Second-guessing, self-doubt, and indecision in narcissistic relationships 

I went into therapy about a year and a half ago for my depression and it turned out all I needed was a divorce.

Only people who experience this abuse and then figure out what is happening can truly understand it. Thank you Dr.R

Dr. Ramani's vulnerability about her own life made me feel so understood that I cried.

Something I realized after coming out of my relationship with my ex narcissist (husband): You don’t realize just how dark the storm clouds really are until you’re away and out from under them.

Doctor Ramani, I don't know you, will probably never meet you, I live a continent + an ocean away from you, and yet every day you give me the feeling of homecoming with your subtle warmth and wisdom. Thank you so much! You radiate love and we love you back 💓

Its actually so painful how even after you end a relationship with a narcissist. For some time you will still second guess yourself, you won't really know what to do because you are so used to them dictating you your whole relationship. I remember after I ended my relationship, I couldn't even decide if I was actually hungry or if I needed food to survive, lost so much weight. That's something that not everyone will understand if they haven't been in this situation

At least once a day i say to myself "i trust myself", which seems to help. And also when i don't know what to choose i first say "i trust myself, i know what is best for me" and then make the decision

Trent Shelton said,, “Don’t lose yourself because you lost them. Sometimes the best way to add to your life is to subtract from it.” Do the math you deserve to live your best life!

I bought myself a candle :) I cried about it and I still cry about it, but I finally went and bought that candle I wanted. And, I bought myself soap dispensers, for which he nastily made fun of me. But I got one for each bathroom, and even matching tooth brush holders! It took weeks to set them up because I was procrastinating, because I was afraid of a person who no longer lives here. Even now the fear lingers, I was up all last night sobbing because I couldn’t shake the fear that he was going to come to my apartment. Baby steps.

I just want to feel like me again. I miss my happy-go-lucky-joyful carefree creative self. I bought a new brand of coffee beans that didn't taste good. Instead of beating myself up, i said oh well, i just won't buy that coffee again. This video hits home. Time to find the real me.

This might sound strange, but Animal Crossing was a really good way to start making decisions and trusting myself again. It's a low stakes game where all you have to do is personalize an island, you can make choices about the layout of the island, decorate the interior of your house, find cool outfits for your character, and as small and goofy as it was, it helped me kickstart the decision making process back into gear

When Dr Ramani said " I have screwed many major decisions because of my struggles with self doubt and indecision and I still doubt myself in many areas" I felt that and I could see the pain in her eyes 😭😢. Yhoo I relate so much. She is a survivor of narcissistic abuse ✊ at age 54

The best thing to do to reclaim yourself is by working on yourself, meditating, doing positive affirmations every day. The narcissist does not define who we are. We are kind and strong people. It is a long road, but worth it.

Today is a great day to execute another day of No Contact! Continue focusing on you and focus on your purpose! Stay on 🎯

After 28 years of feeling confused and finding out i was the scapegoat in my family, I had the courage to move out of my house. I was belittled, called ungrateful, and blamed for causing my entire family suffering and pain bc its not typical to move out until I get married in my culture. I cannot believe the peace i feel everyday and am thankful i can provide for myself and that i have this option bc i know a lot of people who are suffering and have it worse than i did cannot.

"You give up on yourself to please them." Thanks Dr R, you got this just right. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and survived by making her the reason for any and all of my choices. As a kid, I noticed her voice in my head all the time, a nagging, shaming ghost. After I became independent, self doubt became my whole life. It's really hard to sleep.

Second guessing puts us into an endless thought process,it kills your mood,energy and positivity.Doubt becomes the main ingredient of your behavior. Trust in yourself,your intuition, and God.Throw those narcs away!

Dr. Ramani thank you so much for explaining the fine points of narcissistic abuse. So many therapies don’t get it and many of these symptoms victims aren’t aware of or can’t even articulate.

I made a choice to put myself first and go out for a walk in the morning with the dog. It’s below 30 degrees but being out in the winter ❄️ sun 🌞 and listening to the bird chirping is a breath of fresh air

You save lives! Don’t ever doubt that. ❤️

This is exactly my mother! I can’t believe that I have been living under a narcissist, I always thought it was me and that something was wrong with me :( This is very eye opening 😳😬. Thank you for this great information!

You're the best out there! Articulate, thorough, gentle and insightful. Your human approach allows one to feel comfortable and never judged. Don't ever doubt yourself!

Never realized that my hesitantcy to make decisions at work was related to this. A true struggle when I forget something. I really appreciate that you pointed out that these struggles are tough for even you. You have a extensive education and still struggle with it just shows how overwhelming it can be. Hard to heal old scars.

"Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures" Thanks Dr. Ramani! Your valuable advices shed light into the dark ruin that my heart is.

My artwork would just disappear or be broken mysteriously. Dr Ramani this is one of the best videos you made!!!! I filed for divorce after almost 20 years. Tough decision but made it.

My narcissistic mother and abusive siblings would label me crazy and said I had mental health issues. They became hostile to me after i rejected a forced marriage. They left me emotionally paralysed and stuck in life. I had very little personal growth in 15 years because what little self esteem I had was slowly stripped away from me until I became isolated and depressed. But I was a high functioning and I was doing well in my career so I didn't realise I was depressed for years. I was full of self doubt and indecision for a long time. Im not even 10% of what I could have been. I compare myself to my peers and what they have achieved. I sometimes have an inferiority complex. I'm trying to overcome my issues focusing on healing and personal development through counselling, retraining as a software developer, taking up interior design and learning to swim.

It's just mindboggling to realize how much self doubt has been implanted in me by narcissists throughout my life. I'm finally learning to really hear those bells when they go off and honour them without guilt for seeing the negative in people. (Please don't doubt your videos....you are the best!)

I bought myself a pair of earrings the other day! They’re kind of expensive but I love them and I wanted them so I bought them. That is a huge change for me.

Oh my goodness. During a first session with a counselor, she commented, "Have you noticed that you say 'I should have' a lot?"

Which is why getting divorced is SO hard; you are going into battle with someone who has turned your brain into a mess.

Thankyou Dr Ramani for this video. I’ve never understood why I’m so full of self doubt, indecision & often self sabotage. Like in your story, the narcissists in my life have fed and capitalized on that indecision and missed out on life enhancing opportunities. In recent years insomnia is a real problem. So is regret. Today’s video made me realize I need to be kinder to myself. It’s not my fault.

I'm in tears while watching this video! You are literally describing my life. Narcissists are so clueless about the turmoil and mental agony they are inflicting on the people closest to them. I'm preparing an exit strategy as we speak. Its been 10 years and I can't take it anymore.

Dr Ramani for President! That 3rd column of the pro/con list is about to be life changing! Thank you!!!

For 20 years the narc never let me do any diy projects around the house. If I tried, I was told I was doing it wrong or was mocked for messing up. Eventually I simply stopped doing anything and became the silent "tool holder" while the narc fixed things. Once she left, I had no idea how to do simple things like change the water filter. So I started watching RU-vid videos and trying things myself. One day I managed to replace an entire sprinkler valve all on my own. That's when I knew I would be just fine. So happy to be free of that toxic filth, but still working through grief and struggling with euphoric recall almost daily.

You are such a fierce warrior, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for your fearless brilliance. You are a gift to so many of us.

Great insights, and I appreciate that you shared your personal experience. I didn't know you were a survivor of narcissistic abuse. It inspires hope that we can all rise above it and come to understand its dynamics and implications masterfully, such as yourself. It's also helpful for my own self-compassion to acknowledge that someone who is equipped to understand and heal from this complex abuse can still wrestle with its effects. This means I don't have to try to be perfectly healed in order to fully live my purpose in helping others heal, and that my value in that is not diminished. A couple other tips for healing the self-doubt which cripples your ability to make decisions: One reason why it becomes hard to make decisions is because narc abuse strips you of your identity and sense of self. Easy ways to start to reclaim yourself: regularly make lists of things you like. Big and small. Then go to the next step and write *why* you like each thing-- this helps to clarify your identity and establish your values within it. Also, start to say no when you mean no. This is the first step of boundaries, which are necessary to have a sense of self. Anything that you can do to establish boundaries-- including inner boundaries-- is going to be a part of successfully making decisions for yourself. | Lastly, meditate on your heartbeat each day, and imagine moving your consciousness into your physical heart, then ask it questions from there. You can ask it for guidance or insights on anything. Don't go looking for the response, just stay present for what arises. What comes through your heart is your true self (your heart is your soul embodied & the convergence of the divine with humanity), and the most important aspect is that when you do this, you will *feel* its truth, and your soul identity within it. When you *feel* something from deep within, there's no doubting it.

I went shopping one day, my ex called saying he was getting off of work early, needed to be picked up. Normally I would have left my cart & gone to get him immediately. I told him I was going to finish up & id be there when I got there. Did he throw a hissy fit? Sure did! But let’s face it .. what else is new? At least I got something out of it for once. Do at least one thing for yourself everyday! Regardless of the consequences follow through on it. Each day you’ll gain a piece of yourself back. Eventually you’ll start to feel whole again

Narcissist train you to doubt yourself so they can control you. I was groomed since childhood to serve the narcissist needs. Go along to get along, is exactly what I did. Now I have finally disconnected from my toxic family so I am learning to trust myself. Going no contact was a really great decision.

I've had narcissist's in my life for most of my life. My girlfriends have been narcissists, many of my friends have been narcissists and my father was an abusive narcissist, it's a long history. The self-doubt has grown as I've gotten older and seems progressive. I read "The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller" a number of years ago, not knowing the significance of what I was reading. My second-guessing, self-doubt and indecision has had a profound affect on my life. Now I see where it comes from and I understand how I stood in my own way via the voices in my head that I inherited from my father and the ensuing relationships I've built. Thank you for the insights. I will be remembering this as I move forward in my life. My biggest decision's lately, to rent my condo or to sell it, to finish my Master's Degree or not... I'm renting and going back to school. I won't quit, until I'm proud....

I used to say to myself "these things dont matter, who cares if you eat stake or pasta for dinner. Who cares if you buy this purse or that one. These are not important things" and then i would chose what the other person wants me to chose. I was raised by a highly toxic narcissistic mom and dysfunctional dad. Today i realize that these things do matter. It is the accumulation of these small choices that put the pieces of the puzzel together which, when done, will be the picture of me, of who i am. If i pick what they want me to pick, that puzzle piece will not be mine. The picture at the end will be a mixed one, a confusing one. I take my time now to go for what I want.

I'm done second guessing myself

This hit home so much it made me cry.

I finally felt safe enough to cry in my own room You have no idea how cathartic and helpful you are. Thank you.

You are an angel to those of us who have suffered. Never stop teaching.

Awww Dr Ramani, we really appreciated the personal note you added in, it really does hit a bit more harder because we must remember you're human, too and have lived life in your own right. Thank you so, so much. I am making smaller decisions and slowly getting my strength back :")

I sold my soul and then erased myself from “me”...

I’ve seen close to 50 og your videos, and this was one of the most poignant for me. Thank you for making me realise that my consistant troubles being true to my gut feeling and decision making ability has not been a result of lazyness or unintellegence, but narcissistic abuse from a parent who never really truly wanted me to be Independent. He would react to this claim, of course, with uncontrollable rage and throw the blame back at me times ten. I am 35 and have recently gone no contact with that parent.

Doctor Ramani if you ever read this please don't doubt how much good you have done for all of us that needed your guidance. I am Thankful for you. God Bless you💖💖💖

Narcissistic abuse robs you in so many different ways you doubt and second guess yourself in so many aspects of your life. I've found that speaking and reassuring myself aloud works a lot and takes away some of the doubt and gives me more confidence

Hang in there Dr Ramani 🧡🧡 I love your work on this channel! My mom asks me why I watch your videos. I tell her it's educational 😊 This morning I pushed myself out of bed early instead lying in and looming over the past. I told myself, 'Today is mine to grab!'. And just like that I was out 🙌

You mentioned shows, if you finally “get” a show you like, they start a fight during it. They make it unbearable. You never go back to that show again, and go back to theirs for peace

“Please understand that they’re not being indecisive bc they’re slow witted or ridiculous.” 😭 really hit home for me. Watching these videos has explained a lot and has helped me feel that I’m not crazy. Thank you for your vulnerability and for also sharing what’s hard for you! I love the exercises you suggest… the idea of that third column is brilliant!

My ex would tell me he knows me and what I’m thinking or doing better than me ...... no think again please!

I brought myself, glasses, today. I usually don't by myself things I need. I usually think about how I can help someone else and forget I need stuff too.

Damn Ramani, if this is you after what Narc Abuse has done to your mind and soul, then I KNOW that anything IS possible because you are a beautiful (inside and out), intelligent, intuitive, empathetic, transparent, wise, courageous, persistent, highly capable and caring human being, and this world is so much a better place because you exist in it. Your ability to translate this highly complex and critical subject into cogent and relatable tools is creating a tsunami of awakening and positive growth. I am so grateful that you woke up and are helping us do the same!

OH MY!!!! I can so relate to being that "sad additional occupant" in my own home..... I've often said that he "lets me live in his house".... I'm learning so much here. Thank you.

This is so timely. I see myself in everything you talk about here, regarding coming from a narcissistic family. And that is so sad to me. A choice I made and feel good about is starting therapy. I made that choice all by myself, with no help from anyone. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this video.🦋

I remember as a kid my mother routinely asked me to choose between two options for her, constantly. It was about which outfit she should wear, or which tablecloth she should buy, or what food items she should buy, etc. and without fail everything I chose she would shrug and discard that item or choice and pick the other one. So I would sometimes choose the opposite one to what I thought she wanted me to choose and yep she still discarded my choice and picked the opposite. When I became an adult I never wanted to choose things like where to eat, what to cook, even what to wear. I would seek approval for everything from her and eventually from my (now ex)parter. My ex noticed this in me and often criticised me for not wanting to choose things for us and always deferred to him. He said it was because I had no soul. But when I did try to choose he would heavily criticise the choice and if the slightest thing went wrong with it he would go on and on about it as if it was the worst thing in the world. Until I started watching this channel and reading about these kind of relationships I always accepted this as slightly unfair but an acceptable way to be treated by others. But it’s not! And it damages your sense of trust in yourself and your identity as an individual. It sabotages you and creates this awful habit of self sabotage. I fight it everyday in myself. Literally everyday. It’s slowly getting better.

Wish I had seen these 31 years ago. Still second guessing my gut feelings.

Dear Dr. Ramani, please don't doubt yourself. Your videos help me so much, I cannot thank you enough for you sharing all this knowledge and examples in such an understandable, concise, and compassionate way. Please keep on doing your great work. It is appreciated and valued! Thank you.

Dear one Don’t allow fear to be the reason you don’t risk making your dreams come true. Every mind fears the unknown but not every mind knows fear can be trumped

Oh boy. I hear my mother's voice. "Oh well, you'll always do what you want to anyway." A shoulder shrug and sniff. It's been incredibly hard to accept that I've lived with this all my life. It's led to some of the worst decisions in my life because in the end I was just running from the manipulation and endless scrutiny. Right into trouble. Terrible cycle.

"54 years old and i'm still not past this one." This had to be the most powerful statement.. This woman is truly such an inspiration with such unwavering strength that she's someone you would never dream of ever being susceptible to narcissistic abuse, and yet she's a survivor with struggles just like all of us, and she understands. To me, this tells me that just because we have been victims doesn't mean that we weren't, aren't, or can't be strong. It means that we are strong and have been all along. I love this woman to my core for the values she has reignited within me and for reminding me of my own self-worth. Our vulnerability is our strength, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We can and will get through this, and we can and we will heal. It's what we do, we're survivors.

I feel extremely happy when someone asks me of my opinion ...what kind of things I like, kind of movies I like, what kind of qualities I find attractive in someone, all these little things feels alienied and different when asked. I feel extremely happy to voice out my true self. :)

I am an empath that just can't hurt someone or think my choices can hurt another because I ruminate and drive myself insane. Thank you Dr. Ramani for being so human and sharing your personal experience. This has given me the opportunity to breathe out. Self-doubt plagues me. It is a relief to know others especially someone I have learned so much from having this same issue. I can choose to take care of myself even if this choice hurts another.

My recent long term experience in a narcissistic relationship imparted a sense to me that the self-doubt and indecision in the relationship was the consequence of narcissistic projection, their inner self-doubt and indecision was camouflaged as gaslighting to make you believe the source of the doubt and indecision was within you.

Some narcissist don’t even tell you they just make you feel that way

Having been accused of being a narcissist and doing a deep dive into the traits, because I was horrified that among my other problems I could possibly be a narcissist, I learned I am actually the victim of a projecting narcissist who claims victimhood. This video hit home hard, since I spent a decade not being able to make even the simplest decision, and being ridiculed for my indecisiveness. I'm in my own apartment, and it's rough, but I'm enjoying deciding what to put where and knowing I'm free to make that choice. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your service to us who are struggling and hurting. And, by the way, I'm a couple years older than you and have a long way yet to go.

My heart hurts seeing this for many reasons. It speaks to everything I feel. I am also saddened too because I can clearly see Dr Ramani becoming somewhat emotional talking about her own challenges with still grappling with this after effect. You are not alone Dr Ramani as you know. We are all survivors even though we are still challenged by this.

A choice I recently made is I bought new shower curtains and rugs for my bathroom. I picked what I wanted but after watching this video I realize that in a way I did think of whether or not my ex would like it or not even though he doesn’t live here. I even kept the tags on at first because I wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision BUT I pulled them off because guess what? I like it regardless if anyone else does. Thanks for another great video.

I used to get yelled at if I bought the wrong item at the grocery store .. "I should of know better than to think you a man could actually buy what I told you to" I would take a pic and check to make sure I got the right thing .. then she got mad because I did that. After i left i had a major breakdown in the grocery store .. I couldn't decide on one item to get for dinner and walked out...🥺

Dr. Ramani; don’t doubt yourself. You are making an enormous impact. I’ve listened to you for years; you are making a powerful impact on my life. Thank You

This becomes a dark period of your life you have to rise above spiritually even though it continues and pray for the escape hatch to come.

It can be a truly debilitating thing to second guess yourself. You question every move you make and even question that when people give you a compliment that it’s honest and true. I’ve dealt with constantly wondering if I was being made fun of as I suffered from that with the people with narcissistic traits in my life. If can make you feel like you have to wear armor at all times. The reality though is that many of these people are emotionally developed and have never dealt with their own trauma. My mantra is to realize I can only control myself and my actions and not to take things personally. Those two tips have truly helped me getting past my own doubts and to realize that my decisions are my own and the judgement of others doesn’t really matter (particularly if I’m the only one affected).

The gradual degradation of myself was absolutely remarkable. By the 11 year mark, I was only a shell of the woman I once was. I left everything for one year. I took a job out of State, where I didn't know anyone. I had a year to really look at things from outside the spell of my ex, who was diagnosed with NPD. This was the best experience I have had in my life. It prepared me for the final brutal discard. I am slowly becoming the woman I once was, with a magnificent learning experience about narcissists on my resume now! ❤

“you go along to get along” damn

Dr Ramani, thank you so much for sharing your own experience! You are such a great teacher and motivator, helping thousands of us survivors of narcissistic abuse -- absolutely NO DOUBT about it!!!

Thanks as always; Dr. Ramani.. You are much appreciated. I had a "flashback." if you will, this morning about my mom the narc. In the 3rd grade, so around age 9, i recollect getting my report card, which had all A's and B's, but I noticed, at the bottom of the report card, the teacher requested a parent-teacher conference. I remember that scared me, I wondered why she wanted to talk to my mom. Later, maybe 15 years later or so, that teacher came up in conversation randomly one day. I asked her, alas, what that event was all about. As she angrily explained, and excuses away the teacher's craziness, but what it was, the teacher totally had my mom's number on being a narc! She told my mother that the reason I was so shy and hesitant, was bc of how controlling and angry she came across.My mom was also a "room mother." The teacher suggested she pull herself away. The teacher wanted to see less of my mom, and more of me being able to grow, with confidence, and make my own decisions. In hindsight I'm amazed a third person observed the dynamic and called her out. ;)

OMG in the last 9yrs I've really 2nd guessed myself, doubted myself, and have been so indecisive. I never used to be like this. I feel dysfunctional and it affects everything.

After 20 years of marriage, I decided to get a divorce. I see now that he's been gaslighting me for years. It was my college-aged daughter that pointed it out to me. I thought I would try to stay because I knew my kids' relationship with their dad was important. But my kids are now old enough to see his true colors that I feel confident I am doing the right thing for them. He is not healthy in many aspects - emotionally, physically, spiritually. He will not change until he hits rock bottom and life is too short to wait around for that. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting into words and validating what I've felt for years. It's going to a slow climb but I feel stronger now and hope my kids learn to be healthier individuals.

Dr Ramani I was just thinking about myself and this issue a couple of days ago. Trying to find the words to explain I can no longer collapse reality down to a single possibility. I see things in several different perspectives and don’t fully trust myself to pick which one is real. I think maybe I came out of childhood doubtful and it’s just got worse as time goes on, I’ve dealt with so many narcissistic people in my life, before I knew it existed and when I thought it must be something about me that makes (a certain type of) people treat me so awfully. Pity it took me so long to work it out ( half a lifetime 🥴). I still some issues, really find it difficult to hold my ground around narcissistic people, but honestly, I am so grateful for you and others who have the courage to come on RU-vid and validate our experiences. You have set me free from a lifetime of living in hell. Thank you so much 😘😘

Thank you for sharing your story. After thirty years of survival with an abusive narcissistic partner, I left. I began to realize that even though I was devalued constantly, I was the responsible parent, breadwinner, etc. I thought I couldn’t do it alone until a good therapist told me I had been doing it alone all along while under the worst of circumstances. Taking baby steps to trust your own decisions has led me to a place of self confidence. I can set boundaries now without regret. When the abuser tries his old game on me I don’t allow it to affect me like I once did, I disconnect and don’t respond and remind myself that I am no longer the person he made me out to be, I don’t live under his rules any longer. It’s good to be free and trust myself. Thank you for your affirming words. I find great strength in your empowering words.

All of the information in this video makes perfect sense. Narcissism is so toxic that if I were to cut someone slack concerning a narcissistic act done towards me while they are going through lots means I would be called an enabler who is willing to sacrifice my own principles and morals just this one time too. The most slippery kind of slope for anyone to be on. I'm determined to not go along with walking on that slippery slope ever again after it ended up almost killing me a few times.

Making choices in video games has helped me a lot because there's no real-world consequences

I can see her tears and now my own ones

I definitely know self doubt caused by narcissistic abuse....a recent decision I made that I am proud of is when I decided to break away from the narcissists in my life and am choosing instead to respect what I want and honor my spirit.....I really feel good about this decision and where I’m going!😊

That's the thing,I never gave up on myself to please them, I didn't want to please them. But I still delt incredibly guilty and doubt my decision not to listen to them. I struggle immensly with self-doubt.

It doesn’t matter how much I try to be a good person, how high I have achieved, how much work I put it, I still can get plagued and paralysed by self doubt. It’s always me that has to make the first move in these relationships so that it is presumed I am the bad one! Yes my many faults are the same as the next person but it’s the inability to fix the toxicity. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your vulnerabilities so that we can relate to you and not feel so alone.

THIS!!! I have always doubted myself, I remember growing up and being told that I was too sensitive. Now I'm married and have just relegated to myself that my husband knows more about parenting than I do, although I have a degree in elementary education and was a successful teacher for years. It's just not worth it to me to have the conversations that go in circles, because he knows all. Thank you for this!!!

I chose to move on and buy my first house all by myself and move 700 miles away and now narc is trying to Hoover again.

I like that you talk about narcissism in more areas than just romantic relationships. It has helped me sort out many family issues very quickly not only about things that happened to me in the past and current situations, it’s also helped me see unhealthy things I do to that I was taught from my family. I’d say I’m much more of an empath but also have some tendencies of a narcissist. I see many areas I can clean up bad habits for both accepting abuse and at times giving it. Always trying to improve 😃

"Sad additional occupant of her own home." That's me throughout all of my childhood...Thank you Dr. Ramani for making confusing things so clear

A few weeks after breaking up with my likely narc, I went to a garden store with the intention of making a planter pot. There were so many plants to choose from it was overwhelming. I ended up only being able to decide on the actual pot that day. A week later I went back and was able to decide what plants to put into the pot. After watching this video, I am realising just how riddled with self-doubt I was. I find my planter pot experience a helpful insight into my growth along this process of recovery.

I think we have been gaslighted more or less throughout our life

Dr.Ramani, you are AWESOME. Warm, intelligent, clear, humor-full, authentic/natural, honest, and in my humble opinion the best of all the Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery specialist on You Tube. You are easy to love. Thank you for being you.

At 63, I am living alone for the first time in my life, and it is life-changing. I can hardly believe the freedom of making decisions like what to eat, when to eat, what to hang on the walls. I never realized how few decisions I'd made for myself in my life. I'd been like a child, kept in line by a narcissistic mother, then husband. Not easy, made some bad mistakes, but I'm getting smarter and life is good.

I made a bunch of choices....the first one was to change my life and remove her from my life and pursue my happiness. My second biggest choice was to get help. I found a great therapist to assist me through the parental alienation and the depression. Now I am recovering every day. I reopened my company, found a new job and I have reunited with my son. My daughter is next. So, don't doubt yourself, follow your instincts.....follow your happiness.

Know the drill !!! Wasted lifetime....72 and surrounded by yet another one from this childhood...and I wonder where the depression comes from!!

Who puts thumps down to this video? Those not liking to hear the truth!? I guess so... PLEASE keep making this videos to us that need to know so we can learn to protect ourselves!!! And yes, we all make mistakes but the difference lies in your ATTITUDE!

I used to feel guilt when staying at my parents' house too much. My Father is disabled. I felt guilt going to look after my disabled father. That is how malignant things can get. When the n-ex doesnt get their supply, they don't care how you feel. Edit: I used to sigh relief when she would go on holiday with someone else (she used to always want me to come with her and book holidays without my consent) and I used to feel FREE. Despite her continually messaging me and wanting to know what I was doing. I could go see my friends without fear, I could breathe. I used to dread her coming back. Edit - i lost all will to follow through with Photography, self doubt when it comes to practicing Optometry, lost my passion for music. Wrote things off before even starting. The mantra ''Go along to get along'' is the most accurate thing I've heard. This also related to sex in the relationship. But she then grabbed that and twisted it saying I was accusing her of rape and sexual abuse when I tried explaining that I felt the need to go along to avoid a rage fit or outburst or strop from her. Im finding it super hard going cold turkey and stopping all contact because of the grief part of things. But even after just a week of no contact I feel less frustrated and more like I CAN do something with my life. She would blame my parents situation and my dads disability for my low mood and lack of motivation. Little does she know that it mostly stems from her abuse. Thank you for your videos doc.