With that newborn story: sounds like the mom is dealing with some kind of attachment issues. Sounds like an anxious attachment, if she won't even let go of her daughter for a few minutes, not even trusting her husband. I know it's scary to be a new parent, but this is an extreme. She needs a therapist.
They should have gone to see someone long before this situation happened. It's one thing for a new mom to be a little over protective, this is down right dangerous
She has severe post partum depression and anxiety which happens extremely often, she does need therapy but the dad did a horrible thing. Instead of having her get help, because this is a serious problem, he ignored it, he ignored his wife being in obvious distress just because he thought she was being crazy and wanted to hold his daughter.
@@flamingdeathbanana Disagree. He needs to get his wife help. Locking the door and letting her have a meltdown instead of getting her the mental help she needs is a real asshole move. Plus, her condition is dangerous for the baby.
@@flamingdeathbanana 4 out of 5 because he didn't get his sick wife a doctor and he freaked out an already freaked out mentally ill person. He shouldn't be hiding he should be bringing her to the hospital.
Unfortunately parents with disabled children often get so caught up in the disabled childs struggles that they neglect their non-disabled children. Not wanting your husband to get sexually harrassed on your wedding day is a perfectly reasonable level of selfish.
I heard the story and my first thought was that after the wedding the parents would be like "let your sister sleep with your husband she wants to have a baby too. Plus YOU will have to raise it so this is best for everyone." Yeah the parents are the aholes here.
@@2MeterLP they also called it a level of selfishness which its not so how about you read before you comment its not selfish at all to not want to be sexually assaulted
Second story: so what if shes pregnant? When youre living under someones roof rent free you dont get to bitch about anything. If she wasnt in a great financial place (that is considering she was evicted shortly before the pregnancy) she shouldnt even considered having a kid.
Saying your pregnant is just a way to guilt people into keeping you with them since some people see it as they are kicking out a soon to be mother/ have another child and would feel too guilty to just let them out
@@thecat6898 i will be so sorry for the kid when he/she aint straight knowing the mom ugh this is why parenting need to be licensed edit: i just realized that they dont have their own home and she is expecting a child how is this even logically good
Final story: I have no patience with or empathy with the parents. Yes, they have a severely disabled child. But the world doesn't revolve around that child. The sister getting married is NOT responsible for her sister -- period, amen, no discussion. Not on her wedding day, not when the parents die, not any time between. She has her own life. It is up to the parents to figure out a life plan for their disabled daughter -- and they should have been working that plan for the past 21 years. Honestly, OP, if your parents can't deal with that, then stick with NC. Do NOT let them guilt you into ANYTHING. You've done your time. Live your life and be happy and guilt-free! I'm sorry you'll lose your family over this, but you truly do NOT have to become your sister's lifelong keeper.
@@CatacombD its honestly neglect when parents will not explain sex, relationships, and consent to autistic children bc they infantalize the disability. Ur spot on that they should hv been planning for her adulthood way before now. I'd bet she lacks many skills she could have by now, bc if the parents just decided she's completely incapable of understanding physical boundaries, what else have they just written off and not even tried to bridge the skill gap of?
Especially since someone with autism can learn to understand and respect boundaries you just have to be consistent in your teachings and make sure you're doing it in a way they can understand/learn it's clear the parents have the mindset of "oh autism means my daughter can't understand anything so we won't teach her to understand anything" which is incredibly harmful to both of their daughters
@@witchycakez exactly. my older brother (I'm 23, he's 26 and we were both adopted separately if that matters) is autistic but leans sightly more towards seeming neurotypical (for example he has physical and verbal "tics", has basically a new interest every day, shuts down if he gets too frustrated at someone asking him to do things, etc, but he also has a part time job, lives away from home (currently with 3 other special needs men and they have staff there daily), cooks, does chores, etc). my parents, in my opinion, have done a great job of raising him. they handle his money so they make sure he has some spending money, but also have savings/retirement account money set aside. we have a family friend who's an accountant and his godmother's husband who will take care of his finances if anything happens to our parents. of course things can be frustrating and it can seem like you might never get a point across to him, but if you just take the time to explain something to him, he generally understands. a recent example is that I drove him and my mom somewhere, and he sat in the back seat. my car (2006 Impala in not-so-great shape) has a squeaky/creaky door on the driver's side, and he kept making fun of it, and I asked him to stop several times, but eventually I gently said, "please stop it. you know my car isn't doing so well, and I can't afford a new(er) car right now. it makes me upset when you make fun of it - I _know_ the door is squeaky. you wouldn't like it if I made fun of (example I can't remember), would you?" and he stopped. people really just need to learn how to communicate with disabled people, and it really makes a world of difference in how they respond. tldr: my parents have done a great job of raising my older, autistic brother, and over the years I've learned how to get my point across to him, usually by appealing to empathy. neurotypicals need to learn how to interact with disabled people
As the younger sibling to a disabled child, this. I lost too much of my childhood to caring for my sister. When my parents were writing their will I told them I would, under no uncertain terms, care for my sister. When I bought a house they asked how I'd ramp it and I reminded them that I wouldn't because I wasn't responsible for my sister. They finally got it, but it took multiple times telling them. In the end the will was written that my brother and I will have joint decision making power over her trust, however, if one of us takes her in, the other becomes the primary trust decision maker to ensure no funny business. But I already sacrificed years of my childhood. I'm not going to sacrifice any of my adulthood.
My mother wants to tell the mom with a child who's diabetic: Given the teacher's attitude at the grocery store, it is obvious she still didn't understand how serious the situation was. And that means that the teacher will most likely do it again, and *that* child might end up in a coma--or worse. Personally, I would have taken this up with the school board and warned them what a danger she is to the students. It is up to the board whether they ban her from teaching in their district again.
That wife sounds like she has pretty severe post partum depression and anxiety. She needs to go to the doctor ASAP. I hope she gets the help she needs. Unfortunately it's just now something that people are widely being made aware and of and it's something the OBYN should have gone over with the parents to watch for.
@@funisinfinite. honestly I think its because he's uniformed about what she's going through. He doesn't understand the severity of it or how to handle it.
@@kalynshafer751 I agree. It sounds to me like he’s trying to be patient but is frustrated and overwhelmed and at the end of his rope. I think he deserves a butthole score but not a 4/5, personally
@@carsonheschle642 see but in the same vain, think about the mental toll the wife’s actions are having in the husband that he had to go this far . If he gets a butthole score then so does the wife . Mental health issues don’t excuse endangering a child and being terrible to her husband
@@izraelburgess937 it's a double edged sword. Post partum doesn't just effect your emotions, but also your judgment. She's fixated in her child in a very dangerous way. On the other hand OP is getting anxious and frustrated because he can't bond with his daughter. The worse she gets, the worse he gets until someone does something extreme.
Re: No sister at my wedding OP is 100% normal for siblings of disabled people where the disabled person was spoiled and/or the parent’s priority in childhood. I see this all the time working with families. The parents screwed up here, not OP or sister. It sucks, because sister of course deserves to be loved and cared for and given all the opportunities to live a full life. But her existence was treated as more important than OP’s creating a distrust, possibly a hatred or even PTSD if the meltdowns were bad enough. I’ve never seen a sibling relationship heal from this. Honestly the fact that OP seems to be on the right track in life is a miracle. Usually, these pushed aside siblings end up in dangerous situations and have extreme mental health problems. Childhood signs of this happening are the disabled sibling getting away with everything, the able sibling being a co-caregiver for their sibling, the disabled sibling being treated as a baby while the abled treated like a little adult, the abled sibling being either a straight A overachiever or a major trouble maker (attention seeking behavior), and the abled child being rude/mean or showing dislike for their sibling. OP gets 0/5 here. She’s doing the best she can to deal with a sister her parents never gave her the opportunity to love. Sister gets 0/5. She needs help, and her parents clearly don’t see that. Parents get 5/5. They spoiled their disabled child out of pity and blame their able bodied child for finding this upsetting when it affects her. A classic sigh that they treat their disabled child like a miracle and their abled child like a demon. And the worst part is, it’s too late to fix
I’m a victim of this my sister is bodily disabled I have trauma and anxiety from the way parents and even teacher treated us so differently, I was a caregiver for her in lots of people eyes and my sister used to lash out on me when she didn’t get her way. The problem with situation like that is that nobody get a good bargain at the end, my sister used to be spoiled and isn’t as independent as she could be and my ADHD and dyslexia went undiagnosed. Parents, teacher and family members/friends need to start treating every kid the same. Accommodation doesn’t mean privilege and bad behaviour pass, it means help.
5/5 seems too extreme a score. Like you are comparing the actions of the parents to literal child endangerment like in the first story. Of course they are still assholes. No getting around that. But 5/5 just seems too much to me. I'd say at most 4/5, but that is only if the parents are unapologetic about their obvious favoritism. Otherwise, I think rslash's score of 3/5 sounds pretty accurate a score since the parents seems sure of themselves to give Anna pretty much the whole world and not once consider OPs feelings.
I am someone with a disability, and I gotta say, if my parents spoiled me the way you describe, I probably wouldn't have turned out the same way, with a stable job, living on my own, independent financially, etc. My future probably would have had a way different picture if my parents were more lenient with me. They gave me consequences when I screwed up and I am a better person for it.
Oh man, this comment made me think of that murder case in the US earlier this year where a young girl (14 I think?) murdered her older disabled sister. This comment really makes you wonder if what you describe probably was her reasoning for carrying out such a horrific act.
Final AITA: A child being disabled does not give the parent the reason to excuse all of their behaviors. I'm surprised OP's parents were constantly brushing off the harassment the sister was doing.
As someone with autism, Anna's behavior around someone else's so is disgusting. Op doesn't deserve to be Anna's caretaker, and their parents sound like they treat Anna as the golden child just because she has autism. She needs to learn boundaries. I blame the parents for not teaching her this.
The parent's are in the wrong, they should have gotten proper help for her regardless of her age. Plus OP said she put aside her life until she turned 18 proves Anna was the golden child for being autistic. I'm autistic and that's not ok on any level. I've been called out for my behavior before (granted I was much younger) but I learned what was right and wrong and know not to act like that
As an autistic person myself I can somewhat understand the not understanding ones own emotions, but that’s what therapists are for. There are professionals that are specialists for that kind of thing. Anna is basically being enabled and treated like the golden child instead of getting proper treatment and help to cope with her disability. OP is right she shouldn’t have to put her own life aside for the sake of the “golden child”. The parents are complete idiots if they think that their child should be immune to the consequences of her actions and expect OP to do the same. But the part that infuriates me the most is that line about Anna not ever going to have a wedding of her own or find anyone to love her, that really infuriates me because they automatically assume that no one will ever love her because she’s disabled. Even if she has a severe case she can get the proper help she needs and lead a rich and productive life. I feel bad for OP that her parents expect her to basically be a shield against consequences for Anna to hide behind, but I also feel bad for Anna who’s basically been conditioned to believe that she can do whatever she wants and expect there to be no consequences whatsoever for her actions and she can basically use her disability as an excuse to get away with anything, and that she’s completely helpless and will never live a rich productive life.
@@undeadprincess5726 too often I see parents doing the whole "they are autistic so they don't know any better!" excuse, but then every time someone says "don't do that" or "stop doing that", the parents swoop in and tell them it's okay to keep doing it so they never actually learn to stop doing these things they aren't supposed to do. I'm willing to bet just about anything that if the parents stopped saying everything is okay to do, she'd stop immediately.
Someone needs to tell her how dangerous diabetes is. Kids have to eat at certain times to keep their blood sugar at a normal level. Complications from diabetes can lead to death in some situations. Is that teacher seriously thinking that it's entitled if the child dies because she wouldn't let her eat a snack?
That last story... very valid concerns regarding when she has children. My brother (late 20’s) is on the spectrum and he’s crossed boundaries with my teenage daughter. Its a sad reality that we do need to protect our children from people that can’t comprehend what’s right and wrong.
First story (speaking as someone in childcare): It's one thing to make the mistake once as a new teacher. Maybe she didn't read the 504, or it slipped her mind in the stress of teaching. But after getting a warning and repeating the same mistake, now THAT is a no-no. PS Not saying it was okay the first time for her to do that, just that she had a chance to make up for the mistake and made no effort to do so.
From experience, there is every chance that the new teacher had been specifically told by senior leadership not to let any students eat in her lesson, I was once called into an office because Ilet a student, who was going blind, leave the room to get the glasses he had left in a previous class.
i'm a type 1 diabetic and, when a teacher doesnt let me eat a snack or drink my juice i just walk out the class with my sandwich without even asking. They legally can't do anything lol.
@@nocomment6561 Yeah admin doesn't like to share that information. I'm finding out that some of my students have IEPs now, 2 and a half months into the school year. Apparently that wasn't important enough for me to have been informed until now, but if a parent complains that I'm not following an IEP's requirements, I'm the one who's on the hook for it.
Baby story: I gotta say, I wouldn't have let her in the room while shes crying and screaming. I was abused my mom and as a kid she would do similar shit and when I got myself behind a door there was not a single force on the earth that would have gotten me to open the door until I was good and ready and I had experience with it. It makes perfect sense that, as someone with no experience with that, the OP didn't open the door. Even discounting that, I'm not hard pressed to believe that the mother would had tried to wrench the baby from his hold the moment he opened the door. Which is obviously dangerous because newborn babies are fucking fragile. It's probably for the best he kept that door closed but he probably should have called an ambulance or something because it kinda sounds like she has severe ppd and desperately needs mental help
I agree, that woman needed a padded cell, not a tiny baby to crush. I don't wanna hear any bullshit either because I have way more mental problems after having lost my two babies. At least her kid is still alive, but for how long when she obviously needs a months rest ?? How the hell can she be so effing selfish to not allow the father any rights to bond with his much loved child ?? Her and her mother need to be in a padded room 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
There is sadly a fine line between having a medical issue and being bat shit crazy. The mother here sounded like she was crazy. You know your child is in the room with your spouse, so why do you need to scream kick and cry? If anything that's going to scare the child, and id be scared to let her near the kid as well for fear she would harm the kid. I don't think that's something being taken into account here. I don't think OP is a butt, but I think the mother needs to get therapy ASAP.
@@x-virus_gaming9746 but that's the thing, medical issues DO make you feel that way, mental medical issues. Pregnancy does a fuck ton of physical and mental damage and honestly the wife's hyperfixation on the baby reminds me of cases of OCD where people believe not doing a certain thing or keeping certain things in check means that they or family members will be hurt or DIE. she needs serious mental help ASAP before something happens like the baby gets sick and she can't put them down long enough to get treatment
The dad isn't a 4 out of 5 a-hole. Maybe he's 2 or a 3. The baby isn't just his wife's daughter. Is he an a hole for locking the door but he shouldn't have to beg to spend time with his own daughter. Yes the mother is going thru some serious issues that she needs help with but even then depriving her husband and daughter time to bond isn't right.
@@gwanael34 People seem to somehow gloss over the fact that while she could indeed have "mental problems" those same mental problems could also lead to her harming the baby
I don't think the score is about him wanting to spend time with his kid, it's about how he did it and not seeking help for his wife who clearly needs help.
She most definitely has separation anxiety and other mental issues. But still, the husband should know how much she freaks out when the baby isn’t with her. I think he could have done something besides literally taking the baby while the mother was sleeping and also having an anxiety attack. Bc that definitely made everything worse. Now she won’t ever trust the husband again and will be traumatized from the experience and it may even affect the baby later. Just think he should have thought about it first.
For the first story: Diabetics can actually even die when they have hypoglycemia. It depends how low their blood sugar is and if they do something about it. And I love your content. Thank you for making my train rides more enjoyable🤗😁
Final story: Ah, yes. The classic "man is uncomfortable and sets boundaries but others tell him to "just deal with it"" story. The parents are the asswholes. OP it's gonna suck that they're gonna miss your wedding, but they clearly show who they care more for. You were basically the carer and they didn't enjoy hearing the truth. If they think you should tolerate someone touching and trying to kiss your FUTURE HUSBAND on your literal WEDDING then they're a lost cause.
I'll say he went about it the wrong way, it can't be scary when anyone else has your baby and you don't, that's just a normal part of the new mom life. Now I'm not a doctor by any means but I do recognize the signs. What the wife has sounds like a severe case of postpartum anxiety and it's focused towards the baby. Which can be VERY dangerous, not because she would necessarily hurt the baby or anything but because she would do something drastic like run away in the middle of the night and not tell anyone where she goes
Honestly I can’t completely let the wife off the hook because her having violent meltdowns like this is not only harmful to the baby but hurtful towards OP. I’d honestly try to keep the baby away from her until she gets her problems solved for the safety of the baby.
@@AFAskygoddess dude. I'm making a point. On how this woman's mind is likely working in the moment. Yes this guy is the father. But in her mind he is anyone else, should he be? No! Of course not! He's the father. But her mind is warped! She's not seeing reason You need to stop nitpicking people's words when you know the point they're trying to make. I'm looking at this from my own point of view because I, myself, am a mother
@@DarcOne13 apologize, never say anything about being gay to my son and I'll give you a week to pack. Only because from personal experience I wouldn't feel safe max might have idk but I wouldn't. I don't feel safe staying with family that's homophobic that know I'm pan, Poly and trans I feel a lot lot safer with my mum who doesn't understand but does support me. My dad doesn't support and i personally don't feel safe staying at his place (my mum and dad split) it took my step mum to get my dad to sign papers so I could change my name. Either way what the mum did was right your child is your first and most important priority your child becomes before you partner married or not and any family. Sorry for this being so long I didn't expect it to be lol
I would've reported to the education department so the school will get in trouble as well The teacher will permanently lose her teaching licence and the school will be put on record, so they'll likely sue that teacher for damages
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 Because a lot of parents don’t support their kids if they aren’t straight. Like idk what you thought you were doing with your remark.
@KhronosPlays I was just hoping for some clarity :p Blep I wasn't really talking about that though 🤔 😕 😐 😒 😅 😬 I was wondering what that has to do with anything
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 I mean I don’t really know what you needed clarity on? It has to do with it because it was a pivotal part of the story, even OP said it was.
That last story: yeah they're not wrong, and they raise a good point about the safety of their own future kids. Unfortunately that's absolutely a risk when someone is this mentally delayed--sometimes people can develop a sexual drive without developing the faculties to process things like adulthood vs childhood or how boundaries work. I understand why the parents wouldn't want to hear it but there's some places they can't take their daughter and that should be the end of it.
Do you not understand what autism is? It's not "sexual assault" if you have no concept of sexuality. Get parents need to control her, but calling her a sex pervert isn't correct or helpful
@@topperharley2593 I have an autistic brother, And even still if she's autistic its *still* sexual assault. I get with disabled individuals it's hard to teach them but her parents could have done something to prevent her from putting her hands on her sister's husband.
@@topperharley2593 it is correct though. You cannot dismiss that it is, even if it came from someone who is disabled it’s still sexual assault. If a person with a sex drive but no idea what to do with it still initiates unwanted sexual actions to someone else, yes it’s sad to say but it’s also still sexual assault. Please change your thought process, it’s really negative and it just sounds like you’re defending this kind of behaviour. Children sometimes don’t understand that the things they do is wrong, does that make it right? No. No it doesn’t. Not understanding doesn’t make it right in any way shape or form.
Last Story: while I’m not severely disabled like OP sister is, I have severe tics that only get worse depending on my mood. I’m talking crazy jerking and cursing. If someone requested I did not attend their wedding (has happened: a cousin marrying a conservative man asked I didn’t attend the church service) I would understand! There’s no excuse for ruining someone’s special day, especially when it could be easily avoided. I ended up just watching the service live and attending the reception. What OP parents are doing would be enough for me to cut them out of my life permanently.
Last story: everyone needs something to themselves every once in awhile. It honestly sounds like op has had to take care of her almost nonstop for the years, having very little, if any time to themselves EDIT: to anyone who needs this, it's perfectly ok to be selfish from time to time
That can actually be really damaging to a child's mental health. Kids do not need the responsibility of being a guardian of a disabled sibling who needs special care. That's too much pressure, too much responsibility and prevents them from experiencing their own childhood. Some may disagree with this, but I assure you it's a real topic being discussed in the mental health world. What happens if something goes wrong? They get injured or even violent, and the only person watching them is a child? Children under 18 are not equipped to deal with such a situation. They aren't ready to deal with a special needs child (much less adult).
Sounds, too, like the parents have given up trying to properly care for Anna and are coming to the realization that this is the rest of their lives. My sister is very similar to Anna, and you have to CONSTANTLY be on her reminding her to be appropriate. It's exhausting, for sure, but... it is what it is. Both Michael and OP have a right to their boundaries EVERY day, and especially on the wedding day. OP's concerns and feelings are valid.
@@PunakiviAddikti I wholly agree with you. From the age of 10 to 21, my parents (mostly my mother) expected me to "help" with the caretaking of my brothers. This lead to many days where she'd leave for hours on end to do shopping while I stayed home to babysit. My mom also expected that I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone every single day. In high-school, my friends stopped asking me to hang out with them because my mom always had plans and needed me to watch my brothers. I was also expected to take care of the animals, do the dishes, help with laundry, and any other cleaning pertaining to the household. I can't tell you how much this caused me to develope depression and anxiety, all because my mom was raising me to be the domestic "stay-at-home" wife/mom. I lost years, from middle school through parts of college, of my own personal life. I'm now living with my partner 3,000 miles away from my family. I hate being so far away from my siblings, because part of me is still that maternal figure that helped raise them. But I needed my own life for once. That shouldn't be too hard to ask, right? At least my father understood my need to move out on my own. I still don't think my mom fully understands my reasoning.
I wanna know what the parents were going to do that stop this girl from sexually harassing this man. It’s one thing if they’re trying to stop it but have been unsuccessful it’s another if they don’t do any thing just let it happen and tell OP and her husband to live with it.
That mom falling asleep with the baby in her arms comment sent shivers down my spine from bringing back an event I remember happening a few years back. A mother had fallen asleep with her newborn in her arms while she was, from what I was told, sorta sitting upright on the couch. When she slumped a bit it was enough to basically cover the nose and mouth of the infant and if her other young son didn’t go grab dad right away in the next room it could have ended in tragedy. He came in to see the infant wiggling around with its face totally covered. That mother, to her massive credit, didn’t try to hide the mistake from anyone but instead went on a mission to tell other new moms what and how it happened to make them aware of the possibility. But DAMN was that horrifying just to consider!! 😵😳😟🥺😢
First story: OP was _incredibly_ reasonable in contacting the teacher and trying to clear things up as "just a misunderstanding" to _avoid_ the teacher being penalised. Recording the phone call was a smart move and it meant that a) the teacher couldn't argue that it never happened and b) covered the school's ass by having a record of previous events. If anything, the teacher got off easy; if it were me I'd have gone straight to the principal after the first violation.
It sounded more like she called and berated the teacher for not doing her job properly. Personally, I don't think it's weird for the teacher to be upset about it, BUT there was absolutely no reason it should have ever happened again. That's also assuming that the teacher didn't know/understand the situation.
Last Story: As someone who knew a boy with down syndrome- he would try to hug girls, which we didn't have a problem with, but he started to smack their butts or try to kiss them. The school raised hell about it, understandable, but also no one ever corrected his behavior or tried to explain why it's not ok. In the story op posted she HAS tried to correct and stop the behavior. She has every right to ask the parents to keep Anna away. Or to watch the live stream. They are being selfish towards the soon to be married couple.
This happened at my elementary school! The kid was held back so was a foot taller than everyone else, and he sexually assaulted many of the girls. the teachers didn't believe us, even the female principal said we were all lying. It was really horrible :-(
@@ukchanak ye my Amma used to babysit this kid Jaylen his dad said he was two but he was very clearly 4 or 5 and one day we were all outside when he went up and grabbed my aunt's butt we then stopped babysitting him
I knew a disabled kid in elementary school, I think he has Down’s syndrome, one time I was walking in the hallway, and he was walking with his aid, I think I said hi, and he pulled my hair! His aide immediately stepped in, convinced him to let go, told him no, and apologized, I think they said that I probably reminded him of his sister. Idk why that memory feels so clear in my head lol.
“Crazy dad steals kid” 1st of all she doesn’t put the baby down when sleeping? No matter what the circumstance is you shouldn’t sleeping with you’re Child on you all the time, the chances of crushing the many suffocation, 1st basic hygiene is important in general never mind a newborn baby that’s vulnerable to illness, assuming the baby is breast feeding then she need to keep herself well rested and well feed to allow her breast milk to flow easier. And its crucial bonding time for the dad as well, given the circumstance in which he did it is oof but it had to be done, she needs time and therapy immediately!
No. He's an asshole because of how he did it. He wasn't doing this as an intervention. He was doing it out of selfishness. She is probably going through post partum depression, and he needs to take her to the doctor.
@@emsmith. well she definitely needs help however I feel the title “crazy dad” is way too misleading. Like this guy is obviously desperate as HE CANT HOLD HIS OWN CHILD
If she has anxiety that something will happen to the baby, how is he helping anything by taking the baby while she's asleep so that she will wake up to a missing child? Now she's not going to trust him with the baby even if she gets help. T least not fully
The last story: so they are just going to allow their daughter to harass OP's husband? Telling him to deal with it? WTF Sounds like OP has already given up a lot to take care of her sister.
You can bet that the sister will have a fit during the ceremony when the husband and OP kiss… or she would interrupt it to try and kiss and marry the husband.
@@starbird3939 or sprint up to try to kiss him at the alter. I don't see parents like these bothering to even try to keep her under control. Just "she disabled let her run wild!" Shameful
@@starbird3939 Priest: If anyone believes these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your p- OP's parents and sister: Allow us to introduce ourselves
For the dad story, As someone who has the majority of my family (and I’m planning) in the medical field. The wife definitely has postpartum depression and needs help like now!
@@bonil973 I agree with the fact that the wife really needs help but the way people are finding ways to blame the father is honestly disgusting. They just had a baby and he isn’t even allowed to hold her without his wife having a full blown meltdown. Being completely unable to hold your baby without being subjected to screaming and crying isn’t going to be good on your mental health and this father is probably going through a lot being made to feel like he’s a monster every time he wants to hold their daughter. Why is it that we can address the wife’s struggles and give her enough validity to excuse something that could have resulted in her actually suffocating the baby and abusing her husband, because this is borderline alienation at this point, but we crucify the husband for doing something that actively protects the baby? They’re BOTH suffering, and we cannot expect the husband to be able to identify the exact problem and fix it in his unwell state just like we can’t expect the wife to do the same. PPD and anxiety are absolutely no joke, but there are ways we can encourage people to get their partners help without scolding them for not knowing, especially when the unwell partner is subjecting them to unhealthy circumstances. The mother’s unwell state does not excuse her, it only explains her actions, and her husband did the right thing in recognizing that leaving their baby in the arms of any unconscious person could have devastating results. Either they’re both in the wrong or neither of them are, suffering is not a competition and we need to remember that goes both ways.
@@harrypotter2700 agree, the poor dude is propably out of his mind as well but since his wife gave birth she can do no wrong and its all on him, no matter what is his mental state is. there you can see equality going out of the window. the father shouldve handled things way differently, no question but he to cant get out of his skin and think beyond what he can think, he couldnt hold his baby and the way the mother is acting he is looking into a future where he will never be able to do that because she isnt showing any signs of softening up. but please. taking half a second to think about what he must feel, being thrown into a situation where he feels he will never hold his baby, noooo we cant do that, men gotta take responsibility and be greater than their emotions and mental health... such a fucking joke, and then they wonder why there is men who lock up all their emotions and look down on women because they cant/wont do the same
With the newborn story, I don't think OP deserves that high of a score. Maybe like 1 or 2 for being clueless and how off that can seem, but to give the guy 4 out of 5 for wanting to spend time with his own kid just doesn't seem fair
@@mscaligurl76 We don't know his wifes personality or anything about her. She could be a possesive psycho for all we know. It baffles me that so many people like you didn't consider the fact that he didn't realise his wife could be sick. He's not an AH for not being able to fix whatever is wrong with his wife when he doesn't even know if there is anything wrong with her.
@@peterpieterssen36 I was clarifying what his point was. I have no idea about these people. I feel sorry for the baby because the situation sounds dysfunctional. 😕
I know rSlash didn't mean anything bad by this, but just a friendly reminder to everyone, being gay is not a 'lifestyle,' (which insinuates choice) it's an orientation :)
I am kinda disappointed that op didn't turn to that teacher and say "well maybe next time, try not to kill my diabetic child" loud enough so everyone near them can hear. That teacher deserves more bad karma to be honest. Imagine how many children with needs she might have mistreated.
The sister story, OP's parents are the aholes. Just because Anna doesn't understand, your feelings and boundaries should still be considered. Anna isn't being harmed or put in danger, it's OK. My sister is autistic and I work with severe special needs children. It's important to have patience and compassion, but when it comes to problematic or disruptive behavior, it should be handled in a productive, healthy way with realistic goals that takes the individual's and the people around them into consideration.
For real! I can't imagine what parents would just be like "omg who cares if my kid is sexually assaulting your fiance you and him need to get over it" talk about insane!
I'm on the spectrum myself and I agree. Anna's behaviour isn't healthy, and should've handled properly. But OP's parents are instead enabling it, blaming OP for not wanting to deal with a obvious spoiled girl like her sister anymore, and acting like OP chose her husband over her family; That last one isn't entirely false: OP really chose a healthy relationship with her husband, instead of a toxic gaslighting relationship with her parents enabling her sister on her expense.
sounds like they just want Micheal to get used to being anna's support animal so the stress will be minimal when they dump her on him and op when they get too old to look after her.
Kinda sounds like they want Anna to be the bride…. Like she’d be wearing the full dress when they showed up, and then what? OP’s just supposed to step aside? The parents are fully aware this isn’t normal, but obviously want Anna to be able to “play pretend”. It would only hurt Anna more in the long run if they really forced OP to be okay with this, not even to mention the bride and grooms’ wedding being ruined.
Yeah, I work with kids (not special needs specific, but we do have special needs kids) and today I was offered the possibility of a permanent position (starting next school year in Feb) to quite literally take care of ONE severely autistic little boy when he starts kindergarten... I met him today and holy crap he is a crazy kid. He's sooo cute but a big concern with him is that he's a runner... so if a parent "accidentally" leaves a school gate open, he will bolt because he thinks its hilarious to have an adult chase him. So I will quite literally just be paid to watch him and prevent him from getting hurt.
21-22 yr old females AND males definitely want to hug and kiss people they feel attracted to, not saying its okay for anna to just hug/kiss everyone, but everyone has sensual/sexual thoughts from time to time, even people with disabilities, she just doesnt understand the right way to go about those feelings
Oh no, it is normal. Just not normal to do it to people without consent Also based on the Story, she's been taught that anything of OP's is also hers(because you KNOW that's how the parents are) so she sees OP kissing Michael and thinks she gets to as well. Instead of nipping that shit in the bud, the parents just...let it happen.
Well maybe for other people but she has autisme she doesn't have a grasp of what sexe and kissing and stuff is judging buy how op described her. Maybe she is copying op's behaviour, kissing her bf for example.
New mommy story: I have had 3 kids. Your hormones go all whacky right after having a baby, but this is extreme. I would get family involved if you can as well as a doctor. She is harming herself and possibly liable to harm the baby.
Last story: Why has it that the parents haven't gotten op's sister help?! There are ways to teach op's sister when she was younger. There is therapy, support groups, programs, etc out there! I feel they never got her help. Feels like they may have homeschooled her. Hate it when parents cuddle the kid with issues instead of trying to challenge them and get them help. Op isn't her sister's keeper. Her sister seems functional enough to do things herself. She also SHOULD'VE gotten help when younger to figure out what her feelings are and what they mean. Op's parents crippled their daughter.
Ugh the postpartum story gets me. Look, I have an anxiety disorder, and I used to see generalist therapists until about two years back. It worked for me until it didn’t. That’s when I decided to see a specialist for my specific brand of anxiety, OCD. The best thing to do for this disorder is to go through Exposure-Response Prevention, the same technique used to treat phobias. You make a hierarchy of things/situations/etc that make you anxious, ranked on a scale of 0-100, and expose yourself to those items one by one. When you work OCD into it, you might work on just sitting with an intrusive thought or resisting the urge to do a compulsion. The idea is to show you that you can confront the anxiety and live with it and that what you’re worried about will either not happen or happen at a level that is manageable. This is extremely effective in treating anxiety symptoms, but here’s a key rule: YOU DON’T START AT LEVEL 100 (or whatever the highest-ranked item is). You work up to that level. What this guy did was absolutely level 100 for his poor wife. Yes, she does need to understand that if she puts the baby down or lets someone else hold her that nothing will happen, but she needs to work up to that gradually, under the care of a therapist-not by basically going through a simulation of her worst fears right off the bat. So the OP’s last sentence is correct: his frustration is understandable, but that was not the way to handle the situation. He needs to get her help _now_.
@@AmazingAutist It's kinda true. You're choosing that person to be your new #1 for the rest of your life. They are your partner, you're other half. Does that mean you should always choose them over other family? No. If anything you really shouldn't have to choose at all. But you do have to keep in mind that this is the person you chose for the rest of your life.
@@AmazingAutist which is why they should be at the front of your mind. You don't choose the family you were born with but you did choose this person. 2 souls connected as one. Sure if your other half is in the wrong then side with your family if your family is in the wrong then side with the person you committed to spending forever with.
Type 1 diabetic here, being able to eat and take insulin in class is ESSENTIAL. When someone’s blood sugar is low, they can have several symptoms not only that but long lasting issues once they recover. For low blood sugar, you can faint, have seizures, go into comas, etc. That teacher deserved to be fired.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 we have meters in which you take a small sample of blood to test it. Either that or we wear a monitor which gives us a constant testing and sends the numbers to our phone. We do get symptoms when our blood sugars become low but it varies from person to person. Most common ones are shaky hands, sweating, shortness of breath, etc.
Last story: I can guarantee if the genders were reversed, OP’s parents would be tripping over themselves to get Anna mental help since sexually assaulting your sibling’s fiancé isn’t exactly normal at any age.
Sadly, many autistic boys also get away with sexual assault being excused because of being autistic. Btw I’m autistic and am in no way saying that all autistic people are sexual predators, we’re way more likely to victims of sexual assault (about 7 times more likely to be than neurotypicals).
@@robinroryld I'm autistic and hate physical contact. Sex repulses me. I don't know what's wrong with Anna, but I do think she needs professional help. Otherwise she might get arrested one day. Autism is no excuse to be a predator or a jerk.
yeah! her disabilities don't necessarily mean she doesn't know what she's doing. and even if she really doesn't get it, then that needs to be changed instead of just excusing it.
lol when the first story started I was thinking to myself "okay the only reason I can think of that a kid would NEED snacks enough to fire a teacher would be if they were a type 1 diabetic" then they said so! Hypoglycemia can lead to more than just a coma, it can outright kill a person. It's a scary thing to have happen and snacks are the best way to prevent it.
The first story made me remember the time when my teacher refused to let me check my blood sugar during class. Why? I have no idea. I had to stand in the corner for the rest of the class, and suprise suprise, when I finally checked my blood sugar after class, I was low. Teachers really should be better educated on these things.
How do teachers not know what diabetes means? I was, at the very oldest, ten when I found out what it was. It was acceptable to misunderstand juvenile diabetes when it was a new thing, but in 2022? That teacher's lucky she didn't face legal charges of child abuse/neglect.
What even is the "Right thing" OP's parent talking about? Letting Anna on hugging & kissing OP's husband in the middle of their wedding? What kind of a sick human being using their daughter's disability as the reason to ignore boundaries so shr can make a physical contacts, heck even kissing to someone whose going to be her Brother-in-law anyway? Looks like OP's parents truly needed a reality check and getting some common senses knocked to their head
When I first saw this post I had one question: what happens when she is told no or doesn't get her way? I used to be a paraeductor and worked with autistic kids in special classroom. Some kids get violent. Like kicking, screaming, pushing, shoving, punching, throw stuff across the classroom violent. And if any of those reactions is how she responds to no, then extra NTA.
16:14 ima pause right here before i continue. I find it odd how nobody is talking about how harassed Michael feels. Like it hes a person, not an object. It should be an automatic no just because he has a right to be safe and not harassed. People may wanna say "its not harassment if she doesnt understand what shes doing" but thats just wrong. You have a right to boundaries and safety because autonomy. You cant help people at your own expense. You should never put yourself as the sacrifice, be helpful but be human, not a tool. The mental state is completely irrelevant of his own rights. Doesnt mean there's anything wrong with the sister, because she doesn't understand..but doesn't mean he has to just take it either. He can be kind and it seems like he has been, but really, sometimes you just need appropriate boundaries. Basically hes human, not medicine or a healthcare professional. Seems like a really compassionate guy, but consider his experience when writing this post foremost, which is all the argument you need. He just isnt a cure and shouldn't be relied on, thats manipulative and unhealthy.
Rslash, that rating is not fair. Do I think he could have done better? Yes, absolutely. But 4/5 is harsh. Really, how much does the average person know about postpartum stuff? I'm a grown ass woman and didn't have a lot explained to me until I had a friend who is a midwife. I'm fortunate in that regard but this is the kind of stuff that people with 4 grown ass kids don't know enough about. If I were to rate this it's either NAH (everyone is unequipped to handle the severity here) or ESH (as a disabled person, I don't believe that it's anyone else's job to manage my health for me but also that I would expect my partner to say 'hey babe, you're not alright'). Additionally, I have been in the position to tell someone that I would, in fact, Baker Act them if they put me in the position to have no other options. I'm pretty convinced this new father was stuck between a rock and a hard place. A lot of the time, when you have to pull that drastic of a move, it ends the relationship. Um fuck OP's parents in that last one. Bitch no. Let them leave, they told you that your happiness (and your fiance's right not not be constantly assaulted, which should be the primary focus here but for some very weird reason it is not for OP) does not matter in the fact of your sister's disability and that's just not fair. It sounds a lot like OP was made co-caregiver, was not allowed to have their own shit because of the sister and that's just not right. NTA for OP here, 3/5 to parents - it's not the worst child neglect that can happen but it is still child neglect that... actually 4/5 because of the guilt tripping, emotional manipulation bullshit they pulled after being told how their parenting made you feel. Either way, consoder it weight lost and now because they chose to severe the connection from all three, you no longer have to consider what happens after they die if you don't want to.
@AntiquatedLemon I suspect the Reason bcoz the sexual Harrasment of her fiance is not as big of a deal to her like you think it should be is the following. OP grew up with her disabled sister and the way the parents handled her sister, so in a way she was used and therefore desensitised to her sister ignoring boundaries. what i want to say is as kids we all internalise a lot of stuff wich in hindsight is really messed up and wrong. but it´s imprinted in a way we don´t even notice it anymore and even if we do its practically impossible to get out of our systems, even if we try hard.
That girl from the 504 story is honestly lucky. I had a 504 starting in 7th grade and i got so much crap for it from a large amount of my teachers from then till high school. Teachers would regularly ignore my 504 and yell at me for being lazy. any trip to the principal lead to absolutely nothing. I once had a principal tell me that "you just need to toughen up. The teachers are trying to teach you a lesson". In high school i switched to an IEP which is one step UP from a 504. We hoped that since this was higher up and even more legally binding then the teachers would listen. NOPE. They would ratger throw a hissy fit over a tablet, some snacks, and an extra few days on assignments. I wish we had called the district building or something but there wasnt a single person in the school that actually cared to do something. F*** you adams 12 "five star schools"
Damn. I got the opposite enemy. Teachers followed my 504 (later IEP) to the tea, to the point where when I tried to contest against some of it, that's when I would get crap instead. Looking back I feel like the worst person on the planet for trying to fight against that. Thank god being diabetic wasnt apart of that as thats something i could have easily stopped from occuring which would have definitely fucked me up, but still. I feel bad for you considering your experience. There had to have been tons of kids screwed over as a result, and heck maybe even a couple who were like me who probably ended up screwing themselves over by the teacher giving in to there requests. Bad situation overall. Also just catching up on AITA in rslash so sorry for 8 month late reply.
as someone closeted to terrible “christian” controlling parents, i respect op in the second story for protecting her kid and his boyfriend. i have been so worried that my parents would find out and quite literally evict me, as par to what they said even if im a minor. they always talk in a homophobic way a lot and i have to agree with them, it hurts my heart to have to be with them, they have done so much more things that is terrible. i always just wanted my personal freedom, to love the person i love, and to be respected in even my own bedroom.
I just had a baby and something is wrong with your wife! She needs a doctor ASAP because I’m always so grateful when I can give my newborn to someone I trust so I can shower or take a restful nap! She needs help immediately before she starts thinking her baby will never be safe and does something dangerous
A friend of mine had that form of PPD, she couldn't bear the thought of someone else holding her daughter. Her mind told her the baby might die any minute and if my friend wasn't as close to her as possible, she would not be able to do anything about it. Even if she was right next to the father while he held their baby, she was in pure agony.
She decided to eat during 2nd class, not between 1st and 2nd - means that the story is bullshit. That is how important food was. You need toilet but during class you can not go, so you wait for a second class? Seriously?
@@pfoxhound she ate during the second class because she was almost passing out, and the second class teacher, unlike the first one, actually followed proper procedure and let her eat. It's not like "Oh, I'll just wait for the second class". The teacher literally forced her to stay her entire first class without being able to eat.
@@pfoxhound doesn’t really matter if it wasn’t medically necessary the first time it could be in the future and that’s what you do to keep your child and other children with even more severe conditions safe. It’s not like the teacher wasn’t given a second chance to follow the 504
If you get fired for ableism, that's on you. The fact that she learned nothing and still thought this was about the "stupid snacks" instead of a kid's physical health speaks volumes. 🤷
enough with the isms! It has nothing to do with ableism or whatever it is, just a plain stupid teacher who can't handle her authority being challenged. Period!
She wasn't fired for ableism. Oh, sure that might be part of why she did what she did, but the main reason? She violated a 504. _Twice._ 504s are a legally-binding contract, enforced by the ADA, which is federal law. As in, the school could've gotten in _massive_ trouble with the US government over her actions. She was fired for putting the school in violation of federal law.
@@tygerion4404 i can understand it happening once but repeated cases of ignorance are undoubtedly a case for concern. my grandfather was type 1 diabetic and i can confirm that what rslash read was accurate he didn't get the full story from that internet search. see, once my grandfather was put in the hospital cause he didn't eat and according to the DOCTORS who treated him his condition could easily have killed him. The op in the story really saved that schools behind by recording the first incident.
I remember reading that last post with a friend who is also autistic. They said that it sounds like ops sister is mimicking(with no intervention because of the severity of the autism), but also that op is justified in what they want for the wedding day.
Its called postpartum psychosis. I had this as well. Its super scary. A good, compassionate partner who knows when to get help is the best thing anyone can ask for.
Last story: As someone who has an autistic brother who is on the more artistic side of the spectrum ( is non verbal and can't use sign language to communicate but can use the bathroom by him self as well as do other activities without too much help from others) I can tell you, behaviors such as that can be stopped if taught not to do them. This is more about the parents not disciplining their child more than it is about the sister.
Ok wow that thing with the mother and her baby is so wrong on your part rslash. 4/5 buttholes is way to harsh, I'd say maybe 2/5 at max, how is he supposed to take her to the hospital for a check up if he can't even keep the baby away from her for 2 seconds. She wouldn't be able to do a medical exam, simple as that. OP sounds like a desperate father missing out on bonding time
My mum, who has type 2, gets confused and forgetful when she hasn't eaten anything. She has also collapsed unconscious when her glucose was too high from eating something that had way too much sugar in it (but not easily identifiable on the packaging) Keeping healthy when you are a diabetic can be a struggle with how much sugar is in everything and not properly disclosed on packaging.
I'm a type one diabetic. Comas are EXTREMELY rare. My doctor for diabetes has never had any of his patients go into a coma, and only about 1 a year be hospitalized. That being said, if a teacher said I couldn't eat when I'm low I'd just give them the middle finger and keep eating
For the newborn story: it sounds like the wife has PPA (post partum anxiety). His behavior exacerbated it. He needed to get her help, not feed into her fear by doing what he did. Also I just wanna point out Dabney is right about falling asleep with the baby. What he described is, VERBATIM, how my mother dropped me. She’s a single mom(dad was in the picture but out to sea at this time) and fell asleep holding me. Her arms relaxed, and I rolled out of her arms, waking her, but by then it was too late and all she could do was extend her legs to essentially provide me a ramp to roll down safely to the floor. Thankfully, I was just pissed I was unceremoniously woken up.
Damn, that last story is rough. I'm siding with OP here. She thought everything out, she knows her sister and her mannerisms, and she's considering her fiance's feelings, too. I feel bad for Anna, not only because she can't process boundaries, but also because her parents are weaponizing her into guilt-tripping OP. Effing shameful behavior.
I get some favoritism vibes into that story, i may be wrong on that but by the looks of it op had to give up lot of things because of the parents wanting Anna to be the 1st priority. Im not saying she shouldnt, her disability must not be overlooked, but it just really seems that they never tried to consider OP's feelings all these years
sadly this situation happens a lot when it comes to having a special needs children they end up ignoring their other children and even make them the babysitter of these children
Sounds like the sister is copying OP's behaviour because she's the only guidance she's ever had. I think the parents never let Anna have proper schooling where she and they would have learned at least some socialization and boundaries, and ways to avoid things or how to deflect some of her behaviour
So first story, honest question: Is that not something taught to teachers? Because seriously, anyone with a working braincell that if you have a kid with a problem like that and confirmed it's real, you give that kid what he needs. It's not just a health thing, it's a lawsuit thing. If they have to pick between a teacher or paying tons of money plus reputation taking a hit, teacher is often out. I won't say 'all the time' because rslash has gone over a couple of other stories where the school chose the teacher
I think they just assumed the teacher wouldn’t violate the law. She knew the program was a legally binding agreement. Diabetes is just common enough that probably no one taught her about it, which is no excuse at all. I am surprised the kid didn’t stick up for themselves and eat in class anyways.
Teacher's kid here. This is something that all teachers are informed of, and have an active record of their accommodations. My mother has had to make allowances for so many children that have 504 plans, from big things like letting them go into the hall and scream to little things like giving them a translated copy of the work in their own language. BY LAW teachers cannot deny a child the accommodations set in their 504, and can AND WILL get their teaching license revoked if they do.
Yes. I just finished taking a course that discusses this for my teaching degree. All school staff must follow 504 and IEP. Doesn't matter what you think, the school is legally bound to follow the plans set in place.
Yes, teachers are required to follow a 504 or an IEP plan. Usually they learn this in their courses and receive training about how to address these situations. When I first heard the story, I thought that maybe the school didn't properly train this teacher since she was new. It seems that she simply chose to ignore it
It is totally taught to teachers. We get entire seminars and trainings by the special ed department, the school nurses, principals and legal. If the nurse sends you a 504 you are legally obligated to follow it. I have a binder of all legal documents, like IEP's and 504's for any student. Violating them is grounds for loss of license, termination and litigation. There is no way this teacher, no matter how new could claim to be ignorant of the legal ramifications of ignoring a 504.
Boundaries are important and they need to be respected. It seems like the only person who set them in the last story was OP. She stood up for her and her future husband. It sounds like her parents didn’t do anything to dissuade Anna from repeatedly violating Michael’s personal boundaries and saw nothing wrong with what she was doing because of her mental handicap. It’s not ‘cute’.
R/Slash, my wife and I have been watching your videos for the last few years now. And as parents, we’ve really enjoyed watching you grow into your role as a father and how it’s changed your perspective on things. Good on you for the personal growth and keep up the good work. We love it.
The story about the OP with the autistic sister. Based on my experience as both an autistic person, person who went through medical abuse based on my autism, and an early childhood educator, Anna and her parents have a LOT of red flags. Behaviour like this in adults with autism is often a sign of some particular practices done by well meaning parents but is actually considered by most autistic specialists to be abuse and borderline torture. I myself went through a similar issue for a brief period of time and displayed very similar behaviour as a result, although the problem was actually corrected very early in my childhood resulting in less long lasting issues, though I still struggle with many things. Also, Anna’s sister uses some very red flag ableist language that read like dog-whistles for this sort of parenting to a lot of autistic adults. That’s not something I blame OP for though. I only point it out because, inevitably, the way OP speaks about Anna is a reflection of how OP’s parents have conditioned her to speak about Anna. Basically, my score is 0/5 buttholes for OP who is obligated to protect her partner from unwanted physical advances being forced on them by multiple adults. 1/5 for Anna who is likely unaware of the issues with this behaviour because of and being prevented from growing past them because of very shady tactics. But also, still the 1 because as an autistic woman who was often labelled by teachers as an acceptable outlet for autistic boys in this manner, I would still consider those boys assholes looking back. And myself an asshole in situations where I’ve been corrected. Like, come on guys. Accountability. 4/5 butthole score for the parents, because I am super concerned for Anna and have been where she is mentally. Because they are infantilizing their child in a way that can be causing regression, which is an emotional abuse of a different kind. Because they are emulating narcissistic parenting practices with their “golden child” syndrome which is harming both their daughters. And the only reason I hold off the last 5/? is based on the assumption that they don’t know any better. But that’s just good will talking. I’ve known plenty of narcissistic parents who use the fact that their child is autistic to explain this exact sort of mental abuse that they probably would have done anyways
The postpartum one: To be honest, I can see it on both sides, one the wife’s side, she obviously has some kind of postpartum mental health issues and is massively fixated on her child to the point of possible endangerment, and needs help. On the husbands side, I can see how it would put strain on his mental health, and that can cloud people’s judgement. Both are in the wrong in some way (falling asleep with the baby in her arms, and running away and locking the baby away from the mother) Postpartum mental health issues need to be seen to as soon as possible as it’s been known to cause mother’s to do seriously harmful and dangerous things to their children, even to the point of m*rder. They need help, desperately.
That lady needs help. And if she cant go get the help and trust the seemingly loving father she can f right off. He and their baby are suffering domestic abuse from her. The baby is not being treated up to standards and is growing up in an enviornment of bad hygiene and uncontrolled freakouts of the mother, not to mention at high risk of SIDS from the mother never letting her go, even to sleep. I can see why even though the father wanted to spend loving bonding time he also wanted to do it from a safe distance. Im surprised the father just isnt dissociative with the way he is treated.
My mom had postpartum depression after me and my twin brother were born. She said that she ticked off every box except the one about wanting to cause harm to us or herself. No one realized she had it because feeling exhausted is normal with newborn twins. It was until my aunt visited to help out with the babies that my mom got help because she was like “nah that’s not normal” The depression doesn’t go away like my mom went to therapy when I was 12 and that’s when she apologized to me and my twin brother for unconsciously blaming her depression on us lmao.
The lady needs help and the husband didn't give a damn about that fact. He ignored his crying wife for hours instead of trying to get to the root of the issue and help his wife.
@@ThePestilentDefiler Ignoring a crying and screaming woman for hours seems pretty fucking "dissociative" to me. Either that or plain physcotic and uncaring. He is going to keep his wife and child in that situation instead of actually act like a husband and father and TAKE HER TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR. It's obvious she's mentally ill and he's basically just saying "Oh well... I'll just lock me and my kid in a room while she screams" There have been cases where mothers in postpartum have tried to or succeeded in MURDERING their children due to their mental health not being treated. The building anxiety and stress just makes them snap. Stop acting like OP is some sorr of defenseless, innocent victim. He's a fucking bystander who'd rather lock his child away in a unstable household than do anything about it.
I kind of agree with you, but as the story was written the husband did nothing to the op in particular and his image was also attacked, for that I maintain the every one s****
Last story: I definitely feel like this is a heartbreaking situation but the parents are being enablers to behavior that shouldn't be accepted regardless of a person's mental ability or not. Most children can understand boundries if given enough time and positive reinforcement to learn. It seems in this situation the parents are just letting Anna get away with SA because they are to cautious about her because of her disability. They shouldn't put the responsibility of Anna their other child either. It sucks but a disabled child shouldn't become a life altering responsibility for their abled siblings!
In terms of the "No sister at the wedding story", it very much so sounds like a story from a long time ago I'd also seen on the same subreddit. It very quickly leads me to believe that these parents are the kind of people who constantly put their disabled child over their other child, no matter the situation, to the point where I'm blown away that OP hasn't gone no-contact. It's a hard situation for a parent to be in, but just because one of your children is disabled, it doesn't justify never showing affection to your other child.
My dad had type 1 diabetes. If he didn't eat his sugar would plummet or skyrocket depending on which insulin he had. So ashamed that people don't understand these things, let alone teachers. They should be educated on this stuff if they don't know about it
The first story's teacher sound like: "YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO ENTITLED, SHE WANTS TO EAT IN MY CLASS JUST BECAUSE SHE CAN DIE OTHERWISE! WHAT A ENTITLED BRAT!". OP's daughter was thankful that the second class teacher actually was doing their job and allowed her to eat; That teacher is luck she just got fired, because if anything happened to OP's daughter because of her stubborness she could get a criminal charge on her name aswell.
the crazy dad story: 4/5 is WAAY too much. you were really being harsh with that one. yes, we can all agree that the wife needs help, but keep in mind, that those of us reading the post and getting to know the situation from a stranger POV will realize that, but from OP's POV, he doesn't. he and his wife just had a baby, he's a proud father, but yet, doesn't get the chance to hold and bond with his own child. everything is new to him right now, so he doesn't exactly know what to do with the situation. but seriously?! 4/5!? come on r/slash, leave that for someone who DOESN'T want to interact with their child. at least he didn't run off outside with the baby. then that score would be justified.
I can relate to the last story a lot. I have two autistic siblings, so my childhood practically ended when I was 8/10, everything was for them. Hanging out with friends was super rare cause I had to babysit essentially everyday. My late teens were work, school, and caring for them. I hate that I resent them, and my mom for making me sacrifice my childhood to care for them, cause even though I’m married now, I struggle with relationships, or default to being a “mom”. I resent that I might be their primary care taker again, and will have to devote my life to them again. My siblings are good with boundaries and can usually stay occupied with a tablet or phone, but man. To have your spouse constantly harassed. I’d lose it. Family or not. OP was totally justified with setting those boundaries. Her parents need a reality check. They have another daughter, not just a caretaker for their disabled daughter. Best of luck to her, and I hope she stays no contact for a good while.
I had a 504 when I was in elementary for my ADHD. Teachers weren't supposed to give me time limits on tests, and I would be able to finish at my own pace. But, most didn't let me. I was too young to realize we could have sued the school for that. I never told anyone because I just didn't understand back then. I didn't truly realize this until after they cancelled the form, since I was sure I didn't need it any more. Even though none followed it anyway...
I was also confused about the homosexuality being a "lifestyle", that's like saying me having asthma is a lifestyle. No one really "chooses" their sexuality, peeved me a lil. But it's not like R/slash had any bad intentions, just a silly mistake.
Wait wait whats the definition of "lifestyle". Because I never thought the word implies "Choosing" just only that a certain behavior or action that a person does in which they lead their life.
@@bonda_racing3579 The definition of lifestyle is just “the way in which a person or group lives.”. It’s not inherently negative and a lot of people don’t have an issue with it, but it can be used with a negative connotation when referring to someone who’s LGBT. It’s one of those things where if you say it, you’ll probably upset someone, if you say it’s offensive, you’ll probably upset someone who’s okay with it. Your best bet is to just not use it unless you know someone is okay with it.
I’m so glad that teacher was fired before she killed a student or got the school in lawsuits. I would have given her a piece of my mind but I’m not kind to fools who endanger children’s lives with their entitled view of the world.
About people not managing mentally disabled adults and thinking it's other's responsibility to endure harassment from them: when I was 16 a mentally disabled man started to follow me around, he was alone, and he followed me to my bus, then got off at my spot and proceeded to run after me to my house, I was absolutely terrified and a man saw this laughed and said " Run little girl! " I felt so alone and scared, thankfully I got to my house before he could catch up. You can't just let a handicapped person alone like that, they have no judgment of the situation.
That last story reminded me of something insane I witnessed in high school. There was a girl with down syndrome in my theater class and we were learning improv. Everytime it was her turn she would first start cuddling up to the person and trying to kiss them then shove them to the ground and start gesturing stabbing motions. We were all in shock and didn't talk about it ever. She never seemed to fully know where she was or what we were doing so it was terrifying that this was just her go to behavior. Especially because everyone outside of that class just saw her as cute and docile. The only kind of boundery the teacher did was never pair her up with the boys, only with her teacher aid, and only had her do group activities which stopped her from doing all that weird stuff
As someone who was sexually assaulted by an autistic "manchild" uncle of mine as a 7 yr old at an Easter party... These people need to be constantly monitored at best, sent to an institution at worst. Whether or not they can help it, they actively hurt those around them. The pain they cause should never be discounted because of their mental illness. I still have problems with my sexual expression because of what he did to me 16 years after the incident. I have specific triggers and traumas that need regular medication and therapy to remedy. It took me a long time to learn to not despise those who were mentally disabled like this. Truthfully, the best thing you can do for them and everyone else around them is remove the opportunity to harm others.
Op: AITA for getting my daughters teacher fired for not letting my daughter eat? Everyone: Well obviously, the entitlement- Op: My daughter is a diabetic Everyone: Oh, never mind
To the story with the baby: I've found a few comments in the original thread with which I wholeheartedly agree with and feel the need to share as I couldn't have worded it better. 1. Could be unpopular but NAH. You're clearly frustrated and want to bond with baby - you were driven to a limit. In saying that, your wife is going through what is almost definitely postpartum depression and that is an urgent medical problem that needs seeing to. It's hard to put into words the paranoia, the hysteria and the terror a new mother can feel with postpartum. It's what makes some women kill their children. So I don't think you're an asshole for doing what you thought you had to, but she's not the asshole for suffering a horrific condition. She needs help and you both need counselling. -made by MellifluousWine (edit: changed Wise to Wine) 2. Totally agree with NAH. I love the comments calling OP and AH for not recognizing PPD or “doing his homework.” Not everyone is an armchair psychiatrist. Not everyone watched ID 24/7 and knows every psychiatric malady. Further, it’s often *way* easier to recognize mental illness from a distance - and I say that as someone with MI issues, closely related to people with MI, and having worked in psychiatric care. “I didn’t know!” is something professionals hear from family all. The. Time. You rationalize. You justify. You excuse. You just straight up miss signs. You don’t think something so serious can really happen to this person you care about. And that’s in normal conditions - OP is also a brand new father with an obvious ton of stress on him. *He has no experience with any of this* and we have people in here who DO have experience calling him an AH for not knowing what they do. More than THAT, a lot of people outside *and* inside the immediate family excuse early PPD behavior. It happened in my family. “She’s fine, she’s just adjusting to the pregnancy hormones reducing in her body” and “she just had her first baby, cut her some slack!” and “I was just like this, she’s fine, you’re an AH, give her her baby!” It's entirely possible people around her and told him she's fine and he's overreacting. I physically saw this happen to my cousin. *OP is not an asshole for not knowing what he doesn’t know.* Now he knows there’s a serious, genuine problem, though; he can go from there. - made by blackesthearted as an answer to the previous one 3. Also, if she is in VERY bad place mentally, so bad that she can't be hold accountable for her behaviour than she should not be taking care of the baby. Seriously, this could end bad. She already endangered her child by sleeping with her on the couch. I'm not saying she should be keep away from the baby, but she should be supervised. It also sounds like he reached his tipping point and so he did what he did. It was not OK. It sounds like he had a mental breakdown. They both need professional help. So NAH -made by GirlFromWonderland_ Note: The dad isn't crazy, he's just desperate and inexperienced. If the wife has a "right" to her obvious mental instability and THEIR baby (emphasis on THEIR, it takes two to tango), Op has a right to HIS troubled emotions. BOTH need help ASAP.
Moreover from what I’ve heard the baby needs immediate skin-to-skin contact with the mother to develop a healthy mind, however skin-to-skin contact with the father is also fundamental early on for a healthy development.
@@LumemDH skin to skin contact produces oxytocin in both mothers and fathers. Oxytocin is also the love hormone and product of it strengthens attachments. Some of the most important weeks to bond with a baby is in the first weeks/ months of the babies life. So the mum was really offsetting the ability for the dad to bond correctly
This poor woman clearly has PPA (Post Partum Anxiety) and her husband just traumatized her and set back her recovery at least a month. Great work, Dad!
“Dad” you say. He wasn’t being treated like a dad. I’m sure he was having to foot the bill for everything but literally couldn’t touch his baby.. that’s not a dad, that’s a piggy bank/sperm donor. Want someone to be a dad, let them be a dad…
Oh oh she has PPA and the husband traumatized her. So? Are you sure you really have that or is she just being overly clingy? She can get a pass for basically pushing the father away and the father does one thing in the act of desperation to play with his baby and he’s the bad guy?
1 week notice would have been too long. Imagine the kid having to live with a bigot like that for a week straight... Nah man She was justified giving 24 hours
I'm pregnant. 40 weeks and 1 day. That was a bizarre story. He deserves time with his child. She definitely has something going on and needs medical help. And if she was sleeping with the baby that's how they get suds
@@kermitthefrogg3450 3 months is closer to13 weeks than 12. So 9 months is 39 weeks. We treat a month as 4 weeks. But there is a joke that pregnancy is actually "10 months."
With the last story, one thing that was a bit glossed over is that the autistic sister has had a breakdown when she didn't get to be with OP's fiance. If that's a likely situation, then is it also within her best interest to not go? Some breakdowns can be violent and this could prevent OP's sister from hurting others or worse, themselves. For the sake of OP's wedding, her fiance, and her sister, I think she made the right call. Her parents are being pretty entitled... though I can't really say I blame them entirely either... they still deserve a butthole score for how they're acting, but like I said, I can understand their reasoning a little bit.
Her parents went way over the deep end. I'm sorry but there's just no sympathy for them. They're basically telling a grown man to suck it up when they're daughter sexually assaults him!
@@savannahs.5874 Oh, I agree. They were definitely out of line. I'm more or less saying I understand why they'd be upset more than the average entitled parent.
About the last story, I'd like to give an autistic person's perspective here. Op is not TA at all. I understand that Anna may have trouble understanding boundaries, I don't always understand them either, but the responsible thing to do is to make sure that she realizes that what she's doing is wrong. OP's parents saying 'oh that's normal for a woman her age' is most likely just them trying to excuse Anna's behavior, instead of actually putting in the effort to correct it. No sensible person would just go up to their sibling's partner (or even just a random person) and start touching and kissing them. Anna's likely never faced consequences for her actions, and because of that she never learned what is and isn't appropriate behavior. And even then, OP said herself that Anna often has meltdowns if she can't be near Micheal, so who knows what a wedding would do to her? I think the most sensible thing to do would be to try to explain to Anna that Micheal and OP are getting married, see how she responds to that, and then go from there. If she's okay with it, let her come to the wedding under strict supervision, and if she isn't, don't let her come. Simple as that. I'd also like to point out that weddings tend to be loud and stressful environments. I don't know if Anna has sensory issues, but if she does, I can speak from experience when I say a wedding might not be the best place for her.
Honestly, I don't think Anna can really be blamed at all as it seems that her and OP's parents didn't do their job and teach Anna social boundaries, if they're excusing s3xual harassment from Anna because of her autism, I can't even imagine what else they've excused from her. I really don't think I'm disabled, I have clinical depression, some PTSD and possibly ADHD, but nothing as serious as the girls autism; but I even now struggle with boundaries and limits of other people, but I try because I was taught to understand. And I think Anna could be capable of that if her parents actually did their job.
#2 story: OP, you are a great mom sticking up for your son. You may not understand your sons sexuality. However, when he was yelled at, mamma bear reared her head and attacked her sons attacker. GOOD JO B mamma bear! 5 ❤❤❤❤❤’s to you!😊
I’ve had hypoglycemia since I was about 12 or so (21 now), and thankfully I haven’t had a teacher like that in school. Having a condition like that has been hard, but as long as I occasionally snack, I’ll be cool.
I agree and the wife shouldn’t get a free pass because if she is so worried that she gets panic attacks if she doesn’t hold her baby 24/7 and she doesn’t realise that she need professional help so I’m giving them both 2 out of 5
@@tylerjacob8896 she was screaming and beating the door afterwards he should’ve gotten her help so he still has some good buthole points that woman is also little out of it.
The last story, what sort of an argument is "she won't experience her own wedding". She won't experience her own wedding night either? Does this mean OP's husband should just do everything to please Anna? The parents are serious assholes here. I am guessing they always imagined at some point OP will care for Anna (ie. when they are gone) and got pissed of then their plan was thwarted.
It's that last part, the parent's aren't really upset about the wedding, it's that they always just expected OP to take over care when they couldn't any longer. Now they're suddenly forced to rethink everything and decided their best plan of action was to guilt trip their other daughter into submission.... yeah.
Maybe it's just me being jaded to the fact that "when you are a guest in someone's house (Or better yet, a tenant for x number of days/months/years and not being asked to pay rent), that doesn't give you a license to openly criticize the keepers of the house of how they do things. It sucks when your blood relatives turn out to be some kind of phobics and you're just holding your tongue till they leave so you'd rather not have a huge fight that you know won't lead to a "you know what, I'm sorry for being a phobic, I'll change my ways", but the sheer audacity this sister in the 2nd story uses the "I'm pregnant" defense and therefore you should have more sympathy over me and my unborn kid than your own kid's feelings.... I'm gonna let ya think about that.
Last story: I gotta agree with the wife since I know a few special Ed kids from school who constantly hug people and stuff. They understand "no hugs", what the parents are doing is reinforcing that it's okay to go against boundaries. The couple is 100% nta the parents are!
There's disabled, and then there's enabling. The parents chose to enable the disabled daughter by knowingly violated the OP's specific boundaries. I hope OP continues to be no contact with her family. OP doesn't need this toxicity in her life.
Am i the only one who went „aww“ when the father in the second story went „I don’t completely understand his sexuality, but I don’t have to, he is happy.“
I don't get what it is to understand though. The son is gay, meaning he is attracted to people of the same gender. Just like a straight woman is attracted to men, so is he. There, that's all you need to understand.
13:00 I don’t think OP is the asshole. That isn’t a 4/5 for sure, he probably didn’t realize that. Also, if your wife doesn’t trust you with that that is a big issue. That entire couple is a big mess
I’m a type 1 diabetic, and the something very similar to the first story happened to me earlier this year. She’s a new teacher and when my blood sugar got low I excused myself from the classroom to get something to eat. I come back very quickly with my snack. I open it up and she’s yells at me saying “Hey, no snacks in class”. I told her that I’m a diabetic and I need it, but she just said, “That’s not my problem. Take it into the hallway.”
Our son had issues early on, but we forced him into certain situations to start making him adapt. The world doesn’t adapt for him, so I was with my son’s therapist every day. Never canceled. He had a psych team (CBT, as it truly does help,) occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy…every day for 7 years! It was hard on our other 3 kids, but if we wanted him to eventually have a career, wife, family of his own, it was important to teach him adaptability. Teaching him, only helps his future. Most kids are “labeled” something to get the ball rolling, for services. He had a couple, and when he finally developed a tic, everything became clear. Most kids don’t develop one until they 5 1/2-7 years old! We started therapy at 17 months old, and by the age of 7, he was doing great! No one even knows of his early struggles. Please, the younger you get services, the better. Since we used CBT, he is now 19 years old, has a decent job, and is becoming an EMT! If we sat on our hands for all of those years, he wouldn’t have become the person he is today! This kid had everything thrown at him, and bc he was taught appropriate replacement behaviors, he’s actually better off than your “typical” kid. He had a ton of serious health conditions, but no one believes me when I tell them of the things he conquered! I didn’t have all the hard work, he did. If you’re reading this, and suspect a mental health issue, the earlier they start the better. Here’s a kid, who was supposedly non-verbal! He had a chiari malformation, and couldn’t speak properly bc he had a ton of pressure to his cerebral tonsils. Once he had decompression, within 6 months he was fully speaking, reading, etc…please do not jump on the “ABA bandwagon!” Please choose a CBT styled program. If we would’ve chosen ABA, I have no doubt that he wouldn’t have reached his full potential. He’s still emotionally delayed, but he’s getter closer to his chronological age! I just created the team, he did all the work. He graduated last year, and we’re so proud of him! Tourette’s can look like many disorders before developing a tic. He just has a breathing tic, and 99.99% of ppl don’t even know bc he worked really hard! When he was 2, we were told we’d have him living with us throughout his adulthood. I remember hoping, he’d just graduate HS! He graduated in a typical classroom, and had pretty good grades. His dream is to be an EMT/ firefighter, and he’ll be able to live an independent life!
