Ranking Every Mario Kart 8 Track by How Safe It Is

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Mario Kart is dangerous, so I put on my safety inspector hat and ranked every Mario Kart 8 Deluxe track by how safe it is.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Timestamps ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
00:00 Intro
00:30 Mario Kart Stadium
01:18 Water Park
01:55 Sweet Sweet Canyon
02:48 Thwomp Ruins
03:36 Mario Circuit
04:07 Toad Harbor
04:43 Twisted Mansion
05:24 Shy Guy Falls
05:57 Sunshine Airport
06:39 Dolphin Shoals
07:05 Electrodrome
07:47 Mount Wario
08:28 Cloudtop Cruise
09:02 Bone-Dry Dunes
09:38 Bowser's Castle
10:14 Rainbow Road
10:38 Moo Moo Meadows
11:18 Mario Circuit (GBA)
11:44 Cheep Cheep Beach
12:16 Toad's Turnpike
12:43 Dry Dry Desert
13:12 Donut Plains 3
13:37 Royal Raceway
14:10 DK Jungle
14:43 Wario Stadium
15:10 Sherbet Land
15:50 Music Park
16:17 Yoshi Valley
16:59 Tick-Tock Clock
17:24 Piranha Plant Slide
17:50 Grumble Volcano
18:21 Rainbow Road (N64)
18:49 Yoshi Circuit
19:23 Excitebike Arena
19:50 Dragon Driftway
20:12 Mute City
20:43 Wario's Gold Mine
21:08 Rainbow Road (SNES)
21:26 Ice Ice Outpost
21:50 Hyrule Circuit
22:15 Baby Park
22:46 Cheese Land
23:11 Wild Woods
23:37 Animal Crossing
24:00 Neo Bowser City
24:24 Ribbon Road
24:50 Super Bell Subway
25:14 Big Blue
25:41 Results/Outro
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Hi there! I'm j0rts, and I like to explore mostly pointless things in video games while playing them in weird, unconventional ways.
Despite my name, this channel has nothing to do with jorts. In fact, I've never even worn a pair of jorts in my life. I just find the word fun to say... j o r t s.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to check out my channel. If you'd like to hang out with me live, be sure to visit my Twitch channel over at / j0rts
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Опубликовано:

10 май 2024

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Комментарии : 830

@j0rts 7 месяцев назад

Stay safe out there

@LinkTheOnePieceFan 7 месяцев назад

I will mr Jean shorts 🫡

@JallWAYSwins 7 месяцев назад

Yeat

@JCPplays 7 месяцев назад

I can't 😔

@Dr.jerk1357 7 месяцев назад

And always use smart steering

@Kakkemans 7 месяцев назад

Roblox hacker story end be like:

@HarleyMaebry 7 месяцев назад

Definitely gonna need Safety Inspector j0rts’s Safety Ratings on the DLC tracks before I invest my money into something potentially dangerous.

@crazyh 7 месяцев назад

Underrated comment

@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth 7 месяцев назад

Excellent point. If you play Super Smash Bros, I recommend watching the video that goes over each stage's OSHA violations, so you can be certain you only fight in absolute safety.

@titouanv4532 7 месяцев назад

But he did them

@V00doo1Xim 7 месяцев назад

@@titouanv4532link to video?

@TotalDramaHarold 7 месяцев назад

@@titouanv4532I think they meant the booster ones

@thatguyhanzo3468 7 месяцев назад

I must say thwomp ruins got rated VERY high for a track with no guard rails, jumps, rolling boulders, and, well, thwomps

@shannonhartfield2100 7 месяцев назад

The Thwomps paid for a higher score.

@djroscurro9859 6 месяцев назад

@@shannonhartfield2100they did pave all the roads after all

@adora_was_taken 5 месяцев назад

@@djroscurro9859 the kart-industrial complex is insidious. it goes all the way to the very top.

@paulstock260 5 месяцев назад

⁠⁠@@djroscurro9859I thought Whomps were the ones that paved the roads, not Thwomps?

@djroscurro9859 5 месяцев назад

@@paulstock260 True, but they're usually close to each other. They share a brotherhood. Hell, Thwomps reside in Whomps fortress alongside the Whomps.

@pedroleitevik5523 7 месяцев назад

To be fair, with 1up mushrooms and necromancy, the mushroom kingdom most likely have incredible healthcare wich is most likely why they seem to ignore any and all safety precautions

@MatthewConnellan-xc3oj 7 месяцев назад

Yeah, when your healthcare is that good, at that point, safety is just a waste of resources

@johnrickard8512 7 месяцев назад

1-up mushrooms ARE necromancy...but they are damn good at it. Hyrule also has these things called Fairies which are just as good.

@yohhh6715 7 месяцев назад

@@johnrickard8512Doesn't the fairy die? I don't remember any shopkeepers selling any fairies and you often catch them yourself so i guess it has to be taboo

@johnrickard8512 7 месяцев назад

@@yohhh6715 it isn't that they die but that they are often in places that a mere NPC may have trouble getting to.

@elvingearmasterirma7241 7 месяцев назад

@@yohhh6715 What? No!! The fairy just flies away after healing you up! which i mean considering you stuff em into a jar beforehand is super duper nice of em But yea. No fairies die. Theyre just difficult to get your hands on because they often are in monster infested areas or just hard to reach areas

@rybot7182 7 месяцев назад

"Drome" was originally an ancient Greek word, 'dromos,' meaning 'course.' It gained notoriety through the Greek hippodromos, chariot racing arenas where brave Disney characters would fight to the death in the gaaaaaames as Danny Devito coached them from the sidelines. The French later stole the word and cut off the last few letters as they're wont to do, resulting in 'drome,' and continued the racecourse tradition with Formula Une. Danny Devito's love of various methods of transportation would later result in variations such as the motordrome and aerodrome. The widespread adoption of electricity would eventually lead to famed inventor Deadmoufive creating electronic music, whose pairing with Japanese go-kart enthusiasts and esteemed Mario villain Doug Bowser culminated in the creation of the Electrodrome: a musically imbued go-kart race track.

@j0rts 7 месяцев назад

Wow thank you, I feel so much wiser now

@MisterNohbdy 7 месяцев назад

this incomprehensible mesh of information and nonsense truly captures the zeitgeist of our time

@LotoTheHero 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for the insight!

@OliverSchlecter 7 месяцев назад

@@MisterNohbdyperchance

@danielgoldberg8214 7 месяцев назад

You did not have to go this damn hard with your comment

@gameplayboy5686 7 месяцев назад

Now I want to see a mod where every track is made safer based on this

@DanielHarveyDyer 7 месяцев назад

Let's get them all up to FIA grade one, and the complain about track limits for 90 minutes every Sunday!

@CheesyLizzy 6 месяцев назад

I like this idea 😆 First off, we gotta add safety rails everywhere we can

@IShy2 6 месяцев назад

I'd call the mod "easy tracks"

@atsukana1704 5 месяцев назад

Just imagine all the good tracks but more boring

@JonathanWalcott 5 месяцев назад

@@atsukana1704 i got an idea we make it so there is no ramps or boosts

@rurintoge7425 7 месяцев назад

This video made me realise I never quite took the time to just... look at the tracks. Missed so many details before! Granted, it IS safest to keep your eyes on the road while driving...

@jonahdunch4056 7 месяцев назад

Would recommend Any Austin for this kind of content - he has a video just exploring "odd and unremarkable" places in Mariokart Wii, and it revealed a lot of the beautifully rough edges in that game

@geaux13saints56 6 месяцев назад

Literally, I’ve never seen those bats on yoshi valley or that construction sign on grumble volcano

@PenelopeStoneVT 7 месяцев назад

How did Thwomp's Ruins get that high a score after almost dying several times? lol

@taida8511 7 месяцев назад

The very reason why I went to look at the comments. Especially right after Sweet Sweet Canyon got a lot less points, despite Thwomp Ruins having all the things that made SSC dangerous, and in addition to that, it's own dangers too. I'm starting to doubt how safe it is to have someone like j0rts judge the safety of tracks...

@nikk-named 7 месяцев назад

It took me to Toad Harbor to realise that it wasn't a rating of how dangerous the track is, but how safe it is. Now everything makes a lot more sense.

@axisred2301 7 месяцев назад

Baby Park danger level: 9.9/10

@HVY526 Месяц назад

@@axisred2301 XDD

@haroeneissa790 7 месяцев назад

I love how Sunshine airport implies that the mushroom Kingdom is absolutely massive and not just some small country with a few villages like most people imagine it. Bone dry dunes is an almost 6 hour flight. That is similair to the amount of time it takes to fly from Amsterdam to Dubai in the real world. But somehow the metro connects all those places which means that the metro stations must be incredibly far apart.

@MisterNohbdy 7 месяцев назад

but everybody in the Mushroom Kingdom uses zeppelin-style airships, so a 6-hour flight by one of those is probably like a 30-minute plane trip

@haroeneissa790 7 месяцев назад

@@MisterNohbdy the planes at Sunshine airport seem to be regular planes.

@Dexuz 5 месяцев назад

Which is kind of bullshit as the continent where the Mushroom Kingdom exists is quite small, as you can see on Mario Odyssey's globe.

@haroeneissa790 5 месяцев назад

@@Dexuz Maybe the planet is much bigger than earth. We don't get anything as a reference for scale and we don't know how long it takes for mario to travel between the Kingdoms.

@Dexuz 5 месяцев назад

@@haroeneissa790 That's a possibility although the planet would have to be very big, and big rocky planets cannot exist as they would collapse into gaseous planets.

@faceofmanpng 7 месяцев назад

To confirm, Wario's last name is, not surprisingly... Wario. Just like Mario (he uses his own name, and Luigi also uses Mario, hence Mario Bros.)

@BlahajOfficaI 7 месяцев назад

What about waluigi

@Ryann9 7 месяцев назад

⁠@@BlahajOfficaII would assume that waluigi is a brother of wario, which would mean his last name is wario.

@JohnnyBensons 7 месяцев назад

"Hi, my name is Luigi Mario" Not that I think about it, it kinda makes sense that he's called the green mario

@OmegaGlops 7 месяцев назад

@@Ryann9Waluigi has been confirmed to not be Wario's brother on multiple occasions; the Mario & Sonic series has made a habit of explicitly stating that in multiple games. Shugo Takahashi has also stated that they're not even blood related. Waluigi is just... some dude with no relation to Wario that happens to share a lot of uncanny characteristics!

@eggysthings6600 7 месяцев назад

@@OmegaGlopsthey're best friends!

@techoeastveld 7 месяцев назад

The fact he uses a real Mercedes car colab vehicle to test these tracks, really shows his dedication to keeping us safe!

@TheRealestSpeedster 7 месяцев назад

jorts never fails to do the thing where you do the thing to find out how to do the thing

@j0rts 7 месяцев назад

That’s a great description of my channel

@Bulblorb 7 месяцев назад

Facts

@linkfan0542 7 месяцев назад

*j0rts

@LocalGhostSoru 7 месяцев назад

I appreciate that the antigravity isn't counted as danger, as it's safe enough to stop upside down without any problem

@sinteleon 7 месяцев назад

As long as there are proper guardrails keeping you on the anti-grav.

@StarshadowMelody 7 месяцев назад

"Bowser's castle has a _Lot Of Work To Do._ 2.1 out of 10." Bowser: "Yup, gotta get that 0.5."

@bruh_dah_ 7 месяцев назад

I remember in Mario Kart 7 when i was a kid i use to hold my breath when i enter any underwater sections for as long as i lasted racing there, Wario's Shipyard was a killer for me

@the-inatorinator 7 месяцев назад

Yes I want to see this for the DLC, it was hilarious. The concept is already funny, but what put it over the edge was your role as the safety inspector instead of a random youtuber talking about safety

@ethancheng6734 7 месяцев назад

On Toad’s Turnpike there are signs that say “no limits”. Very safe indeed.

@haroeneissa790 7 месяцев назад

Toad might be a german.

@javagirl98 7 месяцев назад

This is the most anyone has ever used the “reverse” button in this game.

@angelogaray8019 2 месяца назад

Me on 200cc:

@pvzfanboy2002 6 месяцев назад

I love the idea of this random real life safety inspector being called in to professionally analyze the safety of fictitious and out there worlds. And him fully taking it as professionally as possible

@amesstarline5482 7 месяцев назад

The helmeted look of Miis really sells the Safety Inspector vibes, that and being in a realistic car.

@CK_123 7 месяцев назад

You know, I had no idea that slowly running into hazards didn’t actually stun you, neat

@tiannaroberts6153 7 месяцев назад

I disagree with giving water park a lower score due to you not being able to breathe underwater. This park was obviously made for a different sort of creature with different needs, saying that their park is bad because it has alot of places for fish-pigs to breathe is biased. If you are going off this standard, then Mario Kart Stadium should get a much lower score because it doesn't have anywhere for fish-pigs to breathe and is extremely hazardous to them. Especially when you consider the Water Park was ruled more dangerous than Thwomp Ruins which has multiple things in it that could crush and instantly kill you.

@Jeetaruey 7 месяцев назад

There is actually 4 Animal Crossing tracks. There is one for each season and you only inspected the summer one. Which one you get is randomly generated, so you will have to try a few times to get the rest.

@TheManofBrisk 26 дней назад

Actually while you're selecting Animal Crossing, you can hold down R, L, ZR, or ZL to choose which season you want to race in. Each button corresponds to a different season, I don't remember which one is what.

@alyssalong7913 7 месяцев назад

Please do more once wave 6 is out! This was so fun to watch!

@eusier9403 7 месяцев назад

This is like how fast can you touch death but Mario Kart version

@commander-fox-q7573 Месяц назад

19:32 has gotta be one of the best lines I’ve heard in a while. Nice to see so many safety enthusiasts out there!

@Pumpernikkle 7 месяцев назад

Im starting think your safety officer certification isn’t legitimate…..

@LotoTheHero 7 месяцев назад

No way! Seems totally legit!

@AnonymOus-ss9jj 3 месяца назад

In the Mushroom Kingdom you don't need certification.

@TheManofBrisk 26 дней назад

@@LotoTheHeroDude said a desert track with a quicksand pit and giant spiky caterpillars is safer than a country road with a mole problem. The inconsistency in the rating criteria actually bothers me.

@PhoenixAce64 7 месяцев назад

When jorts uploads you know it’s gonna be a good time.

@proudsmog2 7 месяцев назад

Great*

@Kakkemans 7 месяцев назад

Awsome*

@gerald2508 7 месяцев назад

*Monumental.

@thedreadpirateblacktooth5551 5 месяцев назад

*Stupendous

@everest5718 6 месяцев назад

Extra note with every underwater track: In this game you can play as Inklings! Who are well known to be unable to swim or be submerged in water >:( this means they are even less safe as any unsuspecting inkling could be splatted!!

@Drizzilenotreal 20 дней назад

actually, if we assume this isnt salt water, theyre fine!

@alansmithee419 7 месяцев назад

1:40 You forgot the fact that if you drive into water at high speed it's almost like driving into concrete. The deceleration on impact will be immensely unsafe. Also if you're in a vehicle with just your head poking above the body of the car the car's gonna wanna keep going and your head aint. Whiplash go brbrrrr.

@TheRandom000 7 месяцев назад

My man rated an amusement park 4 points higher than just a normal town

@therawkhawk64 7 месяцев назад

I loved this one. A j0rts video never fails to entertain. In addition to the DLC for Mario Kart 8 DX, I'd love to see you give the bois over at CTR a safety check.

@MasterLagoz 7 месяцев назад

This is what they mean with the saying "cutting corners," so many corners without safety railings just to save on money!

@ericrautio7451 7 месяцев назад

I'd say most of the antigravity sections, particularly the ones that go fully sideways or upside down, would DEFINITELY count against the safety rating since there's no obvious safety precautions in place for if the mechanism causing the antigravity effect malfunctions

@AnonymOus-ss9jj 3 месяца назад

I don't think he's there to rate the safety of the anti-gravity, and probably assumes that somebody else will do it. (Nobody will.)

@mattm7220 7 месяцев назад

Wait... *THAT'S* how to get up to that ledge in Bone Dry Dunes!? By purposely running into the *obvious stage hazard* that in any other course would destroy you instantly? 🤯

@reaganlpeterson 7 месяцев назад

In NeoBowser City, it is always raining, which decreases friction and makes guardrails even more important.

@boshman11 7 месяцев назад

How did Thwomp ruins end up with that high a score with crushing boulders, edges that lead to a free fall, a jump into a possible underwater segment and one jump down a giant flight of stairs across a chasm? I was pretty surprised to see it fare better than Waterpark

@TheWeirdcoreMan 7 месяцев назад

Such a generous lad, risking his own life to keep us safe. Definitely much appreciated 🗿

@3possumsinatrenchcoat 7 месяцев назад

important question: how quickly can you become cool in every Mario Game? (touch ice)

@cyberknightgaming2094 7 месяцев назад

your "how fast can you _________ in every __________ game?" series is what made you take off and i like that but IMO these kinds of vids are better

@spicybeantofu 7 месяцев назад

Same feeling

@BobTheAnimeDude 7 месяцев назад

I never noticed how demonic the snowman on sherbet land looks lmao

@arthurlaurencon1697 7 месяцев назад

Jeez this is exactly the type of content I crave. Not a Nintendo game but I'd love to see someone rank the Dark Souls 1 bonfires by how comfy they are.

@Kesune5 7 месяцев назад

That was fun and an interesting view through the tracks. Please do it with the DLC courses as well. =)

@spicybeantofu 7 месяцев назад

Gotta wait for them all first

@adora_was_taken 5 месяцев назад

@@spicybeantofu they are here. i expect to hear some words about wii rainbow road.

@notshockwavedemon7543 7 месяцев назад

Rainbow Road being the most dangerous track is what I expected. Good

@ShinyMew76 7 месяцев назад

I definitely want to see this for the DLC tracks! I loved this video!

@HmmmmmLemmeThinkNo 7 месяцев назад

I loved this!! I also love that first and last were predictable, but nothing else was c:

@yoshidababies4222 2 месяца назад

Never noticed the subway map or airport departures screen! Thank you for helping me see new details!

@DaShikuXI 7 месяцев назад

I appreciate how you managed to make a character that does in fact just scream safety inspector.

@semaJCh 7 месяцев назад

This knowledge will keep me much more secure 🚗

@Sly88Frye 7 месяцев назад

Okay wow! Now I wish you would just do this for all the Mario Kart games because this actually is a surprisingly brilliant and funny idea. It was a lot of fun to watch and listen to your commentary

@DanielSanGMR 7 месяцев назад

Return of the King

@bingusbongus9807 7 месяцев назад

you failed to account for the employed lakatus that save you from any falling hazards, still more dangerous then railings(although since this removes the possibility for a crash into the railings it could be safer) since the lakatus could fail it is still a great attempt to reduce the hazards of these unsafe environments and should have been considered

@just_ur_local_idiot 7 месяцев назад

I love how Mario kart puts ur character's life in danger, it adds to the thrill!

@doodlebug47 7 месяцев назад

"Looks like we got a classic case of THERE'S LAVA EVERYWHERE."

@MudrasofEarth 7 месяцев назад

Bro i love you :') the thumbnail already killed me

@XPGrindDeathking 7 месяцев назад

Definitely need to see the DLC tracks getting an inspection, good stuff!

@izzyme989 7 месяцев назад

This video was truly amazing. I laughed, I cried, and, surprisingly, I felt safe. I am ready to go on only the safest tracks going a safe, manageable speed.

@QMADDEN 7 месяцев назад

You should do how safe are the smash bros levels

@Goatman_Gamer 6 месяцев назад

A drome is a place for running or racing. And agreed, I thought it was electro dome at first too.

@MichaelTaylor-qp2xf 7 месяцев назад

Yes, please make one of these videos for all of the DLC tracks!

@RainShinotsu 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for the inspection, but I'm gonna need a breakdown on these scores. Some of them felt way underrated

@TheBreadPirate 7 месяцев назад

SMH... Road workers have no respect for safety these days.

@billbobs678 7 месяцев назад

True

@bob171 7 месяцев назад

SNES Mario Circuit 3 would probably get a 10/10. There is pretty much no danger besides the 1 optional speed boost near the end of the track

@RedSpade37 7 месяцев назад

Neat idea! I love videos like this. I still remember the cows...

@ragnell27 7 месяцев назад

J0rts is always asking the important questions.

@juniemarin 7 месяцев назад

I love your narration 💖

@louie.kazooie 7 месяцев назад

yesss pls do a part 2! :)

@eclipsicalbluestocking1182 2 месяца назад

There's something really cute and wholesome about that safety inspector Mii and his slow driving

@dscrib2492 7 месяцев назад

finally, the safety inspector showed up. we've been waiting for you for a decade!

@llamamations954 7 месяцев назад

You gotta do the DLC now!

@ninjaydes 7 месяцев назад

As someone who enjoys Mario Kart, I think sharp corners are the worst safety infraction... but this video and its literal sense safety standards brought a smile to my face. Thank you.

@DesignFrameCaseStudies 7 месяцев назад

If Nintendo doesn't take these safety concerns seriously in the next packs, I'll be taking them to court.... I like your tone of voice here and Water Park had me rolling with fish pigs lol. I know this requires more work but maybe consider establishing a ranking system that you can deduct points off of in its categories. Great work inspector!

@anketeichmann1826 7 месяцев назад

Awesome video ❤

@INTScar 7 месяцев назад

after wave 6 comes out can you do one of these for the dlc tracks? oh im edititing this after finishing and you said this at the end lol

@AceJackWagon885 7 месяцев назад

I thought this was gonna be a ranking video based on how dangerous the tracks are in MARIOKART, not REAL LIFE.

@6SamChat9 6 месяцев назад

This is hilarious and entertaining, And I would love to see a sequel for the DLC

@weegeemanxd2591 7 месяцев назад

I would like to see a Mario Party version of this- Like Boards rated by happening spaces & themes or just the mini games.

@thechaineofdeadpool 7 месяцев назад

So, I would love to see a video like this for the DLC tracks but, also, why not doing this for other entries on the series (tho, the ones from "DS" onwards because I don't think there would be a lot to say about the first games, safety-wise)? The concept is very funny and it would be very great to see more of it!

@Dovah_Slayer 7 месяцев назад

This video showed me the exact moment the headlights turn on i love small details also fun fact: TMNT uses the suffix Drome (ie the technodrome) wrong as it denotes a place for running or racing

@comehaveabageltv 7 месяцев назад

I want the checklist on some of these deductions. Toad's Turnpike got hosed on the safety rating.

@radiospd 6 месяцев назад

i love watching some guy rank mario kart tracks on how safe they are at 4 am 💪💪💪💪

@delushikong9797 7 месяцев назад

Yes, more please! I hope there are more NDS tracks

@DarkWizardFoxo 3 месяца назад

i mean id absolutely love to see a part two with all the dlc tracks please mr jorts

@Moxieron 7 месяцев назад

Please do this for the dlc. Great video overall and quite hillatious.

@garettturbettmusic 7 месяцев назад

We gotta see the DLC courses! I gotta stay safe!

@johnrickard8512 7 месяцев назад

Lol it is always fun to see courses ranked in a manner they were never meant to be ranked in For the record, I definitely want the DLC courses as well.

@UnholyBasil 7 месяцев назад

I love that there are times when you sound very similar to Chris McClaine. Keep up the good work

@juliam6489 7 месяцев назад

Sunshine airport was my favorite for 8 yrs and I never noticed the flights were courses

@KingLaZrButBad 7 месяцев назад

for alot of the long falls, you should probably account for the safety of the race itself, since every time you fall a lakitu catches you right before you could get hurt and takes you back on the track safely

@CheesyLizzy 6 месяцев назад

This was a really fun video to watch, thanks for making it, I really like your sense of humor ^^ This feels like if Elliot from Milo Murphy's Law reviewed Mario Kart

@aquawrld 7 месяцев назад

I’ve never thought about how unsafe Mario kart tracks are, I’ll remember this next time I get on Mario kart!

@tromedlovdrolmai 7 месяцев назад

I'd love to see the dlc tracks safety ranked, is also like to see each other season of Animal Crossing ranked, as each season does have some track differences

@mathybrain8 7 месяцев назад

According to the giant soda bottles in the 'sea,' the yellow-orange liquid on Sweet Sweet Canyon is Princess Orange brand orange soda.

@jaromschafer913 7 месяцев назад

Yes do the dlc courses i would love to see how the compare to the Main courses

@LotoTheHero 7 месяцев назад

I really appreciate your attention to safety. I hope you've spoken to the Mario Kart officials so that they can be made aware of these oversights and have them looked into.