Ruining Roman History with Bad Translations 

"Rome fought Rome. 9 million soldiers and civilians died." There it is lads, all of Roman history beautifully summarized.

"He establised provinces and cities of Spain" "He was born in spain"

I want this series to continue for as long as scientifically possible.

I just love the idea of an immortal gigachad, going around and constantly changing the course of history

"Yes: Nationalism and Violence against other nations" I'm in tears

Remember, this isn't just history. It's His Story.

You should do this with Greek History, the translations would definitely be horrible considering how complicated it is.

I just realized, it was never about History, it was always about HIS Story

My great great grandfather is a veteran of the Roman-Armenain VI war, he was assigned to defend the Holy father so that the Romans wouldn't steal him, after the war he was Hadrian's most loyal commander and general

He just did research on the game before he played it, so he knows all the plot twists already

Here we go lads, more HE content for the HE timeline! Next, you should try doing Medieval History!

He took Corsica and Sardinia to Rome? Did he carry them on his back or teleport them with his god-like powers? Either way, I'm impressed.

Wait, so is He's name actually Bulgarian or does he just have a Bulgarian name?

I'd love to see him translate articles on Chinese history because it's already wild without Google Translate. I did some translations of Wu Zetian's page and the sources are the Tango Book and the New Testament. On Wu Zetian's baby daughter: "A daughter was born the same year. However, her daughter soon died and it is assumed that she committed suicide. Wu himself testified in court and accused Wang of murder. According to eyewitnesses, a mobile phone was found at the airport. Hassan Wang said he killed his son out of jealousy. The stream name is locked and cannot be deleted." And on her grandson: "But he died. I am dying of pain.."

Still more coherent than most historians from Antiquity

Honestly with how WW1 gets involved in the BCs, It's safe to assume that HE neither time travels, nor is immortal, but may simply be at the centre of and exploiting a convergence of time itself.

"Rome wins against England, and then Scotland" Roman empire speedrun

I have small headcanon that HE is like Avatar - reincarnates over and over. This explains how HE existed in multiple time periods and was born in multiple countries

I'm glad that Aurelian in this timeline was recognized as a Priest of Apollo who clearly has unlocked all of the sun-related incantations in Elden Ring. He will now wreck his rival's poor builds as he was meant to.

Ok, here's a crackpot theory: What if HE is just playing Paradox Interactive grand strategy games in a Paradox Mega Campaign genre? All his deaths are failed runs.

Honestly, Aurelian killing HIM is understandable. Aurelian may be the only historical figure worthy of challenging HIM.

“Phillip stopped fighting” Top ten saddest moments in history

HE has played this game twice, remember that.

5:01‬‏ Now we know who HE was married to before remarrying in World War I

That part with Claudius taking nero and seemingly absorbing him was oddly horrifying. Also it looks like the author/Justin dealing with his mortality was one of the first mental health problems he had, foreshadowing when he'll eventually kill a man in the ardennes. And love how even in this f-ed up timeline Aurelian is still so powerful that he can defeat HIM.

Glad you made this. Really helping me with my Latin and Roman History class

I can't believe we learned the names of Justin, Matt and Bulgarian in the same episode!

HE, YOU, WE and I LORE 0:35 HE was in front of the enemy. 1:13 YOU are an adult 1:19 This forum has been announced for 3 times in HIS career 1:34 HE asked who was the king of wisdom 1:42 HE hated the nazi army and returned home after 21 days 1:51 Again I went to the Consulate General 2:01 HE is the first player 2:25 YOU are looking for numbers between 4 and 10 2:33 HE took Sardinia and Corsica to Rome 2:39 HE was taken to Rome during the Illyrian war 2:42 WE have glass windows 3:10 HE established provinces and cities of Spain 3:49 HE and King Bogolius killed thousands of Cumbrian soldiers and civilians 4:14 I saw death 4:36 HE died on a Friday 5:01 HE married Claudius Agrippina, the youngest daughter of Germanicus 5:10 HE was assassinated by king Cladius Nero 6:36 HE killed many people 7:28 HE killed the Archon Heliogabalus and captured Serverus 7:32 I am related to Alexander of Rome 7:36 HE was killed by the priest Aurelian 7:43 I will die 8:59 HIS grandfather Rissimo and Marion had to leave Rome 9:07 MY grandfather died 9:33 MY name is Justin, Matt 9:33 HE turned his back on the island and headed for the old town of Rasdon 10:21 HIS name is Bulgarian Tell me if I missed anything

He is the most developed character in history. Also another shoutout to the random Google Translate person who leaves weird dark messages sometimes.

Possibly my favorite moments are "Local Man kills a God" and "406. Yes. NATIONALISM AND VIOLENCE AGAINST OTHER NATIONS" Love your stuff man keep up the great work.

established characters so far: HE (Bulgarian?), SHE, ME (Justin, Matt) oh yes and french tourist too

1:40 must be the timeline from the new indiana jones movie also, "publius sexius" is something straight out of a monty python skit

Do the crusades next please! The crusades definitely has the potential to be freaking hilarious.

Finally HE returned as a roman soldier

So is His name a Bulgarian name or is His name literally “Bulgarian”? 🤔

HE has the most consistent character arc. As time goes on, HE gets stronger and stronger.

The minimum age for parents being two in wales is historically measured in Sheep years, much like we measure in dog years in civilized parts.

We finally found out who His first wife was. Also the narrator had it rough during roman times.

1:13 Is Google Translate trying to shame me for my arguably childish humor?

10:21 Woah woah woah!!! How are you gonna gloss over that? That was major…MAJOR HE lore!

6:02 So basically.. roman version of Kratos?

I absolutely LOVE HE lore. HE has done so much for the universe, and his godly power is immense. I find it impressive that Aurelian was able to defeat HE, but if anyone could, it most certainly would be Aurelian.

This is his first playthrough, so since he already knows about the Nazis, clearly this means he watched a RU-vid let's play before starting.

3:48 Did this get brought up at HIS war crimes trial?

7:43 The narrator is coming to terms with his temporary existance.

It is quite interesting how many parallels could be drawn between Warhammer 40K’s Emperor of Mankind and “He” in this series. This installation in particular made me realize how well the occasional nonsense fits into the unclear truths of the 40K timeline. Our first introductions to He showed Him in the World Wars and Cold War, and as each one unfolded, He grew in strength with each chronological crisis. He may have been moderately powerful in WWI, but by the Cold War, He is capable of feats of immense power, and even unassisted flight and space travel. There is a clear trend of linear growth. However, this stage of He’s history is so much earlier, so it is reasonable that He is much less powerful. How is He dying? Repeatedly, I might add. The idea of ‘perpetual’ individuals from 40k can be applied; each time He dies as noted in this history, it is not a complete death, merely a temporary death of body, one that accompanies the death of an ego perhaps, but not the whole being. Somehow, He bounces back, and is either reincarnated, assumes the form of another, or is otherwise able to heal and escape the grave. Either way, all of the contradictory statements about His births, nationalities, and deaths may still be accurate, if only to singular instances and alter egos of Him. First up: the deaths of Him. In this installment of He lore, He dies 3 times in total: once in 14 AD (event following death of Caesar), once to Claudius in 54 AD (after marrying Claudius Agrippina in 49 AD), and lastly in 275 AD (by Priest Aurelian). As a side note, He is declared an enemy of the state by the senate in 68 AD, and in response “He decided, and ordered, to destroy everything.” One event from the Roman timeline stuck out to me in particular: “439 B.C. - He asked: ‘Who is the king of wisdom?’” This is followed a few sentences later by “He hated the Nazi army, and returned home after 21 days.” This suggests to me that these two events are tied. He left home to search for answers for how to wisely rule mankind. This could have involved seeking out wisemen, or meditating in search of answers within Himself. However, whatever tactic He used, His efforts only gave Him “the Nazi army” as the answer, which He rejects outright, as He ends the exercise and returns home. This fits beautifully into 40k. Imagine a younger, more naive Emperor seeking answers to the question of how mankind can best be united and guided throughout the ages. What his visions show Him is the Imperium of Mankind, an abominably cruel form of rule that, despite its mountains of flaws, persists for more than ten thousand years. It is no secret that the Imperium’s fascist elements are inspired heavily from Nazi Germany. How else could a comparatively childlike Emperor perceive the horrors of an interstellar fascist empire? By conflating it with the most infamous fascist faction of early Terran history. The Emperor does not yet wish to rule mankind with an iron fist. “He hates the Nazi army.” This realization is made while Rome is still a republic, but this does not last for long... Looking at the chronology of He within the Roman timeline, He only starts dying after the transformation of Rome from a republic to an empire. Ironically, in real history, the Roman republic was plagued by constant war, but the first 200 years of the Roman empire were staggeringly peaceful. Why is He dying only after this change? I’d chalk it up to dissatisfaction with being ruled. Resistance to things He didn’t agree with may have been permitted in a republic. Senators could be swayed by debates or bribes. In an empire He doesn’t control? It means death. Heck, the video says it outright. Right after Augustus defeats Antony, before any of His deths, at 4:13 it notes: “I saw death.” It isn’t He that says this. It’s the timeline itself. This brings up a perplexing idea: could the various statements and observations inserted into the timeline willy nilly actually belong to Him? Perhaps not in this moment, but in the future, looking back on it? After all, at 4:27 it just says “The past.” Another piece of supporting evidence for this is the 456 & 457 AD events where civil war commences, and His grandfather (as well as Marion) must leave Rome... and the next year, “my grandfather died.” These two events are immediately adjacent in the timeline, clearly linked. If that‘s not an indicator of Him remembering these events from the future, I don’t know what is. The first person perspective of the timeline is Him. Suddenly, there’s a lot of non-sequiturs that make sense, either as sporadic, intrusive thoughts, or current mental commentary on people or events topical to the timeline. “Return your property.” “Believe that your people are Christ.” “I am related to Alexander of Rome.” “Brother of the deceased,” and the very next year, “I will die.” “Give freedom to my people.” “Yes: Nationalism and violence against other nations.” Finally, last but not least, “Data is rejected.” This last one seems so silly and out-there, but from a 40K Emperor PoV, it could be rejection of a faulty data link from the Golden Throne, which directly interfaces to His psyche. On second thought, this is all circumstantial. Bad translation ping-pong will make mistakes constantly, with consistency of ‘He’ sightings appearing as a natural result of language’s structure. But damn if it isn’t a brain bender to try and make sense of the nonsense.

It's called HIStory for a reason.

As an italian, I can confirm all that actually happened in past 😂

5:04 "50AD - Claudius took Nero." Can't have shit in Rome

6:16 Rome is burning, The Colosseum was completed 😂

"HIS name is Bulgarian" So it's either that HIS name is literally "Bulgarian" or it's something like "Dimitar"

3:09 This explains why HE was born in spain

2:03 This is HIS first playthrough but he has seen others play

4:31 L.. Ceasar is definitly Lucius Ceasar Augustus grandson who did die in 2 AD

HE’s so powerful, HE settled one of the three different places he was born in.

It kinda sucks to see HE die so often in these pre-ww2 videos

9:30 We have HE, then SHE, and now we have ME. Would love to see more new characters like WE and THEY

3:20 It’s because sheep age faster than we do so Wales had to make accommodations I get this joke will be really niche. The joke is that one of the stereotypes of wales is that they have close relationships (euphemism) with sheep.

Somehow in almost every video HE has connections with Spain

HE never fails to entertain us.

4:14 'I saw death.' 7:47 'I will die.' The same murderer confessions... 9:33

My personal theory is that He is a dynasty, a last name

He dies multiple times, but just keeps coming back.

Who else feels really sad for Justin through all the videos?

He lore: He knew about Nazi He founded some cities in Spain He conquered England He killed many people He defeated his grandfather He died 2 rimes during the Roman Empire period He captured Sardinia and Corsica He killed 2 roman emperors and captured one of them He retook his island He is the player 1 His name is Bulgarian (so we need to find all male names to try and guess his name) :)

“L. Caesar died suddenly” is a real thing and it did happen on 2 AD. Lucius Caesar, who was heir to the throne, died from a sudden illness. Nonetheless a huge L for Augustus.

9:34 So Justin is writing the article and we (the viewers) are Matt ? Makes sense.

ALL HE LORE HE is born in Spain HE gets the forum 3 times HE talks to the King Of Wisdom, wishing to learn about the future HE then gets a vision of the Nazis and vows to fight them one day, also seeing the Aryan War HE is the first player, this implies his first playthrough of this game has begun HE then starts conquering Sardinia and Corsica HE then goes to Rome during the Illyrian War for an unknown reason HE later returns to Spain and establishes 3 provinces HE leads his first army to fight in Cumbria HE dies for the first time, later he respawns *First Playthrough is very successful, with HE starting his journey* HE now marries on his second playthrough with a daughter of Germanicus HE is assassinated by Nero *Second Playthrough was very bland, being assassinated for marrying a Germanicus relative* HE respawns again, now on his third life, and kills many in Rodom HE kills Archon and captured Severus HE is killed by the Priest Aurelian *Third Playthrough was very Violent, died early on.* HIS grandfather leaves time due to civil war HE leaves the island and returns to Rasdon, this island was likely where HIS grandfather fled. HE is called Bulgarian. This confirms that HE is not ME, which was just a coincidence that both grandfathers had tragedies occur. *Fourth Playthrough has very little information available. Although we do not know when he died, it is confirmed that HE was revived in 1617 in the Ottoman Empire* -1914- Although unconfirmed, HE (Bulgarian) is presumed to have lived from 1617 to 1914, however this is subject to change HE is sent to Serbia but refused to fight, changed sides and fought Austria instead HE didn’t fight in Charleroi HE dies in the Battle of Lava in Austria *Fifth Playthrough was very interesting, the longest living of all the revived HEs. HE is presumed to be born in the Ottoman Empire and went into hiding for almost 300 years.* HE is respawned, fighting Theobald von Bateman-Hallweger. HE dies in battle somewhere between Japan and China *Sixth Playthrough was very short, only fighting Theobald and dying.* HE respawned, born in the Republic of Lithuania and remarrying in Great Britain However HE lost his army against the Romanians in only a week HE builds a school and church in Greece HE received a military commission to build new buildings outside a park somewhere in Britain HE gets up and fights Lotte, a French Captain who hijacked a Fiji tour. HE returns to Buckingham Palace to meet with King George twice 1939 HE is sent to Germany by the French and British governments HE later founded London, a new city, in Belgium HE prevented Hitler from invading Britain, likely using London, Belgium as a base of operations HE goes to Central Africa after fighting in the Christmas War HE led an army then to Crete and established a kingdom. HE also has a British uniform. HE leads another army into Libya from Alexandria to Moratus HE summons the Estonian empire to fight against the USSR, which leads to Peace in Germany 1950 HE disappears, hiding. HE is then spotted flying 5,990 KM without using an airplane, clearly this HE is extremely powerful compared to other HEs HE then orbits the moon 10 times before returning to Earth HE arrives in the US in the New Armstrong Airport HE is the first astronaut to land on another planet HE then lands on Mars for the first time, however it only lasts 20 seconds HE leads a rescue operation in Cambodia to failure A terrorist attack takes place against HIM, likely due to his strength HE is sometimes called the Youngest Son of the Soviet Revolution, this implies HE hates communists HE overthrows the Grenadian Communist Government and the Cuban Army and stops the Soviets from building an Airport HE condemns aid to rebels after the Borland Commission HE is convicted of crimes against humanity and war crimes in Argentina from 1976-1983 during the National Reform Commission He retreats from Frunze to Bishkek, the capital of the Kyrgyz Republic HE smiles when Azerbaijan gained independence from the USSR HE gained independence from Latvia and independence, likely restating the old Crete Kingdom HE divided England into a Republic HE helps The Restoration of Cambodia HE was captured by the Taliban and was the first afghan leader to be captured by the militants HE was there for 8 years, after the army invaded Iraq. It is unclear wether HE was still captive or was in Iraq during this time period HE ruled Azawad from Ansongo HE travelled from Bujumbura to Gitega, the capital of Burundi HE participates the Myanmar Civil War HE defeated the Armenian army, shrinking Armenia to only 41 square kilometres. *Seventh Playthrough. HE has not yet died, and has lived an extremely interesting life, where he participated in warfare, space travel, the collapse of the Soviet Union, state management, helped end WW2 and a lot more.*

My favorite part is Justin having an existential crisis in the backround

4:36 OMG, He is Jesus! 🤯 ✝

2:09 Nonono, this isn't his first playthrough. He's reminding you that he's Player One. The protagonist.

3:07 truly the most important event of the Roman era.

HE is the god emperor of mankind

0:59 Yeah I remind that. We attacked frascati and celebrated with tacos and arepas all the night. And, of course, HE was invited

If HIS name is Bulgarian, HIS actual name must be Toй (Toj).

He theory: Everytime He dies, he loses his power. At this point, He is very powerful, until he dies on friday. After He died in WWI, he lived without dying in WWII and the cold war, and thus became very powerful again. The longer He lives, the more powerful He becomes.

Let's go, more HE lore!

7:11 Fairly sure Translate has confused the Roman Empire for the Imperium of Man.

8:41 my favourite part

9:40 too much cuteness 😍

"according to roman history rome was built" ✒🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

So He is Bulgarian, Me is Justin and I am Matt… Also, we now know who was his first wife: Agrippina. He waited long enough to remarry

HE uses death in order to time travel I think

9:29 yes! We need more me lore!!

03:38 Census(d ot)gov estimates 200BC as having between 150 million and 231 million. So almost 10% of the world’s population was killed????? 😂 EDIT: OMG the actual number was about 90k 😆 Translation software has a ways to go!

Me when god attacks rome 😭😭😭

I think it was kinda funny how it basically started by Rome literally being built in a day

What if HE is leaving all of those messages after the translations like how he says "I killed a man..." in the WW2 video?

This is just a typical game of Civ.

We now know who HIS first wife was.

I think Justin, Matt became depressed in this episode considering the fact that many things (including his grandfahter) died this time

as a bulgarian i am proud to say that his name is bulgarian

He lore has become so strong and power. HE has lived for thousands of years. HE is legendary!

it all makes sense now. in WW1 it said he remarried, so that means his wife before then was claudius agrippina!

4:11 nice 360

HE finally got a name: Bulgarian. And finally I/me/Justin, Matt finally got his own lore.

The Life of He. In 555 BC, He was in front of the enemy, thankfully, He survived. From 447 BC and before, this forum has been announced 3 times during His career. In 439 BC, He asked an unknown figure, “Who is the king of wisdom?” We also learn in 439 BC that He hates the Nazi army, confusing many as they don’t know what a “Nazi” is, He returns home after 21 days. In 337 BC, we learn that He is the first player, beginning his first of three playthroughs. In 238 BC, He took Sardinia and Corsica to Rome, after Ardeo, He is taken to Rome for protection during the Illyrian War, 40 years later, He established the provinces and cities of Spain, another 100 years later, He and King Bogolius kill thousands of Cumbrian soldiers and civilians. In 14 AD, He dies on Friday. In 49 AD, He gets married for the first time, marrying Claudius Agrippina, the youngest daughter of Germanicus, 5 years later, He is assassinated by King Claudius Nero. In 117 AD, when the Romans captured the city of Rodum, He killed many people, over 100 years after not hearing about He, He killed Archon Heliogabalus and capturs Severus, after 50 years on the run, in 275 AD, He is killed by Priest Aurelian. In 456 AD when the Roman Civil War began, He’s grandfather, Rissimo and Marino, were forced to leave Rome. In 634 AD, He, after many years, turns his back on the island and flees for the old town of Rasdon. In 1018 AD, we learn that He’s official name is Bulgarian. On July 24th, 1914, the Austro-Hungarian government sent He to Serbia, He refused this order, and supported the Serbians in the fight against Austria-Hungary. He is later seen in Charleroi, however does not fight either side in the city. On September 3rd, 1914, He was killed in the battle of Lava, Austria-Hungary, but just 6 days later, He attacked Theobald von Bateman-Hallweger, leaving many to believe the death of He was Austro-Hungarian propaganda. He is later recruited to the Ottoman Empire, fighting in the battle of Chatur, however his achievements are overshadowed by Lam’s triumphant victory, and He is left behind. He later mysteriously dies in Korea in 1915, but is later remarried in Britain to She, after divorcing Claudius Agrippina. He later leads an army to attack Romania, however this army is destroyed by Romanian forces, following the loss, He builds a church and school in Thessaloniki, Greece. He later receives a military commission from Maurice Heniz and builds several buildings outside the park. He then got up, which is called karma. Reports then reveal that he was born over 300 years in the Ottoman Empire. He was later received at Buckingham Palace by King George V on the evening of December 10th, and visited Buckingham Palace for the first time on November 11, He the takes a short break from the military, until on September 2nd, 1939, Britain and France agreed to send Him to Germany, in an attempt to halt the German advances during the Ghost War. He is eventually pushed back to Belgium, where He founded the city of London, where He holds off the German advance. After waiting a few more months, Hitler attempts to invade Britain, but He masterfully prevents this from happening. He is then sent to Central Africa, after fighting in France and the UK in the Christmas War of 1940, a war that had lasted for 24 years, The result of this war is unknown. He was then sent to Crete, where his army and himself established the Kingdom of Crete. Two years later in November, 1942, He led an army from Alexandria, Egypt, to Moratus, Hungary. In 1944, growing tired of British leadership, He switches sides, joining German forces, summoning the Estonian army to destroy the Soviet Empire, this attempt sees He’s first major defeat, it is never confirmed, but is suspected that He retired from war following the loss, until in 1950, He is declared missing, leaving many to believe he died in the war, He is later seen alive in 1959, when he flies 5,990 kilometers over the ocean, without an airplane, He then puts his flying skills to the test, as in 1967, He flies around the moon 10 times before returning to Earth, He arrived back in the US on July, 20th, 1969. Just one year later, He becomes the first astronaut to land on another planet, it is unspecified which planet this is, another year later on December 2nd, 1971, He becomes the first human to arrive on Mars. In 1975, He makes his great return to combat, however, in a naval rescue mission against the Khmer Rouge, He makes his second major loss, as he leads his entire team to failure. In 1979, NATO threatened nuclear expansion in Europe, which is (apparently) the second time He has had this happen, this leaves the populous to believe that He is an almighty god. In 1982, we learned that He is Spanish, contradicting earlier reports of him being born in the Ottoman Empire. Following the events which led Sri Lanka to ban their communist party, He is nicknamed “the youngest son of the Soviet Revolution.” In October 1983, American forces invade Grenada, with the help of He, the Grenadian Communist Party is overthrown, He overthrows the Cuban Army as well, limiting Cuban ambitions in the Caribbean and neutralizing the threat they posed to America, He then prevents the Soviet Union from constructing an airport, believing that they were trying to undermine American influence. In May, 1984, He condemned aid to the rebels. In 1985, the United Nations convicts He of crimes against humanity and war crimes in Argentina from 1976 to 1983. In 1986, SHE, suspected of being He’s wife, became the first female president of the Philippines. In 1990, more modern reports do say that He was born in Lithuania, instead of Spain or the Ottoman Empire. Also in 1990, some very sad news, She’s hair is dirty. Just one year later, He retreated from Frunze to Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan. In August of 1991, following the independence of Azerbaijan from the Soviet Union, He smiled. And then just a few days later, He gained independence from Latvia and Lithuania, leaving many to believe He influenced the collapse of the Soviet Union. In 1992, He divided England into a republic of all duties, further increasing his power. In May of 1992, He paved the way for the restoration of Cambodia. In 1994, He, now leader of Afghanistan, was captured by militants. In 2002, He was in Afghanistan for 8 years after the army invaded Iraq. In 2012, He became the ruler of Azawad, ruling from Ansongo, the largest and last town in the Azawad Autonomous Province, He later steps down from this role as He begins traveling around Africa from Bujumbura to Gitega. In 2021, lots of people begin to build monuments dedicated to He for his service in World War I and the Civil War, in May of the same year, He also defeats the Armenian army. This is all information about He to this day, more is expected to be found as scientists begin to study the life and history of He. Yes, I added some (a lot) of this on my own, but I felt like it gave more character and reasoning for the actions of our glorious, tall, handsome, strong, independent, respectful, almighty god, the one and only. HE. (help, help, help there is way to much here, where did my life go? help.)

I ran it through Mayan Wikipedia and got a story of how Julius Caesar fought the island of Pompeii in the battle of frog army in 40 bc

HE simply transcends time.

HE literally just started New Game + that's how he knew about German Nazis😂