Tell your kids up front that they have to pay for their own education. That is much kinder and less damaging to the parent-child relationship than taking on a bunch of debt you have no intention of fulfilling and then guilt-tripping your child for decades.
Agree -- mine didn't have to say it in so many words; I knew they didn't have a dime to contribute to my college. So I took the initiative to get scholarships, etc., whatever it took to pay my own way. Looking back, I'm glad I went that route. So many of my fellow students had parents who were footing the bill for school, and constantly threatening to yank their tuition, cut them off, etc., if they chose the "wrong" major, hung out with people they didn't like or didn't keep their grades up. Mine didn't do that, because they had nothing invested - not financially, anyway. Emotionally? Story for another time...
My parents were going to make me pay half. I investigated options and chose not go. For me, it was a good decision. I am better off financially than a lot of my friends with a degree.
It is hard to gain compliance with a 6-year-old, Be a good boy and do right, you're going to college. I chose a university at 10, and studied every day, (1450 SAT Minimum, top 1%, 3.80 GPA minimum) obtained a tuition and fees scholarship at 16, Partied my Sr. year. Highest median starting Salary from a public institution in the USA. My Japanese mother said, " America is the greatest country in the world because anyone who wants to go to college, can do so for FREE." ALL my siblings have FREE college educations.
@Clean and Organized Home That's great. I am referring to people who are financially or otherwise unable to bear the cost of their child's higher education, but feel pressured/obliged to do so. Generally speaking, a parent's duty to their child's education extends through high school (middle school in some countries). One of the reasons society is so off balance right now is because parents and children collectively take on lifelong debt to fund a higher education adventure they cannot afford, and often don't utilize later in life.
I promise the Mom spent YEARS at her church every Sunday bragging to anyone that would listen about how she was sending her child to college. Now she gets to pay for those bragging rights!
@@georgewagner7787 Actually they may not have. With Parent Plus Loans they can be paid to the parent instead of directly to the school and a lot of schools are not set up to take direct payments from the lender.
The Sunday car used to be common. People saved the nicer car to impress people at a place of communion aka the church. Doesn't mean it was smart, but it was a thing.
High-earning parent didn’t save for his education and they both borrowed up to their eyeballs instead. Now she guilt trips him? She wants the loan “back” in his name? When was it ever in his name? Talk about a travel agent for guilt trips . . .
Parent Plus Loans are in the Mom's name. Only way she can get out is of she gets another loan, pays off the Plus, and get's the new loan in her daughters name. NO, don't take the plus loan over, Mom took it out and is not a reasonable adult. You owe nothing legally to the plus loan. I like Dave's idea of matching (which you can do, anyone can cut a check to the loan), and how it should come with some strings. Parents mean well, but this mom is toxic now that she has this leverage against her daughter.
@@TimeisUp22 They can lie about anything. What's your point? If they say they debt free ask for a screen shot. 9/10 they going to tell you they have debt they might not say how much but they will most likely say yes. 80% of Americans are in debt so most going to either say yes or not answer.
Maybe they can consider paying the principal. Not sure how much that way, but either way it sucks. It would have been nice to know sooner that their parent expected them to take on the loan so they could adjust their lifestyle accordingly.
I work in the student loan industry and a lot of people sincerely don’t know what they are getting themselves into. Also learned not to co-sign unless you intend on paying the bill. It breaks a lot of relationships
That's quite admirable, but would never expect my kid to pay for her own school. I'm a good Dad and provider. I know the possible disadvantage she would endure if I didn't. Being a parent does not end at 18. Why did you even have kids?
I so agree a parent plus loan is just that. The parent should take it out as a parent with the intentions of paying it back themselves. She is irresponsible with her money so no help. If mom was more responsible then maybe help would be warranted
I took out a 30k student loan for my daughter with the intentions of earning my salary at minimum of 300k plus not including entrepreneurship and founder income these combined are more than enough to pay back my student loans and my parent plus loan.
I dunno. That paper was written from the child’s perspective. There might be more to the situation than was stated and now Dave is giving advice that the writer will follow without knowing the entire story. There’s always two sides. I think there’s more to unpack before jumping to conclusions.
@@jefferythomas7038 aww it is appreciated Jeffery. Thank you. But I feel obligated to tell u that this pic is about 10 years old, before I had a child, 20 lbs lighter, and I think it had a filter on it because I had an android at the time and I didn’t know all the pics I was taking were filtered. But thanks! Lol I should change my pic, but I’m not sure how…I’ll figure it out
I'd first want to check to make sure the kid actually received all the money and it wasn't plundered by the parent. Still wouldn't put it under the kid's name though.
It’s absolute garbage when parents with the means to save for their kids college do not save for their kids college. Then they push their kids into college by taking out a parent plus loan and then put guilt trips on their kids to pay it back. Total garbage, not the kids responsibility ever
Same daughter will call back in a few years complaining that the mom passed away and didn't leave an inheritance! Instead left her stuff to her dog instead of ungrateful kid!
The answer depends on what happened before taking out the loan. Did you ask them to take this loan out for you? Or did they say they are sending you to college and take the loan out themselves
Agree with Dave but add one item. The daughter needs access to the account so she can confirm the payment was made. When my daughter when to college there were some loans in my name. These were for me to pay, not my daughter.
It’s not the child’s responsibility especially if the parent forced the child to go to college when she/he didn’t want to go and eventually dropped out. This happens way too commonly. Different story though if the child asked the parent to take the loan out and promised to pay it back. Even then the parent is still legally obligated to pay it so it’s a sticky situation to be in. Moral of the story: don’t take out loans for other people in your name no matter how much you love them.
The daughter is talking about how bad her moms spending habits are but I'm sure the daughter has some bad spending habits too. Next time, tell your child to go to community College, if they don't want to go there, they sign their own loans or work for it. Just an unfortunate situation.
I do agree with the point she made at the end. Most 18 year olds cannot understand well enough what it represents to get involved in a long-term loan with a family member and the troubles that can occur in the future. College fund with scholarships is the way to make college possible even in Canada, otherwise it should be a personnal student loan where the kid needs to understand they are most likely going to pay everything on their own and can't expect for the parents to help much. Parents plus loans and unclear expectations is a recipe for disaster.
Is a church car something like a weekend car? Like many people, I've got a sports car that I drive only in nice weather. Otherwise it stays in the garage. I love it but it would be foolish to use it as an everyday drive. Also, I can afford it and don't owe $100k in student loans.
@@georgewagner7787 When my license got suspended for a year, it was still only 1,200 for the year. Probably look into a new provider, most dont care about giving you a deal endless its cutting someone else's deal
If I was making 143k, I would ask for her log in info and make direct payments to the loan servicer for principal only. 17 years of interest falls on her.
Dude makes 140k and he doesn’t want to help is MOTHER pay back HIS student loan that he wouldn’t have been able to qualify for without her? I hope my sons don’t grow up to be this entitled
No. If she wanted to help her as an NP she should've paid her way thru school so she'd have no loans. She had the money. Dave gave good advice . Some of these parents sabatoging their kids
Dave gave contradictory advice when a mom purchased a car for her son and told him she would make the payments. Yet later on the mom didn’t want to pay, Dave told her to make the son pay or give the car back.
This scenario doesn't take any what ifs into consideration. I know someone who signed for a loan but didn't have internet. Asked the kid if they'd make good on the loan after college. Thought that was it. Please be understanding.
Dave lots of people have church cars. Every time I go to buy a used car most car lots have that car that was never driven except on Sunday morning to church by a little old lady.
I have never understood why parents feel they need to pay their childrens college / University, if they want to go then they pay / or student loans. its simple
Mom took out the loan, Mom chose to not pay and let the interest and balance balloon up, it's all on Mom. Sounds like she's the kind of person that has no problem borrowing, but hates to pay for anything.
Christina is way, way off here making excuses for the so called 18-year old child here Mature enough to make decisions on college, mature enough to start paying it off!
No that’s not right she helped him finish school. He should definitely pay. Have you all lost your minds? She didn’t have to help him. She didn’t have to get the parent plus loan. My family helped me and I WILL BE the one responsible not them. Not their degree. Mine, therefore I am not relying on them to pay it.
I disagree with Dave here. The child should pay that back. The mom did not sign up for that loan thinking that she would be footing the bill at the end of the day. And whether the son/daughter was mature enough to “make that decision” is irrelevant. They are mature enough now to see the situation as it is. And despite the mother’s irresponsible behavior, she never would’ve taken out that loan had she not been swayed by her son/daughter to do so. The child is complicit in this. The child is benefiting from it. The child should pay it back.
Since this son wasn't aware of Mom's after-the -fact retractive decision, he could tell her that when she' paid off all but the original loan amount (@ 5%-6% 100k seems like an initial 56k-60k) which this son could begin to accrue in a separate account. If she decides to radically change and in 10 years, pays it down, he would be able to pay the original amount he was misled to think he owed, say 50K, with his income growth and his conscience would be clear.
I think the daughter should pay for it bc at the end of the day the $100k was used for her education. It sucks that the mom changed her mind about paying for it though. That’s why i wouldn’t allow my parents to take out a loan for me.
So, did they have the conversation or not about what the agreement was? The way it was written, i could see the perspective of her taking the loans out and telling the kid, “I’m doing this so you can go to school and you need to pay these back”. And the kid thinking, “well you didn’t really ask me so it’s not an agreement we made.” On the other hand, I can see it the other way where it was never talked about and now she’s coming after the son because she can’t afford her lifestyle. The lesson: don’t do this. If you’re the parent, don’t offer and if your the child, don’t accept this bad offer. We’re about to see a real problems with more senior citizens living in poverty and having their SS wages garnished for these parent plus loans. It’s not worth it. 😢
I have zero sympathy for this person's mother. I help my parents with the Parent Plus loans that they took out for me, but they never once guilted me into it.
This mom sound financially irresponsible. However she's allowed to waste her money on luxury cars. This young man is only able to command 140k a year due to his education. He should pay the loan back or at least pay the principal plus the interest that's owed if the loan was paid consistently
I wonder if that loan even went towards his education or did she spend it on other things? If it was used towards his education, he should at least pay the original balance off, minus any penalties or interest it accrued since she ignored it for so long.
It's not in his name, it's not his responsibility, and would be enabling his mom's terrible spending habits. I agree with Dave he should match her dollar for dollar but not take it all on
