Yup. I have absolutely no family or friends to rely on. But it’s easy to give and to despair when things seem bleak and hopeless. I have faith things will get improve with time.
But how do you live alone? What do you do in the house by yourself? I've always lived with my wife, we rented a flat together after a year of being together, we then bought a house a year later and had a baby. We spent soo much time together and now after 12 years, she's done and is having an affair with a married man. I feel robbed that she never gave me a second chance
@@banzaiman1 she robbed herself of a second chance when she had that affair. but, it’s not easy to live alone especially when you partner had been with you for 12 years. you lost apart of you. part of you is dead, and you need to grieve that lost. embrace the grief, cry it out for however many days or weeks you need to. maybe throw a mini funeral for yourself. living on your own isn’t easy at first, but you have to learn how to live with the silence one day at a time. try to enjoy it, not everybody is gifted the tranquility of solitude. but also make plans to fill you life with news hobbies and activities, specifically new things that don’t remind you of her.
I’ll add one last thing: You’re stronger than you know. You held onto a relationship for 12 years, and you did what you could with the gifts and skills you had at the time. Take pride in that, not many people can hold onto someone that long.
The most difficult part is forcing yourself to go outside to not be stuck indoors. I went to a concert today by myself and it was BRUTAL seeing happy couples everywhere. Removing the pressure is very very tricky
Bro I’m separated and went to see Deadpool vs Wolverine Thursday night and almost cried bro. First time I’ve been to the movies alone in over a decade.
You must do it alone, I have tried all year to avoid it but ultimately you are just pausing the process no matter what you do to ignore it. You must feel the pain and it's ok, your real self is waiting for you. Am staring to find myself
@@cocosung2371 Am sorry you have to go through it, there is no set time and no tangible way of confirming you are better but it will make you (us) stronger. I hope the best for you 🙏
For me, I just feel like I'm not ready to move on and make important decisions. I need to fall out of love with my wife which so far hasn't gone well, it's been 7 weeks since we separated and it still hurts like hell
The ending of my relationship was so surprisingly hurtful, I've felt trapped by the fear of being hurt again. Oddly it's made it difficult to look further back and accept that it should have ended sooner. These videos have been a huge comfort. I'm very grateful to have found such thoughtful guidance at a point where I've felt very lost. Thank you for your lovely work :)
Love your videos! Absolutely spot on. After 6 years living together, it was a massive grief. No one talks about the massive dip in all the happy hormones like oxytocin so you can truly go into a physiological depression.
Wow! I’ve found your channel a few days ago, the previous videos have been so helpful with my process and now this video appears exactly when i needed it! To strengthen my self when i feel lonely. Thank you Dr.
Dear Maika, hello from England. 👋 I can't thank you enough for these amazing videos. You're helping me so much. After my marriage broke down, utterly heartbroken and struggling to function, my close family, siblings, either acted as though nothing has changed, or began putting immense pressure on me to " get over it." This brought the added sorrow of having to detach from my siblings, because I couldn't cope with their comments and expectations. I appreciate your work so much, and the way you have made your help so accessible. Bless you. 🙏❤
It's been 1,5 years since the breakup and I'm still struggling. I really think I've tried to get through, to process, to feel the feelings. I understand that I'm a good person and I have a good life, but I feel so sad, abandoned and lonely. Som days I feel so exhausted and desperate, I just don't understand how to get through this and have my life back. I'm most of the time in survivalmode, I'm not living.
I made the mistake of going to my FA house to ask him why he blocked me when we had promised each other we wouldn’t do that. I have not in the past 3 weeks bombarded him with messages since we broke up I have been implementing the NC rule. But it’s been rough. Really bad. I’m a mess. 😢
don't beat youself up for that move. Don't forget...the heart doesn't listen to logic. Just relax and realize that you did nothing wrong. You seeing them in person makes it hard again but if they aren't ready you can't make someone do something you want them to do. Let go and focus on you. If it's meant to be they will contact you to work it out. When? who knows. But they can't miss you if you are still there. Be strong you are not alone ❤
You aren’t a mess. Love is crazy and makes you do crazy things. I’ve been there. Trust yourself again do things you like. But removing all reminders of the person helps. DONT look at pictures or reminisce on the past. In time it helps.
Thank you so much Maika for this video! It helped me realize which areas I am making progress in and which ones I need to focus on more and develop intentionally. My break up is turning out to be my transformation and I am enjoying my life more and more.
Dear Maika, I really appreciate this post. Its very insightful and came at the exact right time. Please continue your work knowing that you are changing the minds and hearts of people around the world(at least one in the Netherlands 😅). With this you really made a difference for me. My best, Robert
The bigger issues I have right now, are living in the present and don't be scare / believe in the future , and also I don't know why , when I go out for a party for example ,or my birthday, it makes me sad instead of happy. It is still hard to forget the past , but I'm getting there.
@@bluebubble13 Thanks for your support. I am really digging as deep as possible into myself to become a better version of myself. It will take time I know, but I've decided to face it instead of trying to avoid it.
What helped me a lot when going through divorce is a book by Richard C. Schwartz: You are The One You've Been Waiting For. I highly recommend it (perhaps reading an introduction to IFS beforehand too).
I hope both of us get through it soon ❤the most difficult part is feeling like there's something wrong with me for feeling so lonely but not being able to put my finger on what exactly needs fixing... But this video confirmed to me that it's normal to feel this way and it will go away on its own...
I've just come out of a relationship, we broke up years ago and got back together. We have kids and thought bringing our family unit back together would be great. It wasn't great. I used to live for my ex, everything was on her terms it was me that had to change, i wanted everything back. I was the one who had to make effort. Turns out that's hard after i lived on my own for 18 months. This video is amazing. I wish i could not feel the pain i do. And would love to understand why i compare everyone to my ex. I'm thinking about having therapy to learn to be alone and love myself!
Im 4 months after breaking ( discard) im still very sore and can’t cope with my life……..went to a club last night with 2 friends and i was crying… couldn’t see nobody around… 7 years of relationship just faded away with no Reason… he never even rang to ask how im getting on…..
@@scutelnicalina1437 I'm not trying to be negative or anything but, what if there's nothing human left in him? Because I think after break up, we're on our own, as much as it hurts we should find our way to be okay n heal?
To a certain extent almost everyone feels it after a breakup, but depending on someone’s past experiences, especially in childhood, some people feel it a lot more intensely.
