Honestly, if I was Maddy I wouldn’t be able to stick around. Loosing a baby and my boyfriend got someone else pregnant. I know there wasn’t cheating but I wouldn’t be able to handle that
and this same girl is also sleeping with both you and you're boyfriend and y'all are seeing each other. even if op says its not a relationship; you gotta admit its a little sketchy of her to be lowkey dating both of them and sleeping with both of them and then acting like maddy wanting to be more involved is weird
@@whatteamwildcats4033 Ding ding ding Mate I think you’ve hit the problem on the head how op is acting to Maddie is cold in my opinion and I think she knows what she’s actually doing
Ngl I'm just judging OP a lot for getting into that situation in the first place- there's not enough info but I think Maddy is being mistreated and should get the hell out of there already. OP is either dating both of them or neither of them, make up your mind already, Maddy doesn't deserve to get caught up in your mess!
Re: first story, there's no indication that this is a polycule. Just a couple sleeping with a third party. Just clarifying that, because it DOES affect the verdict.
I came here to say this. If anything I think OP clarified there isn't a relationship beyond sex? So no, it's not a "raising as a throuple", it's OP + Jasper are the parents, and Maddie is a step-parent. Even within a polycule you wouldn't necessarily all equally be parents. Two members of my polycule intend to have kids, and I'd be an aunt NOT a mother to them. The boundaries of the bio-parents come first, and the telling makes it seem that Jasper agrees with Maddie being a stepmother.
@@TheFaeQueen took the words right out of my mouth. Polyamory has many different levels and op even clarified so this is clearly just on a sexual level
@@TheFaeQueen I agree with you to a point - It's really up to the individual polycule how to handle raising the kid, though. Personally, I don't think biological parents have inherent rights above anyone else involved. Otherwise, you kinda blow the concept of surrogacy out of the water. It's just that, as was pointed out already, in this particular instance this relationship to OP is purely sexual.
To the first story, never give anyone the benefit of the doubt in legal matters that concern children. I'm a family law mediator and that is a recipe for disaster!
This is stupid advice considering the fact that the step mom literally has no legal right over the child. There is literally nothing she can do. Hiring a lawyer is how you provoke people and probably lose the child. All she asked for was to give the baby a middle name and even admitted herself that she had zero rights over the child. I don’t know how that equals lawyering up and taking the most extreme nuclear option. If OP lawyers up, then 100% she’s the butthole and I’m on Maddy’s side even if she tries to get full custody of the baby at that point. Once you go nuclear then all bets are off and it’s basically okay for anyone to try to do anything legally.
Yeah, I feel for the girl but this… this will, at best, turn sour. I have personally been in a situation like this and it ended with a divorce and a restraining order.
@@CreeperOnYourHouse The Cousin that had to restrain the girl. She wanted to stab the pregnant side girl. If you want to know, the husband, who is my cousin, cheated on his wife with another girl months after their baby died from nothing short of an act of God. (I don’t know the details, but apparently lots of complications since birth ended with the baby dying.) Long story short, now ex-wife tried to kill side girl, who didn’t even know she was the side girl. Ex-wife just wanted to at least be part of the baby’s life. Side girl didn’t mind since she was young, but Cousin didn’t want that. It was fucked.
Definitely not giving the benefit of the doubt, call it mothers intuition, or just the fact that baby stealing is one of the most horrifying things i could imagine and I'm not gonna let things go
thats what I was thinking about when he said Maddy was reasonable when she was a part of the relationship. but there is no polyamouras relationship, just a sexual one. I kinda think they should've stopped having sex when things got complicated
@@victoraponte1200 Yeah, it's highly preventable. People run around treating sex like a hobby, a need or a novelty. I think it's something you should keep between two committed partners. But people treat it like this and then have the nerve to act like they're being put out when someone ends up hurt because they can't figure out how to balance things that should never have been balanced. Either Maddie is part of it or she isn't. I think Maddie definitely needs to leave entirely. People act like they're ok with polyamory but I bet you anything most are saying that because they don't want to be labeled as the bad guy or old-fashioned or closed-minded. It's not unrealistic for someone to want to feel like they're the most important person in the world to just one single partner.
As an actual polyamorous person in a relationship with two people while also having an open relationship: sex =/= a polyamorous relationship. OP made it clear that they're having no-strings-attached sex and that's it. Maddie is absolutely starting to show the signs of a baby kidnapper (as most child kidnappings happen by a family member). As mentioned in the post, it's not just the name, she's treating OP as a surrogate instead of the actual mother here. She's been continuously trying to stomp all over OP's boundaries and OP is sick of it (which I can understand). She doesn't have a polyamorous relationship with them, it was just casual sex. Maddie needs to deal with her own grief and OP should absolutely be seeing a lawyer.
@@the_rachel_sam oh yeah no, definitely. Unfortunately there are lots of parents that are emotionally immature. Perhaps all three of them should take a parenting class and a few separate therapy sessions
Actually OP doesnt give any indication that Maddie was trying to take over or co parent in anyway. OP only states that the 3 rules were put in place. It could have all been preemptive. From the story, it doesnt seem Maddie was treating OP like a surrogate.
I agree with you entirely Side note: If you're trying to put "sex ≠ polyamorous relationship" then you should be able to just hold down the equal button so more options appear.
Yeah, I agree. I don’t think Maddie needs someone else’s baby. She needs a therapist. She’s not mentally or emotionally stable enough to handle the situation.
For the first story, I definitely think a family lawyer should be consulted, not because I think Maddy will try to steal the baby but just to protect all bases from OP’s side. Better safe then sorry, especially with kids.
First story: OP clarified she is not in a relationship with the other two so I woul guess it's just more like "friends with benefits". So in my opinion she has nothing to say in the matter of the baby. Of course she can ask if she can get the middle name but she hasn't any right to threw a fit if she gets a no for an answer.
@@lampwithabluelight she’s trying to name someone else’s kid and is pissed she doesn’t have the same parental rights as the father. She needs to get therapy for her loss because if you had a orgy with 3-5 people it wouldn’t entitle you to their kid’s birth/name. Raising it sure she has some say but she’s trying to treat op as a surrogate
The first story isn't a polycule. She states loud and clear that they sleep together, and has agreed there's nothing more to it. I understand why that seems like polyamory, anyway, for a monogamous person, but let's be perfectly clear, that's not it.
Correct. It seems like what they've got going on is a unicorn relationship. OP is the unicorn in Jasper and Maddy's relationship. Polyamory would be if they were all dating, or if Jasper was dating OP and Maddy at the same time and if they were both okay with it. Or, the "ideal" polycule situation would be if they were all dating each other. As it stands, it's just a situation where OP is their unicorn.
@@alexanderayers4904 I agree. To me, it just seems like a threeway Friends-with-benefit situation (which is totally fine) I would probably not have commented, if the mention of Polyamory wasn't brought up - because non-monogamy is not the same as polyamory. I think it is a very specific situation, that's hard to give clear advise on, and mostly, I feel for the kid. I don't think they will have an easy time - not because they have more parents, but because I think the situation is messy and muddy at best.
@@tidepodpadthai2633 She can suggest things. She will not have any legal rights over this child, just as OP would have no rights over a child the other woman consieved during the threesome. In any case, this is really something they should have discussed before the threesome.
@@H-to-O honestly agree with this after i heard part 2 , its obvious ,the situation isnt black and white . poly relationships are complicated as is much less to involve a baby after the other person involved lost a baby. ESH\
I wrote a thoughtful response before the update and now to find out she is sleeping with all three even after this? yeah, ESH. Give me back my effort dammit!
I agree, she should leave him as well cuz this situation is just toxic. Good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to add to the discussion for the child she’s going to help raise?? Yikes….
The First Story: I've seen a few poly relationships, but this is an interesting story. IMPORTANT: OP says there are no other attachments than the bedroom, and the pregnancy is an OOPS that they're trying to deal with, without destroying the relationship of the couple. The fact that the other woman lost a child a year prior may make her feel as if she has the RIGHT to be involved in the pregnancy, particularly since she was also involved in the conception. UNFORTUNATELY, she does not. OP is the mother, doesn't appear to want a full relationship with the couple, but still wants the father involved in her child's life. Here is where the complication arises. There is no single correct response to this situation. The other woman has absolutely zero rights, except for those granted and even those can be removed if she oversteps her bounds. OP has a slight tone of hostility about the other woman, which may be frustration at the lack of the other woman's inability to respect that OP is the mother, not her. OP has the right to name her child whatever she wishes, and have whomever she wishes in the delivery room. The father being there is an obvious choice. As there is no other tie other than the bedroom to the other woman, WHY should she expect to be the second choice? I honestly can't see an obvious right or wrong in this situation, except for one thing. The tantrum when the other woman didn't get her way. There may be more to this story than is posted. She may also be feeling she's losing her place in the relationship between her and the man because she's being left out of the pregnancy. That can be a frightening thing. They seriously need to sit down and talk about things. The other woman has zero rights to the child. And she also needs to accept she is entitled to nothing. She is, however, entitled to know that the child won't interfere in her prior relationship, which is possible. I see a lot of comments about the woman being a baby-napper. Its possible, but don't automatically assume that. She could just be lost about what to actually do, and suffering from long term emotional effects of her miscarriage on top of that. What if she loses her man too?
This is a very thorough comment and I could not agree more! This is a really complicated situation and my heart goes out to Maddie, but it doesn't change the fact that OP is the one carrying and birthing the child. OP set their boundaries and Maddie presumably agreed to them before hand.
This is the comment I was looking for. I completely agree with you, although it is stressful and she will be a step parent, all rights are given to her by OP and the father. Sure we can see where she is coming from but that does not mean she should continue that behavior. They need to talk about this, rehash their feelings and let everything air out to see where everyone stands now. Maybe it might be better for Maddie to take a step back from the pregnancy and do some therapy, but only she knows what she needs.
The fact that OP has continued to sleep with both of these people after this incident is by far the most troubling. It's already a very complicated emotional mess and yet she still insist on sleeping with both of them?
@@kp2223 remember, it takes two (or in this case, three) to tango. OP is not to blame if the three of them saw no reason that the pregnancy should disturb their activities. As long as they don't think their bedroom activities are adding to the complications, I see no reason they should have to stop.
1st story: 3 red flags. It's just a threesome, not a polygamous relationship. Maddie lost a child. OP is pregnant by Maddie's fiance. Maddie needs to see a therapist as this combination of emotions can be dangerous on a grieving woman.
Besides that, OP made very clear boundaries that Maddie seems intent on crossing in any way she can. It's one thing to want to be involved, it's another to bulldoze your way to a baby that isn't yours.
I think Maddie is desperately trying to forge a connection with the unborn child. Having just lost her own child, there is a potential for her to become extremely resentful in this situation. The two "parents", presumably, expect Maddie to be a loving figure in this child's life. However, they are letting her know that she is NOT considered a parent. Considering her recent loss, I can't imagine her letting herself love this child knowing she might lose him. It seems cruel.
I think people are forgetting that Maddie will be helping raise the child as Jaspers wife. She will have a much closer relationship with this child since she will literally be around for it since infancy. At that point she will be more of a second mom/auntie than a more classic stepmom angle. I think they should sit down and have an honest talk to find some type of middle ground. It's fine that they don't want to use the name or have her in the birthing room. Totally understandable. But they should find something Maddie can be involved in that OP is comfortable with. Saying she will have nothing to do with this baby is unrealistic considering she is married to Jasper.
Story 2: Nah, the fiance is a hypocrite and a gaslighter. If he's not treating OP and her family with respect now, he likely won't treat them with any respect once they're married. OP should just cancel the wedding.
As someone who is a step-parent that took on the full of dad and will always be dad, this lady doesn't have a right to someone else's kid, no matter how close she is to the situation. We can understand her, but we CANNOT excuse her actions. EDIT: rSlash, as someone who is ethically non-monogamous, you CANNOT tell people what they are or how they do their relationship. Overstepping as a monogamous person or really, any person.
Exactly. My baby dad's ex of 2 weeks tried to claim my kids as her own and I was like no that's not right. She had some issues of her own which I sympathised for but she was using my kids to off load her issues to even though she never met them! Posting pictures of my kids online even though I don't have social media to post. I didn't allow their dad to because we were being stalked and she was posting my kids like they were her children. (Found out later she stole pictures from their dads phone) They both have additional needs so they hate change and they can't deal with new people and I had to get their dad to set her straight but instead of setting her straight he broke up with her. I feel bad it ended up like that but it was scary
@@kaede1093 Posting other people's pictures without their consent, especially minors, is always wrong and sometimes criminal. That woman definitely crossed the line here
You are correct in your assertion, and I’m surprised that Maddy isn’t taking this as her sign to move on from Jasper and let him and the OP deal with their baggage. It’s less about “letting them win” at this point and more about her own mental health and well-being, especially because of what she’s gone through. I wish her the best out of this bad situation, but do agree with OP’s rights to set boundaries.
@@limiv5272 I know I kept quiet because she got someone to break into my house last Christmas while I took my children to my parents house for the Christmas period. I actually feel sorry for her as she has so many issues as some of them I relate to but she was too much. Me and the kids are having to move away from everyone because she brought so much trouble to our door and it's not fair when they are getting ripped apart from the small amount of family we have. Like the OP in the first story it can be fine but depending on any other mental issues or stances it can go so wrong and very quick. If I was OP on that story I would make sure to go to court and get something that protected the child because you don't know what this woman would do grief cones out in strange ways sometimes out of character behaviour
Why is everyone being so harsh? She’s grieving the loss of her child and just wanted to be a tiiiny bit included. Sure, they absolutely have the right to refuse her requests, but you guys are acting like she did something wrong. Which, I don’t think she did. She should be able to be upset. So calm down for fuck’s sake.
Story 3: Goats used to be employed to keep race horses calm. “Getting your goat,” was an expression that is derived from people who would steal the goat from an owner’s horse to throw the race.
Story 1: It wasn't a polyamorous relationship if the third in this case is just there for sex. That's more akin to swinging or the engaged couple having an open relationship. Polyamory is about loving many people, but this was just sex. So more of a friends with benefits situation, which is perfectly fine. I do think though, that with her getting pregnant, it totally changed the dynamic, especially when the bio parents decided they would raise the kid together. They need to stop sleeping with each other and just maintain a co-parent relationship, if the OP wants to set the kinds of boundaries she wants to set. The sleeping together is muddying things up and making it messy, imho.
@@anna8328 There's any number of reasons contraception failed. I'm not sure why you're immediately jumping to the conclusion that there was no contraception use on either the man or the third's side.
Yeah, I don’t think they mention anything about birth control in the post. That said, this sounds like a messy situation for the kid to be born into, and I hope the mom is able to put her kid first, even if that means putting messy relationships aside for the next 18 years, give or take!
I read the post and OP lied about it being a ONS. OP is continuing to sleep with the couple so it’s no fucking wonder Maddie is so confused. OP literally lied about that in her post to name herself look better.
To be fair that story is written from OPs POV and she said she has a big family. It sounds like her fiance has his mom and friends and that's it. Is it really fair for the fiance to not have his social support net there while OP has theirs?
Threesome story: Maddie is NOT getting no say. She's simply not getting the decision on the kid's (to which she's not supplying any genetic material, mind you) middle name BY HERSELF. It was still up for discussion. Also, tbh, I feel like this would be a bad idea. What if she DOES have her own kid in due time. She miscarried, so she's obviously not completely infertile. In the end, I feel like she is to some extent trying to make the baby somewhat her own, which feels like a setup for drama.
To be clear on the first story I'm not reading this as a Poly relationship, I believe they're just FWB. Under my understanding Maddy shouldn't have a say with naming the child.
@@mariposa9506 Nah, normal pregnancy, they either didn't take precautions against this or the precautions failed. Maddy didn't provide anything (especially not the sperm lol) she was just there when the egg got breached.
@@hoboheart3728 yeah but she was just as involved, just not biologically. In my eyes she also conceived that baby. Her relationship with OP is supposedly the same as the man's relationship with OP so why does he get all this say and she gets none?
I agree with your assessment, but I think that also implies the father has equally little right to name the child. I mean if looked at from a biological perspective sure the parents have more say because of genetic material, but from the perspective of who is raising the child, I think anyone expected to raise a child has some say in the child.
I agree. It’s mostly the principle of the thing. It’s not her baby, so giving the baby a family name that is so meaningful to her is a little murky. My concern is if OP agrees to the name, even as a middle name, what else will Maddy expect her to give in to with the baby?
Exactly. Middle name is not the issue, but from the perspective of the baby that's the father's father-in-laws name, and step-moms total lack of acknowledgement that this is not her baby to be naming after her family is an issue.
I think that both maddie and jasper should have equal say to each other over the baby So either 50%OP, 25%Jasper 25%Maddie Or 100% OP and 0 for the other two
Same. I would be very concerned. Not only does she get pissed about having no final say in the babys naming, she also suggested being in the delivery room instead of the babydaddy. Wtf!? She really needs to understand that it's not her baby. She is the step-mom. And no, she doesnt' have any say in the childs upbringing. The parents have the say. I think she should get therapy to help her with the loss of her child as soon as possible.
Exactly… you can grow and develop a relationship with the child now being in between but Maddie has no parental rights even if that relationship fails, I’m a step father myself and I know my place in having anything to say involving my step kids but just help raise them as my own but whatever mutual decision they make wether I like it or not I can’t say anything about it… and I’d expect the same with my biological daughter…
Threesome story: as she said, they are just sleeping with each other, there is NO polyamorous relationship. The fiancé has no legal say whatsoever in the birth of the baby. Although she may be the stepmom, she has no legal standing. OP is justified and would definitely keep an eye on the fiancé
Yeah, but tbh it seems like she didn’t ask for much like she was way out of line with the delivery room thing agree but a middle name isn't important, it might just be me but I don't know anyone's middle name and I feel like it's a small thing that could make her happy. Also, she had an incredibly small “outburst” so I doubt she's gonna try and steal the baby
@@tidepodpadthai2633 She's not the stepmom. The baby isn't hers and OP isn't in a relationship with this woman. She gets no say in this baby. Everything OP has given her is a courtesy
Wait so OP is “overly controlling” for wanting her step siblings at the wedding and making it a “my way or the highway” situation, but he DISINVITED HER FAMILY AFTER SHE SAID NO BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO CUT PARTS OF HIS OWN LIST. Also, “gin jockey” is an Aussie insult for a white person with an aboriginal partner.
Ohhhh, so Karen is also racist af? Good to know. Yeah, it sucks that the kid is getting punished for Mommy Dearest's racism and boundary-violations, but at least he'll have a clear picture of just how 'not worth it' racism is now (and will be forever after).
Don’t label peoples relationships when they’ve clearly laid the terms out. It’s JUST SEX. Sometimes babies come from “just sex” and having threesomes occasionally is NOT the same as being in a emotional relationship with two people
This is pretty much exactly what I just commented. "We have threesomes, we are not in a relationship" "oh, so they're in a polly relationship". People not understanding what polly relationships are is a big part of why they're still so heavily demonised!
I could get vehind your "it's just sex" argument if it was like once or twice. But it's multiple times, even after the original conception. Then there is also the whole Step-mom bit, which would imply that there has to be some kind of relationship involved to make that work, right? But this entire situation is just sooooooo weird. I know there are some countries where polygamous relationships are are common, maybe they should take a page out of their book and see how social interactions like that play out?
@@dantecarrasco9304 no, she IS a step mom. If they were a couple then she would be second mom or just mom. But she’s not. Because op made a clear line between sex and love. You can fuck someone multiple times and not love them
In that threesome story, I feel like the boundaries were made clear to maddie. She clearly needs help to deal with her loss and jasper needs to ensure she gets that. Op needs to stick to her guns.
Yup. While it would be nice of OP to give just the middle name to Maddie, she's under no obligation. And the whole reason people are thinking Maddie might steal the kid is because the psychological trauma that can stem from a miscarriage is very real and can spiral out of control. Maddie absolutely needs therapy, and it's not on OP to ensure she gets it. OP set boundaries, and Maddie gets to respect those boundaries whether she wants to or not.
I personally believe that just because she was in the bed when the baby was conceived doesn't mean she has rights to it. And yeah she could end up being one of the best Stepmother's in the history of that being a thing but at the same time she's a asserting way too much of what she wants
OP also specifies in the comment, that the step mother thing is pretty much a courtesty to be kind to Maddie. In reality, Maddie has no rights aside from being in the same room when the baby was conceived.
Asking to be there and pushing it, yeah. Asking for a middle name? And then her frustration makes her have an outburst? That's not a butthole thing. She is going to be part of the kid's life, and the Kid may even have a choice. Maddie wants to feel involved, and I think that her frustration at feeling like she is a pariah makes sense
the woman in the first story might be grieving the loss of her own child but that doesnt mean she gets any say about somebody elses unborn child, husband's child or not. thats her HUSBANDS child and not her. asking for any name or for being in the delivery room (more than once after being told No) is an overstepping of boundaries. at the end of the day, no amount of sad emotions will make this her child
I think RSlash is right...it is more nuanced than that. It will be her child, in part. She is still going to have to raise that child, in part, for that child's entire life. And, that means something. Blood relation is not the only thing tha tg makes you family, after all.
i agree that the naming thing should be up to the parents but I also feel that theyre not treating maddie right. Theyre partners, shes going to be raising that child, shes apart of this pregnancy and theyre treating her like she has no say
Sorry, but Maddie clearly overstepped boundaries. Unless it was discussed before the act, she has Zero rights to name or otherwise change the course of this kids life. She is still a Stepmom, not a natural mom. The bio dad wasn’t trying to get a surrogate, he just wanted to passionately hug someone else than Maddie. So why is she being disrespectful to the birth mom? Because Maddie wants that child as her own. She sounds more than capable of souring the relationship with the birth mom and her natural child. Her behavior shows a desire for “Ownership” of the baby, and whining disregard for any rules or boundaries that the birth mom has put into place. The birth mom is well within her rights as a future parent to do whatever She chooses and if that means refusing the step mom’s involvement, then so be it.
I wouldn’t even touch this story with a ten foot pole. Only person I feel sorry for is the kid! That could mess someone up so from that standpoint I think they’re all ah.
to the first story, OP clearly stated this was only a sexual relationship and that there was no genuine relationship between the three. it's frustrating that RSlash instantly jumped to polyamory even though OP said that's not what it was
sorry not sorry but unless a person partakes in that sorta relationship there not gonna know the difference and are less likely to care i mean most people when they here about a relationship involving sex with more then just the normal 2 people are gonna assume polly so cut him some slack yeah?
@@weeabooanimanga6075 except OP said it wasn't poly, so it wasn't much of an honest mistake. it was something that was read by RSlash, and something he had to likely see multiple times through editing. no slack for it when it was right in front of his eyes and in his ears, and he ignored it
Honestly I don't think a threesome changes things. OP didn't say they were poly, they just have threesomes. Maddy isn't the mother, so she needs to respect that. I don't agree with rslash there.
It's like he's deliberately ignoring that she is not in a relationship with her. She is just a step mother. She had been pushing about being in delivery room. The child is not Maddie's DNA. I legit think his verdict is insane.
Okay, but she's not in a relationship with Jasper either.... and I honestly don't see why there's such a huge difference when they were both involved in the conception, if we're going off of that. It's OP's kid, first and foremost, but I think both of them were pretty equally involved in its conception. OP only ever slept with both of them at the same time, so.... I don't see why Jasper would get priority just for providing the sperm... idk, it just seems weird, since they were both equally involved in the conception. I think OP should distance herself from both of them tbh. She's not in a relationship with them, so she should be careful to maintain a co-parenting boundary.
@@NettylSpryngs I wouldn't say equally involved, regardless of Maddy's being there the baby would be conceived. Neither biological parent wants her to be anything more than a stepmother. They all agreed on boundaries and she keeps on stepping over them and that's why she's in the wrong. She's clearly acting like op is just a surrogate.
@@MJ-SCUTI I disagree. They only ever had sex with all three present, never with only OP and Jasper. Therefore she did have to be there for the baby to be conceived.
@@MJ-SCUTI I think neither her nor Jasper should have much of a say, since it's OP's kid mainly. I mean, OP can decide to have them in the baby's life if she wants, but she needs to consider them as a pair.
*Threesome story:* Sex is not the same as being in an emotional relationship. OP made it clear it was just a sexual relationship. Maddie should deal with her grief in a more constructive way instead of treating OP like a surrogate for a child that *isn't hers.*
@@chrisw443 yeah, but that isn’t the baby she made in her own body. She has no say to anything to the baby if the mother doesn’t want it. To name the kid you’re going to be the stepmother of us out of the line, especially when it is supposed to be a name to honor her family member… it’s like she is treating the baby as hers and OP as the surrogate or stepmother. Tbh, OP should have just aborted it or give it up for adoption afterwards because that is a sticky situation she willingly yeeted herself into
Ok this is true but now Maddie HAS to parent this child to stay with her fiance. No it isn't an ideal situation but hell that child is probably going to stay with her for 18 years, there is nothing wrong with being a step mom and taking care of a child that isn't yours. Sure the naming part with everything going on is a little weird but she literally has a second chance to be a mother and now its basically being taken away by her not getting a single say what happens to this child that is probably staying with her for 18+ years. Since they are both 'mothers' they should both know that a child means everything and it was ripped away from Maddie and now a child is being shoved in her face that she has to take care of for 18 years that isn't hers. Ofc she wants it to be and she wants to have the feeling of being a mother so she obviously wants some decisions for the child. If you really don't agree with this you are really horrible and supper self-centered...
And this is why threesomes can get messy. It’s hard enough meeting the needs of two people in an intimate relationship, doing it with three, then adding children, it’s not likely that they’ll all live happily ever after.
For the threesom story, Maddie needs to respect the boundaries As someone who has friends who are poly and tried it myself, a threesom is MEGA different from a poly relationship
what boundaries? she should be as involved in the raising of the baby as Jasper and OP are, she had six with them too! she was involved in the making, why not the raising?
@@sunflower8227 she isn't involved in the pregnancy. The baby's mother has full control. She was there for sex, protection failed, that's it. She has no right to the baby
@@sunflower8227if they were a full-on 3 person couple, yes she should be involved in the raising of the baby. However, from what OP described, it sounded more like a purely sexual relationship and not a polyamorous(emotional) relationship. Romantic relationships and sexual relationships, while similar, are different. The woman thinks she has the right to be involved due to her past trauma but she doesn't. Again, what OP described was a relationship purely for sex, not for any romantic reasons.
First Story: The nuance for me is what would had happened if during the same 3some was the fiancé the one getting pregnant? Would OP be allowed to be involved? I doubt that, so all the parental decisions are for the parents and the fiancé can be involved if they are okay with that.
No OP wouldn't be involved. OP, Maddie, and Jasper aren't in a poly relationship, they're just fuck-buddies. OP wants Jasper in the kids life because it's his kid but, they aren't in a romantic relationship
@in desperate need of a scotch Ethical dude, that means i don't cheat on my partners and everything is consentual I didn't "come out " to my bf as poly bc we both were before we met. But, hey, maybe you're mad bc you can't get any and poly pple get to be with more than one person and don't have to deal with mono drama Although I WILL NEVER EVER RECOMMEND A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP they are so hard but I'm not fucking property like someone like you would treat me, so this keeps me from getting with an incel like you
First story: I can appreciate your attempt to empathize with Maddie, but this isn't an issue of her trying to choose the middle name... this is an issue of the mom having to consistently reaffirm the boundaries. She had to be told multiple times that she would not be in delivery room, and went to the extent of suggesting the father not be in the room so she could be there, and referred to the child as hers too... I can understand and personally know the grief she's going through and, if not the exact situation, I know what it's like to be a step parent. Honestly, Maddie is trying to treat OP as though she is carrying Maddie's child, and given her recent loss she is actually at a higher risk of doing something extreme and she's showing signs of possibility dissociating from the true reality. I actually know a woman who was killed, by her friend, a year ago in a similar situation... so, this could end up being a VERY dangerous situation for OP and the baby. OP has shown an amazing amount of empathy in allowing Maddie to be so involved, even if she's not allowed to make decisions on her own. The "baby Daddy" seems to be doing an incredible job of maintaining the boundaries that have been set and trying to support both women in this. Maddie honestly, probably needs to go to grief counseling and taking a step back for a while to get her mental state in a better place.
I disagree completely. You can’t just have a sexual and romantic relationship with someone and get pregnant while being sexual with someone and ask that person to be a step parent and be involved in raising the child and then get mad at her for being at all attached to the baby. You guys are insane. In order to be a good stepmom, she’d need to have some affection and attachment to this child and you want her to have none. It makes zero sense.
@@elizabethlovesyt882 You are wrong in every sense of the word. Maddie is overstepping. Yes, she was part of the sexual act, no that does not give any rights. The child has two parents.
@@elizabethlovesyt882 you can be an effective step-parent, and have an emotional attachment to the child without naming them, being in the room when the child is born, etc... I have step children who I think the world of but I still don't make decisions for them without talking to their biological parents. My concern in this situation isn't that she wants to be involved (that's totally fine), it's the fact that because of her grief she's expecting to be allowed to make decisions that ONLY the biological parents get to make. Her mental/ emotional state is questionable at this point and I KNOW how dangerous these situation can get. OP has every right to set whatever boundaries she and the father feel are needed... and the fact that the father is backing OP in ALL of her decisions could be an indication that he knows his fiancée is struggling emotionally to understand that this is NOT her child. Yes, she will be a part of the baby's life. Yes, she will love the child and the child will likely love her. No, she is not the mother and she does not get to make decisions for the child without the parents signing off on it and she is NOT entitled to make those decisions. As Rslash stated, this is a very polarizing subject, and I can respect that other people have a diffrent opinion... but legally OP is 100% in the right and morally it is a gray area but the fiancée is showing warning signs which causes thing to lean in OP's favor in my book. If OP had blown up simply because a request was made, yeah she'd be the AH but it seems like she is constantly having to reiterate the boundaries and she shouldn't have to do that. Boundaries are extremely important, especially in an "alternative" relationship and in co-parenting. The Fiancée needs to respect those boundaries or the situation will not work in the long run
Maddie has absolutely ZERO rights and ZERO say. That’s just how it is. Maddie didn’t get her pregnant, Jasper did. There is no “thruple” custody law and situations like these are exactly why polygamy is illegal. This is no different than those grandparents that help raise a child but then think they can be the parents who you then lambast about how it’s NOT their child.
She’s the stepmom though and just because they can be mean to Maddie legally, it doesn’t mean how they are treating her is okay. They’re still being buttholes, her and jasper.
I know this is old, but I just have to clarify something. Polygamy isn't banned because of messy situations. At least in the US, it was a law made to discriminate against Mormons, because Mormon men often took multiple wives.
@@Auxiliar this argument is anecdotal at best, that isn't the situation and so there is no need to speculate, but to answer your question they would get a paternity test to find out who the father was. They know exactly who the father is so the parents of the child should have last say on anything about the baby, OP is already being very understanding and allowing Maddie to even be involved in the decision and OP already set boundaries with her, and Maddie is breaking them by insisting she should be allowed to make decisions about a child that isn't hers. She's grieving the loss of her own child and needs help, but that also doesn't mean OP should just allow maddie to have anything she wants
I disagree. They aren’t in a poly relationship only having sex nothing more. Op got pregnant they all talked it out and op set boundaries that Maddie can’t seem to respect.
my opinion is that ESH. OP, for vetoing everything and being inconsiderate of the fiancee's wishes. she only asks for the middle name and never said anything but put up with their refusal. The fiance, because it seems like he is more in a relationship with OP than with the person that he is going to marry, and the fiancee, because while I get that she wants to be part of the kid's life, given the circumstances, who the F decides to have an unprotected 3some when one out of the 3 is not part of the relationship, furthermore, why accept it at all if they recently lost a child? was it to spice their sex life up after the loss of the kid? Ok, i can get that but she did not lose the ability to make kids, and this is probably the one bit that may sound a bit unsensitive on my part, but what it means is despite understanding that she can grieve the loss, she isn't infertile. So yeah, ESH.
Thanks, you saved me some typing;) Op said clearly they are not in a relationship or living together: it’s a sexual arrangement. Rslash’s logic that witnessing it gives Mandy parental rights is hilarious.
@@JoyZoneYT 1.) the fiancé doesn’t seem like he’s in more a relationship with op, he’s co-parenting. 2.) asking to name a child you no legal ties while also demanding to be in the delivery room makes Maddie an asshole. 3.)op has every right to “veto” Maddie’s suggestion because it’s not her child. 4.) if Maddie is so upset about the loss of her child she needs therapy before she should be in op’s child’s life. So no everyone doesn’t suck only Maddie for not respecting boundaries.
Heya RSlash! I'm a day late to this but lemme clarify here: When someone says they're passionately hugging 2 other people in a committed romantic relationship and the person isn't involved, that's not polyamory :D Polyamory means that everyone involved has romantic feelings for everyone involved
First story: 1. This isn't Maddie having no say, this is her not being allowed to overstep the OP and Jasper (op gave a list of names, said they could both add, and the three of them would discuss it, Maddie said "i want your baby to have this name that is sentimental to me" when op and Jasper said no, she got mad) 2. This isn't the first time she has done something like this, with the delivery room, the person giving birth always has the say in who is/ is not in the room for support. Not even final say, they are the one that has the complete say (outside of medical necessity) 3. What is going to happen if they give the baby Maddie's grandfather's name, and she and Jasper go on to have a son? This is going to complicate an already extremely complicated matter Not a**hole per se .... but, she does need therapy, all of them need therapy because.... yikes
Lets not forget that she thinks that she is more deserving to be in the delivery room than the kid's father! She wanted her and jasper to be in the room initially, but, since OP was adamant about having her mom present, Maddie jumped to, "Oh, just kick out jasper and let me be in there with your mom, then." Huge red flag
Hey, the first story they mention that it isn't really a relationship with Maddie, just the sex during the edit, the whole thing where they are like "we all talked and agreed it meant nothing"
Sure, but at the same time, feelings can change with time and situation changes. I’m curious *when* they all agreed that “it meant nothing”, because if it was prior to OP getting pregnant, things have *definitely* changed since then.
I think they mentioned in the 3-way story that it was just sex and not a relationship, so I still think the gf doesn’t have much say in the child’s care. However, I do think it’s a “nobody sucks” situation.
Story 2: Both the bride and groom need to agree on who to invite. The fact that he went behind OP's back shows that he might become abusive as hell behind closed doors, starting with shoving away relatives to prevent as much help as possible.
Maddie may not be the mom, but how would you feel after losing your baby, only to watch as your fiancé and his side piece plan a baby together right in front of you?
@@jaegerthedane3245 she’s not his “side piece” this was a relationship. Albeit not one based on emotions just sex. She’s just as much as involved with op as he is. That part of your comment was appalling to say the least. they didn’t plan for that child. And it’s also her fault. She consented to unprotected sex. What did she think was going to happen when a male has unprotected sex with another female? Tough for her. But these are the consequences for her actions and she’ll just have to deal with it regardless of her personal issues. That’s just the way it is.
Idk why people think mad Maddie is entitled to anything. She’s not. She’s not the parent and quite frankly the only power she has is over herself. Sure she’s grieving and not sound of mind, but so? It doesn’t make her entitled to any rights to the child. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.💀
@@jaegerthedane3245 oh and they’re still having sex. Obviously she’s not as caught up in her feelings as op is making her out to be. Whole situation doesn’t even seem credible, but so be it.
@@affettatoprosciutto7139 it was a ONE night stand not a relationship! they just had sex....now OP is playing house with a dude who isn't on his would-be wife's side
RSlash you literally read for yourself that they're all not in a relationship, they're all just banging each other. Yes it sucks for Maddie, but she's not the mom, straight up.
Sorry, I don’t buy that crap. If it was a one night thing, maybe, but it was continuous, even after this whole thing started they continued it. She can call it whatever she wants, but in my eyes that’s a relationship, OP is literally having sex with both of them, and was supposedly with both of them equally when the baby was conceived. She deserves to at least get to see the baby even though it’s not TECHNICALLY hers.
I mean I get what you're saying Rslash and this wouldn't be a bad take...if not for the fact they're not in a relationship they're just sleeping together She even says it's physical, nothing more Seems like they're just swingers
Yeah this first story is hella confusing. OP and Jasper "aren't" in a relationship, but OP wants to raise the child with him? I feel like if OP isn't gonna allow Maddy to be involved, then she should just leave- this is just a mess
@@tastybacon255-baconboy5 hey I wanna clarify just because they aren't in a relationship doesn't mean that isn't both of their child Jasper as a right to the child as much as op does the reason maddy doesn't have parental rights is because simply put it's not her baby its her fiance's baby making her the stepmother Edit: to say OP should just leave is essentially telling her to take the baby from jasper or give up her baby that's essentially what you're suggesting here
@@pillowfullospiders3934 I get what you're saying- I hadn't thought about the whole "relationship child" thing. For clarification- I meant that MADDY should leave, not OP. The way I see it, OP is kinda stealing Jasper from Maddy if that makes sense? I'm not totally sure how the heck to interpret it, cuz the situation is so freaking confusing. It's like... relationships vs biology... I honestly don't see why all three of them can't be the parents. If someone can have two moms or two dads, why couldn't they have two moms and a dad?
@@tastybacon255-baconboy5 because, jasper and Maddy are the only ones in a relationship. They had a couple of sexual encounters and no romance. The baby is not Maddy's.
Regarding the 'disinvited sisters' story, she should call her sisters and say, "he's right, you're not invited", then follow with, "Because the wedding's off" XD
On the last story: When my son was potty trained, but still asking for help to clean up afterwards, my cousin taught him to say “I can wipe my own ass!”. Of course, he had to tell my super conservative, ultra-religious grandpa that, who thought it was adorable. My mom didn’t think that and chewed ME out even when she knew it was my cousin who taught him to say it!
I'm so sorry but this made me laugh so much, just imagining a small child saying that! Hopefully your mother isn't a Karen and won't be mad at you long term.
That first story I still feel that Maddie is in the wrong. A TS doesn't make it a poly relationship. Think about it this way; if Maddie was pregnant would you think OP would have a say with the baby? Because I sure wouldn't.
@General Porg that doesn't change anything tho they're not an official throuple just some threesomes it's not Maddie's kid it's never gonna be Maddie's kid she's a step mom as op said which is why she doesn't get a say in anything related to the delivery room or the name or middle name of the baby
Story 3: if you really wanted the other neighbors to be able to play, you could draft up a simple liability release for the parents and kids to sign, and give them a fence key. From a kid’s perspective it is a cool exclusive club if you need to sign a paper to get in, promising not to litter and play nice or whatever. And for the parents, they know now that they can leave their kids safely with less supervision since there’s a fence to keep creepers at bay.
Rslash, you beat to saying the fiance showed his red flags by uninviting the stepsisters but still inviting his friends who aren't related at all, even through marriage. What a tool. OP needs to get out NOW, this man will never respect her feelings or who she values and loves
@@spicydiarrhea5662 Nah, she just needs to do the dirty work of calling up every vendor and saying, 'hey, can I get a refund?'. She then needs to do the dirty work of using the refunds to hire a moving service and put forward a new down payment or security deposit without him. After that, she needs to do the dirty work of outing his horrid behavior on social media with her *sisters* (yeah, they're not just 'step' sisters in my book) there to verify with screenshots. It'll be a lot of dirty work, but it's not like he's gonna do it.
1st story: No Dabney, you're wrong on that one. You literally read the ops edit that said "we are not in a relationship, they are their own thing, we only sleep together every once in a while" and in the next breath you say they are in a polyamorous relationship, which they ARENT.
Agree, the wife is AH, we can understand why she is acting the way she is but that don't change the action, and she didn't just asked if the baby's middle name could be her father's, she kind of demanded it and throw a tantrum over it. The circustances would make me say her butthole scor are no higher then 1, but she still get a score in my book
Poly stuff is not mainstream/well talked about/ easily misinterpretted. I Dont blame dabney for not understanding, but he was definitely wrong. Not with his rating, just the idea of what polyamory is.
But if they aren't then why are the couple supposed to be involved with the baby at all? She says they're not in a relationship but what she described is more than casual no strings attached sex, it's definitely a relationship, albeit a messy one.
No im honestly not getting it either. Tf? If Op is not with jasper or Maddie. And they are sleeping with jasper and maddie, but don't live with them? How will this work? Will she just have to watch as her husband goes to cater to another woman with his and ops baby while she's stuck doing absolutely nothing. Like I understand having a child and taking care of them. BUT WHEN YOUR MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN? Why would you have a child with someone else and then leave your OWN FIANCE out of the process of having the baby? I believe the there are no buttholes. Mainly because everyone is right to have their own rules and blunderies. But also because your also right to feel left out and speak up about it. She didnt do anything asshole-y. She just got mad.
Story one is just insane. I get there are families where it isn’t just two people anymore. That said, these three do not have their relationship in any sort of order. This is all about how three people are going to raise one child. There is so much more here than whose middle name the kid carries.
@@justaperson4656 Ya a fwb threeway with a women who just lost her pregnancy a year ago. Im surprised more people are catching onto that and seeing that maybe it just wasnt a good idea.
Yeah messy relationship wich would affect the child. Man I feel maddie is there just for the sex. Ufff and maddie shows signs of child kidnapper. Maddie and op would compete for the child. Because Maddie wants to be involved 100 percent, while op wants to be the only mom of the child. And also op wants maddie to be something like the cool aunt, for the kid. Op and the dude would team up and spend more time togheter because they are the bio parents. I mean, there is a missunderstanding. I feel that op and the dude kind of wanna be on their own with the pregnancy and stuff. But maddie didn't notices and thinks she has to be involved 100 per cent, because she sees herself as a big part of it, when in fact Op and the dude want her to be like 40 or 50 per cent involved. That's the vibe I am getting.
@@justaperson4656 I understand that this is what was stated, BUT, now there is a baby on the way and these three adults just formed that babies new family even without any more sexual relations involved. Regardless of who inseminates or who gives birth, he is engaged to the non baby momma who will have to be involved in raising the child if her relationship with the baby daddy continues. Parenting is one hell of a lot more than 23 genes and who contributed there to. As an adoptee who adopted and also has worked with children my whole life I know for a fact that the non mom will always be some part of that child’s life no matter how her relationship with her fiancé ebbs and flows. Of course birth mom gets to decide all the important stuff like who is at the birth and such. But Non mom will end up involved no matter what. If her fiancé is in his child’s life she will be too. The stepmom can’t be surgically removed unless he dumps her now and moves on.
1st story is actually making me upset, Maddie is clearly in need of therapy, she's not wrong for wanting to take a part in the child's life, but naming them? Being in the delivery room? That's lucidrous and it's a bit entitled of her to feel like she should be able to make decisions like that. Just because they are all SLEEPING together doesn't mean she has a right to the child. It's not like they are all in a romantic relationship, it's just sex, regardless of them of all having sex, I don't see it any differently then Maddie having a step parent relationship to the child. It's messy for sure and Maddie could be vindictive or she could not be but I don't think them all sleeping together or her being in the room at conception makes any different. Besides, naming and parenting doesn't make a parent. If she really wants to be a parent to this child, it'll showwhen the child is birthed.
Yeah, the whole 'being in the delivery room' is what throws up all the red flags for me. Maddie isn't in a good place psychologically, and she needs therapy. Just the middle name is one thing, but the delivery room? Maddie is trying to find work-arounds to weasel her way through OP's boundaries because of the trauma she went through. Therapy first, kid stuffs later.
@@hauntedshadowslegacy2826 It's a combination of things. It must be incredibly upsetting for Maddie and I feel for her. I get why OP said no to the name and birthing room. Totally understandable. But like it or not Maddie will be helping raise a child from infancy which is definitely more of a parental role than the more classic stepmom when the kids are half way to adulthood. I think Maddie should do therapy and when ready have Jasper and OP join. Maddie will in a sense have a child, even if the child isn't hers biologically. Where will the child be when with the father? With Maddie as well.
Yeah but if that's true why does Jasper get any say? Only because OP said so?? Because he's the biological father? In my mind Jasper and Maddy get equal say with OP and should work it out together, not just cut Maddy out. They were equally involved and have the same relationship with OP, one just happened to be the sperm donor
There is absolutely NO INDICATION that the people in the first story is in a polyamorous couple. It does not matter if Maddie was there for everything. All three people in this story are adults, and they knew (even with protection) what could possibly happen. Is the situation complicated? Yes. But, Maddie does not get to act like OP’s child is a replacement for her own kid. It is not her child.
Exactly. Maddie is clearly boundary stomping in order to live through OP and become a mother. It's a shitty situation, but Jasper it seems has no emotional connection and is just trying to make sure his child is safe and their mother is good, and then you have his fiance, being crazy, trying to give the child a FAMILY NAME. She knows it's not her child, it would have no connection to the name, and crazier things have happened. I truly think that she WOULD try and take the baby. Saying "I'm a much better mom than you OP"
Actually the story shows no sign they even used protection! This is consequences of actions and unfortunately Maggie is going to need to bite the bullet here. This kid isn't hers.
@@An0nymous_L0gic It depends on the culture, but in some families it matters a lot. There's that and it appears neither OP or Jasper like it. OP and Jasper should be able to agree with it too since it is their kid
@@Raven9854 The solution would have been to compromise, saying they are not a fan of that name but maybe all three of them can come up with a name together. And why is it only Maddie that has to take responsibility? If there were no protection, that falls on Japser and OP too. No one forced OP to keep the pregnancy.
*"Private Property" Story:* The Neighbour Witch ended up being the one asshole who ruined something good for everyone by threatening OP with a lawsuit. I will agree that the kid shouldn't be shunned for Neighbour Witch's actions though.
I think the attractive nuisance doctrine is bs because even if you have a fence kids will still climb in, break locks, and get hurt. If it’s my property and they are trespassing that’s on them and their parents, especially if I have no trespassing signs. Your kid is NOT my responsibility. Taking the fault off parents and putting it on someone else is ridiculous. Teach them not to trespass and ask to use things responsibly, not break into others property. Then take ownership and fix it if I tell you. Parents don’t need to sue because of broken bones that resulted from them not paying attention. From them allowing their kid to use things without permission. It is the kids fault and the moms fault he fell in the story. The mom knew better but didn’t care. OP warned them
Don’t blame me for your irresponsible behavior and actions. I am a criminal Justice student and have been studying laws for 8+ years. I’m planning to get my law degree, a masters and phd for criminal justice, so I understand the laws and how they are interpreted. Doesn’t mean I agree with them
@@goblinwisdom thing is I don't think this happened in America, I believe it happened in Australia, the "gin jockey" gave that away, a gin jockey IA a slur to describe a while man having sexual relationship with an Aboriginal women, that being said, if it did happen down under, the situation would be different as the attractive nuisance laws are handled differently then here in the states
If I were Maddie I’d bounce because the dynamic has changed am it’s like the “other woman“ moved up on the totem pole with Jasper. They are asking her to sit in silence while they bond over their baby.
2nd story: I would have told my fiance that the wedding is off and canceled everything. If he's going to tell my that my step sisters arnt family then he isn't welcome in my family. The fact that he went behind her back is a HUGE red flag.
yeah thats just wrong for him to say "oh ya cant invite ur step sisters cause they TeChNiChAlLy arent related to u" but he can bring his FRIENDS talk about being a hypocrite
@@HeavyhandedDame YES! and him saying that those three people are in a throuple and they're in a polyamorous relationship NO NO NO NO NO Just because somebody has a sexual relationship with somebody doesn't mean that they're dating, at the very least they are polygamous not polyamorous because polyamorous is about love hence "amor"
I feel like Maddie and Jasper hooked up with op to have a baby because Maddie couldn't have more kids. But now is getting jumpy because it looks like Jasper is falling for op and now Maddie isn't having fun anymore, and is trying to insert herself. Which it's just mess up all around.
@@gemrock i don't think so, i think she's jealous and shouldn't be in this kind of relationship, if you practice non-monogamy practice it carefully and respectfully
I’m totally on Maddie’s side. They were all a part of conceiving the kid but suddenly this other woman is only involving her fiancé and not her. Especially with her recently losing her own child, this would feel like a major betrayal and like her fiancé has a relationship with this other woman that will never involve her. I’d leave both of them to their kid and peace out
Explain Maddies contribution that resulted in conception. I'm with you on the rest of it but no DNA nor sex move of Maddie caused a pregnancy to happen. Her fiance is only being involved cause he's the actual father, not because op would like to raise a child with him.
Maddy in the first story kinda lost me when she referred to op's baby as 'her' baby. It is not, in any way, her baby. OP has made it clear this isnt a surrogacy situation, there was no cheating, they've been open and apparent about everything. Just because she was in the vicinity of the conception doesn't mean it's part her baby. My college roommate once got it on with his girlfriend when he thought I was in the room (they thought I was asleep), if she'd gotten pregnant then would I have had claim to that baby as partly mine? No, of course not. Obviously their situation is way more nuanced but the point stands. She definitively gets sympathy because honestly the whole scenario is just nuts, from losing her own baby to her partner's other woman getting pregnant, there's definitely a lot of emotions there. But ultimately; that baby is OP's, and therefore OP has the final say on everything about this baby.
yeah but maddy PARTICIPATED not just "was there." that's way different. I think it's just as much 'her baby' as it is jasper's because she was just as involved in it's conception. Without her there would be no threesome and the baby would not exist.
@@CanteLizzie That still doesn't give her any right over the baby. Even a father can have no right to a baby, it is up to the mother. The law can't make OP give Maddy parent status. Many women wouldn't want another person parenting their baby
@@CanteLizzie They weren't in a polyamorous relationship with all 3 trying for a baby, they were just having casual sex and op ended up pregnant by accident. The situation is fairly unique and since Maddy is going to be in the kid's life quite a bit it is reasonable for her to want to have input and make suggestions, but at the end of the day that's all she can do; suggest. It ultimately is not her baby so the final say lies with op
@@elizabethlovesyt882 even if the kid will spend the majority of their life with their mom? The one that makes all legal decisions?? Step parents aren't just ...there? They're the spouse of one of the parent but unless they have custody their as significant as any stranger when it comes to legal things regarding the kid
Second story: dump the fiancé. HE’S the controlling hypocrite. Why does he get to invite his friends but you can’t invite your stepsisters? I have a feeling that he just wants to make more room for HIS guests, or that this is some kind of control thing where he has more guests than OP and more people who care about him than her. Kick him to the curb, run to the nearest exit, and never look back.
I understand the first story a LOT. Similar thing happened in my family: my great grandmother lost her daughter when she was barely one year old and immediately adopted my grandma after stumbling upon her. Since communication wasn’t as great as today, she never told anybody that her first daughter had died and my grandma only learned the truth as a young adult while searching for some papers (and also learned that she had a brother!). So basically, I’m pretty sure my great grandmother convinced herself that her daughter was still alive by replacing her with her second daughter. Grief will make people do weird things.
Honestly with the first story. I feel that Maddie deserves at least 2 out of 5 butthole scores because she was actually suggesting that the father not even being in the delivery room. I get she's in pain but I do found it reasonable that any idea she has for the child, it's only respectful that she ask first. Like talk it out with the parents. Yea I get that she's stepmom and wants to be more involved but getting mad about having no saying in a child that's not hers even if it is her fiance's is kinda disrespectful towards the parents then actually asking that she be in the delivery room instead of him is kinda jumping the line. Maddie is in pain yes but she can't get mad about not having a say on someone else's child even if it her fiance's. She'd hate it if the roles were reversed.
she can get mad because the father of the baby in question is her spouse the father of the same child that died inside of her the trauma of that alone is hard to fathom but finding out that you have very little power in anything involving the baby in question puts more pain on her i feel as though the fact that shes grieving and in deep pain that she's probably not in her right mind 0/5 butthole is quite sufficient
For the last story, I see nothing wrong with what the uncle did. When I was that age, my great-grandmother used to teach us to swear in Italian (her main language). We had a lot of fun telling the adult the new words we'd learned (we didn't know they were swear words), and at most my mom just asked her to teach us other words, but she wasn't mad.
Certainly better than when one of our friends taught our toddler to head butt anyone who picked him up as a sign of affection. At least he was too young to put much force behind it.
My oldest brother is a police officer, and when my own kids were little i taught them to say "Oh no! It's the po-po" whenever they saw him. He thought it was hilarious. Some people just need to remove their sticks, and learn to have some fun.
Honestly none of them are in the wrong. The uncle was just having fun and taught the kid something to say, but also if your kid is running around repeating the same thing every time you say something you comment say, it would definitely be annoying and I can understand why they would be annoyed by that lol
Maddie is trying to treat the mom as a surrogate. She has to understand it's not her baby. she should be treating it as a child from another/previous relationship. that would be the right thing to do. Yes, it sucks that she lost her baby, but if it's just sex, it's just sex. she gets to put her input in, and they make their decisions as a group. But because she lost her baby, she's unpredictable because of that .OP should definitely get a lawyer involved! Greif can make people do some crazy things!
Think of it this way yes she was there during conception but it doesn’t make her the mom and on top of that it was nothing more of sleeping together not having a relationship of a kind like that
I think people need to consider why Jasper wants to be involved as a parent without his fiance in the first place. Feels weird, like yes obviously its his kid so he wants to be involved, but without his wife at all? OP is being kind of harsh imo, but its her right to be. That being said Jasper should take his future wife into consideration more. Ultimately, i think Maddie should just leave before the baby is even born, although having lost her own pregnancy i suspect shes super vulnerable still and doesnt think she can leave.
@@TheBenole I really think OP should step out too. Even after the whole outburst she still hooking up with them, which imo is making things way more complicated.
@@Thatspookychick Ya honestly, its giving me really weird vibes. This feels like Jasper is using Maddie, whos probably still super vulnerable after the loss of her pregnancy.
@@TheBenole I just really hope jasper doesn't completely abandon his future wife in favor of his baby mama, yeah it's complicated but it's clear his actual partner needs a lot of support right now and it's lacking.
first story; TLDR: It's not a poly relationship, only a sexual one, that has now ended, OP set boundaries and Maddie is disrespecting them. maddie is going to be a step mom, and she's choosing that. First Story, OP said that is a sexual relationship, so they only had a 3 some and nothing more, she isn't involved in their relationship, maddie and Jasper have their relationship, and OP and Jasper have a relationship purely due to the pregnancy. OP made it very clear that she plans to primary raise the baby on her own, but she wants Jaspee to be in the baby's life, which also means Maddie will be in the baby's life since she is Jasper's CURRENT partner. Yes maddie may have been there during conception but she had no hand in actually getting OP pregnant. Maddie is grieving and should get help, but OP is the mother, and she and Jasper should have the last say on everything regarding the baby. OP already set out her boundaries with Maddie, which includes "not making any large decisions without OP or Jasper confirming it" that includes the baby's name, it's weird that a stepmother would want to name a child that isn't yours after your father, yes maddie will probably be around the baby a lot, but that's her choice, she has no obligation to the baby unlike Jasper and OP, Maddie could decide to up and leave and there would be no consequences, unlike if the parents abandoned the baby, they would have to pay child support. Maddie is choosing to be a step mom by being with Jasper.
but maddie isn't asking that much, to be there and the middle name, I think OP is a bit of a homewrecker for not taking reasonability and using plan B!! she wants this child, she knows maddie lost hers and maddie IS with the dad OP is just the chick who didn't use BC/the morning after pill, I honestly hope we get an update and Maddie has left and found someone who treats her right and leaves the pair to play house
I still think since she was there when the baby was conceived she should get a little slack though. The whole situation is very unusual so the logical mainstream thinking doesn’t really apply.
@@Gothymothmoth Maddie is asking too much because it isn’t her child. They make the decisions and the decision was made about her minimal involvement in the child’s life. None of them used contraception. Op is not the sole home wrecker. They’re all to blame for their actions and the outcome. So what that Maddie lost her kid. Op isn’t entitled to care about her or her feelings. It’s her child and she has every right to keep it and want the father’s involvement in the child’s life. Maddie is throwing a pity party and receiving no presents. Tough luck but she’s not entitled to anything but herself, as per the ACTUAL parents decision. She can leave or put up with it and hope they change their minds but other than that. It’s cut and dry.
First story is an ESH situation.. anytime you invite another person in a relation , be it one time or multiple times, your inviting complicated situations like this. but to be completely honest ,if i were Maddie, i'd seriously walk away... she's still grieving the loss of her child, and is trying to cling to the idea that somehow OPs baby is going to fill the missing void. i dont see any part of this working out in Maddie's favor. OP is justified in protecting her unborn child and jasper is trying to maintain boundaries but maddie is also justified in her feelings. she probably thinks jasper is gonna leave her for OP once the baby is born too. but thats just my opinion.
I think the Maddy and Jasper situation is super complicated. However, Maddy has NO right to the kid and seems to be using her guilt to take advantage of them when their relationship was nothing more than sex. Jasper is the father, so obviously, he has paternal rights. I can't give Maddy more than 1/5 assholes tho, since her grief is definitely clouding her judgement.
I think its odd how Jasper is completely okay shutting out hia future wife while shes still greiving the loss of her first pregnancy. Not to mention that fact that they are having 3 somes pretty soon after the loss? Honestly kind of feels like someone is being manipulated in this story
@in desperate need of a scotch there are healthy ways to practice ethical nonmonogomy. Just because it goes against societies normal doesn't mean it's inherently unhealthy. And through therapy is the best way to have a healthy ethical nonmonogomous relationship.
The first story was a RIDE. It doesn't sound like polyamory, but like OP is the couple's FWB unicorn. And the fact that they actually allowed themselves to do it in a way where the unicorn could get pregnant is just YIKES. Also, the wedding planning story, girl RUN. That is a parade of red flags
First story: The OP straight up said “we’re not in a relationship. Its just sex” and Rslash went wild saying they’re poly together. Like…..she JUST said they’re not. You have to have sex to make a baby no matter how many people are in the room. If there were 13 people in the room it would still only be up to the parents.
For the 1st story Having a three some doesn't equal a poly relationship especially since she said herself that she's not involved romantically with them
Story 1: they aren't a throuple or in a relationship, the OP literally said they just sleep together. OP is the one pregnant and Jasper is the other parent. Maddie's only role is step parent, nothing more. She gets no rights and her being as involved as she is is already a kindness by OP. Demanding anything is overstepping. Story 2: OP should absolutely not marry that walking red flag. Disgusting. Story 3: OP is not the butthole at all and they were right to put up a fence. If they wanna let the other kids play after parents present have wavers signed then that's all well and good. But otherwise...karen's gonna karen. Story 4: no, that's hilarious. My kid used to say "no s'it!" when they dropped stuff. The kid'll grow out if it.
Here's the thing with the first story. OP said that it was just sex and they all agreed that it didn't mean anything. The second she decided to get the father involved, it became a relationship. That includes Maddie ( ya know, the one who is engaged with the father?), so a three way relationship. So either OP could abort and walk away, keep the baby and not really have the father involved, or accept that she conceived with TWO people (a three-way) and continue as a throuple while giving Maddie some parental rights. As it stands she is not letting Maddie do anything and I feel thats not right.
@@doodlenoodledude having sex with someone and making a baby still doesn't make a relationship. A relationship is an agreement and the only thing they're agreeing on is that two of them are having a baby and the other is a step parent. Step parents are only as involved as the other parents allow them to be. She's still not a parent because her husband and OP say she isn't. She has no rights, just a lot of kindness from two people trying to be delicate about her feelings. She should take what she's given, not push for more than they're willing to give.
@@suzumebachi50 You seem to be forgetting that this IS NOT about OP. They had a fling under the pretext that it meant NOTHING, which they ALL agreed on. Now she is simply turning around and uprooting any relationship that Maddie and Jasper had to redirect all of Jasper's focus be on a baby that they didn't even plan on having. Does that not seem strange to you? How would YOU feel in a similar situation? If she didn't have any plans on having this mean something, then why is she so hellbent on now forcing this baby into their relationship?
@@doodlenoodledude It's a shitty situation for everyone, but it was always a risk that the three of them should have known about. Nonetheless, whether OP is giving us the full story of if there's something more manipulative going on, the fact is it's not Maddy's child and like others have said, the amount of say she gets is up to OP and Jasper, and Maddy needs to accept that.
@@doodlenoodledude but that's the thing jasper and op arent partners they're CO-PARENTS he has parental rights and op does maddy has the same amount of parental rights as a step mother usually has just because they had a baby during a 3some doesn't mean it's a serious relationship between all 3
It's honestly so refreshing seeing rSlash disagree with comments every once in a while, it really reminds me that you're a person instead of just another voice-to-text AI
rSlash, you just read where OP said she wasn't in a relationship with these people and you immediately turn around and say "OMG SHE WAS IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM!!! WHAT!!???" No, she's in a sexual relationship with them. To be in a poly relationship, you need to be in a romantic relationship. Please read up on polyamory cuz as a poly person, that offended the hell out of me. You misinterpreted this story WAY WRONG! YTA for story 1. Maddy gets no rights to the baby because the baby is OP's and Jaspers. Like having a 1 night stand and then deciding to cooperant with the guy that knocked you up but he also has a girlfriend. That's what this is actually like.
Agreed! I'm poly too and it REALLY offended me. It's kinda irritating when people assume open relationships regarding sex are the exact same thing when it really isn't the case
maybe he'll rethink his decision after reading your comment. some people are just not in the know, and only get 'side references' not the full story or definition. he's in a straight relationship so he's in an area he's unfamiliar with
Anyone else here listen to that first story and just go “NOPE!” and back slowly away from the situation? Imma just be over here with some popcorn, watching the sparks, not giving an opinion because that is a train-wreak. 🍿 it sounds like a good storyline for a soap opera, tho.
First story, Maddie definitely needs some counseling, and to realize that she's overstepping boundaries that OP has quite reasonably set. It sounds like she has already overstepped some, otherwise why would these rules be placed? She definitely has reason to feel this way, but from an outside perspective, it's always up to the bio parents
First story: Just because they are in a threesome, it does not actually mean they are in a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory is a lot deeper than simply having a threesome more than once (meaning that it would actually have to mutually mean more to everyone). No, Maddy doesn't deserve the hate she may be getting. But also she doesn't have a right to control anything about the baby. Plus, even if it was a polyamorous relationship, Maddy still has no control over Jasper and OP's decisions about the baby.
For the first time I disagree with Dabney's judgement, in the 1st story. They are NOT in a relationship, which they have had a long talk about and have clarified. So I don't understand why Maddie insists on being present in the delivery room, or give a name, she is nothing to OP. A one-night-stand, sure, but nothing else, no strings attached. She should be greatful her fiancé and OP are letting her be present during their meetings and decisions, it's just to honour her and to not make her feel threatened, but they are not obligated to do it. She is completely stepping over the line here, she does deserve some AH score.
As for the 1st story. I agree with you completely. The loss of a child is something that no one should ever have to go through. I fear that With my son. She is hurt and she is upset and she's trying to deal with a bad situation in the best way possible.
I suppose I would disagree with you about the thruple situation simply because in case Mattie and Jasper don't stay together then the baby is going to be Jasper and O p's responsibility
Maddie/Mattie doesnt strike me as someone who would leave the child. Youre right that legally she would have no obligation but step parents divorce and still stay in their step childrens lives all the time.
@@TheBenole but that's just the thing though. The baby ultimately doesn't biologically belong to Maddie. And if she decides to leave the thruple then the baby is ultimately Jasper in Op's responsibility. All of the people involved are in their early twenties and still very young so things could very easily change that's just my opinion.
@@Kikyo8887 agree with everything youre saying. But just cause the baby isnt her responsility doesnt mean she wont want to be involved and feel responsible. Step parents divorce all the time. Doesnt mean they also leave their step children. If Maddie sees the child as a step child, which she should, and she leave Jasper, that doesnt mean shes not going to want to be involved. Assuming either Jasper or OP are okay with it.
I was today years old when I learned about the concept of "attractive nuisance". Never let it be said that you can't learn anything from RU-vid. Also, uniting the neighborhood against a Karen ought to count as doing your community a service.
Rslash, as someone who is in a polyamorous relationship. Saying that the second story that the three people are in one. Is really generalizing it. I'm going to have to give you three out of five butthole scores for that. Yes they may be all sleeping together. But that doesn't mean that they're in a relationship. If anything it means that they're all friends with benefits. But if they're saying that sleeping together doesn't mean anything to them emotionally? Then they're not in a polyamorous relationship.
It doesn’t matter if she was involved in a babymaking process, it’s not her kid, she contributed in no way whatsoever to the creation of this kid, she has no right over the child
@@dennisscott1304 What i mean is that in the past, people often saw abuse and neglect as allowable because it was for the family, like parentifcation of older children. It was more common place. But now, more and more people are seeing that just cause youre family, doesnt mean you can be a shitty person. Often times, step parents become the better parent then the original biological ones. Take for example, the dont say gay bill in florida. Some have argued against it because they say it makes kids goes against their parents by taking parents out of some decisions. I say thats a good thing because some parents are fucking stupid and abusive. Point is, being biologically related shouldnt really mean all that much. Love is what matters most.
The first story is a rollercoaster but that woman has NO RIGHT whatsoever or even a little say on ANYTHING regarding the parenting of the baby. It is NOT her baby, its her bf and op baby! Can she suggest a name for the baby? Of course! Can she be during labor? wtf no its not HER moment. Anything else? It depends on their future relationship
Story #1- I can't fathom why noone is cut about the idea that the pregnant lady is the side piece, the fact that jasper is heavily invested in the pregnancy,Maddy is feeling feeling very hurt and alone, possibly traumatised watching her husband plan a baby right under her nose, and be proud of it 🤮 that's dog
YES this!!! poor Maddie lost her child, her partner who she is meant to marry got another girl pregnant and is trying to play house!! everyone missed that huge part, OP isn't the GF just the one who didn't abort/use plan B, I hope Maddie can be happy
I gotta say I disagree OP isn't exactly a "side piece ' they all agreed to a 3some meaning maddy and jasper are probably swingers OP and jasper are co-parents of course he'd be invested its HIS CHILD to call him a dog for that doesn't sit right with me Lastly supposedly maddy was 100% okay with being a single mom however she decided jasper had a right to know and he wanted to be in his child's life
@@Gothymothmoth you're both saying this in a way that makes it look like jasper cheated and op is a homewrecker which from the Information we have just issue true Maddy's judgment is clouded by very understandable trauma but that doesn't change the fact that its clouded
Story 3: With the stuff that happened, including reckless behavior from the kid, good on OP for putting up a fence. That kid didn't fall from a normal part of the playhouse, he fell FROM THE ROOF, where he isn't supposed to be. The NW definitely deserved to be shunned, because she was definitely not being a proper parent.
And from what I've read in the comment,racist to boot. I honestly thought the same as OP at first and assumed the insult in question meant alcoholic only to realize it's a VERY derogatory term. Karens are sadly why we cant have nice things. :-/ Edit- I'd type the actual insult out but got a guideline warning because youtube is becoming trigger happy with censorship, Thanks Susan... >_>
@@Tustin2121 Fair but it still sucks as I had a comment or two removed without warning for alot less. [ F bombs are apparently a no no] That said, sucks that the neighborhood Karen ruined something nice for everybody else and the shunning is definitely warranted. Sometimes it doesn't pay to act entitled to other people's things. :P
