Story 1: Cheating is already pretty unforgivable, But to actively lie to your husband's face that he's the father of that child for *TEN YEARS?* Yeah there's no coming back from that.
I think I could actually forgive cheating if it happened only once and they confessed straight away. Doing it repeatedly or never coming clean would definitely be unforgiveable. Having me raise the child of someone they hooked up with, I can't even imagine how I'd handle that! No way I'd love the child any less though.
Still believe all women deserve the right to have any kind of rights in this world? Because about 10-15 years ago when Tom Leykis was around read a study from Germany where 1 in 5, if I remember well, dudes was not the real father. Let that sink in, 1 in 5 dudes. And that's Germany. Imagine US today, when laws are against men.
OP is just an ATM. The audacity of her saying "Don't ruin what we've built since then" when everything was built on lies. People need to stop saying "the kids are innocent in this, don't ruin their lives" when it was the cheating skank is the one to ruin it to begin with. Only thing he's stuck on is child support and hopefully he didn't adopt the step kids so he doesn't have to pay child support for them too.
@@ManlyStumpI may have missed it but was there ever a DNA test done ? Cuz I mean if she's sleeping with both of them around the same time, there's a good chance that it might be his biological daughter. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions without a DNA test. If it did say there was a DNA test and I missed it. Fair enough, but I'm just saying that if you're sleeping with two men during the month, you can't really know who's the father without doing a DNA test.
As someone who found out that their dad wasn’t their dad at 32, I can confirm it shakes your trust in people. Definitely agree with you rSlash, everyone deserves to know who their parent is.
Years ago, the parents might have gotten away with the lie but with all of commercial DNA testing available, I doubt that can happen anymore. I think the truth would be much better coming from a parent rather than piecing it together from an email from 23 And Me.
I would have to imagine that this situation would make that kid feel as though they were living a lie all this time, akin to finding out that you were adopted when your parents kept it from you until you were much older. I'm sorry that you had to experience this ♥
I cried just having to imagine this pain. As a child who grew up always knowing my mom was technically my stepmom it’s hurts to think I may have had to find out as an adult. I struggle with the abandonment even though I had a glow-up replacement mom.
The problem with these "polyamorous relationships" is that these people ARE NOT polyamorous. That's why these relationships fail 98% of the time. Just like you can't force a straight person to be gay, you also can't force a monogamous person to be polyamorous.
This. Most poly relationships work when they started as a poly relationships. If you're genuinely trying to experiment then good for you, but being poly shouldn't be a freebie for an affair.
Definitely agree with this. When I was in an open/poly relationship, the idea was something that came up over time just being together, not suddenly dumped on one person without notice. If it comes as a surprise, it's probably coming from ulterior motives
@@kodafox5385 I also agree I have been in a poly relationship before with 3 other people, and while I do like the idea of other options and loving more than one person, I realized that such a dynamic isn't for me, and I personally see a point in getting another relationship when I ultimately want to spend my life with one person. It shouldn't be the case when you feel like this is the only way to be with the person you love even though they have effectively lost interest or has alt. Motives.
Strongly agree. Poly relationships are built on trust like any good relationship and inherently not for everyone. They require extra communication. These "open" relationships are built on greed and selfishness. They were doomed the moment the loser thought about trying for a "free pass."
Is no one gonna call out how incredibly toxic that last move is? Sure it's an ultimatum but "I won't let you see your dying friend because you used to have sex before" is kind of an insane thing. Maybe I just experience life differently as I'm best friends with my ex, and my partner is still living with her ex as roommates with neither of us having interest in each other - but like, come on - what?
Hey, here I am, who went NC with my ex. What the new husband said isn't reasonable, and I agree with you. If I were her, I'd set a boundary right there and call his bluff. If he gets away with this, he'll have the upper hand in the relationship, the power dynamics in the relationship will also be screwed, and they'd be opening the door to more controlling, manipulative and/or abusive behaviours from his part (from my experience, at least) Who knows how will he treat her or the children when their child is born, if he's willing to go that far to control her now that she's pregnant and her caring and good friend is dying?
@@lombas3185 exactly my worry. If she lets him take control over who she is allowed to see during a situation where someone is dying, where else will this go?? Crazy to me that rslash kind of just accepted that this is alright and a fair ultimatum
First story: making your husband believe that a child is his when it isn't is one of the biggest betrayals a woman can commit. Divorce her ASAP, be honest with the children, see what you can salvage.
@@jennix8666 but he never would have raised her if he knew she wasn't his continuing gives the mom what she wanted a man to pay for her kid and that makes him a loser
@@BASED877 You don't know that, had the mom confessed right after the cheating happened they may have been able to work it out and he would have still raised the girl as his daughter. It really doesn't matter what would have happened, he did raise her and loves her as his own and he can't just turn that off because she's not his by blood
First Story: Wow, OP's wife put him in a horrible situation. I think OP should stay in his daughter's life, divorce his wife, and tell his daughter the truth. For over a decade, she lied to OP, cheated on him, and expect OP to just forgive her and move on? Yeah, no Second Story: Nah, OP's gf is giving off major red flags. If nothing was going to happen, why did she feel the need to lie about that very important detail. If he needed someone to talk to why couldn’t he go to friends, family, or text/call someone? The fact she invited him to OP's apartment to just "talk" is a red flag. The most distinguishing red flag was when he asked Lily if SHE wanted him to leave or not Third Story: Well, OP's fiancé best not get upset with this because HE was the one who asked for an open then poli relationship. The way he treats OP will his fault for why he loses OP in the end. Lmao, this guy really have the nerve to get upset when HE brought this on himself. Lmaoooo, he is showing his true colors and making this EVEN MORE easy for OP to leave this guy. Bro this just gets funnier and funnier; this guy wants to NOW beg for OP to come back. I also love how OP threw his words right back at him, I guess he isn’t a "real man". Damn, this guy lost both his fiancée of 4 years and his girlfriend all because of his lack of emotion and affection. This guy brought all of this on himself and has no one to blame but himself Fourth Story: OP, get rid of your current husband. OP's ex sounds like a massive Chad. Everything he did was to care for OP. Funny how this guy says OP's ex is being manipulative, yet he is threatening divorce if OP goes to see her terminally ill ex husband
There was an update with the second one. OP's talk with his dad was fruitful. They talk the next day and he breaks up with her. She does the cheaters dance and song and OP shows her the door.
First story had an update... Apparently the bio dad is not out of the picture like he thinks and she has been secretly meeting with him and sending him school photos with updates on her life... OP felt this betrayal too much and left since her bio dad DID want to be in her life but the mothers lie to OP forced him to stay away... She is just evil all around and screwed up 3 lives for her own benefit...
For the final story, I am 100% in the "go see your ex" camp. He's about to die. What damage to the relationship could he possibly do? If I were her current husband, not only would I be okay with it, I would *demand* she have his back in his final moments. And I *would not* threaten divorce over her being caring. What a disgusting human being.
Not only that, but she only divorced him because he was ill and wanted better for her. They both clearly love each other and there is a good chance that she never would have even got with her current husband if the ex didn't get sick. For her husband to characterize this as manipulative if he knows the backstory, that is disgusting. At the same time, I can see her husband being insecure because she never exactly fell out of love with this dying guy. Dying ex seems like a very good man.
@@kyledouglas1394 well the ex divorced op to not ruin the marriage and become a burden to her which to me sounds like a thoughtful and stand up guy unlike op’s current husband
I could never look at my husband the same if he threatened to divorce me for seeing my dying ex. The husband has no empathy or compassion. I would be very concerned about how he would treat me in the future.
If the current husband is so insecure and manipulative as to threaten to divorce over her seeing her dying ex, what will he stoop to later in the relationship, when she is more thoroughly tied to him with children? She should leave NOW before he gets even more possessive, manipulative, and possibly violent, and starts using custody as a weapon. She should visit her ex, and sign those divorce papers as soon as they arrive, or file them herself
@@fdm2155 He's probablly justyfing it with something like: OH MA LOOOOORD SHE'LL MARY HIM IF SHE SEES HIM FOR THE LAST TIME AND THEY WILL LIVE TOGETHER EVEN AFTER DEATH. Reddit always says DIVORCE but in this case? What do you want to do? I think that in this case it's probably the thing OP should do, because her husband is a manipulative piece of crap.
@@fdm2155 She should've said goodbye before getting married again. Divorce was a bit of a strong threat, but if she belongs to the streets, then leave her there.
@@TeacherinTraining39 how is going to see someone you've known and loved for over 10 years on their death bed equate to being "for the streets". Be so supercalifragalisticexpialodoiusly for real right now🤦🏾♂️
Story 2: Kyle is a major douch and has no respect for op (see him asking op's gf in op's OWN apartment if she wants him to leave). Lilly hiding the truth and trying to downplay it is a clear sign for her to be op's ex.
Idk why he didn't cover the full story but there is an update to this one because it's been around for eons. Op called his dad who made fun of the dude. Kyle ended up turning one sour to the girl who called op crying. He told her to get her ish and he dumped her.
@hiroshi7025 don't forget the golden line of wisdom his dad dropped!!! "When someone you care about is in the line of danger, you get them out of it. She didn't tell him to leave because you wanted him to, she got Kyle out of the line of danger."
The last story, I really resonate with. My ex boyfriend died in 2021 due to COVID and Aemonia so it was rough to find that out from his mom. When I told my boyfriend he fully understood and supported me through the funeral service for my ex. And I can't be more grateful for a person like him in my life.
Yeah, everyone is built differently and it seems like the husband been burned and seemed like a reaction of being tired of it. I can't really fault him without more info but OP and her husband need to talk. Sad all around.
Maybe OP's husband could go with her whilst she says goodbye to her ex. He doesn't need to be in the room if it makes him uncomfortable, but maybe it could give him peace of mind.
I'm not a polyamory expert by any means but I agree with rslash with that every single post about open relationships being about a person wanting to cheat and get away with it, because I think that people who are legitimately poly start a relationship under these premises and don't just spring it on their partner.
I don't think we should use reddit posts as evidence that it doesn't work. The reason we see 100% of reddit posts showing that it doesn't work out is because the ones that do don't need a reddit post
@@FrogAtPond Thoughts on approaching it if you only discover it after relationship began? I. E., you get in relationship, a year later you first discover the basic concept of poly, after some soulsearching you come to discover it applies to you?
I think relationships can shift between mono and poly over time but it’s always predicated by lots of communication. I knew I wanted a poly relationship eventually and discussed it with my now husband, and we mutually decided to wait until we had lots of trust and strength in our relationship. It took 6 years until we were interested in opening up! Building a super solid foundation with each partner is vital.
@@me36404 It’s not necessarily about the idea that these Reddit posts are 100% proof that open relationships don’t work. I think it’s more about the fact that a partner who’s asking to open the relationship after years and year of monogamy is an indication that the reasoning behind it is usually less than honest.
Last story: provided that this is the full picture, and there hasn't been a history of distrust and arguments between the husband and the ex, I think it's clear what OP should do. Go, then divorce the husband. He's obviously a terrible person.
That at this point doesn't matter, the ex what to see her because he may not make it, don't forget the OP didn't what to divorce him, he did because of the disease, the ex did a lot for the OP, the only thing that the current husband did was make her pregnant and now is mentally abusing her, the other guy is dying do he really think she is going to cheat on him? While she is 5 months pregnant? The OP would be better as a single mom than been with that guy it sucos and it is hard, ir was the same with my mother after my dad when I was 10, I'm 33/34, I know it is hard, but in general is better.
Related to the second and last stories: My ex-husband and I were a classic "great friends, awful married" couple. We were hurting really bad leading up to the divorce, but already getting better by the time the papers were processing. We knew we were going to be friends after, and we were. We'd been best friends going into the marriage, so it just didn't make sense to either of us to put a complete end to everything, especially if it was just to keep other people from talking. Unlike the GF in the second story, I was always clear and upfront about my ex and I being friends. You HAVE to be, if you're going to have an ex in your life. I believe that she was sincere when she apologized, but I know that's my bias showing. For the woman in the last story... I really hope for the best for her. I can certainly see how she'd be blindsided, and hesitant given her current state of pregnancy. But I can say for sure that if MY husband threatened divorce over going to see my dying ex, I'd tell him that I'd sign the papers when I got home. If her husband always knew about her ex, then this behavior really is baffling. Does he really think this fella isn't dying and he's going to get jollies from his 5 months pregnant wife? The heck, dude. Truly confusing.
Yeah, I agree on the second story. The GF seemed sincere and scared with the apology, while OP came off as one of those “women can’t be friend with men” a-holes and needs to take a hike. Tbh, it irked me that rSlash inherently read the ex with the entitled voice, because I can see the ex’s perspective of the OP seeming really controlling (when the ex asked the girlfriend if she wanted him to leave; the ex probably didn’t know this was the BF’s apartment). The girlfriend is better off without the DBag OP.
I don't understand how everyone thinks, just because they are an ex, it means you can't talk or even be in the same room anymore. All of my breakups were amicable, and I'm still friends with 2 of them. We just didn't work as a couple but still hang out all the time. One of them is my horror movie buddy. She's my only friend who likes horror movies so we go to see them all the time together and get food after to discuss it.
@@royal-wolf Lying about meeting your ex is the main issue here. On top of that, body language says a lot, like the girlfriend refusing to meet OP’s eyes. These are huge red flags that would make me mistrust my partner. Edit: The fact that you don’t see this also raises some questions that your partner should be asking you.
@@myself-cs5wb I've heard that it's much more difficult than most people think to tell whether someone is lying based on their body language. That's why that's not used in courtrooms. Also, she didn't lie. OP never asked who, specifically, she was meeting, so she didn't tell him.
@@me-myself-i787 If you know the other person it gets easier to read them. It's not foolproof but it's more than enough to start asking questions. Lying by ommission is still lying. If you make the decision to withhold information from your partner that they should know because you're in a relationship, that's still lying, just with fewer steps.
Story 1: If what you built was so strong then why did she cheet? You don't owe her anything and you don't need to be with her to be there for your kids, if you can't forgive her then don't hurt yourself to make her feel better. If she tries to make you look bad tell everyone the truth, your real love one's will understand.
The opening sentence there makes no sense. People cheat. Doesn’t matter how strong things are. Some people are chronic cheaters. OP could be completely innocent
@@alexanderhenby1362 well the step-son maybe but the daughter is most likely be allowed in his life and vise verse. At the very least she will drag him to court for child-support since he raised her for 10 years. There he could probably ask for split custody. Though i am no lawyer and have no experiance in that field.
@@C.G.Gaster sadly, in some states, it doesn't matter if the child is a product of an affair, the government will still see OP as the legal father due to him being married to the skank.
Dabney, of course you’ve never read a Reddit post about a relationship becoming open and everything is fine because people don’t post those stories. Nobody reads a story that goes, “My wife and I decided to open our relationship. It’s been great, and everybody lives happily ever after, the end.”
On Reddit, no, you don't. I know a lot of people who are in open relationships, and everyone involved is very happy with a healthy relationship. Reddit, 99% of the time, gets the failures of those relationships, not the successes.
Yup! I don't post about how great polyamory has been for my fiance and I anywhere except polyamory specific forums and things like that, because it's not drama filled. I asked if he was okay if we tried polyamory because I wanted to date this close good friend of mine, and he went "oh shit, I also want to do that, so if he's down so am I" and we've lived happily ever after, it's been life five years now. It's not good content lol! But I do wish once in a while he'd get a good story that ended with happy polyamory, but that's just bc I want to hear stories about people like me.
@Makai Wise I was just confirming what you said with a little input of my own. I am horrible with phrasing, so sorry if it comes across as me disagreeing, only to then agree.
Story 3: You should thank your ex, if it wasn't for him wanting to cheat without consequence then you would have never known what a real relationship should be like because you would have been stuck with him. I've never seen this work out at all, usual one of them ends up with a better person for them.
That poor kid, at ten explaining you are not her biological father may be a bit tricky but you can certainly explain regularly that you'll always be her daddy no matter what and then when she finds out, it will not cause as much trauma maybe as she will not lose anything
@@H-to-O how? she accepted HIS conditions, HE admitted he wanted to cheat, HE didn't want to actually be emotional with her, HE doesn't treat her well, if someone treats you not that well and another does, who are you gonna go for?
@@PapaBearIsHereExactly. The whole situation started because the ex-fiance wanted to open the relationship, not OP. If he hadn't done that, then OP wouldn't have found someone who treated her better and would've gotten married with ex-fiance instead.
Shoutout to the thumbnail *First OP:* Poor OP. He should divorce his wife for his own sake. I don't know what will happen to his daughter, but I wish her and OP the best. *Second OP:* I remember this story. It sounds made up, but in the off chance it's real, OP did the right thing. It's weird that Lilly didn't specify who her friend is, and that she didn't stick up for OP when her friend/ex disrespected OP. *Third OP:* An open relationship? That can't be go- oh, maybe it _is_ for OP! Looks like she and her ex's ex dodged a bullet. Best of luck to OP and her boyfriend. Also, best of luck to the ex girlfriend. *Fourth OP:* This sounds like a tough situation. OP is right in that she shouldn't go behind her husband's back. I think the best course of action is to sit her husband down and explain why it's important to see her ex. If OP's husband still delivers his ultimatum, then OP might have to call his bluff. It's a sad situation all around.
Story 2: I don't know, I'm reading this way different than apparently most people. Especially the part when Kyle asked her if she wanted him to leave. Let's assume that she's being honest, and they were just talking because he needed someone to talk to. OP comes home, realises who Kyle is and starts acting hostile (because tired and surprised an all that, I get it). To me, it sounds like Kyle is asking his friend if she's ok being left alone with an angry bf. As in: "He seems angry, are you afraid of him, will you be safe if I go now?" Could be I'm way off, maybe they banged or whatever, but I just wanted to say that. Trying to make sure your friends are safe is a good thing.
For anyone curious about the 2nd story: OP updated. He called his dad for support who opened his eyes to the fact that when Lily diffused the situation she was doing so for Kyle's sake (OP is way bigger than Kyle, so if he got aggressive Kyle would've been in big trouble and Lily knows that), which goes to show who was really on her mind during that whole situation. He broke up w/ Lily the next day. She cried and begged and bargained but he stood firm.
Bullshit Ops dad can apparently read minds he wasn't even there?? They were sitting far away from eachother and talking how is that cheating the only thing gf did wrong is not mentioning that her friend is also her ex. Op is an insecure douche bet he didn't even let her have guy friends
Man watching RSlash during breakfast had been my routine since my freshman year of Highschool. Now I’m walking to the cafe in my freshman year of college
Story 1: Man, why is that cheaters ALWAYS try and blow up their partners phone’s and beg them to talk after they get caught? Like, Op knows you cheated on him, he knows the kid isnt his, what could you POSSIBLY say at this point…? Op i’m sorry, your (hopefully STBX) is a horrible person and you deserve better. Divorce the wife, stay with the daughter.
the third story is the funniest thing i've heard in a good while. that dude just wanted to have a relationship without putting in any effort. he didn't even like holding hands! how romantic! i'm happy for OP, finding herself a good guy to love. and the cherry on top of this whole story is how the ex-fiancé is going to become an ex-boyfriend too because he is too lazy to put work into his relationships lol. i hope he learns from this and is a better partner with his next relationship, but i won't hold my breath.
The bf was an a-hole for not even trying in either relationship. Even if he isn't emotional (I'm not either honestly) he needs to make an effort to satisfy his partners emotional needs.
Story 2: I can understand that OP is upset his gf is hanging out with her ex, but the entire story he's being fishy about her hanging out with a guy specifically. Even assuming the timberlands belonged to her supposed female friend's bf, assuming she can't hang out with a man as a friend. That's just red flag behaviour on OPs part
no.. she shouldve been open from the beginning. i know i wouldnt want a dude in MY house with my gf if i wasnt home. too many shady people out there not everyone has good intentions.. plus the way the dude acted was kinda suspicious i bet they had sex before op got back
Story 2: I believe a somewhat similar situation popped up in an older AITA video, where two friends, guy and a girl, were talking about personal stuff in a room with the door closed and the fiance to one of them got very upset that they were alone together. I want to carry over the same opinion I did from that video, in that while it's definetly shady from an outside perspective OP doesn't actually know what happened during their alone time and jumping to conclusions can be really messy. Now I do agree that they should break up since the hypocrisy of the whole "compliment at the gym" thing is pretty nasty, but isolated the situation could've been resolved with just a simple ask for clarification. It didn't have to be made into this big of a deal.
@@samhainnc9416- He added that to the story while ALSO including the bit where he told her “you didn’t tell me your friend was a man”, heavily implying that women can only be friends with other women, and that just shows his true colors right there.
@@Tustin2121 Thank you! I’m surprised everyone glossed over that and is just blindly following OP. I really didn’t like that rSlash starting using his Karen voice for OP’s girlfriend while she was saying pretty reasonable stuff. I have no idea why everyone has this weird idea that two exes are physically incapable of platonic interactions.
The last story is simply: Controlling person gets mad because he thinks The person he is controlling is going to get controlled because he like tô control
Open relationships can work, if set up as such from the start. It's a whole different thing if you take monogamous relationship and one side suddenly wants to open it.
Story 1: I've heard a lot of stories about a kid belonging to another parent and not who is raising them. Sometimes it's a swap by the nurse, other times it's the result of cheating. I can never understand the latter though.
Agreed. If OP wasn’t pregnant, I would have just said “okay, I’ll draft the paperwork in the morning”. Sorry, but I don’t want to be married to an insecure man child. In direct contrast to story 2, OP openly told her husband who was involved and showed this has nothing to do with cheating or the like. She was completely open and transparent instead of going behind his back. The husband is just being insecure and jealous for no reason. 3/5 AH
OP should have known better than to get married to another man. I mean, it's common knowledge that men treat their wives like property and get mad when those wives turn out to be people with their own motivations and wishes.
How is he manchild,se simply want his woman all to himself.he have nothing to do with that part of her life.woman need to get her high horse and commit to one man.or don't get married if you going to hang on past.
Yeah. This guy is so insecure that he thinks his wife will cheat on him. With her ex. Who is going to die very soon either way. Like seriously she asks for a ONE SINGLE HOSPITAL VISIT. And that's it. If you really don't trust her - why not go there with her?
@@svr5423 Wrong the vast majority of people have no doubts over paternity and even for the small amount people that do two thirds of the time it shows they just are the dad, so this just isnt an issue for most people to waist time, also if you think woman chet commonly well data shows men cheat more so dont bothor making that claim but I doubt you do any research lol
Honestly, the issue with story 2 isn't that she's potentially cheating. She could 100% just trying to be a friend to her ex and help him. The real issue is that she was deceitful to her current partner. I don't think her lying and being surprised when her current partner entered the room is a sign of cheating. She was most likely caught off her guard and knew how it looked to others who didn't understand. Had she been honest with her boyfriend in the first place, there wouldn't be much of an issue. The reality is that we can't tell if she's cheating with her ex. What we can tell is that she's willing to lie to her partner to look good. Edit: I think ESH. The boyfriend says a lot of things that make it seem like he owns his GF. His girlfriend is a jerk for lying and maybe possibly cheating. And the ex is just a jerk who should know better on how this looks to his current ex's partner
Story 3: People doing open relationships just so they can sleep with someone else and not consider it cheating are just cowards. Like, just break up first and then sleep with that other person.
I think if everyone consents its fine. Sure 99 times out of 100 these kinds of stories always end in a break-up, but this situation taught OP what she was looking for and valued in a relationship. If everyone consents it really isnt cheating. Some people like the room to experiment, sexually and romantically, and as long as everyone is on board with this idea, theres no problem.
The second story has an update, the OP called his dad and his dad pointed out how the GF was disrespectful of OP and didn't get the ex to leave until OP was getting upset and it seemed like stuff might have gone down if it escalated so she was more worried about protecting the ex than respecting OP enough to tell the ex to leave before, OP ended up breaking up with her
Story 1 - As an adoptee, I agree with you rSlash that everyone has a right to know who their parents are even if there is no relationship, especially to learn family medical history and traits that would be passed to future generations. My adoption was closed until recently when the state finally opened all records. By the time I received my details, both of my bio parents had passed making it very difficult to obtain any information when most of the families had no idea that I even existed. I hope the OP will inform the child sooner rather than later because she deserves to know.
For story 1, I would still recommend a DNA test to 100% confirm before throwing them all away. The flip side of this is it could be the wife has been looking for a way out for years and this was the wonderful idea she or her friend came up with to help matters along. Trust no one, because it could be a ploy to get rid of him while keeping/stealing his daughter to up the child support payments she'll be entitled to since he would willingly give up custody.
@@H-to-O I think you have a mistaken view of how this is going to go in court. She *absolutely* will get child support payments. The only question is whether or not she'll get support for all the children or some of them. She may get alimony too. After all, he knew the first set of kids weren't his and he married her anyway and supported them for 10 years. His abandoning those kids now after 10 years in will not play well in any court. So yes, it really could be a case of she was tired, wanted out, and knew an easy way to trigger him and get him to abandon her, which will play more sympathetically in the court than her leaving him. That would mean the child in question is just a pawn in the money game. I also highly suspect the motives of the "friend" who revealed all this. She was cool with it for a decade until *something* happened that triggered her to do something she absolutely knew would destroy that marriage. I really don't think he or we have gotten the full story on that. So I stand by my original statement: trust NO ONE. Get a DNA test. Verify who's child it is. And even if it isn't, know that in many courts it won't matter at all because he'll still end up paying support. What it will or might matter for is whether or not he fights for the child or just abandons it.
On the point about children deserving to know their biological parents, it’s also important because the medical history of your biological parents effects treatment and diagnostic options so heavily
Open relationship story: It's true, going from a mono relationship to an open and/or poly relationship (almost) never works. That said, I am myself in an open relationship with my partner, but it has been that way from the start, and we couldn't be happier! When someone in a closed/mono relationship suggests this, in 99% of cases it's because they just want sex with someone else like in this story, aka selfish reasons. And then they get surprised when it backfires on them, smh. Anyway, those kinds of stories make me sad because that's most often the setting in which people hear about these sort of relationships, the shit ones. I wish open and poly relationships can become more normalized without these sorts of people using it as a one way ticket into someone other than their partner's pants.
rslash has a good take for the first story, but you also have to keep in mind that the girl is around ten. she’s barely a decade old, and sometimes, kids shouldn’t be privy to information like that, because they can’t understand it properly, and it could be really quite distressing for them. edit for people: i say all this as a child who was told something very big by my parents at a young age. i’ll keep the info about it secret for privacy reasons, but i was told something huge by my parents when i was ten. that absolutely DESTROYED me at that age. that’s why i’m against telling her at ten years of age. though i accept that not all kids are the same, and it’s better to tell some kids young, and some not, it’s about knowing the kid. we don’t know her, so we can only give the bare minimum opinions from what we’ve been told, and going with that, i’m using my own experiences from when i was around her age.
i agree that people should be informed about things like that but also that 10 is too young for that. at that age she wouldn't really understand. maybe 15 would be the better age, but she should definitely learn before she's 18.
Thing is, almost always kids take these things better the younger they are, before they start to really internalize any identity for themselves. If you wait for teen or young adult years to tell them so often they go off the rails. Ideally you would be honest about things from the jump but since that didn't happen, he needs to find a child psychologist to find the best way to tell her & do so immediately imo. Not telling her WILL be worse later because she'll also find out that you knew for years too so she'll feel lied to & betrayed by everyone. That decision erodes trust in both parental figures so she'll feel cast adrift. That is catastrophic for children.
Telling her at 14/15/16 or in her early 20s could be dangerous. A lot of kids act out during that age WITHOUT having just found out their parents have been lying to them.. Also, kids can handle a lot
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 That'd definitely be my approach for a bunch of reasons. For one, I wouldn't want the kid finding out from someone _other_ than me, and in that story clearly a bunch of her mother's friends knew and now at least one is talking about it. And yeah, as you say, the younger the better. I'd want my theoretical adopted kid to be ready with a comeback to any bully who went "your parents aren't your real parents". (I'd tell her to say "My parents wanted me so much they chose me. Yours got you at random.")
i was told my bio dad was abusive but somehow still got joint custody.. i dont remember much from his side.. it was years later when he wanted to reconnect a few months later he showed his true colors
So I just want to say that I really appreciate your comments about children having a right to know who their parents are. I found out at the age of 30 that my parents were not my real parents, that in fact my eldest sister and her husband are my parents and that the girl who I'd always thought of as my niece was my younger sister. As you can imagine, like this was pretty devastating and I don't know that I'll ever have my feelings sorted about it. I just wish they told me especially since when I was very young I asked to see proof. My mom showed me my birth certificate at my request but they had had it legally changed. It just, I feel like I'm supposed to just understand why they did it without feeling like they hurt me but they did and I haven't come to terms with it and I don't know if I will.
The husband in the last story needs to grow up. Why can't he go with his wife to see her dying ex if he doesn't trust her? You can be ex's and still be friends you know, it's called being an adult.
I'm surprised he managed to get her pregnant with that tic tac if he's so certain his wife will dump him pregnant, married, and invested for a man likely on life support.
As for the monogamous becoming poly/open relationships, they are always about being able to date someone else. The difference is whether or not it’s a healthy move. The original couple’s relationship has to be extremely strong and trustful for the openness to work. If not, it will go to shit.
RSlash, the reason you don't hear stories about open relationships working out is for a simple reason: If there's no drama, no one will read it. There are plenty of people in open/poly relationships where things work out and they respect everyone's boundaries, but you don't find stories about them because of the lack of drama. 🤷🏾♀️ I mean, the story would pretty much be "Me and my partner agreed upon an open/poly relationship and everything worked out fine. The end." That wouldn't even make it to the top page. But, you see a story like the ones you've read and everyone immediately goes "Ooh. Juicy! Hope there's an update to add to this drama!" And then it gets up voted. The Internet thrives on drama and if there's none, it doesn't gain traction.
Don’t forget that if a girl says she doesn’t want you to get a DNA test on your kid, they’re doing it for *STRICTLY* selfish reasons, just so that way she doesn’t feel offended or that “you don’t trust her” vs the man’s peace of mind, the man’s possible life in the future, A DECADE of someone’s life. There was a story on RSlash that a man realized that his kid couldn’t possibly be his, confronted the wife about it, she was upset blah blah blah, and they got a DNA test, and turns out the baby wasn’t either of theirs and the babies were switched, so there’s more than just the possibility of the father’s peace of mind, but also the small chance, the mother’s peace of mind too.
Yes. Just a few days ago there were so many angry and toxic feminists argueing for never taking a test to protect their "feelings". They don't care about their children or husbands.
The fact that Lilly conveniently "forgot" to tell OP that crucial detail (that Kyle was her ex), and outright JUMPED when she saw OP, says everything: she was totally not expecting to get caught, and Kyle didn't even pretend that it was a misunderstanding. Had OP taken 1-2 hours longer, he'd probably had found them naked and in full action. That's assuming they didn't do it before OP arrived.
God that last story is a mess even if it's short. The fact that the husband immediately wants a divorce if she goes to see her ex feels really aggressively defensive to me. Like, not even willing to talk it out about how he feels and why OP wants to see the ex? Yes it's a boundary he doesn't want to cross, but it feels kinda off.
He's insecure and territorial, seeing his wife as his personal property that he has exclusive domain and control over. OP shouldn't have gotten married to another man so fast. Everyone knows how men are. OP should have known that opening a new chapter with a new man basically mandates that all previous men in her life be cut out forever (except MAYBE her father and brothers, but some men won't even tolerate that). If OP wanted to keep the connection with any male friends, especially exes, she should have accepted single life. It's just how men are. Seriously, if sexuality were a choice, NOBODY would date men.
I couldn't help noticing that there was no mention of a paternity test in that first story. You'd think OP would've _immediately_ demanded one to put any doubts down as to who the kid's biological father is.
Second Story: It was all handled poorly. It would have been possible to discuss it like adults, let her know that leaving out the ex bf part was a shitty choice, and move on. Or at the very least they could have met somewhere public. If the interaction when meeting Kyle was genuine (I have doubts with many reddit posts) then yeah, boot his ass out for not respecting you as it is YOUR home. Other than that though, I mean, I'm friends with some of my ex's as is my wife and neither of us would have issues with the situation (of course, we wouldn't hide the fact there was a relationship in the past).
Second story: lol. The girlfriend is like "I'm sure your ex be would empathetic and appreciate you being there for her" but also "DON'T YOU DARE SMILE AT ANOTHER WOMAN". OP, in the words of Rslash: "Run, _not walk,_ to the nearest exit." She's extremely possessive of you, while being perfectly happy not to hold herself to the same standard.
Rslash: Every time I see a post where someone wants to open a relationship it's because one wants to cheat and get away with it....I never see anyone open a relationship and it goes ok. Yeah. Probably because those it goes ok, or even really well for, have no reason to go on reddit forums dedicated to relationship problems or life issues to tell everyone. I'm sure that if you were getting stories from a subreddit dedicated to depressed clowns, you wouldn't find many instances of happy clowns either. 😆
she shouldve been open from the beginning. i know i wouldnt want a dude in MY house with my gf if i wasnt home. too many shady people out there not everyone has good intentions.. plus the way the dude acted was kinda suspicious i bet they had sex before op got back
I remember hearing the full story for the first story that we just listen to in the video and I'm not going to lie in the update it gets way worse and it doesn't help that some of the friends of both the original poster and the wife were just the definition of terrible people for keeping their secret about how they knew the kids weren't his Plus on top of that I just feel bad for the children in the story because the original poster decides to basically separate from the wife of 10 years and on top of that I think the kids find out about her cheating but the original poster chooses to stay in contact with them as their father but overall I just feel bad that he mentions at the end of the story that he just feels so devastated
it's always nice listening to stories where initiator of open/poly relationships end up having it backfire by showing their true colors to every woman they see while the person who gets the whole load dropped on them like op 3 actually gets to see how much better life can be without the initiator of said relationship
9:57 wait what’s the difference? 12:34 I’m in an open/poly relationship and like we are cool! There is no jealousy. Ugh he really gives us a bad reputation! 14:00 no RSlash I have made a post and it’s NOT that way for us. I mean, technically speaking the whole point of a polyamorous relationship IS what monogamous people would consider “cheating”. But I can assure you they are us out there who are okay with it and free of any inhibitions about it.
I agree with you that kids have a right to know who their real parents are. I also have an opinion regarding wether or not to tell the truth or not in situations like that: It feels like 9 times out of 10, the reason people say to not tell the truth to the kids is to *spare the cheater from consequences,* and it often ends up hurting the victim even more in the long run.
The messed up part about the first story is its VERY COMMON. In fact, many states will hold the person on the birth certificate for child support, even if proven they are not the dad and was tricked into marriage AND if the biological father is found. A messed up story from a few years back was a woman married to a man and had 3 kids. Turns out she was banging her "ex" while he was away at work and on business trips. The husband was suspicious and secretly did tests on his kids and found ALL 3 were not his! Later court findings prove it was the "ex"'s kids. Here is the kick in the teeth. During the divorce, this man was forced out of his home and forced to pay child support for these 3 kids, while the ex wife moved the ex boyfriend into the house but not required to pay any child support. The husband in this story only gets to see the kids one weekend a month if allowed by the ex wife. Tell me again how family law is not stacked against men?
I'm poly and I have been for a while now. My relationship was poly from the onset and my partners have partners. We're all one big happy family. We hang out with eachother and talk frequently. From personal experience, I recommend forming friendships with your metamours. A relationship that starts mono and then gets opened up on one side's request is a huge red flag.
For story 1: did op get a paternity test? He said that the conception dates matched up so even though the wife cheated, the child might still be his, right?
RSlash really needs to start adding the updates to these stories! The GF with the ex ends up with the OP dumping her but we wouldn't ever know that unless we dog for the story or hear it elsewhere
Story 1: that's a no-win situation for OP in any case. If he divorces his wife and leaves - he will cut contact with his daughter too. If he does not and suck it up without telling anyone - that hatred towards his wife will eat him alive. If he DOES tell - he would be seen as an embarassment by everyone which would also do damage towards his self-esteem.
That last one pisses me off. What does it matter what other toxic people think about you? If you’re doing it for your kids, you’re automatically a better man than any of those idiots who think toxic masculinity is a good thing. The one who SHOULD be embarrassed in the last scenario is the wife! Not the husband! The husband has nothing to be ashamed about! He was duped! He’s the victim in this instance!
He has to break up but he could maintain a relationship if allowed with the child, as for people why would it be an embarissment, its not like he could ahve known
Story 2 actually has an update where OP asks his dad what to do and his dad basically tells that there is no coming back from what happened. Later OP calls his GF home and breaks it off with her, after a lot of crying from her side of course
The last story: the new husband is a huge hypocrite in my opinion, he says her ex is using his sickness to manipulate her but then threatens divorce to manipulate her
I don't think telling a 10 year old that their dad isn't their dad is a good idea whatsoever, under any circumstance. A 10 year old doesn't possess the cognitive ability to understand the situation, and definitely isn't equipped to handle the wave of emotions that would follow. When they are older, that's a completely different story. But at 10 years old that would be an emotional death sentence.
Second story: that relationship is doomed, no trust. Also rSlash, man, you're AGAIN assuming that a woman talking to a man means they're automatically screwing. It's a bad look and doesn't fit who I thought you are. Last story, again no trust. Ex is on his deathbed, is the husband /really/ worried she's going to f*ck him in it? 🤦♂️
@@Ahrpigi it’s not the fact that they were talking, it’s the fact that she was secretive about who it was. Really manipulative to just say “my friend” and not disclose that it was actually her ex.
@@Ahrpigishe invited him over without telling op who he was, she didn't know if op was comfortable with it, she got mad and yelled at op for smiling when a girl complemented his form at the gym, and when op brought up a very good point about how she would be mad in his position as well she stormed out
To be fair, if you just want to talk. You can go to a cafe, or a restaurant. Or anywhere without a bed. Specifically going to a place with a bed and no other people around certainly makes it suspicious. It's why hotels and motels are known for random hook-ups.
Lol here's a fresh one for you, then, Rslash! I suggested opening my wife and I's relationship because I'm asexual and she isn't. It was my idea, she agreed, and then we proceeded to have no other partners for four years lol. She does go on dates sometimes now, and I am completely happy with this arrangement. We also know that the reverse would apply if I wanted to date. Also, check ins! Just to make sure we're both still happy with it.
Story 2: Reasons why you know she's laying or not telling the whole truth. One, she wasn't upfront at all, I'm seeing a friend is not even a little bit close to I'm meeting my ex at your place. Two, she jumped when she saw you, if nothing is wrong then why did she jump. Lastly, her ex was so cocky to you, and acted like he had more power than you did even though it's your house and that's your girlfriend. Asking her if he could stay when it's your appointment like your the 3rd wheel
I literally served with a guy in the Air Force who had a daughter around that age when he found out it wasn't his. Before he could divorce her, she got pregnant with his kid and he got the paternity test to prove it was. It was his kid this time, and he didn't divorce her because of that kid. Wonder whatever happened to him as all the drama happened shortly after he transferred to another base.
Story 2: My thoughts listening to it was "Oh I think he over reacted" at first since he did know and like I'm all for being friends with your ex, but then he explained that her reaction to just him smiling at a complement from a rando was to freak out then yeah, that's at very least a double standard, if not a red flag.
I mean, nothing is wrong with hanging with your ex, especially if ya'll stayed as friends after the break up. I mean, i was friends with my ex because we were friends before dating. That doesn't mean i'm gonna cheat or get with someone just because i still had a platonic relationship with my ex
@@Milk-ck1wv also, she seems pretty toxic. She yelled at him for embarrassing her not caring about how he feels, apparently was super insecure at the gym and yelled at him for smiling when someone complemented his form, and stormed out when op made a good point
If op was telling the truth, we gotta keep in mind some of the things he noticed: she got jumpy when she say op back-as in nervous to meet this one “friend”, like she thought they wouldn’t even meet so this same situation wouldn’t happen, like hoping to dodge something bad. If you think it’s bad, at least be honest with your partner. That the gf remained on the couch and didn’t seem to properly greet op in their own home SOUNDS like she was trying to keep from showing the relationship too. This is probably the bigger of my assumptions.Op said the guy was having a cocky tone but honestly it could just be perceived that way. She also said in the text that he texted her for awhile after the blue so it doesn’t really sound like they stayed friends. When the ex was asked to leave and said “but were talking about good old times” she didn’t correct it and instead LOOKED DOWN. She may have not intended to cheat but you don’t take an ex that came out of nowhere to a place alone to talk about the old days when they’re having a hard time if you’re trying to prove that nothing is happening.
Story 4: she should go see him... you can't dictate who your partner talks to or visits even if it's an old ex. In this story and in Story 2 I feel like there's this "you can't talk to an ex/same-sex friend rule" that basically translates to "I don't trust my partner to not cheat on me"... and if that's the case why on earth are you together. Trust is THE foundation for a relationship. If you don't have that then why bother?
There are PLENTY of open and/or Poly relationships that are healthy and happy and fine... but damn if the ones that fail aren't a fireworks show because when it's opened or becomes poly due to someone wanting to cheat, or wanting to have their cake and eat it too, and doesn't keep maintaining their original partner, it does collapse under the weight of greed.
I hate that there's such a stigma against being friends with your exes, and I hate that there's so many people out there like the dude in the second story that make it worse. I've never broken up with someone on bad terms and I'm even still pretty close with a couple of them. I can easily see myself wanting to just hang out with them as friends again, but then we got mr chad over here trying to prove all exes either hate each other or want to get back together.
For story 1, I'd take said kid to their favourite restaurant and then gently break the news to them: Me: "I recently learned that I wasn't the one who helped mommy to make you. I am your dad, but not by blood. If you want I can take you to meet your blood dad, but no matter what, I will always be your daddy."
People will cry about that putting mothers on the spot, but there's a way around it: DNA testing for any genetic disorders. "Hello, it looks like your son has nothing wrong with him genetically other than being lactose intolerant, but unfortunately, he's not the father."
Wrong the vast majority of people have no concirns ove rpaternity and for the small amount with actual doubts for whatever reason in the majoty of the times thye just are the father, basically its just a waist of time for most people
So what you said about the first story kinda hit me hard. My entire life I grew up NEVER knowing my dad or his side of the family. I just knew his name, what he looked like, and that he never wanted kids to begin with. He and my mom weren't even in an exclusive relationship, I was just the result of them hooking up time and time again. I always asked my mom growing up why I didn't have any cousins or aunts or uncles or anything and she just said they didn't care about us. Turns out, she kept me away from them because they don't like her for what she did, she deprived me of my extended family because she can't be civil with them. My dad has tried to reach out to me before, apologizing for everything and saying that he's a changed man now, but I never respond because I don't know what I'd say. I used to be just so angry and sad that he didn't want me in the first place, that they weren't even two people in love, that I couldn't have parents and family like other kids. But now I dont even have my mom or anyone, they've all turned their backs on me. Ive thought about reaching out to him to finally meet him in person but I'm not in a position where I can do that because he lives many states away. But what you said about parents who keep their other parent away from their kid really made me realize how awful my mom was to do that to me
She claims nothing Shady was going on and that the two of them alone in your apartment proof nothing Shady was going on. if nothing Shady was going on as she claimed then she would have met him in a public space.
