I used to work as a gym trainer and I saw so many affairs start as a result of having a lack of boundaries. Any of my male friendships have changed drastically since being married. I can post a birthday greeting in a public forum such as a public comment, but never DM, never hanging out.. etc. affairs often start unplanned, but people getting comfortable and having access to each other.
I am not Jewish but I do agree with you 100 per cent. Many years ago I worked as a nurse in the Emergency Room. Police and fireman were in and our of the hospital. I was married and sadly thought I could be friends. The results was catastrophic. I pray every day for God’s forgiveness. I apologized to my Husband but we were divorced. Everyone got hurt, especially my 2 children. Now I have been married 40 years and I follow your laws now.
I believe God has forgiven you. You need to lay it at his feet and leave it there. I think this does make a lot of sense. We have made everything ok to do. All that matters is that WE feel good. Not worrying about God’s commandments.
I think the scariest thing is how easy it is to fall into something like this. It is so subtle and it creeps up on you. Everyone knows adultery is wrong but it can happen to almost anyone if you aren’t careful!
Not Jewish but I love how there are boundaries to protect men and women from abuse. Also love how there are boundaries to protect against mistakes like cheating on a spouse, an employer sleeping with a subordinate, etc. Simple promiscuity causes so many problems. Jealousy, resentment, and heartache on the one end and crimes of passion on the other end. Remove the temptation by not even being in that situation in the first place.
Except there is a lot of abuse in orthodox judeaism. Look into the abuse of little boys by male religious teachers in the haredi sect. It was covered up by the higher ups for years, and they even tried to help one of the pedophiles escape. Also, the women that have left arranged marriages or very quick (meet anywhere from once for 15mins to a handful of times before proposing). Those women were not marrying someone they wanted to marry, and did not want to have sex with those men and were raped. There are many documentaries and interviews with both women that left and children that were abused.
@Bryce. Anyone can set those boundaries. Setting boundaries are not just for us Jews. Set your boundaries as far as relationships, you are absolutely allowed to.
I can't help thinking how some of your traditions are similar to the Muslim faith. As a Christian, I do respect these values. You are a lovely couple, seem well matched.
Your matchmaker did a great job because you seem so comfortable being yourselves around each other. Shalom to you both from this American secular Jew who is trying to learn more after Oct. 7th
I wish, more than words can convey, that I had been raised in a home with values like what is embedded in Judaism. It's amazing to hear and to see how loving you are to each other and life in general and the laws make it possible. I'm very grateful to have come across your channel.
I just stumbled on your channel today . I am a Baptist 😱that is very interested in the Old Testament and have found such wonderful information from Jewish channels. You are 100% correct in relationship. We as a society have completely ruined relationships between men and women.
Thank you for sharing your beliefs. I am a conservative Christian and was taught many of the same morals and values that you speak of. We are more alike than different. I love the Jewish people and pray for the peace of Israel. I’m very interested in your culture, so much so, I am currently taking a class in Biblical Hebrew. Love and Shalom to both of you!
You two are such a lovely couple and I can see the love and respect that you have for each other. I also love how you both give each other the platform and respect what the other is saying. I am not Jewish, but I agree with what you are saying here.
I get asked these questions so many times on my channel where I showcase all faucets of my Orthodox Jewish Life and you have answered them so beautifully!!! Your explanation was spot on.
I just came across your channel, I subscribed because I find it very interesting. Also the both of you are very happy, I just enjoy listening to the both of you. Thank you
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your customs and culture with us. The world would be a better place if everyone practiced these things. This is what loving your neighbor as yourself is all about. Love this!
Thank you. So informative. The Orthodox Jewish Community appears strange to others not because they are wrong but because the rest of us have become so lost. It wasn't until college when I learned aspects of the Jewish Faith from Jewish students and friends but it both amazed me of the richness of their faith and deepened the shame I felt because my Mother was born German, was a young girl during WWII and carried some prejudice against Jewish people her whole life. I spoke up when she did it but still felt like the sin of my Fathers carried on to me and I should make atonement for them.
I'm completely blown away with the Jewish faith. As a Southern, Afro-American, practicing United Methodist, is very different from your faith and culture. Thank you for opening up your lifestyle, practicing your faith daily and the benefits you've gain within the family and the community. Because of this video, from this point forward, I will be more open to conversing with your culture in our society. Being open-minded is the first step to understanding instead of fear.
May I add that in synagogue, when praying. If the partition was not there and a guy sees a pretty woman he is distracted from praying properly and when he is studying Torah, an image of her might come into his mind. Basically it is about purity and not looking at half naked women on the street during summer months. Orthodox men will not look at a woman who passes him by even if Jewish and modestly dressed. It seems archaic but it is to protect the man from sinning with his eyes.
As a nonJewish person, I am very interested in learning about a lot of religions and reasons for various customs. I think you made a great point in the video about Orthodox customs raising awareness of the male-female differences. I have never lived in that kind of world and, having only a single male sibling, have made comfortable, lifelong friends of both genders. I don’t find being friends with the opposite sex to cause temptation because I don’t pick friends I’m attracted to. However, if I grew up in a society where the separation was emphasized, I would likely feel differently. Without the air of mystery, I just see people as people and my male friends are like family to me. When/if some of them married, I also became friends with their wives! But a lot of people may never feel that way no matter how they grew up. It would bother me to have to give up friendships that have been stable for decades for a spouse or for custom. However, if I grew up differently, I wouldn’t have made those friendships in the first place. So I’m seeing both sides. I could see it would be difficult for people growing up on the outside to convert to a religion where genders are separated, yet I can understand the comfort is would bring to those used to living like this. Personally, I do like the low level of gender awareness I feel…it’s much less stressful for me . But I can also appreciate the customs you practice that also prevent that kind of stress with the increased gender awareness. So..my attitude is…Whatever works for you, works for you! But it’s always important to remain loyal and faithful to your spouse no matter what society you live in.
I really like what you said about investing in relationships with other people, and why you have to be careful with who you're emotionally invested in. Also, very few people in a romantic relationship like the idea of their significant other spending time alone with a "friend" of the opposite sex. This seems almost universal.
Also, the idea of having a wholesome relationship and entering the relationship as a wholesome person aren't appreciated enough by modern secular societies.
I have absolutely no problem at all with my husband spending time alone with a female (or a male), our marriage is stronger than that. No shade to anyone else’s situation but the level of faith & security that I have has come from many years together and I am very grateful for it.
Oh God thank you for saying this my Jewish brother and sister, Im a Muslim and I got so tired explaining this and why we should put boundary between women and men also why we dont shake hands with the opposite gender🤦♀️😭 ... Its really interesting the more I learn about Judaism the more Im blown out how we have so many similarities 😩
Yes becoz they are people of book, they follow torah, which was from Allah, but their people made some changes into that, so even today some commandments are from Allah which has not changed that's why there are some similarities between both the religion, judaism allows having beer, which is haram in islam, they are allowed to have it because they made changes as per their wish.
@@barkatunnisamohammedkalim848 on the note of making changes , one could make an argument that the companions of the prophet changed the religion after Mohammed’s death. Does that sound outlandish to you?
They didnt explaines really the Sex Life in Judaism which Alhamdulillah in Islam it is explained. Our Scholars go into Detail and teach us what is forbidden and what is allowed, what is Obligatory and so on. I think its important to speak about this things not in personal Experiences but on general without saying "I do this and that with my Spouse"but rather "This and that is good and this thing is forbidden".
Im so glad you both find simcha and fulfillment with your nomadic lifestyle and your respective relationships with G_d, you are both conveying his message on a global scale, regardless of the circumstances you both always and i mean always have huge smiles on your beautiful faces. Baruch Hashem Ahava Ma Shalom.
As someone who has worked with teens over two decades, while the kids may seem shy when you bring up a conversations like that, it’s provoking their thinking outside of their societal bubble. Also, boys want role models and guidance, but it is not likely they’ll seek it. Great job. I am certain that insight will not be forgotten, they’ll remember it even if they decide not to follow it.
Love this! You are a lovely couple. Thank you for this video. It is so hard to explain to people who are far from God. You explained it well. I am a Christain who lived in a mostly Jewish dorm in college. We have the same God and values.
Thank you for this video. I am 51 years old, was raised Methodist- never fit in. Have been fascinated with the Jewish faith my whole life, never knew why. About 2 years ago, I took an ancestry dna test and found out I was 4% Ashkenzi on my mother's side. She nor my grandmother was ever aware of this so I am reviewing information on RU-vid, articles from our local Hebrew College, The Jewish Book of Why, etc. What I am learning is that this is such a beautiful religion and way of life, I do wish I had been raised this way. Thanks for the video- and many blessings to you and your family.
The entire world struggles with this on a daily basis hounestly. We need each other & it's natural but it's also very easy to take a shortcut to fulfill this desire outside of what God intended. Good video & this is a life lesson for all ages.
I agree as well. 38 years married. He is also my best friend. I look forward to seeing him each day when he comes home from work. You two are a sweet couple. God bless you and. Love, jenwhite
This is where I disagree with the restrictive mindset (which is prevalent in many Conservative communities, not just Judaism or Islam) instead of being afraid of wrong feelings and temptations, we should see others as humans made in the image of God, worthy of respect. I am blessed to have had men in my life who are or were( some already passed away) close friends - with all dignity and purity. Instead of seeing each other as a threat, men amd women can treat each other as sisters and brothers. A healthy courtship for me would be based on knowing soneone as friends first. Sure, boundaries need to be in place.. that is true for same sex friendships as well.
The way humans have developed, at least in the Western world, it is necessary for the sexes to be in close contact, in many situations, especially in a work environment. There can be no argument that this openness has led to more intimate relationships. So, to try to remove this possibility, conservative sects have separated men and women in many settings. This does deny human nature, however, and these separations only force to the back burner, for a short time in human evolution, the need for both sexes to both work and exist in cooperation. And, in some societies where men and women are separated in this way, it is the women who are denied or deprived of the opportunity for education, advancement, and choice. And, when 50% of the population does not have opportunity, that society will have a difficult time in many, many ways.
@@yiddena I don't keep all rules But am not crazy to believe a dead person is alive and is mashiach That's crazy. Chabad is a like a Christian cult, it is not Judaism
Your videos are so great! Im an atheist but I have huge respect to you and your belives. Such a long history. Very interesting. Thank you for your videos.
Iam not Jewish Iam in England but I have to say these are brilliant morals you are illustrating and I think you both really cool people. Keep the videos coming!
This is so interesting. My husband’s best friend is a girl and she’s been in his life since high school. My best friend is a guy I’ve known since I was 15. Zero romantic emotions at all. They’re godparents to our son and we are godparents to their children. Very strange concept for some, I guess. Love your videos- I grew up in Monsey NY being the only non Jewish family in a neighborhood of Hasidic Orthodox. It was very hard growing up there because we weren’t very accepted or liked. I love your videos because they break that stereotype for me. It’s a beautiful religion- thank you for sharing with us!
I grew up being " best friends " with boys. The thing is the more I got older ( and more religious) my friends all became so much more meaningful. I realized it one time when i was coming back from my (all girls ) school to my friend group ( with boys) , I was sitting there talking with the people around me and i understood that i wasn't just talking to them, i was trying to connect our souls. Thats the thing, at a certain point i came to a place where all of my friendships were intimate, they were connecting souls. The only difference is that in my opinion when you have a connecting souls relationship with your gender thats friendship, when you have a connecting souls relationship with the other gender thats love. Just my thought.
@@shirrabinowitz1501 True friendship is always about connecting souls, what does sex/gender matter?? The difference between friendship and love is physical attraction 😎
I'm just subscribing to your channel and watching past vlogs. I totally agree with the reasoning behind this. I think those of us that are non Jewish could take quite a few pages from how you all do things when it comes to men/women relationships. My parents were very strict about my friendships. It does save the heart unnecessary heartache. I'm a believer there are certain things that should just be between a husband &wife.
Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, who say they are Jews and are not, but do lie - behold, I will make them to come and worship at thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.
I try to learn about Judaism and the more I learn, the more questions I get🤔. One for this episode is; can you as a married couple invite other couples to your home, or going to parties yourself as a couple? This channel is gold and I really appreciate your honesty and humour! /Swedish woman
Everyone should watch this video. You two bring a special dynamic to explaining the proper male/female relationship for the good of humanity. Very beautifully done. Oh that I was born a Jew. Maybe next time.
I grew up in an area,, with the exception of my family, was entirely Jewish, one section being ultra Orthodox. Seeing a public appearance of this kind is a first for me ! You are doing your faith a great service, toda, yachla !! Patricia. Florida 🏖️
Gosh, I am crazy about the two of you, and am so happy to have found your channel. For the most part I agree with everything that you believe...however, this notion that men and women have to be protected from some sort of sexual tension with the other is where I draw the line. Marriage is a choice. Temptation exists around every corner, HOWEVER, I don't want my religion to protect me from that temptation...it assumes that I don't have enough self control to manage how I interact with someone of the opposite sex. My husband and I have been married for 31 years. Both of us have worked and traveled extensively (because of work) with people of the opposite sex. Our commitment to each other is deep and pure and we have passed temptation all our married lives. Each time, we are faced with the possibility of temptation, and we move past it, it's a re-affirmation of our commitment to each other. Finally, for all your strict laws, there are notorious cases of sexual abuse amongst the Hasidic community in Williamsburg. So, it doesn't seem to me that your religious laws do not protect even your true believers.
I love how Muslims and Jews stick to their beliefs and have concepts they firmly stand up for. Muslims are the same way when it comes to marriage and relationships between different genders wow thanks for sharing.
I'm Greek Orthodox (Christian) and in my prospective I agree about everything you said. I'm just not entirely sure my faith agrees on the divorce part, I believe both sides should do sacrifices to make it work out. (I'd see marriage as a promise, commitment and sacrifice rather than happiness, but I'm not yet married, so who am I to say this?) But in general, thank you so much for this awesome video, I'm so glad it exists, and I'm sharing it with my friends. The world is disappointing nowadays because it's loosing values (more accurately, losing values). I wish all people in Europe can be like you guys. Sending you my best wishes from Vienna!
Happiness comes with compromises, respect. ,closeness, communication. Etc... Sacrifice is a very strong word in relation to marriage! God doesn't not want us to base our relationship on sacrifice!!
This is wisdom and this practice of separation of men and women in this way would have never allowed the "Me Too" disaster to happen and provides protection for men and women.
Me too but I probably wouldn’t have listened at that time. You have to be ready I think to take on the Mitzvot if you’re not FFB. I’m 66 now and taking baby steps.
Islam and Judaism is similar in so many ways. We also don’t show public display of affection between husband and wife. In the west it might seem a little rigid but honestly it’s taken very sacred in our religion and it’s very very personal thing
I think that this explains a lot to those of us who don't live this way and it's very healthy. It guards against potential problems and cements a relationship that develops into marriage. The main thing that I understand about this explanation is that a marriage involves 2 people and when or if a third intervenes in even an innocent way, it somehow dilutes the strength of the involvement of the 2 married people. In a secular setting it would be very easy for a husband to have a woman friend at work or go out for lunch with a woman co-worker. A prohibition of this stops any kind of potential emotional development. Your conversations of any kind being restricted to your spouse shows love and respect and a third party intervention would be something that married people shouldn't have to deal with. I get it. It has nothing to do with restricting one's freedom in society.
People are different. There is - and will never be - no one size fits all when it comes to personality, emotions, the way you express yourself as a person or as a man or a woman, feelings, the way you experience relationships, friendships, sexuality, sexual preferences or orientation. This system may work just beautifully for some people giving them peace, security and deep meaning, but still be a disaster for others if this way of life and all these rules doesn't fit who they are inside or what they want to do with their lives, and they are met with social pressure and made to feel ashamed of who they are and how they want to live their life.
I never realized this but now that you mentioned it, we as a culture have a habit of hugging everyone while greeting. And no hug, literally no hug gives me the closeness feeling that I want to get except for my husband's. To me it seems like it is much more a question of your mindset and how these are layed for you over the years. Of course, if you are not ever allowed to touch any living male, one handshake with a guy would be seductive.
This is so fascinating and beautiful. I’m wondering what happens if there is an emergency situation- for example, if a woman passes out and needs medical assistance or to be carried out to an ambulance- would the EMT’s not be allowed to touch her? What do you do in a situation like this one?
If it someone needs medical assistance than that would definitely be allowed. This is not only emergency’s though. Any kind of doctor can touch a patient of the opposite sex as long as it is for medical purposes only.
I fully agree men and women can't/shouldn't be best friends because feelings always happen and emotional attachment happens. I think you can be friendly, but not best friends. I learned this in my mid-20s with a male friend. When I was heartbroken and talking with my religious leader (My Bishop, I am LDS) told me that men and women are not meant to be "best friends" unless they are married. That "best friend" mentality/bond is what keeps marriage so great. That friendship needs to continue to be cultivated daily and when it is not, people go seeking that deeper intimacy/connection elsewhere and often with the opposite sex which then leads very often to adultery. People often give me a hard time because I do not display a lot of physical contact or affection with others, but I agree that it's something to be kept special and not just given to everyone male or female. I believe if I am spending time with you, that obviously I believe you are worth my time because if you weren't worth me caring for you, I wouldn't bother with spending time or talking to you. I do not need to hug you to show you I care.
didnt know how similar relationship approach is between islam and orthadox judaism! super cool, we also dont shake hands and we lower gazes. thanks for the informative video :0)
Oh, I don't know. One of my closest friends, who's quite a bit younger, is frum. I thought, when he remarried, that we'd have to stop being friends but his wife and I are now very close as well, which is a blessing because I got two for the price of one. Exceptions always exist.
Nice things.i have listened from your culture.i believe if a Jewish person follows their own customs and culture they’re a bestest person.they know their do’s and don’t.
Having grown up in a racially, socio-economically, religiously diverse neighborhoods. When I look back the one thing that all had in common was conservative, modest behavior. At no level was there ANY PDA. Although I was quite scandalized when a very nice, well behaved, engaged couple lost their minds for about 10 minutes. I was about 8 years old when I witnessed their PDA. Her parents house was 2 blocks away. The next thing I knew her dad was strolling down the driveway right behind her. Her father just softly said her name. He ignored her fiance. She came to her senses and put her hand over her mouth. Both she and her fiance immediately embarrassed apologized to her father. Someone had called her father. He couldn't have seen anything from their home. I never saw 👀 that PDA behavior ever again by anyone. Lesson learned by all. There were at least 15 kids outside playing. DEAD SILENCE.
Being a muslim ...we do all follow these rules strictly because it's for our protection and these beliefs makes sense also..... Btw it's interesting to know about jewish people and please make a vlog on how do u pray? Amd how many times it is obligatory? How do u purify (ablution)?
Something I don't understand is why a woman can't sing in public, in front of non-related men. Leaving Egypt the women lead the singing. I love to sing but not being able to sing in front of half of the population makes me sad.
No the women did not LEAD the singing, and why do you think they had tambourines. 2 reasons. They knew there would be miracles to celebrate, and to drown out their voices
Friendship has nothing to do with sex / gender, it's physical attraction which makes the difference 🙄 And on the handshaking issue, that's a cultural thing, and it would be rude to refuse a handshake in a place where handshakes are the cultural norm 🤔
Hello! Do you live in Sweden? I do and I’m a noahide, having a hard time finding a community around here. Especially orthodox community. Thought maybe you could help out? 🙏🏻 And I fully agree on all these points.
It makes since, in my culture we don’t have “laws” that keep us from being friends with the opposite sex, but I have been married 15 years now and both my husband and I have come to the realization that there is no such thing as friendship with the opposite sex once you are married.
