“He said he needed the job and he wasn’t realistically going to stay and watch his sisters for days on end especially he doesn’t get paid for it.” Yep, looks like he doesn’t get paid a penny.
I haven't seen a comment concerning this: when OP says her husband "told everyone at the surrogate's house to leave" so he could present her with the $9K car he bought. To my thinking, that increased the creep factor by 10. Controlling much?
They don't force him, but the girls don't want anyone else babysitting them. Yeah, they're not really giving their son much of an option. It seems like OP doesn't want to pay for a babysitter, and uses the daughter's shyness as an excuse to not get a babysitter. Once they get to know someone they'll be fine. It's normal for children to be shy around new people. OP can't keep coddling her daughter's just because they're more comfortable with someone they've known all their lives. I mean, would they never allow their children to go to school because they're nervous on their first day?
@@233kosta If the girls don't like strangers, don't use a stranger. I'm sure the mother has friends with teenaged kids that could stick with them while they do homework, or if one of her friends is a "home body" ask them if they can go over to their house during the day. simple as that.
@@shaunalennon3144 Indeed so. Mind you, not liking strangers is hardly something you'd file under "dealing with issues", especially issues otherwise worthy of therapy. Narcissist parents on the other hand...
@@shaunalennon3144 Nah, OP would have to pay those people to watch the girls and if OP won’t even pay her son for babysitting, then she definitely won’t pay other people to do it.
OP really needs to rethink her marriage. This ' product of her time' nonsense is BS. Age is NOT an excuse for racism, my nana is old and catholic! She has nothing but love our very mixed family.
My religious grandma said something to the end of 'I don't care who you love, as long as you are happy' when my uncle told her he was gay like 40 years ago.
@@mariafox9226 Racism is taught, but if you can't handle trying not making blatantly racist remarks after many requests from family, then that family is apparently less valuable than yourself or your family. A willingness to unlearn racism is the base requirement. If you can't even start to try to better yourself, then that's on them.
Something I think rslash missed in the first story: Ops MIL was also racist towards their children. Not only is Ops husband ignoring the racism towards his wife, his ignoring the racism towards his own children.
And the generational thing he said. Shes in her 50s and supposedly a little racism should be normal? She was born in the 70s and raised in the 80s, that lady is way past any benefit of the doubt for slipping out casual racism as a "generational norm".
I'd say that kids being kids. It has just become gendered because we punish girls for that sort of behaviour but not boys. Given the chance, girls will act the exact same way.
@@BonnieHalfElven I was referring to actual kids rather than adult men and women. Kids are rowdy, given the chance. No matter the gender. Girls tend to be punished for being rowdy in a way boys are not. And again, I'm talking about children. Not adults.
@@survivedandthriving Considering the comment below 😅 I am talking about children and in reference to the rolling around in mud stuff. Not adults who should know better.
“The girls are too young for therapy”??? Hi let me introduce you to this concept called a child therapist, as in someone who is qualified to work with children of all ages. Honestly, the sooner you get your kids into therapy if they’re having “issues,” the more likely they will develop and hang on to effective coping skills.
I would’ve filed for divorce the minute that the husband tried to justify his mother‘s racism with that line “she’s a product of her time” being a product of your time is no excuse to be a bigot. We live in a world where refusing to adapt and evolve means death.
There's no such thing as "justified racism", it's NEVER okay to be racist, ever. The husband definitely was taught by his mother, thinking being racist is OK, that is a massive red flag.
love in that third story they acknowledge their daughters need therapy for a traumatic experience they had, but that they're refusing to get them the medical help they need because "they're too young!" double abuse!
That part grossed me out so much! My brother was in therapy when he was like six or seven because of his aggressive tendencies and he did fantastically until we moved in with a much more abusive part of the family who didn't believe in mental illness. It wasn't until he was fourteen that he went to therapy again and I didn't get to go to therapy for the first time until that same year when I was fifteen.
SAME LMAO Like when I just heard the title of the story I was like "yes, yes you absolutely are" And then the Karen voice happened and I started laughing my ass off while saying "I KNEW IT"
@@JohnDoe-hn5nl what proof do you have that it's a fake story? Because racism exist. I know it's a shock to your Fox News soaked brain but it does. Edit don't like your own comment it's real sad.
“He only babysits when he wants to. We don’t force him!” He doesn’t want to anymore lady. If you really aren’t forcing him, you would respect that he doesn’t want to anymore.
I was worried that the surrogate was in love with op's husband but omg this dude needs to take no as an answer. This poor surrogate has refused this guy's advances left and right and he cannot take a damn hint that not only is he making her uncomfortable, he's trying to cheat on his wife!
Op's husband is a creep. The surrogate is being so respectful on refusing his advice. A 9000 dollar car. Is he nutz. That money could have been use to pay for bill. He showing red flag here. I say divorce him and help your surrogate get restraining order against him. Who knows how far he might go just to get her in bed with him.
I feel so sorry for the surrogate. I almost wouldn't blame her if she left the state and gave the kid up for adoption rather than deal with the crazy dad sexually harassing her.
I actually would bet he's overcompensating because his wife said he has the fertility problem, & they're using her eggs. The implication then is that a supermarket donor would be required (although not always). From a more psychological side, if the baby isn't biologically his, & he feels 'less of a man' (it's a common response) because he has fertility problems, then he's acting irrationally because of that. I'm not excusing his behaviour, but instead of always assuming a guy's going to be unfaithful, sometimes I think some stories go deeper. I'd say the guy needs therapy - to see that he's being so inappropriate & then to figure out why & how to deal with it. (I'd lean towards it being a sperm donor because the wife's eggs are being used but she may not have wanted to carry another man's child inside her. Or maybe there are other reasons for her, but those were my thoughts.)
@@gmun2248 yeah I think thats why rslash had 2 different ratings. Because if he's telling the truth that its just for his son, then he's still harassing the surrogate. But if he's trying to cheat then that's even worse!
Third story: I was naive and thought there story was gonna go to a direction where "My son didn't tell me he had a job and I had no time to get a babysitter in time for my younger kids when our shifts overlapped so we had a fight about it" but the story escalated quickly. I approve rSlash using the Karen voice for her.
Yeah, at first I thought that was all it was, that she just wanted the time to find someone else or something… so at first the Karen voice seemed inappropriate to me. By the end, I realized it was quite justified!
First story: I am engaged to a Filipino woman and after a rough video call with my remaining uncle and male cousins, I literally told them I didn't need them in my life and unless they apologized immediately to her I was done with the lot of them. they told me they'd never apologize to (won't even say the word here) and I actually owed THEM an apology for forcing them to speak to just a (again won't use the words here). I told them to literally go to HELL, blocked their numbers and on all social media. I will defend my love to my dying breath and don't need that hate in my life.
You are far better off without them. I am so sorry to hear the disgusting behaviour of your relatives. As far as I am concerned, we are all human and there is no place for racism. I am engaged to a beautiful Indonesian woman (who is my best friend, and soulmate), and my brother is married to a Chinese woman, who is like a little sister to me. Thankfully my family was accepting and gets along well with my fiancée and also my sister in law. Best of luck with your wedding, and I am sure it will be beautiful. I hope your fiancée's family are accepting of you, unlike your uncles and cousins.
The fact that when the car was rejected, the husband argued with the surrogate about it rather than go "Huh I guess my wife was right about the surrogate being uncomfortable." speaks volumes about what he is about
Mom is insane for defending rude catcalling on the son's engagement night. 1. "Boys will be boys" is not a valid argument, and it's coming from a woman and being directed at a man. Cognitive dissonance much? 2. If his engagement night is so special that he deserves special treatment, then isn't it also so special that he shouldn't be hitting on other women? Even if he did it in a more appropriate manner, then it would still be unacceptable. Wtf.
I love the massive contradiction the parents make when trying to defend themselves by saying the son babysit them because he loves them and he’s not being forced but they are trying to prevent him from getting a job to force him into babysitting.
Story 3: I love that RSlash slowly transitioned into the Karen voice. Really shows how entitled OP is. But yeah, it sounds like OP is mad that son is finally becoming an adult and she can't make him a babysitter anymore.
Story 2: NTA; that's a good dad, calling out his son for harassing women, and I fear (based on the wife's reaction) that she's not curbed this mindset he clearly learned from his friends, which is a double yikes.
And the fact that the husband is on the MIL‘s side is a major red flag. If I were OP I would say “You can whine and pout at your mom‘s place all you want but if you continue to insist that I apologize to HER, then I will change the locks, file for divorce, and apply for full custody of the kids.”
I would've told the husband: "Look, defending your mother is an honorable decision, and I get that. But what I can't forgive, is that you are defending your mom for being so blatantly racist. If you continue to insist on defending her and wanting ME to apologize, and saying that her racism is justified, I'm going to file a divorce and kick your butt out here. Don't f*cking test me, I'll do it."
Dabny, the “son got a job” story was a riot the way you read it. Your voice started normal then ever so slowly became more whiney. I was laughing so hard by the time your voice moved from whiney to demon spawn. Well done!
I don’t think he’s choosing to babysit his sisters because he wants to. I think he’s choosing to babysit his sisters because his entitled parents will throw a hissy fit if he refuses.
*First OP:* OP needs to leave her husband and take the kids. NTA. *Second OP:* Engagement party or not, Rowan was being a jerk to that woman and needed to face the consequences. OP is NTA. Someone should probably let Rowan's fiancee know about what happened. *Third OP:* LOL at rSlash's voice slowly morphing into the Karen voice. How _dare_ OP's 18-year-old son get a job preventing OP from parentifying him anymore? OP is TA. Side note: maybe OP _should_ take her daughters to therapy if they're going through something that makes them that uncomfortable around strangers. *Fourth OP:* 9K!? TF!? I also doubt OP's husband is only doing this for their son. Either way, neither OP nor the surrogate are TAs. *NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS!?*
The first story is not real her friend didn't say anything to help her that story was fake . If the mom said something racist at the party . All the the lady friends would been in her side don't believe every story My whole family is mixed people do make joke about the hair and the the eyes the baby was born with good hair The guy who tell the story don't know how he just used is wife as a 🏆 and that is see as racist just like the old lady said it happens sometimes people don't know how to say People said word that why u have to educate them alot of words mean. How it sound .
@@t123tina You think because your family is mixed that your experience is somehow universal to everyone else? That's both ignorant and arrogant of you. Your experience is not universal, and this kind of toxic racist bs does happen in other families.
for a translation for those who dont speak Portuguese (according to google translate)The voiceover in the third story from "normal person" to "Karen" was incredible
First story: Op was definitely in the right. As someone that is also in an interracial relationship, I won’t tolerate that kind of blatant racism from anyone. Luckily my bf’s parents are great and I don’t have that problem, but if I did and he didn’t do anything about it we’d be done.
I just loved how Dabney changed his voice while reading the story of the mom getting angry at her son because he found a job without telling her. I keep laughing. It's just so perfect.
@@GamerSapss But this has always been his thing, and unfortunately for you and the smaller crowd of people who don't like it, we do enjoy it. It adds to the stories imo so don't expect him to change that anytime soon
Final story: that husband is gaslighting his wife and using every trick he knows to get with the surrogate. He’s being disrespectful of both her and his wife’s boundaries, and he needs to be either kicked to the curb or publicly humiliated.
There is a major hole in his fantasy though: the surrogate will not keep and raise the baby. Even if she wanted to, which I don't think she does. The wife/Op will get the baby. With the husband acting like an idiot and harassing the surrogate OP might even get sole custody.
Who would feel comfortable handing over the child they are carrying in circumstances like these? It's gonna put ideas in her head about trying to fight them in court.
@@mariposa9506 She most likely wouldn't stand a chance in court. If everything went the legal route, then there should be a contract that states that this is NOT her child and when she has to hand the child over. Most countries that allow surrogacy have a rule which makes the biological mother aka the person whose egg cell was used the mother, not the woman who carries the child. Most countries that make the "carrier" the mother don't allow surrogacy at all. She might not even be named as "mother" on the birth certificate or could be sued herself for keeping the child away from its parents. Also, if she tried to keep the child the father would go even more crazy instead of leaving her alone. She could, however, try to get something like CPS involved who would then take care of the child.
Can we appreciate how RSlash is a good husband? He's awesome and shows what you should do as a spouse. If you're married, you stick together, defend each other and work out your differences
For the first story, NTA. The trash is taking itself out hun, dump him 💅💅 the husband is being a huge bish and racist for protecting and standing by his mother. That would be my 🚩 to get out of that marriage
thats not real easy, remeber op in that story said they had two kids. so thats making it tricky, plus if the op in that story lives anywhere in the south (which is likely) then the state might just take her kids from her and give them to her 'ex' husband
@@Mamorufumio I live in Georgia. I can point to a lot if racism in our judicial system. The Ahmaud Arbery case being our crowing glory of judicial racism (before the video came out), still taking the kids just because the mom is black, not really a thing. It's still very hand the kids over to mom 1st, ask questions later.
The third story was exactly what happened to me. I was supposed to work around babysitting my sibling. They refused to get a babysitter cause then they would have to pay but they wouldn’t let me hangout with friends. Most of time I was babysitting so they could hangout with friends. Sometimes my stepdad would leave in the morning without telling me and I would wake up to my sibling crying. It was awful. They ended up kicking me out cause I refused to one day after getting tired of not being able to live my life because of them(my parents). I gladly left and they called me and texted me constantly to come back so I could continue babysitting them for free. I didn’t and they got a babysitter. They told their friends and neighbors I left on my own accord 🙄 I still visit to hangout with my sibling BY MY CHOICE
Surrogate story: I said this on another video and I’ll say it here. The surrogate needs to terminate the contract, the wife needs to GTFO of that marriage, and THEN the surrogate can adopt the baby out to ONLY OP. I would not trust that man with a child. And also it’s karma being a bit of an itch. Edit: @Lilly Lovegood raises a good point. Restraining order first, then sever contracts.
@@averyquinn797 She will need to take legal action to have the court decide on the contract outcome, but with assistance from OP, this might go relatively smoothly. Harassment and theft can be grounds for having a contract invalidated, but this is not an inanimate object at stake; the contract can be terminated but an abortion may not be a viable option. The child will have to be legally disposed of in any case, but going no contact is more problematic without a court order. I believe that they will need to get a mediator involved to keep everyone separated and provide the go-between, until the child can be safely presented to the parents. This is not something that can be litigated through normal means and timeframe. Something needs to be negotiated and settled out of court. Perhaps, she should temporarily relocate to an undisclosed locale and then inform them which hospital to retrieve their spawn from after it is born, should it survive to that point. The contract terms can be hashed out after that. Money is evidently tight for the surrogate, so this may be the cheapest option.
Unfortunately if the contract were terminated the woman could possibly steal the other woman’s baby so that’s probably not a good idea for the actual mother of the child it would be best that the contract remain and The wife deal with the issues with her husband personally because you are basically still asking surrogate to do something to handle this rather than the wife and the whole point is to keep the surrogate out of this the contract already protects the surrogate and the wife so all you’re doing is losing protection for the wife in the surrogate to punish the husband it would be much easier for the way I have to get a restraining order against her own husband. The best she could do is get a restraining order against the husband which should still validate the contract with the wife
@@LaineMann Yeah, exactly. "If it's perfectly okay that he's hitting on another woman on the night of their engagement, I'm sure it's fine for the fiancee to know about."
I find it really funny when rslash is reading a story and throughout the story notices, that op is an entitled person/Karen and slowly switches to his Karen voice. It's just so entertaining 😂
He did the same thing with another AITA story, but it wasn't a slowly, but surely building up thing, it was him stopping to breath, hoping that OP is not the AH and after one part she wrote, that's when he lost hope and started reading the rest of the story in his Karen voice.
The first story triggered me. My in-laws constantly make racist comments, then justify themselves by saying i shouldn’t be offended because I don’t really “look Mexican” which only makes it worse because that just means they have a stereotype about Mexicans. Luckily my husband fully has my back and stands up to them. He’s fully embraced my culture and we are raising our kids to be proud of their heritage. He gets zero out of 5 buttholes. ❤️
Story 2: Him harassing not only other women, but his own fiancé, is a red flag. I have a feeling that the fiancé will dodge a missile if she breaks up.
there is that, but there is also teaching your children how to help out and be part of a family. You are right- some parents seem to think that children are slave labor... but is it slavery to expect your child to do chores to help out, while getting free room and board? Bear in mind that this is an 18 year old man, not a 6 year old child. Both sides of this family need to learn how to communicate and be considerate...
@@dmon1996 Considering OP was angry about her 18 year old son getting a job (something that will get him money that he can save up to eventually get his own place and move out), I don’t think this is a case of a parent trying to teach their kid to help their family. This sounds more akin to parentification, which is a form of abuse where a parent will start making the older children take care of the younger children. OP should be encouraging her son to get a job since it’ll help him learn independence and gain money. OP just wants to use her son as a babysitter that she won’t have to pay (even though she should).
@@mask938 that is your opinion... I see it differently. I admit that OP does show a certain amount of entitlement, but the son left them high and dry with no warning...
@@dmon1996 She could easily charge him to cover expenses or serve him with eviction, if she feels wronged and conflicted. This is an 18 year old after all. She has no legal obligation to tolerate the injustice or provide anything else for him. It's most probably for the best, if he starts preparations to move out to somewhere new as soon as possible in any case. I would even suggest trying a different part of the country, since he is merely attending community college. The world is full of incredible opportunities and possibilities outside of the dim corner of your world.
On the job one, I understand an issue of “well you need to tell us that you have a job during these times so we can get alternative child care set up.” Then she said something about paid child care being a no go and I realized that was NOT what this was about.
The "product of her time" comment in the first story is just ridiculous to me. That "argument" (I use the term argument very loosely) is always used to defend bigotry.
Both my grandparents and aunt are from that time and from some of the more bigoted places (of the time) in the US, most of their friends are white, my aunt was raised by a white family that loved and raised her unconditionally and they are not like this. Oh and were black.
It really is in the same vein as "Boys will be boys" in terms of excusing shitty behavior. Old people have no more right to be racist than boys have the right to be sexist.
That argument is just as ridiculous as saying I can't be racist I have black friends. Just replace the word friends with daughter-in-law. I volunteer in a nursing home and they're all from the same time and I can tell you the majority of them are not racist or homophobic. Because they are human beings and they can learn and change throughout their life just like we all can. You're absolutely right it's just weak excuse for bigotry
"He doesn't do much for them, just stays home with them while he studies or plays video games" (OP in story 3) So, I cared for my father for years, who suffered from parkinson with progressing dementia. Most of the time, he was sitting or lying on the couch, while I did something for me. The point is: It's not only about what you're actively doing. It's also about always being available on demand. You always have to watch out, check if everything's right, and be prepared that you could be needed at any second. (And before someone asks: Yes, I did also spend time with him on my own will. But that's something different entirely.)
Stry1: obviously NtA. 2; if she didn't want others disciplining her son as an adult, she should've done it herself when he was young. NtA *I disagree on the mom's rating. She deserves at least 3/5 for raising her son to be thAt kind if man.
Story 1: NTA, saying that someone is a "product of their time" is the WORST excuse to anything, because as someone wonce sayd in a similar post, older people had more time then anyone else to learn
Right!? If any of my relatives said anything like that about my little brothers or my sister in law they would be banned from any and all family events
Exactly. The fact that the husband is on his moms side when the mom was the one being racist is unacceptable. That just screams divorce to me. And I hope that when the husband went to stay with his mom, OP changed the locks.
It’s a false premise too. If there were white anti-racists during the Atlantic slave trade (and there were) then nobody born in the 20th century has any excuse.
@@matthewhearn9910 And tyhey don't, they were a bunch of racists plain and simple. The point is that being born in a diferent time don't change the fact that you are racist if you dislike other ethnicities
7:00 Boys will be boys does not apply to harassing someone What boys will be boys does apply to is when you do some dumb shit with you’re friends,like punching each other repeatedly or climbing a lamp post to loosen the bulb That argument does work it just doesn’t work for this conversation
*OP:* My son is a good boy! He _looooooooves_ to look after his younger half-sisters out of the goodness of his heart. *OP's Son:* I got a paying job now so I can help with the bills while still going to college. I can't look after my half-sisters anymore. *OP:* Why would you do something so selfish!? *OP's Son:* Because you aren't paying me to babysit. *OP:* _[Surprised Pikachu face]_
11:43 This man almost definitely has a fetish and he's taking the opportunity to express that with zero regard for wife's comfort. Sad and icky situation all around.
First Story: MIL had it coming for a long time. It was well deserved. Both her and her son (OP's husband) If was me I would have drew the line a long time. OP- 0/5 Husband & MIL- 4.5/5 Third Story: OP is selfish. Son is 18 and is being a responsible ADULT by working while going to COLLEGE. OP needs to find another babysitter and PAY for it herself. Son- 0/5 Side Note: Bravo to OP's son for being a responsible adult.
I love that every time Dabney reads a story were someone is obviously the AH, you can hear the gradual change in his voice while he’s reading and makes up his mind before the story ends
Ok, I just had to pause the video to say how hilarious it was how you eased your voice into Karen mode once you picked up on the vibe. It was perfect! I wish I could have seen your face dude! 😂
I love how in 3rd story, Rslash started talking normally and as the story progressed his voice became more Karen like. Kudos Rslash on your voice acting.
Racist B-word story: NTA The "product of her time" line is complete bullshit. There are plenty of people who were products of that time who either changed their views with the times or never had those views to begin with. Son Got A Job: NTA I was totally ready to say it depends if the son agreed to watch the daughters but then OP went full Karen.
Ok I’m also technically in a inter racial relationship/someday marriage (I’m white my Gf/someday wife is Native American) so I honestly understand if anyone is racist to my girlfriend I’ll basically cut you off completely without any discussion about it
It's very possible the husband in the surrogate story is legit concerned about his son. There was a story where a husband did all sorts of crazy stuff because he was so paranoid about his unborn child, like waking his wife up, urging her to go to the hospital, because he "just knew" there was something wrong.
What impeccable timing R Slash! I was just looking for a reddit video to put on in the background whilst trying to desperately write an essay. Thank you!
I gotta say I love the way your voice changes so smoothly and naturally as stories progress. First the guy who ate his wife's food a couple videos ago, now karen. Bravo dude
Second story: we can see how the son turned into what he is. The wife has enabled this behavior and doesn’t value other people and ESPECIALLY other women. Completely NTA
I hate when people say “they’re too young to therapy” my god, I went to occupational therapy since I was two for ten years then I had actual therapy to get over a traumatic event when I was sever for about three years. Not only that I went to a small court when I was twelve and still had bad anxiety issues at the time (still do) and yet I still went through all that and I’m doing better now. I’m not fixed, but I am better. Starting at a younger age helps a lot
One more point of view for the last story: he might now realize that what he actually wants, is to be around his pregnancy as if she were his wife. As for myself, I would not be able to stand being away from my future son for 9 months with my non pregnant wife missing the joy of being a proud husband and father.
Hahahah slowly changing into a Karen voice. Karen : "We aren't forcing him to do anything" Also Karen: But he has to and does nothing to/for them and he is so selfish!!!! He HAS TO
"Some of you seem to imply I force my son to babysit" Yeah the complete meltdown and rant about how he owes you for it when he choses to do something else with his time kinda implied that slightly
I seem to have Pavlov-ed my cats into associating rSlash's voice with mealtimes because I usually listen to him as I'm getting them breakfast. Story 1: I agree with the butthole score for MIL. She was being racist and needs to get her head out of her ass Story 2: good for OP for making his son walk back from his engagememt party after seeing him harass a woman. Catcallers need consequenses so they can learn not to be douchecanoes. OP's wife's internalized misogyny with her BoYs WiLl Be BoYs attitude is disturbing. Like. No. Boys will be held accountable for their actions. It's 2022. Story 3: Paid childcare is a no for you? What an entitled thing to say. Her kid is an adult. He has the right to have a job. Also, it's gross that she wasn't already paying him to watch his siblings Story 4: There are so many red flags that they would wrap around the world if they were sewn together
Story 4: The surrogate woman should get authorities involved to keep the husband at a distance because he's causing her MORE stress for her which could ACTUALLY HARM THE BABY MORE THAN HE'S TRYING TO HELP IT. Also something to consider, if this is how the husband is acting before the baby arrives... how the hell is he going to act when it DOES arrive??? I'm worried for the wife, the surrogate AND the baby cause this guy is doing far more harm than good.
"Product of our time" my bum! My mother's in her 60's and she's the most accepting person I've met in my life. In fact, accepting is too evil of a word, she treats everyone with respect first, doesn't matter who they are
