r/AmITheA**hole for Telling My Husband's Family that He's a Swinger? 

What really gets me about the engagement ring story ist the line: "they said I could even keep my wedding band" as if they had any right to any belongings of op

The swinger story, I think what happened is exactly WHY OP's husband had only her make an account instead of him or both of them. That way all the blame would land on her if things went sideways. A lot of those kinds of sites allow you and your partner to link profiles, so if he had made one his family would have instantly known the truth instead of finding out after harassing OP.

On the bus story: my bet is that the loving husband here doesn’t like the attention his wife gives to others via her gift. He calls her shy and quiet; I’m sure he prefers it when she stays shy and quiet. Complaining about how embarrassed he is when she displays a personality is probably his way of ‘managing’ her. Ugh.

Fourth story: The moment OP said his husband gave her no support against the family harrasment I lost all simpathy for him.

The story of the wife giving the bus drivers cookies just doesn’t compute! A couple weeks ago my family got a deck built for our house. My mom and I knew how hard those guys worked, so we decided to bake them cookies to show our appreciation. They absolutely loved the cookies! I don’t understand how wanting to show appreciation and thanks to someone is embarrassing. Op is wack in that story. Edit: grammar

First story : I feel llike it IS a question of potential divorce when the Husband straight up said "The House is mine and mine only", because it feels like he's ready to kick her out if she's not willing to give him share of the business.

I just became a bus driver recently. Sometimes it's a very thankless job. So hearing about people being nice to bus drivers makes my heart feel warm. I wish more parents were like that.

That last story- I would have brought up what the person who ousted them was doing on that site. Like how did she know they had an account unless she too was using the site

For the bus driver story: appreciation for bus drivers is important! Especially right now because there is a BUS DRIVER SHORTAGE!! The wife is amazing and I bet she gives the servers an extra tip behind the husband's back when they're leaving because he did a 5% tip.

All I have to say about the first story: "If you're not going to be part of my struggles, you don't get to be a part of my success."

Speaking as a teacher, a very underappreciated profession, I LOVE getting cookies from my kids and their parents. Any gift is appreciated, but it takes time and effort to bake homemade cookies, or fudge, or cupcakes and the kids always smile so brightly when I thank them and even try one in front of them. Their pride when they tell me how they helped bake them is priceless. That dad needs to get over himself.

"Diamonds are a scam" proceeds to try to force OP to give up her diamond ring. Entitled hypocrite.

Man, how miserable is OP3? The wife is being nice and giving gifts, and OP3 shames her? Sounds like misery.

The first story: OP should just buy raised portable flower beds and buy bags of soil and mulch to bed the flowers in. It may cost a bit, but that way OP's husband can't claim any of it for himself (even him saying he owned the soil in a shared home is moronic) The Second Story: There are engagement rings that you can get for just a few hundred pounds/dollars etc. These are known to be temporary rings, for those that can't afford anything expensive and are meant to be replaced at a later point in time (most don't though) So OP not wanting to give her own engagement ring, which has sentimental value to her, in no way makes her the A-Hole. OP's son and future DIL are sounding rather materialistic and entitled TBH. The Third Story: When I was a kid, in Primary School (Grade School), at the end of each school year I would get my teacher a small box of chocolates. To thank them for looking after me and teaching me. Now I'm pushing 40 whenever I'm in hospital I give the nurses a big box of chocolates as a thankyou when I'm discharged. Because it's good manners and I want them to feel appreciated.

The flower garden story reminds me of "The Little Red Hen". OP is doing all the work and her husband wants to read the benefits of all the hard work she put onto something he had nothing to do with.

For the bus driver story: I’m a teacher, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that it is not a job for everyone. So whenever I get a gift, it always goes appreciated! Especially if it is handmade because the maker had to spend time and effort to make it just to show someone how much they care about the job the reserver is doing! So I think that the mom in the story is so sweet and so kind and deserves all the love in the world

Oof, that bus driver one stung a bit.... Whenever my husband and I go out to eat somewhere new he likes to ask for the manager, when we're done eating, to compliment them and their waiters and waitresses. I usually am embarrassed by it and get second hand anxiety from it, but what r/Slash said really got to me. That's my husband's love language and there's nothing for me to be embarrassed about, because they all like to hear when they're doing a good job. I feel so stupid for not realizing that. Shout out to you, good sir. I'll do much better with supporting my husband when he does that and I won't be embarrassed by it anymore. Thank you got opening my eyes to that.

For the bus driver story and cookie one; As a nurse trust me we love homemade gifts. I’m sure each bus driver thought that was the most sweetest gift in the world.

I'm a bus driver, thats so thoughtful of the wife. Honestly most of the time it can feel like a thankless job and when a student or parent does something like that, it just makes our whole day.

The 100% story is funny, that husband lost his say in earnings when he scoffed at his wife’s idea of selling flowers.

"Technically this house is mine, not yours" I would have responded with "okay then, if it's your house then I'll stop paying half the rent and you can pay all of it"

First story : Nope, NTA. Your husband should've had your back from the beginning. He is indeed delusional if he thinks he's entitled to anything when he's not even helping.

Id be proud to have a partner that does cookies for the bus driver, establishing good relationships with people in charge of our kids is important.

if the husband wants 50% profits then he can get it, only when he does 50% of the work. Until then, her labour, her gains he sounds like the kind of guy to ask for an open-relationship and get mad when his partner sleeps when someone else

1st Story: Uh, yes that is very much grounds for divorce. Remember how he's already "future proofed" himself after his first divorce? Yeah. And now he wants half the profit of something that he has nothing to do with, causes an argument because now it involves "money", then when he apologises, it's just for the fact that he "may have been rude", but not for the fact that he is acting like a leech - you know, like bankers do. Yes, OP should probably start thinking of getting herself a new place to move her flowers to before his "jealousy" that you (RSlash) so much think that she needs to cope with goes from that to literally destroying them when OP remains firm on her stance. OP doesn't have to work anything out with her husband, he's the one that needs to get his shit together. Probably his attitude is why he got a divorce at least once in the first place. 2nd story: any ring can be a wedding ring, doesn't need to be a diamond ring - doesn't even need to have a gemstone. If OP's son doesn't want to get indebted, well, good news! He doesn't have to! Doesn't OP's son work? That logic seems very stupid if he does have a job. 3rd story: Yes, OP and his friends&mom are idiots. Imagine being embarassed because people know you have a good hearted wife. I can understand the wife's logic and behaviour, whether she's shy or not, showing someone appreciation is **actually** a good thing. They're cookies, not a fucking blowjob. 4th Story: OP's husband is an amazing fuckwit. His family didn't respect him in the first place, much less you, why does he care that they were "disrespected"? He needs to grow a spine and a new set of balls. If he's not religious or not within their beliefs, he has nothing to feel ashamed of. What he should be ashamed of is the fact he let them disrespect you and he decided to keep up the charade instead of just saying "yeah we fuck other people. It's a sin for YOU, not for us. Bye."

First story: OP should officially 'wage' herself from the business (time spent growing, caring for, cutting, and arranging), and feel free to be very generous as a 'joined when start-up' bonus. That and all the other expenses, including repaying back personal funds used as 'loans' to the business getting it set up, should come out before *actual* profit is recorded. Then feel free to give him 50% of that. He may be unimpressed, but if he wants a cut of her wages, she gets a cut of his, too.

The third story: OP should expose the family member that exposed them because to see what they were doing this person probably uses the same platform lol

First Story: OP needs to give her husband a copy of "The Little Red Hen." OP is the Little Red Hen.

The cookie story really had me scratching my head. How is that embarrassing? I would do the same and my husband would agree it's a generous gift. I've done my share of odd jobs during college and sometimes a little appreciation goes a long way.

When I was in elementary and middle school my mom would make up small things of cookies and/or chocolate covered pretzels for me to give to my teachers before we went on holiday break, and she would always include one for the bus driver. I know it was for the holidays and might be a bit different, but regardless I don’t see the problem. The first day of school seems just as valid a time to give the bus driver a gift as the holidays or any other time.

I think flower OP needs to start "shopping" more and by shopping, I really mean having a secret nest egg of cash somewhere safe and away from the house

My older brother actually DiD ask our mom for her house. Then he forced her out of it. He put his name on the title as a 2ND owner and kicked her out. Now he claims he owns his own home, car, land ect but in reality he stole a house, never paid for his car, and the house is on family land belonging to our grandmother. He never asked for anything, he demanded and took it. I get dozens more of these stories about his entitlement daily. Perks of a sociopath in the family

For the bus story: when I was in school multiple kids gave bus drivers gifts on holidays and at the end of year the same as teachers, it's not weird and actually makes alot of them feel good. One time my bus driver even brought us pizza.

Second story : NTA. They can buy their own rings. There's no need to buy an expensive ring and they can just buy a new one later down the line. It's not a heirloom (yet), it's your choice to keep until you're old. They are delusional. He's the materialistic one for thinking they need diamond even though they say it's a scam.

My parents worked in a bus garage, my dad was the mechanic but also drove busses. My mom was the dispatcher but would drive the vans. They were always ecstatic to get gifts from the families they drove. They still have drawings and notes that were given to them hung up on the fridge and their offices.

The audacity of Sam and Emily demanding a ring from Sam’s mother! The entitlement is strong with them!

I loved that the young couple would "let" the mom keep her wedding band. Mom should have said, "I'll "let" you buy your own ring--just like your father."

The Cookie bus driver - I can’t imagine how this guy treats service workers, omg

"We contribute equally towards expenses. It's his idea since he *had a divorce* before." Hmmmm... I wonder why this lovely gent had a divorce before... 🤔

Story #1 reminds me of the fable of the Little Red Hen. It’s about a hen who finds some wheat seeds in the barnyard, and decides to plant them, mill them, and bake them into bread. Every step she asks the other barnyard animals to help out, but none of them do…until the bread is baked and smells amazing. They all want a slice, but she tells all of them that they didn’t help her, so she’s not giving them a single crumb.

Ring Story: The fact that these people revealed their status privately while also asking about the ring, sounds like they aren't actually fiances, they just want to hit the pawn shop.

OP: my flower business Husband: *Our* flower business OP, you are NTA. It's your business, and you both have your own salaries, so it's still your business. Husband gets 2.5/5 BH points

Second story: I laughed out loud when the son said "you can keep your wedding band!" Was he gonna ask for that, too?? Lmao

First Story: Here's an idea, OP: Save the money you're making with this floral business and buy a cheap house with a lot of open ground. Grow your flowers there and turn the house into a big office and shop. That way your husband has no right to complain about you using "his soil." Second Story: Diamonds are overrated. Emeralds and sapphires are much prettier. Heck, I'd be content with a jade engagement ring, to be honest. On a separate note, I know the tradition is "never take off your ring," but you don't want to wear your ring in the shower, wash your hands, do yard work, when you cook, etc. If moisture, dirt, bacteria, and all that stuff are allowed to get under your ring, you're liable to get sick. Especially if you don't wash the area where all that builds up. Please don't wear your ring where it isn't sanitary. Longevity and respect for your health will go a much longer way to respecting your marriage than any piece of metal and stone will. Third Story: This guy's not a butthole, he's a DOUCHE!!! I'd give ANYTHING to share my life with a girl that's so sweet and thoughtful of those that don't get a lot of appreciation save for silly songs from "The Simpsons," and he's trying to convince her that being so sweet is wrong? D-O-U-C-H to the E!!! Fourth Story: Excessively religious people are the worst! They think they're better than everyone and that they have the right to judge others while conveniently forgetting that whole, "Judge not lest ye be judged" proverb. Typically they're only religious when it SUITS them and serves their entitled purposes!

The son wanting the ring and saying that diamonds are a scam is telling her that to guilt her into giving it away

That last guy is completely spineless for not sticking up for his wife. NTBH

4:40 Legally, the owner of the business is the person who has their name on the paper as the owner of the business. If the ownership of the company is shared, then the documentation will show that.

I drive a school bus and getting gifts from my riders or their parents makes my month🤗

10:40 "Oh no,my kid is giving hard workers baked things! Whatever shall I do?!" Wtf is wrong with this guy???

So my ring is a cz and my husband got it for me two years ago. I actually found it at Walmart and it was so beautiful and so unique that I pointed it out to him and told him I didn't want a diamond. He surprised me with it after pretending that he was going to get me a diamond anyway and even let me have a fake argument with him about it. So r/ is absolutely right. You don't have to have a diamond to make a lot of women happy. It's the thought, beauty, and experience around the ring that made makes me love it. So yeah, get a cz if you don't wanna go into debt buying a real diamond. That is, IF YOU'RE NOT MATERIALISTIC, lol. Don't try and con someone out of their precious ring that their husband gave to them. Idc what the relation is. That's NOT YOURS. Trust me, a cz can be just as beautiful and cherished as a real diamond.

the only time it's okay to "pass on" a wedding ring would be when either you've been widowed and your say, grandchild is gonna get married, it might be nice to see it used again. or alternatively, after you've passed, giving it as an inheritance.

Every year, when Mid-Autumn comes, I make loads of Mooncakes to be given to friends, family, neighbours and all the people who had helped me through the year(s). My husband also benefits from this since he shares with his colleagues and bosses. He always tells me of all the compliments that he gets from the Mooncakes and he always says that with a proud smile. A husband shud never be ashamed of u for being a kind n generous person.

2nd story I'd give Emily 1/5 Wanting it as a token of being accepted into the family is implying she hasn't been or doesn't see that she is. It's a red flag that further manipulation is present or should be wary for.

Story 3: I like how it was pretty clear what side you were gonna land on just from how whiny you read "She ignored how I felt!"

For the engagement ring, I do think the fiancé deserves a asshole score for asking. She had to know what was going on and it really put OP in an awkward position to have to say no. It could've been worse if they had asked in public, like at a family gathering or something. But her presence during the asking put additional pressure on the OP to say yes.

For the story about the shy wife, I hope she keeps baking and giving. I bake chocolate chip cookies, from scratch and I give them as Christmas gifts. My friends and family love them. They are made with love.

Wife: *give gifts to driver* Me: aww thats so nice OP: ew that's embarrasing OP, i have to give you 4.5/5 BH here, you sound so mean. Your wife isn't doing anything wrong, she's doing something nice. And it's not embarassing either, we need more people like your wife.

:Cool, anyways here’s a recipe for brownies: 1/2 cup butter 2 eggs 1 cup sugar 1/3 cup cocoa powder 2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup flour

With the bus driver one.... My mom is a bus driver and absolutely loves when the kids give her small presents, such as with the homemade cookies. It's a little iffy with covid for that stuff, but very sweet. I myself would give teachers and bus drivers homemade cookies around Christmas time and see no issue or reason someone should feel embarrassed by it.

"And no one wants a stretched (_*_)" You're killing me!! 🤣🤣

YESSS I watch these every day. When I'm in a depressive episode and I don't feel like doing anything I listen and get stuff done

On the first story. If the husband didn't contribute to the company he has no stake in it, so is entitled to none of it.

At winter break and the end of the year, I always give my son's bus drivers gifts to thank them. They connect with the kids and care for them. They should be appreciated.

First story: if the guy wants his “fair share” he shouldn’t be upset with getting zero lol. It’s certainly fair

“ Why Is He Calling Him Materialistic When He’s Looking For Materials. “ This Is The Best Thing RSlash Has Ever Said.

its like being an artist and ur husband says "this wont work" and when it starts to take off cause of all ur hard work he wants 50% of the profit cause its his paper ur drawing on

Imagine being embarrassed that your wife does good things for underappreciated people. Like, how do you care more about your reputation than being kind to others??

Holy shit, as a bus driver, I will tell you that we absolutely love gifts! Snacks are always appreciated!! We love and care for your children, giving a thank you gift is never wrong.

When i was younger, during summer breaks I used to stay up late just to leave hot coffee and snacks for our trash pickup people every week. They loved it.

i agree, diamonds are a scam, but why, after bringing up that fact would you imply that you would still have to buy a diamond ring?

"the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day."

Re: the engagement ring Did OP give her son everything he ever asked for in his life? Except her engagement ring? Just curious how a person thinks they have a right to another's engagement ring

The wife in the 3rd story sounds like me! I love showing appreciation to those who deserve it. There's NOTHING wrong with it!

When I was in elementary school, my brother and I used to make little decorations for fall or Christmas (with the help of our mom) and hand them out to our teacher and the bus driver. They really liked them! My mom is still friendly with my elementary school bus driver and many of the teachers even now, and I'm in college!

Story #2 pissed me off. Before my fiancé and I got engaged we agreed that we didn’t want him to go crazy on a ring because of how expensive they can be and that no matter what it was I’ll love it. He proposed last month and he picked out a gorgeous morganite ring that I absolutely love and cherish. It doesn’t need to be a diamond and no one should have to break the bank or harass family over a ring.

LMFAO I was distracted when I heard this line. OMFG "How are you embarrassed, because of something she did with the bus driver." out of contextm that line, is well...

if I was a bus driver I would LOVE to get cookies

"To workers she assumes aren't appreciated" Hmm I think I can sense the kind of person OP is already...

If buying an engagement ring is going to put you into debt, either you're looking for something way too expensive or you're not financially secure enough to get married anyway.

When I had my surgery, I went out and bought a bunch of cookies and brownies and stuff (All in sealed containers from the store cause its Covid and I wanted them to know I purchased it, what's inside is safe, and that they can trust it.) And I took it back up there once I felt a little better and gave it to the staff in the OR to thank them for taking care of me and making sure I was ok. Granted I'm southern, but I just assumed this was something people did to say thank you and show we apricate what others do. Who doesn't like getting goodies and knowing they made a difference to someone?

Fourth story : Ah, yes the mega religious with a husband who doesn't back you up. NTA. He should've 100000% had your back on that one. He didn't. So you spilled the bean. He reaped what he sowed.

"It always matters when money is involved" Hell of a red flag there

The way he said "She ignored how I felt" had me laughing for like 6 mins

I work in retail and I FUCKING LOVE IT when customers give gifts as thanks for some reason. Heck, I helped a lady buy supplies for her baking business and she brought me cupcakes the next day!!! They were delicious! And now I follow her business on FB and I'm going to order some cupcakes for the next holiday because I love supporting local businesses.

"Diamonds are a SCAM" So why do you want her DIAMOND? Why not just get a cheap crystal ring that looks like a diamond?

3rd story: OP does not deserve his wife.

"Diamonds are a scam! How could you let us go into debt to buy a whole new ring?!" Uh, don't buy a diamond ring then? Lab-grown sapphires are WAY cheaper, they come in any color you want, they're the second-hardest gem after diamond so they're not likely to get chipped or damaged, and if you get them in clear/white, they look just like diamonds for a fraction of the price. Anywhere from a couple hundred to a thousand dollars if you get it in a silver band. If you think diamonds are a scam (they are, diamond corporations are a virtual monopoly and artificially inflate prices and a diamond ring will ALWAYS sell for less than you paid for it.) then just don't buy diamonds? There's literally no rule that says you must have an engagement ring or the wedding isn't real. There's no rule that said your wedding ring has to be diamond or the wedding isn't real. You can marry your spouse and exchange ring pops. It literally doesn't matter. But if you want jewelry because pretty and expensive rocks matter to you... buy lab-grown sapphires.

For the wedding ring story: get a lab grown white sapphire. They're almost as hard as diamonds and less expensive. And no one can tell the difference

First story: OP that sounds like some major red flags. He sounds like a man child. Run.

With the bus driver story. I remember when I was in school, my grandma told me to write Christmas cards to all the teachers and the bus driver. And the bus driver I had, would wait for me to get to my house before waiting. He didn't have to do that, he could have just left the moment I walked off the bus.

My husband and I were incredibly poor when we got engaged in our *very* early 20s and we picked my engagement ring out (it has 3 tiny diamonds and a white gold band) at the pawn shop for $120. You only go into debt for that stuff if you want to go into debt.

The bus driver one is so wholesome. When I was a kid I would give my bus drivers a small bag of candy on the first and last day of school. Their smiles made me feel good

Op of the first story should probably divorce, because that is not very manly to say that he deserves the profit of what SHE made and what He didn't support,idk just saying lol... Nice Video by the way,as always,R Slash

Rings don't have to be expensive, my husband's and my rings came from Costco

Bus story: OP is just jealous he didn't get any cookies 😂

As soon as I heard OP in the bus driver story say that his wife just "assumed" that workers are underappreciated, I knew where that was going.

The wife cooking cookies is amazing ! I would be so happy !!! She’s an amazing person

Kudos to the wife in the 3rd story for showing appreciation to the working middle class!

Go to a pawn shop. They always have rings Also, as a bus driver, the husband sounds like the type of parent who runs my stop sign because “He’s in a hurry, and that’s not a real stop sign anyway.”

His wife is super nice for gifting the bus drivers. As a mail carrier with some less than appreciative customers, it makes my day to have a pleasant interaction and especially when they offer gifts. My mom was a bus driver for a time and some of the kids were so disrespectful to her for no reason. I bet she would have been very grateful if a parent gave her cookies as thanks.