies have become "overly individualistic." I think that has A LOT to do with some of the biggest issues our society is currently plagued with. I found this conversation is incredibly fascinating. I also appreciate Dr. K for kind of pushing some of the questions that are harder to answer (not that any clear answer exists) and his skill to guide the conversation in such an exploratory way. So again, a big thank you to both of you for opening this community discussion and sharing your perspectives.
i guess thats how you get back at bullies, and at life. you dont get rid of bullies by killing them, new ones will prop up, you could create even more victims of bullying. you take your vengeance of bullying by living, and helping them never become bullies, or helping victims of bullying out of their situation. you keep fighting and entrust the next generation to give meaning to your life, your suffering.
Dr. K, you are a hero dude. Truly an S-Tier human. You're doing such important work and you're doing it simply because you want to help others. You just get it, man. Watching these videos is like a hard-counter to my existential dread. Thank you for all you do!
Both me and my wife was bullied at school, my oldest kid will start school after this summer, i am prepared to stand on her side if anything happens to her..
I love how he starts every interview just asking what people go by. I know therapists will obviously try to build rapport and match tempo with their clients but it feels rare to have them lead with such a warm question.
This is inspiring. You can unknowingly prevent a massacre just by being nice to someone. For the purpose of saving lives, everyone needs to watch this.
"Toughen up", "Don't let them bother you", "If you don't give them what they want then they won't pick on you", "If you let them bully you, they'll think your a mark and do it again", "Why didn't you move?", "Why didn't you say something?", "Why didn't you ask for help?" All of these things are things I and many people who are victims of bullying hear. The onus is always on the victim. Soon you start believing it really must be your fault you are being bullied and that maybe there IS something wrong with you; that the bullies were right.
Agreed, it's mind boggling! It shows a serious lack of empathy/sympathy in society. I think people forget the victim has feelings at all because all they see is a "pushover letting it happen", when there's so much more under the hood. God forbid we be kind, respectful and accepting of strangers!
To be fair tho, you can’t expect a mean person to do the right thing and not be mean. I think you should be accountable for how you react as a victim. The aggressor will be the aggressor and honestly you can’t change that. It is your job as a human being to stand up for yourself in a productive manner. That is why the onus is on the victim, because you cannot logically trust the perpetrator to do the right thing (as evidenced by them starting off the issue with their wrongful actions).
I liked that garage sound at 1:56:50. Don't judge me but it reminds me of growing up in the 1960s, being a Boomer full of confidence, eating sandwiches with tomatoes and freshly ground black pepper, and having a specific outlook on life where everything can be solved, where you just need to spread kindness in the world.
