Story 1: My blood started boiling hearing that the mom was using her daughter as a therapist. Speaking from experience, it messes your kid up. Good on OP for shutting that down.
Amen! No matter how rough things were after my son’s dad (my husband) died when my kid was a tween I made sure to never make him my replacement husband or my therapist. He’s my son and always will be. I needed to be his mom and fill in as best I could as his dad. My needs had to come second to his. I had a few dates but very few and never serious. Now he’s an independent adult and I can go back to being an old woman looking for some love and romance. Wish me luck. 😉
@@Lilybonit4 so sorry. I wanted to be a parent so badly and I had to wait so long that I swore I would do everything in as emotionally healthy a way with my kid as I could.
Regarding the turpentine story : it is actually sold in a gum form. I had a very bad persisting cough and the doctor I went to diagnosed as a bronchiolitis. The doc, which I later learned was a homeopath, prescribed those "eucalyptus gums" to ease the throat pain and "free the bronchial tubes". I didn't know what the actual composition was before I read the back of the box it came in. Results : my cough worsened, and it was actually asthma.
@@disguysnhomeopathy has zero uses. It operates on the false assumption that water has a "memory" and will mimic whatever it is mixed with and still be effective by removing said mixed chemicals. Naturopathy is more what you think can have its uses. Homeopathy is just expensive water. You get hydrated.
Homeopaths are not doctors, period. Report him for misrepresenting his 'profession'. In most modern first world countries, what he is dping is illigal.
@@ANPC-pi9vu Unfortunately, I live in France. We have a...special relationship with pseudo medicine. For example, psychoanalysis is still taught in universities as a mandatory course to become a psychologist.
1st story: I genuinely impressed by OP’s daughter. She’s wise beyond her age. What her mother did is beyond repair, and venting to your daughter about the consequences of your action? Really? You should never EVER make your kid your personal therapist. If OP’s ex-wife is really trying to mend things for the sake of their daughter, she should be the one to take the initiative to do a family therapy. And that took her 6 years to finally reached out to OP? Wth.
My mum used me as her therapist for several years when I became a teen. The shit that I've seen that my dad had sent her has really fucked me up. I agree, never use your kids as therapists.
Last story: at the preschool I work at we have an unspoken rule: “don’t tell the parents if their baby reaches an milestone like first step or first word.” It’s because some of our parents might already feel guilty that they spend so much time away from their child/children that being told they missed a major milestone might make them feel more guilty
I feel like that'd be a good thing to check in with the parents about. Personally, I'd love to hear that my kid did a milestone for the first time, even if I wasn't there to see it. Then again, firsts aren't as important to me as the moment when I realize that new skill has become NBD to my kid.
And, I might be reaching, she may be upset that she got caught, OP divorced her, OP likely doesn’t have to pay her alimony and other assets since there is proof of her infidelity, and now her life isn’t as great as it once was. Again I’m reaching, it sounds like she hoped to convince OP of her “remorse” so they stay together, get counseling, and she continues living her life as a cheater on OPs dime
No she actually regret her action. Not because it's wrong, but because she didn't realize there's an ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES for her action. She truly expect OP is kind of a cuck that can be treated badly and she'll be fine.
@@ReigoVassal She feels actual remorse because she was ostracized and shunned due to her actions. If I remember the other details correctly. She was kicked out the greater community because her friends were also stepping outside their relationships. In order to save their relationships they dropped her. The word spread throughout the community so new friends keep her away from their spouses. So, she’s feeling heavy repercussions beyond just the divorce. If all that wasn’t happening to her. Then she’d probably be belittling her ex and laughing about it with friends.
Yeah, I will never forget the face of an father of a girl in daycare. Another mother witnessed his daughters first steps and told him the second he came in. The daycare workers were horrorfied and I was so sad for him
While I was present for all of our eldest child's firsts, I was away at college when my son started crawling, so yeah, I knew I'd be missing a few things. Luckily his mom was able to witness it and I WAS there for his first steps. Her family DID decide to hold the baptism when I wasn't there, but that's just a religious thing so not too big a deal. Like Rslash said though, hopefully those parents don't watch his videos. Or they do and they're appreciative of OP for not saying anything.
@@SapphicTeen It depends, was it about things going bad in life in general, things going bad with work, or maybe coping with the death of a loved one etc.? Or was it about complaining about your mother and how her absence and the consequences of his cheating is affecting him? How miserable he is becuse of your mother leaving him. How he would like things to go back to what it was (as you likely also wish), how he is trying, how she isn't responding to any of his attempts, how she doesn't want the family to be happy and together anymore, how she should put in more effort, and if you could help bridge the gap to get her to see his reasons etc. There are different levels to the kind of baggage dumped on kids, and not all is that bad. Tho anything that involves the troubles between divoced mother and father can very easily turn into emotional manipulation tbh.
@@N0xiety er, no, it's about his depression and how he thinks he should k!// Himself, tho him saying that actually started when I was 11. He started talking about his childhood trauma, how my mom's apparently the worst person ever for kicking him out after he bought a gun and started threatening us back in 2020 He started telling me that only a couple months ago (I'm still 14 lol)
Ok story 1: Op did a good job raising his daughter the mom not so much. Story 2: WHO THE HELL GIVE THEIR KIDS TURPENTINE that's not a joke who really gives their kids turpentine that woman deserves to be in jail. Story 3: Good on Op for not telling them.
My mother tried to do this. I was 31. I nodded and smiled and never did it. I oil paint and there's no way I'm drinking what I cleaned my brushes with.
ok, so for the turpentine story: The good news regarding people that 'sell the oil' claiming it is good for you means it is likely a scam and not turpentine at all. Had people where I live claim industrial bleach was a cure for covid and they would 'sell it'. That bleach is commonly used to disinfect drinking water (it is used at about half the concentration than standard household bleach would be used if you ever had to prepare and preserve drinking water in an emergency), I'm mentioning this because that is the safe concentration for consumption. The claim was consuming the bleach would cure you and prevent covid, that claim would mean that just drinking the city tap water would cure you... but they sold products they claimed was the appropriate dose of bleach to cure you. Honestly, it was probably water with some flavoring and coloring to con people into thinking it was something while not getting them poisoned. There never were any reports for an influx of poison cases associated to bleach (have some friends that work at hospitals that keep me updated on those sort of things).
Story 1: She wasn't "too ashamed when she blatantly lied to OP's face, or when she swore on her then 9 year old daughter's life and she wasn't too ashamed when she turned her now teenaged daughter into her therapist. What a scummy, pathetic excuse of a person.
Story 1: The ex wife needs to focus on the daughter’s mental health. Disgusts me she’d lie on her daughter’s life. Also, a child should never be a parent to their mother/father. She’s trying to turn the daughter against the father. What a disgusting selfish person.
I hope the wife ask for a fresh start so OP can respond with this beautiful text I found on r/murderedbywords "McDonald's fries do tastes the same when you put em in the the microwave so this isn't going to change either"
The turpentine story is absolutely insane! I actually went to art school in Australia and for each new class/course the first day was always dedicated to OHS (Occupational Health and Safety) and it was drilled into us repeatedly about labeling any jars, bottles...etc. clearly as we would be working with several poisonous substances like paint solvents and thinners including turpentine! One of the students in my course was chewed out for cheekily labeling an old pasta sauce jar with "This is not [Brand Name] Pasta sauce" instead of "Solvent - Poison". He even told us about a girl who had taken a big gulp of turps by mistake, because it was next to her water bottle (we weren't supposed to have our food/drinks out in the studio either, and definitely not next to the solvents + paint mediums we were using), which was similar in size and appearance and how it had wreaked havoc on her digestive tract - and how they considered her very lucky given that was all she had to deal with.
Story 2: I wish you and your kids the best, and when your exes convicted for feeding her kids poison for so long, worst case scenario she will lose all custody with a slim to no chance of monitor visitation. Best case you got the prison for child engagement/ abuse.
I think the entitled delusional mom was most likely a Trump-supporting conspiracy theorist. Depending on when this took place, that would make sense, since during the height of Trump's influence both during and after his presidency, he had gained a creepy cult around him among many of his followers and many started spouting off conspiracy after conspiracy after conspiracy, some of which were religious, others were not, and it was a wild ride for sure. I think its petered off in recent years, especially since Trump is basically a fallen beast in his own right nowadays, but yeah.
So, first story I actually feel strongly about as someone whose parents had a nasty divorce. The reason this one hits me so hard is because in my 20's I made an attempt to self delete. I was in a coma for awhile, on a ventilator and all sorts of messed up. My father came in from Florida to be in the hospital with me. After I woke up and soon as they could the hospital decided to take me off the ventilator. If you've ever been on a machine to breathe for you for a few weeks when they turn it off and remove it you feel like you're drowning. You can't breathe properly at all, every breath is gasping and they'll have you do this for increasing lengths of time over the course of a day or two till you are able to breath on your own. First time they were doing that with me my father was in the hospital room with me, holding my hand. I am struggling and gasping to breathe, I have nurses around me telling me to try and remain calm and not get too scared because it would only make it harder to breathe if I started to panic...then my mother walks in. These two had not seen each other in 22+ years and their breakup was rife with cheating on both ends and Jerry Springer level drama. It was so bad that my father fled the state to get away from her unrelenting attacks, sending people to jump him or break into his work truck, etc. So, when my mother suddenly walked in I started to panic...big time! I was sobbing uncontrollably, fully unable to breathe now but trying to beg them both not to kill one another with vocal cords so damaged from the ventilator tube that I sounded like the chick who voiced the demon possessed little girl in the Original Exorcist movie. The sheer terror I felt in that moment was beyond anything I had felt since waking up a week or so prior. It was awful. Just awful. So, I feel what the daughter is going through. You don't have to engage with your ex more than necessary to co-parent to make the child not spiral into terror at the prospect of you and your ex crossing paths ever again. You don't have to forgive or even forget. Just make sure the child knows that for her you will put aside your own anger and pain in the moment so she doesn't have to be afraid. That's all. The kid did nothing and shouldn't have to have panic attacks because she wants both her parents to attend the same important function for her. She's innocent in all this.
Story 1: @RSlash, I don’t think, under normal circumstances, you would be able to have that kind of patience with a woman who had hurt you so deeply, but if it was for your daughter’s sake, like with OP, I 100% think you would go through all of this to help her have a more normal life. That guy is just a great dad, which is wonderful! Truly worthy of being in the bestof category 😀
Story 2 is insane to me. Gum Turpentine is used as a paint thinner used mostly for oil paints, so imagine what damage could have been wrought if this continued without op stepping in.
Its used for art paints - wich ion know much abt but the one thing i do know from hanging out with my grandmother and painting in general. ART PAINT IT TOXIC ASFFF THAT SHIT WILL STAY RED NO WORRIES ABT THAT SO JS THINK OF CANCEROUS SHIT IN THAT ANS THIS LADY IS LITERALLY FEEDING HER CHILDREN STUFF THAT BREAKS UP THIS TYPE OF PAINT = I
I've worked in childcare for over ten years now and it's a rule that you NEVER tell parents about their first. The truth is we are with kids sometimes more hours of the day than the parents so it's very likely we'll see their firsts before the parents do and it's something we shouldn't take away from them just because they have to work. So now you know a dirty secret of the industry.
Told this to another commenter but I've always wondered this. I knew that the daycares usually spend more time with the kids but I've never heard a story where a caregiver told the parents that their child reached a milestone. Thank you for sharing ❤
with the tummytime one, I understand. I work at a daycare, and we're told not to tell the parents if they do a milestone so they can witness it themselves. so OP did the right thing.
Story 1: It's VERY unhealthy and terrible to dump emotional baggage on children, it can mess them up, and it might even make them hate you for it. Go see a therapist instead of venting it at everyone
Unfortunately, my uncle is a conspiracy theorist and had convinced my grandma to take a spoonful of Borax every day. Thankfully, she has stopped because she didn't feel well (wonder why) but he's still abusive to her financially and verbally. She refuses to give up on him though, and won't move without him. It's really hard. A part of me wants to go no contact but I don't have that in me yet. Hoping I can get her to come around. Hopefully, he doesn't catch wind of that damn turpentine nonsense.
Damn, the first OP and his daughter are Grade-A people. She didn't want to hurt him, even if that meant she wouldn't get to see him. And he was ready and willing to help his ex get over herself so she can be a better parent, even if he had to pay for it. What a dumb wife he had, who threw all that away^.^
I work with infants in daycare. I have for the last 8 years of my life. I've experienced many firsts.First roll overs, first crawls, first steps... and our rule at our center is to NEVER tell parents that it happened. It's already hard enough with parents leaving their babies in daycare, let alone to miss all their firsts.
@@Tortilla.ReformSorry, no. The mother should not be talking to her daughter about the divorce at all. Coming from someone who has divorced parents, it's disgusting to be put in between your parents' issues, especially when the one doing it CHEATED and is whining about the consequences of her actions.
@@Tortilla.Reform It is totally inappropriate for a mother to constantly dump on her child how much the father's actions hurt. It's emotional manipulation and could go as far as alienation. This is not normal parent-child behavior, full stop.
@@Tortilla.Reform "Also, not everyone can afford a therapist" Then talk to a friend, one of equal age or a family member that is not your daughter. the child should not have to be the one taking care of their mother. THen the mother should sooner suffer in silence than dump it on their child.
@@miniman649yeah, but it tells a lot, that the mom doesn't have any friends to talk to.. that tells a lot about her personally and her personality... No one wants to deal with her bs...
The OP in that second story drove me absolutely crazy at first, dude was like “my ex is poisoning my kids, what do I do?” And I was like “why haven’t you spoken to a lawyer yet?”
Cheating on someone and doing s*xual stuff with another man is something that CANNOT be forgiven for. I admire her persistence, but this is something that can't be recovered from. And it's wrong for her to spill everything to the daughter like she's some kind of therapist or some sh*t.
it isn't the cheating per se but the way she only came clean when there was proof she couldn't get away with. Lying while swearing on your daughter's life is disgusting.
The thing that bothers me the most about the cheating wife is when she swore "on their daughter's life". Now obviously, swearing on someone's life doesn't actually put them in danger, but the sentiment of saying that while knowing that you're lying is really icky to me. I don't blame OP for trying to cut her out, and I hope they daughter knows she said that.
This might get lost but last night at work we had an entitled woman. She had 3 or 4 carts full of stuff and ended up staying 45 minutes after the store closed. It takes about the same amount of time to get the registers closed and ready for the morning. I got home around 11 and still had to shower because I have to be there at 9 today. Ugh. It’s the full moon so it’s when those people come out
@@dardarbinks3391 this is why Mondays are not my availability. By Sunday night my brain is completely fried. I work at a fabric and craft store so it’s been slammed with Halloween costumes
I work at a seasonal Halloween store. Three days ago was the last day for exchanges. We being getting lots of people wanting exchanges/returns. It's wild. Some are calm while others do the entitled person and demand to see the manager.
UPDATE: Guess who shows up an hour before we close, also the same time that me, a coworker, and the other MOD leave. The same MOD that closed last night is closing today and is checking her out. The lady hade like 5 receipts laid on the counter for a return or needed something fixed.
Vincent van Gogh was famously addicted to "terpenes", chemicals found in absinthe, camphor, and turpentine. The name comes from an archaic spelling of turpentine. Absinthe was expensive, but being a painter he always had camphor and turpentine handy. The terpenes in turpentine are indeed toxic, and hallucinogenic. Van Gogh was also fond of eating paints, but only those whose colors come from lead. Lead is an insidious poison because it tastes great.
I first learned what turpentine was as a kid through Roger Rabbit (turpentine is one of the ingredients in the dip), so through the whole second story all I could think was “THOSE KIDS ARE DRINKING DIP” and it actually made me queasy. Thank god the father found out before it did any damage to their health. It terrifies me to think of how many children are at the mercy of parents who’ve fallen down conspiracy theory rabbit holes.
I don’t like babies or kids at all, but damn that last story even made a crack in my hardened heart. Other folks being happy and healthy is always a feels good moment
Homeschooler here. There were kids raised in my community that were forced to drink turpentine and kerosene. CPS was called. However I was forced to take massive amounts of St John's wort. Usually 8 capsules a day.
2nd story: Turpintine used to be an old fashioned remedy in like the 1930 until 1960 ish. Rural areas in America often did not have local doctors and relied on mecidine men/women in the community. Honestly, I didn't even know turpintine was dangerous until I heard this story though I've never taken it. My grandmother's mom used to give it to her as a cold remedy everytime they got sick.
Read a book that took place during the Spanish Flu and people took a couple drops of kerosene on a sugar cube to try to prevent it. They also believed in wearing onion or garlic around their neck as well.
14:33 I remember watching an read Reddit video about things that your daycare provider doesn’t want you to know, one of the posts was about how children will have a lot of there firsts in daycare like steps, rolling over, words but, the staff will not tell the parents. That way the parents won’t feel bad about missing their child’s “firsts”.
Story 2: Yes, people used to drink turpentine. In the past a lot of people used to drink it as the "cure all" basically. cold? turpentine. Stomache ache? turpentine
@@1985toyotacamryit's true I use Turpentine to clean off my oil brushes for painting, the stuff is strong enough to dissolve medical grade plastic gloves and cause a painful burning sensation. It's not something to mess with lightly.
For story 2 they must have split right after he got her pregnant the second time for them to have a 5 year old when they split 6 years ago. Have to wonder if she was showing signs of crazy then that caused them to split and go no communication.
1 “doctor” quickly stripped of her title and qualifications promoted drinking turpentine because it’s naturally occurring and from trees and it all went downhill from there
With respect to story 1, personally, I have forgiven people who have harmed me in the past, and have been forgiven for my own actions against people in the past as well. The one thing I will never forgive, or expect to be forgiven for is betrayal. NTA ...
Story 1: Using ypur children as a therapist should be illegal. My mom went through a long, messy divorce with my abusive sperm donor and never talked to any of us (me and 2 sisters) about it. Story 2: This is why I hate pseudo science believers, they aren't just hurting themselves, they're killing people and most often it's their own kids.
i dont think thats pseudo science, more like a large scam, made for particularly stupid, somewhat arrogant, gullible people. also, because i said that his kids dont have anything by the moment, i dont think that the thing those scammers are selling is actual Turpentine or at least not Turpentine at 100%
To the first story...OP stating 'sometimes saying sorry doesn't undo the damage' reminded me of a story "Anger, The Boy and the Fence." The long of the short of it is that boy would hammer a nail into the fence any time they hurt/offended someone and any day they kept their temper under control they could remove a nail. Eventually the boy brings their father to the fence to show all the nails have been removed. The father reminded the boy that every bad day was a nail in the fence...a nail that will forever leave a hole. Doing better/apologizing will never make that hole go away.
Unfortunately, far too many of us are close with someone like the mother in story 2. I know personally my mom will refuse to drink unfiltered tap water bc of flouride, believes chemtrails are a thing despite having ABSOLUTELY seen the condensation on plane wings while flying, believes in anti-vaxx conspiracies, refuses to listen when I show her peer reviewed studies that show all these things as false, and simultaneously praises me for my critical thinking skills, and says I'm brainwashed by the government. Literally every time she says "You know, such and such thing is actually good for you despite what the government says" I ask her where she heard it and 9 times out of 10 it's unsourced facebook posts, or tiktok videos. I am legitimately concerned for her well being and try my best to make her think critically, but it doesn't work.
The unhinged conspiracy types, who believe stuff like Qanon (the crazy Maga mind virus people who are easily convinced the election was stolen because they don’t like to lose, and are deeply emotional/easily manipulated)
The Turpentine story, something like this is likely a case of the mother having Munchausen syndrome, a mental condition where the parental figure will purposefully make their child ill to get attention from others.
Ex wife isn't actually remorseful. She is still years later trying to lay things on the daughter in hopes of her making dad feel bad. The only regrets the ex wife has is that she is alone and ruined a good thing
Ah, yes, the good ol "it's gross when I do it with you, but fine if I do it to everyone else". Had an ex who told me that having sex at all is gross and one of the worst things we could do, but then went off and slept with a guy he considered his brother while we were still together. It always makes you feel awful when it's just one act or the entire thing, so I don't blame OP for being upset about it. Like, yeah, it IS "my body, my choice". That's why it wasn't pushed or forced. But don't expect someone to react kindly when you do it with someone else after telling them that it would be awful if they did it to you. ESPECIALLY when you're already dating/married
1st story: It reminds mi of my own parents. They divorced because my father had changed too much. There was no cheating or anything like that from my mom (possibly from my dad, but I can't be sure and won't ask). Directly after the divorce my dad didn't want any contact with my mom. If I told my dad I went somewhere, I could not mention my mom had gone with me, or else he would shut the entire conversation down. I have played in orchestras almost my whole life and give concerts (easily 20 per year). My mom has always been suportive of me and will go to all the concerts she can, even appologizing to me if she can't make it. In the past 10 years, she has missed a total of 1 concert! In the past 10 years, my dad has only been to 2 of my concerts. At first I asked him to go every concert. He would always ask if my mom was going. After he found out she would attend, he would not want to go anymore, even stating that as the reason. I offered to get him tickets as far away from my mom as possible, but that was not god enough either. I stopped asking him. He now misses some of the most beautiful moments I could show him, because one of the 1000 people in the audience is my mom. This type of behaviour will hurt your children and will make your children feel like they are not important enough for you. Your children will leave you out of imporant moments because of this behaviour. So for the sake of your children, you should find a way to sit in the same room together without hurting each other. You don't have to forgive or forget, you just have to accept that this person is in your childs live! What the mother did in story 1 was wrong (of course), and the divorce and all the people anrgy at her were deserved. But I do think that the father did the wrong thing as well by not wanting to see her at all. You have a child together, so do things for your child. Don't even think about if the mother will be there. If it makes you uncomfortable, make rules about how to behave. You don't have to act like best friends, you barely have to speak, the only thing you have to do is show up and support your child.
okay so in my oil painting class we were encouraged to keep the doors open and leavefor breaks because of the amount of turpentine used, how tf do people think its okay to INGEST
I heard a couple of red flags in the second story. 1: op and the mother are basically no contact. 2: for some reason op doesn’t have 50/50 custody. 3. even though it was going on for a month, every indication was that the kids were perfectly healthy. I’m very interested in the toxicology report.
You do know most custody battles don't end with a 50/50 split. Also having limited contact is also normal, especially when one is a conspiracy nut job trying to keep things from the other parent.
@@RiveroftheWither you do know divorces tend to get ugly, and custody battles can make people do some sinister things. The most common custody arrangements are 50/50, so there is a reason he was only getting every other weekend. Regardless, I would prefer seeing some evidence before jumping to any conclusion. The fact that people are willing to call her guilty based on his narrative alone is frightening.
@@jeremiahsmith2037 Okay so what would he gain from reddit? You know these stories can't be used as evidence right, that people reading can't gather, hunt her down and protest against her, that they aren't close so he can't use this to gaslight her. He can literally gain nothing but some well wishes and basic legal advice like "Keep recording the kids, don't post any more updates until after the trial because it can impact proceedings." Anti-vaxx a d religious nuts feed their children turpentine and urine all the time, anti-vaxx and religious nuts believe crap like "There's government mind control stuff in the water!", anti-vaxx and religious nuts "shun" the non-believers and try to poison their childrens minds against them. Unless you yourself have some weird ass issues, there is no reason to believe he's making everything up, reddit isn't going to help him get custody. Also no, 50/50 is not the most common custody arrangement and it's not because one parent is more unfit than the other. You reek of someone who never experienced a parents divorce. Weekend custody is the most common because of... get this... SCHOOL, most parents don't stay living within the same school district and staying within their current school system is seen as better than changing schools.
@@jeremiahsmith2037Eh, we don't even know who these people are in real life, so it's not like it will affect the actual person's involved. It's not that frightening.
@@akl2k7 you are aware that stories like this get spread around the internet every day. Some of the people affected deserve it and some don’t. Either way it’s mob mentality, and yes it is scary.
For the last story that is so wholesome! I have also lied about my own children's milestones in the past like first steps so their daddy could see the "first" with me! He worked a lot and I worried that he would be sad, especially with our first, for missing out when I was a SAHM who got to be with them all day. So when I would see it I would be so happy and proud but I wouldn't say anything other than our baby is close to XYZ milestone to him which usually had us try and help them do it but I knew they could. It might seem underhanded but I treasure the moments we shared more than "being first" to see it like some parents are...
First story, the cheater said it herself; she's a POS and her betrayal is both disrespectful and *shouldn't* be forgiven. Especially with how she seemingly can't accept responsibility because she's saying it's OP fault over how he (rightfully) hates her and it's making people judge her and keep others away. That aside, that is a *very* grown up question for OP's daughter to ask and it was really good for OP and his daughter to have that sort of talk with OP being open about it. Plus OP taking it to therapists with his family and getting that sorted and trying to give his daughter her life back. The cheater is total garbage because she's refusing closure over an apology that'll never come.
I have a gallon of turpentine out in my wood shop. When I use it, I wear gloves. I use it like any normal human would--to clean paint brushes when I use an oil based paint or stain. (By the way, it is quite ineffective to strip old paint.)
OP has been an excellent father he is refusing to badmouth her mother while still holding firm and explaining what and why and has his daughter's best interests in mind rather than his ego
OP from story 1 deserves the parent of the year award. He expertly balanced his daughter's feelings with his own in regards to his ex wife. He could of just bad mouthed his ex to no end. He didnt do it. He could of just folded and got back with the the ex wife. He didn't do that either. He said your mother is an important part of your life but not mine and helped her adjust the best he could to this reality. Can't respect the guy enough
I think what makes the first story bad is that she said she didn't wanna do that stuff but turned around and did it with another guy. It's not that she didn't wanna do it. She just didn't want to do it with op specifically
Story 1: The good thing is despite the ex "venting" to their daughter, the daughter seems to still have her head on straight. I hope the therapy helps both OP and his ex, but I can definitely understand OP not wanting to reunite. But if they can cooperate better for their daughter, that is a good thing. Story 2: I'm very glad OP got his kids medically evaluated. Their statements to the doctors, who are mandatory reporters, essentially got them removed from their mother's "care", which could have done them serious injury. I don't know why OP had so little custody of his kids to start with, but I hope this shows the court that their mother and grandmother cannot be trusted to care properly for them. Story 3: NTA! OP, you made the right call. The parents don't need to know that they missed it, especially as seeing him roll over for the "first" time made them so happy. Well done!
Really late but with the turpentine story, I'll make an added note. It's used as PAINT THINNER. (Like he said) It's a paint thinner we're not allowed to use in my oil painting class because the FUMES ARE THAT BAD, and the oil painting room has air that's filtered and completely replaced every 15 minutes, so. Make of that what you will.
I had to look up what turpentine is. Oil made from tree resin used in paints, makeup, etc. It looks like not much research has been done on its medicinal use/benefits, but it is dangerous to ingest (it seems like the "medicinal use" is for creams, the creams still have averse side effects such as rashes/pain, and not enough research has shown whether it was the turpentine itself or the other ingredients that were the beneficial part). In volume, it is the largest essential oil product in the world, so that's why the mom in the second story is pushing it onto her kids. Seems overall dangerous and bad.
Idk if I have a hormonal imbalance or something but that last story has me in shambles!! So so sweet! Yea OP lied by omission but I what a special moment she allowed the parents to have!
I totally disagree it's no different from what the dad is doing, people here are always pieces of shit that call everyone manipulative every time say speak about their emotions
@@FenroninI am going to politely disagree. This coming from a child of divorce. Imagine not being able to have energy to see your friends because a parent refuses to get help and uses you as a therapist. This what both my parents did to me. No it's not okay. That mom needs to put on her big girl pants and seek help. All it teaches the kids is codependency which is very, very unhealthy. It has taken me years to not be codependent on my family and my friends.
If you cheat, you have forfeited your relationship. You are entitled to nothing. Not even sympathy, forgiveness, love, or acceptance from ANYONE. What truly shocks me is the sheer vast amount of people who cheat out there. They are literally EVERYWHERE. It does NOT make it okay, but it’s important to know how rampant it is.
If I remember, correctly turpentine has something to do with Christianity. I gave up religion a while back, but something about turpentine struck a cord for some reason.
Hey rslash! Maybe this is just my opinion but when it comes to updates, I wish you wouldn’t skip through & would read the whole thing. Whether or not you consider it to be dry or too long isn’t important to me, personally. But hey, maybe I’m the only subscriber who feels that way & that’s fine! Anyways man love your work! Thanks for doing you!
It has been years, but back when I used to paint with oil paint, I used turpentine to clean off my brushes, and let me tell ya the smell was intense. I needed to be in a ventilated area, and the fumes were sometimes too much. Now I know paint terpentine and what ever she might be using may be different, but the thought of drinking that stuff makes me sick.
Laststory: it's suuuper common to be the one as a nanny to see the firsts, we zip our lips, say what she said, and let the family experience their 'first' with the baby.
I feel sorry for the daughter having to be a therapist to her own mom My dad did the exact thing after he sobered up, saying alcohol was relief to everything Theres help for many things if taking the initiative to get it. Theres only so much talking about it vs getting help for it does
For the nanny story, this is exactly why I left childcare as an occupation. I was in the infant room so I saw a lot of firsts that I wasn't fast enough to get on camera for the parents. It was honestly soul crushing.
About the turpentine story. While ivermectin and bleach are most well known, there's a lot of common ones that many people don't know about. Like my friend's mom who attempted to treat COVID, The Virus, with fish antibiotics. Luckily my friend knows how to cheek pills and didn't take them. He's fine now
I can't believe turpentine is back. My grandmother fed my mom and her siblings turpentine as a cure-all in the 60s. Fun fact: It's used to dissolve oil paints! ...Also, the Mary Poppins song says "a spoonful of sugar make the *medicine* go down". Not "the turpentine go down".
Last story: My girlfriend is a professional nanny of 20 years and she had this to say: She didn’t agree with this young nanny not telling the mother about the kid rolling over already for two reasons: 1) The parents should be aware for safety issues when the child begins to move (for example: changing table safety, etc); 2) Parents who work and hire a nanny should know that they are naturally going to miss some moments and communication and honesty between parents and nanny is extremely important.
Back in the 1960s my Mom got into paint (you REALLY didn't want paint on your hands in the 1960s) and Grandpa (her Dad) had my Mom wash her hands in turpentine. When his wife found out, she kicked his a$$.
1st story - i relate to the daughter in it. My parents began divorce process when i was 11 or 12 and i was told rather calmly. But as soon as they were seperated and custody was split 50/50 my mother used me as a therapist while my father would churn out vile poisonous stories and statements about my mother being awful when he was physically and emotionally abusive to not only her but me simply for looking like her. My mother treating me like a therapist hasnt stopped in more than a decade now under the excuse of "i dont have any friends" shes begun to do the same thing with my daughter as well only venting to her about ME and its irritating as all get out. Thankfully im low contact with my father and hes gotten less destructive in his old age and ive learned how to shut down his awful comments quickly. Ah.. tldr ive been where the daughter is in the 1st story
Ok, I had to look into this turpentine thing because of how batshit crazy that sounds. Apparently, it used to be used as medicine in the 1800s as a remedy for tapeworms, but the doctors then even wrote that there was a probability of horrible urinary problems (ie kidneys) when used. It was also used in the civil war to help stop bleeding via injection or topical application, and, oddly, apparently it’s still used today in vapo-rub (which you aren’t supposed to friggin EAT!). The article also mentioned that pine tar is very closely related but doesn’t, you know, murder you. Maybe wires got crossed, but even if that were to be the case in this story, best not to have a complete moron as a guardian for a child.
For the last story - we swaddled our baby and once baby starts rolling over it’s important to stop swaddling as if not baby can roll over in its sleep and suffocate as it can’t use it’s arms to lift its head when swaddled. Don’t know the details about whether this baby was swaddled or not but as a mom who had nannies for both of my kids I would rather have full knowledge of what happened during the day so I can be secure in knowing what’s happening with my little ones during the day, even if that means I miss a first.
If you're a sick human being how could you be a good mother. You have to be a decent human being on some level to even qualify as a good parent. This idea that you can be a good parent while only firing on one cylinder as a human being sounds impossible
He wasn't actually saying she's a good mom, he was just trying to not do what the mother was doing, by burdening his daughter with all his problems he has with his ex.
Being a cheater means you're a bad SO, not necessarily a bad person in every other context. People are complicated. My grandfather unionized his workplace and was a staunch ally when his Anishnabee friends were faced with racism. He also beat and molested his children. His good acts don't undo the harm he did to his kids, but the harm to his kids also doesn't undo the good things he did for his coworkers and friends.
I was in an at home day care while my mom finished her bachelors degree. Her friend would watch me during the day and she would watch her son at night because their class schedules worked out that way. My mom told me that her friend actually heard my first word. She was talking to my dad on the phone when he called during a break at work. Apparently her phone was loud enough I heard his voice and said “dad.” She didn’t tell a soul. 3 hours later when my dad got done at work and came to pick me up, I said it again. He was in tears that he got to hear my first word, and that it was dad. At my high school graduation party she finally spilled the beans. So OP did the right thing, sometimes it happens spontaneously, but kids will duplicate things they are praised for.
Ummmmm.... I'm a painter and we use turpentine regularly for a thinner. We are told not to use it to remove paint from our hands because the absorption through skin is dangerous, LET ALONE DRINK IT! I'm happy these kids are getting help.
Story 1. It should be healthy enough that the daughter shouldn't have anxiety about having an event that she wants both parents at. You can go to events and not interact with ppl. How OP ended up handling it was *chef's kiss* perfect.
About the turpentine story: Do NOT go down the woonatic rabbit hole. Believe me, turpentine is among the mildest of stupid shit they take or do to themselves. It is genuinely horrifying.
I use turpentine to wash my brushes between colors when I do oil painting. Let it be known this stuff can be toxic and is even bad for PIPES to the point I have to pour the oil turpentine into chemical containers, that I then go to dispose of properly via the toxic waste collection in my town. That should tell you something about how this stuff should not be ingested PERIOD.
Story 1: you're doing a lot to try and make this work for the sake of your daughter, not to mention probably fixing the match your ex created for herself. I mean all you really have to do is be able to tolerate tolerate being in the same room as her, and you did but you're doing more solely because you want to make sure you're doing everything right and that's great, it's a lot better than forcing all of your problems on to your daughter because you want to use her to force forgiveness.
Babysitters and nursery care workers experience babies' firsts all the time and don't tell the parents. It's a very common thing to do to keep the "magic" between parents and children. Also, the only time I've heard of drinking turpentine was a joke on the Simpsons.
You speculate at the end of the first story that the mom vents to her daughter in order to manipulate the ex husband into talking to her, but I have a different perspective on this. I think it's more that her mom sees her as a friend she can vent to rather than a daughter she's there to protect. My mom always treated me more as a friend and would vent her frustrations to me, even when I was very young. It only got worse as I got older. So in this case I don't think OP's ex wife is trying to manipulate OP, she's just being very, very selfish snd self unaware. Which IMO is just as bad or worse. I'm in my 30s and still trying to unpack how absolutely unhealthy and damaging that really was. It's literally painful for me to hurt someone's feelings in ANY WAY, no matter how small, because I've been responsible for babysitting my mom's feelings since I was 6 or 7.
