Here's the thing... It shouldn't have been op giving him the hard truths. It should have been OPs dad. I could not imagine being more ashamed of my son was that feckless
@@KingOfMischiefs my bet is that guy won't be such big trash if the parents taught him anything,unless the jerk left by 18 and learned to be a nazi turd because he got friends of same trash bin...
Story 3 is the perfect example of brutal honesty. Brother deserved every word, he's a terrible husband, father, and man. That's a bridge worth burning.
I do think the subreddit needs to have a JAH rating (for "Justified Asshole") because, yeah, he was probably an asshole for the way he worded it, but by joy does that deadbeat big brother deserve every word!
That wasn't brutal honesty. That was honesty at first, and then going on and on and taking a knife out and then going full asshole. Both bros suck in that situation.
@@aarongoodrich6903 the brother pressured his wife to have a baby and then doesn't even care about him, he deserves every word and so much more. The brother was justified in all he said imo, like he could have worded it better but he was still justified in what he said
Last story: I disagree with rSlash on this one. OP's husband deserves the full five out of five, in my opinion. That was a clear as day indicator that they aren't in this together, that the husband doesn't respect OP or have OP's back. Instant divorce material. There's no coming back from this.
Also, infertility can be massively increased by stress and lack of "input" from your spouse. I get the feeling if OP had a better man, medical problem or not, the odds of her needing ivf would be vastly reduced.
Hm.. if he was cheating too, he’d get the 5/5 easy. I dont think this is quite bad enough for the full score, though. Plenty can make this worse. 4.5 is pretty fair. Definitely divorce material, that comment about her infertility is just merciless :(
Yeah, I agree with that. 1. He got married to OP, but he spends the whole week with his FRIEND? 2. He's supposed to respect and have OP's back in everything, but he puts his FRIEND over his WIFE? 3. He pointed out OP's difficulties to have a child as an argument to justify his behaviour? 4. He stole her money. He literally stole from her and got upset she got angry at him, as if she was wrong. Because he wanted to buy a car for his friend. Why do I think this "friend" isn't really a "FRIEND", but actually a BOYFRIEND. Of course, it's natural and healthy for men to have friendships, but friendships in which they ignore their spouse, steals from them, and insults and blames them for not being able to have a child, and then complains when the spouse says "No you can't buy this for your friend"? It doesn't sound like a normal friendship. They *might* be friends and just have this toxic mentality, but they *might* be something else too. Idk. It isn't right to accuse people, it's just that the whole thing sounds weird.
For me he gets the full 5 just for the comment about it being "her fault" they need to try IVF. Never mind the lack of monetary support for the second round, or taking the money. It almost feels like he doesn't want to try again?
The story about the father who did diddly for his kid and wife definitely struck a cord with me. I want to be child free, so marrying a guy that forces me to have a kid and then does that is one of my worst nightmares. Feel for that poor woman.
I am also childfree, and my ex (who was also childfree) told me about the childfree reddit, which has lists of doctors around the world that will perform sterilization services with at most limited reservations, but usually none. Since you have that fear, it might be something to look into.
pharynx007 that is a good starting point but our previous gyn is on that list and won’t. I found that sad when my daughter came to me with the lost furious. We have a new one will will talk to at some point.
The story about the father neglecting the newborn. That one stung. A 16 yo had to yell at his older brother and the parents got angry at the teenager. He did what they should have done. No AH scores for the teenager. I do agree with rslash that perhaps their relationship is tarnished but assuming the wife was there and heard it. She probably loves her nephew a little more for standing up for her. I know I would.
I disagree with rSlash on the relationship thing: the brother already was burning bridges when OP witnessed his abusive behavior. The damage was already done, and OP just called it to the forefront instead of doing one of those “avoiding talking to him” and “making excuses not to see him” things. By calling it out, a new bridge might be built if the brother gets his act together, one where the brother doesn’t see OP has his baby brother but as the cognizant adult he is.
@@Tustin2121 Exactly. Maybe, just maybe, some day the older brother will say to the younger brother, "Thank you for having the courage to call me out. I was really blind, and you opened my eyes."
@@Tustin2121 I totally agree with you! Sibling relationships have weathered through much worse than a well deserved ass chewing. The OP stepped in to protect and advocate for the life and well being of a baby, his brother’s baby. The parents should have done it, but they were apparently too cowardly to do so. He was brave and mature and placed the needs of his sister in law and child as the number one priority. If anything op’s brother might finally have been slapped hard enough… finally… with the actual reality of his life circumstances and responsibilities and come to realize he has everything to lose. The brother was advocating for his future and his families, regardless of tact. Unless the brother is an utter narcissist who should never have married or had a child… because this was the obvious path this would have headed down, unless the brother is in therapy actively working to improve his interpersonal relations.. it might take time for the brothers to to move on, but at the moment that isn’t the relationship the brother should be focusing on anyways.
That's what golden child syndrome looks like. No matter what that asshole does, he will never face consequences because of his parents. OP shouldn't have to be the only adult in the family.
I don't have to finish the first story to say this. Boyfriends do not go on the title of the house you just inherited. Husbands can. But do not put your Boyfriend on it.
Husband's can go on the house, but not necessarily in an inheritance. If the house was inherited it stays with OP fully and completely outside any settlement during any divorce procedures. If he was on the house, now her family inheritance is now being divided.
@@Fireguy97 I see what you are saying. I personally would put my wife on the house if I inherited one. But if anyone else refused to, I wouldn't blame them.
@@Fireguy97 Wouldn't that depend on the marriage type? At least where I live, there are three types of marriage contract : one where both spouses share everything, both before and during marriage; one where they keep their previous possessions as theirs but everything after is "common" and the last is just "to each their own" and only the thing they buy in common is shared. That being said, I'm not sure how inheriting come into play with those.
Third story: what OP said was the truth. Sometimes people say "truth hurts" to avoid consequences of stating the truth (or just to justify being a stone cold butthole). But honestly truth can hurt, but it can also have consequences for both parties. And you just gotta accept that.
Right? They told him nicely over the phone, they sat him down and talked it out. The brother just got defensive and refused to take responsibility. He desperately needed a slap in the face because OP wasn't wrong: He will lose his family if he keeps it up.
@@CroobieLetter totally agree. And to be fair, I don't think there a snowball's chance in hell that this deadbeat a**hole will not be divorced before he hits 30. Come on, he cried because his waaaaaay more mature SIXTEEN YEAR OLD brother gave him the piece his mother should have served him. And the parents wanting OP to apologize, well, now we know where that spineless dirtbag of a brother got his attitude. Holy sh*t, if I had a son/daughter and put a stunt like this on him/her and my wife, my mother would go full Amos Burton on me. Not joking, I'm talking ICU and permanent damages here.
3rd story: NTA. That father is a horrible person. I said this on another video with the exact story. If they had a girl, I don't even know OP'S brother would take care of her. AT ALL. OP was correct on calling out the brother like that. THE BROTHER DESVERED THAT CALLOUT. It's sad to see that OP, a 16 year old boy is actually acting more mature than a grown adult.
I agree, like I'm sure OP knows he might have damaged some of his relationship with his brother...but his brother deserves it. He's being a major jerk towards his wife and child. Heck I'd do the same if my brother was acting that way.
The 16 year old brother is much more of a man than the 26 year old. Kudos to the younger brother for advocating for the needs of his family and shame on the older brother.
@@mememe1216 That's basically the story. Here's what the title basically is. "AITA for calling out my older brother for being a horrible husband and father"? What really annoys me is that the SIL didn't even wanted a kid and was forced to have one. Which leads me back to my comment about them having a girl instead of a boy. I feel that the brother would be an even worse father then based off of this post.
Second story: I bought the house my wife and I are living in, but I have never said I’m the only one who paid for it. I have always said it’s OUR house we bought. What kind husband needs a confidence booster like that? 🤦🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️😂😂😂
A weak willed, feeble-minded conservative with something to prove to all his manly men friend group that judge him based on how much of a 1950's kind of man he is? Just guessing here.
Yeah, its a pretty weird flex. I'd expect most partners to simply say "we bought a house". Not a great sign that he's thinking this way and surely already telling this lie.
This kinda fits into the toxic masculinity bubble, some guys are really obsessed over the "provider" role, or at least having the appearance of the provider. Some of those douches think it's "the man's job" to buy the house on his own as a symbol of pride. Modern days has created an odd dynamic where these kinds of men enjoy reaping the benefits of feminism (like women working and being able to own property and bank accounts) while still wanting to hold onto the benefits of traditional gender roles. Benefits such as the impressing other men by showing what a good provider you seemingly are or that other story. The one where, despite his wife (that he coerced into having a baby) having a full time job he expects her to still uphold trad wife duties because "he's the man".
Update on Story 3: OP showed his brother his post, and as a result, the brother fed his baby. So he's taking a step in the right direction, it seems. Although OP did say he planned on apologizing for the divorce comment.
Final story. Both of my kids are IVF babies. I can't imagine going through all those treatments and hardships without full partnership and support and the physical requirements for me were effectively 0 compared to my wife. A "partner" placing blame or fault on the other, not just in words, but actually expecting some sort of punishment is.... I don't even have the words for it. Isn't the pain of seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month enough? How about the financial burden? How about the crazy things all the hormones and drugs she has to take does to her body and mind? What about the fact that they literally have to knock her out and stab her ovaries while you jerk off in another room? That's not enough "punishment" for you?! Don't you claim to love this woman? But instead of supporting her and being a real man, you rub salt in her already tender wounds. I need to stop typing or I'm going to be angry all day.
If OP is smart, she'll take that money and leave. Tying herself to this loser for life by having a kid with him would be a HUGE mistake. The IVF failing the first time might be a blessing in disguise.
I don't even know what to write: I didn't know the details, but I knew it was less than fun (basic human empathy). I totally get needing to stop writing to avoid day-long fury. Love to you and your family.
Last story: the husband gets 5 out of 5. He said for her to pay for it herself. She did! With her money! That he STOLE!!! This is absolutely divorce worthy. He's not supportive of her medical issues, he took HER money that she saved up for HER medical issue that he says isn't his problem and that she should take care of it herself... while he's actively taking the money for that exact reason! Full 5 out of 5. Divorce worthy imo
Ehh more 4 out of 5. I have a limited understanding on the matter, hence I will refrain from having a strong opinion. If it is a joint account, can’t he take money out whenever he pleases? Also if this is true, how would the police do anything with the friend if the money was transferred to him legally? Quite honestly if someone gave me money, then their wife threatened to inprison me if I didn’t give it back, I might would of just told her to “piss off karen”. Of course I would assume that he didn’t know the full gravity of the situation.
@@johndalasfox6077 they're close friends, he would've known that she was about to have ivf because lile the husband said he would give it back on time for them to pay. Also no its 5 out of 5, he was hurtful and cruel, he also did steal money, it's 11k, if she can prove its all hers from bank transactions that show it, as well as her husband admitting thay he never added the money and sent it without her consent, despite him being able to take it oit, he can get done especially since its such a large sum
wtf are you talking about? they are married. unless they have some sort of prenup there is no stealing in marriage. also it kinda feels like he doesnt care to have a kid and she is the one that wants it, maybe even against his wishes.
For the last one: Didn't OP's husband actually say "You're the one with the fertility issues not me" cause holy shit that is some 5/5 butthole language! He and his friend can go get married instead if he wants to act like that. I personally wouldn't try for kids ever again with someone who said that to me.
That husband was totally toxic, I agree with you. The good thing is, she doesn't need him to have a baby. There are plenty of donors she can choose from.
Final story: NTA. That was OP’s- AND HER FATHER’S- money, not the husband. If he wanted to help his friend so badly, he should’ve used his own money or taken out a loan. Also, that husband sounds SUPER toxic and manipulative. “It’s YOUR fault we can’t have kids so I took your money that you were saving so we could have kids to make up for it. You should be thanking me for being so forgiving.” If anything, OP should be grateful that they don’t have kids so she can divorce him. Let him live with his friend (who apparently would take his wife’s money for his friend) and see how long he lasts, especially without OP’s money.
@@lacko623 officially ops husband bust of been blind folded when he perposed becease he excudently perposed too op not the freind he's glued ass too mouth with op should really rethink there marriage he's toxic and seems to offically love his friend more then the person he married Soo if I was op I'd ask for a devorce lawyer and if the man thanks that's too fare I'd goo what you offically thank your friend is more important then me who was trying to get fertile treatments so we could have kids op don't need kids with these man ether once you pop out one hell leave you with it alone because he's br to busy with his friend then help you with the baby
Story 4: Taking the boy on the vacation would've just enabled his _destructive_ misbehaving. Good call, OP. Like, who would reward that sort of behavior?
Even more nuts that the family members are guilt tripping OP. Why should he risk having to deal with this obnoxious kid for two WEEKS, ruin his other nephews trip, and pay for it in the bargain? Hell no!
Fourth story: NTA. Actions, meet consequences. Also, if the relatives feel so sorry for the nephew then THEY can take him. Let’s see how long they last.
Honestly, the kid sounds neurodivergent. The kid becoming overwhelmed enough by a small change in routine (not having waffles) to act out in that way is characteristic of Autism. Of course it's possible the mom just doesn't teach him, but his responses are very characteristic of a kid with autism and possibly adhd as well. This is coming from someone who has both myself. It's impossible to say for sure based on a single interaction, but if I'm right, I hope that child gets the diagnosis, treatment, and accommodations he will need in life.
First story: OP posted an update where she drew up an agreement she didn’t expect him to sign, he agreed to sign it and made amendments that weren’t in OP’s favor, they fought and then they broke up.
Story 3: Of course it hurts, it has to hurt, being a s*** person and being told about it of course it hurts, but the brother had that coming. It does not matter if it is his house he acted like a despicable person he got what he deserved. If he could hear his brother cry he could have said something like "just go to sleep" so he could learn how it is being treated like that.
The guy's pain will never be higher than his wife's, physically or mentally. She risked dying to create something HE wanted. The dude deserves to be left alone with the baby for a month, but he'd probably kill it.
I disagree with the 3rd one, it was 100% needed, yes, the relationship is probably destroyed at this point, but it was needed. wanting to LEAVE a baby AT HOME while GOING OUT TO DINNER!
The third story is what happens when you marry the guy that wanted to claim he bought the house. My husband wanted kids where a I didn’t. We had a accidental pregnancy and then a planned one so my kids would have each other when we die. My husband that wanted the family refused to do any childcare. The kids and myself are a unit that just herds my adhd husband around like we are cattle dogs and he is a cow.
Right, who the hell cares about how everyone is gonna supposedly look different at OP now?? 💀 That shit don't matter, 0%. The wake up call was 100% justified.
It may of been needed, true. But it still was quite disrespectful to insult someone like that in their own home. What I have noticed about Dabney is that he has a hard time understanding that two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because the husband was being rude and self centered doesn’t mean his brother gets to be a jerk about it. How one could not see that as an a**hole move is beyond me.
@@johndalasfox6077 Next thing you're gonna say is that it's rude and disrespectful to arrest someone for murder in their own house. What does it matter? He deserved every single word of that.
Third story: Truth hurts sometimes and if that’s what it take for him to wake up then it was worth it. It bothers me how much other men say that things aren’t their responsibilities when they clearly are. Whether it’s marriage or parenthood it’s a team and things need to be divided fairly and reasonably.
First story: I'd say if HE trusted OP and thought their relationship would last, he wouldn't worry about it. My dad and his gf have been together for 12 years, my dad had just declared bankruptcy after divorcing my mother when he and his gf got together. The house is entirely hers, but he designed his 40 × 40 garage and she paid the 100 000 $ for the materials (he's a carpenter and built it himself). Legally everything is hers. They both agreed that if sh¡t hits the fan, he'll just move into the garage and they'll get along. But they still trust their relationship enough to 1. Have difficult conversations like this with no harm done to their relationship and 2. Trust in each other enough that they know it won't happen because they love and respect each other.
Third story: The brother neglects his child and tries to defend it by saying he works even though his wife does too and then says he’s a man to justify his actions further as if it’s supposed to mean something. Justified reaction imo
If I were in OPs shoes, I would probably apologize for some of the things he said, like the whole "she could find someone better, and I can see divorce in your future". That may have been a tad bit much. But I would definitely reiterate, that he needed a wake-up call because he's not setting a good example.
Especially for the sole point of him pressuring his wife to have a kid. He acts like a 8 years old wanting a dog but not the responsabilities that come with it.
Story 3: I hate how people suddenly side with the one who cries after being scolded even if they deserve to be scolded. The brother deserved that yelling. Oh his poor little feelings were hurt?? GOOD maybe he’ll actually learn from this!!
Honestly, I would have attacked him even harder. He's a grown ass man and he's crying. He gave no crap when his infant child was crying and thought it was a good idea to leave a baby alone and their own waste while he has fun eating. Oh, and he wished his annoying kid would shut up because they are too noisy. Children, especially infants, need to be loud, annoying, messy and grumpy because that is what growing up is. If he didn't want to raise a child and do the hard work that is begin a parent, then he shouldn't have had kids. Oh, he's tired. So what, that kids needs all the attention and care possible because they are going through the hurdles of life for the first time. Kids don't care about how tired you are because they are trying to live as best as they can with no life experience to go off of. He needs to grow up. Also, OP shouldn't apologize because that negligent behavior could have resulted in serious harm for the child. What would happen to child if the wife died. Would they just to a foster home because the dad couldn't be bothered. Eff that dad.
When the “so many people” telling you that you’re the A-hole are all related to the opposition; you must turn to the faceless entity that is the internet. Even married people sometimes don’t put their spouse’s name on inherited property.
Story 3: I know someone that’s a lot like OP’s brother, and he didn’t get better until some of his friends Cut him off, and everyone else didn’t want to see him for almost a year . Sometimes it that harsh love that people need to get better.
Story 3: For _fuck sake_ rSlash! He deserved to be called out! Who cares if it was in his house or in front of family? This isn't the first time you've given ops grief for doing this. Shitty people deserve to called out, regardless as to whether or not it's in their house or around their family!
Agree 100%! If shit for brains couldn’t see how his wife was suffering, how his actions were essentially neglect, etc., then he deserved to be hauled out on the carpet. He was a garbage excuse for a husband/father and he needed to have his face rubbed in it. Damage the relationship? Who the hell cares if his wife and baby are better off for it? R/slash dropped the ball on this one.
Story 2: as Rslash was reading it I started chanting "pre-nup pre-nup" so I felt very vindicated when he suggested that as well. Story 3: here however I have to disagree. the brother deserved every word and considering the type of person he is who cares if his relationship is damaged. it probably wasn't that good to start with. Story 5: DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THAT MAN! That bull about it being her problem so she should have to pay to fix it, I've never yelled divorce so quick in my life. Get out GET OUT!
I was chanting “divorce” at the screen by the end of story 5, and am disappointed rSlash didn’t say it too. Take that IVF money out and use it to file for divorce.
I really don't understand how someone you're not married to thinks they deserve your inheritance. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure they'd be singing another tune. Also note it was only his half of the family saying bs.
Third story: Something tells me OP has no interest maintaining a relationship with a neglectful dad and emotionally abusive husband, except to make sure his SIL and niece are okay. But honestly his brother DESERVED to be insulted as a man, a father, and a husband, because he is none of those things.
Seriously, the boyfriend is the first story is literally living their rent free & now he wants his fucking name on OP’s house!!! Putting your name on a house isn’t easy because you have to pay the mortgages & rent too.
Story 5: Op get your money together in a separate account now it's clear he doesn't respect your boundaries and then proceeds to gaslight you when you went to take the money back that he STOLE and who's to say he won't steal again
The fact that the parents are more concerned with OP apologising for hurting the brother's feelings rather than double down on holding him accountable for gross child neglect and spousal abuse shows how he got his entitled mentality.
So usually I would give someone at least a partial butthole score for a personal attack like that, but this is one of those times that I feel like it's justified. I mean, she's right he's being a neglectal father and husband and husbands like that often do get divorced because the wife doesn't want to be in a single relationship, the wife would want a partner and right now she doesn't really have that. So I think that wake up call is 100% justified and even if there are consequences for it, it was a morally okay thing to do.
Going to have to disagree completely on story 3. If the brother changes for the better, then he should recognize that OP is the reason for that and be thanking the hell out of him. If the bridge is burned, it's because the brother refuses to change and acknowledge his flaws. Ultimately, OP shouldn't want a relationship with his brother who is AN ABUSER should he refuse to change and should instead focus entire on his nibling and SIL.
Yeah, it was a weird callout on rSlash’s part. The relationship was already damaged when OP saw how the brother acted; OP would be avoiding him already if he hadn’t called him out.
@@Tustin2121 I think it's because he has a brother himself and is projecting I love RSlash, but he has a habit of using his own perspective if it even slightly relates to him For example the woman trying to flee her ex, while pregnant with his kid Rslash is a father, so if he was in said situation, being denied seeing his own kid, that'd upset him, and he runs with that, despite him and OPs ex being nothing alike
*First OP:* The title alone gives OP the NTA score. I'm surprised her boyfriend's family was giving OP heat for not putting her boyfriend's name on the house instead of the boyfriend himself. Where _was_ OP's boyfriend when his family called OP a "rhymes-with-witch?" *First OP Update:* OP should break up with her boyfriend. This will only end in tears. Ooh, rSlash made a good point about the will! *Second OP:* How would OP's fiance feel if OP took all the credit for something the fiance contributed? OP is NTA, and she should see this as a red flag. *Third OP:* This sounds similar to another AITA post, but OP is the husband's mom instead of the brother. Assuming this story is true, OP is NTA. His brother needs to be told what a horrible husband and father he is. If OP's brother doesn't change his ways, I sincerely hope his wife leaves him and takes the baby. Even better if OP's parents take her in until she gets back on her feet. *Fourth OP:* This is pretty straightforward. OP's 8-year-old nephew was disrespectful to OP and his belongings and got faced with the consequence. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* It's bad enough that OP's husband stole money for the IVF treatment to help his friend get a new car. It's even worse considering that it's OP's money! Then OP's husband gave OP that low blow. OP is NTA. She should divorce her husband and let his friend take care of him. As heartbreaking as infertility is, it's probably a good thing that OP can't have a baby with that guy. I apologize if I come off as insensitive. That's not my intention.
In the third story, OP is not a butthole. He's calling out a misogynistic "father" who has done nothing to help his hardworking wife. He needed that kind of wake up call because his parents couldn't do it. There's a reason why OP's brother turned out the way he did- it's clear he was likely not taught proper responsibility, let alone the responsibility of a father.
Yes, for the third story, that wake up call was ABSOLUTELY needed. I'd happily burn the bridge with a brother if they were that of an excuse of a husband and dad.
3rd story: That was probably the coldest shower OP's brother has ever had and ever will have, but hopefully it serves as a really strong wake-up call 'cause that guy seriously needed it - in every area of critique. I think rSlash might be right about their relationship being damaged after that, but at the same time, if OP's brother steps up and becomes a present dad and husband, perhaps it's worth it. Hopefully OP gets the chance to apologise when this change has occured and they can have an adult conversation about it all.
Op is NTA. I mean yeah it was harsh, but sometimes brutal honestly is necessary. I know that brutal honestly can be seen as really shitty and I agree that it is im most cases. But in this case I think it was justified.
OP shouldn’t ever apologize if it was indeed what the brother needed to wake up. Brother should be the one to apologize for being an ass and/or thank OP for smacking him awake, assuming this works out for the better. And if it doesn’t, the relationship was damaged already anyway when OP saw how shit his brother was.
3rd story: As someone who also takes too long to see my mistakes, OP was absolutely right to tear into the father like that. Sometimes the only way people can learn is the hard way.
First story- why would she put her bf on her house title, especially after the way his parents reacted. OP gets 0/5 🍑 BF’s parents get 1,835/5 🍑 BF gets 972/5 🍑
Story 3 sounds like a recipe for an abusive parent. Yelling at the baby to go to sleep???? Insisting on leaving the NEW BABY home ALONE?!?!?? If the partner weren't there to actually provide care, I would be genuinely afraid for the child's safety.
4th Story: Definitely NTA. The OP recognized that he could barely handle that 8yo and his behavior for even one weekend, so he correctly judged that he could not handle him for two weeks. He's being a responsible adult and saying "Nope, I'm not up for this." Final Story: Also definitely NTA, and giant red flags that OP's husband probably doesn't actually want kids. Even if he does, trying to raise a child with him would probably end up in an awful situation like the 3rd story, with him putting in no effort.
that last story made me physically sick! Granted, my kiddo came completely unplanned, but we have good friends who stuggled for years, and the toll is immense. That, I don't even have the words for what I think of the husband, needs to go marry his friend instead, or just get lost! Argh, I'm so angry and sad on her behalf!
I really hope the OP in the last story gets away from her toxic husband. The way he's treating her is not how a spouse should be treating their partner. The OP from the story where the fiancé wants to lie about the house, I think she should find a way to casually bring up the fact that she paid 70% of the house to the different people attending the wedding. Then when he makes the speech, he'll just embarass himself.
The baby story pisses me off so much. My oldest sons father was like that, now my husband is an amazing father he does everything along with me, when our second was born my husband was up with me every night when our son was awake I would feed him he would change and burp him and we would put him to bed together. I can’t imagine having a bad guy and an unsupportive guy in my life or my sons lives.
My family, on both sides, r mostly comfortable with traditional gender roles. Those that switch things around, everyone else is cool with. NONE OF THE MEN/FATHERS IN MY FAMILY R LIKE THAT DEADBEAT DAD. VERY SHAMEFUL.
Third story: Some people need a hard wake up call to avoid disaster. I needed a few like this and it made my relationships BETTER with my family. If that man child cuts ties instead of changing there’s no hope for him.
I remember reading the 3rd story when it had just been posted and I could already hear Dabney's voice in my head narrating this while I was reading it!
Third story: NTA, OP absolutely needed to do what they did, otherwise nothing would have changed. And yeah, their relationship might be damaged, but it would be an awful relationship either way, regardless of if he had said something or not.
Story 3: The fact that a 16 year old had a better understanding of how to be a father than his 26 year old brother says volumes. Damn the fact he got cussed out in his house because HE DESERVED EVERY BIT OF IT.
For the first story iv been the guy in this situation, my current wife was in the middle of a lawsuit when we first got together, she won and got a settlement and since ALL off her pain trouble and suffering where hers alone i refused to touch/use/ or accept money directly from her..So yea NTA and dude a gold digger.
Story 2 is red flags!!! While one seemingly small fight is not break-up worthy, there are some pretty concerning implications about the fiance's motivations.... He feels the need to appear publicly dominant over OP to the point of lying unnecessarily to a crowd, is clearly insecure, and obsessed with a false notion of what masculinity is. Not only that, but his response to OP's very sane and reasonable response was to gaslight her. What should be a minor argument is a small window into some very concerning implications about the fiance's sense of identity at the expense of his partner 👀👀 Maybe don't call off the wedding, but definitely clarify boundaries and seek therapy.
OMGosh on the BF thinking he should be named on the house. He’s got some nerve. When my Nana died I inherited the Family Estate, it’s been in the family since early 1700’s. In our family, nothing goes to spouses. It’s all kept in the bloodline. My husband has zero claim to the Estate or contents nor the money, etc. I told him about it before we married and that it’s all in a Trust that is ironclad and has been for centuries. He had/has no problem with any of it. When I die, it all goes to our daughter. Even if I die tomorrow, it all goes to her. Again, no issues whatsoever. We make jokes about it all time, actually. If I get a sniffle, my hubby says ‘get that checked out, you’re worth more alive than dead’! 😂 I joke with him about his life insurance that he’s worth more dead than alive. We have very dark senses of humour. Happily married 25+ years, no issues. We just aren’t fussed about money and owning things. We have a modest home, easy to clean, and average vehicles. If you’re arguing about money before marriage, don’t get married. Arguing isn’t going to make money magically appear or solve anything.
That was a pretty weird spiel to have about OP’s relationship with his brother, especially when it didn’t end up contributing to OP’s butthole score. I’d argue that the damage to the relationship was already done the moment OP saw how his brother treated his wife and child. Like if OP has said nothing, he’d still likely distance himself from his brother for that horrible behavior. By snapping like that, OP was making the brother aware of the damage already done, and potentially saving the relationship in the long run if the brother ends up getting his act together. I also think there’s a dynamic here with the age gap. OP is 16, the brother was 26? OP was born when the brother was 10, and the brother was out of high school before OP hit middle school. I’m willing to bet that brother doesn’t think OP is anything more than a clueless kid, so when OP snapped and called him on his bullshit, it was probably something like “oh, shit, he’s not little anymore! And he thinks I suck?! He’s always looked up to me! What the hell??” And it sounds like that’s the sort of wake up call the brother needed. OP should not apologize for trying to get his brother back on track.
The guy insists on having a kid and convinces his wife to have one against her wishes. He then refuses to do absolutely anything to actually help. If that kid was a girl instead of a boy, then it would definitely be even worse. OP is NTA, but their brother is an enormous one.
Omg!!! The last one, the house one, and nephew one made my blood boil the most! The NERVE of that last husband, she needs to divorce that pos! He doesn’t love or respect her.
“He’s just high spirited” He literally caused property damage because he didn’t get what he wanted. He took scissors and purposefully cut up OP’s shirt. That kid is a nightmare and does not deserve to go on vacation.
The kid definitely needs to be disciplined but he's 8 to be fair I've had my nieces and nephews go on full meltdowns because what I view as small things they don't have enough life experience to compare things to do to an adult having to eat vegetables before desert or not having what you want is a mild inconvenience to a kid it's the biggest injustice in the world there's usually a reason kids misbehave it's not as simple as a kid is fundamentally a nightmare as a aunt I still would've taken him but reinforced my boundaries and talked to them
Third story: The first generation of great grandchildren for my grandparents is the son of a cousing of mine who is younger than me. He used to be lazy, but when his son came he put his big man pants and went for a job and also gives time to his kid. OP's brother deserved those comments 100%.
Story 2: I have to respectfully disagree with Dabney. To me, that is break-up worthy, or at the very least should be the catalyst for OP to reflect on Future Groom's behavior throughout the relationship. He is trying to belittle the contribution that OP has made to their home. He doesn't respect her, her sacrifices, or the effort she is putting into their relationship. He only cares about how he looks to others and stroking his own ego. AND he's so immature that he's giving her the silent treatment because she doesn't want him to entirely dismiss her contribution to their home, to which she contributed the lion's share, IN HIS F-ING GROOM'S SPEECH AT THEIR F-ING WEDDING?! Seriously?! I don't know if I would want to be with someone who is so blatantly trying to minimize and ignore me and my "half" of the work I put into our relationship At Our Wedding In Front Of Both Our Families in order to build only himself up, then pouts and tries to emotionally manipulate me like a five-year-old when he doesn't get his way. This is a BIG ol' Red Flag to me about how he thinks about himself versus the way he thinks about the person he's chosen as a life partner, and it ain't pretty. I'd be heading to couple's counseling with him to hash out why it's so important to him to take the credit for OP's hard work and the sacrifices she made to help get them set up for their future together in such a public way, and getting a prenup before I'd head to the altar with him, that's for damned sure!
I saw the 3rd story yesterday and I think OP was more than justified to tell his brother what a horrible person he is. That 16 year old is way more of an adult than his brother and their parents are crappy for not saying something to the older son. That being said, there is a better way it could have been said.
That first story makes my blood boil. OP's bf isn't entitled to the house and, also, they're dating. Sure, they've been dating for a while but they aren't married. They could break up tomorrow and they could go through a nasty court battle over it. It reminds me of a story my mom tells me, how she had two boyfriends before my dad and when she gave them money toward buying a car, she never saw that money back and the car wasn't half hers because even though she paid half, she wasn't on the title for it. She lost her money to someone she ended up not spending her life with. Imagine what could happen to OP's house. OP has a good head on her shoulders. If it matters that much to him, he can rather propose and get on the title now, deal with it and then be able to propose when he's ready, or they can split now so he can find his own house and he can get his name on that title.
The brother in the 3rd story deserved to hear the harsh truth about him being a useless father, husband, and human being. Screw his feelings. What about his wife and baby's feelings? That guy deserved to have his feelings hurt, hopefully it will be the wakeup call he needs. I hope the wife leaves him, because being a single mom (which is basically what she already is,) is better than being with a misogynist who admittedly sees her as his servant.
R/slash on the third story: “your older brother is probably never going to look at you the same again.” Well the OP is probably never going to look at his older brother the same again after witnessing his big failure, so it seems pretty even in that case.
3:30. Red flags! The fact that he even wants to bring up the house is a sign that he is one of those people who wants to impress others with what they have. Aside from him lying about who paid for it (wrong), he isn’t the one who scrimped and saved and didn’t do things they wanted to in order to pay for 70% of the house. RED FLAGS!
Hey, RSlash! I'm currently 16, but I have been watching you for a while now and have now gotten my first job. Your daily upload has become a part of my routine and I look forward to it every day. Thank you so much for uploading and I hope you have a great day!
First story, the boyfriend’s family is extremely toxic and is showing all kinds of red flags. He’s not her husband so he doesn’t get to go on the deed, especially with how he’s acting. His family is toxic, he’s being toxic, and it’s your house. Him and his family are showing so many warnings signs that you really need to run.
Story 3: When you have a child, you and your spouse NEED to take care of them. You *DO NOT* constantly run away from the responsibilities. Having a job DOES NOT mean you can avoid responsibilities. On another note, OP probably stabbed a little too deep with those words, but the brother did need that wake-up call.
No way! OP told his dumb brother what he needed to hear. If he is NOT willing to step up as a father or a husband, then he shouldn't be shocked if he gets hit with divorce. Also, I find it...concerning that the brother forced his wife to give birth, even though she didn't want children
Yeah. he needs taht wakeup however harsh it'd be. and honestly. not pulling punches, rather, words in that scenario is the most SURE way of making the wakeup call work
Op in 3rd story did what no one would have been willing to do until it was it was too late. Husband in last story definitely is the type to divorce if she got cancer and probably wouldn't help with the baby they are trying to create. Leave him op before you are permanently stuck with him.
For that story with the deadbeat dad of a brother. Doesn't matter if the relationship is damaged. Sounds like the OP doesn't want to have such a sad excuse of a man, a father, and a person as anbrother and I wouldn't either.
Third story- the way I see it, the brother needed to hear it from SOMEBODY, and it should be from a family member rather than some random Yoo-hoo off the streets. That said, OP KINDA took it a tiny bit too far but it was warranted. Also… “responsible for sports and teaching him how to be a man?” Right… Op gets -356/5 🍑 Brother gets 929/5 🍑 and 856 reality checks
fourth story, the solution is very simple. Tell them you take the little monster, but every time he misbehaves, you charge em a fee. let's see HOW EAGER they are to let him go then.
Good morning everyone!!!!! Gonna keep it short and sweet today so let's get going! 1st Story: Yeah no, the fact that your not even married means he's not entitled to Jack sh*t. I agree with what Rslash said about their will. You will add him to the house when they put you in there will, and it has to be for half. 2nd Story: I've heard this story before and my answer stays the same. Leave him!!! Red flag city, if he didn't care it wouldn't matter. He just wants to lift up his fragile ego at your expense. 3rd story: NTA, but yeah your words are pretty harsh. Maybe he did need it that harsh, but did you really want to be the one to do it. Not the asshole at all but yeah your brother may not ever speak to you again. 4th story: I 100% agree with Rslash, it is absolutely a privilege not a right. One that he had to earn and absolutely food not earn it. You don't earn it you don't get to go end of story. 5th story: oh boy v.v . Ok just heard the title let's go i guess........ ok and now that I've listened to it. OUCH! That's all I can say is f**king ouch. Op nta you partner is 5/5 a**holes for me. Leave him please just leave him
Story 4 is a great lesson in actions having consequences. Simple as that! If he took the awful nephew to the beach, he'd be rewarding his destructive, nightmarish behavior. That's a hard pass
House jerk score sheet for 'should the SO be on it, at least without marriage?': Inherited: NO Bought before relationship: NO Bought as a pair: YES, barring mitigating circumstances
Story 3: could it have been approached more civilly? Yes. Should a kinder approach have been done? Debatable. He and family know his brother best, and if you feel it necessary to just insult him straight up to wake him up, it's his prerogative. However, words have power and actions have consequences. If their parents tell him to apologize, that must've stung HARD. And for the sake of reconciliation and repair of their brotherly bonds, he needs to sit down and have a one on one talk. Probably also to explain himself in a calm and neutral way, and reinforce the message that his big bro should do better.
OP said a kinder approach was tried previously and it did jack shit. So the insult option was the next step. Also, OP should never have to apologize. If the callout works, the brother should be thanking him for getting him back on track.
The last story and what rSlash said reminded me of my great-aunt. She married a deadbeat who cheated on her throughout her pregnancies. He was lazy, abusive, and a thief. When my great-aunt had cancer, the deadbeat lied to my great-grandparents and grandma about their daughter/sister's chemo schedule, if she's taking her medicines, etc. When my grandma came over to visit her sister, she immediately called her parents because my great-aunt was missing 3 weeks worth of chemo and medicine. Her husband was supposed to drive her to the hospital and give her the medicine, but he didn't. Instead he left her alone for hours until the boys (she had 2 sons) came home from school to be with his side piece. My grandma had to drive her sister to the hospital and met their parents there so the doctors can check her. They found out that the cancer spread and was in its last stage. The doctors told everyone that my great-aunt may have weeks to live if not less. My great-grandpa was pissed at his son-in-law for straight-up neglecting his daughter and wanted to kill him, but my great-grandma stopped him because she didn't want to lose him as well. My great-aunt told them that her husband blamed her for having cancer and being so ugly from it. My great-aunt passed a week after that in 1979. That deadbeat didn't show up to her funeral, instead he was marrying his side piece. He forced the boys to go to his wedding instead of their own mother's funeral. Literally! My great-grandparents and grandma were willing to drive the boys, who were 13 and 8 during the time, to the funeral and sent the day with them. But their deadbeat father said no and lied that he'll drive them to the funeral. Days after not seeing their grandsons, my great-grandparents called their so-called father to see if their grandsons can visit them. The douchebag gave my great-grandpa different addresses for each grandson. My great-grandpa asked what was with the different addresses. The asshole sent the youngest son to a boarding school and the oldest son to the military immediately after he got married. Saying that "The boys were killing the mood with their crying and wanting their mommy back." My great-grandpa yelled at him over the phone. "You're a heartless and sorry excuse for a man, you son of a bitch! My grandsons just lost their mother, and you didn't even let them see her for the last time. Instead you forced them to go to a fucking wedding. I should have killed you that day, but unlike you, I am a man and didn't because I promised my wife I won't. If you were a father and a man, then you would have comfort your sons in this time of need. But instead, you tossed your own flesh-and-blood out of your life like expired milk. You better watch your back." The douche hanged up the phone and moved to a different state. My great-grandparents did their best to get their grandsons out of the military and boarding school, but they couldn't because their father was the only one that could. They did go to court, but the court said that because one parent is still alive, they can't really give my great-grandparents any rights. My grandma tried to get them out as well, but the court ruled for the douchebag.
