A bunch of my "r/AmITheA--Hole" videos got demonetized for bad language. "A--hole" is too 🔥spicy🔥 for youtube! So I may have to switch over to "r/AITA" or something like that.
Appeal the strikes. This is one of the most tame Reddit YT channels out there. Lol. But considering how annoying YT is with content creators these days, I’m surprised it hasn’t gone under yet.
No cap, one of my biggest fears is being put on a no-fly list, or any list for that matter. If the other was clearly in the wrong, I’m not going to lift a finger. Someone I was with once, shoplifted and got caught red-handed. The cops weren’t called but, I ignored their existence while in the store. After we drove back, I cut all ties with them.
Being entitled on or before the flight is actually kinda dangerous. It can cause delays, which can lead to problems. Being a patient and cooperative passenger isn't just for politeness sake. The entire process of flying commercial planes is a well-oiled machine. If there's one or two errors in that machine, like an entitled person holding things up, it's not a big deal. It becomes a big deal when other issues are already going on. Commercial aviation accidents are sorta like if you stacked a bunch of swiss cheese slices on top of each other - if the holes all line up and you can see the table, that's when an accident occurs. The Tenerife accident is a great example. A bomb threat, forced to land at an alternate airport with only 1 small runway, bad weather conditions, bad crew resource management, radio interference, and that's just the major contributors. One minor one was a family that got lost at the airport, which caused the flight to be delayed further, allowing weather conditions to worsen. I can't say for sure that the second worst aviation accident in history wouldn't have happened if that family hadn't gotten lost, but i can say: please be courteous and respectful of airport staff and other passengers. Be on time, don't make a fuss. It's already stressful enough
What bothers me the most on the first story, is the husband's double standards: OP told him that his mom barging into the bathroom made her uncomfortable and unsafe, and he told them to "grow up", but, when OP found a way to deal with her, and it made MIL "terrified/weirded out", he got mad at OP
I can’t deal with mama boys. Like I’m not gonna come second to your mommy. If your mother is being rude to me, you’d better defend me cause I’d defend you to my parents if I had to.
I’m a guy too & I love my mother as well; but I’m no fucking sheep who lets my mother get whatever she wants like OP’s dumbass husband. Seriously; my guy has a wife now & he still continues to act like a stupid child because of her emotions.
THANK YOU I WAS SCREAMING!!!! like BRO why do you ONLY care about your moms feelings and not your wifes? when your mom is the one being inappropriate omg !!!!
Story 4: I've mentioned this on another channel that covered this story, but letting the nephew into the child-free wedding would cause a rift with other relatives because it would mean that everyone else would get the impression that OP is giving preferential treatment. I have never seen this much stubbornness before, and I bet this isn't the end. Who cares if the nephew is a rainbow baby. Child-free is child-free, and that means ALL children
@@joaquin17171717 a rainbow baby is a baby that is born after many, MANY hardships. whether its multiple miscarriages, or IVF finally working. its like the light at the end of the tunnel.
He really did put so much thought and effort into his wife's birthday. But yeah, he messed up. Not giving away anything before her birthday is fine, but he really needed to mention a little surprise before she went to work on her birthday. At the very least say happy birthday. It would have put a smile on her face the whole day knowing he didn't forget.
@@lectordreadwood3273 That’s what I was thinking! He did it the sitcom way! Once we threw a surprise party to my dad. We said happy birthday, and told him we’d make some hotdogs for when he was back from work. But when he got home, we actually had a big party with decorations and cake and everything, so, of course, he was surprised! The way to do it is by making the person believe they’ll be getting just a simple party, or maybe tricking them like “We’ll go to a restaurant but I need you to pick me up here” and then you have a party ready. There’s tons fo ways to do it without pretending you forgot the birthday completely, that just hurts the person…
THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THE LIGHT CUE FOR RESTROOMS! I explained this to an entire room of people before and they acted like I was insane. It’s called being polite, you either look at the bottom of the door or knock or both, you don’t just run for the knob, ESPECIALLY when the door to the most commonly accessible part of any building is CLOSED. Edit: Thank you to all the likes confirming to me I’m not insane for not wanting to walk in/have people walk in on me or anyone else in the RR
Story 5 - I think OP is really sweet but also pretty stupid. He obviously went above and beyond on this surprise and that just melted my heart, but he also (unintentionally) really hurt his wife when he made her think he forgot her birthday. So I agree with Rslash here, he's definitely not a butthole (0.5/5 buttholes at most if you ask me) but he didn't really handle the whole 'keep her in the dark' thing very well 🤷♀️
There was an update to the story that Rslash didn’t read: OP said that he was pissed off with her behavior towards him and that he was withholding her birthday present from her until she apologized and thanked him for his hard work
@@victoriagarcia3078 Just from hearing the story, he absolutely sounds like the butthole; at first it was just a misunderstanding, but then it sounds like he dragged her away from her makeshift birthday party with no explanation given. Like he just barged in with "what are you doing not making me dinner" energy, and then dragged her home so she couldn't even have her surrogate party. Then after crying the whole way home, he says "Surprise! There was actually a party at home!' which at this point is so underwhelming, why even bring it up? More importantly why not bring it up at the restaurant? "Hey honey, you're gonna laugh, but by coming here, you actually missed your surprise party at home!" Something like that. But to hear he's holding her actual present hostage until she apologizes and even 'thanks' him for screwing up so royally? This man is _delusional._
@@victoriagarcia3078 is this update a deleted update or just a comment op said taken out of context. The only thing I can find is where op says "I never got to give her my present."
Story 5 - I got the impression that the wife may have thought that, not only did he forget her birthday, but with the vague excuses that he may be cheating on her.
@@lorilancaster5917ehh not really, his only fault is making her believe he forgot, if he dedicates time to adding his wifes favourite cake her favourite things, making it perfect for HER and, it's pretty impossible to make it about yourself.
He also turned out to be a right asshole. On further responses, it turns out he was now withholding the present from her because she's sulking. Last update and she still had no idea he'd made this gift and what he'd been up to. He didn't see why he should give it to her if she's going to be in a mood with him. He had zero empathy and everything was all about him. Even the present was ultimately because he expected to be lavished with praise and affection for putting in the hard work.
When my friend turned 60 she didn’t expect her family to do anything special for her, when in fact they threw her a surprise party. The big difference is that a lot of other people were in on the surprise and I think that was OP’s biggest mistake.
I don't get this mentality of unconditional supporting one's partner when they're doing something illegal, or just plain stupid. Just because I've been married to my wife for 26-1/2 years, doesn't mean I'm going to support her when she's wrong, and she's not going to support me when I'm wrong. OP is not the idiot, but really may want to think about continuing the relationship.
Right? I think rslash may have been attempting to not be too harsh, idk. If someone acts a fool, especially on a flight, I’m not going down with the ship
@@moosecat 100% agreed! I was just trying to see his perspective. But yeah if my partner gets kicked off a plane, I absolutely do not know them AT ALL. I like to travel so no planes would be devastating
My immediate thought when he said that was "so if your wife commits murder are you supposed to go to jail with her?" GF wants to act like a Karen, she can eat the consequences on her own.
4th story sounded so familiar at first, that bride should be friends with that other one who had the "rainbow baby exception" issue at a child free wedding. Pretty sure the other story ended just by a bunch of family not showing up to the wedding? A lot of relatives saying "is this really the hill you want to die on" and it's like.. . "Is this really the hill YOU GUYS want to die on???" Anyone remember that story?
Was definitely rslash on one his best of redditor update vids. I just watch it like 2 days ago lol. Currently going through all his vids. Currently at about 1.7 years ago lol
"but he's a rainbow baby" "Is he a child?" "Yes but he's a rainbow baby!" "Is he a child?" "He's different!" "So he isn't a child?" "No he's a miracle!" "Is he a miracle CHILD???" My new term for "no exceptions" is "no rainbow babies" lol
Story 3: I agree with everything BUT I did see another point of view that I also agreed with. It was the fact that, even though the women were in the kitchen, they weren’t all cooking/prepping. Some we’re watching movies/etc. It seemed to be just were they were all hanging out. Also they had expressed interest in getting to know OP, but OP didn’t want to get to know them. She only wanted to be in the living room with her BF. So she kinda shunned them. So with that perspective, I would say ESH.
The guys just wanted to watch sports on a holiday, the women just wanted to chat, watch their shows or prep, they were seperated because obviously both does not go in the same room. OP admitted to not enjoying sports and then complaining that nobody talked to her in the living room, she expected the guys to stop watching sports and entertain her instead, sounds like just another entitled brat to me who needs to have everything her way, also used the chance to preach about being a victim because thats what people really want to listen to when they try to chill on a holiday.
@@Triplebrc I’m not sure why he bothered inviting her because while he’s fine doing as he pleases, you shouldn’t invite someone somewhere to a place and then ignore them for the entire time. Him watching sports wasn’t the issue, it’s his other behavior. The other guys, That seems fair. They didn’t invite her, they didn’t need to entertain her. But I don’t think OP was right either, she basically only wanted to be around him and ignored the women. The women didn’t do anything and wanted to interact with her. I do wonder if they did any sort of introduction when she came though, bc honestly super weird if they didn’t.
@@bridgetw8688 I mean, this sounds like a whole holiday event, meaning several hours, perhaps the entire day. Watching sports is something that does not usually take super long, so all he expected was that she talks to someone else who wanted to talk, or watches sports for a while, and she refused to do either, rather trying to get him to abandon the people he hasn't seen for a while in favor of talking with her, who he likely sees daily. I agree that he should not have invited her in the first place if she is like this, but then she would have thrown a tantrum about not being invited to that family event, sounds to me like she is someone who can't be pleased unless they get their way.
I'm a miracle baby. Mom had a bad pregnancy, I was born dead, literally a miracle baby. Guess what? When my parents were invited to a wedding on dad's side that was child free, my mom called her sister to see if she could watch me and my sister that was 12 at the time. My aunt couldn't, so they asked our neighbors who were delighted to.
That child is going to grow up spoiled and thinking they're the most special person in the universe. Reality is going to hit that kid hard when he's in the real world, and he gets told no for the first time.
I’m not sure I’d even want the second coming of Baby Jesus at my wedding. There’s a handful of rejected gospel books that go into how kid-Jesus was mischievous and used his power of miracles for pranks and messing with small animals. I’d prefer him not bringing back to life my dinner. 😅
@@svenjorgensenn8418 As someone who's had a wedding, and is married. OP's money, OP's wedding, OP's rules. RSlash has said similar things in similar situations. She made it clear. No kids, no exceptions. Her brother is too thick in the head to understand it, clearly. He's lucky he wasn't uninvited, honestly, OP has more patience than I would.
The phrase "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence" pairs well with "No one in their right mind would do that". This is my favorite because it makes you put yourself in the other person's shoes and say "there's no way I would do that. I would have to be crazy to do something like that".
5th Story: Bro that child is going to be spoiled as hell! They think they should be able to have special access because their child is "special" and "different". First red flag
Plane story... I dont understand why op would have been punished too. His fiance was the one who argued and barged on the plane, something he wasnt present or fully aware of, but just cause hes travelling with a psycho, when he did everything properly, he has to deal with the repercussions. Honestly if he answered "yes" he would have also been thrown off the plane, late for work, and possibly even have blemishes on his record, given how often he says he flies.
As a rainbow baby myself, I wouldn't want entitled parents treating me differently like that. The child is also in the most rambunctious age, and should be kept the _farthest_ from a child free wedding! I could understand if they were newborn, and the parents were in the overprotective-never-leave-their-side phase, but I'm _sure_ they can leave them with a sitter for a few hours at _3._
Rainbow babies were born after adversity, but they have no more worth than an ordinarily born baby. Parents owe it to their rainbow baby to raise them right, like another ordinary kid. When Nigel Latta's kids would act out, he'd say something like "Kids, you're special to me, but you're just annoying to those strangers."
Story 1: I feel like rslash is typically on top of catching subtle things like this, but OP mentions having past trauma about being locked in a bathroom. I would assume the husband knows about this and said she needs to grow up and lock the bathroom door. I was really thinking rslash was gonna give the guy at least a 3/5.
@@arnoldfossman1701 I think the best approach is literally scaring here and the only way to do that is getting a Satan costume with a easily breakable cross and when MIL opens the door she would see OP break the cross and say “I’m coming for your soul sinner” if she is that religious it could work
Thanksgiving story - no one actually made OP go into the kitchen so forget gender roles because no one had an issue with her sitting in the football room other than her. Even her BF was okay with it until she said she didn’t like it and he told her what her other option was. You can’t come into someone else’s home and tell them their entire tradition is not okay.
Yeah I was like this doesn’t sound like gender roles, it sounds like the women and men are talking about what they like and op is upset since the women are in the kitchen while talking while the men are in the living room. She’s so fragile and self conscious that she doesn’t want to be near a kitchen for fear of being seen as the stereotypical wife that she doesn’t understand that nobody cares if she is traditional or not. If she doesn’t want to talk about football with the guys while watching football, then she can go do something else
Personally to my dismay I walked in often on my father using the bathroom at night, as he tends to just walk on to it in total darkness and leave the door like 3/4 open (more open than closed, but enough to partially hide him on the toilet even if not in the total darkness), enough for his darkness accustomed eyes to see with residual light not enough for me to see until I flip the light switch on. So the bathroom just look completely dark with the door just not perfectly straight open but mostly is. With the only cue that someone is already in him speaking up or the switch being flipped on, whichever comes first. I see a bathroom I now knock even if the door is open and the light is off which some people seems to find weird but I can't help it now.
I'm really confused about the first story. In OP's country do they only have doors that lock/unlock from the outside? That seems like it provides the opposite effect.
I love this story. Just because your child is the first successful pregnancy doesn’t mean he instantly becomes the exception in anything that involves no children allowed
Or that the child is ANY more important than other loved one’s children. I mean yay for them, they finally got a child they have been wanting. But.. other parents love their children just as much. Why does being a rainbow baby automatically make them be put them above everyone else? It doesn’t..
I remember other Reddit stories of hyper religious mothers who didn't allow their children to close the bathroom door. MIL in the first story is giving me major deja vu and red flags.
Right? The fact that OP's husband seems to be squarely upset with OP and not his mother makes me think he's probably just used to not having privacy from his mother. And that's a big, BIG yikes from me.
I was never allowed to lock tje bathroom door as a kid, but it wasn't a religious thing. My mom was scared that if I slipped or something she wouldn't be able to get to me. It was a safety thing. I still rarely lock the bathroom because I tend to be clumsy.
@@frosted_glaceon5513 not locking the bathroom is understandable. That's rational thinking. But not allowing someone to close the bathroom door is an invasion of privacy. What makes this story more bizarre is MIL barges in on OP like she's trying to catch her doing something. Like, does she think OP is doing drugs in the bathroom, or something? It seems very odd to me, but I've not grew up with someone like the MIL.
Yeah. That "rituals" comment clued in the religion thing. I laughed at that. I remember when my mom "found" my tarot cards. She she dug through my dresser cause I always hid them. I used them as a way to self meditate because my family was always fighting and screaming. She gave me a lecture about how "unholy" they were. Like gee, I didn't know you were do afraid of paper and cardboard.😂 I'm very glad I moved out.
What a gross husband op has in the first story! He doesn't care about her response to trauma and he doesn't care about his mother being creepy! She keeps intentionally bursting in then is suprised when she does what she wants in her home! I couldn't date or even marry somebody like that who doesn't care about someone creeping on me. What if it was his dad or a child? Would he react the exact same way and just ignore her??? She should give him a reality check and talk to him about this and make him understand and if he doesn't she should leave him.
I'm confused about that story. Do doors only unlock from the outside in OP's country? Why not lock the door, use the bathroom, unlock it, and then leave?
@@Xian6402 oof, that seems like a job for therapy to handle, if one incident from over 2 decades ago is keeping her from allowing herself even basic privacy she needs professional help, not a committed relationship. A husband should've been way further down the priority list, especially since it's actively making her trauma worse.
@@FishAnviltwo things can be true at once. She has trauma that she knows about and we don’t know how much she’s worked on it, and the MIL and Husband are weird af for their actions in OP’s story. She’s married already, so hindsight isn’t really going to help here. If anything, she should have a husband that doesn’t belittle her trauma or concerns and backs her up
I feel like most of these stories from r/aitah to r/choosing beggars can all be compiled into a huge book called, "HOW TO BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING FOR DUMMIES".
He wasn't a dumbass he was excited and got really excited, which is how it happens and people are forgetting that he's not the only one to blame here. Communication is two ways, and he made it clear that the wife never showed any signs of anything being wrong. She should have communicated her feelings.
@@AmazingAutist To me this feels like a failure to manage expectations. It seems apparent to me that she is not used to, or perhaps unfamiliar with surprise birthday parties. Or at least small ones. I do want to point out that she didn't have faith in her partner, as well as not communicating her feelings.
You know where I learned that? When the band The Wiggles made a movie where they did this for Dorothy the Dinosaur and thought it was going to be great to surprise her. I learned from that never to pretend to forget someone's birthday - if it involves making someone miserable before surprising them, don't do it!
First Story, NTA: I’ll finish the story but I have to say: "so what if she sees you naked. She's family" what the hell is OP's husband saying???? What kind of "justification" is that??? Alright, OP is for sure NTA. One, why is MIL purposely barging in the bathroom? Isn’t it common decency to knock before entering, especially in someone else's house? I would’ve done the same thing because that was hilarious lmao. Also, I’d think OP's husband would know about his own wife's past trauma with locked rooms. Instead this guy tries to defend his mom's weird behavior in trying to see her daughter in law naked Second Story, NTA: This is like having ur kid throw a tantrum with the only difference is u can’t pretend to know them. So basically she got mad because the employees was doing their job and then had a mental breakdown? This is a case of actions have consequences. Hey at least OP knows that she can find someone better than this woman Third Story, NTA: This tradition is a horrible one. Why does all the women have to stay in the kitchen? Why can’t everyone spend time together in the living room? OP's boyfriend is horrible for pretty much making OP deal with a situation that was awkward and uncomfortable for her. No warning or anything? OP has time to decide whether this is what she wants to deal with going forward or not Fourth Story, NTA: This reminds me of a story where OP showed up with her kid to a child free wedding. People like this think they're entitled to bring their kids to a CHILD FREE wedding. Lmaooooo, this is hilarious. I mean, they keep begging OP to bring their kid so OP had to treat them like a kid and teach them, slowly and steadily that: No means no Fifth Story, YTA but very very light: Like OP's intentions were good but is execution was waaaaaay horrible. OP should’ve made small hints towards the surprise instead of pretending to forget her birthday. I’m sure OP didn’t want to spoil the surprise but he should’ve acknowledge her birthday and make subtle hints of what he will do with her on the day. Also, him taking her home after the backup celebration made this look even worst for him
Story 3: No ones holding a gun up to their heads and forcing them to do it. Believe it or not, but there are many women (pretty much every single one in my family aside from MAYBE my sister) like to take care of their family on special days by doing the cooking. If that's their family tradition, then it's not your or anyone else's place to tell them they can't or shouldn't, especially if it's what the women WANT to be doing.
@@jackmanleblanc2518 I just stated my opinion. That being said, it would’ve been nice if OP's boyfriend warned her ahead of time of this or at least try to help her in this awkward situation. Keep in mind, this is the first time OP is meeting the extended family
@@xKCAZxLEADER I do sort of agree there that it might have been nice if he warned her. Keep in mind though, he grew up in this family for his entire life. Most of the time people don't tend to think to warn someone about something that is totally normal to them because they see it as, well, normal. And it's not like this is a strange or unusual tradition. Really, I don't think there's any asshole here, even though a part of me wants to give her a small score for insulting his family,
@@mariposa9506 If you could possibly be not unhappy, go for that option. I said try to leave, not leave for certain; sometimes you have to do what you don't want to, but if you don't have to or want to do something DON'T DO THAT THING JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN "ADULT"!
about the plane story, the way op's fiance reacted when she got on the plane should be a pretty sizeable red flag. he should use it as a cape to fly away from her. nta.
Going on a flight in 5 months and I don’t want to check any bags. I’m assuming we can order the proper size carry on bags off of Amazon or something? So there won’t be any confusion when flying?
Agreed. "he should use it as a cape to fly away from her." I think this expression is great - a prefect way to describe the situation. I hadn't heard it before but I think I might use it now.
@@guitarbass22 in case it's not satire, most airlines have a webpage with the rules and regulations they have for the size of carry-on (and other) luggage, as well as what you are allowed to bring into the cabin, what must be checked, and what may not go on the plane at all.
Story 1: NTA; it's kinda baked into social courtesy in almost every culture, and some more restrictive than others, so the husband blowing it off as "but she's family" is still really cringe when this social norm is observed by families as much as non-family members.
Everytime I hear "but he's/she's family." I want to tear my ears off. Because it's ALWAYS used as an excuse to justify someone's terrible behavior BECAUSE THEY'RE FAMILY. It's terrible and people should just stop.
Right? And using her location to do it too seems like a huge invasion to me. Idk I never leave my location on so maybe that's my thing but. To track her down to crash the party just reads like "oh he didn't forget the birthday, he doesn't want me to enjoy my birthday at all with anyone, he wants me to be alone"
I loathe people who want to bring full-size bags on a plane and I wish the airlines were stricter about it. Not only are they a safety hazard, they take up more than their share of the space to crowd out others. They also slow down boarding and deplaning.
Sooooo… the gf doesn’t want to hang out in the kitchen and talk and get to know her bf’s family bc idk misogyny and then goes to sit with the men who, according to her, are super into the game to the extent that they aren’t interested in small talk while the game is on. Wow! That should have been under r/entitled something or another.
I wasn't there but I'm pretty sure poeple were just hanging out whit those who have the same interests ? Like the poeple who like to cook are cooking in the kitchen and the poeple who like to watch TV are watching TV in the living room. OP even said she didn't care about football. Just because a woman like to cook doesn't mean she is sexist. For me, it looks like OP is projecting her insecurities on her partner’s family. Sometimes real life looks like cliché of the TV and it's just how it is ? I think ? There is nothing wrong with a woman liking to cook or a man liking to watch TV and nobody tried to force OP to do anything and she was able to just hang around in the living room or the kitchen so maybe she could have asked some people to go in the garden or IKD if she wanted.
100%. She expected an entire household to cater to her. And then called them sexist because the men wanted to watch a football game. There was an entire kitchen filled with welcoming women, drinking. That’s where I’d be, as a women 🤷🏻♀️ sounds like a good ass time. Can’t believe r/slash sided with her. 🤮
@@majesticmicrobes60 That’s exactly right. She’s completely entitled. I would have sat there and watched the game with those guys and not said too much and that’s as a male who isn’t really into sports. I even would have made myself available to the women in the kitchen off and on just to show that I was being supportive if they needed an extra hand. Basically I would have just tried to be a proper guest.
Last story: RSlash referenced Napoleon Bonaparte "Never ascribe malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence." But I'll counter with Grey' Law "any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice."
Oh yeah? Then I'll hit you with Newton's First Law "An object at rest remains at rest, and an object in motion remains in motion at constant speed and in a straight line unless acted on by an unbalanced force." This card deals 2500 damage and contains a magic spell that lets me bring any card from the grave and add its damage to Newton's card damage
I think the real issue with story 2 is "why didn't anyone stop her boarding the plane?" Pretty sure in places like America if you did that you wouldn't get one foot away from the baggage check before getting stopped
I think it was at the ticket scan right before boarding. Especially if you are one of the last ones to get on the plane, they often don’t have overhead space and demand people check their bag last minute. OP had a small bag that could fit under the seat, unlike the fiancé. It sounds more like she went past that one person, rather than baggage check in the beginning of the terminal. So it makes sense they would deal with in on the plane after the cop showed up once that one employee called in the situation.
Story 2: Engagement Ender I really hope OP calls off the engagement. This is crazy Karen behavior. When you see those dead-eyed, broken men following their screaming wives, apologizing to everyone, this is how that starts.
And other than “showing support “ for fiancée’s insanity there was no purpose for OP to leave with her. He still met her to pick her up which anyone else would’ve used the opportunity to pack what they can and leave
Story five: i feel that OP is in a classic Homer Simpson situation. He has something well intentioned and meaningful planned but just doesnt go about it the RIGHT way. If anything rather than just saying hes already made plans with the friend, just say thats hes going over to work on something special for her that he’ll show her on her birthday
Last Story: Tbh i completely agree with you. I get what he was TRYING to do (the home made gifts, the cake etc) but yeah…he missed the part where you need to let the person KNOW that you didn’t forget, cause the wife probably thought he DID forget and was overcompensating to make up for it. Slight YTA, bu HUUUGE “you’re a moron”
The child free wedding story had a reply that another channel read that cracked me up. It was from a woman who was unable to have children much like the wife who finally was able to have her rainbow baby. She understood OP's boundaries and mentioned she would have volunteered to help to try and get through with any means needed including interpretive dance if that was what it took. Those sound like entitled parents and I hope nephew doesn't grow up to be a brat thinking no rules apply to him because he's a rainbow baby and thus special.
@@lorilancaster5917it seems like a stupid fear NGL, the lock is on the inside of the door in every place I’ve lived so you should be able to control it
Story 1: maybe it would childish, maybe it would genius (it was funny), no matter what you want to call OP'S approach it could have been avoided if her husband would just tell his mom to stop trying to barge in on his wife.
Wow, those parents said their rainbow baby's presence at the wedding would bring "blessings" for OP and their fiancé? I mean, I'm happy that the baby is here for his parents, but they're treating him like some kind of holy relic and I imagine he's gonna grow up with a God-complex
Especially if they teach him that his mere presence is a literal "God's gift to mankind" kind of thing. Ugh, poor kid is gonna end up as such a douchebro.
Story 3: This sounds like a tradition from a long time ago. While I'm not too bothered by that, the main issue is that OP was put between a rock and a hard place, and BF just brushed her aside. THAT, I'm not okay with.
I'll admit my hackles do kind of go up at the women apparently being responsible for cooking, but it might also be something they want to do. I have female friends and family members who also do all the cooking, and they don't see it as this taxing burden thrust upon them by the patriarchy, but as something they take pleasure in. So fine, I can put away my feminist goggles. It could also be partly cultural. OR maybe the rest of the women were from an older generation. Having said that, the boyfriend should have honored his girlfriend's feelings. There is nothing worse than being between a rock and a hard place at a party, and the person who invited or brought you should make sure you're comfortable - even if it's NOT your significant other. When I've invited friends to things and they don't really know anyone else, guess who my priority is?
What exactly is the boyfriend supposed to do? What literal actions is he supposed to do? She didn't want to join the conversation in the kitchen, she didn't want to watch football, and there were no other activities going on.
@@StilltheAp0llyon he should have prepared her for the tradition and discussed how she felt about it. And if she wasn't cool with it, then made a plan to adapt.
And here in 2022 (almost 2023), most everyone else is bothered by this “tradition.” Like talk about sexist. The gf needs to run-not walk, run-away from that as quickly as possible.
I agree honestly that kind of tradition is really pissing me of seriously we are in 2022 cut that crap out when it was the winter olympique I was really enjoying watching that with my roommates and friends we were talking having fun 0/5 op 3,5/5 boyfriend
She should have told her husband that she was terrified and weirded out by her mother-in-law's behavior too. I'll never understand why people think other people are the bad guy for defending themselves.
1st story: OP needs to either have couple counseling or divorce! Her husband is taking his voyeuristic mom's because she "was terrified" as if having someone walking in on you in the bathroom constantly isn't a terrifying and humiliating experience! OP communicated her boundries (also a closed door to the bathroom is a boundary!) And her husband minimized her feelings and took his mother's side!
Last story: his heart was in the right place, but went about it the wrong way. I thought his surprises were incredibly sweet and thoughtful!... But I can definitely see how his wife got her feelings hurt, the poor lady. His wife seems to be one of those ladies that are very composed and doesn't like to show their emotions when upset, and in front of him, she was probably bottling it big time 😢 I had two surprise parties in my life, both were going away parties. Both were lovely and made me happy cry. The first was when I was a teen. I was moving from New England to the South, an approx. 13hour drive gap. My best friend asked if I wanted to hang out, she lived just over the hill from my house, so it wasn't uncommon for me to walk there. On my way over, another friend of mine was in a car with her mom and asked me if I wanted a lift, they were headed in that direction anyways. I thought it was odd because this friend didn't live near me, actually she was on the opposite side of town. I was confused, but eh, I knew them both and hopped in the car. No stranger danger here. Her mom acted as if she was just dropping me off, and I thanked her and kept on down her steep driveway. My best friend led me into the house, chatting with me, and I noticed my other friend coming up behind me, sheepishly saying "mom says I can stay" which seemed a little odd (I won't get into why, that's a whole other story) but whatever, I was just happy to hang out with my friends, presumably for the last time in a long time because of my move. I walked into the house, and all our friends from school (even some friends we made from a different school) were there! Including my crush at the time (we had one date months prior to the party. Very sweet guy, I miss him and I wish him all the happiness in the world.) my best friend had put together the whole thing, right down to the home made coffee ice-cream cake (coffee is my favorite ice-cream flavor) That. Is how a surprise party happens. The other was not as deep, but just as touching as my coworkers threw me a surprise going away party when I was about to move states when I got engaged to my husband. Our break area was a loft up some stairs, so it was easily hidden, and we all had to go up there to use the bathrooms, or use the lockers. They filmed my reaction and everything :'D
Honestly if I had a sibling who said "why isn't our child the exception to this no children allowed" I'd probably disown them or something, maybe call them idiots for not understanding what " no children allowed " means. I couldn't careless if the child is a rainbow or miracle child.
And that kid, child free wedding or not, would be bored out of his mind. Even if well behaved a toddler, especially a bored one, can be unpredictable. Especially with parents who won’t be watching him like a hawk
@@captainfluffypaws7068 yeah since they show no respect for OP and fiancée’s boundaries and they’ve been harassing them nonstop. I bet they would still bring their kid to the wedding in hopes OP would relent. Because if they bombard OP and fiancée with calls and emails including pics of their kid, they’re harassing
@Lori Lancaster I doubt they harassed her, they are just worried about leaving their kid in someone elses care. If she is petty enough to make flash cards. She sounds toxic af, I guess the divorce will be child free too. Sad time in this world, children are great. I am a teacher and never had a bad kid, just ones with shit parents like OP and her family
@@captainfluffypaws7068 honestly the more of think into it and the more comments I read and think through it better I feel like I'd do smth different than actually disowning
I'm just going to say this on the second story if that's done with his fiance at the airport isn't enough for him to get out of that relationship I don't know what it is because I know for a fact I would not stay with somebody who doesn't want to obey Airline rules that are literally state and government mandated especially if there's a limited form of what type of luggage you can have with you and bring with you size wise and this person makes the biggest fit to the point where they just walk past security and the people that are responsible for checking your bags just to try to board on a plane and yeah I do find it stupid that there are certain rules to do with what type of luggage you can fly with but even then you know I understand rules of rules and there's nothing you can do about it
I have a different take on the thanksgiving story (for the record, I'm female). I don't see the tradition as entirely misogynistic (I also don't see a "tradition" here, but more of a "this is how things keep ending up" - if it were a true tradition, there would have been actual expectations involved). The ladies aren't seem to be expected to actually cook (OP wasn't being asked to cook at all, and wasn't being forced or shunned for hanging out with the men). She complained about no one to talk to, and it was pointed out that there was much talk being done in the kitchen. Why couldn't she just go and sit and just talk? To me, it sounds like the family was very comfortable with her just hanging out wherever and the BF only said something to her when she complained about being bored, pointing out a perfectly valid way to fix her problem. So in this case, to me, OP is getting bent out of shape solely because the women liked to hang out in the kitchen and talk women things while the men hung out in the living room and talk men things. Her calling this setup misogynistic is a bit of a stretch (again, based solely on the fact that OP isn't asked to do anything at all, and is only being given a solution to her boredom), which makes her "hill to die on" seem a bit but-holy. Let me put this in my own family experience: We have a very similar tradition, though over the years it's been the men in the kitchen and the women elsewhere (depending on who has some spectacular dish to show off). For a long time though, it was very much women in the kitchen and men elsewhere. However, women weren't expected to participate in cooking. It was usually the host who cooked most if not all the food, and other families brought sides or desserts on the way (not actually prepared there). So a lot of the time it was people keeping the host company and truly just sitting in the kitchen with coffee and chatter. I was often the "social butterfly" would couldn't sit still and would flitter between both areas. I loved sports, and during commercials I would go and catch up on chatter in the kitchen. This was a perfectly acceptable thing in my family. OP has given me no reason to believe that the boyfriend's family was any different than this. BF telling her to effectively chill out would have been a valid response even in my family.
Finally someone being reasonable. She didnt even make an effort to socialize, except with the guys only interested in the topic at hand. Sports. Which she doesnt like. She was just so offended at the thought of being in the kitchen with the other women that she ruined the day for herself.
Our family does the same sometimes but in this case the boyfriend should have at least tried to make her comfortable during her first visit by sitting with her in the kitchen a bit, so she could get to know these women in his family. Just dumping her in the the kitchen to talk to the other "wimmens" twisted my tit the wrong way too.
@@skorpiongod Yeah, that was my thought. Granted, when they saw her, the immediately tried to take her into the kitchen to cook, but didn't force her to stay or insist that she do it. She could've just hung in the kitchen and talked to the women there and not help cook. BUT, and I say this as someone who is VERY uncomfortable around new people, she may have wanted to stay close to her boyfriend, the only person she knew and not mingle with strangers she hadn't even been introduced to yet. [This is exactly what I do. I cling to someone I know because I'm just a nervous ninny.] The men could've talked to her on commercials, the boyfriend could've introduced her to the women of his family, to the people on the couch. I feel the family was a bit rude [at least the men] for not even saying hi or anything to the girlfriend who they hadn't met yet. Acknowledging someone who entered your house with a nod or a wave or a "Hey, how are you?" is just courteous. In part it's her fault for not trying, but in part, it's MORE of the boyfriend's fault for not being like, 'Here let me introduce you to everyone" because it's a new environment and such.
In my opinion on the first story I think Op should really evaluate the relationship she has with her mother-in-law and husband because she might just have to divorce this guy and look I'm not the type of person that says yeah divorce this person but I hate to say it when you have a partner but that's being very dismissive of their parent do you really want that in the future to do with your kids because I know I wouldn't want to be stuck with somebody like that who just puts their mother's word over me every day of my life that I'm with them married that would just be a death sentence in all honesty
The last story, every decision of the husband is a wrong turn. Every time I think, OK, from here on it will get better and then he just f*cks it up more. 😵 That poor wife. He needs therapy, there is something wrong with his empathy. 😅
The thanksgiving story… rslash got it wrong. The guys were supposed to turn on the Macy’s parade and start talking about knitting? The ladies were supposed to stop socializing in the kitchen over cooking and order pizza? It’s their family tradition and she all but demanded they change it to make her feel comfy… not cool.
In the Thanksgiving story, I had a similar experience. We are Puerto Ricans and if you understand Boriqua women, than you get my story. My fiance back then was with us for the holidays for first time. She had no problems with sports and understood football, what she apparently didn't understand was tact. When the game came on, which we guys always talked through and hardly watched, all the women in my family got up and left for the kitchen. My fiance quickly started to make a scene, calling us guys chauvinistic, and I mean she got loud quickly (She's part PR too). That's when my Dad, who was a very quiet man, said "go bring her to the kitchen, which you can imagine she really didn't like. This all happened in short order too. When we walked into the kitchen together, my own, sweet and beloved Mother, for who her and I are very, very close stared daggers into my soul and snarled "what do you want?" My aunts were equally unhappy with my male presence (lol). That's when I quickly said "Nothing Mom, just wanted to say I love you" and walked out with fiance in tow. Before we got back to the living room and sat awkwardly, I explained (because it was the 1st time she let me get a word in) that it's not that the women couldn't hang out eith us and watch football or that their place was in the kitchen (my Dad was an Army Cook), it's was that we men weren't allowed in their kitchen while the women hung out together. It probably was even more awkward as after dinner, everyone came back together and played dominoes and hung out like most loud ass Puerto Ricans. Good times! Needless to say, we thankfully didn't get married for other reasons. Bullet dodged.
People forget the women need their space, they also want to control the food... it's like this in almost every culture I have studied. Feminism is poison
That husband better make it up to his wife with a huge party and lots of love and care. But also should make sure he tells her wat happened. Obviously OP has some communication issues
A few years ago my dad accidentally walked in on my in the bathroom, he didn't even realize I was home yet, and we were both embarrassed and he changed my diapers as a kid. I wouldn't be cool at all with my mother in law walking in so many times!
I just went through the hell of trying to travel during the holiday season and I know that if someone that I was engaged to or even just slightly close to pulled anything as infuriating as what OP's fiance did, I'd act like I've never met that human in my life. Your extra clothing or items are not worth me missing a flight and throwing away the hundreds or thousands of dollars I spent on the trip.
Airline story: im with rslash. I'd get off a ONLY because I am married. I would have to recognize this isn't normal behavior and have a serious chat and try to take our way out with tsa. However, OP is only engaged. Leave my guy. Leeeeeaaaave.
4th story reminds me of another AITA post where OP's brother wanted to bring his rainbow baby to the childfree wedding, thinking that he's some kind of exception. Seriously, what part of "child free wedding" don't you understand?
So she gets to be an asshole when they want to bring their child? People like that are why the world sucks. Just uninvite them, no need to show your husband how petty you are.
I’d feel very uncomfortable being with someone who throws a tantrum at the airport, not just in that moment but long-term. I think OP’s response is indicative of a subconscious desire not to be with his fiancée anymore, and I don’t blame him. I wonder if he’ll look back on this incident as his lightbulb moment that he’s actually wanted to break up for some time.
i wouldn't be at all surprised if the entitled parents from the flashcard story turn up to the wedding with their kid, then throw a tantrum because either there's no accommodations for a kid/their kid isn't involved in the wedding, or they get kicked out/barred from entering. crazy people be crazy yo
Child free wedding period: I feel like the best way to “fix it” is to sit your brother down and explain how you agree that you need to fix it then say “and to fix it I will be uninviting you to the wedding. That way you don’t need to worry about your kid not going anymore!”
Third story, op did infact learn a lot about the family and her boyfriend. Enough to know that relationship probably isn't going to work out for you or him.
The Second story on the plane had huge Seinfeld vibes. I lose track of how many times Jerry pretends to not know the person making an ass of themselves just so he can get out of a situation.
That third story is almost exactly my experience the first time I attended a christmas with my then-bf. He went to play darts and get drunk with his male family, and I was left awkwardly in the kitchen with the women. When I tried to join my bf in the garage I was told to leave by his dad and was actually pushed out the door. I ended up just sitting in the dining room and wishing I could go home (since I couldn't drive myself, I was being driven home by his mum afterwards).
I'm sorry that happened to you. At Christmas parties for our family, we don't have sexist traditions. One of my aunts actually sits in the lounge room and watches TV (not sports but you know)
@@boxeswithfoxes There was nothing sexist about story 3. OP is nothing but an entitled bitch. She wasn't chased away from watching the game. She even said they were focused on the game, but she got upset that they wouldn't talk to her.
First story: That husband is one of the biggest AHs I've seen in a long time. He's quite the momma's boy, and in this case, that makes him an enabler. He's disgusting.
RSlash's surprise celebration advice is absolutely necessary and I get so frustrated with people who think sneaking around without any explanation is going to work out.
Story 3: to me it sounds like she wanted to be catered too, im sorry but if the guys wanna watch football dont barge in and expect them to all the sudden talk with you. nobody owes you their time, if you didnt want to watch football and didnt want to go chat in the kitchen then figure out what you want on your own. AND YES i been in this situation and i just decided to go read a book until dinner.
Yeah, she's saying it's misogynisti, but judging by how she was sitting there watching them kinda indicates that nobody expects her to be in the kitchen.
@@svenjorgensenn8418 How? This is OP's wedding. A child free ceremony isn't as uncommon as you think. And Chris was harrassing his sister with pictures of the kid. If I was getting married to my boyfriend, and I made a rule for no children, I would not make exceptions either, especially if they kept insisting, claiming their kid would bring blessings to the marriage. That is delusion.
Story 3: If she wants conversation and to get to know his family, why’d she turn her nose up at the idea of spending time with the women of the family. That’s a great way to get to know the family and hold conversations. As opposed to disrupting the football game. His family is meant to change their holiday routine, specifically to cater to OP? In lots of families, the women do the cooking for the holidays. Most tend to enjoy it, and we usually like the men to stay out of the way. Women like space and peace away from their men too sometimes. I don’t think it’s fair to write everyone off as sexist, as if the women have no choice and get no satisfaction from being in the kitchen and chatting. Op should’ve just had her drink, and watched some Christmas movies. And you call the boyfriend not only sexist but lazy? For lounging on a holiday?
That's how it is for me and my wife on Thanksgiving. I do most of the cooking in our lives, but on Thanksgiving she and her mom made a lovely Thanksgiving meal. No one forced them to do it.
Men and women are no longer allowed to just enjoy traditional gender-normed activities sadly. She assumes this tradition is sexist but it's likely just the men and women have different interests. Most women don't want to watch football so they go elsewhere. The person cooking is.. cooking. So if you wanna talk with them you hang out in the kitchen. It's rude to just stand by and watch someone cook a big meal so you help out. Eventually all the women end up in the kitchen just by necessity... These roles don't evolve out of malice.. unfortunately people can't help but make everything a social statement.
It wasn't like she was handed an apron and told to get cooking. She could have chilled and chatted with them, would have been a great time to get to know his mom and offering to help would have made a good first impression
@@Arylwren1 I think both are in the wrong, but I also think OP's boyfriend is more in the wrong for making such a poor introduction of his extended family and their family tradition than OP for being a confused, rather narrow-minded 'feminist'. Did he think shutting down and invalidating OP's feeling of being left out was the best approach? Did he think leaving her with his more extended family without helping her get comfortable first would make a great intro? Also, notice what he responds to OP with: "Then go hang out in the kitchen, the girls talk up a storm. The family tradition is for the guys to watch football and the ladies hang out in the kitchen and make the meal." Is it really a wonder why OP has a poor impression of their family tradition?
Story 3: you just got this wrong. What’s sexist about watching football? Because *that’s what they did.* The “women in the kitchen” isn’t a rule, because OP was never told to go there by the men, *until* she said she wanted to talk. 2. What Op wants, is actually RUDE AS HELL. They’re watching a game. They’re preoccupied. And instead of going to hang out with the people who *WANT* to talk and socialize, like her bf suggested, she instead demands everyone stop what they’re doing and give her attention. That’s entitled and rude. The Bf wasn’t didmisssing her concerns. He was SOLVING HER PROBLEM. She wanted to socialize, so he said “hey, the next room over is where people here do that.” But no. OP turns her nose up at it because she deems it wrong, and instead tries to force her views on everyone else. Op gets 1.5/5 Ah, and Rslash gets 2/5 for letting his blatant sexism cloud his judgement.
I'm almost 38 and I accidentally walked in on someone using the bathroom ONCE. It was my ex's brother (I slept over at his family's home) and I woke up early and had to pee. The bathroom wasn't locked and his brother sat on the toilet, butt naked. He said 'mooorning!', I apologized profusely and got out. The whole family had a good laugh about it at breakfast, we agreed to lock the bathroom door in the future and that was it.
That 4th story was insane - I agree with you Rslash - OP clearly set the rule, which they would have known in advance. Honestly, just because the child is a "rainbow baby" doesn't mean the rules magically change for them. If OPs mum and dad are still insistent that OP "fixes it", uninvite the couple with the rainbow baby - then they don't need to worry about their precious little kid not being invited to the wedding.
The first story, I know a family that has motion activated lights in their bathrooms, so it can make it a bit tough on occasions knowing when someone is in there, especially in the colder months and or when they shut the door with no one in there. I've walked in on a couple of people on three instances. Thankfully one of those instance, their daughter (who is a couple of years younger than me) was passed out drunk and on the toilet. Her friends brought her home and I was unaware they helped her to the restroom and had inadvertently woken me up in the process. I won't go into much detail of the other two instances, but essentially the other two were her and her kid sister were in the restroom getting ready (think braiding hair), and the third, well the older sister was taking a bath (the door was partially open to begin with). I didn't open the door too far before she said something (I did apologize). To clarify I'm male, and I've known this family for almost 20 years and they know I mean well and know the last incident was accidental. If you have motion activated lights for your bathroom, use the lock on the door. It'll save the embarrassment on both sides. And no, I'm not entirely siding with the MIL. If it were one of those she wasn't paying attention and accidentally walked in on you, that's one thing. But repeatedly doing so because she's "family". That's a BS excuses to create a toxic environment. Also NTA, she got what she deserved. Your husband doesn't seem to respect your boundaries even after you mentioned them. I don't understand how your husband can side with his mother over you. Your MIL acts weird, it's fine. You act weird, he loses his mind.
The last one would’ve been fixed if in the week leading up to it to say “it’s a surprise~” or “maybe you’ll find out for your birthday” Showing that not only you remembered but you’re planning something special. It won’t be an out of nowhere surprise but still a surprise!
Personally, I felt like the 3rd story was an ESH situation. On the original post, it sounded as though OP wasn't expected to stay in the kitchen or to cook just because she's a woman, but that the women in the family liked to hang out in the kitchen to talk, and some would choose help with the food if needed. OP's biggest issue is that she didn't want to watch sports and the men were too absorbed to talk about what she wanted. But despite not wanting to do what the men were doing, she chose to stay with them. If she wanted to talk, she could have hung out with the people talking, but because those people were women in the kitchen, she refused out of principle. She was totally free to do whatever she wanted, and she made the decision to stay where she was bored and then blame the people around her for not entertaining her.
Sticking by your partner is for stuff like. Financial troubles, job layoff/firing, medical problems, etc. Doesn't count if your partner throws a tantrum over illegally bypassing airport check-in 😂
Story one: your husband heard his mom say "i caught your wife doing rituals in the bathroom" and didnt think "why are you walking in on my wife in the bathroom? Dont you knock?" But instead thinks "wow why is she making my mom uncomfortable? My mom cant walk in on her in the bathroom? Ugh guess we gotta divorce" like wtf
