I’m the person who left the comment that this video was a response to. Thank you so much for responding! Everything you said here really resonated with me and made me feel very validated and grounded. In the beginning when you talked about how blaming yourself for the relationship going south and taking accountability for things that were not really your responsibility is a way of asserting autonomy or control but also destroys your self esteem, I started crying. This is exactly what I’ve been doing. There are things in a relationship that are really up to our partner, not us, and if they don’t play their part it only makes sense that the relationship would end. I also really appreciate what you said about how having expectations doesn’t make you selfish or “extra” and taking stock of your own dysfunction so you can apply your lessons learned in your next relationship. I’ve heard a lot of what you said in fragments from different people on my life but it’s like you’ve taken all the pieces and wrapped a neat little bow around them in this video. Now I have something to fall back on whenever I go back into that dark place. Thank you so much maika, you deserve way more views and subscribers!
Thank you for respoding to my response 🙂. I'm glad this video was helpful and resonated with you on such a deep level and in different aspects of your experience and situation. All the best to you! 💗
I needed this. I was the fool that broke up with her back then because I did not feel like I was enough. Got overwhelmed with myself and life. We tried again ten months later but, the damage was done. We opted to both agree and stop dating once more. Now I am the one yearning and aching to be back with her. Hope I get another chance with her someday.
😂 My Experience centers around LIMERENCE W/ a person w/ NPD, who came in on a white horse seemingly to rescue me FROM ?, but drew me in, then Rejected Me, and has left me feeling Completely Abandoned. It feels like a Break up, from a Connection, but more, loss of Hope, of Self, loss of Connection to self.........Shattered as you stated in one of you previous Videos.......Can you suggest some videos from your Collection to help me, Pick up n Put back together the Pieces, For the Better-ment of Me, PLEASE?????😢
I'm sorry to hear that 💔 Have you watched this video? Psychologist On How To Stop A Breakup Or Divorce From Breaking Your Self Esteem ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-N4DydeawCsU.html
I flip flop with it constantly. He betrayed my trust, I tried to forgive him and the lack of trust plus his contributions just made it toxic. We both love and miss each other so much, but know things could never be completey good. He wasn't ready, and I can't forgive him for it. But we still had so much fun together and it's hard not to talk to him. He was my best friend.
Very helpful. And a compliment : your dress suits you, it is very tasteful and corresponds to rhe colourful books in rhe background! Many thanks for your contribution!
Fantastic video! It's as if I was meant to stumble across it. Perfect timing, prefectly delivered and very very relevant to me. Thank you, new subscriber 🙏
I don't think there's a short, general, helpful answer to this question... Ending a relationship is often a delicate situation with many contributing factors... I'll write down the question nevertheless, maybe in the future, I can create a video on it...
I'm a middle aged man who is still thinking about a relationship from twenty years ago. She was emotionally immature, but I was not better at the time. I feel guilty now because I could help her to avoid the wrong path, keeping in account the knowledge I gained from many issues and tragedies in my life. I feel guilty because I left a baby alone. I disagree a little with this video because we are part of the causes of the people's choices, everyone of us influences the other.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope one day you'll find a way to make peace with your past 💗. And thanks for adding the thought about all of us influencing each other's choices. I agree with you - we do influence each other. At the same time there's an area of responsibility / agency that we can only cover for ourselves, no one can do that for us. It's a balance - healthy interdependence and accountability for ourselves. In this video I wanted to address a situation of enmeshment / codependency, when someone tries to take charge of another's agency and then feels like they failed because it didn't work and their self-esteem suffers as a consequence. In that case, it's important to remember that we each bring our share into relationships...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank you for replying to me. My worst regret is that I feel culprit if she taken the wrong path in her life. My disagreement on your video is just my cold opinion, but I liked your content.
What we can do is to do our best at a certain moment. We have to own it and accept it. After maturing, we are able to revisit our past. Perhaps you could write a letter to her telling her your gained wisdom. It won't change the past but can bring relief in the current situation, especially if children are involved.
Don’t do it UNLESS you have done the inner work to heal child trauma. If you don’t you are likely to experience our story. I am someone who was the one that got away then reconnected while he wasnt 100 free. After 2 I became the wife. We have been married for 14 years. I now understand I am a fearful avoidant andhe is a dismissive avoidant. He left this week in a matter of hours after another fight moved 4 states away. 35 yrs since the start ended in hours. We never did the inner work to healour tramas. That meant we repeated a dynamic over and over. He will stay in an avoidants intense anger and blame. I am trying to finally do the inner trauma work and heal attachment style for me.
@@lizdc1 Yes, I'm doing the same work on myself, despite a psychotherapist once telling me that I haven’t any psychiatric or psychological issues. That means that even the "healthy" people have bias and what I call "small trauma" (because it affects only your personality without causing any deep change). That said, both people with or without disorder should work on themselves and test their adjustment with the others. I think that humbleness is the key.
What about specially? How to cope as someone who broke it off, or common dysfunctional strategies of people who’ve broken up with someone or something different?
@@DrMaikaSteinborn common dysfunctional strategies of people that have broken up with someone. So , for example, in my case ( We have a son together, so, there is more that just boyfriend and girlfriend) even if he is 21 years old, my ex completely disappear from my life, and really would like “ to understand why”. Is this a possible dysfunctional strategy?
It sounds something like being ghosted. This topic has been requested a few times, so eventually, I'll probably create a video on it... In short, when someone completely disappears without a word, and especially if they leave a child in the process, it is most likely a dysfunctional coping strategy. Often, at its core, it's about trying to cope with feeling overwhelmed, inadequate and hopeless...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn She is still talking to him, (not often) she didn’t also see him in the last 2 months..again he is 21 years old, and he lives by himself so, he is auto sufficient, but she completely avoiding me. Also I called her 1 month ago, ‘cause I wanted to say her that I am over it, that I am happy about her new life, but that I do care about the family that we STILL have (didn’t say that to her, I’ve just told her thatI needed to talk ‘cause it was important . She said I’ll call you to let you know, but she never did. She is also with someone else (after 1 month she left me pretty much). I didn’t call her again, I am done with her. If she wants, she knows where I am… 👍
