Radical Self Love: Gala Darling at TEDxCMU 2012 

She didn't beleive she was pretty or worthy for a long time - that's one of the reasons why she had an eating disorder. I'm someone who had very low self esteem, and even though people commented about aspects of my personality and looks they liked - the issue was I didn't appreciate myself. Loving yourself because you fit a cultural standard is conditional self-love, she's advising unconditional self-love. Love that comes from within, and not based on comparison.

Every word Gala Darlin writes, says and shares strikes a wonderful, beautiful chord with me! I only hope that women of the world out there take a queue from Gala and indulge in some Radical Self Love!

Wow, I had the idea to buy a journal and fill it with all the things I love (like a vision journal) a couple months ago and thought of it again last night. This is a sign 😅 I definitely have to do it now!

After reading that manifesto one feels this is the fashionable "pretty pink" female version of Jesus / Buddha :) Jam-packed solid practical wisdom in this talk. Thanks.

I hope she was joking when she said, "Now I can eat 2 boxes of donuts and feel great". Actually, she would not feel great. Part of self-love is feeding yourself the healthiest food you can. Food is fuel and if you eat healthy and get some exercise, you will feel great. Exercise is great for depression as well. Good talk overall.

What a fabulous woman!! You're wonderful Gala! Hugs from Montpellier, France!

great speech. one thing personally I realized that compliments from other people had no effect on me because I couldn't feel it within.

Female empowerment is about rediscovering the power of feminine love and creativity and her power to create life. Male's responsibility is to use his physical power to serve and protect female. Neither side is more or less powerful, and both are far more powerful together than alone.

did you watch the video?, aparently you want to be a stereotype, and that's the complete opposite of what Radical Self Love is about, they value inner and outter beauty, but not the beauty you see in magazines, apreciate the fact that you're unique, and be proud that you don't look like someone else, there's not only one point of view in beauty, everyone has his own concept of beauty,be beautiful to yourself and find someone who loves you for who you are, you ARE beautiful :)

I had the same thought "saved by a man" at first too. But, in revisiting my judgement, I realized that's just a step in her journey. Don't let the fact that she had someone to help her out of darkness become your focus. You'll miss the point. And besides, I use the word 'help' bc it was ultimately her choice to save herself. And it is that way for all of us.

Its just kind of annoying that she charges money to help us learn to love ourselves on our blog. Kind of selfish to me.

Oh PLEASE!!! The man isn't the point is was someone that loved her enough to say "hey your behavior is unacceptable and if you want a relationship your going to have to get some help"!!! And that was how SHE got started on self love, you might have a different story.

this lady is amazing and a true inspiration!!!

love it..I will start my own raical love!! Thanks

Gala Darling has just become my most favourite person on earth. Young girls especially need to hear her message.

I'm extremely disappointed that TED is inviting such a lower caliber of people like gala darling. She is Not an expert in this field, not even close, she's just learned how to generate a huge fanbase. If she did some research, she'd know that the self-esteem movement is old news. Studies are finding that it is Not the key to happiness. People with high self-esteem don't necessarily love themselves more, they just have bigger egos, which is BAD. Self-compassion is a more balanced approach.

i'm not saying she's part of a pyramid scheme, i'm saying the same argument you're using (hey, you gotta make a living somehow!) can also be used to defend pyramid schemers and a host of other shady "professions" when you don't factor in the importance of ethics and integrity.

Typically I'd say something like "but there is an unaddressed danger of too much self love"... but this is such a huge problem, that I can't bear the thought of critiquing her for this wonderful talk. In this case, bringing that up would have hurt the talk, because it is of minor importance comparatively, and she modeled healthy behavior well at the end. well done.

Such an important and inspiring talk. Thank you so much! Just wish I could have heard it louder.... had all my volume settings up at the loudest... Thanx so much for your talk.

Turning something basic like radical self love (free free free) into a big money making business. I need to get in on this, please teach me.

Loved this talk. Love her! Thank you Gala for having the courage to love yourself and share with us!!

I would prefer a gift voucher from a hardware store than a boquet of 💐

thank you for sharing!

And certainly, you know every single male being that exists on earth and can judge even those, who treat women equally and with respect. Are you a magician?

Very inspirational. I definitely think i'll put into action what shes said. My only issue is that II think she should be what she is trying to promote. Dying her hair plantnum blonde and wearing expensive clothing to pad your self conscious isn't exactly a person I see as confident in themselves.

Ooh, love these tips, Gala Darling! And your EFT sessions are brilliant. Thanks for being such a bright neon pink shining star! You rock!

Love Gala

Thank you so much for this. Thankyou for sharing your story. We are all individuals. If we all love our selves we will learn to love each other. Serving others also brings great love and happiness. Do onto others as you would wish them to do to you. Love one another. God bless you miss.

This TED talk reminds me not to trust TED for always picking wise people for their platform. I must always check the person's background.

Strong, confident, uplifting - it's good to hear from someone that has faced adversity in their life and beaten it. I think you should re name as " Real Self Love " and they should have you in every school. A retreat to re connect with yourself and nature would be fantastic in New Zealand one of the most wondrous places on the planet. Keep on keeping on - Kill the detractors with your smile and bury them with your success .

So the beginning of your road to radical self love was finding someone who loved you enough to support you as you worked through your issues. Having the love and support of a romantic partner is huge. Is that the ring on your finger. Happy for you but not every one is so lucky.

and i see what you're saying, i'm not squashing your opinion - merely pointing out that receiving a positive boost from compliments is NOT the be-all, end-all of the self-love process. merely another method of the journey toward empowerment. self-deprecation is narcissism's mirror opposite - the middle area in-between should be the goal. no man is an island, it's okay to recognize the good others see in you - as long as one also works toward seeing it in themselves, and others, as well.

empowerment is realizing that following strict cultural gender roles is a choice and one is free to opt out of that blueprint if they so choose. if one identifies with the socially-proscribed status quo of their gender archetype (as male=masculine and female=feminine), that is fine. it's just as fine not to! as long as each individual feels free to make their own individual choice... including their own unique definition of what masculinity and femininity mean to them.

I think women have different needs in self-esteem and self-love with societal gender roles and such. There is a need for this kind of female empowerment still with the rates of suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders. Not to mention the lack of quality female role models in everyday media and advertisements. I'm all for men and women empowerment too but I also support programs aimed for people of a specific gender or other groups (disabilities, races, etc)

That a surprising number of negative votes. Most can agree that fashion is for a social means (not always, but in most cases). People who see fashion as an art will dress "up" even when they are at home alone. They don't need people to be looking at their art piece to create it. If I told you an artist continues to make painting when his friends compliment/look at his work, would you say he loves making art or does he love the social validation?

I'm not going to get into an argument about who can prove they hate themselves more, all I'll say is one person's self-hate isn't lesser than just because they don't cut or starve themselves. As for having to make a living, that doesn't let her off the hook. Would you defend pyramid schemers the same way? There's a thing called INTEGRITY. If she really wanted to help her followers, she'd point them towards experts, or do the hard work to become one herself. Not half-ass it like she does.

I was born with curly hair. On average, women who have straight hair are more likely to be hired for higher paying jobs. Now should I reinforce straight hair because I want work a professional job? No. Does straight hair get me more societal benefits? Yes. I'm sure there are plenty of ways I can update my appearance to become "who I want to be". Is that futuristic me realistic or am I idolizing someone else? Exploration is healthy, but once you've gotten the message, put down the phone.

The problem I continue to have with her and women like this is the lack of understanding that not everyone is going to have a man or woman or anyone care enough about them to get them out of their issues. She does come off absolutely hypocritical 1. The whole video starts with a glammed up photo of her and 2. Her healing began because she wanted to please someone else.

I am "thin and pretty" but it doesn't make it easy to love myself. People have still found ways to tear me down like criticizing my prominent chin or pointing out my broad shoulders. Advertisements still make you believe unless you're an airbrushed sex object you have to value as a woman. Being pretty or ugly is subjective and relative.

And another thing, haha, did you even watch the video? What specifically in it would you say is "BAD" for anyone? The whole message is self-compassion and compassion for others. Our world is so gossipy, judgmental, and plain ole mean (like ranking people's 'caliber'); she's preaching the opposite, how in the world could that be a bad thing?

You can mock that she was helped by a man, but it could have been a woman. The point is not how she moved past that phase of her life, but what she is doing now to empower women. There is no need or justification in undermining her message of female empowerment.

I disagree. There is no solid self, but whatever manifests in this moment, whether you want to call it self or not, it doesn't matter. Love that. Love all that this life has to offer. Every molecule. Every moment. Love those you disagree with. Love, love, love.

i honestly and truly adore this woman. i just want the world to take on radical self love...its changed my life.

she just means to put yourself first sometimes....respect yourself. Realize that you have value and are worthy of LOVE. What's so wrong with that??? NOTHING so get over yourself!

also, writing down in a book all the compliments people give you. that is just relying on others to dictate your self worth - or lack thereof.

Beautiful message for every woman! Thank you!

Magic, as ever :) I am so proud to see a fellow Wellingtonian standing up there at TED telling her story like it is. I will remember meeting you once when you were about 14, fully into your goth phase and seeing the beautiful and amazing woman you are today. So proud. Kia kaha, arohanui.

thankyou for this! I immediately shared it with my teenage daughter who is dealing with her own issues. We are soooo going to make our own self love journals(with a group of her friends)! Again, thankyou for sharing your heart!

Speaks of eating disorder, says now can eat a whole box of...donuts. :o

Just went looking for it, but I had a hard time finding it. What is the title for it?

self does not mean ego or body-you. Self means sole. self esteem means respect the sole not you.

I learned all this reading the bible and having a relationship with God. And I must say she is truly blessed to have all this understanding and knowledge. Keep up the good work girl, I just can not stop smiling when I hear someone who's been through her depression coming out more beautiful and wiser. I'm very impress indeed!

Sadly, for all the positive stuff she tried to get out there -- her entire life is "then I met this man", generally to fund her lifestyle. She seems to genuine, but I don't think she realizes how hypocritical she is perceived.

While I absolutely adore this message, wouldn't it benefit more than just women? Society places impossible standards on everyone, everyone can have issues with their body and confidence; men, women, trans people, people who don't know what the crap they are, aren't they all special people who deserve to love themselves? Women have problems in society, of course, but to say that we're the only ones with problems or the even the ones with the worst problems, is, in my opinion, highly debatable.

LOVED your talk and hearing your story, Gala Darling - Radical Self Love -- you're a fabulous role model.

how amazingly inspirational. i want to try doing this, because I am someone who always talks about knowing her worth, but I feel like when it comes to judging myself, I'm so pessimistic. I want to be optimistic and love myself, but I also want to maintain the distinction between unconditional self-love and unfounded pride.

This is about "ego creation". NO! Self love, is "self" revealing and is independent of social standards. This should be titled "the media sucks and makes us question ourselves as individual humans". In the vein of "self love" ... there is but 1 reality: your own each head is a world what you think is none of my business (i cannot know what you think, it will always be our own opinion of whatever we deal with). we're born alone & we die alone (screaming) your own urine is your own salvation it's called "self realization" the intensity of self knowledge is so fierce we continually seek to remove ourselves from being with ourselves, for this reason solitary confinement is so harsh and is a punishment. Self love is not an easy task. But it can be done but we shouldn't worry about it, it will come when we are ready it takes thousands of lifetimes to reach perfect affinity with the pure self

Very good but a little sexist and highlights a major lack of understanding into men. No wonder male suicide is bigger the focus on self healing is focused only towards women very sad. This video should be about people not women.

she lost me at "and then i met a man" ...

Wow 2023 came across this right before tapping to her high vibes...this is incredible!💗💫🙌🏽 Love this!!

her story is that she met a romantic partner and they helped her teach her how to heal and eventually learn to love herself... okay. what if i don’t have that??

why is this directed at women instead of people in general?

GALA YOU ARE TRULY A REALLY INSPIRING PERSON. THIS IS A REALLY UNDERRATED VIDEO. ANYONE COULD BENEFIT FROM THIS. THANK YOU 💖

This is not only relevant for women - it is relevant for all beautiful human beings struggling to love themselves and each other. good work gala. Lets all embrace ourselves now.xxxxx

She has some great points but the main problem with here self-love philosophy is that there is no connection between loving yourself and loving others. As humans we are social creatures, and have a need not only to love but to be love by others, not only to love and be loved by yourself. And if this is true it means that we are created to give something of ourselves to others which does not follow the model of self-love but of SELFLESS-LOVE.

what a wonderful lady with a wonderful message. this is awesome! I totally agree on the subject of tabloids/ gossip magazines

Not "saved by" just made to realize she was heading in the wrong direction. That sort of thing happens sometimes. It could have been any number of things, this time it just happened to be love.

we are who we are because we choose to be, but underlying that choice is the interaction between us and those around us. ultimate self-worth comes from within, but a lack of it often results from feeling unloved by others. you cannot love yourself unless you love others; you cannot love others unless you love yourself. and you must be able to simultaneously recognize love one receives. perhaps recognizing that one is loved is a possible first step toward attaining true inner self-worth.

If you are too mean, some women get turned off. You have to have just the right balance or douche baggery. The Jersey shore guys seemed to have mastered it. Women will say that's not what they want but they will sleep with guys like that every time and leave decent guys in the dust unless they are really ugly, then they have accept a nice guy.

why didn't you recommend EFT if you credit it with healing you from your eating disorder?

I just think people need to be fair and give guys a brake sometimes. You get tired of having to make a lot of money, be cool, be macho, then also be sensitive to female needs but at the same time, try your best to date or marry the hottest girl possible. All the while you are wanting sex so bad because of the testosterone. You are shunned and considered a loser if you can't get a girl even though you bust your ass trying. If you are too nice to a girl she will friend you and no sex or love.

Philippians 4:8-9: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Is it always like this that you have to go through some bad things before you can get something valuable from it :( ? I had eating disorder before as well...

I love women but I am sick of everyone in the media feeling sorry for women when they have it so much better than men.

Each person's value begins the same when born, then we can add or take away from our valuability with our choices in behavior. Equality is a red flag word. People do not have equal value. Would you rather have a hard worker on your crew or a lazy one? The former because her value/payoff is higher. The real point is liberation. Women need to be liberated from men/the patriarchy. The common man needs to be liberated from the ruling class. Once that stuff's done, we can talk comparative value.

Great article, you make your point very well. I do think that women need to recognize that fashion is an art in itself and that one get take enjoyment in playing dress up from time to time. I guess my greatest bout is with women that feel they have to dress themselves up because they are reinforced by attention from others. That can be a healthy or unhealthy reason to dress yourself nicely. Here is a perfect example:

Way to go kiwi girl.....arohanui :))

"Get along peacefully" and "fighting for one's own right" is not two things that can coexist. As long as there is fighting, there will be victims - especially if the fighting is done with a specific group in mind. Unless all groups are taken in account, there will be no peaceful solution. Fight for EVERYBODY's equal rights, and you'll be more open to the truth, in whatever way it comes.

great message that every woman needs to hear! Love Gala and her simple radical self-love ideas.

Men can definitely participate in empowerment. Many men have done so for me, and I for them.

no, actually more women have died from male violence. pref treatment in hiring.....lololololOLOLOLOL

I'm all for female empowerment, but I really wish there were more role models and advocates for men on the issue of self-esteem and self-love.

Great! Have me food for thought I really feel inspired.

this girls still looks like a bit selfish ..but ....let it go....

Loved listening to your story, and will follow the manifesto. Now. And. Forever. Thanks!

She's from New Zealand but has been living in NYC for years.

Right? What reasons do women even HAVE for hating men? Oh wait.

I'm so happy this is finally posted!! I go to CMU but I couldn't be there

Great video. Thank you very much. ❤x

someones bitter about being an average guy.

I really like the part where you recited the self radical love manifesto

Also, get back to me when your hair starts falling out, you lose that tiny waist, and that man that helped you heal leaves you.

You are so inspiring, Gala; I was close to tears :)

Just watching and hearing this makes me feel better inside!!!

Try the Good Men Project!

I'm above average but it's hard to do well in a female dominated society. All married men I've seen are their lady's bitch and they admit it and go on with life. I do love women, I just would like a balanced playing field in the work place and in family court. Everyone should just be equal in the workplace but looks and gender play an important role in an employee's success.

there you go with the negativity, ahhh

I agree, and thanks for saying so!

Thanks Gala I'll look for it.

This is such a wonderful video. Thank you, Gala! :)