Podcast: open.spotify.c... Patreon: / rslash Discord: / discord 0:00 Intro 0:10 Bully 4:18 Left without my wife 11:43 Terrible siblings "Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0
Story 3: If you adopt someone, you have to love them no matter what. If you can't look at an adopted daughter the same as you would a biological daughter, you aren't worthy to call yourself their parent. If you treat your adopted daughter worse than some cousin, then don't expect to be treated like family. All relationships go both ways - if you don't show love, don't expect to be shown love.
not type A but flying makes me so friggin anxious so I have to make sure im there like an hour or more early(and i mean like i get thru security and am sitting in the area for my flight for an hour or more) cause then i can taake that time to breathe and calm myself before ever boarding. The wife really does need a reality check.
From the perspective of a former airline employee, OP is very much in the right here. Yeah, sometimes it sucks to sit there at the boarding gate for a long time, but compare that to having to pay for a new plane ticket or wait on standby for the next flight. When the time comes, that door is closing with or without you, and it isn’t opening back up unless there is a serious problem(weather turns sour and the plane can’t take off for a long time, maintenance issue, medical Issue, that sort of thing) Much as many airline employees would like to help you, a good airline employee won’t do it because the higher ups are going to look at that rebooking and make the employee answer for why they didn’t charge the extra money. Could result in FAA fines too, so any employee who values their well being and not having a potentially high 5-figure fine isn’t going to budge
I love getting to the airport early. It’s far less stressful when you aren’t rushed, plus it’s great people watching. You can always find something to do - grab a drink or snack, browse whatever shops are nearby, or just get to the gate early, read a book or watch videos/play games on your phone. Besides, if you’re one of those people that just HAS to have Starbucks, you KNOW there is going to be a line, so just plan for it!
2nd story: intentional or not, wife is putting op in a position to choose between her & his daughter. Wife is selfish. She could've easily sacrificed her choice of coffee joints to ensure she caught the flight.
As rslash was reading I thought "does this woman hate her daughter? Cause it sounds like she doesn't want to see her" then it turned out she's the stepmom and everything makes sense. OP should go visit his daughter by himself, everyone would be happier
That still doesn’t explain why they’re so bent out of shape not being invited to OP’s wedding. They didn’t want her there, so why would they want to attend hers?? Either way I’m glad she got some kind of explanation (probably also a lie) and did what she and her fiancé wanted to do. F that family.
an interesting comment i found on the post was several people suggesting that the aunt/uncle prevented op 3 from going to the weddings due to the fact that other family probably would have told the truth about the lies the aunt, uncle, and cousins built ops life around. if that theory ends up being true then that makes the aunt and uncle even more cruel and demented
Highly unlikely since anyone talking about the weddings or showing pictures of the weddings would give it away. They just made it child free weddings to avoid having to invite her.
I feel really bad for OP in the last story. She was lied to and excluded over something she had no part in (if her parents are to be beleived). I hope her and her husband have long happy lives.
I don't even understand their logic! Its un sensible and also their terrible parents . Everyone(except op and her husband , god bless them) IS A HYPOCRITE
@QuietChaos1996 Honey, noooo. You don't need to be correcting people's spellings on the internet. Both were very likely a typo and the 'rule' you quoted has a good, ten common contradictions. It doesn't add to the conversation or help much beyond pointing out a (likely unintentional) mistake.
@@co.b.2334 I'm not correcting. I'm pointing out the mistakes so they can edit their comments. Don't call me "hun" because it pisses me off since I don't know you. I know there's contradictions to that rule, but "believe" follows that rule."
Second Story: OP's wife didn't even seem to be remorseful about disappointing her daughter. Unless there's a neurological cause, "food issues" and "lateness issues" are *_control issues._* Whatever she's mad at, it's coming out sideways. It's passive aggressive, and the two of them need to go into counseling to get down to the source of whatever the hell it is that is making her angry.
You've hit the nail on the head. I have always been slow with everything I do, since I was a baby. It sucks, even when I try nothing happens quickly and people around me get frustrated. My mil is the same way...or so I thought. Turns out that she's only late when she wants to be and has no problem being on time or early when it's something she wants to do. Her wedding? Was early Seeing her grandchild alone? Shows up early. Seeing her grand child with the whole family? Is OVER AN HOUR LATE.
*3rd Story:* OP should definitely demand her birth certificate (and get a lawyer if they refuse). What did the 'parents' expect would happen when they decided to treat OP poorly and _not tell her that she was adopted until she was an adult_ and called out her 'siblings' godawful past mistreatment?
If I had been OP, I would have said "Okay, you aren't my siblings- so you aren't my parents either. I guess I'm an orphan now. I am blocking all of you. If you ever try to contact me, I'm suing for harassment. Goodbye."
First Story: I can’t stand bullying and the lack of punishment a bully gets for bullying. OP's wife is mad at OP for no reason because clearly the "kill them with kindness" approach isn’t working. I’m not this kid's father but I’m proud of him for standing up to this terrible kid. Crazy how the parents want to sue but all OP's son did was defend himself Update: A well deserved reward and a well deserved confidence boost. Second Story, NTA: I think Meg is intentionally doing this, especially with the added information that she and Jess don't have the best relationship. It would be a different story if this was like the first time, but this is the third time OP and Meg missed the flight because of Meg's lack of time management. Update: I am glad OP and Meg came to a reasonable compromise, but I still think she is intentionally delaying the flights just so they can miss visiting Jess Third Story, NTA: This is intentional and they clearly just wanted to exclude OP. I get at ages 10 and 12 but when OP said that her sister made the cut off at 16 while OP was 15 really made me think that they all were intentionally excluding OP. I find their claims of wanting to have a good impression on the kids to be bs considering OP's sister's age cut off and the step-cousin just turning 18 to be able to attend the last wedding OP got excluded out of. They have the audacity to expect to be included in OP's wedding when they excluded OP out of theirs. OP's parents (especially her mom) is pissing me off; the irony of her saying she wanted all of her kids to attend this "beautiful wedding" yet OP was excluded out of all of her siblings' weddings and got punished for getting upset about it. The blatant favoritism is insane with this story Update: So they intentionally excluded OP because they weren't all blood siblings? Wow that makes them a lot worse. The parents really have the nerve to get upset because there was no celebration, these people need to realize that this isn't about them its about OP and her now husband Buddyburrows, get a life bro. You don’t like the comment I make? DO NOT LOOK FOR THEM like bro, you replying crying about it won’t stop me from commenting how I want
Story one: I hate that this issue could’ve been possibly resolved sooner if OP could’ve gotten his wife on the same page as him. However I’m glad the son did what he did and is enjoying his new found confidence. May he never lose it. I hope the bully and the parents learned a lesson. OP and wife could’ve easily taken the issue with reporters. A sweet boy on the spectrum and diagnosed with ADHD constantly bullied whilst the school does nothing. Second story: myself and most others agree that Meg is deliberately sabotaging OP. It only sounded like she does this when if comes to seeing Jess. At least now her plan won’t work and now OP is on guard
Story 3: I have a really good feeling that OP’s siblings hate OP’s guts and that’s why they didn’t want OP at their wedding at all just so they don’t have to deal with OP
When the story originally went up, comments pointed out that the cutoff age rose with every wedding. First, an indeterminate 'no kids,' then one sibling getting strong armed into a child free wedding with a cutoff age of 16 (which, again, shines light on the alcohol excuse being nonsense), then a cutoff of 18 in which a cousin close in age to OP makes the cut. The goalposts were consistently shifted to exclude OP.
an interesting alternative theory i found posted by several commenters was that the reason the aunt and uncle refused to let op attend the weddings is because of the fact that they wanted to ensure that the aunt, uncle and cousins didn't want other family to reveal op the truth about her true parentage and saw keeping her out of the weddings as a way to ensure op continued living the lie that was her life that they built around her
@@thegameplayer125 That would suggest that the group never went to family functions with grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc; the news could have been delivered anytime that OP wasn't right next to an immediate family member. Too many opportunities for this to be the reason. I'm leaning more to the theory of her being the father's affair baby.
And they still have the gall to blame OP for their deliberate isolation. None of this was her fault! Maybe this is the time for OP to go low contact with them and enjoy her new family! Maybe she can research and find out about her bio mom’s family?
And then, let's demand that she treat us like siblings when she gets married because *family* !! I predict OP goes no contact in the not too distant future.
Story 1: NTA. This is the oh-so classic case of "school ignoring bullies" BS. OP'S Son was pushed too far and he simply retailated and fought back. I don't understand why the wife is mad, as clearly, the "killing them with kindness" approach clearly didn't work for their son. Does she WANT her son to be miserable? I'd be rewarding my own son for standing up for himself. Good on OP for siding with his son, that's what a good father would do. I am a bullied victim myself, and I have zero sympathy for bullies. None, zilch.
As a fellow victim of bullying, I can assure you that the “kill them with kindness” bullshit never works. That approach only works in TV shows. People need to stop discouraging kids from fighting back.
@@mask938 and moreover, schools need to stop punishing both people when they've do fight when they, the school, sat and did nothing. Parents need to be more litigious with stuff like this. The schools turn a blind eye and then suddenly care when they get physical and want to punish the victim too? Fuck no.
Some people stick to their principles even when it stops being a good idea. The wife would probably say something like "You're encouraging our son to solve his problems with violence. Violence is NEVER the answer" That, and this is just conjecture on my part, but I think on some deeper level it's a matter of "civility" to people, why they don't like the idea of everybody hitting each other or "being mean" they want kids and other people to be "better" than that, like "We don't need violence to solve our problems, we're not _animals_ " Me, I personally am of the school of thought that "If the system/parents/school/authority involved isn't doing anything or enough to fix it, they have no right to complain when those involved do something to stop it themselves" Problems are going to be stopped, one way or another, and people need to accept that fact. Life isn't a movie, where the "good" option _always_ works, and if no one did something to _make_ the bully stop, say, putting a firm penalty on him if he ever does anything and has someone assigned to monitor the children, or something similar that would actually _stop_ the bullying, or even just try to talk the bully out of it (as much as that might not work), then I'd rather the kid hit back in defense of himself then be bullied any further.
She's a woman, that's why she's mad. I went through the same kind of bullying for years in highschool, alllll of the adult women in my immediate surroundings, teachers, the school cop, and family members, they ALL told me that I'm not supposed to fight back, told me that I have to take the bullying with grace, told me that violence is never the answer and that I'm way worse than the bullies for even thinking of punching any of them over what they were doing to me, and told me that "rEaL mEn dOn'T fIgHt, rEaL mEn rUn aWaY". Men fighting scares women for some reason, and women often try to stop men from fighting at all costs, even though women often swear the like when men act with chivalry like that.
Last story: turns out OP isn't a sibling, she's a cousin. The entire family felt it was "awkward" to include her as a guest to the weddings. But now... NOW... they feel hurt when unincluded from OP's wedding! What? What's wrong with this picture? This just drools hypocrisy! Kudos to the family for taking in OP when she was much younger, regardless of the circumstances, but WOW they made a mess of this as she grew up-- they REALLY messed up her mind and emotions, and NOW they want INCLUSION in her day? Are these people insane?
The first story is a shining example of why if I ever have kids whatever school they end up going to I’ll be telling the administrators “if my child is getting bullied and you do nothing after I make an appearance to resolve it. My child will resolve it, and face no consequence (at least not from me)”
Story 1: Violence is not the answer until everything else fails. The parents of the bully are the type of people to never care about a problem until they or their kid is affected. They are hypocrites The easy test is to just toss their words back. If they get upset, they're hypocrites
The school too. You hear it all too often these days. School ignores bullying until a kid stands up to the bully, but then the kid gets in trouble instead of the bully.
@@fnjesusfreakMine too. It happened a couple times with me, because I'm on the spectrum, though I didn't know it at the time, and had a short fuse due to it. Granted, I wasn't the only one getting in trouble, but I still shouldn't have gotten in trouble at all.
Story 1: I would be begging, BEGGING them to try and sue. Go to court with documents of the bullying from the school, witness statements from classmates (I bet the bully bullies others too) about what happened, about the childs disability and how kind and loving he is and how the bully just finally made him defend himself. Perhaps even countersue for the emotional damage its caused your son, pain and suffering, how the boy was always worried about going to school due to it etc and how that money could help him in the future to no longer fear school (long shot but might as well try eh) and can be used for therapy to help his self image, something that bully has crippled. Who will a judge/decision maker side with, the bully who bullies the weak, kind and disabled... or a disabled child that once and only once, defended himself.
I agree. There's no way a court would not side with the bully in this because the bully has actual medical documentation that something happened. The judge might give the parents a slap on the wrist about raising a bully but the verdict would definitely be for the bullies family.
@@undrhil You guys do know schools keep written records of complaints about bullying, especially of disabled children... right? also, self defence is a completely valid legal argument, if you argue that the action is taken to protect yourself (long term records of being abused along with direct evidence it was happening prior to the punch), the court would take that in consideration too. It would seem OPs son used a direct and appropriate level of force, OP suggests that it was a single punch and that his son didnt jump on top of and pummel the bully over and over again. Courts are not dumb, they dont just go "well 1 side has actual wounds, so they are automatically going to win", they understand they have to look at context lol. Also, as it happened in school, its unlikely OP would be the 1 who in the end has to pay out, it would more likely be the school as they are the ones that are supposed to maintain order and safety at the school, which they failed to do.
@@mitchverr9330 did I miss a part in the story where they said the child was disabled? I know the bully called him names but that doesn't mean the child is actually disabled..
Story 3: Wow, they hate OP and, in hindsight, did a pecking awful job at hiding it. Like, what were they expecting? OP to just…let them walk all over her? And I bet you that the reason why they hid it is because OP would have a more justified reason to complain and it would make the family look terrible, and we all know how terrible people can't handle being called terrible
Exactly, ironic how the easiest way to not be terrible people and not be called terrible is by *GASP* not being terrible!! Ohh wait, that’s too smart for them.
Explains why for the one wedding, allowing her in means they would have to allow all the kids. Because EVERYONE else in the extended family knew she wasn't really their kid.
The one thing I can't make sense of is, if they hate her for basically just existing, then why do they even want to go to her wedding? I feel like there's a lot more they're keeping from her and/or the "you're actually our cousin" bit is just another lie
Why are terrible people all so fucking delusional? Why can't they just accept how awful they are and revel in their evil behavior? They're all so fucking pathetic
The way the OP in the last story drops that family bombshell and then immediately brushes it off has me scratching my head. "So it turns out my parents aren't my parents and my siblings are my cousins. Anyway..."
Story 2: I travel with my sibling a lot and they are a type A just like OP, they want to plan everything, be super organised and make it the airport with plenty of time to spare. What do I do in response? literally everything they tell me to do. If they take on the burden of planning an entire trip for the both of us then I have no problem making sure what they planned works out perfectly. I don't wonder off or demand coffee on the otherside of the airport when the plane is about to board. It's basic manners
The family in the last story makes no sense to me. So the parents didn’t think to maybe do something about their older kid’s attitude towards Op, they let these grown adults pick on her for decades. Make it make sense. Also why do they even want to come to OP’s wedding when they don’t like her. The audacity of that family.
OP’s not there “real” daughter so they were fine placing the other kids wants and needs above her. Honestly wouldn’t be surprised if them wanting to go the the wedding was solely for appearance and “look how much the pore child we took in loves us”
The parents probably quietly resented/hated OP as well for not being their biological child and were likely planning to at some point start pulling the “we took you in, so you owe us” bs. Sounds like it was already being implied when they got pissed at OP for not inviting her siblings despite the siblings not inviting her and hating her for existing. OP definitely needs to cut contact with all of them as soon as possible and be prepared for the parents to start demanding money, medical care, whatever else they might demand as “payment” for them choosing to take her in.
2nd story: this wife is bothering me a lot. When I missed a plane I was EXTREMELY pissed off at myself, so much that I’ve changed everything on how I prepare for plane rides. The fact that she can just “Miss her flight” twice is infuriating and it’s keeping everyone else waiting on her for a bit too.
First story: My dad and mom always told me throughout school that if some kid tried messing with me to "knock them on their a**". My dad even taught me some techniques and weak spots (he moved around a lot as a kid and got into quite a lot of fights). Nothing ever did come to pass, but I'm a firm believer in self defense. Good on OP here, and congrats to the kid!
2nd story: I read this one online and it was very obvious that the OP's wife does not like Jess. Why else would the wife keep sabotaging every attempt to go visit her? 3rd story: I remember this one too, but I did not see the update so wow! What a way to find out you're an adopted cousin and to find out your siblings hated you. Glad she still excluded everyone from her wedding.
Story 1: as a victim of bullying who tried the kill with kindness strategy. It rarely works. Honestly if I have a kid and they get bullied, I’m just gonna say “listen. Kindness maybe important, but if they don’t treat you with kindness, don’t treat them with kindness.” What’s goes around comes around. Honestly the parents of the bully sound neglectful for never even taking the bullying seriously
If I ever have kids, I would first gather a weeks worth of evidence of the school and parents doing nothing about it, then tell my kid "give the bully a reason to fear you" Then when the school gets upset, I'll provide the evidence informing them "if any disciplinary action is taken against my kid, I'll be providing this proof to the press telling them the school condones bullying" Then when the parent flips out I'll say "I warned you, here's the proof that you didn't care, we can go to court if you wish, but you will lose"
The last story about op who wasn't invited to family weddings is that op and her husband needs to cut ties with her family and extended family since they were bullying her for no good reason
First story, it is A B S O L U T E L Y never wrong to defend yourself when physically attacked, and anyone that would have you think otherwise is an abuser or an enabler. There is no reason any human being should have to endure being shoved to the ground and beaten up near daily in what is supposed to be a safe, supportive environment.
While bacchus tells us "exchange wine and words to seal your friendship",when words fall of deaf ears, i feel showing stength and defending yourself is very necessary.
I'm calling step-mom doing it INTENTIONALLY. She's made it clear that she's trying to force her husband to choose HER over his own daughter. I honestly think she missed BOTH flights on purpose.
1st story; I had the same situation happen with my oldest son. Long story short. Wrestling bully picked on everybody, I trained my son. He’s equivalent to a green belt in MCMAP/ Marine Corps fighting techniques. He destroyed that wrestler. 😂😂
He did stop the threat. All 5 of my sons were trained the same way. I explained to them, it’s for self defense. If I caught them fighting without a good reason I would be disappointed in them and never teach them anything else. My sons are great boys and I’m proud of them.
Marine Corps fighting techniques? You made your sons into certified badasses, but just incase if the bullies try to retaliate, you should teach them how to disarm enemies with knifes if you haven't already
Story 1: Good for that dad. As a former bullying victim myself, sometimes this is necessary. OP's kid hit the bully once in a place that would hurt a lot but not generally do a lot of damage (broken noses are painful, but not exactly life-threatening typically). Hopefully, the bully learned.
Teacher here for story 1: I'm first of all super angry that the school didn't do anything about the bullying. Considering that the parents went to the school... either OP can sue the school for not keeping notes and records of the bullying, or he can go directly and use the notes the school kept from the bullying and use that as a counter case. If I was a teacher and I witnessed that nose-break, I'd have reported it as self-defense.
Story 1: Classic tale of "OP/OP''s child gets bullied and nothing happens UNTIL the victim strikes back then everyone loses the shit." Congrats on standing up for yourself OP's son !
Always!!! I told my kids to make sure to exhaust all of their options, tell me, teachers and to make noise when being being bullied, I would make sure to talk to everyone as well. After that, if nothing happens, I would give them the go ahead. Thank God this hasn’t been the case.
First story there *should* be cameras everywhere so even if the parents of the bully did try to sue, OP can ask for the footage showing the bully doing bully things for God knows how long. The parents could argue all they want but proof is proof. On top of that, OP and his son tried every other option, talked with everyone they could, and nothing happened so the *school* would be in trouble for letting things escalate to this point. Third story, it was already really bad with how they were treating OP but then it turned into like 5/5 for the whole damn family. OP is better off without them and I'm willing to put down $5 that the 'parents' start pulling the 'We took you in, you owe us' card real soon.
@@johanhalvarsson2148 What kind of third world country do you think have the budget for putting cameras all over the school? Rather, they don't even have the budget to buy proper desks and seats for the kids, so wtf are you even on about?
Story 1. The only way to get a bully to stop is to fight back. Story 2. Evil stepmother is doing that on purpose and she's just a jerk. Story 3. I'm calling bull on what the parents told her. They know exactly who the mother was and I think that's why they hate OP. What a horrible 'family'.
No way they can get away with we do no know who the mother is. All they have to do is get a copy of the birth certificate. They may not "know" the mother, or they may not know where she is, but not knowing who is total BS
Like we taught our daughter, "It takes two to make peace, but only one to make war." Even the UN Charter recognizes the right to individual and collective self-defense.
I was bullied at school (I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism yet) and I tried everything except fighting back. I tried ignoring them, killing with kindness, telling the teachers, nothing worked. I should have switched schools but I didn’t want to create problems for my parents. I hate this whole narrative of how bullies are also victims. I don’t give a shit that my bullies came from broken families, they tormented me to the point where I wanted to end my life and I wasn’t even ten years old. So to anyone getting bullied, just fight back. Don’t trust the adults to fix it for you. Just fight back and try to paint yourself as someone not to be messed with. You’ll be better for it. Maybe try to avoid breaking any bones though!
I was lucky, I guess. My dad was very clear about fighting back if someone messed with me, so any time I got in trouble for beating up my bullies, neither of my parents so much as batted an eye. Just said, welp. Did what you had to do and that was that
@@ferzinhaN My suspicion is the thought process is something like "Well, the bully has already descended to acting like a savage, it only makes everything worse if the victim does it too. We aren't a bunch of animals spitting and clawing and punching each other, so the victim shouldn't fight back, they should be better than that" It's a sort of twisted pride in being more "humane" if you ask me that motivates that thinking. They think we should just not use violence because it's "savage" behavior. Humans are "above" that.
@@balanc-joy9187 It's really just because if the victims shut up and take the bullshit, then the school doesn't have to do anything, they can just ignore it happening. If someone fights back, suddenly they have to actually do something about what's going on, which includes having to deal with the bully's parents, who are probably bullies themselves. It has nothing to do with "oh people shouldn't behave like that", because if it was...they'd do something about the bullying. School administrations are just notoriously incompetent.
parents telling your kids to be nice to their bullies doesn’t work, telling them to just laugh it off won’t work, bullies are doing this because they think their victim won’t fight back teach your kid to fight back
I had to reread the ages in the second post because listening to how the wife behaves I thought OP married a child. But then I got to the part where it’s revealed that Meg’s not the bio mom and she and Jess don’t have a good relationship and now it made sense. She _is_ sabotaging OP’s bonding time with his daughter and it’s pathetic how OP had to step on eggshells to further accommodate Meg.
Back when my fiance was in 7th grade they had some kid bullying them. Their mom, too, tried everything. Nothing worked. Finally my fiance had had enough and punched the bully in the throat! When their mom was called to the school about the punch, the first thing their mom had to say about it was "How much taller is this bully compared to my kid that the punch hit him in the throat and not the face?!" That...pretty much shut up the entire room. She went off on them about how ridiculous the rest of the situation was, but I think it was a bit of a wake-up call that her her kid was being bullied by somebody SO MUCH BIGGER than them.
Story 1: When it comes to bullying, at first I was worried, thinking about how if the kids responds with violence all the time he will have trouble in the future. But listening to full story and realizing just how long he endured and how many different things he tried, this was the right thing. He tried the recommended route, he tried “nice” route. This isn’t “violence”, it’s defense. He’s a good kid who considers others and he deserves to have his own bodily autonomy and he can defend it. (I was only concerned because when I was a child I had some reactive violent tendencies that luckily we got under control before they ever became an issue)
Story 1: as someone who was bullied relentlessly and tried every non violent means to stop it, not a day goes by that I wish I’d give him what he gave me.
Oh my God. My son was bullied awful. The school didn't do anything He got a growth spurt and was still bullied. When he moved to middle school, every bully tried to prove themselves by bullying my son. The moment they touched him he slammed his huge fist right through their face. After three boys, not only wasn't he bullied, but also earned the respect of his peers and the fear of other bullies.
Story 1: I actually had to skip this one as soon as I heard the school did jackshit because that was a little too close to home; I was tormented in high school for being the only girl in my engineering class, and it took threats of...let's just say doing something extreme to myself before they realized that maybe, just maybe, "Woman up and deal with it" wasn't the correct response. I hope the kid didn't get in trouble for fighting back (which I'm guessing is what happened based on the title), but that's probably hoping too much. Schools would rather be perceived as 100% bully free than take steps to actually be 90% bully free (you're never gonna be 100% bully free because kids are dicks, but you should still try to genuinely get as close as possible). Story 2: They say to never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity, but I feel like if it was purely stupidity, she'd at least be apologetic and try to take steps to overcome it. Given that she didn't react to the idea of you and Jess having alone time, I feel like there's some underlying issue that's making her not really want to spend time with her stepdaughter. But if it was just that, then why did she throw a fit at you leaving her behind? Wouldn't she just be like "Sorry I missed the fight, have fun!" instead of sulking? So much is wrong with this. I don't want to jump to divorce, but I want to suggest they at least get couple's therapy to try and get at the root at what's happening. However you slice it, she is disrespecting OP's time and that is never a good look. Story 3: What. The F***. On the surface this was an immediate NTA for reasons you stated several times; It's OP and her Fiance's wedding, so it's their choice who to invite, full stop. If OP doesn't want her siblings there, that's entirely her right. But the update makes this a whole new level of bad. As an adopted child myself, I believe that OP should have been told this fact _years_ ago; I was told when I was around 12 and even I think that was a little late. (And my situation was basically the reverse of OP's; the one I thought was my cousin for years was actually my sibling, and my "aunt" was actually my biological mother.) Also, the fact that they just sat back while OP got mistreated by her cousins/siblings/whatever it doesn't matter, and punished her when she got rightfully angry about this, tells me that this is just the tip of the iceberg and OP has always been the scapegoated child; she just never noticed it because it's been normalized her whole life.
Not this family, but I think in some cases a reluctance to tell children they are adopted is due to a cultural lack of acknowledgment that chosen family is just as strong or stronger than blood family. I hope as society starts to acknowledge that, adoption won’t be seen as weird/saintly/other but just another family. Then parents won’t feel they are othering their adopted child when they tell them and the child will be told sooner (studies show this is healthier in the long run). The idea that only blood makes family is old and too simplistic to fully encapsulate the human experience. Tl;dr: sorry for the rant, but I agree, children have a right to the truth and to know that they can trust their parents. The fact the parents lied to her all these years and apparently didn’t even defend her, just makes it even sadder.
The story about op who had to board the plane without his wife is that he needs to divorce her because she was doing everything she can to make them miserable and to miss their flight since she is a pain in the butt
Nowadays even if the victim doesn't fight back, the schools have "zero tolerance" policies where both the bully and the victim get the same punishment. Yes, you read that right.
Story 1: People need to stop with the BS advice when it comes to bullying. The only thing that works is standing up to the bully. Yea, violence is bad, the poor bully has problems that make him do that, yadda yadda but someone is always on the other end of it and they matter, too. If you're not the one start shit, sometimes hitting back is the only answer. I have never heard of a case where a bully stopped after the victim ignored him or anything like that. I have heard of many cases where the bully stopped or at least left this victim alone after getting popped in the mouth.
Last story: could be in England or somewhere else where the drinking age is 18. Ridiculous though that they didn’t include their sibling anyway. Stupid decision and it’s their fault they weren’t invited in the first place. And then that update of being a cousin! Wow.
3:28 dude....if they sue, theyre kid would be in jail faster than you can blink. And the judge would throw out the lawsuit all because of his mental health
I am completely ... on board ... with OP. Nothing makes me crazier than going with the flow when time is absolutely critical, as it is with any conveyance that moves people from one place to another. Tough luck for the wife. P.S As soon as you said Jess was OP's wife's stepdaughter, ding, ding, ding ...
For the first story, Op did the right thing by rewarding his son. This was their only option. The parents don't have a legal leg to stand on. With a long, documented history of bullying, the son had every right to defend himself. I can understand child free weddings to a point, but that shouldn't include the bride or grooms siblings. It's stupid and hurtful. Especially since it turns out that they were hurting her on purpose for not being their blood sibling.
I can understand “child”-free weddings but I always thought that was kids in the single digits, due to safety/disturbances. Usually once a kid reaches 10 they are able to behave and entertain themselves. Especially if they are your “sibling”. The fact that they wanted to keep saying “child” free when she was 15 and 17 is insulting. But I guess their wedding their rules, they just need to know that applies to other peoples weddings as well. (I like the idea of a child free wedding as well myself, but a child is < 10 imo)
I can relate to the first story as my baby brother has autism and since he entered middle school he was getting bullied by a small group of classmates. Sure he mainly has other classmates and friends that defend him but not all the time, the bullies were both verbal and physical (like throwing trash on my brother and pushing him down). My parents talked to the school and parents and they did try to help by moving the bullies as far away from my brother and giving them detention, but it seem to amp up the bullying. My brother often came home in tears and while the teachers do help him and punished the bullies, they kept bothering him. The bullies would go out of their way to harass him and throw stuff at him, the most I remembered was during a science experiment and two of the bullies throw chemicals on him which made my brother burst into tears (luckily the chemicals were safe but ruined his shirt and the teacher severely punished the bullies but apparently they didn’t care and laugh it off). This was the final straw and my mom had me sign my brother up to tae kwon do classes so he can beat up the bullies (my mom is stand up and beat your bullies to prove you’re not a easy victim while my dad is just ignore them and put up with it and absolutely no violence), at first he was unsure as my brother hated violence and is a pacifist but the more he went and with encouragement from us , his tae kwon do teachers and classmates, he begin to be more confident. Now he loves it and is great, the classes really helped him build self confidence and self control. Not to mention he made new friends during the classes. Now when the bullies pick on him, he just shrugs it off since he knows if it got physical he can protect himself. It even happened one time when one of the bullies try to push him down to kick him and my brother punch him in the stomach making the bully fall over and cry. The teachers left my brother off with a warning since my brother is a very kind and helpful person while the bully got detention again. Even his parents laughed it off saying he deserves it and hope this time he knows better since he wasn’t listening to them. Since then the bullies don’t bother my brother as much and just say something mean but it’s no longer physical, and my brother just rolls off the mean words.
A mother I know quit her job because she spent so much time at her child's school addressing bullying and harassment. The school's response was that the bully was a known problem and the other students just have to deal with it. Her child fought back and was expelled. The mother took it to the state board of education and had the expulsion reversed and her child transferred to another school. Parents would stop me at the grocery store to ask if my child had problems at that same school. It was a common problem. The FBI issued a report on school shootings. My takeaway was schools not addressing bullying was part of the problem.
Zero tolerance for bullies. I tell my kid that bullies act that way because something is wrong at home. A friend of his was being unkind and he told him "Your mom must be really mean" which was awkward because I'm friends with his mom 😂🙃 But if anyone lays hands on my kid, I don't care what home trauma he has. My kid has permission to hit until the other kid cries.
First story. My son is also HF autistic. ADHD too. He was horribly bullied by 4 boys in high school. We had a whole school meeting and all. Weren’t allowed to know what happened. Been about 6 years later. All 4 of them are in prison for burglary and or attempted murder.
I was in the same situation as the first OP’s son for years. I was autistic, my school didn’t care, I was an easy scare, and nothing my parents tried to do helped. It got to the point where one day some girls grabbed me by the arms- twice- and I had a mental breakdown and had to stay with the school’s “special group” for the rest of the day. The school called my mom and she was livid and we had a meeting with the principal a few days later.
Story 1- I was never told kill them with kindness, the first lesson my dad taught me was "you don't start it, but you better finish it" your son finished it OP, definitely stay proud 😎
Story 1: NTA. As someone who also has ADHD and Autism, making friends is definitely hard and bullying makes it so much miserable to be at school. My bullies actually had to stop physically bullying me because my sensory issues mistook shoving as something fun and I’d want to share the fun by shoving back. OP is a good parent and did the same type of things my own folks did: talk to the bullies’ parents, talk to the school, advocate for me, etc. What OP could have done when faced with inaction from his son’s school and threaten legal action, even a hollow threat like that can prompt a school to get off their ass. And if the school called out the fib, there’s plenty of lawyers that can work with low income or even pro bono (free).
Bullying in school always infuriates me as a victim once myself. It not only leaves a scar mentally and emotionally on the victim, but when the teachers either ignore it, or put "Zero Tolerance" rules in place when the victim finally defends themselves, they get punished too. If you ignore it, they won't get the help they need. If you tell them to ignore it, a lot of people, and in my experience ND victims, will not be able to ignore it, because it cuts to their core in some form. If you utilise "Zero Tolerance" and punish the victim for defending themselves, they'll learn either to bottle it up or lose trust in the adults who are legally required to care for them. I'm really glad the son defended himself. I never had the guts to, and I'm still suffering because of it. Bullying needs to be taken seriously, and self-defence shouldn't be punishable in school.
With the first story I can relate very well. In school I was bullied terribly, even having some of the incidents being published in the local news paper. Name calling, teasing, tripping, or just straight up beating were normal for me in school. Everytime I stood up for myself I was punished and never felt pride in protecting myself. So to op and his son I'm proud of them and I hope so never makes his son feel bad for defending himself.
I’ve…I've honestly never understood why schools act like this?! And the Mother is angry?! I’d be telling her that we need counseling, if she still refuses to understand, then I’d float the idea of divorce, and screw that other family! It’s all in self defense 😡
I've been in that bullying situation myself. I'm Autistic with Aspergers and ADHD (Aspergers wasn't diagnosed until after I graduated in 2004), but I had been bullied by a group of boys in a public high school. No matter what me and my parents did, NOTHING was done about it: Neither the teachers NOR the principal did JACK SQUAT to help me! But when *I* defended myself in high school, I got into TROUBLE for that! Suspended for a couple days for DEFENDING myself against the BULLIES! *THIS IS WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO STEP IN AND STOP THE BULLYING CRAP WHEN YOU'RE A TEACHER OR PRINCIPAL, OR WORKING IN THE SCHOOL FIELD!* And let's face reality here: It's the TEACHERS and PRINCIPALS that are the case for HALF of the students falling into depression, suffering from PTSD, anxiety, low self esteem, serious mental and emotional abuse and WORST of all: SELF HARM AND SUICIDE! If these so called "School professionals" continue to BLATANTLY IGNORE the victims of BULLYING, which is a form of ABUSE AND HATE CRIME, then not ONLY are the "Professionals" going to be facing consequences by the other parents, but so will the ENTIRE SCHOOL! I HOPE the school that OP's son goes to FINALLY wakes up, sees WHAT'S going on and gets their @$$3$ in gear and does SOMETHING about the bullying situation! The schools are SUPPOSED to enforce the "No Bullying" rules, because it's a SAFE SPACE for kids and teens to go and learn, NOT BE ATTACKED BECAUSE THEY'RE DIFFERENT! And also, I HOPE that bully's parents gets TORN DOWN by their families for raising a little thug and NOT taking responsibilities for their upbringing! SERIOUSLY, parents like THAT *SHOULD* be humiliated and shamed for raising and enabling a bully! As for me though, I'm doing great! My Mom knew that I was defending myself against the bullies and is proud that I wasn't taking any crap from @$$holes like them! (Side note, I made a post on a RU-vid video about bully problems about what I had to endure back then. I got a comment from some prick saying "Well you were probably TROUBLE in that school!". First off, I was a VICTIM of bullying, NOT the bully. Second, I was DEFENDING myself against a group of bullies, being the ONLY ONE. Third, NOBODY stepped in to help me except my Mom and ONE teacher. (Not much sadly, for an unknown reason.) So to the Prick who made that comment and labeled me as a "Troublemaker" WITHOUT knowing me... I hope you don't come across a person online who labeled you as "Trouble" or something because you posted an innocent comment. Because what you did was rude and disrespectful.)
Story 1: I was in the exact same situation when I was in high school. My parents tried emailing the school, having meetings, etc. But nothing changed. Eventually my dad said to me "next time you're bullied, shout three warnings for them to stop, if they dont, punch them in the face". I was a large girl so that's exactly what I did. I screamed those warnings loud enough for everyone to hear and when one of my bullies kept throwing rocks at me I punched her square in the nose. Her parents tried to sue, the school wanted to suspend me, blah blah blah. My dad just walked in, put down the massive stack of emails he had written trying to get the school to stop the bullying, and said "do you really want to escalate this". Unsurprisingly, everything was dropped and I wasn't bullied again. I am a marshmallow through and through but sometimes unfortunately violence is the only answer
Shes one of those "We get there when we get there" kind of people. Yes. But ONLY when other people have to pay the price for it. If someone cant enjoy something without explicitly harming others or letting them down despite agreement of the "goal" then theyre narcissists. Youre not being cheated waiting 45 minutes. Youre jusy relaxing. You dont have to "do" something every waking moment. Or else, why sleep in?
When I was young my mother always told my brothers and I not to start fights, but she would never blame us for defending ourselves. Unfortunately I was often the target of bullies so I ended up in many fights and was suspended many times because of that, but my mother always went to bat for me trying to lessen the punishment because I was just defending myself
First Story: My mom always told me growing up that if someone puts their hands on you, you have full permission to defend yourself. I don’t understand why some parents raise their kids to “be the bigger person” or “ignore the problematic person”, that always makes them more of a target. The bully will keep pushing harder and harder to see just how much they can get away with.
I'm autistic too and I really can relate to the first story. I was bullied into suicidal thoughts and anxiety for several years. My parents didn't care, the teachers didn't help me and the thought of changing the school did not even appear to me, since I thought this hell was normal. Now I'm 29 and still live with panic attacks, depression and anxiety around all humans. Bullying pretty much ruined my life. It should ALWAYS be taken seriously. And I wish I fought back.
As someone who has Autism and Adhd, and who was so traumatized by both teachers and kids to the point i can barely remember my childhood, this hit me HARD
I was bullied extensively in middle school for very similar reasons as the kid in the story (ADHD and ASD, although the ASD went undiagnosed until I was 17). Unfortunately for me, the way I was bullied was the way teenage girls in the South do it. Very subtle, nasty behavior that wasn’t overt enough for the teachers not to tell me to give them the benefit of the doubt. After years of that crap and teachers doing nothing, I punched one of my bullies in gym class and got a 2 day suspension. It has not affected my permanent record or anything like that. My parents weren’t proud of me, but my mom said she wasn’t mad at me or even disappointed in me. The bully punched me back so she got suspended too, and when she came back from the suspension, she got caught with weed and got suspended again (or maybe expelled)
Wanted to point out in that last story, they distanced themselves because OP is their cousin and since she isn't their sibling they didn't feel a need to invite her. Which makes the entitlement to her wedding invite 10x worse, wow.
I’m going to expand on that quote “I don’t condone violence” *as a first option* - none of us would be alive, no species on this planet would exist without having some mastery and understanding of violence. Now, especially in society, we should try not to use it, but I agree with RSlash here, when you’ve exhausted your diplomatic options, violence is always the last tool in the box. I forget who said it, I heard it somewhere in college: “he who says violence never solved anything is no student of history”
As someone who’s doc told that I have adhd and autism I’m proud of little dude..it’s hard for us to really make friends and easy for us to be bullied. I’m glad he stood up for himself
First story: something similar happened to my brother. He's also autistic (and we believe I am too). The bullying he was enduring wasn't so bad - he and I watch a lot of American tv and have slightly more "Americanised" accents compared to our peers (for context, we're Scottish), so some kid in his class (both boys were about 13 or 14 at the time) kept teasing him about his accent. It wouldn't have bothered my brother if it was a one off, he probably would have just laughed it off, but this kid teased him about it all. the. time. One day, they were queuing outside their English classroom and the kid started teasing my brother again, and he SNAPPED. He had just had enough, and he turned around and punched the kid on the nose. Naturally, both boys were sent to the Headteacher's office and their parents called. When our parents and the other boy's parents arrived, something unexpected happened - the boy admitted that he'd been teasing my brother. He said he thought my brother was in on the joke, that they were both laughing about it, but he could see now that he was wrong; he took the blame for it, said he deserved what he got. My brother didn't end get in trouble, and I believe they left the room on friendlier terms; not to mention I believe everyone in that line who witnessed it ended up with a healthy respect for my brother, lol.
Something similar to the first story happened to my little brother. He was relentlessly bullied in middle school. Kids called him gay, r*traded etc. One kid pushed him off the stage and BROKE HIS COLLARBONE. No matter what, school and bullies parents didn't care. Finally my parents put my brother in Tae Kwon do, which he was a natural at. He beat the shit out of a bully during lunch and got suspended for 3 days, but he wasn't grounded and people stopped messing with him after that.
I give all the thanks to that dad in story 1 for giving his son that ultimatum to push him to finally stand up for himself. He learned an incredibly valuable lesson i wasn't able to. I was bullied by multiple people, and faculty protected them. Any time i tried to stand up, I'd get punished harder than them. I was once suspended for a week when i didnt even fight back. The aggressor got 3 days. All in the name of "zero tolerance." That kid will never let himself be brought down again. Good dad. Edit: My mother fought for me as best she could and got a lot of stuff removed from my record. We didn't have much money and couldn't move. Was nice when she made the bus driver cry.
Story one: this story sounds close to the incident my friend told me where a Bully got cold clocked in the face and suffered 2 black eyes a broken nose and a cut lip, the student was taken out because the bully cronies basically trashed the kid off school grounds, the bullies parents are going to due to stress of their “ baby “ his math teacher basically snapped after he laughed with his two buddies about wrecking the kid and how they plan to continue to retaliate, she told him off And he basically gave the equivalent of “what are you going to do about it “ c word “ And that’s how a junior had to repeat his year 3 times because she failed him and snuck in and failed his other classes , when he took his GED she was watching over him, ( she failed him 4 times on that lol ) after the parents had enough they were going to send him to military school On the day she was moving to another school she called him up and told him everything she’s done and how he deserved it He threatened her and she said “ good luck with that and enjoy military school “ and hung up , my friend lives close by to this teacher and heard police sirens This guy broke into her empty house then he broke into the house next door and assaulted the woman living there demand where the teacher went , hes in prison and my friend wonders if he ever regrets what he did to the student and neighbor Mini update: I asked my friend and the student was arrested for not only the assault but also for having a little black book of teachers addresses and basically a journal of people he bullied and R@ped ( 3 girls to whome hes threatened ) and had a unregistered firearm that even his parents didn’t know about
story 1: I was tormented for years, mid teens at the time.(Canada in the early 80's) My mother was always telling me to try harder, or start acting more normal/ more lady-like(WTF). Every day was h*ll. One day on the bus ride home after school; one of the "hockey jocks" was punching my knee while I was sitting. At first I tried to "ignore" him as my mother always said too. Then my lower leg started tingling, then my foot went numb. I had enough. I grabbed the back of the seat he was sitting in, the back of the seat in front of him, lifted myself off the floor and started going to town on him. He kept dodging, I kept telling him to hold the F still. (I didn't want to accidentally hit the 1st grader sitting in the seat next to him.) The bus driver had to pull over on the hy-way and pull me away from him. My leg was a mess for weeks from his punches. His parents had a tantrum and tried to have the police charge me with assault/expelled from school, just everything. The bus company tried to suspend me from the bus. My father read them all the riot act. I was never bothered by him or many of the others after that. My main tormentor kept it up until I literally left to live with my grandparents to get away from her. Schools rarely do anything to help the victim of these types of assault. It is always the target who is the real "trouble maker". Things have gotten slightly better in recent years, but it is still not great.
First story- as a survivor of school bullying (born with severe birth defect), I have to applaud OP. Defending your child in those circumstances is the correct thing to do. My only suggestion is to address the School District administration. Threaten them with a lawsuit, as they failed your son. Trust me, that will get you results
Story 1: This one resonated with me.. unfortunately it's pretty typical for schools to pretend to care then do nothing about it. My school was particularly infuriating though because we had something called a "Zero tolerance policy" which essentially meant even if you were the one getting your face punched in, were a witness to a fight or tried to help stop a fight, you'd get suspended for a week just as the one who started it would. Fights became so frequent and even kids who usually wouldn't retaliate started fighting back against their bullies because they figured if they were going to get suspended, they might as well go out trying to defend themselves instead of letting their bully give them a black eye and busted nose. Most of us pretended to not see anything and our principal became so frustrated that we refused to speak up about fights that she got mad and ranted to us until most of the student body (and some teachers) exploded in her face and told her off with how stupid and hypocritical the policy was. Safe to say she never got rid of the policy, but the least she did was stop suspending innocent people who just saw a fight break out. She made a mess of our school.. we went from the best in our region to the wrost in just 2 months..
Oh my god, I heard this story on Dad advocate and I was wondering if there was anything more to this story because she only gave the spark notes version of this. I am so happy that I finally get to see this in a video like a longer video
