Dr Ramani: How To Cope In A Relationship With A NARCISSIST! |  

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

Once you start to lose your sense of self, your identity, you know you’re in a toxic relationship.

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

2:56 definition 6:32 NPD 8:21 grandiose 9:10 how to identify 10:52 giving framework 12:45 patterns 22:23 family 23:59 narc parent 26:44 shamed 27:59 shame 2 30:58 signs of narc parent 33:37 35:00 controlling 39:22 psychologically safe 40:37 making mistakes 41:58 mistakes w/ parents 43:10 rage 43:53 passive aggressive 44:24 they blame you 49:51 feeling bad 53:42 boundaries 59:34 grief 1:03:46 healing 1:07:34 reflect on the patterns

Dr.Ramani’s tone of voice is so soothing to my nervous system. I want to hug her and thank her for shedding light on my pain.

Highly recommend getting Dr Ramani's new book on Audible, it's narrated by her and feels so validating and therapeutic to listen to!

Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

OR you go silent because an overt malignant narcissist scares you half to death while he’s driving 80 mph on a major highway and then punches the windshield on passenger side where you sitting. Just listened to you where you mentioned shutting down. That happened to me when I married to my narc ex-husband.

The most powerful line I just heard recently was "you are the only one who can save you". That hit me hard. I am taking me back. ..I was on my last leg and I grew tired and stopped caring or trying as i also have a disability. I am over 40 yrs into this, both my mental & physical health is almost depleated. Dr. Ramani, you've saved me just in time. Thank you. My eyes see, my ears hear ..im in the know❤ wheewew, thank goodness it's not me.

I literally started clapping in my car when she said two things to keep a narcissist happy given in on everything and read their mind… 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I wonder how many people that walk around accusing others of being narcissists are actually narcissists themselves too. Seems like a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. I know it exists but at the same time I hope we aren’t just pathologizing people in our lives without being self aware of what our deficiencies are as well. I feel so many people are so quick to judge others without once looking about themselves.

Good video. My dad is a malignant narcissist. He threathened to kill me many times during my upbringing. He was always angry and agressive like that. I am now tryng to educate myself on this trait and diagnosis as much as I can. Thanks.

Yes I agree 💯 pay attention to how you feel after an interaction

Narcs are scum of the earth. If you ended up on this channel about your spouse or gf or bf then please take a few notes and if you end up feeling invalidated (for example) for the second or third or fourth time and end up searching it on google then that should be enough to make you leave them because I'm telling you from my crazy, sad, first hand experience that your gut feeling is right (especially if you are an empath or kind person who has tolerated so much)

My body wants to feel peace and happiness..so I am choosing me..I am choosing my body.

22:09 that is the reason I never let myself believe the first impression of anyone, and make a good analyzation and judgement after going through few different situations, that when you have a much more accurate understanding what kinda person they are. A narcissist or not

Narcissism increasing with the collapse of joint families, hierarchies with generations living together.definion of morals changed. Social boundaries are being crossed easily. Last 2 decades there is exaggerated focus on self worth, individuality, self love, self identity, success. Nuclear families, broken families are raising more narcissists. Definition of ideal relationships are throwing egoistic people into narcissist category

Yes, so true, the silent treatment is so toxic .. this has given me panic for no reason for decades. i have learnt to dismantle this treatment by using greyrock but still it hurts badly on the inside and i'm still learning to work with this pain and not letting this toxicity harm me even further 😢. Still a work in progress. Thanks so much for this episode.❤

I would have an experience where my partner was rude to me and they retold the story, to me, and would leave out the part they did or apologize for a part of it and then..project!-speaking to me in a condescending tone to "school " me on my self sabotage. It's such a mind f*ck. When we are around people they become super nice and attentive to them, while ignoring or snapping at me..then when i become quiet..i become the problem. It's so disheartening and abusive. I feel like i am always walking on eggshells. Thank you for validating me. Luckily, i can leave.and will - especially knowing that they don't change.

Crazy how these ppl want to control your life .. and their the most toxic out of control person in your life 😵‍💫

the silent treatment does create panic - i was raised by a disabled narcissistic mother, her disability is being deaf and the silence has been traumatic to say the least

Dr Ramani's presence exudes such a groundedness and beautiful intelligence 💫

Then the court system forces you to have to deal with them. Even after you leave and have a restraining order. The court system causes you to defend yourself while forcing you into a victim position while they are claiming to the court THEY are the victim.

I deserve a better biological father than the one I have! No-contact with him is working!

Excellent discussion. The narcissistic behavior is so so well broken down to rule out other types of behavior. I have started keeping my boundaries more because even for my success someone wants to control my happiness or put limits on my capabilities. Like you deserve more or you shld get a bigger raise or you are only a secondary earner whereas my success makes his life easier. So i don't give him the satisfaction of sharing my success and happiness. By doing so i have become more ambitious. I became a doormat just to avoid conflicts but like Dr. Ramani said I've started getting angry and grieve for the last 27years I wasted. And the other person's delusions about who you are become stronger by your submission. They cannot comprehend that they are getting their way not because of love but out of fear of conflict. Thank you Shivani👍

When I had to testify in court, the judge told my two opponents (one of them my sister) that they both should stop picking fights and creating drama 😂 I always remember that sentence fondly 😊

Brilliant episode, I’m half way through and so grateful for Dr Ramani, I have been watching her videos for years. Her content helped me through the most difficult times of my life. Thank you for all that you do Dr Ramani, and thank you for having such a great guest on your show Shivani.

Dr Ramani is such a bad ass!!! You watch her stuff and it all begins to make sense.

I have found all your books, videos and resources, informative, validating, life-changing/saving. Thank you. I find healing to come in stages, cycles, like grief. I have been unbelievably hard on me (destructive), to try to please parents, family, in-laws, boyfriends, friends, bosses all who didn't deserve...grieving this. Looking back is painful.

The double standard. The lies. The feeling like you’re not enough. The paradox is even though I’m writing this with tears I will get stronger then ever. Mentally and physical. Please you are enough!

Many thanks Dr. Ramani and Shivani, can we please have more of this it's so insightful, isn't it🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

I love how she's not trying to label anyone but is creating a space for conversations like this to be had, and sort of as prophylactic when making encounters especially with narcissist on the dangerous aspect of the spectrum.... Learnt alot form this podcast ❤❤ Thank you Dr Ramani

Super proud of the trajectory of this podcast Shivani! Loving the recent guests you’ve had on 🫶🏽🫶🏽👌🏽👌🏽

This interview was excellent!.. i absolutely love the questions you asked - there were so many that I’ve wanted to ask Dr Ramani myself! 😂… and Dr Ramani’s responses were awesome!.. She’s so thorough and her examples are so good!!

What a divine Goddess Dr Ramani is for doing so much research anf saving so many of us ❤❤❤

Thats exactly what my mom says 46:32 when shes angry with me and giving me silent treatment for days ! Last time it happened, i (29f) didnt brush my hair when she told me to. 3 days from then i was supposed to move to another country. A day before leaving i asked if shes going to speak w me before i go and that its silly not to speak bc of hair, she said "if you think its about hair, youre the problem! I wont speak with someone who doesnt care about me and disrespects me " ...and she didnt. She's witholding her love, energy and time as a means of punishment and it truly breaks my heart..

I'm probably bad, but I literally jump up and down in gleeful joy, purposely in front of them, when he's given me the silent treatment. Ohh, the look I get. Hahaha 😅

Even talking about the weather goes from me agreeing with what he said a few minutes beforehand that it’s a beautiful sunny day and him as the gaslighting narcissist saying “really? You think it’s nice out? It’s pretty cloudy”

Super episode!🎉❤

The most insightful podcast I've ever come across! Being a victim of narcissistic abuse myself several times, Dr Ramani really helps us shift the blame away from ourselves and focus on the toxic patterns in our relationships instead!

It is so true! My ex-husband loved to talk about himself and his interests from the first date! So to the last day I just asked him "how is he doing etc." and could walk with him silently for hours just shacking my head and adding "ugu" from time to time and think about my own stuff - he could speak non-stop and didn't like any interruption! Just like a radio!

Great content! Thank you Dr. Ramani for bringing light & awareness to many, that have lived in darkness for a long time. After watching one of your interviews with an Attorney, I was able to make a decision that wrapped up the case quickly; than allowing the attorneys to take us through the long haul that was causing me to be riddled with anxiety. Thank you Shivani for having Dr. Ramani on your Podcast. I do have a request. Is there a way that we can have another interview with tips from Dr. Ramani that highlights co-parenting with the narc without painting a bad picture to the children and how to teach the children healthy coping skills?

Excellent questions asked. The questions really help pin point differences. I give the silent treatment often. Because I don’t want to argue angry.

Yep. Expected to be a mind reader when it's really their responsibility as well as no asking to do something. "Not taking an initiative to do",,, Have always told him he sets people up to fail by not giving pertinent information until after you could have used the information or when done with a task "you should have known that information",,,

It’s the 10 thousand things! Yep!

Love your feedback and your own short experiences during the talk!! Love your accent by the way❤️

😢😢😢I keep going from one narc after another to the point where I don’t like myself and I feel it’s my fault

God is good … He bless us with you Dr Romani.. I’m grateful to God the Father in Heaven of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for all your hard work and understanding and knowledge and insight.

not able to connect to parents is painful and alienating, and not about children feeling ashamed, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Children feel a lot of pain, confusion and unanswered questions, but not shame. Though, the parents do feel shame (narcdom is all about shame because they keep getting things wrong) and narc parents do try to project that onto their children.

Hi Dr Ramani, I’ve been studying your content for just over a year off and on.. normally when I’m feeling confused, hurt and angry. Thank you for your dedication to this cause! I feel like I have at times been in a narc cult and trying to find a balance between not focusing to much on narc that I’m now manifesting it and picking battles wisely and also overcoming myself regularly as I can only change myself. I watched a great film on this subject called *Darlings.. very gripping from start to finish with a truthful and humorous take, if that’s possible but this film had it all! 🙏 x

Realizing he and his mom are narcissists, yikes no wonder at least I got my closure, and respect myself enough to stay away.

1:05:49 I like the analogy of the story of Cinderella without the prince. You will realize that the pumpkin didn't turn into a carriage. 😉

Thank you so much! Really needed this clarity

Would be nice to have time stamps

Im studying 📖 this at the moment my ex partner was with narcissist for 20 years 😢 i want to be there for her and support her Counseling aswell

Thank you so much for this episode 💗💗

The narcissistic parent will always criticize you no matter what decision make, whether you stay or leave. They'll call you names they'll complain to other people about you, yada, yada. There's no way of winning.

'globally' yes! Belgium here, she is such an amazing lady

There's only one way to do something. Their way. LOL

my EX boy friend actually got jealous, really riled, at Other People's birthday Parties!!

my wife was secretly engaged in a romantic relationship with another man. Our conversation ended up with me apologizing how my 'mistreating her' made her cheat on me.

Please pray for me from Christy Florence lunsford flo lunsford

What are the processes of parenting that produce a narcissistic adult - ie you talk a lot about narcisisstic parents but what when you have a narcissistic child ? Children cannot be narcissistic because they dont self-manage but when tantrums continue into adulthood ? Is it genetic?

Dr Ramani

Help, my Narco experiencies were terrible but none were extroverts and very complimentary. I was more. They were quiet, charming and very amiable in public but chose me to abuse and bully in the house. No witnesses :( Thank you ffor a great interview in the subject with such an expert like Dr Ramani ❤❤

I have neither relationship with a Narc’s 1:33

Oh my!! My 2 favs

That contrast moment is 😢

You haven't talked of another aspect: being parasitic and a bully. They raise in their careers because they always find someone to do their job and get the laurels themselves and some of them even bully competitors. In this case, they bury the people that really merit to be in that post. Later as bosses, they are entitled, they bully or fire those who tell them "that cannot be done", "there are problems", those that being responsible give them a reality check. They hire other people, they keep those that do the job and do not disagree. A good example of the consequences is Stockton Rush.

Well it’s time for these women to change and not to victimise themselves. Narcs are predators but I want to believe that women also are not stupid.

Anyone here realising they might be narcissistic? Not to the point of disorder but as a personality style Because unfortunately I recognised myself in this description (I’m a woman) I sort of new that before but now I feel like I can’t really deny it That’s why I’m not getting into relationships and I’m never having children. I know I’m incapable of building healthy connections with people. I’m not very empathetic but I’m empathetic enough to not want to hurt anyone And the scariest thing about it all is that I’ve noticed that people who buy into “charm” and “charisma” I appear to have are very vulnerable immature people who should be cared for. Who need actual compassion

If someone is an arsehole doesn’t make them a narcissist. Some narcissists aren’t even overtly mean as they just want narcissist supply and do whatever it takes to get it. If that means dumping u for new supply so be it but they don’t have to be so called abusive as people think the abuser is a narcissist and it couldn’t be further from the truth

I in no way believe narcs are only 10% of the population!😂 that would be a dream..studies can't read the population..i've honed my skills

I am 60 yr old female identifying she/her I met my 1st couple one in transition other is gay female. While watching this person transition I have become very aware how bad the gay person treats her partner. Ignoring him, then love bombing, then scolding him in public Then ignoring him again. Strange how the dominant female is very good at speaking. And she has an ability to capture attention. She also seems to try and uplift me to a level I am not comfortable with, with over complimenting or exaggerating my accomplishments in public place. It makes me feel uneasy. I feel like she is trying to handle me. I will ask her to stop. Just an interesting dynamic.

32:36 that was me since before elementary school

Why isn’t there talk about being in love with this person? I know I’m with a narcissist but I can’t leave him. I love him so much, he is my best friend. I can’t see my life without him. 😔 isn’t there any hope for them at all???

They are orchestrater's

I recognize you may or may not be a therapist

What😢if you are married to a vulnerable narcissist?

Is Poppy’s grandma Filipina? 😀

Bit of constructive feedback, take it and apply it if you feel guided to. Dr. Ramani is highly educated & experienced. Most of us are here to learn from her, not you. You are simply a moderator. Let your guest speak, uninterrupted. I kept getting the feeling through this episode that you were speaking OVER her & trying to perhaps educate or enlighten her on certain topics that came up. I've watched dozens of her interviews & the hosts are always very receptive and mindful while she's speaking. Not trying to jump in and teach the little that they "think" they know. Please work on your interviewing skills. The frequent "Yes!" ..."Right!", etc. that you keep exclaiming while she's teaching the audience are simply distractions. You can nod and provide nonverbal feedback, but you don't need to be heard every 15 seconds. Let her finish her thought & THEN ask your follow up questions. Keep your anecdotal experiences to a minimum.

yep half indian. both parents narcs

Oh no, not another one of these videos about narcissists from this woman. I've asked her before to try also to think about a video that might actually help those with narcissistic traits so that they can help themselves. But no, she only wants to demonise them. That's what gets views, right? Narcissists are not happy people. And remember that if you had a narcissistic parent chances are that you have developed such traits and will be needing help to change.

I've never met a narcissist who's perfectionist, they tend to be pretty sloppy, careless, negligent, lazy and entitled, but I have met many abuse victims who were perfectionists who tried to accommodate the narcissistic parent/partner with their perfectionism and avoid their rage. Dr. Ramani is often using the wrong terms and associations which end up demonizing abuse victims. She should stick with grandiosity when she describes narcissists, because that's more accurate.

Do these narcissistic experts ever tire of talking about the same shit???

Shivani, this is your first podcast I came across, and it is the best podcast I have listened someone have with Dr Ramani. She is truly an outstanding expert, but you asked the best questions, straight to the point and exactly what people dealing with narcissists need to know. Well done, I am a subsricer from no till the end of time 🫶

Them wild horses

There are no narcissists. Just women who don’t love themselves enough.

Why do they look mad?

حلم 💭 حلم 💭 حلم 💭 حلم 💭 حلم 💭 حلم 💭

I know better to take the bait lol

Thanks dr ramani , sorry, but im not liking this interviewer much and she reminds me of lisa beaulei too much

Use mirror and u will see one 🤣🤣 Big eyes

Omg the ass kissing… 😩 this is a carbon copy of many of the interviews dr Armani has ALREADY done. What is the point of another repetitive interview

Even if all this stuff were true. Is completely irrelevant !!!