Psychiatrist Explains the Science of Love 

“People are looking for happiness instead of trying to build it” that’s brilliant!

What I learned in my many failures dating people is that true love is when two people wanna be around each other enough that they are willing to try work through any obstacles to making that happen

"In love" is a feeling, with butterflies and whatnot; "love" itself is an action. This is basically what my parents have told me; love is a commitment that is built, not found.

If they are willing to binge watch Dr. K, you know it's the one

Cinema Therapy did a reaction video on "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", and in it, they talk about how loving a person is such a big commitment bc of how people change. They're a different person every day, week, month, year, whether they choose to try and change or not. Loving how they were means only loving an idea of them, and so you have to learn to roll with those changes and love them throughout. It truly is a massive emotional undertaking, bc love isn't happiness, despite how synonymous the two can seem; however, I genuinely believe that it's the one emotion that humanity has an unlimited capacity for. Call it naïve if you want, but healthy, fully realized love (romantic and platonic) is buoyant. It lifts you up when you feel it, express it, receive it... It's a beautiful and irrational thing.

Me and my girlfriend just watched this together and it was a really refreshing perspective. Our relationship started out with way too many red flags, and it still does have some red flags, but we have been slowly working through them and becoming better people. And most importantly we are just loony enough to have fallen in love with each other in the first place.

Last year I was in a relationship with a person I never would have ever imagined myself being with. They were... completely the opposite of almost everything I thought I wanted in my partner, outside of shared interests. But I grew to love them, very deeply. And then one day they spontaneously came over to break up with me because they felt that they were the bread winner in the relationship, even though we had always gone back and forth paying for eachother's meals and dates and such, I even paid their way to the local nerd convention. There was no discussion to be had, there was no room for us to talk about things and work towards a solution. They just made more money than I did and they wanted to drop me like a stone. I haven't dated since.

I swear dude, either dr. K brings up the most relevant video for every point of my day-to-day life or I just have so many problems on the table lol

Aah I went on a big multi-year research journey to understand what love was. I was agonizing over every single detail and the supposed stages, only to find out that the most natural way was to just be. Don’t overthink it and just be. Of course it took a lot of soul searching and reflecting to get to that stage. So while the behavior is simple, getting there took a decent amount of work. Being able to fall in love can be considered a luxury especially for people who are used to operating in a state of absolute mental poverty/survival mode. In that insecure framework, people might not really be able to engage freely which can really hinder them from experiencing or getting comfortable with love. It's the typical Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, but definitely an important one to consider. It's similar to how you need enough surplus energy from a biological viewpoint to engage in play behavior which while enriching and beneficial to growth, isn't entirely vital to immediate survival. So for my people struggling to find love, it's ok to take some time to just get into a more secure position before starting to try love out again. And expect it to take time. People can be so impatient about it, but it really can take time and directed intent to make dating/love a positive experience. Some people are just stuck in hedonistic cycles of escapism and avoidance through infatuation, which they might mistake as love. Those experiences can be really traumatizing and the learning curve is quite steep. It usually takes people a fair amount of "cycling" before they try to change. Overall, it's important to sort out your internal motivations and have that awareness of what you want in a relationship. Those things might change as you meet people, but it's pretty helpful to have a nice foundation to stand on while being assured and confident.

Takeaways: → Healthiest relationships always seem to have one red flag. → Happiness and love is not determined by the other person but something that is build together. → Flexibility is one of the most important factors in a successful relationships. → Having the capacity to help, can help you understand whether your ready for a relationship.

I feel like everyone around me is looking for the perfect partner and no one is just trying to make shit work with the people that are willing to invest... I'm someone who loves to communicate and is willing to put in the work. But when it comes to dating I find a lot of people who are very dismissive because they have a specific image in their mind of what they want

I'm a woman with Autism & ADHD. I've been a healthy relationship for 2 years now. Before this, I was in a really toxic relationship with a serial cheater who also had substance abuse disorder. He confirmed all of the horrible beliefs I had about my character; in a way that made me feel safe & loved. It was also a way to distract myself from addressing my life (I was very depressed going into this relationship). I never had any 'boxes' per say, I was pretty much willing to take anyone who wanted me & didn't smell bad. Over time, I started working on my long-term trauma & issues that were getting in the way of my goals. The biggest thing that allowed me to get into & keep this healthy relationship was beginning to accept myself & communicate what I needed/wanted. I really tried to discern who was compatible with my inner beliefs, lifestyle, long-term goals, & who had a personality I truly liked! By coincidence we both have the same personality profile - INFP, with an anxious tendency. We really love eachother dearly, & to a degree I am dependent (and tbh he is too). BUT! I am actively working on myself (therapy, meds, going to college, etc) and I have helped him also grow in ways he didn't know he could. We have slightly different interests but generally spend our off-work & weekend time the same. I'm much more into traditionally feminine things & he's the opposite, but we both like to quietly play video games (not with, but in the same room lol), watch shows (both love anime but generally like a wide variety of things), go on mini-adventures, camping, audiobooks, spending time with animals, etc. He's quite a bit more organized than I am, but I think that has a lot to do with my ADHD + him being older by 7 years. Over time I've found solutions that work for me/us & it's become easier to manage chores. We also split them according to preference & who is the most motivated at the time ~ & anything is up for discussion. I'd honestly say that being in a relationship like this has been the biggest help to my issues. It's so much easier to tackle bad habits when you have always have someone you can share your innermost thoughts, & feelings; someone who is willing to call-in to change instead of berating; & you knows you well enough to actually give helpful ideas. Don't give up! There is somebody who is compatible, it just takes knowing yourself good enough & proper discernment.

In my experience at the core people do not change. And taking on project relationships is futile efforts and you end up unhappy. So you figure out core traits you are interested in or have to have in the other person and what you can compromise on. It takes time to figure it out. Once you do - it is easier to find the best fit for you.

The answer to what is love is simple Oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more

Do you think this applied to platonic relationships too? In the sense that "my friends aren't exactly what im looking for so I need to stop hanging out with them and find new ones" is a thought that sometimes comes up with me. If I feel like I need companionship but the people around me aren't entirely giving me what I'm looking for? Then the problem would be with me not being willing to work with them and build that relationship I guess

I have two things that I used to describe what makes relationships work. The first is Happily Ever After Romantic Theory (h.e.a.r.t.) Anyone, anywhere, can learn to love each other. All it takes is to dedicate yourself to improvement and discussion. If all parties participate in this, then they'll grow closer together naturally. The second is the opposite of Mutually assured destruction, Mutually assured benefit (m.a.b.) if two people are able to recklessly seek the good of the other, there's almost no way for them to come out with a net deficit of good.

So many people, including myself, have tried to change horrible people. So it's no wonder we try to find a person that ticks all the boxes rather than trying to change someone into a respectful kind person.

Paradoxically. If you found a perfect partner you will likely be motivated to be flexible and grow yourself to make it work. For example if you're too scared to watch horror movie but noticed a horror movie trailer that really clicked with you for some reason. You will try to face your fears to watch it. But you will not do that for other horror movies.

One of the favorite tenets of the "R3d P1LL" subculture is that "Romantic Love was made up by advertisers to sell products to women", when, if we look at ancient literature, Romantic Love has existed at least as long as Written Language. I can remember reading an article on an ancient Sumerian tablet that had been translated (Sumeria being THE oldest city built by Humans). It was a love poem. On top of that, the writer was going through heartache that would have made Shakespeare weep. The writer of the poem was tortured over the loss of his love, though it never specified why, and described her beauty, going so far as to compare her complexion to the light of a full moon.

You know, I think one of the weirdest part about falling into the deepest pits of depression is shutting that part down of your brain. I haven't felt interested in relationships, platonic or romantic in a real long time now, more than a year, what used to be something I craved for is something I essentially don't even feel anymore, I get annoyed when people want to talk to me and I don't feel bad at all about going without talking to anyone but my family(and I am not the one seeking them out, mind you) for weeks, sometimes even a whole month. I don't know, I guess my brain is just trying to disconnect itself from essentially the things that make living worth it in order to protect itself? I am not sure how that even works, honestly.

I feel like finding love, and successfully building relationships, comes down to the most difficult and seemingly impossible thing of all which is self love unfortunately. My healthiest relationships have been when I dont feel like I need one or another person to provide some external validation/happiness/intimacy whatever. 90% of the time I do feel these things and it feels impossible not to, but only when I'm too busy to be bothered by social problems do I seem to have the most success. It's a kind of sad irony in that way.

I think that for many people, a desire for perfection may also be a mechanism of defending themselves from pain, and a method of avoidance. Like, the idea that you are not perfect and neither is anyone else can be scary, because it means things may just not work out and it'll make you feel hurt and sad, even if you didn't necessarily do something "wrong" to the extent that you're a bad person, or that the other person is bad and "toxic". Accepting that you are flawed and so are others, and working on yourself despite knowing you'll never truly be perfect almost seems counter-intuitive especially depending on how you're raised, socialized or experiences you've had. Rejecting people constantly or rejecting yourself/not even trying can involve far less emotional labor in some ways than opening yourself up to rejection or failure. Some negative, toxic traits or red flags are subjective but exist in all people, and I agree that ultimately whoever you end up with there are going to be struggles with them, you'll just be willing to overcome them for that person which is perhaps a predictor of relationship success (being willing to stay with someone when it's not all roses and butterflies). The only thing to caution against is not staying with someone who truly is toxic and harmful to you, whether they necessarily intend to be that way or not.

Maybe I’m misinterpreting this message, but I have no problem being flexible in relationships (ie: working on myself). The real issue comes when the other person gives an “illusion” of being flexible, but after a while that person does absolutely nothing to change. It’s almost like they put on a mask to attract someone, just to revert back to their baseline. I’m hoping eventually I’ll find someone who is also willing to adapt to making a relationship work, but in my experience it’s been very difficult to find someone willing to put the work into themselves.

Love is devotion. (inspired by bhakti yoga). I think commitment is subtlely different, less giving and more like "sucking it up, putting my ego aside, and making it work". Both I think can (and should?) be present in relationship. This got me thinking... maybe devotion is about the other person (selflessness and giving) and commitment is about oneself (selffulness and self-work). Both are v related and help each other manifest i'm pretty sure as well ;)

Wow! For once in my life I’m actually ahead of a Dr. K video! I was contemplating these very things yesterday. Thank you!

Hardest thing is to find someone that thinks that way. I feel like im lonely with seeing relationships like Dr. K.

Love is definitely a choice. The attraction is not a choice, and VERY important, but love is a decision you make. And you definitely don't need to be perfect to build a healthy relationship. Me and my boyfriend definitely were not "finished products" when we got together XD! And we still aren't...We both have improved as people though in my biased opinion. The biggest thing I've had to work on is that I had been going to therapy for years, and only a year before we met each other I discovered that I had gone through sexual trama as a child...I had to work on that first, and had made some improvements...but it still was effecting me a lot. And for my partner he hadn't been able to maintain many relationships with friends or family and had depression and anxiety bad enough that he has had suicidal thoughts. Obviously we didn't lead with that going into our relationship 😅😅😅 But as time went by over a few short months we both on some level had to help one another with these problems. Because of what I went through, I've had panic attacks since the age of seven, and in my adult years it got to the point that I was having them once a month. And anger and rage towards my abuser was my primary focus every single day. Now after being in our relationship with someone I CHOOSE to love and focus on I only have panic attacks every few months and although my anger will never go away, I don't obsess and think about that person everyday anymore. And for my boyfriend we dealt with a one time occurrence where he has serious suicidal thoughts together. Since then I've noticed over the past year that he seems to be a lot more content then he was when we first met. He spends a lot of time with his family trying to rebuild those bonds, and he spends a healthy amount of time with some new friends that he has made, and I've also met them. One of his family members at one point pulled me aside when my partner left to thank me...He said that he didn't know what I did, but that he hadn't ever seen him so happy❤We've been through a lot within only a year. We have some different values then one another in some areas and we've both had to make serious compromises for each other. In that process we have gotten close to the point of ending it all, but we pushed through it, and there are no regrets for that! We haven't gotten everything perfect, but we have a beautiful relationship. And honestly at times I'm amazed how well we have done since none of us have been in a serious relationship before. We both want to get married to each other someday, and so far that hasn't changed🥰

"She was wiser and knew I didnt understand what I was talking about" LOL

Me, an aromantic: Fascinating

Dr k, your videos are changing my life and in affect the lives of those around me. Thank you!

There was a Ted talk (I forget which exactly and I just woke up from a nap 😂) that explained that having a bad start to something and sticking through it and turning it around to be positive in the end was far more seductive than something that went perfect entire time. They used dates for their examples. Dates that started bad but ended good had a sense that they earned happiness and that was stronger than being perfect. Idk, it's like if we can work past the bad stuff, it makes finding good stuff more valuable...or something Anyway, goodnight again lol

"We have relationships to together solve problems we would not have without them." - might seem a bit cheeky, but this actually helps a lot in building a happy life.

Me having been depressed/emotionally unstable and her having a narcissistic personality disorder this was quite some ride. Some years there were on and off times in our relationship and we had many senseless quarrels and many times we asked ourselves if this is going anywhere. After a lot of therapy for both of us and a lot of work we're still together 13 years later, married and it's great. So this video makes total sense to me. There is always a lot of work to do to become a balanced relationship

I think a big problem as well (I'm a perfectionist, so I know this first-hand), is that I wanna make sure that if I get into a relationship, that it lasts, otherwise I don't bother. This either leads me to being super clingy (which is what happened with my one and only relationship thus far), or I just don't try, because I understand logically that perfection is impossible, but that's an annoying truth that my brain won't acknowledge.

Paradoxically, finding love is often itself a checkbox. I think far too few people ask themselves why they're looking for love in the first place. So often it seems to be because it's expected in our culture, which seems like a flawed reason that results in the whole concept becoming more important and stressful than it should be. Our culture ought to normalize being happy alone first and foremost.

Just discovered Dr. K - love this content, will be binge watching all content this winter.

I just love your lessons and insights. Thank you, Dr. K.

Super interesting take and form personal experience I think I agree with most of it actually. I don't think it doesn't speak to literally everyone but love the way you back your points up with personal experience and science!

I am probably not the demographic (geriatric millennial lol)for this but this hit home as I am ending a long term marriage. A huge factor in the downfall was emotional affairs. My marriage started to fail when my husband got a smart phone. My partner was always “looking” for something better- social media gave him access to do this with ease and the cover to excuse his behavior became the fact that they were “just friends.” So, there were no more inside jokes between him and I because he found new ppl To create those with and could be perfect mirrors of his sense of humor or whatever else he needed I in that moment without having himself to deal with the inconvenience of the other person’s emotions. There was no chance to build anything stronger together because the allure of “new” was too accessible and titillating. All this eroded my self esteem and started putting up walls. By the time he started facing the issues that created disconnect (adhd, depression cycles) I was spent emotionally and shut down. He was trying and I had let go. He blames me. I don’t think he understands how much harm always being in his dms and isolated did to me and our family. He was focused on my faults but didn’t really put in any effort beyond throwing money at me to actually get to know me. So… yeah. That’s not what a long term relationship is suppose to be. You can’t have one foot out of the door-whatever the reason. If you have a partner and you are actively engaging with ppl you are attracted to, you are playing with fire. my two cents!

I found this very helpful as someone who has never been in a relationship before. I'm insecure about being "worthy" enough for a partner and understanding that there are people who would be willing to give you a shot despite you not checking all the boxes; it's comforting and makes me feel a little more confident. I'll continue to work on myself, thank you Dr. K.

There is no science. If they are willing to watch avatar with you, then put a ring on it

Awesome video and Thank you for your work. i think its not about being a perfect partner. Rather recognizing you can become the perfect partner in the eyes of your partner. At this point you realize it was never perfection you/they were looking for. Perfection to me is the sum of all things. In its most refined and efficient state creating a "false" sense of flawlessness and impossibility of defect.

Wow this video lowkey turned out giving valid advices and discussions. Thank you for this!

3:00 I KNEW IT! Love is just brain damage

for some reason i never seem to fall in love with people anymore, not like i would in secondary school. there’s no more butterflies, no more fantasies or dreams, nothing at all. it’s weird because i consider myself to be a romantic person, but the attraction is always lacking from my end of things, not from anyone else’s. i wish i could flip a switch and feel infatuation and love towards others more easily

Wow! I love how he explain this. He made me have a different view on relationship. Don't come in a relationship and expect to get something, instead come in to give love. I feel the more I give love, I'm actually more happy then to expect something.

Excellent video. Thank you :)

I feel like a check box is good for the initial part of a relationship, but then overtime: the check box doesn’t matter

Very useful video! Thank you!

The trouble is when it's one-sided. When do you know when to leave and when to keep making the effort?

Love this!!! Thank you Dr. K! Getting everything we want doesn’t make us happy!! We also need to make room for our partners needs! 😮

I always say this to my gf but what made me look at her in a special way was her weird way of walking and wearing black. Surprisingly, she's as awkward as me and now we're together ! Formula for love doesn't exist and there's no definitive definition for love.

I think looking for a perfect partner is not a bad approach. But instead of looking for vague traits like shared interests you should be looking for traits like the ability to give/receive criticism and respect towards others. So basically the will to change and make things work. It's all a question of perspective.

Perfect timing, thank you Dr K

love is the ONLY thing that will cause a human being to have the capacity to endure tremendous amounts of pain and inconvenience to obtain lol. nothing else really causes that much energetic focus. not even hyper focus of adhd in a situation where the persons hyperfocus is being 100% supported / enabled. at least thats what i've experienced and observed. there is a diligence which appears when people are in love (or on the brink of falling for/ being in love) that just doesnt happen in any other situation or for any other reason. i dont know if we have the scientific capacity to really be able to figure out everything about it at this point in time tbh. think there is still too much profit motive controlling science to let something like that become public knowledge if anyone did figure it out completely.

So.... How do I balance the ignoring of red flags with the fear of ending up in an abusive relationship again? I carried too much, and gave too much trying to make the relationship work. I still have flashbacks. Is it about having the strength to set boundaries and pay attention only to the red flags that directly hurt me? How long do I stay before I determine if it's a short term struggle or truly a bad relationship? I know this fear is holding me back from building good connections, but I still struggle with finding the balance between self preservation and keeping everyone at a distance.

Hollywood programs people to think 'love' is the 'heart skips a beat', 'butterflies in the stomach' kinds of rollercoaster responses. But that isn't love, thats the bodies Fight or Flight warning response. True genuine Love is calm, balanced, serene. It nurtures, its Safe. Love is always present, it never wanes and its never distracted. Its perennial, it endures all things. It can be Trusted because it Trusts. It never plays games, Love NEVER uses love as a weapon. If it doesn't reflect the attributes and the virtues of Love, it cannot be Love. Love is something that is greater than the some of its parts, its greater than the two people individually. And while it is perennial, its only so when its sustained by both people. One partner can hold space for the other if they are experiencing a time of struggle. But if the one in struggle closes their door to Love then one person alone cannot keep it alive for long. And if they try too it will take draw from their own life force energy and be Soul destroying. Love is the greatest achievement of the Human Being. And its absence is his greatest failure. Or Phenethylamine helps, taken with a MAO-B inhibitor like Seligiline or Hordenine.

There's way too much of the notion that if two people are not compatible, either romantically or as friends, that one of them must be "wrong" and is supposed to change. As if we're all supposed to be compatible. This was a lot more prevalent generations ago and it's finally mostly going away in a lot of parts of society as diversity is more and more appreciated. But it still lingers in these areas for some reason. And people take non-compatibility as a reason to dislike someone and/or wish them unhappiness. Also I disagree with the notion that any time spent dating someone who you don't eventually marry is all wasted time. If you're choosing to date in a way that is not enjoyable to you, then that's just you doing it wrong.

I do feel that me trying to check all the boxes and find the perfect thing that is what I want and requires no work on my part is a huge problem I have in most areas of my life. You said in another video how the avoidance of pain does not equal happiness. This is true and I know it but I’m still avoiding pain and I think it’s going to take me quite some time to be able to actually accept pain.

This is by far and away the best RU-vid channel and it’s not even close.

Fantastic Video!

There was a 10 or 15 year study that took place in the UK, studying ten choice marriage couples and ten arranged marriage couples. The results and findings would be extremely interesting to hear HealthyGamer analyze and talk about it. Can't remember the name of the study unfortunately, but a lot of the data points I remember are still relevant when put into today's cultural context.

A nice parallel would be rerolling accounts in gacha games: most don't do it, they take what they can get, and are happy about any rare character. some want a special rare character, so they reroll a few times, get their character and are happy. and then there's those who want the best: start the game with 6 specific rare characters with a 1/10000000000 chance. only after rerolling for days, weeks or months do they realize what they want is unreasonable and should be happy with just 3-4 rare characters (when I started with genshin impact)

It seems like everybody's in love with perfection... I feel sorry for them!

it feels like some kinda sick joke learning all i can about love and relationships and psychology after a big break up from a really good relationship. People often get advised to not get too attached when they’re young but relationships can start at any age, I agree the intentions determine how good and long it lasts. Every love between people is unique imo. Yes we all should hope to avoid toxic behaviors in others and repair them in ourselves but if we try to love the way we perceive “perfect love” to be, i think its going to be unsatisfying and frustrating for many. im not personally religious but i do find corinthians 13:4-8 very simple, true, and comforting “Love is patient, love is kind.”

Haven't watched yet but the timing is perfect like always Doc! Wish me luck boiz... this 26yo is finally going on a date with his crush since highschool

Going through a breakup right now where I realized I over prioritized my partner, and when I needed them to prioritize me they couldn't do it. It's sad. But I understand

Dr. K has truly a great hair 😃

Beautiful video🎉

I'd say your sampling might be skewed towards the positive. The couples that seek relationship therapy are those that want it to work and are willing to put on the effort. That's basically the definition of a robust relationship

Some in my family had health problems related to high alcohol intake, smoking and drugs and that's why i have these check boxes. For me, meeting a woman who drinks alot or smoked or uses drugs is someone who i wouldn't be able to connect with and create a bond/serious relationship.

I had to laugh out loud when you listed someone being 6 years older and currently unemployed as a red flag for a relationships. I know a lot of relationships with much larger age gaps and much bigger red flags who work just fine. It's never perfect.

Very strong and helpful. Thank you. I learned

Dr K, I found your videos so easy to focus before but now I can't focus easily because the editing is so fast that it just feels like you're speaking in 1.5x speed. I think your speech is so concise and easy to understand that this editing is not necessary, and the breaks were actually helpful. Just my opinion though. Thank you for your videos!

Lovestruck stupid is a real scientifically backed thing? I feel much better about myself now, thank you.

But ... what IS love, and how do I know that what I'm feeling IS love?

But how do you find someone who wants to work on a relationship instead of just perpetually "shopping" for someone who checks the boxes? Why does it seem like everyone I run into is the latter?

My flexibility stops at any form of non-monogamy. Open relationships are cancer.

This is the first time Dr K says exacty what has been my viewpoint on relationships since I have been a teenager.

Ever since I experienced love, and now have lost it, I just can’t get enough of it. It’s addicting and I’m relapsing. Before I was fine without it. I wished I never had experienced it.

very good episode

I love this video so much 😭

The same is true to some extent with work - you could be trying to find the best work, or you could invest in improving the current place. Talk to a manager to see if the company is willing to invest in that improvement as well.

I'm definitely getting less selective, but I'm also getting less prospects

Binge watching Dr K vids

Learning with my wife as young adults is the coolest thing and working towards building a life together is Love. The willingness to do it is Love.

your view reminds me of Erich Froms view of love. He sais we should focus on loving (giving) instead of trying to make us self as lovable as possible (receiving) so yeah it makes a lot of sense

I want my person back we were only seeing each other for 3 months but they were my first relationship and I care about them deeply. Its not even been a month since we mutually decided to break up but I miss him dearly and can't stop thinking about him.

I'll start by saying that I'm an inexperienced 20M, who's nvr had a relationship (unless 6th grade counts). So discount and take my opinion with a tablespoon of salt 🧂. But, from wut I've learned by watching Dr. K and understanding the other sex more, I think finding "true love" involves living life without directly looking for "true love." Making friends in wutever situation and circumstances u can and being able to give and take in something lower-risk will prepare u 4 something more than friendship. There aren't many preferences I hav in making friends or workplace relationships, and that should also be the approach to dating. Cuz a potential partner is just another person like u.

the concept of building relationships being a 'skill' you can get better at is really a joy to rock around. Although it looks sad to go on youtube like "how to be more interesting" or "how to take better pictures", it does work.

I jumped out of online dating for many of the reasons spoken about in this video. And because there is always this seek for perfection, I decided to stop wasting my time with this none sense. I know I'm not perfect and I always work on myself. I accept critique and I admit that I'm human. I'm very humble and understanding. So I know I'm doing my best to search for a relationship and can prove I have alot to offer. And ready to build something. But when I am being stereotyped, when I'm being lumped in, I jump out. I will not stand for games period. I so much as get a hint that a game is being played I leave and run. And I've gotten exhausted honestly. I have autism and I'm an introvert. I'm misunderstood. So I figured it's just easier to lead the single life. When I'm ready to do anything to make it work but the other side isn't willing to budge than I want nothing with them. I'm not going to force someone to change their minds when their minds are already made. They know what they want and it's not me. 👍... Great Video!

"Love is a chaotic and disregulated state in the brain" ah. Confirming what we all felt deep down heh

This is exactly what I hated! Its like people are products to be sold!

I feel like the male lizard brain encourages men to date women who are imperfect, so long as they are attractive. Meanwhile the female lizard brain is running rampant with dating app checkboxes on everything

Thanks!

Wow, you rock!

Totally shifted my perspective on how I view my relationship with my girlfriend. Thank you for sharing such valuable information :)

Gunna make me cry doc, don’t read my life like that.

dating apps commodify love and it makes us think that other people are dispensable but theoretically you could make a great relationship with anyone with enough effort rome wasnt built in a day

Broke up with my girlfriend. We dated for 3 years. We broke up because of long distance. We only got to see once every few months. Our feelings for eachother decrease day by day. Even though when we met, we still hv great chemistry, it all goes away when we are apart again. After watching this video, I realised I was the one who had my life and pieces, and I didnt do what I could to support the relationship. I guess I should pick myself up and become a better person before starting another relationship.