"I can't believe you let me down" -girl 14. That girl has learned to use emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and abusive behavior from somewhere, just saying.
OP's cousin reminds me of a former friend of mine who was an equally horrible parent. I won't go into the whole story, but I cut contact with her 10 years ago for behavior just like what the cousin and her children did.
And lying. Her sister apologized (suggesting she knew something) and said 14 y/o left something. An excuse to get the key. It shows intent. As much as I like the “hold her stuff hostage until she pays” idea his cousin wouldn’t hesitate to call police. So he’s within his rights to make a report on vandalism and theft. I bet his cousin would pay then to keep her brat out of jail.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089i think the sibling meant the 14y/o told THEM they were leaving to get something and were apologizing for not stopping the 14y/o
The first story has a bit of an update: OP remembered that he had the key to his cousin’s place, so he went into her house, took some of the stuff back (as some of the items were stolen) and stole some of the spoiled brat’s food from the fridge out of pettiness (rightfully so). cousin is demanding the food back and OP told her to go eff herself
Hey, if OP's cousin isn't going to pay OP back for the damaged stuff, it's nobody's fault but her own and her daughter's with what happens to their own stuff. They pretty much opened themselves up to being preyed upon.
I just hate how sometimes the niece's parents are just gonna say "It's still a kid, it doesn't know what's right and what's wrong yet" and starts victim blaming.
I hate it too. And the answer to that kind of response should always be, "correct, kids will be kids! That's why it's YOUR responsibility as a parent to correct the behavior!" But also, these are teenagers, not small children. This behavior is inexcusable, and if they were adults, it would be considered criminal.
Yeah. If your kid doesn't know right from wrong, they're not old enough to be in there unsupervised, therefore you should be watching them and if you don't, then you're responsible for what they do. Too many parents don't get this. And this kid seems to be from the Mona Lisa Saperstein school of "money please, or I'll destroy your office!"
@@akl2k7 IKR? I remember one AMITA where the dad didn't want to pay the babysitter for his kid breaking her glasses because, "It was an accident, it wasn't malicious." I'd love to see how the insurance company would respond if I rear-ended someone at a stop sign because I wasn't paying attention and I said, "But it was an accident, it wasn't malicious!"
In tvis case the Key was entrusted to HER. That means it is HER responsebility. If you buy a gun and let it lay around, then your kid takes it to school and accidently or purpisely hurts someone thats on you equally. You can't just say "Well i didnt do it! This,was just a kid." You let this item be taken by a kid, so you bear the consequences. Thats why this is such an easy win in court.
Story 1: Imagine being so malicious by breaking someone's collectables over being declined from being given money, now the 14 year old has even LESS of a chance from getting anything from OP. The kids are the mom's responsibility, and how is it at OP'S fault? The kid shouldn't even be in the room! Sue the mom, because that's $3000 worth of damages there. Actively denying any responsibility is just so wrong.
Yeah seriously what is wrong with OP's cousin? This wasn't just a little kid accidentally breaking something - and even then it's the parents' responsibility to make it right - this was a deliberately malicious act of destruction. If my 14yo did that, they'd be in SO MUCH TROUBLE and I'd be apologising to my cousin for weeks and setting up a payment plan.
From looking at the OP's Reddit history, it seems he engaged in some self-help that is probably going to damage any legal recourse he has. That was not smart.
Regarding the shaving story, I think what's missing is the element of _how_ OP's friend meets her dates. Is she meeting dates in person at normal places in her life like work, the store, or coffee shop? If so and she's getting asked out but the date doesn't pan out, she may be doing something that puts dates off despite her having a good time. OR... is the friend meeting them on apps with an outdated photo and showing up looking wildly different than the photo because of her body hair/grooming. I suggest this because it reminds me of a story where something similar happened. OP had a sister with PCOS and her body hair grew thick and dark as a result. The sister also tired of the cycle of shaving and stopped, but was using an old photo from when she did shave on her profiles. OP similarly suggested she resume shaving or updating her pictures and just like this, the sister got mad at her for 'being shallow.'
I mean it might be because she's a toxic feminist who wants a traditional man but her ideology hates on traditional men. "Patriarchy theory" is just plain hatred for any men in leadership positions, but she wants a man in the leadership position in their relationship. It's completely contradictory.
@@aaronfarris6539 you're so misinformed it's sort of sad. you're letting your sexism show, and assuming things about this woman. she never once mentions "wanting a man in a leadership position in her relationship". the "ideology" you speak of isn't about hating men, it's about acknowledging that men have most of the power and always have, which is just a pair of facts. not shaving as a protest of beauty standards and going against what certain shallow men expect of her isn't about hating men, it's about telling men who would devalue her for her body hair that she doesn't care about their opinions. i don't know this woman, i don't know her values or expectations, she could very well hate men. but assuming based on someone acknowledging the patriarchy that they're toxic and they hate men is just ignorant and sexist.
@@diongelic You just confirmed that feminism is a man hating ideology. You blame all men saying "men have had most of the power". No, it is a very select few men who've had that power, the rest of them were just trying to survive alongside the women. And keep in mind that for the majority of history the only work available was back breaking, soul crushing, physical labor which men are more naturally suited for. The only thing women *could* provide was cleaning their own house and having kids. It wasn't until about 100 years ago that less labor intensive jobs were becoming more widely available and in demand allowing women to compete with men in the workforce. It wasn't "men oppressing women" it was just that there was more that men could do than what women could.
@@diongelicI'm a man, and I'm a feminist. But there is a difference between being feminist, and being how the guy before is describing them. I'm not saying that all feminists are like that, but the ones who are think that men should do a lot of the 'traditional' men stuff, Manuel labor, mowing the lawn, etc. But they also want men to do split the house work, like cooking, cleaning, etc. The thing is, these particular women don't want to split the manual work, but want the 'traditional' women's work to be split and shared. I'm not being sexist, these are things that I've discussed with my wife
Lemme get this straight. OP in first story: 1) has a niece who asks for money out of the blue. 2) said niece does not elaborate what the money is for. 3) said niece gets mad when OP naturally refuses. 4) said niece destroys a bunch of OP’s collectibles. And 5) OP is NOT entitled any compensation according to said niece’s mother? Nah man, nah.
I don't even think they particularly like him, but just exploit him because he sounds like a pushover. Notice how he doesn't just say no. But says no because his pay isn't in yet. This relationship was probably already abusive and exploitative for a very long time.
I remember reading story 3. I got super pissed off that OP’s wife suggested that OP’s daughter share her paycheck with her stepsister. I’m just sitting there thinking “uh, no? That’s the DAUGHTER’S money that SHE earned.” Also, I feel like in situations like this, the other parent is the one playing favorites. If the wife wanted to support the stepdaughter, instead of demanding that the daughter share her paycheck, she should encourage the stepdaughter to learn a marketable skill.
all the way up until she suggested that OP's daughter share her paycheck, it felt like the mom just wanted things to be equal between the girls. but once she said that it just sounds like she's favoring her own daughter. i bet that if things were reversed she'd never even suggest making things equal between the girls.
I hope OPs daughter has only her name on the account or OP is the only other person. I see OPs wife demanding the money behind his back or may even attempt to take the money from her account. I’m curious how OPs stepdaughter feels about this? Is she happy and supportive that her stepsister is doing well? Or does she resent this and is using her mom to fight a battle that should not be?
I had a similar situation when I was 13. Turns out when you take your stepdad's roll of Grizzly Wintergreen and gently simmer it in the anhydrous isopropanol you stole from the chem lab, you can quite easily skim a few grams of pure nicotine extract off the surface. Which dissolve cleanly in her coffee, and induce a massive heart attack when consumed. Which definitely raised some suspicions but it's been nearly 40 years so I don't care anymore, it's never getting traced back to me. She thought she was hot shit, because she could toss a couple balls. Guess who had the last laugh at her funeral?
Story 1: No Mercy for the niece or her idiotic parents. That was deliberately done and it was an easy choice. File a police report and insurance and take both of them to small claims court. Then tell everyone in the family what to expect when from the cousin and her daughter when it comes to respecting other people's property.
100%... I don't even know if I would have bothered confronting them first. They made a clear choice and can get a rude surprise (from the cops) just like I did
Heartburn story: OP was flat out lying when she said she didn't make hubby go to the hotel room with her. And then she falls asleep immediately. If I were husband I'd be annoyed too. Doesn't OP have a phone? If she woke up and needed husband to take her to the hospital then she gets on that marvelous machine called a cell phone and calls husband. But instead "I NEED you to come to the hotel room because I NEED you to come to the room."
@@vampgirl892004 That's true. I've read somewhere that signs of a heart attack are different for women than they are for men. It sounds like OP and his wife know for certain that it's just heartburn, though.
Yea I get that because only one partner experiences pregnancy when both decide to have a baby, the other should be extra considerate of what they are able to do that the other isn’t, or would experience quite differently due to conditions of their body at the time--but this absolutely feels more like unfair overbearing FOMO than a medical need or solidarity situation. They both got to go to the wedding. She could have him on the next shuttle IF heartburn gets worse(?) or whatever.
Story 1: I have a sizable collection of vintage Lego sets, and my brother and his family have a HUGE respect for that. As such, my nephews(9M and 7M) have been told to LOOK but don't touch any of their uncle's Legos which they completely respect and immensely admire. So IF they destroyed my collection like that, my brother would not only pay without hesitation but also deduct that money from their allowances. With that said, I can say without hesitation this is r/entitledparents or/and r/entitledkids territory! NTA!
I had something similar, but more like model sets but lego/mega bloks sets. Anyways I had an aircraft carrier, a battleship and a destroyer there were others but my nephew liked those the most. I shared a house with my brother, my nephew (4/5 at the time) and his gf (ex thankfully), and I would always lock my door when I would leave. One day I came home and my battleship was half of a ship and the other pieces were all over the place and my nephew was standing there holding the other half crying. I was pissed to say the least but not at my nephew, I simply asked him how he got in my room and how he knows he is not allowed in my room. He said "mommy let me in and said it was ok to play with your toys." So we put it back together and later I chewed out his mom. And later that night we had another huge fight when my brother got home. So as a gift last Christmas I got my nephew (19 now) a building set battleship, and after he puts it together I told him I want to play with it he said not happening lol.
I heard the title and thought a 6yo was left unsupervised with the collection and they opened boxes or something A _fourteen year old_ knew exactly what she was doing and is old enough to get a job to repay her uncle
Last story: In an update OP and Sue talked. Sue was hoping the tea time could help create a bonding between herself and her SILs. Sue has no sisters. Sue and OPs daughters are planning a trip to a winery
Sure. But ASKING is one thing. Inviting yourself, then getting upset, then making your husband call his dad an asshole. That's toxic, manipulative, and gas lighting behavior. You EARN that invite, not DEMAND it.
Story 1: OP show no mercy, your cousin let her 14-year-old break into your house and destroy your stuff because you didn't have free money to give her. Take photos of everything make a list of what she stole and get ready to sue her ass for very penny that drat destroyed, and call the cops for trespassing and vandalism. The problem is your cousin isn't taking you seriously show her you mean business.
From what op update he help himself in cousin's house stole thing back and get back by stole 13yrs old food(frozen food) . well the deal is off I guess? He need to report police no steal thing back
At that point, you can’t say she broke in because she must have borrowed the key from the mother to get into her Uncle's House. In court, this can be viewed as maybe crossing boundaries. I mean OP has enough trust in them to just get what they want and be out real quick, not smash /steal things.
@@sailorathena17she should financially reimburse OP, return all missing items, and still do community service. This is a lesson the best, her mom, and the siblings need to learn. Don’t play stupid games!
@@midnight4956 Even if you invite someone into your home, some areas are simply off limits. It's like going into a restaurant, you can go into the bathrooms and dining rooms, but you're not going in the kitchen. Just because you're allowed in does not permit 100% access to all areas.
The pregnant story: OP must have known that wedding was coming for months. She knows it's been a rough pregnancy, she knows what health issues she's been having, and she knows how much hubby has been looking forward to a break. She should have either a) armed herself with the whole medicine cabinet and any pregnancy aids that help her cope, and been prepared to take herself back to the hotel room early, or b) accepted that she was probably going to be dead weight and bowed out with plenty of notice to the couple so they or hubby could invite someone in her place. Collectibles story: Almost choked on my drink when I found out this kid is 14. This wasn't an honest mistake, it wasn't even a tantrum, it was pre-meditated revenge - and she deliberately went after things that would hurt OP the most, all because OP wouldn't just fork over their hard-earned money. She'll owe a lot more than $1,500 when she's trashing her friends', roommates', partners', relatives' and neighbours' possessions over minor slights. Kid needs therapy and OP needs a locksmith to ensure there are no copies of that damn key.
The woman in the pregnancy story is malicious and manipulative. I think she might’ve been jealous if he stayed so she manipulated him to go back with her.
Me too. When the title said 'kids' I thought 10 y/o or younger. 14 is teen category. They definitely knows what they did is wrong. And they did it anyway. To hurt OP. Plain and simple.
At least in my country, only parents are responsible for up to 14 y/o's crimes (like paying a ticket/fee) and 14 y/o and up can get their own punishment (like community work) usually, so if OP reported it then at least here the kid would literally be responsible and probably have to do community service.
I always bring a purse with some pills and sanitary napkins just incase anything happens. I'd have to actually be having a heart attack before I make someone ditch an event. not even mentioning she was probably just having heartburn from the wedding food.
Hairy girl story. Rslash can't figure out how someone would know she's hairy. Any dress, skirt, shorts, tank top will show that she doesn't shave, unless she's super blonde.
OP said she wasn't shaving arms or legs too and has thick dark hair. I've seen girls with more hair than a grown man. Sorry. It can be a turn off. Women have the same preference for hairy or no hairy men. It's not sexist. It's just preference.
That's not how the body works. Unless we are talking huge bushes, it won't be easily visible. And even if body hair was an issue, if you are getting into a relationship, you will have to deal with body hair.
@@NEPAAlcheyIf a woman has that much hair, it could be due to a medical condition called hirsutism. Caused by excess testosterone. The other side of the coin, excess testosterone can also cause thinning of body hair. Women have hair on their bodies. It grows there for a reason.
the last one has an update and it’s pretty much to be expected: sue called and explained that she’s super embarrassed about being a bit pushy on the subject and that she acted that way because she hoped to be invited and didn’t know how to react in the moment. basically it was an awkward series of social mishaps and everyone is chill now
@@lachlanmeijer8706I disagree. Dad is not obligated to invite the DIL on their daddy-daughter dates, which have been happening _for DECADES_ now, since his children's childhoods. DIL should not have ASSUMED that she would be included; if her intentions were _truly_ to get closer to her SILs (as she _claims_ per the update) then as an adult, DIL is old enough to _use her words_ and ASK her SILs _herself_ if they'd like to hang out sometime...NOT simply crash and intrude/forcefully insert herself into a bonding activity between dad and his daughters. OP mentions that they (he and his wife) and the (adult) children don't get to spend a lot of time together anymore, so all parties were likely looking forward to spending that time together. It was inconsiderate and rude of DIL to try to invite herself along. It was manipulative to then run crying to her husband. And the husband, as OP's son, should have realized how important these bonding activities were and redirected his wife instead of attacking his father.
Story: 2 Freedom of choice isn't freedom of consequences of that choice. You can choose whatever you want with your own body and they can decide it's not attractive to them.
Lying down with heartburn makes it worse. I struggle with GERD and one thing all the GI doctors I’ve seen have all said is remain upright as much as possible. Antacid does help. Ive also found drinking copious amounts of water can help as well
Depends on the type of heartburn, you can get heartburn for a variety of reasons but the most common ones are either to much acid or not enough acid, if someone doesn’t have enough acid in their stomach the valve that divides the stomach and the lower end of the esophagus doesn’t close properly, drinking water and taking anti-acid just dilutes the acid more and doesn’t help, or makes it worse. As for laying down you definitely want to stay upright, tho in my experience standing can also make it worse so your best option would be to sit. Of corse none of this applies to everyone, I have found heartburn causes and treatments can vary widely between individuals, like for me I can have periods of chronic heartburn that I only recently discovered are caused by not enough zinc in my diet, I also find I get really bad heartburn when I’m overly stressed out. Any way sorry for the wall of text I just figured I could put my two cents in. 😅
I didn’t get heartburn with my first only me second. I would usually eat a few crackers with peanut butter right before bed and drink lots of water. That and Tums by my bed, kept it from getting super bad.
Last story: I think it’s more that the DIL was so entitled as to invite herself along to something that none of the people involved in that event had asked her to attend. The presumptuousness of her is kinda rude. I’d have awarded her at least one star for that alone. Edited to add: So after reading some of the responses, apparently there was an update, which does change my thoughts somewhat! (Interestingly, OP’s original AITA post wasn’t given a Reddit verdict, because it didn’t contain enough information.) Here is a copy of the update if anyone’s interested: *'Update: I had a conversation with my son, he is the one that mentioned it. I explained what happened and he told me that is what he heard from Sue after she calmed down. He called me a jerk since she was crying and he thought I flipped out on her.* *I also talked to Sue and she gave an apology, and I apologized for being harsh. She heard about it from my son and thought it would be a nice way to get closer to my daughters. I explained the tradition and she told me she understood from the first call. She panicked since I told her no so she kept repeating. She told me she was quite embarrassed and asked if she was still invited to the Halloween dinner coming up, she is.* *She wants a closer relationship with my daughter since she is an only girl on her family. I told her that is a conversation with them and trying to force herself into traditions won’t help that. I suggested she invite them out to a winery or something.* *Also she did find this thread.'* OP’s son is kinda the a-hole for not informing his dad that he had invited his wife, Sue, along to a traditionally special and specific father/daughter only meet up (when she’s obviously not OP’s daughter), without informing OP or his sisters. There’s nothing wrong with OP and his daughters meeting up with the DIL, on a separate occasion, to get closer; but I still maintain that it was a presumptuous thing to do, as presented, only it was the son who placed his poor wife in this unfortunate position. I also still believe that OP did nothing wrong, as it obviously appeared to him - with the information he was working with at the time, and how his DIL seemed to be inviting herself to their specific father/daughter only event - that she was being a tad…brazen? Maybe that’s a bit extreme. OP’s son gets one star from me!
I remember hearing this story before and the DIL isn't entitled. I think OP posted a mini update saying he talked to DIL, and it turns out her going for tea was the son/husband's idea. When OP said it was just between him and his daughters, DIL said she was super embarrassed had a bit of a brain fart and just keep repeating the same thing. DIL understood in the end, and all is well.
The Update that Rslash didn't apparently read is that she wanted to spend time with the other girls and bond with them. Her insistence was just panic and she did apologize for that. :l So no, she's not entitled. Just made a doofy mistake and she's going to hang out with her sisters in law.
How is simply asking and trying to build a relationship with someone "inviting yourself"? Inviting yourself would be simply... joining them without asking
I mean she obviously knew about the event, If I had a party and I told a bunch of people about my party and that I’m inviting all my friends, and someone I told was like oh great when is then party? And I went huh? I just told you it’s for my friends, you aren’t my friend? Well then why did you bother telling me about the party when I thought I was your friend. It’s the same situation imo
Story 2: Your values can be wrong, if you are the common denominator in why something isn't working, its on you to change that. It's pretty telling how OPs friend reacted to the suggestion of shaving, makes it clear that her principles are more important than reality, so the whole not shaving attitude probably comes through in her personality and makes her come off as insufferable.
maybe ops friend reacted that way bc a natural part of her body was being implied to be disgusting or undesireable and she was suggested an unhealthy practice that shes morally against 💀
@@ohboy-zi1yf It is not unhealthy to shave. What a huge cope. Hair on women is usually undesirable in our culture, just as some hair on men is desirable. There is nothing wrong with cultures having preferences for male and female appearances, unless you are willing to condemn all african, asian, latino, and oceanian cultures as well.
@apalsnerg shaving body hair increases your risk of infection (especially if you shave your pubic hair) and damages your skin's ability to repair itself when it gets cut. ingrown hairs can get infected as well. shaving your armpit hair increases sweat production. body hair is there for a reason, removing it will effect your body's ability to function as it should, thats literally common sense. drinking or smoking being common and normalized in a culture doesnt make it healthy to do, same with shaving.
@@ohboy-zi1yf if I as a guy dont shave and look like a hobo Im not offended that no girl wants to sleep with me, I go get a razor and fix it... She should chill tf out
i guess if she s talking about patriarchy all day, no man would like to date her, i mean if only reason why she dont shave is to fight patriarchy then i believe that it is possible
Story 1: The story angers me A LOT. This is a TEENAGER that destroyed her uncle property because she didn’t get money from him (when in the end of the day, she wanna get it anyways). I hope OP files a police report of trespassing and vandalism cuz that ain’t right, also the mom is indirectly supporting her kid behavior. You don’t just destroy someone’s property and expect nothing to happen! Every action has its consequences.
Right?! If some teenager destroyed all my collectibles and belongings over such a ridiculous reason, someone would have to watch me cause i might commit a lil homicide. Also, that kid NEEDS therapy. If saying "no" to a simple request causes her to go this far then that kid needs therapy yesterday.
@ajjamsen694 Quite right. Did this kid see the character of Mona Lisa Saperstein and think she was a role model? By refusing to punish her kid and accepting responsibility for her actions, the mom is setting her up for failure.
I also think he’d never forgive himself if his wife and child died while he was at a party. Everyone saying “it’s just heartburn”. HOW DO YOU KNOW? 32 women out of every 100,000 pregnant women die every year. Over 1200 a year in the US. If she does this to him all the time and nothing is ever really wrong, yeah, she’s an AH. If she was worried just this once, how is she wrong? Are you married? Do you actually care about your partner, or is your own enjoyment all that matters?
I expected this to be hard to listen to as a collector, but barely two minutes and I’m gobsmacked. I figured the kid would be a toddler who didn’t know better, but a teenager?!?! Just because OP wouldn’t randomly give her money?!?!
Same! I was thinking “ten year old played with my stuff” not “teenager old enough to get a job in some states destroys things on purpose.” Not even a hint of moral and ethical gray area there.
I feel sick at the idea of even asking my uncles for money, let alone any of this other stuff! Hell, I only recently got my first job, and I can't remember the last time I asked my own parents for money!
Same, I thought it would be a story of a (young) child opening a boxed toy and ruining the collectors value, or breaking a display model or something. Not a vindictive teenager purposely destroying goods
Story 2: as a woman who doesn’t shave, because I don’t like to, it’s one of those things that you except might be a deterrent when you date. However, it hasn’t been much of a problem for me. I agree with you on the point that not shaving unless you bring it up constantly and make it annoying is not really a dealbreaker for many people. Is likely a personality thing or an attitude thing.
Holy fuck! That tennis playing 16yr old is making 62k a year with that much a WEEK. Wow. I'm jealous, too! But it would be completely unfair to take her money away because she's earned it with talent, skill, hard work, and her friendliness. That sister needs to find her area of expertise. Parents, give your kids an area of expertise.
Yeah I feel like that's the missing component here. OP didn't even try to help her find her interest, just signed her up for the same things as his daughter.
For the 3rd story, Rslash is right. The parents need to treat the kids equally, not that they have the same things all the time. His daughter got a skill, works a job using that skill and makes their own money. She shouldn't have to give anything to her step sister out of obligation. Giving the step daughter money to "make up the difference" will result in a dependant and spoiled teenager. If the step daughter wants more of an equal footing, they need to develop a skill that can earn more. If she isn't athletic, try something technical or something.
Unpopular opinion: I feel bad for the step daughter. She was signed up for things OP's daughter likes not what she likes. No one is trying to know her, what she likes and her hobbies. She could great at chess or poetry but on one knows. OP doesn't even know what she's in to. For me, everyone's the butthole except the girls. Parents failed them both
@leazimridaniels8552 if only she could make in some manner her preferences known to her parents? It sounds like she simply isn't a proactive person and now can't stand seeing different results somewhere else
@@sergiopedraza7856 how do you know? OP only talks about his daughter, what she likes what she's into. Nothing about his step daughter. None of the adults have gotten to know her. He knows that his step daughter isn't into the things his daughter likes. Never does he mention what the step likes. Give me a break
@@leazimridaniels8552 I think this is an exaggeration. Lets keep in mind these are teens. I doubt the younger sister even knows what she likes yet. Let alone rather or not her step dad knows. Working as a barista isn't failing and is nothing to feel bad for at her age. The Oldest was extremely blessed not only to find her passion so young but to make money from it. Not to mention they sound like an upper middle class family. I doubt it's anything like the parents are depriving the youngest from her dreams or ignoring her entirely however simply she just doesn't have any deep passions yet or at least none she's ready to tell her parents about. Plus the point of the post was talking about interest that lead to money. Not hobbies. Also the mom sounds like she would have forced the dad to get the youngest lesson on her passions too anyway. So it really just seems like the step daughter doesn't have any real interests.
Story 3: Fair is fair, they should be treated equal. So as soon as SD find something she loves and spend years perfecting the craft, she can do all the research on how to teach and how much that kind of private teacher makes, then she can try to make a similar amount to your daughter. Because as far as I'm concerned your daughter put in the work to make this much money, she shouldn't have to be forced to give up her hard earned money because SD and wife don't like that you doing better.
Agreed. I’m curious as to the SD’s interests, because I’m sure she could find a way to turn those into some tutoring cash if she tried. I was always an introvert on the computer programming and making random stuff, and I’ve tutored others once or twice on some languages.
Story 2: If a friend of mine chose not to use deodorant based on some "social message," telling them that people stay away because of the smell is not an insult their decision - it is just pointing out the obvious. Yes, she may choose not to shave, but there are social consequences whether she approves of the consequences or not.
there is a difference from not practicing hygiene to the point that you smell and not shaving. thats not a good comparison. its more accurate to say that getting multiple facial piercings and a face tattoo of a dick turn some people off, same as not shaving turns some people off. but, yes, once you decide to step away from conventual beauty standards, you have to understand that your pool of potential partners shrinks and you will have to search longer to find someone who is willing to date you.
@@pandemoniumglaciers82 It's the body in it's "natural state", that's why this comparison works. Presumably, you wouldn't accept this from your potential partner. The point is to highlight that this isn't a principled stance. It's arbitrary. Everyone can choose what they do, but they can't get mad at the consequences. Also, let's not pretend women in general would love it if men just let their hair and beards grow naturally. I'm sure some do, but as is the case with this lady, the guys who want to look like literal cavemen are going to have issues.
The tennis story: That's basically my childhood, only my siblings are biological and the tennis lessons were selling newspapers. My parents stopped buying things like ice cream for me because I worked and made money but they kept buying for my siblings. There's a three year gap between me and the next oldest. I'm the oldest of all. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind learning the value of money and I figured that when they reached my age when I started working they would have to start working for their stuff too. However that never happened. They kept buying everything for them no matter what. In fact, they made sure they got as much money as I made by working. Even the younger ones got as much as I made.
3 years is a huge age difference even in your teens. You start making money it's yours to use as you choose. Younger siblings are still dependent. Now when the younger are making money in a few years and your parents still buy them everything you have a reason to resent it
@@duanesamuelson2256as someone who was in this exact situation, no, it does not matter that there is an age gap. Its still unfair. They didnt provide that extra funds when i was a kid, and yet they do to the others?
@@nine9nine9 I'm the oldest..I started working at 12 ((for not much) and once I was working most things I paid for myself, including clothes entertainment and so on. My sibs had most everything given to them for years, including college. While others may feel it's unfair I personally never cared since I was free to do as I wished I also have little sympathy for people who are adults still brood over what happened when you're a kid. The feelings are valid, but I also don't sympathize. If someone is still upset about it cut contact and move on. No one has a perfect childhood no matter how it looks from the outside.
Heartburn story - I just wanna applaud the Husband for being very adult and mature about it. He made his desires clear, asked if his wife was comfortable with that desire. When she wasn't, he was obviously disappointed and frustrated, but he read the situation correctly and took the path of least resistance. And though he was frustrated, he didn't get angry, he didn't get loud or aggressive, and told her why he was upset in a mature and reasonable way, when she asked him why.
Story 2: I think this is about long leg hair man, she doesn’t shave anywhere so what I understood is that she has long hair on her legs/arms. I can also imagine she’s on dates complaining about the patriarchy so may not be the most fun to be around? Cause she complains a lot?
She might even have a mustache even if it won't usually be as thick as us men, or she can easily have a unibrow for example. She might even have visible arm hair or maybe even a light beard in some cases. When a woman doesn't shave, it differs wildly how it would look. Some women can easily get away with not shaving, some start looking like adolescent boys who are beginning to grow body hair. Especially if they naturally have dark and thick hair strands.
Bingo. PLUS, it goes beyond political ideology. It is also the fact that she is unwilling to her actions (not shaving) have consequences (failed dates). If she won't take responsibility for her dating outcomes, what are the odds that she will take responsibility for anything else?
Just going to throw out there that in most of the western world, people consider shaving or trimming hair to show that you care about your appearance. Her vehemence to "smash the patriarchy" and never shave telegraphs two important things: 1) she doesn't think she should do -anything- to make herself more attractive to any potential partner (IE: everything is one sided and it is -her- way) and 2) She is so dedicated to her ideology that she likely will put off anyone who identifies as male. Primarily because I don't know many men who would be interested in being belittled every time they do anything or walk on eggshells for existing in the presence of someone that married to an anti- ideology. There is a distinction to call out here in supporting feminist ideology and "smashing the patriarchy". Now, I could be wrong on her ideals with that, but when I have seen someone that dedicated to an ideology they are either demanding all men die or all women need to be barefoot and chained to a kitchen. Either way, I doubt many people want to be degraded in a relationship.
That's exactly my thoughts.. it could be an indication of a larger personality type.. as a woman myself, I've met women who don't shave, some of the (not all) also don't wear makeup, heels etc.. OK Fine, it's your life. BUT then they roll their eyes when I retouch my lipstick makeup etc and make snarky comments.. like why ??😂😂
When I heard the title of the first story I honestly thought that when OP said 'kids' I was thinking of kids under the age of probably 10 years old. Not a teenager! NTA, get your stuff/money's worth and probably should banned the 'kid' from your house if you so choose to.
I don't care how old the kids are if they destroy something very expensive it's up to the parents to compensate me for damages at least to an extent, at least when the kid enters my house unsupervised without me knowing.
@@erikmckoul2478Same. I have a video game in my tv room, and I usually leave the controls in there. I rrmember telling my friend about how expensive those are and then one day she bought her 3 yrs old and I gave the girl a small rubber toy which she immediately threw back at me. She then went to grab my switch controlers and my blood went cold. But, apparently her mother remembered what I told her before and quickly grabbed her kid while panicking and saying "No!! those are expensive!!" Lol she knew damn well that if her kid broke my crontollers she would be the one to pay for a new one. I actually think she was more worried about having to pay than actually trying to educate her daughter
Story 2: As someone who doesn't shave (I have a fear of razors) I feel like I can weigh in and say that OP is in the clear and Emily needs to chill. Given how it's just kind of expected for women to shave their legs/armpits, most guys I think find it a little offputting when they meet someone who's even a bit fuzzy. Especially if in most photos she's seen from the waist up and with sleeves long enough to hide everything. Not even like, maliciously, it's probably just a bit surprising. Plus, while I'm fine leaving most hair, if I'm going somewhere and I'm not wearing long sleeves I still use hair remover on my pits because no matter how often I clean 'em they just end up smelly anyway. So whether guys were a bit turned off or she wasn't wearing enough deoderant, OP is right - the hair is a contributing factor. She's just got to wait for a guy who doesn't care about hair, and that could take a while. It'd be fine to say "Hey not shaving is important to me, is there anything else you can suggest", but to get immediately defensive and blame OP for the patriarchy or whatever is just ridiculous. In fact if the whole body hair argument is about women being forced to shave, isn't she technically victim blaming? Whatever the case, OP is NTA.
Preference: I prefer my partners (and myself) with well groomed minimal body hair (I keep light facial hair, trim my armpit hair, and shave pretty much everything else every couple of weeks). To me a preference is fine, but that does not deny the existence of the patriarchal societies influence as below. Patriarchy: that woman has any sort of body hair, and even though I'm not dating her, I'm going to make it a problem, give her shit about it, and make fun of her and people like her online and with my friends The amount of people who argue whether or not a preference on body hair is okay is astounding to me because it largely just ignores that there is a difference between what we prefer with ourselves / our partners and how a male dominated society imposes their personal preference on all women and shames those who don't comply.
@@holdendewit7088 I can see that you mean well but the way you describe "preference" sounds like a requirement. preferences are fine but they start to become a problem when you stop treating other people with respect and decency just bc they don't fit your superficial "preferences". Many people hide behind "preferences" when in fact it's a demand. Think about it like this: "I prefer my pizza to be spicy and I won't date you if you don't also eat your pizza spicy, even though I know you don't like spicy food" That's not a preference, that's a requirement/demand. It's kinda the same with how people confuse boundaries with demands and control. "My boundary is that my partner doesn't hang out with the opposite sex" That's not a boundary, that's control. Preferences and boundaries are perfectly fine and valid but don't dress them up as such, when they're in fact demands. People should at least be honest about it (their demands) because anything else is just BS. Anyway I hope you didn't take this as an attack, because that wasn't my intention.
@@FrogAtPond I don’t see how not wanting to date a person that does not fit your preferences or personal requirements of a romantic partner equals not treating a person with respect. To me the fact that these guys all apparently gave OP‘s friend a seemingly good date and giving generic excuses does show that they don’t want to hurt her feelings and hence show her respect in that way - although that is rather dishonest and doesn’t fully sit right with me either then. But I get that they are probably coming from a place with good intentions. If you feel like a person having a lot of body hair crosses some sort of boundary in people you are willing to date, that in itself is not disrespectful.
No where does the post suggest OP linked it to body hair or that OP has surveyed all these dates and found out this is the reason. You made a judgement based on your own prejudices. You assumed it's due to not shaving but your're just projecting onto men you don't know prejudices they may or may not have.
For the heartburn story, we need more info regarding their relationship and if this was a one-time ask or if this is something she constantly asks of her husband. Regardless, people are allowed to feel frustrated and annoyed and you can't control their emotions.
@@MordorProjectpeople are allowed to want some level of social interaction. Just because you have a kid doesnt mean you cant enjoy your social time as well. Babysitters exist for a reason. I understand his frustration he simply wanted to have fun and enjoy himself but his wife wanted him to go with her just on the off chance she felt worse?
story 2: i’m one of those ppl who rejects that shaving beauty standard, but if my friend/family went about the convo like OP did i’d honestly think it was a good opportunity for conversation, not an attack. OP seems really respectful and her friend should be more open to honest discussion
Story 3) I'd go out on a limb and say your _wife_ is the one picking favorites here Suggesting you guys pay the difference is crazy, but suggesting you take from your daughter and redistribute it to hers is insane. She's *_way outta pocket_* for that one. Consider this: she either gets a reality check, or you divorce. Cause that level of favoritism is not healthy for your daughter to be around OP 😅
The first story is the exact reason I dont let any kids into my room. I literally block the entrance when we have family gatherings at our house. I really hope we see this person in a future best of updates
I know you don't give that score often, but, as a Dragon Ball Fan myself, everyone but OP in the first story gets 5/5 Buttholes. NEVER mess with a Dragon Ball Fan's collectibles.
Agreed this but you can do that logic with ANY fan's collectables. A Pokémon fan collectables, Mario, Sonic, etc. Just don't destroy collectables because they're pricey to replace
it doesn't MATTER that they are collectibles... it can be anything with sentimental value, in the end that's the only value that matters. with collectibles you can't get hung up on monetary value. because often the real value associated with how you acquired the item, whether it was the one worn/used by a cast member of the show, etc. like you can buy autographed baseballs all over the place, for what you can't buy is the baseball that YOU caught in the stands and had signed after the game... none of those other baseballs were THAT ball.
She wasn't telling her to give up her principles, she's merely proposing that it might be a contributing factor. The friend's reaction is pretty telling though, so I'm fairly sure that's just a glimpse of how quick to anger and how openly principled she is. That can be a big red flag to some.
I don't think her being openly principled is necessarily the problem, I think her principles are what's hindering her dating life. She's entitled to whatever principles she wants to have, but it's crazy to expect a man with any self-respect to date a woman who blames the patriarchy, and by extension, that guy, for any problems she might have. I mean, unless she's into absolute doormats of men, I doubt she'll have a very fruitful dating life.
Yeah. That attitude immediately sends up warning signs. As a guy, there are 3.5 billion women on the planet. This one seems like she has a couple screws loose
well there are really some men who get turned on by puvic hair, but unless she is putting her pants down in the first date then is no way to know. And if she is putting her pants down in the first date and nobody liked so far , then her principles are kind of mix up, have the dignity to not shave because whatever with men, but not to go bed with who ever is in her view, i don't think that's the issue though.
@@dinlupus3196 It's not the hair. The hair is a red herring. It's her attitude. She obviously has some deep-seeded issues. First off, anyone legitimately talking about "the patriarchy" in 2023 is just nuts. Men generally haven't cared about the makeup you use in half a century. She sounds obsessive and defensive. Would avoid women/people like this like the plague
For the pregnant heart burn story, idk how her situation specifically is, but personally from someone that started suffering from heart burn at 20 and is now 26, depending on how you are, it can be sudden and you can try to avoid certain foods and not realize that maybe that sprinkle of garlic they seasomed the food with wants to kill you this time. Ive had sudden huge comings of heartburn, with no warnings that it was coming, where the heat made me immediately dizzy and faint. Sometimes while asleep the amount if acid building up will try to come back up and burn my throat and try to drown me. Ive had several close calls where im grasping for air, despite being medicated and sleeping on a huge sit up type of pillow. Heart burn can get terrible and if shes pregnant i cant imagine adding more on top of it all.
Story 3: Daughter is selling a skillset that she has spent YEARS learning. This is not an easy job for her to have gotten, it's not an easy job to be doing while also doing school and having a social life. If Stepdaughter was making 12,000$ a month as a streamer doing four hour streams five days a week, should she be giving 50% to Daughter to make things fair? Of course not!
Daughter got lessons paid for years to learn that skill and be able to make an income. Did stepdaughter get that, for something that she showed interest in? Still not saying daughter should share
@@random27But she's NOT interested, the story specifically states that they keep trying and the step sister keeps quitting. She just wants money because she's jealous ops daughter can afford nicer things and wants her money.
@@Elipsyclips there is a lot of things missing to say the dad did, or didn't give both girls the same opportunity to succeed in their own field of interests. But it's does sound like there was favoritism in the type of opportunities given. And one succeeded with that and the other didn't. Because they are very different people. And that can hurt. Especially when the response is ' life ain't fair, you just should have become a professional athlete'
@@RiveroftheWither what is she not interested in? Being an athlete? Doing the sports her sister does? You are right. And they keep pushing her to do that. But what does she like? Nothing is said about that. And are there things she does like she asked help with, we don't know. That's why you can't judge. But maybe she asked to get cooking classes, and didn't get it. Wanted to do artistic hobbies, and didn't get material for it. Not saying anything about that. But dad just focuses hard on support with sports. And she said no for that. But she could have been put on a different path. Selling cupcakes and pies. Doing artwork. Maybe video editing. And no, she shouldn't complain about not getting as much money from her job. But maybe complain about her parents supporting her dreams. That would maybe lead her on a different path of financial freedom
On the second story. If the girl was wearing a dress, then it could be very easy to spot armpit hair. I speak from experience. My ex from high school and I have still kept in touch over the last 30 years, and she stopped shaving one year. No biggie, but I definitely noticed it poking out from the yellow sleeveless sundress. So depending on what was worn on those dates it could be obvious, but I'm really betting on the lack of dates is her winning personality. They would much rather cut-bait and run :)
Would I care if a girl was hairy? No. Would I care if a girl forcefully brought up the patriarchy many times on a first date? Would kind of be a red flag for me. I'm a feminist and an equal rights activist, but thats not my dating profile. It's important to me, but it's not my entire life.
If she has very visible arm and leg hair that is a turn off sadly. Just like some women don't date men with hairy chests. God forbid anyone have a preference these days
Agree, she's likely bringing up her strong political views during dates. Her reason for not shaving and excuse for being angry about it being brought up lean towards this reason. Nothing wrong with a girl simply not wanting to shave, but in this case the reasons behind it seem to be s problem.
@NEPAAlchey It's OK if it would bother you. It wouldn't bother me at all. I have a 16" long beard and long hair, not all girls like bearded long haired dudes. Some girls LOVE chest hair. I've been married to one for 19 years.
Honestly everyone is entiteld to preferenses. Though i dont really know much of dating, since i’ve been in the same relationship for almost 20 years now. Also im not american, and most stuff i hear about dating in that country makes me feel that if i wasnt in a stable relationship id probably avoid dating like the plague… But maybe more relevant for the person in the post, its probably her very strong, opinionated personallity that easily rubs people the wrong way. I am way to introverted to stay with a person likely to cause a scene or argue with strangers.
I think something to point out in the shaving story is that op had previously said that "[she's] *gorgeous* and the right man will come along eventually." Then, when asked for advice on how to score a second date, OP suggests shaving. There is NOTHING mentioned about personality or manners, stuff that's more important than outward appearance. So even if OPs friend is just really unlucky going on dates with superficial guys, seems like OP thinks the only important quality here is beauty
@@outogetyougotyou5250 that's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying nothing in ops post reflects any values past exterior beauty... There are no comments about her personality, only the fact that she's hairy and it's framed in a manner that is implying body hair is gross. Her advice may not be wrong exactly but it might be an indication that OP is not the person to go to for valuable advice
@@jello9739 Not sure you were paying attention....OP: "my friend is an amazing person - fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing and just a great girl to be around." And repeating that sentiment multiples when asked in the past why things have never gone beyond a 1st date. And then when asked again providing a new perspective...well I'd say the OP displays far more than focusing solely on aesthetics.
@@outogetyougotyou5250true I suppose that part slipped my mind, but at the same time where was that context in their conversation? Like obviously we don't have the entire context but to frame it as Friend: "dating sucks no one wants a second date" Op: "well have you tried shaving?" Just seems very fishy to me... Also like rslash said, not shaving just isn't something that people notice that much, unless they are someone who cares what other people do with their bodies, which is a red flag anyway. The only reason why having body hair would be a first date issue is if her armpit hair is not being kept clean and it's causing BO,
Yea , ops entire approach was that her friends personality as it is doesnt need to much tweaking, so it must be about her appearance. And i hate to say it but realisticly most people on the planet care about looks to some degree when you just meet them with the intent to date. And people also have the right to have dating prefferences. No one can force you to find a certain quality attractive or not. That includes bodyhair, weight, size even race, style etc. Etc. It is a thing much like ones sexuality that is unique to you. To date soley based on personality works best if you make friends first and just be around each others personality alot to see that and get attracted to that. If you are actively dating you engage with physical attraction in mind and thus limit yourself by for example not shaving. Something most still preffer. But it is your choice, so if you insist you must keep looking for that individual who either likes or can accept that aspect. But i will say given how she reacted to op that her bodyhair isnt even the real issue here.
I don’t agree with the last story. It’s great that the daughter-in-law wants to be involved, but it’s rude to assume your invited into another family’s tradition that was going on before she became a part of the family. Don’t just assume your invited. She should have asked if she can come, which would be the polite thing to do. However, she just assumed and only asked what the address is. I’d definitely give a butthole score to her (probably 1 out of 5).
Yeahh, but also it's weird wanting to go to a lunch/dinner with a man and his daughters when well that's the time to spend with your parent/kids, hangout with each other, and catch up. It's not for sils or bils as well, that would be another event like if you have dinner with the family and stuff like that
For the second story. It is 100% her personality, not the hair, as to why she can't get a second date. Just from her response about the suggestion of shaving has her going off on OP. OP isn't an asshole for suggesting shaving, they were just brainstorming ideas of what might be off-putting since they didn't see her personality as an issue. The friend getting immediately angry at OP suggest they might not be a good person for certain conversation topics which would end up turning most dates off depending on the type of guys she's dating. I'd suggest to OP to sit down and talk to their friend about how the dates went and to pay attention to what was said, how the date reacted, and how interested them seem when parting ways. Rslash, you are not crazy and thank you for reading this comment. I hope you have a great day.
I think I'd give Sue like .5 buttholes for being so pushy. If I were in her shoes, I'd be sad and disappointed, but I'd say something like "Oh... sorry... I wish I could come. Maybe we could all do something else?" And then I probably would go tell my husband how sad I was. But I wouldn't keep telling my FIL "Well, I'm your DIL, so I'm entitled to come." Y'know?
There was a comment say that the update stated the her husband had told her to invite herself so she could bond with them but didn't ask the dad before saying something. The DIL was so embarrassed on the phone she just kept repeating that she was his daughter in law now and felt really really bad. She wasn't trying to be pushy her husband was pushing.
As someone with acid reflux, I can confirm that while heartburn is uncomfortable, it's not like a broken leg. Like you said, sit down (lying down actually can make it worse) and take a tums, avoid certain foods for a while. It doesn't require someone waiting on you hand and foot.
9:25 let's pretend for a second that OP's daughters are both 2yrs older so they're legal adults, how fucking bizarre would it be if a lawyer was paying the majority of their paycheck to a barista? Why in the fuck would the mother even suggest that. I get wanting the best for your kid but we all need to admit that most kids are not the best and probably don't have a real shot at it. I say this as the barista sister. I didn't apply myself so now I'm working extra hard to catch up to my sister and its not her fault at all.
Very true. It can be a hard lesson to learn, but very valuable if you actually learn it. Some of us have to start at the bottom, but we only stay there if we choose to.
In a just society that Lawyer should be getting taxed and those taxes should be used to help the less fortunate get a leg up and at the very least get to a place they can provide for themselves. I feel like a lot of people are missing the fact here that since daughter is making so much money now, the parents have more resources in order to help their other daughter get a leg up now too.
@@thatstranger6114 Sorry but that's a load of guano. A lot of people start and the bottom and are kept their by lack of social nets, education, and other opportunities/privileges. I grew up in the system, I wouldn't have gotten out of it if it wasn't for the kindness of someone else because there was no way to get a leg up, despite me fighting desperately for years.
@@cuddlicalf4854 your average lawyer isn't making enough to help another person pay rent, let alone everything else. now, your average CEO who makes over a million dollars on the other hand ... anyway, nowhere in OP's post did they ever say that the other girl is getting deprived. in fact, OP said that they are putting her in different sports to see if she likes any and that is expensive. the thing is, OP's bio daughter is buying fancy things with her own money and the other girl isn't getting the fancy stuff. the only person going on about how unfair things are is the wife. the step-daughter might not even be upset about it.
I think the right approach for the parents here is to give the step daughter a talk. They should properly explain to her why her sister can afford stuff. And if she wants to afford these things, she should have the skills to do it. If she wants to pursue something that would pay her more, let’s talk about it and see how we can fund that education. It’s all about teaching them to fish rather than handing them the fish (monetary)
Story 3: Giving the stepdaughter money is setting her up for failure as an adult. Better she understands now that not everybody makes the same amount of money, and that comes down to luck just as much as it does skill. It's a good life lesson to learn. I think she'd feel entitled and a lot more upset if they did give her the money.
First Story, NTA: OP should simply sue his cousin because like he said, she IS responsible for her kids. The fact that the child destroyed OP's property because OP declined her request for money speaks volumes about the cousin's parenting. Yeah, maybe she didn’t do it and it was all 3 of them but the fact she got mad because OP didn’t give her money still speaks volumes Second Story, NTA: I was going to say YTA until it was mentioned that this friend was asking OP for advice. This lady can’t complain about not getting second date with guys, and ask for advice to get the second date. She asked for advice and got it Third Story, NTA: OP's stepdaugher needs to learn now that life isn’t fair and things aren’t just handed to her. OP's daughter works for the money she paid and earned the opportunities she has. How would it be fair to force one daughter to use their hard earned money for the other? If OP's wife wants to be fair why can’t she buy her daughter these things? Why should that responsibility fall on the 16 year old? Fourth Story, YTA: I mean I get wanting support from ur husband but OP really didn’t need him to come all the way back to the hotel, especially since she went straight to sleep after that. OP wasn’t being fair to her husband Fifth Story, NAH: Yeah, OP is justified but OP is not being welcoming. Wouldn’t OP want his DIL to like him? That said, I OP is justified but she is justified in wanting to do family activities since she is now apart of the family
@@GiordanDiodatoyea, op can. they literally state they were hit suddenly with a wave of no energy. that means youll fall asleep damn near immediately upon laying down. they also had heartburn, which all you can do for that is lie down.
A teenager makes more than I do as a single dad in his 30s? Kill me now... Edit: Wife in the story is literally not making any sense and is hypocritically playing favorites. And not only would making 1 daughter give money to the other be punishing her for her success, but that it just creating unnecessary drama and resentment as well.
Karen: i told him i didn't "make him" go back to the room with me. Meanwhile also karen at the reception: no i NEED YOU to come back to the room with me to care for me. Girl you're being selfish YTA.
Heartburn: This highly depends on the intensity. My wife has started to get heartburn that requires medication. She breaks out in a cold sweat, has intense pain, vomits. And while based on this story the OP's heartburn isn't to that level, it's something to keep in mind.
Malicious destruction requires punishment. Go to small claims or you'll never see anything from this. And don't be stupid enough to break into thr cousins home and steal things to get back at her. She will 1000% file charges and then you are completely screwed
It still wouldn't nullify his damage claims, even legally. It would just mean both would need to pay a fine, and I don't doubt that OP's would still be the way smaller one.
Ever since I started my own collection (Monster High dolls), the stories about destroyed collections start hitting me even harder than it did before. Collections are very expensive, mine is worth around $1,500. I'm paranoid of someone destroying my collection because they're upset at me. OP should've asked for $3,000, I wouldn't take any less if I were OP.
So my only issue with story 3 (tennis kid) is OP mentions trying to get the shy kid into sports, so he could spend equally on them, but doesn’t mention if they ever tried to spend on stuff the shy kid was ACTUALLY interested in. Like, is the shy kid into band? Could they have progressed enough to give music instructions, similar to the tennis instructor sister? Or was it just "welp, you aren't interested in sports. Soooo, I guess I'm done here?" To be clear, still 110% agree that paying the difference or haveing the tennis sister pay is absolutely ludicrous, but idk, I feel like there is a piece missing in the story.
it is entirely possible the step-daughter hasn't discovered a thing she is deeply passionated about yet either, so OP can't really focus on a specific thing to help her beyond 'try different things'. some kids knows what they want from a young age, others spend majority of their life figuring it out. It is only natural that the one that is super focused on a single goal will get success more quickly than one jumping back and forth between different goals. That isn't being unfair, that is just life.
Yeah. I asked myself, "Does OP even know what the step-daughter is passionate about? Has he tried helping her develop some skills?" Sounds like OP is using a one-size-fits all approach to parenting based on this limited info. He's not a monster, but helping this situation is going to require some tricky parenting.
Re: heartburn story: no one is the a, both are tired, each in their own way. But your pregnant spouse is entitled to feel whatever, so I think 0/5 for both.
I don't understand how people have kids back after back and they say they are exhausted. You as a parent knows how exhausting parenthood is and ofc is gonna be more exhausting then before!
For story 2, I'm going to go out on a limb. I suspect that if OP's friend has problems getting a second or third date is not her body hair but just from the friend's reaction to the advice, OP's friend sounds pretty grim to be around. Not the butthole ...
Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. if everyone she dates isn't going for a second date, its a her problem. whether that problem is her personality or that she's going after men who don't want to date hairy women, she is still the problem.
Just the fact that she is unwilling to accept that her actions have consequences suggests she has personality defects that would turn dates off even if she were waxed smooth from the cheeks on down. Then there's the fact that the same ideology that led to her grooming choices stem from an ideology which would also scare any sane man off. She's a lost cause.
You haven't heard anything about her besides that she's lovely and sweet and has body hair and a liberal view on gender norms. It sounds like YOU have a problem making assumptions about others....
Story 2: Lol rslash you totally forgot about leg hair 😂 guys (and some women) do get really weird about leg hair on women. I've heard men talk about (long) leg hair on women I know who stopped shaving as if it made them undateable. Also, if the friend isn't shaving out of principle, she may deliberately be wearing sleeveless shirts and/or dresses/shorts on the first date to weed out guys who wouldn't be ok with her choice not to shave. No point in hiding it initially when he'll end up seeing it eventually if all goes well; you don't want to get several dates in only to learn that body hair is a deal breaker for him
Story 2: It sounds like she's one of the ones that go out of their way to tell everyone she's not shaving as the first thing she says to them. Either that or she puts the men down by going on and on about the patriarchy. Women dont like to be talked down to and neither does men.
@@clayfan3listen to the first 30 seconds of story 2 again, there's no reaching here. Sounds pretty likely that what the original commenter said has a pretty good chance of being true
@@clayfan3Did we saw the same story? She said she doesn't shave because of patriarchy, also the excuse is her principle is bs, so if my principle is never take a bath, mean I won't need to take a bath ever? Shave is part of higyne and she isn't doing it, it isn't only the armpits is also her legs and unless she always using jeans people will notice and before you say a man don't do this, they do mostly if they are into sport at a professional level.
Yes, people absolutely notice body hair. You know what they also notice? A hard-core feminist who regularly brings up the patriarchy. Most guys aren't into both things.
I agree with this, im lesbian so i come across my fair share of super feminists, I usually dont date them because i know theyll criticize 50% of what i do and call it patriarchal, i also come across my fair share of no shave lesbians, not my thing but i understand why some people dont care
Yeah, as soon as I heard that she did it because of the patriarchy that was a red flag. I’ve seen many instances where women who parrot those lines are also unpleasant to be around and generally angry at men and blame them for their struggles. Why would anyone want to date you if you’re blamed for their problems just because you’re a guy?
the thing about appearances is that beauty standards aren't universal. even in a culture that thinks body hair is gross, you'll have people who think its hot. but, a shitty personality, is a universal turn-off. if every date isn't coming back for more, then its not a them problem, its a you problem. once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern after all.
2nd story/Hairy girl story: I don't shave very often (it's a sensory thing). The hair is very noticeable on my legs, armpits, etc. This has never deterred a potential date. I'm with RSlash here - it's likely something else about her that's causing guys to not want a second date. BUT OP, knowing their friend is sensitive about her reasons for not shaving, shouldn't have brought it up in the first place because there really wasn't any way that the friend wasn't going to take it as an attack on her character and values. So I guess ESH? 0.5/5 b-holes for OP because they were genuinely trying to help their friend but it backfired, and 0.5-1/5 b-holes for the friend because they need to not ask for advice if they're not prepared to hear something that might hurt their feelings and that they might need to change.
Last story: she is an ah. You don't invite yourself to anything. She was pretty entitled on how she did it. She could've had asked if she could come. But she can't just assumed she is invited. She is family, but she's not op's daughter.
You're an AH for assuming she invited herself. She's married to OP's son. She's his daughter by marriage. That's literally what daughter-in-law means. It's just as likely that her husband, OP's son, told her about the dates and HE assumed she'd be welcome. It isn't unreasonable or out-of-line for OP's son to assume that his father would WANT to treat her like a daughter.
@@SkunkApe407nah ur weird for that. Daughter in law don’t mean shit. You just married my kid. I don’t have to treat u the same as I do my biological daughter. Like what?
14:25 "I got a call from Sue asking about times for tea" She invited herself. Even if her husband said she would be welcomed, he is not part of the tea party. He shouldn't have invited her to something he is not part of (if he actually told her to go). Why isn't the first thing she asked if he'll be fine with her coming? And asking the daughters, her sisters-in-law? Don't she want to have a good relationship with them? Why overstepping? Like I said in my original message, she is family, but not op's daughter. He would never treat her like his child because she isn't. She's the wife of his son. Stepping on a tradition of parent-kid is rude. It's not that she wants to participate, it's ok to ask. But it's not ok to assume that you are as important as op's kids and that you don't have to ask to him AND the daughters. If you'll be ok with that, that's ok too. But perhaps your daughters or sons would be sad to not even have a say for their time with you. I think the majority of people would think it's rude to assume those kinds of things.
@@ayeurieleo7650 There's an update to the story that explains nearly exactly this. "Update: I had a conversation with my son, he is the one that mentioned it. I explained what happened and he told me that is what he heard from Sue after she calmed down. He called me a jerk since she was crying and he thought I flipped out on her. I also talked to Sue and she gave an apology, and I apologized for being harsh. She heard about it from my son and thought it would be a nice way to get closer to my daughters. I explained the tradition and she told me she understood from the first call. She panicked since I told her no so she kept repeating. She told me she was quite embarrassed and asked if she was still invited to the Halloween dinner coming up, she is. She wants a closer relationship with my daughter since she is an only girl on her family. I told her that is a conversation with them and trying to force herself into traditions won’t help that. I suggested she invite them out to a winery or something. Also she did find this thread."
@@Mashy8722 nah, you're weird for thinking that it's okay to treat your kid's spouse like a stranger. People like you get left and forgotten in poorly run nursing homes, and wonder why nobody visits.
Story 2: I grew up around a few moms who didn’t shave for the same reason - key word “mom”, in HAPPY marriages. It’s all about finding the right person. OP’s friend needs to make sure her dating profiles TRULY reflects her values. And the reason I knew these moms didn’t shave was because the armpit hair was NOT subtle 😂 so no, it’s not something a person wouldn’t notice unless she was wearing long sleeves and long pants, which is a long shot.
Well, there is also the fact that it can differ wildly from woman to woman. Some can easily get away with not shaving, having some hair in armpit and privates is not that bad, but some start to look like adolescent boys who just started to grow hair all over their body instead.
Second to last story: rslash I'm very disappointed in you, she can't "just take tums" because pregnant women CANT TAKE MEDICINE. So not only does she have hormones, and an achy body, but also a husband who couldn't communicate about wanting a night to be an adult and instead acted like a child with one word answers
“A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore (LEGS, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy, resulting in her having VERY LONG DARK HAIR _EVERYWHERE.”_ Rslash: _goes on a rant about about how no one could know she doesn’t shave her armpits_ LEGS, bro. She also doesn’t shave her LEGS. That is something blatantly obvious _especially_ if the leg hair is long and dark.
Story 5: I don’t agree with OP. She had heartburn. They got a hotel room so they could stay out late, like adults. But she made him come home annoyingly early and then fell right to sleep. She had heartburn, but she fell right to sleep? He probably sat up, sad and frustrated that he could still be at the wedding.
@@KadeStringer2.0That is true, but she most definitely would have made it into an issue if he stayed at the wedding rather than went back to the hotel with her.
@@KadeStringer2.0she said she wanted him to go back with her meaning if he stayed she would be mad at him ya she basically made him. Its even said by him if he stayed she would make him feel bad for choosing wrong. She didnt need him to go back with her at all she just wanted him not to have fun because she wasnt having fun.
re: Heartburn: I'm not commenting on the story itself, but this: "... you just lay down and have some Tums..." Nah, you don't want to lay down-you want to keep sitting up until it subsides. If you want to be in bed, then you need to have your upper half propped up so that the flow of acid from your stomach stays as far down as possible. If you have to sleep on your side, then you want to try keeping on your left side because flipped over (on your right side), your stomach is above your esophagus. I have really bad acid reflux, so I'm a little envious when people say "It's just heartburn." It's great that it's trivial for most folks, but when you do have GERD it can be the worst. So many nights wasted because I went out to dinner with friends at a later hour and my stomach acid LAUGHS at antacids.
Children like everybody else are not above consequences. If a child deliberately destroys something, that child should be punished. Definitely not the butthole.
Exactly. And if they are still a legal child, the legal guardian(s) of the child is/are responsible for making the victim of the child's actions, if any, whole again. In the case of the first story: The parents are responsible for paying for the CURRENT value of the collection. Not the 3k OP paid for it, not the 1500 Op asked for it. if this gets claimed, OP is entitled to the current value of each piece in the collection, including (if the judge doesn't throw it out) a digital scan and repair of the ripped drawing, should OP want to pursue that angle. The OP will, however, need to look up every item's current value as well as have evidence both that they owned each piece they claim for and that the kid admits to destroying them. Assuming that some pieces might have become more rare, it may be that this will even extend beyond the limit of small claims in some places.
Story 2: Almost every person I've met that doesn't shave brings it up in conversation themselves. They want to brag about growing bacteria and needing to use more products to hide the smell. It's DEFINITELY her personality.
While having more body hair DOES invite more chances for body odor (since it traps pheremones) it's not inherently unhygienic. That's a big reason there's even pushback against shaving to begin with.
@NyttAura I tried not shaving for a few years and no matter what I tried I could never get the odor under control. It also made me sweat profusely. I'll have to look up the reasons for pushbacos. It could also be my genetics 🤦♂️
Exactly she just tried inviting herself has the husnbamds of their daughters tried to go on the son date with the mom has any other wife tried to go the the daughter dates answer no there shouldn't of even been an expectation since there was no precedent
In story about the tennis star daughter, the stepdaughter is a brat and doesn't deserve anything. She could even be like "Let's partner up, you do the teaching and I can pick up or drop the kids and handle the appointments" OR SOMETHING but nope, just give me free stuff. Get outta here
Story 2: Don't get me wrong the hair is probably a huge reason, but considering how upset she got after asking OP advice, I think the bigger reason is her espousing her values, which would be alright if she didn't go shocked pikachu face that shes not getting dates
@@ShadowTaipan Do you lock inside doors every time you go out of your home just in case someone might enter while you aren't there? I mean, i have locks on pretty much every door in the house, but they only ever get used when someone is IN the rooms, i don't bother to lock everything up when i'm not home. If a thief enters while i'm not there, those flimsy inner door locks ain't gonna do jack...
story 2 lol i know for a fact that some guys dont give a crap about body hair cause im one! but man, IMMEDIATLY jumping down her friends throat for giving ADVICE and accusing her of being an enemy shows her personality i dont wanna date her either, even if i dont give an eff about body hair (i always say: "you can keep your body hair if i can keep mine")
Story 4 (Heartburn): It's just chest pain and discomfort. It's not life threatening (AFAIK) and it's pretty easy to manage according to what I've researched. OP needs to let the husband have some social interactions, he's already put in so much time on the kids and OP, so let him have this one night.
I've been pregnant. Heartburn was the least of my concern cause I developed gallstones which, even 6 years later, is crippling at times. Heartburn is uncomfortable and yeah sometimes it hurts really bad but tums helps that fade. My guess is OP just wanted to leave, used her pain as an excuse to make him leave with her because she wanted to be tended to if she didn't immediately fall asleep
I have heartburn/acid reflux, and it can be extremely painful. I'm on daily meds due to it. If I forget, and eat something that can upset my system it can be horrible burn in my throat to my stomach. It's woken me out of my sleep as I am choking, and gasping for air. If you've never experienced it you just don't know, and research cannot describe everyone's experience.
@@marinonightingale did you mean acid reflux? because that is exactly what heartburn is. regurgitation of gastric acid back into the esophagus. but i love the confidence you exhibited while being the most wrong you can be in this situation. 8.9/10
For the unequal wages between daughter and step-daughter, OP is TA for him not putting the same money into training up his step-daughter in a field SHE is interested in. He's ok spending money if it is something his daughter likes to do, but he never tries to see what his step-daughter likes. He just says she is not into sports. That's a frikken copout. This means his daughter gets the training and expertise to be in high demand while his step-daughter just goes and slings burgers. The wife is also wrong because she's trying to compensate her daughter in the wrong way. She should have insisted that OP provide education compensation to her daughter so she can be excellent and in demand in a field that she likes.
Yes!! I was thinking the same thing. The moment you become the stepparent to another child you are taking on the responsibility to commit to them equally like they're your own. I literally can't imagine wanting to marry someone who already has a child and me *not* having *any* interest in nurturing that child.
"Heartburn" story: Bad take Rslash. She she had severe fatigue ("hit a wall energy-wise"). If your wife was so tired she could barely walk or stand, would you have sent her back to the hotel on a shuttle and just hoped she arrived okay? What if she fell down and it hurt the baby? I think she was right to ask her husband to go with her in case her fatigue got worse or, who knows, maybe another health issue came up. She's right that her health should take priority over a SOCIAL event. Also, babysitters exist; if the husband was frustrated about not having adult social time because of watching the other kids, there's a simple solution. Sounds like they have a communication problem more than anything, and the husband needs more education about pregnancy complications.
but the story never indicated the wife was that severe, otherwise it wouldve been mentioned she needed to be carried since the wife is the one who wrote the post, i doubt it was as severe as she claimed since shes feeling inwardly guilty
@@bcatbb2896She fell asleep immediately, that's a pretty clear sign of being exhausted. The point stands that she was feeling unwell. As someone who's had debilitating fatigue that struck unpredictably, I can say it sucks and you need to respond immediately when you get the first warning signs. I can see why she wanted to go back to the hotel right then. But I can also say that since this seemed to be a regular occurrence, they should've discussed a contingency plan beforehand so the husband didn't feel like every choice was a wrong one and the wife didn't feel like he prioritized his friends.
Even still, the part i take issue with is sure, with the exhaustion (taken at face value since the wife is the one writing the post) that she preferred he come along to be sure (better safe than sorry) but should have let him return to the reception. Exhaustion can be a risk in the overall situation, but to pointblank guilt trip him into ending the evening tben and there is wrong over exhaustion and heartburn. Once she had gotten to their room there should be nothing keeping him there.
Shaving is not a values issue, it's cosmetic. Recommending makeup or wardrobe changes are the same kind of thing. Beard trimming and hair styling as well. There are cultures that shave and some that don't. Most western cultures (USA & Canada for example) expect shaved limbs for women and a hairless face. People should not be surprised to be shunned when they press up against social expectation.
The hairy woman should try to go on a date with someone who is blind or severely near-sighted. That's a sure way to determine if this is a hair issue or personality issue. I'll bet my left eye it's the personality...
Somebody else said it best, but the way she was quick to blow up at OP, and what she said when she did is very telling. I'm guessing she's very upfront about her ideologies and it turns them off
@@CinderXiaoLong, I once knew a girl like that. Not only she didn't know when to shut up, she also watched too much "House MD" and confused sarcasm with being a major league butthole...
Story 2: The friend asked for an opinion, she got one. She didn't have to like or take the advice. NTBH, ez. Don't understand why people are calling OP a butthole when she wasn't being at all pushy about "change your values and appearance!" it was simply a, "Maybe guys like less body hair?" Realistically though, I think the reason she's not getting second dates is personality, as rSlash suggested. I could equate it to a vegan person asking why no one wants to date them. Sure, giving up on the vegan thing would open doors to more options in romantic partners, but if they decide that being vegan means more than having a date, that's fine. What a lot of potential romantic partners don't like though, is being berated for eating meat. Good chance this gal is voicing opinions that guys are seeing as a red flag and giving her a pass.
Nah man. Hearburn is NO F*CKING JOKE. "A little bit of heartburn", ITS HELL ON YOUR FUCKING STOMACH, sometimes you cant even drink water or you gonna throw it up!!! But... also not suggesting the husband could go back is bad too.
2nd story. Good friends are those that can tell you the stuff you don't want to hear, but really needs too. Often it's a tricky situation/topic, she will loose a true friend if she let's you go over this. I can only speak from a male perspective, I think its easier for guys to do this then it seams to be for girls. That's just how it is.
Hot take on the pregnancy one here, but I'm supposing that OP does MOST of the childcare when she isn't pregnant and that's ALL she's doing now. Husband is going to work and other things. So now that he isn't and is doing OP's job and having to take care of OP while she's carrying HIS CHILD, he's going to complain about not having adult time? HE MADE THIS BED! HE agreed to have these kids too! He needs to grow up and take care of his commitments. You had your social interaction, now take care of your wife. Don't be a grump about it. If you didn't want any more kids, there's a fix for that.
Kinda wack that rslash talks that talk about "in sickness and in health" all the time and then we have a perfect example for it he's like "she's TA 🤷🏻♂️"
Story 4: I think this is a "no asshole" situation. In an ideal world, OP's husband would have enjoyed his one evening of free time. However: she deeserves free time just as much as him. Biology ensures she doesn't have that option. Expecting her husband to do his best to mitigate that harm while she's pregnant with THEIR baby
Caregiver burnout is a real thing. I know pregnancy is hard, and even harder, when you have a toddler to run after (speaking from experience, not just out of my ass), but hubby needs to be able to recharge so he can better help OP and the kids.
Story 2: Do you think mayne that the friend might not be getting any call backs, because of her anti-patriarchy viewpoints? I mean if you're trying to date men but you also hate the patriarchy, unless they're hardline feminists then you're probably not going to get a whole lot of call backs. 🤷
Story 4: For goodness sake it was heartburn! There was no need for the wife to be so overdramatic and demand her husband come back to hotel room to ‘take care of her’ like a sulking toddler. It was also very manipulative because if he had refused then she would have held it over his head and got pissy at him for ‘abandoning his poor, pregnant wife’. Even though OP admits in her post he’s gone above and beyond for her and their kids during this pregnancy. Being pregnant does NOT give women the right to act as spoiled, entitled princesses! I’m a mother and been pregnant 3 times myself (one time was with twins) and yes some were a bit easier than others (twins was HARD work!). BUT that didn’t give me the right to treat my husband as nothing more than a servant to be at my beck and call 24/7! That’s not how a relationship works! 🙄
