Problem is many ladies ask the “what do you do” question not because they’re interested in your career/passions, they’re mostly interested in how much money you (us guys) make
No. They're interested in how their own value will go up or down. Same goes for us men when we find out about how many bedpartners she've had. I think you'll be amazed how many women still don't care if you're financially stable.
Exactly! Most of them like the idea of the lifestyle and how much money a man makes. They don't care about the man as a person. Just the money and lifestyle they care about.
You went straight from dont make the date sound like a job interview to ask her " Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" which is the biggest job interview question I ever heard
It would be amusing to go on a date and just ask her obviously repurposed job interview questions. "What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?" "Tell me about a time you demonstrated girlfriend skills." "What did you least like about your last boyfriend?" "How do you deal with stressful situations?"
Getting a date and a job interview are 2 very similar events. The woman and the hiring manager have complete control of whether things move forward or not. Anything could get you knocked out of the running.
@@1bosstv only until you raise your standards and are willing to walk away from anything that is not your standard, then you choose if you match and meet their standards. stop giving them power over you, same as a job ive rejected jobs because they seemed like they would be atrocious to work for the way they run interviews. Desperation will lead to bottom of the barrel like the ones on ticktock, become more valuable then you will be the one picking who you choose to share your valuable time and energy with!
One of my cousins was set up on a date. The first question the lady asked was "What are your plans for the future?" His reply wes to see her naked. He did not get another date
I usually try to ask questions that give the person the opportunity to showcase their best self. I ask them about their passions, goals, dreams, etc. and when they get excited about something, ask them to elaborate and explain more. In general, it makes for a pleasant experience for them because people love being heard and it allows you to see a glimpse into their best self.
And it is SO much more fun to hear someone talk about something that excites them. They get animated and expressive. So much more fun to listen to than droning on about their 9-5 slave-wage slog every day.
I've been asked all these questions by many women. The outcome is an awkward feeling that makes a date feel like a tense interview rather than a fun time out. Maybe it's just me, but letting things just go organically and slow, not uptight and fast, makes the most sense.
I dunno it depends on the kind of person who you are, but I'd agree in an orthogonal kind of way in that I think maybe I should just let myself be a different more relaxed person than repeat mistakes of the past. Traditionally I've let things get really strong and intense but then often ends up falling apart within several months, or on the occasions where I guess it was me actually getting a real feeling about them it did last long but could sometimes be stormy. But what they had in common was this really intrusive, penetrating question kind of almost obsessive quality that was really nice. Well, I mean that wasn't even her, come to think of it I did date a girl said she was Borderline but oddly enough iirc she wasn't the one who bombarded me off the bat, she was one of the less obsessive of my exes(idk what that says honestly). So like, I would be perfectly happy and comfortable with that as a man mainly because it's showing interest and shows me she's really serious about this and actually being into me, as opposed to I guess the more anxious or casual style Courtney seems to be talking about that sounds much more noncommital and, not cheerful, "laid back" style I guess we'll call it. A more relaxed and noncommital approach to dating that I basically don't do, either I see the person as actually worth it and worth therefore not just my effort but actually opening up and trusting somebody I see myself sending a family Christmas card to in 20 years, or if I see it as that noncommital, that unobtrusive, that not intense, that it's probably I already knew it was going to fail within the first two dates anyway. So idk it has to do with my own walls and trust issues, I don't like letting anyone in, if I already made up my mind you are trustworthy, then you are probably trustworthy and I don't mind grilling nor intend to hide anything. I think that, ironically, that's why some of you guys are people I centrally don't trust at all, because so many of you just take it for granted to be hiding all sorts of things from each other and basically just take concealing and telling lies and mistrusting each other for being natural. If I don't trust you, why the hell am I sleeping with you? So those of you who take so much offense to the grilling come off to me as being standoffish and secretive enough, it's hard to explain because I am used to secretive women, but there's a difference between being a very secretive and private person, vs. being an outgoing person who's riddled with lies and conspiracies.
I think a good rule is to ask yourself "how would I feel if they asked ME this question?" before you say it. If women's number one thing they look for on a date is to feel comfortable, then asking questions that make them feel the opposite is not exactly going to go well for you.
if you ALREADY feel "uncomfortable", move on. There';s lots of wmen to date. Feeling at ease wit the other person is STEP 1 towards attraction and possible relationship.@@ect301fps
I had a great script to follow when I met my wife. I met her at work on her first day. I was supposed to train her on our computer system and also do a quick interview for our office newsletter’s spotlight page for new employees. The questions were along the lines of “What’s something you do for fun?” “What’s a dream of yours outside the profession?” They were all “fun” questions and turned out to be super ice-breakers. I left thinking, “she’s nice.” Oh, and I also noticed she had nice eyes… Yep kids, that’s how I met your mother!!!
@@LGDarksteed For training her on the computer and interviewing her for the company newsletter? I’m not sure I understand. I get how you have to be careful in the workplace, today more than ever, but what line was crossed in my example? Or are you suggesting that there just an inherent baseline risk in any interaction that is exploitable or misinterpretable in today’s world, so no matter what, we’re in trouble. I don’t mean to come down on you; I’d just like to know, thanks.
I mostly agree with the things you said. One thing though, call me old fashioned, but the being exclusive is a big thing for me. If you see other men, I'm not interested in you. Same goes the other way round, if I'm interested in you, I'm not seeing other women.
Asking where do you see this relationship going on a first date is actually insane I could not imagine someone ever asking something like that unerotically And I thought I needed help lol.
One girl I dated started asking me if I thought we'd get married less than a month into dating. When I said I don't know (because it was too early to know) she'd get mad at me. Lol! She was legit crazy, I was just too young and stupid to realize it at the time.
I got asked that one time from a girl I was just getting to know, she was from tinder and in the middle of the date she asked like: DO YOU LIKE ME ALREADY?
One thing to keep in mind when going on a date is to try to be friendly as you possibly can. If you approach the date with the idea of wanting a relationship, you will be more serious & tense. However, if you approach it as trying to meet new friends you will be more friendly, fun, outgoing, and in the end will have more luck with the ladies. Because, at the end of the day all of us, not just women, want to have FUN, no one wants to be around someone who is extremely serious, unless you are a serious person yourself. Additionally, most people enter relationships when the person they are with are enjoying their time, having fun, and as cliche as it may sound, enjoying the experiences of the world.
Yes but how many "friendly, getting to know you" dates does it take before you should inquire about how serious she is (assuming the guy is interested in a relationship). A guy posted this question after 5 dates and got BOMBARDED with accusations of "just wanting sex" and "moving WAY too quickly". I guess it varies from girl to girl but I think 5 dates is long enough to see if one should continue pursuing. BUT I guess I don't know anymore.
@@thefox47545 You make a fair point. However, I am going to go off a large assumption here that, most men want to pursue a relationship with a Woman because they just want someone to talk to. This approach I described may actually benefit the person if this is the case for them (just wanting someone to talk to). Because, if you go on dates with someone and they just become a friend, the more friends you start to have, the less desire you will have for pursuing a relationship because if all you are looking for is someone who is genuine and fun to talk to, your needs are being satisfied. And ultimately you start to become less desperate, and needy because you are having a fulfilling life by having many friends. Therefore helping you become more confident, and attractive to women
Right on yes I have to remain good one girls like mean guys they like men with strength but kindness bold and brave but light and gentle no women like it when a man trys to hard and not being them selves either keep the faith in God that he will keep building u up to the Godly man that women flock too
@@letsgetit90 I disagree.........I am not going to be doing x y and z in the hope that some woman may be interested! I live my life the way I want to and will find someone who can accept me for me! I ain't busting my balls for anyone!
A lot of these seem very intrusive and too much too soon. I had a girl one time tell me a pretty rough story about what her ex did to her. Mind you this was the second date so definitely an over-share. A question I like to ask on dates is “What’s the nerdiest thing about you?” This helps me get a sense of their interests and hobbies.
Ask her what “the gangsta thing about you?” that is how you know she is a ride-or-die chick. Looking for someone that can hold down the fork when I’m serving a long bid.
I have owned the following shirts: the book was better, Midvale School for the gifted with a drawing of a door (Gary Larson fans will get it), and Thesaurus with words like meteor, comet, end of time in the background. I wore those shirts until they got too old. I am very comfortable in my nerdiness. I used to proudly wear a comic book bracelet, too. If you can’t tell that I’m a nerd by looking at me, I must be doing something wrong.😆
I once had a girl, on our second date, ask me what the worst thing I ever heard of a person doing was. I thought it was a fun date conversation topic type thing. It wasn't. She told me about how she had three boyfriends cheat on her with her mother. It was too much too soon. And I met the mother later that night.
Important things as well: 0:45 First thing - What do you do; 1:09 agree with that as well; 1:15 Appropriate questions as well; 2:06 Second thing - What do you bring to the table; 3:50 So true that; 4:40 Better questions as well; 5:07 Third thing - What's your story; 5:38 Good questions; 6:47 agree with specific questions as well; 6:52 Forth thing - Why are you still single; 9:29 Fifth thing - Why did your last relationship end; 10:33 Sixth thing - Where do you see this relationship going; 11:27 Appropriate way of thinking as well; 11:43 just relax; 12:23 Seventh thing - Sexual questions; 13:05 Agree with that behavior as well (it's bad); 13:48 Agree with morals and values as well; 15:30 Eight thing - Are you seeing anyone else; 16:24 to summarize all the told things as well. I love when you have told that topic as well Courtney. I can say that what women don't like to ask, also men don't like some of these questions to be asked as well. Among the mentioned things that you have told (on first date), I can add also are: Ninth thing - How much do you earn; and Tenth thing - Why did you choose to do this job in company. Generally, all the told things can be also used in meeting some new people as well. I remember one thing that my father told me as well when I was little child as well. He told me this: "Son, when you're meeting new people, don't behave to them like this: Here is a heart on your palm." As for me I remember that some girls asked what type of the model kit airplane is this, then some of them asked me what's your hobby, and sometimes some of them asked me this about the hobby modeling: "Is hard for you to do that model kits." I'm telling you this, cause I had a chance that I have met some women that like doing model kits as well (believe it or not). Looking forward to see more topics to be done as well dear Courtney. Keep up the work 💪💪💪🦾🦾🦾. Love you 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤❤❤❤.
@@EriPages This was more as a support to her work. I just love her advice's as well. I'm not courting her at all (if you have thought that as well). I respect every women, and I give them support as well. Maybe you're a jealous guy, or maybe you're a hater? Cause if you are, my advice is to you to change your beliefs as well.
@Harikejn You've proved Me correct when you said, "I respect EVERY woman and support them" You are a simp at heart. You need to support Courtney who is engaged in a masculine way, not in a simp way
@@wyleecoyotee4252 Well, there are some people that are asking these kind of questions (honor exceptions to those who don't ask these kind of questions). The answer to your second question can be like this: "That depends from person to person."
I had a co-worker ask me “What’s your story” one time, and i agree with everything Courtney said lol, it’s such a vague question, i had no idea how to answer it
I like being sassy so i would respond with, i dont own it yet but my lawyers are suring up the final details as we speak, theyre so good, workin over time. Love those guys
I remember being asked these questions several times, and I've always found myself confused and not sure how to answer. Not in a boring way anyway. While it is a relief to know some boring conversations weren't my fault, can we get a follow-up on how to answer these questions, if we get asked them?
It depends; if you struggle to give an answer then you might need to some self talk and establish that info in your mind beforehand. However, if it's a matter of her not being satisfied with the answer then more likely than not she's a gold digger.
Be playful with it. Find an answer that misinterprets the question without or is an obviously absurd answer. If that doesn’t work then tell jokes that communicate discomfort. Something that works for me is a third-person conversation insert that lets me take advantage of my ability to put on a fun and playful accent, like a 1920s private eye, or a cowboy, or even a girlfriend and pretend like we’re scheming to squeeze a guy for information; as if I’m not the guy being squeezed 😂.
Most girls on dating apps get mad when you ask them what their passions are .... I've tried so many times and they all get mad or don't respond....must be because they don't have any passions or hobbies
I agree with "Why are you single?" question 100%. I don't like this question as I feel it kind of puts me on the defensive. I would imagine it would make women feel the same way. There are many factors and not all have to do with a person's personal flaws. Sometimes, relationships just don't work out or you haven't met the right person
Ironic as women have asked me lots of these questions…and for the same reasons you made this video, the questions were just as off putting for me as well 😂
@@QMS9224 Which ones? And for which reasons? And are there any questions that are OK to ask women but not men, or are women just so fragile that we need to protect them at all costs? ;-)
That could be down to presentation, or this woman refuses to be happy because she'd rather be a victim which in that case you should run. These people do not want to become Victorious over their hardships, they want to be pitied and we call those people for the full because that is pitiful and even pathetic but hey not everybody wants to grow up
No no no you missed part of it, you have to ask questions then pretend you actually care about the answers. If you ask her about her hobbies then just phase out for five minutes it doesn't quite work.
This entire video is pointless fluff. All you gotta do is bang them until they love you. Every girl I took on dates put me in the friendzone. Every girl I dated started with a first night hook up. Currently in a 2 year relationship and I've only took her on 3 dates. Was banging her for about 4 months before I took her on a first date. The more I banged her the better I got at pleasing her and the more she fell in love with me. That's the simple truth you need to know to get a girl. All you gotta do is talk your way into her pants the day you meet her and bang her better than any other guy ever has and she'll be yours until the next guy out performs you. That's when she starts to act more and more distant until she ghosts and dumps you.
Trying not to provoke anyone's shame/guilt about themselves is a good rule of thumb. I've always been comfortable being an open book, as long as the questions were asked, but oftentimes, most people do not since they are more apprehensive than I am. I'm probably the most extreme on that spectrum.
Hi Courtney, once again, another great and down-to-earth video! Can you make a video on dating/relationship advices for busy people? What if people want enter a relationship but afraid that they won't have the time for other person. I know that if we truly want something, we should be able to make time for it, but sometimes it is just very hard when other areas in your life (schools, work, family...) are also demanding for your time. Thank you!
I can attest that you can have a relationship even if you are very busy but it will require both partners willing to make time. My girlfriend lives in a different city than I do but we meet on the weekends. It's OK that she lives far away because we both have extremely busy lives during the week. We have been doing this for almost 6 years now and the relationship is still going strong. We talk every night before we go to bed to keep the relationship alive. Good luck, it can happen.
I think the “what do you bring to the table” question is more of a rhetorical question to highlight how women aren’t really expected to bring anything significant (jobs, money, etc.). I don’t think it is for a first date, or any date at all. Definitely turns the date into a job interview
This is so funny!!! The question of “what do you do?” Happens to be the first question that most women ask within the first 10 minutes (if you manage to get a dialogue). I’ve been on many speed dating events and other singles events. It NEVER fails. It’s the first question women ask. I’m honestly surprised that any guy would lead with such a question
This video had a lot of strange questions, some of which are rude in any way but I think with the 'what do you do?' question there's a different gender approach to this? As a guy, I feel for myself and other guys invested in their job don't mind this question at all, our identity can come from the job we sink our time in. Of course there's some negative reasons to ask this.
And guys... contrary to female dating advice... you do not have to dress or act a certain way or say the right thing to get a girl... If she likes you, you almost can't mess up. To the contrary... if she doesn't like you... all the dinners and flowers in the world won't get her attracted to you.
@@deedub0617 If you're just talking about sex then sure, it's pretty hard to talk a guy out of wanting to have sex with an attractive girl (although I have seen it happen, she just has to say something ridiculously stupid/crazy). But when it comes to an actual relationship most guys these days are on the lookout for red flags.
A number of years ago (in my 30s) on a 1st date in a coffee bar and after 30-40 minutes of getting to know each other she asked, "What's the downside?" I didn't know what she meant. She explained by saying "You're attractive, intelligent and single so what's the downside?" Somewhat shell-shocked I tried to list personal negative attributes like procrastination etc. but she wanted something deeper to explain myself. There really was no correct answer. I mean she was my age and single but it never crossed my mind to ask her why. Of course back then we didn't have the internet much less the wisdom and wise advise of Courtney to guide us through the dating jungle. Thank you Courtney for all you do today!
It can obviously be very anxious for both on a first date. It’s served me well in the past to focus on planning the date itself and allow for you to flow naturally during the experience. E.G you can take her to an observation deck you’ve been wanting to go too. And take great photos then perhaps a short exhibition then dinner. Through the experience you can just be yourself while bonding. Furthermore, I don’t think it’s bad to say if asked that you’ve recently started to truly focus on self development a list a few examples… commitment to start an exercise routine or read and write more. Or simply explore new places and cultures. This shows a growth mindset that no doubt she would be interested to join in on.
This was a great video once again. On a similar note, be aware that whatever question you ask someone is completely fair game for the other person to ask the same question back to you once you have answered. Yes, there are definitely questions that are first date questions and others that should not be asked until date two, three, etc.
Lmfao i suppose to keep dating a woman BUT i can't ask if she's seeing anyone else. honestly how ignorant & pathetic. someone needs to be introduced to this modern world
I'm so glad I've never asked these questions before lol. I get super nervous on first dates but luckily didn't spit one of these out. I have a few friends who speak like this to random women when we are out and they arent even on dates which is super awkward.
YES! The number of times I’ve been asked “what attracted you to me” is way too many. Here’s the deal. All of society has been telling me I shouldn’t put as much stock in your appearance and I don’t know enough about you to say anything else. Y’all want me to give you a chance? Then stop punishing me when I do! 9 times out of 10 I didn’t see any immediate red flags and decided to get to know you before deciding if I like you. How am I supposed to answer honestly without hurting your feelings? Asking this question comes across as fishing for compliments and also moving way too fast. Give me time to get to know you and I’ll tell you on my own time.
Asking , “What do you bring to the table?” It’s like someone asking you, “how much do you make?” The question on body count… This came up once when I was dating someone. We were both 27. She was alarmed that I had 4 exgirlfriends. She had 1 ex boyfriend. It contradicted a different story. Apparently she had slept with a coworker that another coworker was interested in. I asked for clarification. She said “that was just casual sex” and “it wasn’t serious”. It turns out that she had a lot of 1 night stands in college. I’ve found, or I assume that if someone gives you vague comments, in which they don’t elaborate; assume they’re hiding something.
Well the fact that enough people ask these questions that you felt compelled to make this list sure makes me feel good about myself, so I guess I benefitted from it in that way 🤣
I have a date this weekend with a gal, and I agree I like to keep it light and fun, no pressure just getting to know each other appreciate your input! One thing I'd like to see you cover is the male height issue. statistically only 14.5% of men are over 6ft tall. Yet statistically 80% of women on dating sites are looking for a man over 6 ft! That's what I found because I was curious about the topic . Being six foot three myself I don't have problems meeting gals online. But height maybe a problem for a lot of men unless they're extremely fit and rich! LOL. Can you interview your peer group and ask them what they think? That would definitely be interesting and a real sampling of what they really think. Appreciate what you do Courtney keep up the great work!
Yes, many women are indeed looking for a taller guy (more than six foot tall.) Keep in mind however that what initially attracts a woman to a man, may or may not be the definitive feature to seal the deal long term.
@@frenchfan3368 Unfortunately, with dating apps being the norm these days, you can't even show a girl your other traits if she refuses to ever talk to you because of your height.
🙏🏼Definitely open doors for me to prepare myself for this one particular girl that I wanted to ask her out, super cute beautiful woman. I think I’m ready for a relationship but worry that I might scare her away with awkward conversations not knowing what to say. Ever time I mean all the time she passes by my workplace she always gives me a smile, i smile back not knowing if I should approach her. After watching this video gives me confidence n courage. It’s been a while for me on the dating world lol 😆 wish me luck. Thank you Courtney for the amazing tips. Really appreciate all your advice and suggestions always on point. 🙏🏼
Does she smile at everyone she passes by at your workplace, or mainly just you? Some people have very bubbly personalities, and smile at most people they come across (personally I'm pretty reserved but still smile at most people I interact with, I believe a simple smile can brighten somebody's day!). Even if she is that type of person, does she smile at you in a different way than others? If you notice it's mainly you/ it seems like she is trying to get your attention, she's sending you a signal to talk to her bro! At the end of the day nothing negative will manifest by you approaching her, it's only how you perceive the hypotheticals of the interaction! She will either be into you or won't, be authentic and muster up the courage to approach my guy! I'm guessing that you have a fair amount of anxiety towards dating based on your comment (as do I in a lot of situations, I'm 25 now and never went on a legit date/ asked out a woman in person until I was 23 lol, but it was stepping out of my comfort zone by asking the woman out that has gave me more confidence for the future.) Taking the plunge from your comfort zone into the unknown is the only way to develop yourself, you'll never know what could have been/what it could be unless you talk to her. You wrote this 3 weeks ago so I hope you have talked to her by now, but if you haven't yet this is your sign from the universe to just do it! I hope things go well for you with this cutie ;)
@@nathancrafts Wow bro didn’t know another brother would give me support and courage to talk to this beautiful girl.. Yes I kinda notice that she always glances at me in different directions where I’m standing or sitting at, you know that smiles that you really like someone? Yeah.. that smile. Either her and her friends sometimes, or it’s by herself walking by.. We’ll the problem is now that I got promoted at my workplace got me moving to another location now, she probably thinks I either quit or fired lol 😆 so that case now I just let it go. It’s weird that ever since I’m about to make my move, I’ve got relocated just because of my promotion job position, 🤦♂️ it’s like a fairytale now lol 🤣 I really like to take her out for a coffee or dinner something just to get to know her, but I don’t know man… but yeah bro 👊thanks for sharing your thoughts really appreciate it man.
@@popofilipo7114 You're welcome bro! Even if you don't have an opportinity to see that girl again, that situation can be a lesson to take action in the future! She was definitely interested, who knows maybe you will get your chance with her again
"What do you bring to the table?" is a question/phrase I see a lot in comments. It's a question you should be asking IN YOUR MIND about her, you don't say it to her, Geez, (unless you are in 'ending the relationship' argument). In the beginning, it is a very logical and reasonable question to ask yourself about her, but what use actually to ask her? Do you want a load of glory she thinks about herself? You're there filtering her (and she you), both are evaluating each other. You don't ask her to evaluate herself generally. Start nibbling around the edges with questions and hypotheticals and she will reveal who she is in a more honest way. "What's your story?" OMG this is so lame. "What do you bring to the table?", "What's your story?" These type questions are lazy. You get the answers to these questions one little piece at a time if ACCURACY matters to you. You aren't going to get a realistic picture of her from sound bite questions. You put a picture of her together like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, a question for each little piece. If a woman asked me "what's your story?" I would immediately think she isn't very cerebral, the question is pedestrian and vague. The ONLY correct answer to such a question is; "Could you be more specific?" "Where do you see this date going?" NEVER ask such a question. You are there to find out, BUT NOT BY ASKING directly. This is such a lame question. Even if she answered "to your bedroom", it would NOT be a good answer. Ask lots of small questions that she doesn't or at least shouldn't need to think about. When you/they think about the answer you're/they are censoring the response or concocting a clean reply. That's not rigorously honest. Quite the contrary. Small questions, lots of them. Keeps conversation going and gives a clearer, more accurate picture. And NEVER body count questions. You'll not get an honest answer if it's viewed by her to be high, or she thinks you'll think it's too high. A fairly accurate perception of her body count will become clear during filtering. It's more likely that she might ask YOU a body count type question. Have an answer ready for that.
I always split the check. They get mad. I have to tell them I'm traditional and take care of my woman. You are not my woman. You have to earn that spot.
An alternative to the "bring to the table" is, "What is your favorite part of being in a relationship?" That will tell you how they view their role and what they consider important.
Re: the "where do you see this going?" question, @Courtney I'm curious about your thoughts on 1) how soon it should be asked; 2) who (in a hetero relationship) should ask it, the guy or the girl.
I ask 2) cuz I've heard advice like "women are emotionally driven, so it's best when they've eventually gotten into their feels and suggest it first" vs "guys should be the initiator", so I'm conflicted by these two pieces of advice
as a woman, i'd like to say that many women aren't emotionally driven, and things shouldn't be gender locked. but i do think "where do you see this going" should be asked when you feel like it's time to make a decision on whether to establish the formal relationship or move on to your next candidate.
@@dian277 I don't see the point of asking this question. You hang out and the answer to that question is evident by what happens while hanging out. By asking that question what are you looking for exactly?
@@SystematicMechanic sure, may times it is shown, but there're also times when people are ambiguous or slow on taking hints. it may not be necessary for everyone to ask, but they should if they feel the need
I can agree with 99% of this. The "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" is too job interview like. That's a top question in an interview. I'd like to see a "What questions not to ask men and what you should ask." See if it's any different.
Hi Courtney, great video! I like how you gave alternatives from a very staightforward question (which I feel is how most guys think) to a more elegant and nuanced question, but that gives the same answer. Ive found success in asking more fun type questions that also reveal their values morals etc. Some of my favorites are If you could get any tattoo what would it be and whats its meaning? And then Describe your ultimate retirement scenario.
I love the phrase "emotional vomit." That's new to me. :) Part of me is thinking that I shouldn't be asking questions to my dates, but just draw the answers out of them. "Tell me what you love." "Tell me what a good day feels like to you." "I like you already. Just talk to me."
"What's your body count" IS a nessesary question. Technically not on the 1st date. But if you are looking for purity and are pure yourself, then maybe. If your going on a date with someone and you don't ever plan to marry someone with a count higher than 0, then its best not to waste any more of their and your time.
If you can’t figure it out after a couple of dates you don’t want to know the answer. People reveal things about themselves without answering that specific question
@@rickyaz8640 That is correct. However, there are some people who are really good at living a double life and scamming you. We usually refer to them as a conman. Main point. People need to cut the crap and the mind games. Be intentional. Edit; We DO want to know the answer. Otherwise you may be put in a bad position with a bad person. Its better to believe a negative truth than a positive lie.
i agree, if you have any die-hard deal-breaking requirements, it's best to get it out on 1st date, so you won't waste anyone's time, best if you post it on your profile if you use online dating
Ask when’s the last time you had sex (when you’re comfortable with the person) when was their last relationship, how many relationships have they been in, how long is their longest relationship and their typical length. You’ll get the answer with those questions.
I think the asking of the body count is totally valid, because finding out 10-20 dates in when you have committed/invested time and money that your current girlfriend has slept with x number of guys or walking down the street there is a good chance of being spotted by an number of older boyfriends. Its also difficult to spot by just talking about past relationships, that alone will trigger in her mind "what are you asking?" So when is it a good idea to ask because you are not going to just find out because you guys spend time together.
Meh, we will be having a chat and hanging out before some formal "date" BS which sounds silly anyway. You either are interested or you're not. And not answering my question proudly with a ZERO means I will take all the awesomeness I offer elsewhere.
I like Courtney. She seems like a real sweetheart who offers sound advice for the most part, an anomaly for a woman giving men advice about women. But I respectfully disagree about avoiding anything sexual on the first date. To the contrary, I find the use of sexual innuendo, provided it's quick witted and laced with humor, if it comes natural and not forced, can be quite effective. If the prior setup essentially puts it on a tee, don't self-censor. HIT IT. If you want to see a perfect example of how it's used, and how effective it is when used correctly, just watch any of Craig Ferguson's old interviews with beautiful actresses and models. I can flirt with the best of them, but Craig was the king and sexual innuendo (playful) was a HUGE part of his game. The response was always positive, like giggling, laughing, blushing etc. Often times the girl would answer his sexual innuendo with sexual innuendo. Lastly you could tell they admired his courage, TO GO THERE, and best of all it plants a seed to keep you OUT of the Friend-Zone. Most girls won't resent you for it. If anything they'll admire you for being honest about your intentions, but not obscene.
Her past matters. At some point ask the girl you're out with this: "if I was to call up all of your exes, told them who I was, and that I'd like to date you...what would they tell me about you?" Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
@@deedub0617 yes you do do this. But ask it in a joking manner. She's going to want to know about your exes and HOW her past relationships have gone will most likely be how yours goes.
Those responses you might get from his/her exes are only one side of the story. Keep in mind that every story has two sides; the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I'm quite a bit older than your average viewer, but as a widowed 68-year-old who dates only occasionally and with women in my own age bracket, my favorite question is "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Normally, it's received with laughter. But I only will ask that if we're having a fun, playful time and it's obvious that she's got that "young at heart" approach to life. It helps if one can "read the room" so to speak. Appreciate your channel.
Watching the video... when you said "what do you bring to the table?" I was literally shocked! Wow! I just interviewed someone today, and I wouldn't have even asked that question in an interview setting. So many better ways to extract that kind of information.
I had a girl ask me what is the sweetest thing you've done for a woman? I answered, "Well, I turned a suicidal woman into a happy, healthy successful professional woman." She said, "No, what is the sweetest gesture?" I think to myself, "I'm sorry, but is that not enough?" I SAVED the woman's life from the brink of death. I calmly say that this is turning into an interview, and I lost interest. I unmatched her. Dating has turned into a job application/interview process, and then when they "hire" you, you get the distinct pleasure of women letting you spend all of your money and resources on them. Stay strong and stay single, kings.
She asked what's the sweetest thing you did to get an idea of wether your a gentlemen or an asshole. You answered with a heroic gesture. She didn't ask for that. And no that's not considered sweet or cute. It's heroic look up the definitions for clarity. So she tried to explain her original intent and you respond with this feels like an interview I'm done. Let me ask you do you think you are a gentleman or an asshole? Cops save lives medics save lives guess what they can still be assholes and abusive. Just cause you saved a life doesn't give you a free pass nor does it make you a gentleman.
@elmateo77 lol also not sweet. Ya must have jaded views of women. Sweet would be i held the door open for a lady. Or I gave my seat up on the bus. Or I could tell my coworker was upset so I picked up the pace and left her more slack at work so she could properly pace herself. If the only sweet things ya can come up with is money then that might be why ya can't find good women. It's cause ya treat them like all they care about is money. Hell I bet the moment ya meet ya dates ya so busy judging them ya barely take the time to get to know them. Otherwise you would have been passed the what's the sweetest thing you have done test. Given ya attitudes ya wouldn't be able to pass it anyway unless your specifically aiming for goldiggers. Since the sweetest things ya can think of only involve money.
@B K your description doesn't fit an interview is what I was trying to point out. It looks like you got mad because you couldn't answer her question without trying to sound like some big shot guy. I mean who answers that question on such a somber note. It's a date like you said not a job interview. Like dude she asked for sweet. I could see if there had been more to it but from the looks of it that one question had you leave the table. That's not an interview that's a tantrum.
What I gathered/understood from the first question you mentioned in the video is, ask more inquisitive questions that gets her to think more. Less generic questions.
I bought some dating conversation cards. There are some good ones in there. What do you enjoy about your job? What is your normal routine after work? If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do today? What are your goals this year? What do you enjoy about living in....?
It would also depend on the culture of the girl too. My Japanese fiance wasn't a talkative person naturally but enjoyed listening to me talk and asking her questions sometimes. She preferred showing actions of love more than just saying them.
“What do you being to the table?” My ex asked me this many times while he saw me crying. He had his life together and I dumped him for being an as*hole many times. Now he is doing drugs, broke and calls me everyday crying to tell me I made his life better and that he misses me. It pains me to see him like that but when you really love someone you DONT ask them that or mistreat them.
She had some good points but also some arguably unhelpful or invalid points as well. For example, the problem she has with “what’s your story” then proceeds to say why it’s bad from her perspective bc she is naturally an anxious person. Yes true enough it’s vague but not all ppl walk around being anxious. While on the one hand it’s vague you now have the opportunity to have fun with it I.e. well I’m from a place called earth and I come in peace. Something lighthearted and playful showing you have a sense of humor and don’t take everything so super serious. Of course it can go anywhere. Well I’m originally from the states but my parent were born in Germany. The conversational opportunities are endless. She just may lack the ability to navigate socially and that’s ok. Another point she goes onto to say is ask more direct questions like “ Are you from here” and proceeds to say “No, I’m from *inserts city and proceeds to offer up information not asked*. Are you from here? Is a close ended question. Not all introverted people will open up and offer more info about themselves. So some good points and some not so good.
I got asked how did my last relationship ended. Dunno what she would extract from that and its just not something I am confortable talking with almost total stranger. First meetings shouldnt be about extracting the past. But about more light- hearted stuff. I reallyy like your suggestions at start about questions to find out more about the person.
I had a girl ask me the fourth one, "Why are you still single." I answered it honestly, but felt strange about her asking me that considering that she wasn't that much younger than me. Courtney's right about that one, it's too presumptuous and hasty to ask outright. Those things will reveal themselves in time.
I always have answered that question with... "Because women are dumb." Once that question comes out it's over anyways, finishing it Is appropriate. If she agrees, then it might not be over.
A conversation shouldn't be a therapy session or a job interview. Ask questions on what they really want to do......passions.....hobbies......outside interests....traveling.....what they like to do in their spare time. Goals and personal accomplishments. Not dull, boring,and insignificant questions. Some local, national, or world news events. A natural flowing and easy-going conversation.
my biggest tip of advice is to ask questions that get people to talk. So you can ask about pets, hobbies, and if your date goes particularly well, you can use this one to your advantage, food. I also like to ask, what’s their favorite dinosaur. Because they normally gets a chuckle out of them, and if a girl has a favorite dinosaur, she can’t be all bad. But just ask questions that get her talking, and answer any of her questions she asks you honestly. But I’d generally try to let my day do most of the talking, I just try to ask questions, because then they want to get to know me, and it typically leads to a second date.
What do you do from a women especially as the first question or two is an instant shutdown and walk away for me. I've seen it on apps and on dates. I get it from their perspective as they might be looking for someone with the same ambition or think Itll help cut ice. But from my experience and perspective it's clear cut as to what you can do for them which is a road to a one way street.
I will admit, I sometimes still feel like an incel despite having a girlfriend, probably because I feel that my 20s were a waste, didn't have a serious relationship until the beginning of my 30s. It causes me to envy and resent couples out there younger than me, people who got to experience having a serious long-term relationship before I did and yes I know people will always say comparison is the thief of joy or don't compare yourself to others. But I believe it's always has been and always will be part of the human psyche, been that way since the beginning of time to feel upset and depressed when you feel you are not part of the norm. So yeah because of that I feel like a forever permanent incel for all time even though I would have eventually escape single and celibacy.
"What do you bring to the table" is a question that seems most often generated by those who don't actually have a table to begin with and are looking to use someone else's. If you're in your frame, holding yourself by your values and principles, then that will speak for itself across all situations at any given time. The table is only useful when it is consistently there and can bear the weight of not only the lightest of things, but also the heaviest. So, to consider the question of the table in the first place is to acknowledge to the world that you do not, yourself, have a table. In a desperate search to feel grounded, you're seeking grounding in someone/something else, which is always a case of falling out of your frame.
"What do you do" is a safe starting option as it does not imply she actually has a job. She may be "between jobs" or do something different. I think more specific questions are great, but fortunately you are not limited to just one question. If it's a normal job I think it's great to ask what she likes most about it, or how she got into that field of work. Those are great suggestions for follow-up questions.
The "what do you bring to the table" question will answer itself. Because as your relationship moves forward, you'll gather more insight into that person. And decide if this is the partner for you. Dysfunction, damage, and narcissism, don't show up at first. But if they're in there? You'll see it.
Just for her to say that the foundation is built upon values and morals similarities deserve a like for this video. I think that is why "soul mates" are labeled bc it is difficult to find someone with the same or with similar values.
first-- disagree about the "body count" question. in this scenario, the date is going well, i am really interested in her, and I want to know if she is a bed-hopping skank, or, has had a modest amount of relationships. this is discussed on many channel, and goes directly to her ability to be loyal. I have never dated multiple women at the same time, so the "exclusive" question is going to get asked. not as a " or else", i want to know, if later ON, and we are much more of a couple, it has to be exclusive, she says no, never, like, even up to the point of getting married ( yes, there are girls spouting that nonsense ), i want to know NOW, before i waste valuable time, and a sh**ton of money, on a dead end. so yes, i want to know body count, and depending on her age, will decide if I would accept that # as reasonable or not. and, i want to know if she will at least entertain the thought of being exclusive, IF, down the road, we are a much more attached couple. as for questions.. i like to ask what were some favorite hobbies as a kid, and did you carry any of those with you into adult life ? do you have favorite summer vacations you remember, or hope to recreate with someone... what movies and books do you like.. favorite foods, lease favorite foods, hate crowds, love busy places.. all give me a feel for that persons likes, dislikes, general nature, show me some emotion, did they love their family, have a good childhood, all things that affect who they are NOW, and "our" ability to have a future.
@@andersnielsen6044 and you missed my, and many others, entire point.. and you are completely wrong in "dating for the wrong reasons".. it has to do with loyalty, the ability to STAY with ONE guy, and if YOU dont see that, good luck if you end up with some woman who lies, and says "its only 50", and she is 22, and its more like 350..
@@andersnielsen6044 educated adult woman.. is not someone who sleeps with 350 guys... you dont seem to be able to wrap your head around simple human behavior..guessing you are,, maybe, 20 ?? tops ?? as you dont have any real world experience it appears.. hey, YOU are fine with an insane body count, you can deal with that on YOUR end.. good for you,,not trashing you for that.. only questioning your logic on HER end.. NOBODY anywhere on here, agrees with you.. everyone says, over and over, a woman with a really HIGH body count, has NO built in loyalty or self control... your ignoring that, doesnt change HER mental state or her loyalty to you.. so again.. you miss my entire point, which is glaringly obvious...
Timing is everything so I think that would play a key part in getting an answer at all let alone the truth. When would it be appropriate to ask ones body county and what do you think the probability of getting a truthful answer would be? Great video. I love your content and agree with over 98 percent of it.
If it's a 1st date, ask her questions about the things she says. If your questions show interest in what she's talking about, are relevant, YOU (the guy) are filtering away, while showing interest. You don't sit down with a list of generic questions, you glean your questions from what she's talking/says about. She's interviewing herself mostly, you are just throwing softballs for her to hit and keep it going. If you are having fun and paying attention, responding with interest in what she's telling you, will tell you a lot more than the words she says. Personality is a thing. Important aspects of character are the seasoning of your personality. Do this for an hour and you'll know more than 100 questions.
The Last question regarding Body count related to are you dating (likely sleeping with others) . Yes, Men must know this . Asking on the 2nd date is a waste of time and not knowing puts Men at risk NOT Women.
Do you have tattoos? what's your body count? have you ever dyed your hair a crazy colour? do you want children? can you cook? do you get on with your parents? do you use tiktok? do you have an onlyfans? have you been in many relationships? tell me something interesting about yourself? done. No need to waste time if you fail these
The "what do you bring to the table?" question made me think about does a partner add value to my life and would I add value to someone else's. I'm 23 on my way to becoming a Marine and most of the things I want I'm heading towards. So it doesn't really make sense for me to be in a relationship. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship because being in one doesn't really align with any of my goals so I don't think I'd be a good partner.
If you're on a date with a woman with one or more of the following: Lot's of tattoos, piercings, dyed hair or ultra tight clothing, the 'body count' question pretty well answers itself.
Don't know about dating proper but since I once decided to embark on a months long travel , some years ago , I might say this... When I met a lot of people in short span , I noticed that a lot of people have this bad habit of asking a sequence of disqualifying questions. . How old are you ? What do you do for a living ? What did you study in college ? . etc.etc. Even worse , some people made me feel I was in police station with their stiff questions . A good idea is to stay with neutral subjects and learn as you go.
I don't ask such questions. I don't ask my friends. I ask about hobbies & interests. I meet acquaintances at sports meetups. Within 5 minutes I am asked: Where you live & grew up, do you owe a house or property, what are your plans to owe one, what you do for a living, where you went to school, & how did you get here. People walk away when I say, "I will answer your questions as long as you also answer them too." Some women make assumptions. Since I am a local, I know absolutely nothing about my culture. (Reason not to show interest). When I tell them about cultural traditions, they are shocked & remain disinterested. Why? Because it is too much work - having to learn to cook from her parents & future in-laws, having to attend family gatherings (her & mine), having to be active parents (taking our children to extracurricular activities together). I'd learn too! Teamwork is essential in raising a family. This tells me I'd have to do everything. Huge red flag. Married women or women in long-term relationships advise me to stay clear of those types of women.
Men, try your best to be engaging. Ask questions that provoke an emotional response. Ask open ended questions that you both can elaborate on. The key thing to remember is a woman's absolute favorite subject is her. So ask questions that relate to her. When she answers repeat her answer and follow up with more "How does that" type questions. Try not to talk about yourself at all. Keep the focus on her. Absolutely nothing even close to sexual. If she happens to ask about you, answer quickly and get the subject back on her. Remember the only thing women like more than money is talking about themselves. When your date is over. Go do something that you actually want to do. I'm sure you can think of 10 other things more enjoyable than being put through a test of her standards. Go MGTOW and be 100% responsible for your happiness rather than relying on someone who lives strictly off emotions, feelings, and hormones. Adopt a dog if you want 100% respect and love.
Recently I've noticed more than one female content creator say "no bodycount" questions all of a sudden and I disagree pretty strongly. I think it's one of the most valuable questions I can ask a woman in terms of whether or not I will be interested in anything beyond casual, if at all. I'm trying to qualify/ disqualify women as fast as I can and I don't have any interest in spending six months trying to find out if I'm compatible with her when this one question will do it in seconds. That said, there are probably better ways to structure the question.
Thanks ,I was so scared to talk to girls ,but now I fell that’s girls do actually like men ,so I’m now able to ask this beautiful lady out ,so thanks 😀😀
Man usually care about a woman's past woman usually care about a man's future. So "why did your last relationship end" is a must to ask. Baggage is a real thing.
I feel like the last few months I've been re-learning dating, since I no longer sub, follow, or support a dating coach I once did. And only red pillers ask "WhAt Do YoU bRiNg To ThE tAbLe?" Or asking about body count
@@tommygunn6901 Redpill questions serve 2 purposes. 1) Forces an OODA loop reset. 2) Exposes the mindset of the women. If this is a turn off for her, so be it. She wasn't worth your time anyways. If her mind explodes, you just avoided crazy. Yes OODA loop is real. YT search Fat Electrician OODA loop.
This may sound like a weird question and I'm married so not looking to date. I still want to get perspective on how things are today for the sake of advising friends. How can someone approach it if they have a hard value/boundary of not dating someone who is or might sleep with other people? It's obviously a touchy subject so what's your perspective in navigating that.
I wouldn't push the conversation towards sex early on like Courtney said, but if the conversation does happen to flow towards the subject (which it inevitably will if there is any chemistry) I think a good way to phrase a question aimed at exclusivity/ you will most likely be able to read between the lines based on their answer is; "How do you value sex?" which could be elaborated on if they choose. I believe how they answer this will imply how they approach dating. They will either be free spirited, or very selective with how they choose their sexual partners. For me personally after 2-3 dates/ a month of talking if I come to know they are dating/sleeping with other people and want to continue doing that past that timeframe I'm out. I don't understand how people expect to build a connection/ lay the groundwork for something long term if they are dividing attention between 2-4 or however many other people. I'd rather be patient and focus on one lady at a time rather then divide my attention with others. IMO if a person is dating the same few people for longer than 1-2 months, that mindset is rooted in scarcity ( If they are looking for something long term). I think a true abundance mindset in the dating market is focusing on one person at a time, and believing you will meet the right person eventually if things don't work out with the person you are currently seeing. I suppose I'm old fashioned for how I approach things, I'm going to take her out to dinner and just see where things go. If conversation isn't flowing it won't last anyways.
I think, in general, the comments on time and place are good. I think the idea of first-dates happening with complete strangers is really unhealthy. Generally, all of these questions and all of these alternatives are best avoided. If you just met someone then you shouldn’t be on a date, imo. It closes the door to natural interactions. To me, a date is an opportunity to share yourselves in a personal manner without requesting vulnerability or exposure. And this goes both ways. I would recommend talking about experiences and if you feel the need to phish for engagement, then ask for opinions on real or hypothetical topics. Instead of asking what someone is passionate about, ask them what they think about. People love to talk about what they’re passionate about! You never have to ask because they will make sure that you know. Create easy, closed ended questions that don’t ask for too much thought on the spot or offer up vulnerability. And more important than coming up with good questions is learning how to drive a conversation. When you learn how to drive a conversation into fun topics you’ll start seeing this wonderful thing where you never really finish a topic and keep looping back to 3 or 4 different conversations. And honestly, I would literally never avoid being sexual on a first date. Flirting is so much fun! Tact is important, but no flirting means no fun; to me anyway, but my personality type doesn’t work well with rigidity. I’m somewhat agreeable and open and often characterized as an intuitive and divergent thinker. And that’s probably the most important point. Know yourself and what you’re interested in and what your boundaries are. And respect when others want something else and absolutely respect their boundaries. And never be afraid to tell someone they’re being creepy if they are. If someone tries to pull an answer out of me about something I’m not comfortable with sharing I have a personal rule of trying a few times to find a compromise before explicitly stating a boundary. For example when I’m asked, “What do you do?” I talk about hobbies. If it’s met with, “I mean what do you do for a living?” I just say I love my job but I’m not interested in talking about work and talk about some hobbies that have generated some revenue. And ask if they have any hobbies or potential hobbies that they’re interested in exploring. If they really push from there, I ask if they’d like to talk about their work or studies. If anything interesting happened at their work and usually follow up with some positive interactions I’ve had with work friends. If they really push after that I’ll express that I’m creeped out and I don’t want to talk about my job. I usually find a way out at that point. Always good to have an exit strategy!😅😂
Hey Courtney, perhaps a good video (unless you made one already) is where to have a first date? From experience, I have noticed on the first dates I’ve had, we would have an activity to do (like mini golf, or a walk in a nice public area). I personally have had success with that because those types of dates allows for distraction if the conversation stalls a bit. That gives both parties time to think of something else to say if they tend to be a little more shy like me. Hope you consider and thanks! 👍🏼
@@GBCNBSN Nope, you're still stuck across a table from someone. Outdoors or activity as he said is a way to go. I've said that numerous times in these videos. Stop the dinners. Be creative, be thoughtful, do anything but the routine bullshit that shows you have no originality. If you're doing a lot of first dates, then a nice hiking trail or park are the way to go. As he said, it offers a distraction and casual atmosphere, it relieves awkwardness and keeps you moving to burn off any nervous energy if anyone has it. There are many reasons why dinner dates at first are a terrible idea that also apply to coffee.
@@Swearengen1980 coffee is a vetting process, a walk in a park is a nice activity for date #2. Coffee is an easy place to break contact if needbe, your hike or activity you are now trapped with that person for X amount of time or distance until the activity is complete. The creativity comes in selecting a coffee shop besides Starbucks. Minimal investment and minimal pressure on the other person.
@T Y And that's why you don't get anywhere when you treat it like a vetting process. Your attitude is all wrong. Commit to a nice time and if it doesn't work out, suck it the fuck up and be friendly until the walk is over. It's not complicated. Coffee implies you expect it suck, want an escape and you have no originality. There is nothing creative about choosing a coffee shop not named Starbucks. Outdoors gives a better impression and atmosphere. A walk in the park on date 2 is weak shit. That's when you do a real activity or plan something that shows you've put forethought into it and learned something about her from your previous conversations/date.
@@Swearengen1980 your idea is location and season limited, a walk in a park in January in upstate New York? The sole purpose of dating is a vetting process. You are weeding through the duds to find a mate. My time is limited and resources abundant, I will sacrifice neither just to “commit to it and have a good time”. Date #2 is a further vetting #3 is where the creativity and focus is turned up. Everyone’s approach is different.
