'Pissed My Wife Off.. Now She Wants Me to Do Everything!' -- Reddit Story 

He was LOOKING for her to fail. After ALL those years together, she paid it off ALONE, all her money then went to the house and the family after they got married, and she never made a mistake. The second he sees something he can't explain? He snapped without asking for an explanation. He's been waiting and WANTING her to fail and he finally got the chance to take her down. He jumped at the opportunity to "put her in her place". This is NOT okay. He's beyond controlling and it's messed up. She needs to leave this man. He clearly does not respect his wife and he pretty much says what she's worth is what he decides she's worth.

When he said “I can’t handle all this. I didn’t even know it was my kids birthday”, it made me so angry cause she has been doing all of this and obviously he hardly noticed she was doing all this. She’s also having to do all the mental labour of remembering birthdays etc

this woman is also a boss, her response was perfect! Petty enough to return all those items just to make the point of how much an a$$hole he was being, and staying calm cool and collected the whole way, i don't think I have the patience to not blow up at him or to return those all those items lol amazing

The thing that was missing from their conversation was also how trash he is for asking how to fix it. He isnt concerned about being wrong. He just wants her to keep carrying the mental load of the responsibilities in their household. He doesn’t deserve her

The fact that he thought she *relapsed* as if it was a shopping addiction rather than the cycle of poverty that go her into debt the first time is also an incredibly toxic mentality. How dare she spend money on more than the bare minimum

She literally pays their mortgage and other incidentals with her VA and cleaning gigs. What the heck does he spend HIS money on? There is no way that the day to day bills cost more than everything SHE is paying for.

He sounds financially abusive. She probably has nothing to her name, no credit, nothing.

So she can’t justify buying stuff for herself but is an addict? 🤨 Sounds more like someone who is financially responsible. Also $600 for bday presents, haircuts, and Christmas is fantastic budgeting. She covered months of shopping!

The fact that she did the birthday shopping, holiday shopping for the family, the theatre and haircut charges plus the grocery store bills WITHIN $600, is MAD impressive. Meanwhile he’s forgetting his kids’ birthdays. They’re twins, they share one birthday! Really?!

Honestly the worst part is that he doesn't want forgiveness because he understands that he hurt his lady, but rather, because he can't own up to responsibilities that come with being a father. Such an asshole.

Sorry not to blow things out proportion but it sounds like OP’s wife doesn’t have her own credit card and thus not building her own credit, she spends everything she makes on the family and doesn’t seem like she has anything to her name…he seems very controlling (at least financially). I’m sorry but lack of financial independence/savings is one of reasons why women often stay in abusive relationships and I’m not saying this is case here but red flags🚩all around!

He admits she pays the entire house payment every month with her whole check and has some spending money, but it’s his card and she is “authorized” to use it. He has control issues, he deserves everything his wife did in the end

I'm surprised that no one suggested she get her own goddamn credit card. Omg, poor woman is in a financially abusive relationship. "She hardly spends money on herself... I'm worried she relapsed into shopping again" does he not see the f*cking contradiction in that statement. He honestly just sounds like a control freak that can't stand not being able to authorize what the money can or cannot be spent on.

It seems like he just enjoys holding this "mistake" over her head. He has waited for her to "slip up" for years so that he has something to bite of her head over, like a "Yes I was wright! I knew you would go back to your old ways". Just a complete a**hole, and I agree with everyone she deserves so much better.

$600 across Walmart, Amazon, movie theater, and salon is fucking nothing for a mom during kid's birthdays and holidays.

A few years ago, my friend took out several credit cards and maxed them all out in a matter of months. Why? Because her family home flooded and they wouldn't have been able to re-establish their lives without them. Credit card debt does not automatically mean you're a shopaholic.

If it is 5 years ago, and she cleared it on her own, WHY IS HE BRINGING IT UP?!🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨 Also, if he himself said that she has been exemplary all along, then his reaction is completely unwarranted. I SUPPORT that she returned it all, we STAN A QUEEN. 👑 Now he doesn't wanna do his duties (pretty sure she does everything in the house tbh) as a husband, forgets his kids' birthdays etc PLEASE. Even if she spent it on her own stuff, please, lashing out at her? BOY BYE.

the fact that he's not sorry just wants to go back to being an absent parent to HIS kids is really what pisses me off EDIT: i caught his possessive thing with the credit card too! like you've been married for years how is it just YOUR credit card. plus she pays the mortgage, she watches the kids, she deals with school stuff, she buys ALL Christmas/birthday gifts. What does he do? Work one job?! The entitlement.

9k in debt? Um... Who isn't? I have that easy just from a few hospital bills.

He sounds like he is just not there for them at all. He's not even just a paycheck. In another comments it said the wife was getting disability from a sexual assault that happened during her time in the military and he doesn't like to talk about it. Dear God I hope she leaves him because he just dismisses her hard work by calling her a SAHM when she clearly has a job. And then to go home and continue there.

He forgot his own kid’s birthday and he had the audacity to assume she’d relapsed… the audacity of this man

Maybe I misunderstood something bc no one is mentioning this but... he said she paid of the debt 5 years ago (over the course of 1 year & 2 months) and their children are 6 years old. Did she do all that while pregnant/ caring for TWO infants??? Like with all the stresses of pregancy, labour, being freshly post-partum, breastfeeding ect ect??

Her response was how abuse victims jab at their abusers. If you retaliate in a calm way it's easier to navigate forward. She knows he's useless and this is her way of indirectly "punishing" him. He doesn't realize that. She is most likely staying with him for the kids sake and wants out. I've seen this dynamic before, but never from the abusers perspective. He probably thinks because it isn't physical that it isn't abuse. She for sure has a secret safety fund and lies about her side hussle income. She also probably prioritized all her income to paying off the mortgage so he can't take the house. She's playing chess and he's playing uno. Wouldn't surprise me if she had a secret credit card too. All those gift cards are spite gifts from others because they know he's a pos. He can't control gift cards. It's all so intricately laid out for him and he has no idea. She's stuck but she has a plan. She's smart. It's probably why she still is conservative with money. She's making a nest fund. It also wouldn't surprise me if he hits her. Abusers wouldn't admit to doing that online.

you should never "lay into" your partner. EVER. Especially when you haven't even asked for an explanation. this was emotional and financial abuse on his part and I hope those children still have a magical birthday and Christmas since he can't even remember when their birthday was.

Wait a damn minute he forgot when his kids’ birthdays were??? Oh my god

Love this woman. This is the level of calm response I aspire to. She gave him everything he wished for. It was very disrespectful for him to judge her and flip out. If he realized later what the expenses were for, means he didn't even ASK. Mega controlling AH and he deserves what's coming.

Morgan, your comment about her previous debt possibly being to support her to live such as food and/or other necessities really hit home for me. Recently, I’ve been going through something similar to this and have beating myself up pretty bad about going into debt. I am working my way to get out of my situation, but for the time being I feel a little better. I didn’t know I needed to hear someone say that, thank you.

If the wife made goodie bags from the dollar store look expensive, she absolutely is a supermom and was very creative for making something good for her kids and their class

I’m so glad she was able to pay off her debt by herself! No telling what the conversation could have been if she allowed him to help her pay it off. He definitely would have thrown it back in her face!

This reminds of when my boyfriend said I look pregnant in a dress I had just purchased and should change before going to see his parents so I was like “dear god maybe,” and he went out and grabbed a pregnancy test while I was on my period. Never seen that man look so pale in my life. Needless to say he never made that comment again.

The way he describes how she doesn’t want to get herself anything makes me think she used that 9k to survive

yall its worse when someone mentiones her disability he mentioned she was SAed and she goes to therapy for it but they don't want to talk abt it cause HE DOESNT LIKE IT

She had 9k debt when they met. If he thought $600 was a relapse then he’s the one that needs an evaluation

“I don’t trust my veteran, responsible wife despite half a decade of being fiscally exemplary after getting herself out credit card debt she got into after surviving poverty.”

it also shows how privileged he is to think that $9000 is insane debt for a poor person and thinks she has "a problem" and "relapsed". she was probably just surviving. He's crazy and controlling.

if you are on VA money, you know that's not enough.... This woman is stretching her money so far out and the husband is being selfish person. She deserves better!

What about the mental load? Not only is this badass lady, making it happen on budget, but she’s sorting out all the administrative aspects of their life, prepping for events, birthdays, everyday errands which is very time consuming. Not only did he not trust her with money, he has no idea the extent to which she makes their shared life easier, when he can’t even remember their kids birthday. Now he can’t handle all the stuff she’s been managing without him even appreciating it, and that’s what makes him regret being an asshole.

I grew up poor and ultimately accumulated debt but I'm also incredibly thrifty as a result. My partner has never struggled with money but is terrible with money. OP sounds incredibly disconnected with their lives. Absolutely clueless by the sounds of it. I have nothing but respect for his wife and how she handled things. I would have done the same.

He’s financially abusive. Explodes at her and doesn’t even ask her what the charges were for he just accuses her. She sounds like a victim of financial abuse. SHE PAYS THE MORTGAGE and he still yells at her Over 600. He needs to treat his wife better or That women needs to leave his ass.

Dude better step up. He didn't remember his kids birthdays? He's an absentee father and a terrible husband.

“I guess I’ve never really let myself trust her with money.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩

If anything, he should be more trustworthy with her when it comes to finances just based on how hard she worked BY HERSELF to get her finances in order.

Wait 600 for all of that and she was done with the Christmas shopping early. Yeah he fucked up huge!!!

“How do i fix this” maybe pay attention to your wife at all. Maybe if you asked your wife what she did today you could have learned that she went Christmas shopping.

Does he not know his family or something? Why would she spend money at places like GameStop if it wasn’t for their kids??

He said he didn't forget the kids birthday but he also didn't even notice they got haircuts?!?

One thing I’ve noticed about some men is that they like to be willfully ignorant so their partners don’t ask them to do anything for themselves. It’s basically the cowards way to get out of responsibilities and I’m guessing that’s what this guy was doing with the Amazon list.

Just want to say that this is my favourite podcast ever! I love the different point of views so much so that I bring up these stories with my partner to see his point of view and how we would handle the different situation or problems. Super helpful! Love from Nz xx

This lady got the 9k of debt in control in 14 months. I’ve been dealing with mine for years. I was making $9.00 per hour and living on my own. I needed food, and dishes. Plus gas. That’s not being a shopaholic.

its mind blowing to me that even after she admitted her "mistake" he laid into her EVEN MORE instead of being grateful that she was honest

To not even ask what the charges are for.

shes such a great woman,imagine 600 for all that? and he complain without knowing what she actually did with the money?? thank you god for giving me such a good husband..i hope someone find hes wife.i feel bad for her.

This is why I will never merge my account with a future partner. We will have financial independence from each other and just divvy up the costs and share these responsibilities.

Literally before the story finished I already knew KNEW he was JUST WAITING for her to fail. This whole time he wanted to just go off on her this whole time.

$600 is absolutely nothing I can spend that in a week. His reaction is crazy. And to take a year to pay her debt off all by HERSELF and not take any help from him that alone showed responsibility. And listing to the comments this man left it sounds like she was not irresponsible before. It sounds like she was just living off her credit card. I agree with what was said. Lady please run from this guy!!!!

An old school stay at home mom trick: keep all the change from grocery shopping!

Even if her credit card was just shopping purchases so what??! Coming from property, you’re young and have money on a card you don’t understand all of a sudden I’d go crazy too. Point is she got her shit together and paid off her debt HERSELF!

Kid haircuts in the Midwest start off at like $15. Depends on the state. And she probably is really good at getting a bargain since she is kinda in control of the finances. Since she takes care of the bills and shopping. He’s just an ass.

My husband is in charge of our budget. Just this morning he asked what the balance was on my credit card (we recently paid it down after years of debt). It’s getting higher than we’d like. His response to the balance? “Okay cool. I’ll add it to the budget. Keep an eye on your spending to Be careful it doesn’t get too high again” that’s it. He didn’t even ask what it was spent on.

I would reconsider this relationship. He obviously doesn’t trust her so why should she stay in a relationship with no trust.

Good for her! So smart. He sounds like a controlling and judgemental jerk.

He was wrong. Knowing that she was so vigilant in correcting her past and she kept it up after so much years of marriage he should have calmly asked her what’s with all the charges and he would have gotten an answer. Let’s see how he deals with the responsible now

I wouldn't be surprised she's paying the mortgage as a future safety net

I'm genuinely confused.... She had some financial issues PRIOR to their relationship. Got her own shit together and out of debt and is doing well financially. And SHE PAYS the house bills and everything. But he feels the need to even question her? Did I miss something? He's living off her! Who the hell is he to say shit??

If she was up front about her finances and cleaned it up without help then I would not be casually saying she is a spending addict. That is an excuse to be controlling. She made the right choice, no point to fight it . If he wants to make it work then he needs to pick up after the mess that he made.

She only spent $600 dollars and he was saying those things is horrible,he could have just asked. And she is a mom that takes care of the kids and groceries not to mention cleaning places and because of the VA stuff she probably carries some of the bills ,so what is it was 600 dollars she deserved a day off and kept calm and proved a point and didn't act like a child unlike the husband . She derservers better.

So they share an Amazon account and he didnt see what she perchaces before accusing her even so in a healthy relationship you would calmly ask your spouse " Hi dear I noticed some money came off the credit card is there something going on I forgot about?" Yeah he shouldnt have forgotten his kids birthdays but things happen sometimes but the key is find out what the money is for calmly before going off on on someone you love. Me and my husband discuss every perchase because at the moment every last cent is accounted for in the budget for the next two months while we are paying off a car but we came to an agreement about that.

Something that really stood out for me was his comment about how “she has her own spending money.” As if he truly expected her to use what little she has 100% on the family. The women is expected to use all of what she has and then she can dip into “his.”

Also she wasn't spending ANYTHING on her self, all her money was going towards the mortgage. She had no freedom.

His wife isn't mad that he brought it up with her. She's upset because of his complete lack of trust, and him immediately yelling at her and jumping to conclusions. He should've just asked first before accusing her of anything.

Damn, 3 videos in 1 day? Not even a whole hour apart, keep up the great work 😁

He abuses her (economically at least) and don't want to apologies, he doesn't want to do all that work by himself...

lol Justin's reactions are the best the episode

He should apologize, do the shopping himself this year, and give her financial freedom. There’s no way for him to fully understand everything she does for him without doing it himself.

There's no way she was ever a spending addict, not if she cleaned it up in 14mo and never "relapsed" 😮‍💨 it seems like he chose a girl in poverty hoping to save her and reap the power imbalance, and when she refused to let him pay off her debt he still found a way to enforce the power imbalance emotionally.

I feel like this was some kind of breaking point. Yes, her reaction is warranted for the way he treated her even in this one situation, but it still makes me think that he hasn’t been treating her like an equal responsible partner. They need counselling, or perhaps, HE needs counselling. Edit: just leave him. Just. Leave. Him.

How do you forget your kids birthday it’s not like they’re on two different days… this is really embarrassing. She really is a boss for returning all the stuff and making him do it💀💀

At this point that guy is just trying to justify himself. He is toxic! She’s not an addict, he is so selfish.

This is why I’m glad my husband and I have the same spending habits and the same views on money. We are lucky that we have never fought over money

Just from context alone you can tell he expects his wife to also be his mother. It's okay to assign responsibilities, but the fact that she was doing everything for the kids' events shows that he thinks she should be handling all the parenting.

It’s called financial abuse.

I woul advice her to put together a huge bill with all the hours thet she has worked at the house, as a cleaning woman, a nanny, an assistant... charge him with whatever the mimimum wage per hour is over there, my guess is that even if they split the total in two (they are also her kids and her house, to be fair), he would not say the words "stay at home mom" ever again.

If you notice to the original post on Reddit was removed. 🙄. Sounds like someone didn't like the reality and Truth he was given

I was going to ask how is it possible to rack up 9k in debt with just essentials but I guess if you have little to no income rent would add on at least half a grand. Which makes it more impressive her debt wasn't more if that's the case AND that she was in the situation for a year at most then fixed it.

This is so triggering to me. My mom couldn't divorce my dad because of financial dependency and on top of that she's an emigrant. She comes from poverty and she doesn't like to spend money on herself because she'll feel guilty. This hurts my soul on so many levels.

How do you forgot your kid's birthday. If you had several and they where close together then getting mixed up on who's is when then sure. Forgetting the exact date sure But to forget completely. Like not even knowing if it's this month or next month. That's ridiculous. And you only have two kids. WHO ARE TWINS! They have the same birthday!

Hubby should bear this burden for a while. He needs to understand what it takes to run a household with kids and how hard it is. He sounds like a control freak who needs to learn a lesson.

They should set an upper limit together on shopping so that if there is a purchase(s) that one of them wants to make and it exceeds that limit, they have to chat with the other person before they make the purchase so that there are no big surprises.

Here from the Facebook reels 🤣🤣 had to hear the rest

Me with 40grand debt from undergrad like 👁👄👁

"She has a difficult time buying something for herself," because she is financially abused... I have a difficult time buying things for myself, to the point where my husband becomes irritated with me. This is a result of my first marriage and the abuse I endured during it. When I asked for money to buy something for myself or my children, my ex-husband would start screaming at me, and it would frequently become physical. Most of the time, he wouldn't let me have money unless he hit me, at which point he "felt bad" and gave me the money I needed. As a result, I had to pick and choose my battles. It was far more important for my children to have what they needed, such as food, diapers, and clothing, than it was for me to have anything. Even if it was a necessity, I could always do without. I've carried that with me throughout my life, no matter how hard I try. I'm getting better at it, but it's still difficult for me to buy something for myself.

My grandma called it her egg money. She lives on a farm, so she would sell extra eggs. She always had a few dollars to send me into the store with to pick out a small toy or candy.

If she was an addict, the money she makes would have never touched him. It wouldn't have been used to contribute to the mortgage but spent on other things. He has zero respect and trust. The reason he thinks he is the asshole isn't because he hurt his wife but because he has the 'mommy duties' now.

she literally pays for everything and she takes care of her kids alone, she might as a well be a single mom. And the fact that he treats her like a drug addict and doesn’t trust her right after she paid off that 9k debt in 14 months with no help at all. DIVORCE

"her family buys her gift cards so she has to spend it on herself" more like you can't monitor giftcards...we need to find this woman!

She pays mortage 1000 dollars and questions 600 dollars credit card charges?

Why do they only have a credit card for him that could be bad in terms of her rebuilding her credit. She is making her own money too so she's not even dependent. Also why does he keep needing to check their credit score

He has been full of controlling contempt waiting to scold her. He didn’t even ask, just yelled at her. She is pulling her weight and taking care of her family. She is a veteran, pays the mortgage, paid off all of her debt and works. Super mom! She made a point for him to see everything shes done completed months in advance. How ignorant, lazy & disconnected that He even forgot his twins’ birthdays! He needs to man up, pull his weight & wait for her to forgive him, if she ever does. She can do better & deserves someone to work with in their future. He assumes shes an addict over $9k that she corrected from her past? He’s over reacting in anger. She needs to Run !

This dude sounds so abusive and controlling. He never trusted her to begin with… and he was literally waiting for her to make a “mistake” so he could just hold it over her head. I also hate how he said “relapse”… anyone could get into debt, that doesn’t mean that they’re shopping addicts…

You can tell he doesn’t actually know her as a person (or his kids apparently). He just assumes everything about her, hence the snapping without even asking what her spending was for. If he just asked he would have known it was for his kids and he wouldn’t have felt the need to blow up. Seems like he’s been holding onto a grudge this whole time, maybe even for something we don’t know about, and thought this was the perfect time to seem like the “better” person.