Portal Cake Recipe 

I tried baking this cake, and let me tell you, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. Tasted like fish. I think it was the rhubarb.

"And sediment shaped sediment"

I love that the cake is actually pretty normal and then she starts going off about garnishes that get increasingly insane and sadistic, and this whole time she's just casually spinning around.

At first it seems normal, then it gets weird, and THEN it goes insane

The way it just spins makes it so much funnier and i dont know why

"One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb."

*Writes down the recipe* Okay, so how do I actually cook the thing? Cake Core: ................ Me: ..............................

"One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix." "One can prepared coconut pecan frosting." "Three slash four cup vegetable oil." "Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips." "Three slash four cups butter or margarine." "One and two third cups granulated sugar." "Two cups all purpose flour." "Don't forget garnishes such as:" "Fish shaped crackers." "Fish shaped candies." "Fish shaped solid waste." "Fish shaped dirt." "Fish shaped ethyl benzene." "Pull and peel licorice." "Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment." "Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish." "One cup lemon juice." "Alpha resins." "Unsaturated polyester resin." "Fiberglass surface resins." "And volatile malted milk impoundments." "Nine large egg yolks." "Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes." "One cup granulated sugar." "An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'." "Two cups rhubarb, sliced." "Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb." "One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb." "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb." "Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire." "One large rhubarb." "One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb." "Two tablespoons rhubarb juice." "Adjustable aluminum head positioner." "Slaughter electric needle injector." "Cordless electric needle injector." "Injector needle driver." "Injector needle gun." "Cranial caps." "And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals." "That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.""One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix." "One can prepared coconut pecan frosting." "Three slash four cup vegetable oil." "Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips." "Three slash four cups butter or margarine." "One and two third cups granulated sugar." "Two cups all purpose flour." "Don't forget garnishes such as:" "Fish shaped crackers." "Fish shaped candies." "Fish shaped solid waste." "Fish shaped dirt." "Fish shaped ethyl benzene." "Pull and peel licorice." "Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment." "Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish." "One cup lemon juice." "Alpha resins." "Unsaturated polyester resin." "Fiberglass surface resins." "And volatile malted milk impoundments." "Nine large egg yolks." "Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes." "One cup granulated sugar." "An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'." "Two cups rhubarb, sliced." "Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb." "One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb." "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb." "Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire." "One large rhubarb." "One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb." "Two tablespoons rhubarb juice." "Adjustable aluminum head positioner." "Slaughter electric needle injector." "Cordless electric needle injector." "Injector needle driver." "Injector needle gun." "Cranial caps." "And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals." "That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."

The core forgot the fish-shaped rhubarb sediment needle injector resins.

Fun fact: this dialogue is recycled from a very early scraped version of the glados boss fight where she would recite these lines. You can actually tell it's just a slowed down version of glados's voice when you listen to it with that context in mind. It would continue for a long time with an added "crazy vanilla cake" line, repeated a whole lot. That's what the achievement crazy vanilla cake is in reference too.

Also, "an entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'"? Sounds like something Saxton Hale would write.

"...and candy covered peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish."

Ive followed the recipe and this looks nothing like a cake.... It looks like a big colorful fish....

Now I feel like GLaDOS wasn't lying about the cake.... I feel like this would make a really nice cake... ...to kill someone in one bite

The recipe seemed alright until he started mentioning fish shaped stuff and rhubarb. One thing he forgot. Fish Shaped Rhubarb.

Employee: “Hi, how can I help you?” Me: “Does his store happen to have a cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb?” Employee: ... what the f**k

Could not find half this stuff in Tesco...

For the curious, the normal part of this recipe is for German's chocolate cake, a layered chocolate cake filled and topped with a coconut-pecan frosting. It's named after a guy named Samuel German, who developed a type of dark baking chocolate for the Baker's Chocolate Company in 1852. Over a century later, in 1957, a recipe called "German's Chocolate Cake", which was created by a Dallas housewife and used Samuel German's baking chocolate, appeared as the "Recipe of the Day" in _The Dallas Morning News._ General Foods, which owned the Baker's brand, distributed the recipe to many other newspapers, and it became very popular.

The characters of Portal always spoke in such technical manners.

Favorite things: 1. Rhubarb 2. Fish-Shaped Items 3. Needle Injector 4. Rhubarb Fish-Shaped Items 5. Fish-Shaped Needle Injectors 6. Sediment Shaped Sediment 7. Cake Mix 8. Rhubarb 9. Fish-Shaped Cake Mix 10. Rhubarb

i think it need some more fish-shaped dirt

This guy enjoys Rhubarb...

Yumm, fish shaped Ethol Benzine solid waste with a hint of rhubarb on fire.

I like how all the animations of the cores are accurate and then there is Cake Core just vibing.

It was probably for the best that Chell was never given the cake.

I actually made this cake, tasted like rhubarb and fish mostly, i gonna die soon

This sounds like a recipe of a HowToBasic video

The way Glados says "rhubarb" has lived in my head rent free for the better part of 15 years

Everyone just remember that GlaDos probably heard this cake recipe 24/7

Life goals: Learn how to talk like that.

Probebly wheatly after he lost all his fundamental knowledge in space hearing space core saying space for 9 years straight

0:00-0:24 sounds all right. Everything else is probably optional.

"An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'" I will bet you ANYTHING that Saxton Hale wrote that.

Well that was the oddest cake recipe I've ever heard. :|

Taking out the random stuff makes a really good cake

even though this recipe can kill you, can’t we just agree this is the cutest and best core?

sediment shaped like sediment

Google Translated version: Transfer the brownie mixture to an 18.25 oz "Period," he said. "Three leaves and four cups of olive oil." "What a big egg." Delicious chocolate. - Three to four cups of butter or margarine - One, two, three cups of sugar “A flower has two cups. “For example, don't forget the jewelry. "Fishing Club". "Food of Light". "Grassfish". Like Tabata "Ethylbenzene has a fishy smell," he said. Remove the leaves and drain. A common factor is the size of the fish. "He's an athlete in the sun." Different types of fish. "Lemon market". "Alpha Line" is the name of the game. "Asymmetric Polyester Resin". "Carton" is the name. "Cow's milk and cow's milk products." "Nine Magical Fruits." "Twelve Chinese Geomembranes". "sugar in the cup" He said he would kill them all with his bare hands. - 2 cups of bread, cut into slices "Two and three glasses of pasta." "from below". "Wachman and the Orange Bear." "Three spoons, put them on fire." "Finding Raghu" "Connect the dots." Two tablespoons of garlic juice. msgstr "The best set of mignon files." "Electrical Theory". "Electric Water". “It's an aerosol. "Point the needle." "MU High School". It has proven healing properties, very rich, relaxing and aromatic. "Go away, because you smell like a corpse."

Uhhhh... I'll pass on the cake

AWWW, there's no fished shaped solid waste at the grocery store, man I really wanted to make that cake

This core is *GENIUS* Now I got a chocolate deadly cake

I love the way he says "rhubarb" "rhu _barb_"

“ An entry called, _How to Kill Someone with your Bare Hands_ “

Candy Coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. The fish part made me LOL.

Baby Wheatley making cake

I just woke up from the coma after making this cake and eating it... ...luckily it keeps pretty well, so might as well have another piece. See you in another 13 years!

Glados hears this every day

i actually thought at first this was normal cake

"One cup lemon juice" *Cave Johnson flashbacks*

now the cake is a truth :D

The cake/intelligence core got incinerated during the GLaDOS fight along with other personality cores. Wheatley (a.k.a. intelligence dampening sphere) was one of the many cores that awoke after the events of Portal 1 to maintain the facility due to GLaDOS being shut down.

By the end it really is just describing the process of preserving a corpse, huh

I like how Logic Core's middle part is just constantly spinning

i can see why the core became so interested in this "recipe"

Impressive how aperture actually transfered how to basic's conscience into a core.

This core starts talking about how to preserve humans which is really, really creepy, that’s what the needle injector is I’m pretty sure.

It tasted like rhubarb, dirt, and blood. I don't remember putting so much blood in this cake.

I don't know why, but him spinning like that and saying that recipe in the laziest and most monotone tone I've ever heard just makes me laugh too much

That tiny little pause before the "shaped like fish" made me laugh for some reason

I always found this particular core very cute with his sweet little voice

Instructions unclear, I ended up building a gundam somehow

Fun fact: this is the exact recipient for the cake at the end of the game

"You will be baked, and then there will be cake"

look's like it's also saying the materials to make a core

This core is so cute-looking, and the voice adds to it

So my mom went to make this cake for me for my birthday and was... intrigued once she read this recipe.

This core is crazier than space core.

1 (18.25-ounce) package chocolate cake mix 1 can prepared coconut-pecan frosting 3/4 cup vegetable oil 4 large eggs 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 3/4 cup butter or margarine 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour Don't forget garnishes such as: Fish-shaped crackers Fish-shaped candies Fish-shaped solid waste Fish-shaped dirt Fish-shaped ethylbenzene Pull-and-peel licorice Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment Candy-coated peanut butter pieces (shaped like fish) 1 cup lemon juice Alpha resins Unsaturated polyester resin Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments 9 large egg yolks 12 medium geosynthetic membranes 1 cup granulated sugar An entry called: "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands" 2 cups rhubarb, sliced 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb 1 tbsp. all-purpose rhubarb 1 tsp. grated orange rhubarb 3 tbsp. rhubarb, on fire 1 large rhubarb 1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb 2 tbsp. rhubarb juice Adjustable aluminum head positioner Slaughter electric needle injector Cordless electric needle injector Injector needle driver Injector needle gun Cranial caps And it contains proven preservatives, deep-penetration agents, and gas- and odor-control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.

Summed up recipe: •fish •dirt •book •tools

Some off the ingredients are actually used to preserve a human body in the morgue before a funeral or cremation.

I love this little guy.

1 (18.25-ounce) package chocolate cake mix 1 can prepared coconut-pecan frosting 3/4 cup vegetable oil 4 large eggs 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 3/4 cup butter or margarine 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour Fish-shaped crackers Fish-shaped candies Fish-shaped solid waste Fish-shaped dirt Fish-shaped ethylbenzene Pull-and-peel licorice Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment Candy-coated peanut butter pieces (shaped like fish) 1 cup lemon juice Alpha resins Unsaturated polyester resin Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments 9 large egg yolks 12 medium geosynthetic membranes 1 cup granulated sugar An entry called: "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands" 2 cups rhubarb, sliced 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb 1 tbsp. all-purpose rhubarb 1 tsp. grated orange rhubarb 3 tbsp. rhubarb, on fire 1 large rhubarb 1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb 2 tbsp. rhubarb juice Adjustable aluminum head positioner Slaughter electric needle injector Cordless electric needle injector Injector needle driver Injector needle gun Cranial caps

_sets down massive cake filled with fish-shaped items_ Friend: "Why does this taste like rhubarb?" _punches his head in with a needle gun_

Man, other than the pecan frosting, this sounds pretty good. Plus, 9 eggs is a tad much. Closer to 4 or 5 eggs is much better, as too many or two few will mess up the taste, texture and structure. Can't wait to try it!

Thanks for the captions. Very considerate.

He sounds so chill I love it 😂

What parents think is in your Halloween candy:

I think I need more fish shaped solid waste and orange rhubarb to make this. Period.

idk why but it's so fucking funny when he spins his head while casually talking with that voice about a weird cake recipe

I tried baking this cake and somehow ended up on the FBI watch list...

"Sediment-shaped sediment." Why do I suddenly not want the cake?

I snorted so hard when it said “pull and peel licorice”. Don’t know why.

I used to think the core would actually say a legit cake recipe. This was before I found this video.

That core is really cute... aww and the recipe is really humourous.

“2 tablespoons rubharb on fire”

DAMN IT I ONLY HAVE SWEET CHOCLATE CHIP COOKIES

Remember; everything past 0:25 is supposed to be used as a garnish. A garnish. -edit: I put in the wrong time, I fixed it.

This recipe voided the warranty on my oven

"DEEP PENETRATION" is my favorite cake ingredient 01:56

Me: *searches for cake recipe* Bing: *normal cake recipe* Google:

i tried the cake and let me say that the fish shaped polymer resin and fish shaped ethyl-benzine made this recipe, the fact that i get severe internal hemorrhaging is a nice added bonus to this delicious cake. 9.75/10, would give it 10/10 but those hospital bills

its all fun and games until it starts telling you how to make a human clone

Fish shaped dirt?

Fun Fact! the core's voice is actually GLaDOS' but slowed down by like 20 percent.

It's even funnier once you consider the circumstances in which this plays

Hedcrab would like that *PRETTY GOOD CAKE*

The cake is still a lie after all these years.

I want to see an interaction between the Fact Core and the Intelligence core. It would be very interesting to see Fact argue with the *Cake-obsessed* Core, and would often mock or complement the cake recipe. The Intelligence Core wouldn't interact much to Fact's gibberish, however he would probably correct some of his incorrect information.

One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three/four cup vegetable oil. one cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Theree/Four cups butter or margarine. One and two thired cups granulated sugar. Two Cups all purpose flower. Don't forget garnishes such as: Fish shaped crackers Fish shaped candies, Fish shaped solid waste. Fish shaped dirt, Fish shaped ethyl benzene, Pull and peel licorice, Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment, Candy coated peanut butter peices, Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice, Alpha resins, Unsaturated polyerster resin, Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called how to kill someone with your bare hands. Two cups rhubarb, Sliced Two/Three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imagining rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Ajustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. (that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.)

I made the same mistake when the pages in my cook book got stuck together. I probably would have ate it just to save Gladdos's feelings.