I watch them when I think I need a reminder of their tactics because it’s easy to be side swiped by them. I have too many in my life to not be on my guard and I was wondering about if it was doing damage. Because of the life long abuse it’s made it incredibly difficult to achieve closeness and friends.
I just go back to certain ones for a quick recap Last topic i searched was what is their weaknesses Now i strike em blow after blow covertly Only when the narc tries it again Which they will ofcourse
Things I've learned from Richard and Sam Vaknin: 1. Narcissism is a trauma-based condition 2. You cannot help them, one can only help oneself 3. The opposite of narcissist is not "empath" 4. Projective Identification is an interactive phenomenon 5. You can identify a toxic relationship without having to diagnose a personality disorder 6. Listening to music is much more therapeutic than watching narcissism content
@@reallythere I can relate to that, and went through a similar stage myself. Hyper-vigilance and the inability to relax and let your guard down. Caused by unrelenting threat, stress and trauma I think. Are you able to sleep?
@@Jen.K I can sleep, I need to be familiar with all the ambient noise of my home. I wake up to any anormalities. I don't sleep very deeply. It's caused me to be low energy, gain weight, won't exercise and can't concentrate etc
Yes. I did not understand what happened to me. And so I started watching your videos. It made sense, I got it, and I started to forgive myself that I had something like that happen to me. That I let it happen. I am thankful for your videos because I could not have understood it on my own. I don’t need your help any lpnger but I mean it in the best possible way. I can take it for here. But thank you.. so much.
This. It became like an obsession because I was so traumatized I was terrified of going through some things again. I’m feeling better now thank God and I’m learning and honestly it’s helped me to try and not look at as much as I was to help get some things out of my head too ❤
I came from the future to inform Richard is still making money by making content to the "hugging box machine". Sometimes Richard incorporates people he admires and it ends up being those hypocritical videos in which he is the smart one "out of the matrix" and we are a bunch of masturbating weaklings.
I grew up with a narc mom and alcoholic dad. 1st boyfriend for 4 years was a narc , and ex husband was a narc. 61 yrs old and dealing with 82 yr old mom and narc sister. If it wasnt for theses videos I never would have known what the crazy I've been trying to escape all my life was. It takes awhile to deprogran someone after all these years. I keep falling back into narc moms web. I use these videos to remind me what this confusing crazy is all about. They help me to regain my strength and get back up again.
You can't be everything to everyone. I love your style and the subtleties and your humour. You have helped me immensely. If people don't resonate with your style they'll find someone else who they resonate with. Thanks Richard xxx
I'm an average person who found herself smack dab in an abusive, horrifying, relationship. In an effort to make sense of it I watched videos about NPD. I was not capable of seeing anything negative about myself at that time, and if I'd come across a video like this one, would have rejected it. It took several months of watching various videos for me to grow strong enough to see and accept that some of those horrifying traits reflected not only my abuser, but myself. Those videos are needed. But, only as a doorway to self discovery. They are simply the first layer. Much like baby food. At that time I couldn't have in any shape or form handled the nice big juicy steak of the real truth. So, I can say I am grateful for both kinds, and would really appreciate more videos that focus on the next step. Healing. Easy to understand, DETAILED, lol, steps we can take right out of a toxic situation. Ways we can successfully interact with others as we BEGIN to heal and learn new coping skills so as to keep collateral damage to a minimum.
I completely get that. Pureed steak, on a teaspoon would have been too much. For the first few years after I escaped my x, I never asked myself why I put up with it. I wasn't ready. I had to understand what had happened first before I could ask myself why I put up with what happened. ROme was not built in a day.
Yes, perfectly said! The real healing (at least for me) has been uncomfortable at times, but seeing our own past patterns gives us the opportunity to decide our future. After the initial unease of self-examination, the real work begins, and it’s empowering.
Yes!!!! Bingo! I’ve watched 100’s of hours of narcissist videos! I’ve taken notes! Saved the good ones to rewatch if needed! Bought the courses. I’ve done this off and on for 5 long years. Learning has been almost like an obsession. Recently however, I’ve had a recurring thought that my time would be better spent actually LIVING! Time to forget about the narcissistic idiot and live my life! This is so affirming. 🙌
Making the choice to stop searching for and getting caught up in this subject is one of the best decisions a person can make after coming to terms with what happened. Deciding when to put things down and really be brave enough to move on without looking over your shoulder is freeing. I saw this video after deciding to unsubscribe since I haven’t watched your videos in months. And in those months I have really been healed. Obsessively looking at these videos can be used as a way to keep people stuck emotionally so that they don’t have to feel the vulnerability of truly being confident and moving on. If you’re reading this and you’ve read and watched for months on end with learning nothing new, this is your sign to start putting this stuff down and get yourself unstuck.
I think many people and children have been abused unknowingly and therefore some education on the subject is very helpful. However not getting stuck in it is important
@@canecorsomom2023 I totally get that but as hard as I try the ex and my parents are after me through court (another playground of control even though I went no contact) they use my kids against me and constantly put a spanner in the works with divorce. I’d love to find a solution as I left for a reason but still tied up in it. Peace is what I want. I pray even though I don’t know who or what god is as no one is coming to the rescue as emotional abuse goes unnoticed by most unless you are the target. Any solutions I’d love to hear as there aren’t too many people lawyers included that have a clue
But why has there been so little progress, so little attempt to share educate and help family scapegoat children everywhere? Nobody not even the hog box cares about family scapegoat in their own street... It’s a failure A failed attempt A failed sick loop
@@canecorsomom2023 hi yes I have watched her. She is quite useful and everything she says resonates. I don’t have the money to sign up to a lot of these things so just listen to the free content. Thank you for the heads up x
@@canecorsomom2023 & Grace Kelly - I think who we associate with and run into at the grocery store is important as well. If we continue to have exchanges with them they will get more manipulative and needy if they see you're pulling away or attempting to succeed at something. I had to go NO CONTACT - I can't keep myself positive and up and in control of my life with my mother and brothers in it. Its to abusive and mentally and emotionally harsh and based on alot of my mother's lies. My Narc is my Mom & she needed to make me fell less than all my life. I had a lot of successes but as I got older she literally found ways to pull the rug out from under my feet especially with my brothers.- I'm so tired of that shit after 5 decades. Its time for me to live and dream and forget people who suck the life force out of us. So I believe we are most focused on it when around it because it continues to poke at our good sense and we continue to take it. Its much easier to get healthy removing manyparties or greatly limiting and setting boundaries - - - but there will be kick back with that - so be prepared.
@@Richard-vq7ud In all honestly I'm terrified that somebody would come to a revelation over a thought like "There are things in life that your phone and internet won't ever give you ". It's an 11 out of 10 on the "duh" scale. All I have to do is go for a walk outside and realize how small this whole "narcissism hug box" really is. I'm even sick of Sam Vaknin now ... I dunno.
@@cloudsephiroth1222 I hear ya. This whole world has gone crazy. I am so tired of sitting for hours at work meetings listening to all the important people talk and disect the most obvious points for hours. It is fascinating that someone was impressed by what seems to me as ridiculous.
Yeah. And: " There are things on the internet that in real life no one EVER gave me." Like pointing to and education in narcissism, codependency/CPTSD, so I now finally understand interactions between narcissists and me. I've changed from ignorant, confused prey to someone seeing options to not behave like prey anymore.
The clock is ticking, I’m not getting any younger. It’s time for me to move on and put this crap behind me, learn my lessons, and live my life better now that I know better!!!!!❤️
I legit laughed out loud when I saw the title of this video. I knew I had to stop. It was difficult though. My RU-vid feed was all "narcissist this and narcissist that" and I was embarrassed to open up the app in public. Thanks for this video Mr. Grannon. Shadow work is a disgustingly painful process and I hate the idea that I've many narcissist tendencies. But you're body of work is helping me move forward one centimeter at a time.
Why is it disgustingly painful.?I feel for you. I hope you are seeing a professional, or at least support away from the internet. Do you have PTSD or has the abuse and researching the subject led you to believe you have many of these tendencies. The part I agreed on with Richard, is that it is healthy to have narcissistic traits. But yeah, if they are out weighing, then work on them, with this trendy 'shadow work'(it's as old as time). I say new because it used to be referred to as being self aware, all the shitty bits included! Don't like lots of questions but since 2021, it's all see through, worryingly.
Thank you for the comment, because I was at a train stop and just like you I felt completely embarrassing all these narcissism videos on my damn RU-vid feed. I don't think the binge watching it was a waste of time. It got me out to bad relationships. Or bad friendship and a bad romantic relationship. That being said, two months of anti NPD rehab is enough for me. It s just like always going liked to the red pill or to certain self-help forms. It becomes an addiction. Then as original as I used to try to be, the next thing it's about, just parroting the same old stuff. You just stay stuck in a way
Going through this now dealing with my gf of 5 months. Nothing but Narcissism crap. Just worn out. Ive negelected things Ive enjoyed for these videos. I saw this video by passing and I think enough it enough.
If I had known that vulnerable narcissism existed, I would have been a LOT more circumspect about entering into relationships. I know it isn’t about me, but as a survivor I don’t believe I have no flaws. I know I have unresolved issues of my own. I had no idea what I was dealing with until the mask came off completely. Yes, my issues played a role, but I didn’t lie, cheat, future fake, triangulate, gaslight, discard at the worst possible time, or take sadistic pleasure in another’s pain. These things are not the same. It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about letting people know that damaged individuals with no empathy exist, and how to heal if they have the misfortune of becoming entangled with one. That being said, I truly hope eventually there will be real treatment for NPD, like there is now for BPD. I take responsibility for my own issues, but I was not to blame for the depths of depravity that were hidden from view. One can’t blame someone who is suffering from NPD as a result of trauma, but you can say that these people cause terrible damage. I have survived many seriously traumatic things, and have always been resilient eventually. The experience with a vulnerable narcissist was incomparable to anything else. I’m concerned there is currently a strong wave of sentiment which appears to be aimed at undermining survivors by attempting to ‘pathologize’ the trauma caused by serious abuse. One can’t wallow and live in victimhood, but when one’s life has genuinely been blown apart systematically to a degree that makes it incredibly difficult to recoup losses of all kinds, it feels like there is an overemphasis on the survivor’s dark side. Maybe some red flags were missed, maybe it’s co-dependency, unhealed wounds, whatever. What it isn’t, is torture inflicted at your weakest by the person closest to you, who finds pleasure in your destruction and continues to wish to see you completely crippled even after you are shattered. What person in their right mind would not want to rise above that and live a worthwhile life? It’s not so easy when you have been deeply traumatised to a degree that makes it difficult to do simple daily tasks when once you ran large projects with ease. Was it a dark side or some form of narcissism on my part that got me into that situation? I don’t believe so. Was my vulnerability linked in some way to my damage? Sure. But who have I truly harmed except myself, mainly through being unawakened? It’s like your tiny boat running into a giant iceberg, and people asking what was wrong with your skills and boat. The iceberg is the cause of the damage. Maybe your boat is the best you could afford, maybe it was impossible to see the iceberg for whatever reason. If you receive life changing injuries as a result, no-one is likely to ask you to examine your own failings to a great degree. But those who know what the warning signs are for icebergs, and how to spot them, ought to warn those who are unaware. Demonizing people with NPD doesn’t take us anywhere. Allowing survivors their own way of venting is a separate issue. It is necessary to do the work to examine why one keeps encountering icebergs, and what underlying issues in one’s boat need repairing. Looking for reasons why survivors are complicit in their abuse, and trying to label that, and their subsequent struggles to recover, as some form of PD is ludicrous and dangerous. Assisting them to navigate their way out of the trauma to find healing, and educating others about the dangers, is important work.
Tania, I definitely relate to what you said. This is really complex stuff, and there is genuine victimization in it. I know I was so oblivious to certain things...I was so bent on seeing the best in people and trying so hard to create harmony. I made myself way too responsible for how things went, which really was it’s own problem. It did contribute to my being in that scenario, but not in any way that was my fault...I was ignorant and also had some issues inside that stuff I was unaware I had, and that made me an easier mark. That’s a thing I take responsibility for learning from and shifting things I think and do so that I’m not in that position again...at no point does that diminish or excuse things another person did maliciously (or even at times in their own brand of ignorance and reactions). It’s a fine line to locate, that place of genuine personal responsibility for growing and learning, whilst holding others accountable. There’s no easy way to package a thing like that, and it’s difficult to put across in a way that doesn’t end up with a true victim feeling blamed for where they are. The best thing I can offer about that from my own experience is to say when I just get clear with myself on knowing where I did contribute to it (not intentionally, by any means) and where the other person was seriously being extremely nasty or harmful (especially in those subtle and hard to spot ways), I can trust myself to know what my experience was and not expect anyone else to fully get or understand it (which no one is obligated to do, although it’s really nice and helpful when that does occur lol). I have to decide for myself what’s what, and that’s difficult. It means asking myself tough questions with compassion, and trying to locate that truth for myself. Not an easy task. And maybe it’s necessary in a way that it is a challenging task. When it comes to consuming videos about pathological behavior patterns, I think that can be incredibly helpful. We have to understand the dynamics in order to sort out what really is our responsibility and what isn’t, and the thing is, most people experiencing that kind of abuse were conditioned to believe it was all their fault, and their responsibility to fix. To adjust that stuff to a healthier place, it’s really necessary to understand what behaviors are playing into that. And I believe there’s a stage in it where owning victim hood is necessary and helpful, for a time, because there’s real truth in it. There should be no shame in owning feeling victimized when that really occurred, and pushing anyone past that too soon won’t help. But there comes a point when being in that section of the journey is no longer helpful, and it’s then time to ask different questions around understanding how what we’ve learned can empower us to make different and better choices than we had the capacity to make before we learned the painful things we learned. If we can take that painful lesson and translate it into empowerment through responsibility for growing in our decision space, owning it a bit lore fully each day, and take that towards living a life we actually like a whole lot more, then we’ve changed the crap into fertilizer for a garden we choose to cultivate, on our own terms. In effect, to me, that means, “yes, I was a victim...but I choose now to not become a victim as much as my learning will allow me to create different experiences using my own choices.” It’s also quite painful when people seem to judge things like why we didn’t see the red flags, or why we didn’t just leave, or how we did enable the situation. The truth is, once we did realize it, we were in a harder place to exit, and when your sense of yourself and your capabilities is being diminished, it becomes very hard to make a choice to just exit because you stop believing you are capable of the things that requires, and there’s usually a serious predicament around power imbalances that makes that harder also (like finances, access to decisions and the information required to make useful decisions, as an example). It’s truly difficult to achieve under those conditions, and never a simple prospect, to put it mildly. And to do it means rebuilding ourselves and our resilience, and digging pretty deep for a strength when we are worn down and fatigued and discouraged. It’s paramount to creating energy and strength out of thin air when you simply do not have it, and that’s a damned hard thing to do. It can be done, but it ain’t easy. So it’s all quite complicated, and nobody has the right to pass judgment on another person’s journey. Nobody but ourselves can understand exactly what we are facing, unless they’ve experienced something very similar. It’s difficult enough to understand our own experiences let alone expect anyone who hasn’t lived them should somehow manage that. And one reason there’s a long period of seeking that kind of understanding, even if it’s just listening to someone else express things in a way that says we aren’t alone and someone out there gets it is so compelling is we (in these relationships) experience a severe lack of validation and understanding; quite the harsh opposite, in fact. So it’s okay to seek that out for a while, and probably positive. But at some point, it’s more useful to wean off that stuff and start having more experiences that have nothing at all to do with these topics, and start living a life that is about what we choose instead of remaining with one foot (or more) stuck in that old dynamic. That takes bravery and some self discipline...and weaning off it is probably often better than just quitting it. But each person needs to find that point in their own way and time, and if it’s a thing people need to do until they work through that, it’s nothing to feel badly about at all. There are legitimate reasons for it. So I’d suggest to anyone that they ought not feel badly about that, and just very gently explore the idea that maybe weaning off it gradually might feel better and is worth considering. Try it and see how it feels.
@Tania Scott yes well said! I’m in the process of recovery from a 10 year marriage with a vulnerable narcissist - I relate to what you say - thank you for your comment.
@@shae809 Well said, and spot on, this mirrors my recovery experience very closely. There is a time for owning our victimization, and for seeking validation, for all the reasons you pointed out. I hope Richard reads your comment.
I gave the narc only one stab at me, one, when I figured it out with the help of a professional I was gone and NEVER looked back. Doormat no...warrior yes
What I am finding is too many people are confusing normal behavior and intermixing it with narcissist behavior... So while someone will get upset about you chatting and flirting with another person on your phone, this person doing the flirting will flip the script to say “see he/she got jealous that I was on my phone and they are a narcissist so clearly this is a narcissistic trait!” No. It is a human trait. It is an understandable trait. Some people are indifferent to that but it’s not abnormal for a different person to feel it is a negativity and the r respond accordingly. I think anyone who decides to talk about narcissism has to keep it at a more shallow surface level and not go so deep into the depths that they lose sight of what is normal vs abnormal, what is natural vs what is narcissistic. A lot of normal healthy people I know can fall under the narc pyramid of traits these days because so many people are watching and reading too much about it because too many people are not separating the natural vs the unnatural.
And the worrying thing is the same accusation could be levelled at the person doing the flirting. So you have two people doing something common in relationships (one pushing a boundary and the other responding negatively) and both (using the logic of “internet narcissism expertise”) can effectively be accused of having NPD. It’s far from helpful.
I agree. These channels are encouraging people to pretend like their family/friends/significant others are supposed to be perfect angels all the time, or--gasp--they're a narcissist! It's ludicrous. We are ALL flawed people. There's going to be bickering. There's going to be a lie or two, a jealous spat or two, in any relationship. But these narc "experts" are encouraging viewers to believe the second your loved one makes a human error, they must be a narcissist or sociopath.
I think it’s gone too far with notmwk behaviours it’s all a money making industry and making humans become more and more isolated from each other and paranoid !!! Being start today see this is a money making industry that they are enjoying promoting
That's why I like your videos. Some of the narcissism channels seem to only teach you about victimhood, rather than encouraging you to also strengthen yourself to face a complex world. Your videos give room for self love and also that tough love kick in the ass to step our game up. It's up to us to face the world as it is -- not as we wish it was.
@@emp9413 Agreed. "Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." I don't want to sit around and be a victim, I want to strengthen myself and be willing to swing my sword if needed. And yah if he moves on there's still plenty of content.
@@emp9413 😂😂 I mean, come on, a nice shiny sword looks good in battle. I will say this -- I agree with his sentiment but I do also think directly after a difficult relationship or event these videos can validate our experiences especially after gaslighting. But at some point we gotta get back in the game and not use the past as an excuse.
US is right! A whole community used to be here to help raise a child build a barn, be good neighbors, help others in person. This is a small part of that picture, as it is all virtual and has glitches still. We evolve together still. 💘
I asked myself why do I watch them and the intuitive answer was to cover up the shame around my own contribution in the relationship dynamic. I went for connection inspite the abuse, I just went for connection regardless, I've been doing that since childhood. Begging for crumbs of love, pleasing and becoming the abuser through defense myself, instead of leaving. Living in lack mentality brings more lack. I'm forever grateful for my analytical mind which is able to use the experience around the abuse to define and heal what attracted me to it and keeping me in even though my heart is in pain. From powerless to powerful in my case (disclosing this makes me feel vulnerable but it might help someone get the idea): - learning about my development trauma and starting healing my disorganized attachment style that came out of it - learning to become my own source and developing stronger bond to God - learning about emotions, how to regulate and how to feel them trough without reacting with stupidity - the hardest: deep inside I probably feel unworthy, at least my life reflects it - least but not last, learning about what love actually is so I can recognize and honor it when I see it No experience is for nothing. I'm actually kinda happy about the people who will probably enter my life after I heal already just my stupid attachment style. Wish me luck:)
I so much resonate with your comment. I wish you luck and please wish me luck also . I’m a survivor of childhood neglect so attachment for me meant repeating the trauma I felt in childhood . X
"This isn't Thundercats. There's no goodies & baddies" is still my favorite line from an earlier video of Richard's that I'd watched at a key moment of first entertaining my own narcissism. It's a tough thing to hear & explore but it unlocked another door that moved me closer to healing. I'm still working toward the Summoning the Self course. I don't need a community, yes, I see the danger in ONLY letting in the like-minded but if I try to talk about this with others, they all have the same reaction of "What are you trying to fix?" "You seem fine, you take this stuff too seriously." I suspect they have CPTSD too but aren't ready to look at that possibility. It's fine, I don't need them to understand (at one time I would have, desperately) but YES it feels good to know people exist who do. I pray for Richard often because I'm just so so so grateful for all his content & delivery. I can't believe how far I've come but I still have a lot of work to do. Happy New Year everyone! And thank you, Richard for truly caring about people more than a "successful" RU-vid channel.
Im 60 years old. 20 years ago I ended a 10 year marriage with a covert narcissist. Your videos help me to understand that tragic part of my life and how not to repeat it. Whatever you decide to do - thank you!
I actually had to stop watching narcissism videos cause it was having a really negative effect on my mental health. Like it's not always productive for me to keep mentally reliving and diagnosing my past relationships. You do learn a victim mentality, you avoid your own accountability for your actions and you take away others peoples humanity to struggle and fuck up as much as you do.
For me, Richard, you were always VERY CLEAR, saying that codependency is like a coin that has two sides and I didn't feel you stroke my ego pointing it ( like oh, my God, so... I am a victim and he is the narcissist!!, oh, thank you, I am not the bad one!!)) . From all your videos I understood I have a responsabilty to work on myself, my wounds, my past, my life dynamics, life path etc... I think you did the best, presenting things like this! You helped me A LOT!! In the beginning I was obsessed with your channel because I felt validated for the first time in my life ( second time when I read Pete Walker's book about CPTSD and realised I wasn't crazy, oh, I wept for days... ). But then I started to do the work, Iearning to stop emotional flashbacks ( from your free!! course) and even I still have things to do, I am much better!! So, I am not ''obssesed'' any more, I am wilingly coming here to watch what you have to say about things because I trust you and you are so witty with words and ideas. Please don't you worry about anything, you did it right!! You were kind, gentle, funny but also honest and proficient!! ( I have two disclaimers here: first, sorry for the bad english, it is not my language and second, more important, when I watched for the first time a video, in 2016 I was almost dying in pain, I don't want to trigger people so I will not describe how bad I was but, here, ''dying'' is not a metaphor. I am saying this only for people to know that no matter how emotionally disregulated I was, I didn't felt for one second that you dismissed or mocked or minimized my pain or, on the opposite, that you put the codependency on a pedestal to make it like a medal of honour!!). This channel is GOLD, Richard!! Thank you!!
YES! Extremely well said! The dying inside resonated with me deeply. There is no other way to describe it. Validation is essential in clearing that fog. Feeling there is something on the other side of all if that torment and pain that eats you whole. Thank you for your eloquent depiction of this experience. While I suppose it was somewhat triggering I believe it was a good thing. Helping to remind me just hiw far I have come. How far we have come😃 and that there are people out there that are also learning to walk again this time on their own two feet in the direction they choose. We can be there to cheer each other on without getting in the way and I think that is a spectacular thing and continues to be helpful as I am still learning how to differentiate the good from the bad. So thank you for the reminder of the direction I need to be heading and why the effort in getting there is essential to avoid returning to that pain. With every bit of heartache there lies a gem of truth. Pick it up. Place it in your crown and hold your head up high. Your true strength lies not in your ability to get thru life, but in your ability to stand tall and excel despite the weight on your shoulders. Knowledge is brought thru success of experience, good or bad it is the most certain way to gain first hand knowledge. Dont ever stop reaching out for those new experiences. No matter what happens its only you who can determine the out come. Live and learn is the path to success and inner happiness. Nothing else can get you there .It all begins within you.
I actually find it's been massively helpful to watch loads of videos about narcissism. Lots of it is irrelevant, but sometimes snippets spark a sudden epiphany, "maybe that's why my dad behaved as he did..." I have traced a lineage of narcissistic /covert narcissistic behaviour back through three generations of my family system. I understand now where these behaviours come from. It all makes sense now. And the more I learn, the more I can be calm, hold on to my emotional state and stop doing the underperforming, poor boundaried, fawning behaviours that held those dynamics in place. And relationships have improved. Family members I thought were toxic and had cut out, I now realise I can handle. They aren't fully toxic, because their behaviour is not pervasive and permanent. I've moved from "I'm a loser and it's all my fault," through the stage of "it's not me, my family are all toxic" and reached the stage of "they're not necessarily all bad, I just need to behave differently and have better boundaries." So don't tell us, Richard, not to watch videos about narcissism! Videos about narcissism have changed my life, and we don't necessarily get stuck in the victim stage. (Only being silly, I know you weren't saying that!)
I stopped watching narcissism videos long time ago but will not stop watching YOUR videos as they are pure intellectual and spiritual pleasure whatever you talk about. Thank you for feeding my spirit, inspiring my mind, making me think and question everything...all over again.
I grew up with a narcissistic mom, who programmed me a curtain way where I developed narcissistic traits, but once you learn that it’s not right, if you do nothing about it then it is your fault, I have learned I did many things subconsciously but now I am aware and I have apologized to many for my bad behaviors even before I was aware. Now that I’m aware I watch these to confirm what I already knew and felt as a confirmation and learn how I don’t want to behave anymore, what’s healthy and what’s not.
I do relate, it can happen to the best of us. Now learning to forgive myself and others like parents etc. to heal. From letting people walk over me and then reversing and being callous to others. Stopping the cycle within myself. It's become a search of understanding and peace with the world.
Snap lisa... I had so much guilt cos of the behaviours I’d learned..,and acted .. I used drink and drugs to give me confidence and that caused mayhem at times especially in relationships.. but yes I’m over it now got rid of all negative emotions after years of being riddled with anxiety even as s kid I was anxious, I grew up in such an anxious environment my mum bless her, she didn’t know better, my dad lived 100 miles away they split when I was a baby.. I could go on but I won’t.. I just though I’d comment as I really relate to your comment and good for you xxx ❤️ HNY
Malignant narcissists always programme a curtain way - whether it’s a veil, or a mask, or a burka or burkini...it’s a mirror to themselves confirming their divinity - any god worth its pillar of salt needs mirroring in this universe
@@Mel-os3ld thank you, I believe none of us knew better, but now that I do I was determined to break the generational curse. We all deserve it. Hugs to you and props for all the work you’ve done and are doing.
@@mattsael8665 I used to ask myself every time I had an reaction to someone, do I have a right to feel this way or am I over reacting from old behaviors. Where is it coming from a good and healthy place.❤️
The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn’t make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what MY response was to that toxicity. I no longer watch narc content now I’ve “diagnosed my life” but am now focusing on the fortress emotional literacy content as I’ve identified for the first time in my 39 year old life that I have the power to change my future. To me this content is invaluable, as a stay at home mum that can’t afford face to face psychotherapy:-) This content is hugely empowering for me. It’s given me hope for agency and sovereignty. I understand why you’ve needed to create this video though. Ownership is gold.
Thank you: "The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn't make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what my response was to that toxicity."
Hi Richard. I would like to mention that long before watching videos on narcissism, I have been broken by narcissistic people for lots of years until I found solace in my Christian faith. I always wanted to know why people behave the way they do so that I sympathize with them especially if their behaviors are due to their brokenness. So these videos gave me lots of insights and knowledge to deal with such individuals. They are very toxic people, but I learned to function on a higher plane and to continue to live up to the expectations of my Christian faith and also, learned to enhance my own life. I understand what you are saying, you are telling the truth. I am just pointing out that for me, however painful it is to listen to these videos, it has been a healing process
This is one of the BEST videos I have seen on RU-vid! Your openness and honesty are a rare quality in this “community”! I am so glad that I decided not to focus on my ex-husband’s personality but instead to travel within myself to deal and heal my own inner traumas so that I could become a healthy person! I am so glad that you made a conscious decision to speak the TRUTH! Thank you!!!
Exactly Rich needs to continue his content to continue to help those that need to see reality of narcissism! I stopped watching when I learned enough but Don’t stop Rich
I’m all for more alchemy videos. I’m ready to move on with you. A narc is a narc. And you’re right. What good does it do to figure out a toxic person? That’s definitely the love puzzle. I think in the new world we do need figure out what we’re gonna do next.
@@oliviarose3513 I don't even consider President Trump vain. Not at all. Generally speaking, we tend to dislike people who are not self-confident and weak. But when we come across one who is very self-confident and in charge (traits we need in a good, strong leader) some confuse that with Narcissism. It was this generally wrong understanding of Narcissism that held me back for years, wasted, suffering years, before I finally turned that stone over (having exhausted so many psychological classifications) and had my "Aha!" moment. It was only then that I experienced my awakening and my many confirmations of things I had observed and suspected and reasoned were true but which all the gaslighting and crazymaking, all the duality, had me blinded and enslaved by. How I would have preferred it were a mere vanity problem!
Everyone goes through this process. So stay calm. The only difference is you made your process public and others don’t. That’s courage. I thought this about narcissism around 3 years ago while watching your videos and others’ and realised it’s his process so kudos to you for helping people and it’s fine man. Don’t beat yourself up about it. A counselling psychology student here. Trust me you have done nothing that another hasn’t. Only difference - you had the courage to show yourself openly to the public and others don’t.
I'm very lonely. I have no friends. I've been in an abusive relationship for the past 9 months. I wouldn't say I'm blameless; I know I have ruined all my relationships and friendships over this past year in a state of substance induced psychosis. I can't really see a way out. Your videos have helped me recognize patterns within my life so I thank you for that.
"He's gaslighting us," hahahaha...Thank you so much for your serious message encased in humor. It's true we can become more self-righteous by watching these videos for too long. Just after abuse, I think it's necessary because we've been blamed for everything that happened in an abusive relationship, but if we swing too far the other way where we see ourselves as blameless for anything, we are in that same narcissistic sandbox without knowing it. It's a slippery slope into victimhood and it's not a place in which we're meant to live. It's a place where we regain our sanity, ditch the shame that has been poured into us and evolve beyond a victim mindset as we grow in understanding - returning to compassion and love with an acceptance of our dark side as being part of our complete humanity.
I think if you come away from these teachings self righteous, then....maybe you were self righteous anyway? Not a bad thing if you are right, but if it's a horrible and snotty attitude that one provides their information or even just carries themselves with, then I think that wants looking at.
Sht not me man. Thats what helped me find out WHY this person I was with for 13 years did what they did. The random flip of persona, the infentile voice, actions etc. 40 years old yet emotionally and mentally stuck at 2 or maybe 10 if I'm lucky. It's morbid to think I've slept with them for 13 years and they're that age...
This is why I have greatly shifted the mindset on my channel. It’s about taking full responsibility. That way we can learn to forgive ourselves and others. “A kingdom divided against itself can not stand.” Self acceptance, especially of our shadow parts is essential.
ECHO CHAMBER! Priceless... 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Have unsubscribed to all videos on narcissism periodically over the years & it’s time to do so again. ‘Examine your own narcissism.’ THAT is such a valuable piece of advice.
I have been in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD since I was 16 (married him at 18 and I’m now 32). Neither of us knew he had BPD when we got married but a few years in, things were looking ugly. We were in an incredibly toxic cycle of drinking and fighting, both overwhelmed with guilt, shame and resentment. I was certainly a big part of the toxicity but three years ago I snapped out of it somehow (perhaps what some call hitting rock bottom). I thought getting accountable, cutting the booze and losing the 120lbs I’d gained since my wedding day would make all the criticisms and constant negative feedback die off (at least over time). Sadly, my positive changes have only magnified the BPD situation. I’m sharing this because as a person currently trying to un-brainwash myself, I find your videos to be extremely helpful. I am a very social person but talking to anyone I’m close to about my relationship feels like beating a dead horse. I don’t watch your vids to fuel a victimy narrative although, I’m sure if I knew about the BPD in my earlier years I would have used that info to rationalize my shitty behavior. I generally watch your videos after my husband has a meltdown/fit of rage/splitting episode to help remind me it’s not all in my head. I’m very empathic and I want to believe there’s a way to help anyone. Because I lean on the side of optimism, I need a reality check at times. I appreciate the time and thought you’ve put in to sharing your knowledge with us. It takes guts to put yourself out there these days and I genuinely admire and respect the few people (like you) that can stay honest, centered and authentic. Thank you 🙏🏻
The biggest lesson I learned after I started to feel like I was part of a victimhood on a hamster wheel. It really is about who we are and why we got involved in this type of relationship, When we have true empowerment we don't care about cluster B's and what they think of us. Then we are free. We are truly growing. It usually is through feeling pain we grow. We then stop watching life on the internet and we start to really go out and live life instead of observing life on the internet, as a substitute, as a distraction, an addiction that becomes a way of avoiding living.
"Narcissist" seems to be the word du jour to describe anyone you have a conflict with or anyone with a personality that clashes with yours. It is simply thrown around far too casually, and there is a big difference between narcissistic behavior (which anyone can exhibit at their worst) and an actual disorder.
I've found you and others have been extremely helpful in my healing. However with that said I have stopped watching these videos sometime ago. I realized it was becoming a detriment to my mental health ruminating over the ex and my childhood. I do know these videos have and will help people to understand and validate. It is up to the end user to be responsible for themselves and what content they consume. Thank you for helping me, best wishes! ❤️
Hi Richard, I first came across your videos about a year ago and thought this bloke makes a lot of sense - don’t stop making them. I also think they help people.
"I don't like what Bob said to me so lets make sure he can never speak again to anyone ever." That's how Narcissists think, they want to cut out our tongues for asking questions or catching them in their lies.
I always ask myself this question all the time, what motivates me to do the things I do and why do I do them? Am I part of the solution or part of the problem? You videos do help me under stand other peoples behaviors and sometimes my own as well. We have to be transparent and accountable as well to ourselves and others. At some point we can accept or change the narrative we are dealing with!
We all interpret the world differently and that will never change. The key is to have the cognitive and emotional intelligence, framed by empathy, compassion and love for humanity, to decide things for yourself.
Thank you Richard. My recovery has taken over 2 years, now entering my third year. It’s time for me to leave all of that behind. I’m ready. I’m still interested in the subject. You’ve helped me a lot. 🤩👍
The change from dependency to freedom and strength begins when we start to experience the power of emotional self-care and realize that one can actually feel totally loved and happy WITHOUT another person, and that it's even more wonderful and than being loved by another person!!! At this point, one can focus on loving and serving others without exhausting oneself.
Dear Content Creator, I watch you silently and constantly to remind myself that there are humans with decent life philosophy, who are able to eloquently communicate their message, even while using swearwords. Will be back for more. Yours truly, a content consumer. Formerly a doormat, discovered the narcissistic control button and, consequently, turned into a 'Flying Carpet'. Cheers for that! Just don't step on me ;)
i like what you said about being a former doormat and now a flying carpet. So my flight on wednesday shouldnt bother me. im moving to mexico and i am so scared. physical symptoms, i hope they go away.
I definitely have narc tendencies. I was definitely married to someone who had narc tendencies. Both of my parents had narc tendencies. I wanted to know how to move forward with my life in the healthiest way possible and bring no intended harm my children. I am in therapy, and so are my children. We are all learning how to set and keep safe boundaries. This format has helped me understand a great deal. I think a lot of folks came here looking for answers to some pretty unexplainable shit, like the discard, gas lighting and how it happened so thoroughly to them. I am optimistic in that most people will gain the knowledge heal and move forward with their lives.
The longer I live the more I see narcissists in every family, every government, every school, every marriage, every church. But now I can identify and make better decisions and that is all because of the content you shared. Thank you
Damn. Busted. I saw this video and avoided the gnawing feeling I needed to watch it. Now, RU-vid and I are now going to have to go no contact. I’ve been wasting precious life again swimming in the Soothing pool of poor me Narc victimhood. Time to start living a life of contribution, responsibility and acceptance. Thanks So much Richard Grannon. Happy New Year! 💕🌈
The narc videos have been helpful in identifying what was actually happening. The process of knowing what happens should lead to knowing how to prevent it, which includes working on the issues within you that allowed you to participate in such an unhealthy relationship. WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. There is always a ying and a yang. Heal yourself from being unhealthy and being in unhealthy situations.
Thanks for this. I know I've been spinning my wheels doing "research" and finding those "aha!" moments where I've identified past behaviours of myself and others that were detrimental to my mental and emotional health but this comment and video has just kicked me over to the other side of the fence where I now have to start doing the actual work and living my own truth. It's time to stop the blame game and victimhood bullshit.
who else thinks Richard genuinely worries too much about how others perceive his words of wisdom? it's so beyond your control. you genuinely do your best with bringing facts to the table and people will take it any way they wish to in that moment. I've spent 1 and a half year watching narcissist videos (not just Richard's but others). I desperately needed to understand what happened and all those videos, they really all helped. they were there when I needed them and they were perfectly structured. until I realized that I kinda don't need the new videos anymore. there comes a time when you will stop entertaining this idea of constantly feeding yourself with the same information. Narcissists aren't half as interesting as they convinced us that they are and these videos actually helped me realize that. the interest fades, you heal, you move on, period. so Richard, don't feel bad for producing such content over the years. I can see you're so much different from other 'coaches' because your videos aren't the clickbatey get-revenge-on-a-narcissist-who-is-a-devil type. your approach is different, you rarely ever repeat yourself, you don't quote the bible, you don't fuel victim hood mentality. you've helped a lot of people think logically, not just emotionally. I was literally awakened by just watching only 3-4 videos of yours for the first time, it was like peeling a new layer of awareness. I think a lot of us have genuinely moved on, we're just here to support your channel and you should feel free to take any direction you please with this channel. you could choose to never again create any narcissist content or you could from now on only do every video that follows the topic of Narcissism - and we'd still support you. sending love, Happy New Year ✨
This is something I wrote in my journal. I figured I'd share. "We collectively look at emotion like it's childish, effeminate and weak and it causes us to stunt our emotional intelligence because we look at our emotion like some kind antithesis of thought. And by doing this we don't develop the capacity to measure the damage we've caused in others. In wanting to save our own pain we disown ourselves and never properly form the capacity to apologize to people we have clearly hurt. I'm no saint either. When I found out my ex cheated on me days after telling me she wanted children with my eyes. It was as if someone poured salt on snails as well a my wounds. Instead of getting the well deserved sleep I needed. I'd clutch to my phone and listen to every and any video on narcissism and it left me feeling like I was having a brush against death but also kept me alive ..because here's something weird but true. When you love and miss someone whose both good and bad for you. It's easier to ride on emotions of self-righteous indignation and outrage because the emotion of anger provides a kind of good feeling. You know your ex is Hitler who engages in "Narcissistic Supply" or "Narcissistic Disposal" and hearing these words is like rushing opioids into your bones and tingling a warmth into your being. It alleys the sadness with good feelings but it's also a lie. A lie in the form of self-righteous blunder made to help you feel morally superior as you both distancing yourself and embed feelings of numbess into your being because the truth is you still fucking love this person and they're good and bad and hurting and so are you..." *edit fixed typo
Yes it’s a way of masking pain and disavowing our most “vulnerable” emotions and running from a simple truth: we were in love with them and we are heartbroken. Not “trauma bonded” and “discarded”.
@@RICHARDGRANNON edit: I agree with your sentiment in general but what I'm relating to here is genuinely one of the few rare occurances with someone containing characteristics of the dark traid. I mean this woman, literally left me to the sound of cold cardiac machines trying to translate the sound of a broken heart and while she shat on my heart and left me to bleed I got to experience the cluster-fuck of repressed emotions apparently belonging to me and clogging up my aeteries because she said she wanted kids with my eyes and allayed my mistrust with her security only for me to very quickly find out she was cheating on me. At no point did I ever get an apology.. I just got trauma and a wound to suffice the betrayal. The only real comfort I got was when her boyfriend (the one my intuition was telling me she was cheating on me with) contacted me and said "She's my girlfriend now" because man now I do not feel even half as hurt as I did before because there's little pain in losing someone whose bad for you. Sure some days are better than others and I'll get those emotional flashbacks from it but I feel like I've grown wiser from it and I'm getting over this temporary state to be someone strong.
@@RICHARDGRANNON Even if I'm not Right, it doesn't make me Wrong, Right? You have My attention. Thank you for your Sincerity. I really do appreciate that and that is the truth. Personally I stumbled upon Dr S.V. perhaps a year ago, not exactly sure about the time line. Initially I was looking to educate myself more on this subject because I was trying to help heal myself from my undeniable somewhat self inflicted Pain. It is mind blowing when one comes to the realization of what Jaw Dropping Globally Recognized Platform for exploitation Cluster B Disorders. I unfortunately don't have any privacy whatsoever here or anywhere else for that matter. I have been trying to get ahold of some of my phobias about going back out into the Real World. I slowly ended up isolated partly from apparently a wide range of mental health disorders and partly because I have chosen to, because I don't have any one or anywhere I can go have a real conversation with someone. I am not blameless and I am not as confident as I would like to be albeit, I'm not a victim and I don't have any room in my heart for hate. I seriously just don't like being a target, subject and/or a project to be continually researched. I find it emotional exhausting on top of all the rest of the mind f*ckery fun and games. I hope you get this message. Okay. okay then Thanks again
Hello "community" :D. I really want to say something about this: I met a few highly narcissistic people in my life, I won't call them NPD's because I am not a psychiatrist nor am I aware that these people were ever diagnosed. One of them was particularly unsettling and at the time I was having a relationship of some kind with them, they would produce strong feelings of fear in me and I worried about them being psychopaths. I noticed so many things that were "off" about them and I wanted to erase them from my life. That was what my gut was telling me, but I found myself trying to understand and study them more deeply. I was not aware of the existence of narcissistic personality disorder but of course I knew what "narcissistic" meant. So when I found those videos on YT about narcissism, I learned a lot but I couldn't understand why I was drawn to this kind of people and why I wanted to suck all this information. Unless I was one of them. That really freaked me out so I started to evaluate everything about myself that I could remember, my thoughts, my actions, my relationships. And it was really hard to accept all the information that emerged. I was highly narcissistic myself. So I began working on it. This intro was to show you how awesome I am for figuring it out ( :'D ). Yeah we all have it folks. I really hope this video has opened some eyes. It was needed to be told. I noticed how the "narcissism videos" were structured - the talker would be talking in second person to us, and use "they" for the narcissist, so naturally one identifies with the "victim". But I thought, this talker is talking to someone who is a nice and almost perfect human being who was brutally used by some monster called NPD. Uhmm.. That doesn't work. I am not so nice. Perfect humans are not drawn to narcissists and also they don't exist. There is something wrong here. You (whoever is reading this, I hope there is someone :D) need to see that we are all human beings and our thoughts and feeling are very much alike. NPD is not a monster from another planet, it could have been you. And maybe it is you. At least a little bit. Just point that finger at yourself because there is no point in learning about this disorder if you're going to "diagnose" everyone around you and skip yourself (pretty narcissistic huh?). Cheers to everyone, I hope this helps.
I largely agree with you. However, as someone who's own mother is a true narcissist, I can say there is such a monster. We all have it to some degree. Children naturally have this and most grow out of it. There is a difference between having some traits and having a disorder.
I agree with you. When people like me had two narcissists parents, its hard not to have narcissistic traits, but I don't suffer from NPD like my parents (who were diagnosed). My sister and I were tortured by them and we were emotionally and sexually abused. What Richard and you are saying is true, we ARE all narcissists, but for people like me-our minds were twisted when we were young. So, I watch these videos to stay away from the abusers I keep running to. But, I also recognize the narcissist in myself, because you cannot be raised by one and not be affected. I happen to have turned out to be way more codependent with just narcissistic traits, but my sister is a full-on level 10 NPD. I did stop watching the narcissist channels because many of those people are angry, and right away I saw the problem. it did help identify my boyfriend, who I couldn't get away from and after 5 years of the crazy I finally left him for good. I mostly watch Richard's channel now. Love Pierre! It's more realistic and I'm about developing myself now. I got so tired of being referred to as a pure angelic victim. Gag. I understand I'm responsible for not walking away (even from my parents) for years. I like that Richard puts responsibility on us for that. the part of me that stayed for the abuse was codependent, but it was also narcissistic in a way and I see where he's having us develop that side of ourselves and work on that. Identifying what my boyfriend was was holding up the mirror to myself as well and I hurt him as much as he hurt me. Takes two to make toxic relationship. You can't wrestle with pigs and not get dirty yourself. Cheers to self actualization!
@@aprilstilskin5733 We all have traits on a spectrum but there are some of us who would not manipulate and destroy people for self gratification. Therein lies the difference?
no one can just end any addiction until you REPLACE it with a new addiction. I would rather maintain my new addiction to narc videos than relapse back into narc addiction.
Hi Richard ! Don't worry about your content .... I listened to you constantly for at least 2 years .. But about 5 years ago... It takes time but we can bust out of this tunnel and do really well over time ! I've been walking in the light for a few years and life is much better when you can side step people with no capacity to love .... You did help me a lot... I am making 3 times the money and lost 25 pounds . Buying a place in the country and have few but very loving friends..... Thank you
Your videos have saved my life and the life of my children. Please don't stop making videos. I was in a horrible relationship, had a nervous breakdown because I didn't know I was being emotionally abused. He was gaslighting me, word salad, raging, sarcastic, etc. It was awful. Please, your videos are more important than you realize. There are us who can't afford therapists. We need you.
I personally found that once I transitioned from identifying as a victim to identifying as a survivor my life became free. For myself personally, becoming a survivor involved forgiving myself & taking responsibility for the decisions & choices I made. One can never change the past, living in it wastes precious time. This has been & is my own personal perspective.
Defiantely, had to make that transition from victim to survivor before I could make real progress. But these videos and online forums helped me to understand that!
I learned that I've been in relationship that was basically a lie . I learned how to stand up for myself and set boundaries I never knew I could set. I learned to overcome the fear that was installed by my parents. I finally understood the reason I was feeling and living like a zombie in my life, dissociated not being able to connect to people. I learned the reason why my health was going down my hair falling from extreme stress and anxiety all the time, walking around them and not knowing when they are gonna attack me , I now know why I stutter only when I am around them can't think clearly..... the list is so long so yeah I learned this and I'll continue learning until I feel I don't need to watch them anymore and my life got back to normal, feeling good energized and productive. So much love to all of you ❤❤
You are spot on Richard. I saw your title to this video and it grabbed me. I have taken responsibility for my part of the relationship debacle. I am not a victim but I allowed another to cross boundaries, many of which I did not recognize as they leached through in the dark of the night, but now I have a better understanding. It takes two people to have a lie; the one telling it and the one who "wants" to believe it! Moving on...The information online has become repetitive. It is what it is. I am moving off these self help videos. Thanks for your part in my healing. There is a lot of value for what you do for many and I am happy you make it real, that includes those things you say that may be uncomfortable. Best of luck to you and your followers. Seek the truth my friends...we are the sum of our relationships-good or bad.
I feel that it's important to understand the spectrum that exists of narcissism. We all have a forms of narcissism. But it is important to be aware of this. Full blown narcissist are unable to do this. Healing is about understanding this and being able to look at yourself and behaviour both current and past. After my experience of being discarded last year by narc ex for someone else it made me search for answeres and find videos like this. VERY HELPFULL! I found out I had a narcissistic father and abusive upbringing. At 42 this was a shock to learn but made that hollow unknowing space inside get an answere. I've been watching videos like this for over a year now working on myslef and realising my mistakes in past relationships and I myself have been narcissistic as a result of my troubled past. I put off being in committed relationships and dismissed having children. As a result I have missed out on what could have been good relationships. Its been a very painful journey to look at myself and past and realise my faults as a person but I now know why I've behaved in such ways and how differently I now view my adult relationships both friendships and intimate. Completely changes you and I am still learning. Keep doing what you do as its only having a positive effect!
Yes, I have to agree. It’s time for me to move on, and stop watching narcissism videos. The videos helped me to understand and to heal, but it’s now time to move on.
I feel like and hope I’m in the 5%. your videos (and those of others on the subject of narcissism and codependency in combination with books and videos by Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie) have helped my skin grow thicker, have helped me see reality, have helped me to speak up for myself and say my peace (if I feel the need to), have opened my eyes wide to see where I ignored red flags in others and in myself, have empowered me to make better choices, have brought me a level of peace and understanding, have helped me heal and even have compassion for myself and even compassion for hateful people or those who appear to have full blown personality disorders (I’ve learned that having compassion for them doesn’t me I have to subject myself to them). I’m currently working on emotional literacy. I didn’t realize how illiterate I am. I’ve been trying to find my shadow. That one has proved a challenge. So I’m taking it in small bites. I recognize we are all codependent and we are all narcissists, it just depends on where we fall on the spectrum. Thank you Richard.
I come here to be informed, to heal, and to fortify my mental arsenal against those that mean me harm and ill will. Your content is very different from other “narcissism videos” in that it’s direct, informative, and encourages real insight. Rock on Richard and keep making the videos we need and not necessarily what we want. Medicine isn’t supposed to always taste like bubble gum but it is supposed to heal. Healing is the ultimate goal not to have our pain constantly reaffirmed. One thing that should come from ruminating on these videos is asking yourself “am I a narcissist”. I have and one thing that I’ve seen said quite a bit in these victim “communities” is that a true narcissist would never ask themselves this question. And while on some level this may be true but this type of self-affirmation can stunt self discovery and improvement. We all have some narcissism in us and in order to keep it in check we need to be open to admitting that and exploring it.
I haven’t watched your videos in a while but this popped up and I am glad. I had wondered why people would watch this subject so much. I used to watch your videos at the end of my abusive relationship with my ex that was very narcissistic. It helped me heal as well as survive so that I could become strong again to leave once and for all and it did. Have been free from all of it since 10/4/19. Thank You
Watching these videos helped me realize few things I was not aware of and got me out from the victim mode (I was raised by narcissistic parents) but I have to agree that after a while I started think almost everyone around me was narcissistic what is obviously not true. We all have some issues and need to work on them all life. There have to be balance in everything.
Critical Thinking is the umbrella over all the subjects you discuss: narcissism, psychology, philosophy, emotional literacy, sociology, etc. The critical examination of one's own thinking is the most powerful tool in the toolbox.
I believe i am that 5% weirdo! Few years ago I really did feel that I was pure and 100% innocent. Over time and with your help, I realized that I am far from pure. This is good stuff Richard and I do not take offense to ANY of it because its TRUTH! All of the empath,,, and narcissist abuse communities DO believe they are blameless! Whether we want to believe it or not, accept it or not, that IS what most channels teach! I would much rather hear the truth,,even if I really hurts.
Hi Richard, this video came to me on the right time, the more I saw narcissism videos the more I was questioning myself if actually I wasn't the narcissist. I came to this point after months and months of confusion on what went wrong on my relationship, during the last months and even though I've been going to therapy I wasn't taking too much responsibility for what I did in the relationship. Thanks for sharing this video I think it's a really good collaboration for all of us to own our mistakes and learn from them.
you can walk away from the toxic dump like the boomers dumped their toxic waste and walked away, leaving it for others to clean up. but would that make you any better ?
I like you Richard Grannon because you are a genuine, authentic person... I have been observing you for some time now and the message that the responsibility of diagnosing mental health disorders is the responsibility for trained professionals... this has been made quite clear by you... and so I thankyou for your concern in regards to the people listening to your content in warning people against the online diagnosing trap... Nevertheless, your videos on mental health has been very helpful and informative... I pretty much exclusively listen to your content on this subject... Take care brother and thanks again for your support... God bless you ✝️
You've made a huge difference in my life, and in the lives of Many. I Moved forward, still listening, learning. I've pretty muched let that dialogue (monologue?) go, it gives bad people too much information, now that I see that things cannot be repaired, really. It was wrong to expect goodness where there was none. No matter how much I speak, it is too late to make the past less oainful. Accepting loss, & making a future with my frustrated, imperfect self. It's less of a burden for those whom I love. But you make it possible for people like us to grow. I just feel brave now. The world needs that. Only leave it if it is too draining, In that case, there are fields to be tended nearby that are less treacherous. As you've always said, The assholes don't deserve anymore energy. You are Sanity in an insane world. Thank you, Rest 🌌
I definitely understand I was in denial from the beginning of my relationship & feel there was something wrong I just didn't know what it was ,I went so far as marrying this man ,the odd thing about it was after I got married he push me totally out of life , told me he knew he wasn't ready for marriage, I ask God to just remove me completely from the relationship ,I ask God for strength to heal before I catch a case knowing he's not worth it..
@@evonbaity6617 this is why we need to be informed and educated about narcissism, it’s actually a bigger problem than we think. I hope you’re doing better??
@@johnnydiscover2838 Good point! I have only just found out. I thought he was misunderstood. He admitted to his faults without me saying anything and said he was trying to change. Clearly he was worried that his notoriety would precede him. Which it does.
Suffering is inescapable...Suffering has a cause...Suffering has an end...There is a path to end Suffering .... This is what I had forgotten (?) when I started watching your videos.... There is a path and that path is not out there, out of reach... CHOOSE not to be a victim and then get on with it... If 2020 has taught us anything, it is this... Don’t waste your time and don’t let someone else waste your time either.... Get on with it.... Thanks for all your hard work Richard Grannon ... It is helping many of us and you are right... Learn what you need to and then stop watching narcissism videos and get on with your life. Much love everyone! 🌀❤️🌀
I'm on the same page. There's several therapists on here who do nothing but cover narcissism. I read the comments and everyone thinks they can diagnose their friends and family. People use these videos to weaponize their own suspicions and then confront someone else without any education.
I understand .. however it doesn’t take a doctorate or even a masters degree to check off the list ( 5 or more) to Put two and two together. There’s common sense and experience.. to know the difference ..
I know what you mean, but for the people who are actually dealing with it, these videos are a life saver - You’ll know if you know a narcissist it’s something you almost wouldn’t understand unless you’ve experienced it
Well I think its not about diagnosing people but to share experiences that you're not alone in it.. Ive experienced it with my ex and ex MIL; they were most likely narcisists.. but I never confronted them because that's not my "duty".. what helped me the most was to read that what had happened to me was real and I wasnt the only one.. because I have had some people around me think I exaggerated what had happened.. and they dont think that kind of abuse is real.. while in the comments of these video's, there is understanding, because we've all been through the same thing.. and that's important to know.. all the gaslighting and lying makes you really question your sanity at times.. so for me it's reassuring to know that it wasnt me (only a little as a codependent person) but mostly my ex his narcisistic behaviour..because who would treat people like sh*t when they say they love you...
I think there’s a value in knowing the tricks narcs use, so someone with weaknesses in areas that make them easy marks can identify those things within themselves and strengthen those areas for next time. I’m a writer so I’m researching to build a believable character.
It is just as important to understand why you become a victim of a narcissist as it is to understand what you are dealing with. Both are very important.
I love that Richard makes videos for all of us. He’s made this exact video before about a year ago. One person who needs to hear his message will today...and move forward in their healing.
I just wanted to say thank you for this, I really needed to hear it. It's easy for me to go down that proverbial rabbit hole and wrap myself in a victim blanket. I personally need to look more inwardly and take more responsibility for things I can change in my life.
I m 45 and I left my narc family 5 years ago, Im happy that you make these videos because it really helped me to realize whats been going on my whole life. Its really painful from time to time, but I feel so free! My father is a alcoholic and he tried to destroy my marriage, and my reputation but my hubby kicked his arse! And I dont miss my mothers negativity and drama on every big events or holidays. She tried to destroy my relationship between me and my kids, shes literally like the stepmother in the Disney movies!
You have been posing the following questions for us to ask ourselves for some time “what is good, what is evil, how do I want to live my life?” Even though I feel stuck in my life situation by asking myself those questions for the last 4 or 5 months I have come to realize that my life is separate from the situation. Full responsibility. ❤️ Thanks for giving me back my sanity.
After watching narcissism videos for about 12 months, I found I couldn't do it anymore. P:eople talking about rewenge, getting even, how to make them suffer etc. I couldn't do it anymore. I was feeding on such negative energy at lot of the time, I began to realise I had to stop. I originally got good healing information, but I was becoming obsessed . I stopped about 6 months ago and mentally am feeling much stronger and calmer. I have stopped blaming everyone else and now taking responsibility for my own life and thoughts. I feel a better person for tuning out.
I think that codependents who watch videos over and over about narcissism are still stuck in the trap of focusing on something other than their self. Once I realized how a narcissist was able to use me and why, I got away (it took more than a few tries to completely break away). The only repellent for attracting another is to focus on my recovery. Learning boundaries and sticking by them is HARD WORK! To be honest, I just want to be able to have a "coffee date" and have it go smoothly and not go into extremely personal territory! Just a light, pleasant social experience with no one bearing their soul would be lovely! And really, on the yin yang circle some codependents are close to narcissism. Both are sick and can claim some sort of victimization. It's how they use it that distinguishes them, right? So, it can't do any good to focus on the narcissist. Not once you figure out what is really going on. Then it's all about getting in a safe place and recovering. Which eliminates one narcissist from your inner circle . But chances are there are more opportunists hanging around. There is some denial in your mind attached to each one that you have to break through to realize it. So, focusing on yourself and what you need to recover is more than enough to deal with. Your life will start to empty out as they leave...and then you have to deal with all your own broken pieces. It sounds harsh and lonely and it is! But if frees your life for better experiences. I am not where I want to be yet, but I can see it! I have hope. I have had days where I felt so despondent and detached that I could have picked up the phone and called him. But I can't go back to wondering, I KNOW what it's all about now. Now I have to deal with that part of me that craves the lie. I know verbatim what he will say and do. I also know it's BS. So, I go through those days looking at my own reality and it sucks. Because I own my own shit now. However, it can get better if I continue to stick to the boundaries I have given myself. And keep in recovery work. For the rest of my life. I was conditioned early to accept the unacceptable, so it is what it is. Good news is I am allowed to play and have fun now! If I give myself permission . No one's holding me back but me. That the hardest part to break through is the internal resistance to better experiences!
So, you helped me escape a 27 year marriage to Satan. So, you opened my eyes to the bugged house, utter deception and complete fantasy I once thought was my life. So, it’s been four years of your best no contact solution and I’ve woken up every gawd damn day of it like it was Christmas morning. Thank you Richard Grannon for saving the rest of my life, wheather you accept you were capable of that or not. Glad I stopped by this video, after letting the Narc videos go for a while now, a sign of healing and a marker of moving on in life, you say. And yes, I really outta examine that inner Narc I’ve developed.
Richard, I love your content. I have used your channel for insidious purposes, you've helped me defeat someone with narcissistic traits, I beat them at their own game. Perhaps now you can create content on how we can reclaim our compassion, help us repair ourselves. Keep up the wonderful work.
Lisa A Romano was the first person ever in my 60 yrs of life, who understood and lived a similar experience like i lived w my narc mom her videos on youtube have helped me heal more, and comforted me w the knowing that someone gets it i have tried to talk to many people my entire life, and no one has believed me or my story now that i know i have her support, i am becoming more whole and believei am enough, finally so i dont listen to the videos unless i need help or am having a trigger, or actual rare encounter w the narc who is 88 and in assisted living i have not listened to your videos,but i am sincere when i say you obviously have helped crowds of people, and most people are going to responsibly use your wisdom.
I wish more people would speak about this. Even if you never say the word "Narcissist" again, I'll keep up with you because I love the way you approach issues and you have such a pure heart! Love and light! ❤️🌞
I agree on all of your points. However like you said, people will misconstrue absolutely anything you say. Don't do it for them. Do it for the people who don't. You have helped me tremendously. I was going through a very confusing part of my life and at my lowest, when I was searching for answers, it was your video out of a thousand that gave me an answer. I'm not trying to pat your back. You worded something in a way that I understood. Others have too, but you answered my toughest question. And you know what, since then, I have played the blame game. Not verbally, but in my head. Oh, now it makes sense, it was so and so. Then the more I've researched and watched these videos, I thought, maybe it was this person. I know now, it was everyone. It was me, it was her, it was him. It was everyone in the world and nobody. I do suspect strongly that it was a certain individual but this is my life. I'm a seperate human being and my problems are mine, not somebody else's. And they're human too. Sociopaths, narcissists, all of them. Just as human as me with their own problems created by them and the way they were raised. Imperfect, just like me. That said, I understand where you're coming from and I'm happy you question the ramifications. I'm happy you take your audience into consideration and how they may use the information you give. I love watching people that are actively trying to be unbiased, even though it's impossible to do all of the time. Thank you for your content and thank you for helping me, and helping me understand. At least now, I can understand that my "enemies" are just as human as I am, and I should not hate them. I could have easily been them. I understand their struggle better thanks to you, and thanks to you, I now understand that I can place a boundary to tell them not to cross and still love them as a human being, just as imperfect as myself.
Another great video, loving this honesty. I was a childhood victim, then it flowed on into my adult relationships, because I was unconsciously programmed to be dysfunctional in relationships. My behavior and beliefs where just as much out of whack as those of the partners I chose for myself. It took a few years for me to educate myself, and to really understand the dynamic which was playing out in my life. Then I could see where my decisions had caused the suffering from my childhood to continue, and I was able to make better choices for myself. None of it was easy, but I was responsible for changing my behavior, so that I wasn't accepting abuse from other people any longer. I first had to get comfortable with putting my own needs first, or realizing that I had a right to. I had a 'victim mentality' for a few years, I was told this by a therapist, who actually did more harm than good. At the time, I needed validation, support and understanding, I was in the process of unraveling everything which had happened, and trying to figure out why. I was still being abused and gaslighted by the husband I was in the process of divorce from. Trying to protect a teenage daughter and navigate the legal system, while being systematically attacked through that legal system by..... well, it was a very difficult time, and as is typical, I had become quite socially isolated, so I felt very alone. I don't really know why I'm writing this comment. Maybe because my experience is that recovery is/was a process, and at some point we need to be able to recognize that we were victims, and perhaps we need someone other than ourselves to validate that, so we can accept it on a deep level, grieve, and then move on.
My ex husband was diagnosed by a highly credentialed psychologist with Cluster B Disorder. I didn't need your videos to diagnose him. I use your videos and some others to confirm what red flags I ignored and where I could have had better boundaries is how I use these videos. I am taking complete responsibility.
Yes! Red flags i ignored and minimized because I didn't want to face being alone. Ultimately I sacrificed MYSELF! What a realization. Now I am alone, working on me, building a life I love, expressing boundaries in a healthy way. I am fully responsible for me. No victim here.
