OP NTA, Sadly I think your husband and sil are both AH’s. Also I think they both should pay for a new swing then ditch them both. I know someone whose husband gets her nothing. In 38 years she has had 1 birthday present and by that he gave their daughter money and said get your mum something. She gets presents from her children (now adult) me , work colleagues and my Mum. Do you honestly want to be like this 20 years from now. Also while she will complain,she won’t do anything about it. Please put your children first and dbag husband and sil last. 🙏🏻🩷
Imagine coming onto someone's property, sitting on their furniture even when they ask you not to, breaking that furniture, laughing about it, and not paying for it. The absolute *audacity* of this woman.
I agree with you but there is a big, big miss in rSlash's story. The 3.5/5 maybe even 4.5/5 score for the husband. He doesn't respect/appreciate his wife and her belongings. Huge red flag even after 16 years of marriage.
I don't have to imagine it, because it happens all the time. There's a certain kind of person who will just sit anywhere, and I'm kinda curious as to why they aren't even afraid of getting hurt while falling, even if they don't respect anyone's property. I'm kind of big (not that large) and I'll 'test sit' on chairs and things, and if they don't 'groan' or they seem stable, I'll put my full weight on them, because most things in life don't have weight limits posted on them. Throughout my whole life, I've only broken two chairs, both of which were mine, and I fixed them with screws and wood-glue. I took shop in Junior High... I'm not _good_ at it, put I picked up enough to get by.
Last story: Honestly this family is so creepy. They tell their daughter to invite a friend, reject two possibilities, take OP. Pay OP to fly out and stay with them, treat OP like a slave, and then kick her out without any thought on what she would do alone in a location that is literally a plane ride away from home. And then they get mad when they find out she had some money to pay housing/food. Which means that not only are the a**holes for bringing along a 'friend' to serve them, but they intentionally brought someone of lower economic means who they believed would be entirely dependent on them in a foreign environment. They weren't just mad that OP stayed, they were mad because they realized they didn't have the power/leverage a young woman that they thought they had. Gross. Just gross.
Oh, absolutely. They didn't want a guy because they wanted assumed a guy couldn't/wouldn't cook for them. They probably 'disliked' the other female friend because she did seem broke enough. Clearly they assumed OP would be desperate to keep them happy so she could have accommodation. And what's worse is that the so called friend obviously knew this shit about her family and said nothing! Also, what kind of idiot assumes a college student is an experienced cook who can prepare meals for large groups? 🤣 What a bunch of dumbasses. Good on OP for planning ahead!
I bet they believed that if she was as poor as they had hoped, she would come back after a short while, beg for forgiveness and cook for them. What if she didn't have that money and refused to go back to them. Were they just expecting her to starve for the time, not care if OP got kidnapped or killed. Not a single person there, the family, the family friends, even the chick who invited OP have any remorse
They probably also refused the other friend Meg wanted to bring precisely because, like op, they probably did something similar to her and she stood up for herself.
Why do people always cheat with their partner’s siblings/ parents/ cousins?? If they have to cheat at all, can’t they choose literally anyone else than the immediate family??
One sinister explanation could be .. Because you wouldn't get suspicious of your partner spending time with your family, and you wouldn't expect family members and close friends to do this to you. So for the cheater the affair is easier to hide.
They are closer in their lives, they encounter those more often because of their partners relation to them. People just f around. It just happens. You cant stop that, it is human nature. If you have friends who are friends with them, probably, within a year they have f each other.
Second story, classic example of a "boat rocker" family. The mom rocks the boat, and the whole family have learned to appease her so they don't all fall overboard. Then, if someone comes along who doesn't appease her, they blame them for upsetting the boat rocker. Throw the whole family away, OP.
My step family has a boat rocker (step moms mother), thankfully everyone, even the grandson she had her talons in the deepest, have all realized shes the boat rocker and booted her off. She was REALLY BAD, even went so far as to accuse my Dad of pedophilia and tried to coach my youngest stepsister into lying about what happened during her visitation with her mom. All because my dad and stepmom decided to get married after *10 years* of being together and she didn't agree with it...
Yeah, you'd be appeasing that b*tch till the day she dies. As much as you love someone, if they let that other relative walk all over them all the time, you'll be sure to get the same (or more) treatment.
At first I thought it was a bit of miscommunication. It seemed like the mum didn’t know OP was making the special cake or that OP knew the mum was buying a big cake. But it was the dismissiveness with which OP was treated that was the problem. “Oh, put your garbage cake over there for the kids” “Just do what my mum says”. A better solution would have been “OP take it home with us and we can share it just the two of us”.
It's gross how when OP left they were all clearly talking about her and how unreasonable she is. I bet the mother was loving it. Shame on the fiance for joining in with the sharks in their feeding frenzy.
Third story: I would say that the backstory *does* make a difference. She doesn't get anything nice, which means *Her Husband* is the one getting her Tupperware and soap and shit. And he was *talking to his sister* before she decided to sit in the swing, which means he could very well have encouraged her to do it, or at least didn't discourage her. I think OP needs to reevaluate her relationship.
Let's not forget that it was a gift by her son, wwho paid it with his own money (that probably took a lot of work to get). So the husband is not only disrespected her but their son too.
Damn, I feel so bad for OP in story one. Imagine having a kid, finding out the kid is your brothers and not yours, then being blamed and them telling the kid you harbour resentment to them and not the sibling/ex duo that betrayed you. Gross
@@heppahullu Actually, there is a third option. OP and GF get married, and ask his brother to be the donor when they decide to have a kid, everyone lives happily ever after. A lot more people do this than you would think. But GF and brother are two-faced cheaters, so OP is justified in not having anything to do with them. "Lily" is the kid he would have had under Plan A, he might as well build a good relationship with her because none of this is her fault and she seems to be on good terms with her uncle.
Third story: You forgot to mention the husbands points. He sides with his sister... This alone would at least be 2 points, but even worse: Her son is 16 years old. That means for at least 18 years her husband not once got her a personal present!!! Only some thoughtless tupperware or soaps. This is the real A--hole move and he deservs 4 our of 5 A--hole points.
The husband is so clueless. I really felt sad for her. No only is she so sad and disappointed the the one thing she had that she valued and loved got broken, her husband can't even show any understanding.
First Story, NTA: All OP did was tell his niece the truth. That being said, OP’s brother and fiancé are really scummy for what they did to OP. The level of betrayal is just insane. I LOVE the ending to this story; I’m so glad OP and Lily are working to get to know each other, I’m glad the ex and the brother got their contacts cut, and I’m glad Lily herself wants nothing to do with her parents. What those two told Lily while she was growing up is extremely messed up Second Story, NTA: OP’s FMIL and Ben are just outright disrespecting OP. FMIL with her constantly judging OP’s appearance and disrespecting OP’s efforts in what she does and Ben for being a spineless coward and not standing up to his mom when she constantly disrespects his fiancé. I could be wrong but I’m assuming that Ben told his family that OP was bringing a cake she baked but his mom still went out of her way to buy Ben a cake and tried to push OP’s cake to the kids Third Story, NTA: While I do not condone body shaming, in this situation SIL’s weight WAS the problem. OP clearly said that the weight limit is 250lb and asked her to not sit on it and what did she do: she sat on it. Also how can SIL say what she said when no one made her have the weight she has besides herself Fourth Story, NTA: Did they really expect OP to just go home after they invited OP to the vacation? Lmao these people are insane 😂. They are just mad that OP wouldn’t be their free maid
I can agree om the 5/5 for the parents and also the 0/5 for Lily. Buuuut I would give OP 0,5/5 because he treated Lilly, a completely innocent victim herself, differently. And I understand his point and he probably could not have handled it any other way for his own mental health. But Lily growing up knowing she will never get the love from her uncle like her cousins makes me a little angry towards OP's behavior. I am very glad that it worked out the way it did and Lily knows now that she is not at fault here.
@@blackcab666 I disagree. He did it for his own health and under the advice of a mental health professional. Those two together make it so he, in my mind, is not a butthole. I can see the justification if he did so without advice, but since he did so. I feel it should be weighed differently.
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd I don't disagree with you. He had every right to do so. But in my mind I think about Lily and can't get over the fact he treated her this way. His brother and sister-in-law deserved to be shunned by him, but Lily? It's a very complicated situation and like I said I agree to your point 100%. But I try to see it from Lilys standpoint, beeing treated less than her cousins.
@@blackcab666 he was an uncle she didnt spend much time with. I have uncles i havent seen in years and cousins i see often that those uncles have better relationships with. If he wasnt paying anyone's college, she probably wouldnt have even said anything. ALSO her parents are the ones in the wrong by making up a weird ass lie to explain away that this poor man thought she was HIS daughter. He held her, fell in love with her, and had everything explode and die in front of him. Just to be forced to watch a ghost of a family that SHOULD be his.... yeah. the guy has DEFINITE reason to distance himself, and no in normal circumstances i doubt she would really care above a slight "man uncle OP is kinda weird..." its not detrimental. he isnt a parent.
Honestly the swing story could be applied to anything, and OP would be justified. It boils down to OP asked someone not to touch her property. Her wishes were ignored and the item was broken. Then she is not allowed to be upset about it, seriously what the fuck.
@@MyFiddlePlayer What are you, 10? Cursing is not just used to show a stronger emotion, it's proven to relieve stress and keep people from passing out from pain. Since children shouldn't be reading the RU-vid comments, there's really no reason to complain about others use of language.
@@MyFiddlePlayer That is your sticking point in this? Not the low effort husband, the mean/disrespectful sister in law, the fact the son got it for her or that she had told the in law not to use it and she did it anyway, showing no regard for another persons property, but the fact that she used profanity? Not sure you could miss the mark any harder if you tried.
@MyFiddlePlayer seriously what 🤬 rock are you currently living under? OP was very upset and using those curse words to get her point across to her entitled SIL over the fact that she did warn her and was ignored anyway. People have been using those choice words to vent out their anger and frustration for years. Grow up and get used to it.
EX: "You ruined *MY* family!!" Oh, so YOU can cheat and ruin the relationship with OP, but the moment OP told Lily the truth, you got into a hissy fit? Yeah, gimme a break!
Third story: While SIL's weight plays a part in the whole situation, it's not the main issue. Rather, it became an issue when she blatantly disrespected OP by doing something she specifically asked her not to. I'm a big girl and I know damn well not to sit in a hammock/swing chair, no matter if I'm within the weight limit or not. It's just not made for us. And yeah, I get laughing off the embarrassment but, the next words out of her mouth after she said "Guess I should have listened." should have been "How much was it so I can replace it?" or "Where did you get this so I can replace it?" Like, yeah, she should have listened in the first place so she *wouldn't have to* replace it but she didn't, so now she *should* replace it. So, NTA, OP. You told the truth and she didn't like it. Sucks to be her.
Story 4: I'll say this, if you become my friend, invite me to your vacation, and then proceed to use me as some sort of unpaid servant, I am no longer your friend. Heck, I'll make sure everyone knows that you only brought me over to be an unpaid servant. I know that a lot of families lean on the traditional side, but there are some instances where it just isn't okay, this being one of them. It might violate tradition in their eyes, but the dudes will just have to cook for themselves if the mom can't do it. Or they can just go to a restaurant. They're rich, they can afford it. Or they'll just take the "Starve" option if they're that insane.
@@esporeno “lazy as your ancestors”, they weren’t lazy. Our male ancestors were hunters that would spend literal days following and tracking huge game. Then have to haul that 500lb+ game all the way back to their families so the female could prepare successful hunt for food. Nothing about it was lazy.
For the second story, my ex mother in law was like that. I hated it! And he never stuck up for me either. He always gave the excuse of “That’s just the way she is” and I always rebuttaled with, “She’s a grown woman. That’s no excuse. The only reason why she always gets away with doing the stuff she does is because they put up with it. I have boundaries and I refuse to be disrespected. He was always mad when I stood up for myself. Hence why he’s my ex husband now. I’m happy lol I have found peace!
My dad's side of the family is like this and I hate it. I'm a nice and quiet guy who normally keeps to myself (really hard to annoy me or get me mad) but I will go off on them now when they start something.
Silver lining is that his Cheating Ex, and Toxic Brother are now essentially in exile from the rest of the family, and Lily can actually have a relationship with the Uncle who suffered from her Parents horrible deeds.
Third story: NTA. Honestly, the comment about her weight was a little backhanded, but if someone laughed about destroying something I loved I would’ve lost it, too.
@@jamescaron6465 and they said she "records herself eating professionally" which tells me she's probably some really gross Mukbang channel like Nickocado Avocado. Where half the "entertainment" is a twisted sadistic enjoyment in watching a train wreck continue to destroy themselves.
I disagree. If part of her income genuinely is eating and uploading it, then that weight gain is 100% her choice, and what op said isn’t even rude, just true. It’s not offensive, at least in my eyes, to *just* mention someone’s weight. Not when it applies to a situational context.
Destruction of property is destruction of property. It doesn't matter if it's a five dollar shirt, or a two thousand dollar laptop. You break it, you bought it. The only acceptable response is to apologise profusely and offer to pay for it or help fix it, etc. The image of her fat ass on the floor, just laughing, drives me crazy. So selfish!
First Story: NTA. Lily wanted to know why OP would not pay for her education and she he told her the truth. Also, the ex has some nerve to call OP the AH when she was the one who slept with his brother and got pregnant. And to lie on OP on top of that? OP should not apologize for telling the truth. Nor is he wrong for not paying for a child that is a constant reminder of the biggest betrayal in his life. Anyone who think OP is the bad guy in all this, should get their head checked.
And how weird that the parents never told Lily the truth. I can see not telling her as a child. Not sure why they made up such a CRAZY cover story though. There's no reason adult Lily shouldn't know the real history. Mom and Dad were just trying to hide their own treachery.
@@fdm2155 Sadly, they probably made up the cover story because Lily could see that her uncle wasn't as close to her or her parents as he was to her cousins and other aunts/uncles and wanted to know why. So the parents made that up to explain the uncle being hostile (and villainize him) while pretending Lily's parents did nothing wrong.
Yeah, what's wrong with the cover story: "Your mom dated your uncle before she dated me, and he is still sore about getting dumped" if they don't want to tell her the whole truth? The cover story they made up is just weird. Come on, just about every kid knows that their parents dated other people before they found each other, that is just reality.
I’m so happy story 1 got an update because that was so heartbreaking. Lily deserved to know why she was treated so differently growing up and I’m happy she and OP can mend their past wounds and begin to form a healthy relationship with Lily. Also for story 2….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA have thicker skin? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! That fiancé is a spineless mama’s boy who obviously will never put OP above his precious mommy. OP is NTA and I seriously hope she rethought that relationship because it would be full of nothing but gaslighting and disrespect
I'd actually give OP in the first story a small butthole score. While he had no obligation to give gifts or go on trips with Lily, he did treat her unfairly for no faults of her own. The right thing to do would have been to give none of the niblings more than the others. Sure, he didn't want to be reminded of the events, but he definitely took his feelings out on an innocent child. 1 out of 5 buttholes for that.
Re. the story with the toxic mother-in-law and the cake: whenever someone says an abuser/bully 'is just like that' understand that they are like that because everyone around them has enabled them to be like that. Bullies will bully when we allow them to do so. Good on OP for not tolerating this behaviour and for walking out on the situation.
The last story… OP not the butthole. Meg’s family certainly is. I kinda feel sorry for Meg though… It looks like she was also being treated as a slave because “cooking is woman’s work”. Meg just didn’t have OP’s ability to stand up to her family because she’s probably been treated like that her entire life. I’d be interested to know what Meg thinks of the whole thing.
Even being cordial is more than they deserve. I would've erased them from my life. That being said, I'm glad OP managed to make peace with Lily and get rid of the cheaters.
At least OP found out that he wasn't Lily's father until _after_ signing the birth certificate. That would've been a nightmare and a half in court to settle!
its her choice to be that FUCKING BIG, she has obviously done it on purpose, we are not talking about someone in a depression eating cycle here, she is happy enough about her weight to video herself doing what I assume would be muckbangs, but cant handle someone calling her out on her weight when she was already told it would not hold her.
True though even if she wasn't WAY over the product weight limit, OP specifically asked her not to sit in the swing. So, the fact that she sat in it and ruined it means SIL is a self-entitled idiot AND a deadbeat for not paying to replace the thing she ruined.
Thats exactly why I was annoyed when she tried to accuse OP of making it seem like her weight was the problem when in reality that is exactly the case. OP literally told her that there was a 250lb weight limit and asked her not to sit on it. What did she do? She sat on it and broke it. It’s no one’s fault but her own that she chose to be big. She shouldn’t attempt to accuse someone of fat shaming when she is the one who decided to the weight she is; so much so that she does muckbangs
Around 30 years ago I knew this supremely fat guy who was a piece of shit like that, and would crush stuff with his ass. Like he'd walk up to someone's car, and just randomly throw himself ass-first onto their hood to dent it. Or if there was a public bench or chair, he'd sit on it so hard that it would collapse. He would throw his ass around destroying stuff, and then if anyone called him out on it he would turn on the crocodile tears like "I didn't mean to, it just broke! Honest!" Also I'm pretty sure he never wiped his ass in his life. He couldn't even reach his back pockets on his pants. The only reason we hung out with him was because we were all 13-15 and he was over 21 so he could buy beer and cigarettes for us.
Story 2: If Ben really was on OP's side, he would've asked his parents not to order the cake. Yet, the cake was ordered anyway, so that means that Ben just let them. Yeah, either OP breaks up (which would be extreme), or just cut contact with MIL (which is the more sane option).
Whiny little mama's boy Ben. "But my mommy paid so much for the cake... C'mon baby, the cake you baked was no effort so it can be disregarded." I think Ben should spend all his future birthdays at his mommy's place, eating the cake she bought with so much money.
Breaking up is not extreme. This pattern of behavior on the mother's part and enabling on the fiancé's part has been going on for awhile. I wouldn't put up with a husband who didn't come to my defense.
Imagine calling women insane for breaking up over major red flags, especially in this day and age when thanks to conservatives plaguing modern generations with their beliefs, misogyny is at an all time rapid return to prominence the world over lol
About the swing story. I am an obese guy myself. It is my responsibility not to destroy stuff. It is simply like that. When it happens by accident, it is my responsibility to replace the stuff I have destroyed. As I said: It is rather simple.
Second story: NTA. How was OP causing drama? She removed herself from a bad situation. Honestly, I’m impressed that she didn’t throw the cake at them. Ben will never have her back against his mom, and that’s not the kind of fiancé you want. My advice? Bake a new cake and put the words “We’re over, enjoy the cake as if it was your mom’s asshole.”
Yeah, I wrote something similar in my own comment. MIL *is* lucky, because I would've dropped the cake where I stood and she could've spent the next half hour cleaning it up while I'm driving home. I also wouldn't have further conversed with her momma's boy. I really hope OP doesn't marry that guy that screams disaster.
The last one the family got upset because they wanted to screw over Op but because she found a way to not get screwed over they were super upset when they saw her at the resort..honestly I think they were just so shocked and upset that she wasn't screwed over to the point where she couldn't get home and because she had her own way out and she wasn't an idiot they were even more upset
It does seem odd that Lily's parents were cut out as soon as she knew the truth. Did the rest of OP's extended family not get the full story for themselves until Lily found out? You'd think OP would be telling everyone what happened as soon as he got the DNA test results. And on that note, do we want to imagine what the fallout would've been if OP was listed as the father on the birth certificate and _then_ found out that Lily wasn't his daughter?
@@danielbrant6740OPs family did shun Lily’s parents for about two years after she was born, but they realised that by cutting them out they’d be cutting Lily off too, also apparently OP’s dad beat the brother up and tried castrating him.
I don't understand how they are staying at a resort and don't they have meals included? And the daughter is sis because she didn't tell the friend about the food arrangements? And what country has a tradition where guests have to cook for hosts?
the first story, lily's parents made the situation infinitely worse by outright lying to her about why OP was so distant. if they had simply not said anything about it to her, that would have been better. but no, they had to lie and make OP the asshole, manipulating their daughter. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Cake story: NTA. When someone says you need to grow a thick skin and deal with someone’s abusive behavior. An acceptable response is “I don’t keep the peace for passive aggressive and back handed comments. It’s just how I am, you need to learn to deal with it.”
Right? Why do only YOU have to have thicker skin but the fiancé and MIA can’t grow a thicker skin about not getting to keep a cake they didn’t even want? A CAKE THEY WERENT GONNA EAT. spineless AND thin-skinned fiancé.
Story three reminds me of my ex-husband who literally said, “if you want romantic gestures you should lose some weight” during an argument about why I bought myself flowers.
The first story is the perfect example of "context matters." I could see this playing out in a different universe where everyone was open about OP's infertility and they used the Brother's sperm with consent to conceive Lily.
The Swing Story: I feel so sorry for OP. She had something nice to call her own and her Hippo of a Sister breaks her Swing and doesn't apologize and compensate her. WTF?
you know what the easiest solution to the second story would be? "honey, im just glad i get TWO cakes. one from my mother and one from my lovely, soon-to-be wife!" if its REALLY that hard to put on the "make my wife happy" techniques, he probably needs quite a bit of time before marrying her, if time is even the question at all.
The swing story really pisses me off. OP is married to someone who only gives her Tupperware and soap? It's so chronic that her child had to save his pocket money to get her "something nice"? And the husband didn't do a damn thing when his sister broke his wife's cherished gift from her son? Throw out the whole husband.
For the fat girl x swing story: NTA, her weight WAS / IS the problem here. And no, the limits, despite being approximative, are not lies. They can go with a, like, 10-15 lbs difference, maybe above by a few bits, not 170 POUNDS. THAT'S LIKE 75KG! A WHOLE EXTRA PERSON.
Frankly her weight is her business. The problem is she knowingly sat on a swing that wouldn't hold her AND she did so after the owner expressly told her not to. The obvious disprect for OP from SIL and the husband is stunning.
@@fdm2155 I'm of the same opinion. There is a difference between not critically thinking about the logistics of a swing and *ignoring* said logistics, negligence versus malice. The real problem here is SIL is disrespectful to OP by not abiding by the boundaries OP set (in her own house at that) and more importantly, husband not helping enforce them, while encouraging the dismissal of his wife's feelings (taking the sister's side). Feel bad for kiddo, his gift to his mom was broken because his aunt is a fucking jerk.
The line about opening old wounds in the first story: my first thought was ' if a wound is infected it has to be reopened and flushed to heal properly'. I'm glad OP and Lily are moving forward with their lives and trying to have a relationship without Lily's parents being there
For the story about the swing, not only is OP not the butt hole here, but she’s actually being very honest. That swing is not designed to support someone that’s 450 pounds. For instance a G-Shock watch is designed to take one hell of a beating, but it’s not designed to go scuba diving.And I understand someone might have trouble losing weight due to medical conditions, or genetic disorders. Fair enough. However, her sister-in-law‘s problem is that she can’t stop eating and seems to be blindsided into thinking that being that overweight is healthy.
Yes, exactly exactly...OP set up clear boundaries and explain this is not for you or your weight in clear and easy to understand language yet the sister-in-law acted like a douche
I have a bine to pick with the cake story. FMIL says it costs more, but if you know anyone who bakes it can be a lot more expensive to make a cake from scratch. I remember a cake my mum used to make as a kid. It had m&ms on the top and was surrounded by kitkats I believe it cost about 40 pounds to make (which for a cake is a lot).
And lets not forget the time of shopping for it and making it, include the hours of R&D spent to perfect it so she knew exactly what her fiance liked.. I don't imagine I can get a baker to do a custom cake for less than $25 an hour. So all in all this was probably a $300-$500 cake. To be that dismissive is disgusting. But on the plus side, I'm glad she found out before a wedding took place. I've been engaged before and that would not have been a good marriage at all, and I don't know how wife would have felt if I was a 23yo divorcee when we met.
2nd story: sounds like Ben forgot to tell OP to grow a second spine. As his clearly isn’t there. NTA for OP. 2/5 of MIL for being a jerk about her son’s (possibly ex) future wife. 3/5 for Ben for being a spineless coward towards his mom.
Second story: Dump that Mama’s boy it’s not worth it. If you’re “soon to be husband” can’t stand up to his mommy for you, then what else will he not back you up on? How much would you have to suffer? I suggest OP check out r/JustNoMIL or whatever it’s called because that’s what her life would be like. Also what about all the time, money, and effort OP put into the cake? The time and effort alone is probably more than what the cake is worth! FMIL probably just spent a bunch of money so that way she would have a petty reason for OP to get shunned
Either they 1) hoped that OP would beg to stay and bow to their demands, or 2) that she would fly straight home on the return ticket. OP was smart in thwarting any possibility of them screwing with her ticket and forcing option 1 on her. I'm glad she had a nice time on her own and had the satisfaction of screwing with their entitled pea brains.
The one thing I was taught was to never ask for big things so idk how someone has the AUDACITY to ask their uncle to pay for their college. Idk it just puts me in awe Edit: I know in her situation she’s not entitled by asking, her cousins got that treatment but she didn’t. Just a me thing is just how do you find a good moment to ask because I’d have so much anxiety
On the one hand, I get your point, but on the other hand, when he literally paid for every other niece and nephew's college and not hers, I think it's worthwhile to ask. And she didn't sound entitled so much as feeling jilted by his treatment of her when she didn't know why.
Assuming this is america our college system is basically designed to trick teenagers into accruing debt so there's no shame in asking for help paying for it, especially when you have a rich relative who has been doing exactly that for your cousins. I can understand your mentality so just understand that some people just need help.
Well, given that he had paid for all of her paternal cousins, I don't think it's outrageous for her to ask if he would pay for her too. Yeah, if he had no history of making such generous gifts it would be absolutely nuts.
While ultimately the backstory of the swing doesn't matter, but it does in that it's a very cherished present. What compounds this is that it was a gift, so the SIL basically shit on OP, and her son.
Yes, I'm against body shaming, but if you disrespect my house and my property and my boundaries, all the niceness leaves out of the window... I open up my house doors for you and entertain you yet, you take a Dookie on it... plus not to mention the sister-in-law, not only laughs about it that she broke the gift on purpose, knowing the chair will break because of her body... But also she basically spits on her nephew and the time he put in... She doesn't deserve to be part of the family... How can you treat your family like that, and say you love him
I'd add +1.5 or +2 for the fact that she hadn't gotten anything nice until her 16 year old son got her something. So he's been not treating her even once in 16 years. And I understand a lot of people aren't well off, but I find it hard to believe that you can't save $5 a month. in 10 years that's $600, that's enough to at least do 1 nice thing. But she got tupperware and soap?
The first story was a roller coaster ride. What the brother and ex did is an ultimatum from of betrayal honestly it’s best op cut them both off and I’m glad he at least had relationship with his neas lily now because now doesn’t have any but her
first story: the way that ended was the best possible outcome for that situation. the two victims of that affair were able to reconcile and start healing and the guilty parties were completely cut off. before the update i felt conflicted since lily is innocent in all this, but she showed a lot of emotional maturity by helping to resolve the situation. her parents don’t deserve her.
Last story: The family can piss off. I bet the family expected her to be homeless in a strange place so she can crawl back to them or something. OP is allowed to do as she please, she should threaten them with calling the cops if they are going to harass her during her vacation. Also, cut that 'friendship'.
Malicious MiL doesn't mean it "most of the time". Implying that the rest of the time she most certainly does mean it. [] That swing chair: I got Google to convert her weight into something I could understand; it came out at 30.odd stone. How TF is that even possible??? I can't even imagine someone that big who isn't at least ten feet tall. She eats for money? talk about digging your grave with your teeth ... She owes OP a replacement for the chair that she broke. [] The "free holiday" - they should have made it clear to OP that she was being taken along as unpaid labour. There was a strong hint in the seat they got for her, but it was too late to back out by then. They were outraged that they gave her the holiday "under false pretences" be cause she could afford it anyway? so they deliberately target "lower class" hired help, except that they don't bother hiring them, cos that would involve paying them.
For the cake story - the MIL and most of that family sounds toxic, however for this instance - did OP tell anyone besides her fiancee that she was bringing a cake? Did she ask the MIL? Did the fiancee tell the MIL she was bringing a cake? If I had planned a party for one of my adult children, I would have a cake there, so I don't understand why OP was surprised that the MIL had a cake. I get why OP was upset, it sounds like a last straw sheet of thing, but I don't get why she was mad that the MIL alrey had a cake when the MIL was the one who was hosting the party.
It could be possible that either she did mention it to the FMIL but was ignored anyway, or the fiancé asked his mom to get a cake from the bakery even though OP said she was going to make the cake. Either way, both of them disrespected OP.
Rslash, I love how you 99% of all the time know exactly what's right and wrong. Some stories really get me 10/10 mad, but then you say "5/5 butthole" and I can calm down! :D
Every time she had to take your mother's abuse and disrespect, she was doing you a favor. And you don't even have the balls to stand up for her and you claim to love her
It's not necessarily true that OP could afford the vacation, she was stranded! The family took OP somewhere far away and then booted her out. OP may not have had the means to comfortably afford to travel, but now she was put in a position where she _had_ to pay. Accomodations for those days may have been cheaper than buying a plane ticket home.
Wait a minute. OP in the first story remained "somewhat cordial" to those who betrayed him, but couldn't bear to look at the innocent daughter for long? Wow. Talking about taking it out on the wrong person...
Story 1) I love how they're mad that their lies got exposed, what exactly did they *expect* was going to happen? That OP would just hold onto it and take the lie to his grave? And the fact that they lied to their child to save face is really disturbing. OP gets 0 points, Lily gets 0 points, the ex and OP's brother get 5 points. Story 2) Sounds like you need to put your foot down and tell your fiance that either he starts setting boundaries with his mom and telling her to act just as cordial as you're expected to be or you're gone. Because you didn't start the incident, your MIL has basically demanded that you change for *her* taste. If your fiance cares about you at all, he will tell his mother to back off and stop being such a momma's boy. No one wants to marry a momma's boy. If he can't accept that and respect you, then it's time to break it off before the 'I do's' are exchanged. OP gets 0 points, the fiance gets 2.5 points, the mother gets 3.5 points. Story 3) How the hell is your husband not on your side? Your SIL disrespected your private property after being told *not* to mess with it, so he's literally going to take her side because she's a blood relation? What about the fact that it was literally tossed out in the open that you *just* told her not to sit on it and she did it anyway? You get 0 points, your husband gets 2 points, your SIL gets 2.5 points. Story 4) What an absolutely disgusting family. If that's what everyone agrees on in the family, then whatever, but absolutely do *not* shove that mindset on guests that you are bringing along with you on vacation. Your guests are not your servants, learn to do things for yourself or don't go on vacation. OP gets 0 points, the family can not force them to go home if they can fend for themselves since they don't own the resort. Meg's family gets 4.5 points for being classist assholes. 'Traditional' my left asscheek, most people use that excuse to be lazy losers imo.
The last story struck a nerve with me. When I was a nanny I went to Florida with the family I worked for. They made it sound like I was getting a free vacation. In reality, they stranded me in the condo with the kids who had little to no toys to play with and it was too hot to take them out to play. I didn’t have transportation so we couldn’t go to the beach. I got a couple of hours for a break each day and my meals were paid for, but I didn’t get paid a dime for that trip. They conned me into free labor. Obviously I don’t work for them anymore.
Also for the second story when her fiance told her :" you need to grow thick skin " op should've responded loudly :" you need to grow a spine mommas boy" ..
The last story. I have been cooking for my family(I like to cook)3-4 meals a day for 11-12 people on our annual trip to a resort area.The choice to cook is mine because I like cooking. My mom pays for everything on this trip but the grocery list and meal plan prep takes 10 or more hours and the cooking for the week is 30-40 hrs(the kitchen makes it take longer). That entitled family have no idea how much it would cost them to pay someone to do the job they expected those girls to do but I bet it is more than the cost of that ticket.
First story: WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW. It's one thing to basically cheat on your spouse like that, but holy shit, they went the whole nine yards of awful in spinning this story that puts the blame on the person who got cheated on like that. That is BEYOND disgusting.
1st story: Op shouldn't even have to ask Aita. Holy hell, that is so so so mean of his ex and brother and downright disgusting.. 2nd story: NTA. Seriously, how is op being childish when the mom is a saint and "not malicious"…? Absolute bs. Not my place to say, but I wouldn't have any problem with op leaving that whole family in the dust..
Third story : It's YOUR swing. Her brother better be buying another one to replace it if she isn't willing to pay it back. Especially if he takes her side.
Story 2: If I hear "learn to have thick skin" one more time I'm gonna throw something. Some people are just sensitive man, and even_then_ that's not what's happening here. His mom is just being a (something that I can't say here, but it's _very_ bad.)
I notice something recently. People who would say the same thing to excuse their "jokes" or "truths and honest facts", is extremely thin skinned themselves. They give you the some spiteful words and/or actions, then you give them a response back that they don't like. They'll throw you some of the tamper-tantrums that a "thick skinned" person would have, and say you're the (butt)hole. Yeah, F(orget) them.
Similar to story 3. There recently was a story about a big woman complaining about being over there weight limit of riding some horses. It’s one thing to break a swing, it’s another to injure a horse.
Story 1: Should have sued the ex and the brother for emotional trauma and expenses incurred during pregnancy and any time after her birth before the truth was known. Of course they didn't tell her their dark secret. Now she knows the truth and thats the best "revenge" you could ask for.
First story, I gotta say ESH except for Lily, to a degree. Obviously the parents are the AH for what they did and the lies. But I gotta give OP 0.5/5 AH score, for giving preferential treatment to your other nieces and nephews. Especially since OP even stated they know it's not her fault, but still treated her worse. Was originally going to give OP a higher score, but they redeemed themselves a bit in the update. And yes, I get it was recommended by the therapist, but think about what Lily went through because of OP's actions while she grew up, and what her parents told her.
@LLandS18 It is though, and I certainly try to treat my niece and nephews the same, even if they are my step-family. Not being obligated doesn't absolve you of AH behavior. He's basically punishing her for her parents actions.
@@AzureKyle or hear me out. He's not responsible for his niece because it's not his biological child and for his own mental health he had to cut those people out. He's not responsible for his nieces and nephews. End of discussion.
I have three words for the first story: “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!” Seriously though. It’s good that the therapist advised OP to go no contact [for a while] for the sake of his mental health.
That third story makes me so enraged. I would straight up tell her, "You're going to buy me the same thing you just broke or I'm going to make you do it with a lawyer." As for the husband, "You take her side, the ring comes off and you're out by the dawn."
The second story I feel needs more context regarding the bf. Unless I missed something, it sounds like the bf didn't know about the second cake at all, otherwise I feel like he would have said something beforehand. Seems like a failure to communicate more than malice. He probably was trying to prevent a scene right at the start of the party. At least that's how I interpreted that
I wondered that too. If mil hosts the party, it would be normal to expect mil to provide the cake unless everyone agrees otherwise. It didn't sound like op offered to make the cake, just that she decided to. The way it was handled when she showed up wasn't right, everyone could have been kinder about it, but if she didn't give a heads up about bringing the cake she's partly at fault.
@@ArtyMcKenzie he knew about OPs cake, but we don't know if he knew about his mother's cake. His mother could have done it as a surprise behind his back. It's not clarified
First story: 1/5 AH score for OP, 0 out of 5 for the niece, 5/5 for the cheaters. The only reason OP would get a 1/5 and not a zero is that, in my opinion, he's taking it out on his niece, someone who had nothing to do with her parents transgressions, and is just a byproduct of what happened.
The last story reminds me of a wedding where I was asked to do some "light help in carrying dishes" but it turned out that the catering service delivering some produce thought that I was a pro chef and server, even though I told them I wasn't. I managed by some miracle not to poison anyone but the kitchen in the hired reception facility was extremely tiny (not even enough room for two people at one time), and by the end of the night there was empty plates and glasses on the trays all over the floor so it was impossible to navigate. I of course got paid under the table, significantly less than the workload actually required. I thought I would only be stacking dishes and loading the dishwasher, but I actually ended up prepping and serving food with zero experience.
Honestly, poor swing OP's son as well. If I got my mum something really nice and expensive and its the first personal gift that wasnt just like a pair of socks, and then someone destroys it and gives the defense "its just x" Id blow up at them.
Story 2: The Cake - The mom purchased the cake with money. OP made her cake with love. The fiancé chose the money cake. He dismissed the effort and love that OP put into the cake, choosing to place his mother's store bought one. OP needs to dump him and move on to someone who can appreciate when someone does something nice for them.
I think the SIL that broke the chair is a way bigger A than people are making it because she didn't even offer to replace what she broke (and the BBW that eat on camera make a lot of money) after seeing the packaging. It's not even to make it right with OP, it's to make it right to her nephew who spent his hard earned money to get his m something nice. I would feel like crap if I broke my nephew expensive gift for his mom.
3rd story. As a pretty obese woman I am full aware of my body mass and I never, ever, would sit on something with a weight limit under my own weight that doesn‘t belong to me! This makes me mad. This is why sometimes heavy people get harassed, because of people like this. Your weight is your responsibility, even if it‘s not your fault, which in some cases might be true, not for me, and you have to be aware of that. It‘s just common courtesey! For example, in an overly full train, don‘t sit next so someone if you are big enough for two seats. Just stand or look for another seat. And stand up for ill, olderly and mothers, even if it‘s difficult. Gosh does that make me angry. She deserved to be shamed. Not for her weight but for her ignorance.
When it comes to the first story I have to know what did the family say when the ex fiance married the brother with a child?! We're no questions asked? Like dude was gonna marry her how did this not get talked about
