Its probably just a cover up. Reading between the lines it seems that Kate had a fling with somebody and it got super serious hence the break up with OP, but the guy didnt wanna commit so Kate came back crying to OP.
@motivatedman4630 Ong. I see so many cold, heartless incels on these types of videos even when it comes to people who just genuinely made a mistake and had no ill intent. It's honestly repulsive what the current society has become because of the actions of vile people out there, in turn ruining the reputation of women. Now everybody keeps assuming that EVERY woman will just cheat on them. Actual incels.
"You made the choice to listen to people who aren't even in relationships. I was just about to propose to you. Thank you for the last five years. Goodbye."
The coworkers are definitely basing things on looks. She must be very good looking and him not. They're salon workers, they're not gonna base things on objectively important things. Its about appearance
dude, if her co-workers can convince her to do things like that, imagine what happens if you were to marry her? they would convince her to cheat constantly and pin someone else's kid on you. do NOT take her back. you don't owe her anything and should not bother with her ever again. also look into dealing with low self-esteem since you think she was out of your league
You are actually out of her league 😂, she went to cosmetology school, You went to college, and have a future, she's a cosmetologist, and her friends influenced her to dump you way too easy. Take your firsts with her, be happy, now run.
Her sin wasn't too big. If she gets to fix that she seems like she will make a decent wife. It seems like she wasn't even committed to the coworkers manipulation, she was just confused. That shows me she can work that problem out.
@@danielespitia1776 people make mistakes and her's wasn't bad like cheating or physical abuse. She showed remorse too , accepted her mistake, no gaaslighting. She cn change and second chance should be given.
Same for me except one guy I worked with in high school, but he turned out to be my best friend. I've been working 19 years and I've made one true life long friend at work.
For OP's sake I really hope that immature and insecure of a woman understands what kind of a gem she has in her possession. Because if not, she's going to make 2 people's lives really miserable by destroying not only hers, but also OP's. I have given 1 woman in the past a second chance and it didn't end up going too well. She just showed me pretty quickly why it wasn't worth it and I ended it quickly after that.
@@sailor5853 Second chances in the context of relationships are odten coinflips. No one owes you that and you owe no one that. For small mistakes that ain't that bad to do. But if you gf outright dumps you cuz you're "out of her league" in the context presented there's 2 massive red flags. That implies she cares more about what people offer rather than the kind of person they are and the connection itself, and secondly, se is easly manipulated by her colleagues instead of also thinking for herself. If she dumps you for meassuring you as being out of her league, if you marry her, at the friends instructions, the same way she would dump you, she would also cheat on you and make both of your lives miserable. If you blindly give her a second chance in such a situation then you deserve it.
@@sailor5853 That is a very unhealthy approach to take in relationships, especially because everyone's "deal breakers" vary on a scale between petty and justified. Individual A may give Individual B multiple chances due to disliking how they clean, cook, dress, or take care of themselves, but Individual B isn't exactly obliged to give more than one chance if they dump A over the first time they hit them. Also, if you dump someone what does it matter if you gave them a bunch of "chances" and then realized your standards were unreasonably high and the real point of conflict. Why do you deserve a second chance just because before you were giving them chances to meet your unreasonable standards?
Any man that understands that you can't break a pinky promiss with a kid is gold. He's a GOOD man. Deep down, she thinks she CAN do better. She is wrong.
Kate said setting boundaries only worked for a day. That's the thing. You have to continuously enforce your boundaries. If they try to push after a day, you change the subject, refuse to engage or walk away. If they still won't stop, talk to HR. If that doesn't work, you might have to change jobs. Kate had options. She was either lazy or she secretly agrees with them. Her excuse of "I don't know why I did it." is flimsy at best. Kate knows why she did it. She's just scared because OP enforced his boundaries and now she has to deal with consequences.
Yeah... Anyone who says they "don't know" why they did "xyz" is lying or so detached from reality that you shouldn't associate with them in the first place
To get anywhere in adult life, you have to COMMIT! STICK to your choice and live with the consequences. She's a combination of weak and immature. Personally, I would have moved on.
Exactly, why did you let her be with you? You are out of her reach, she needs to understand the consequences of her actions deeply, not take any advice from another woman, maybe take an advice from your own mother! She has good advices maybe, but, why COWORKERS?! NOT YOUR OWN MOTHER?! I realized that Kate goes to cosmetology school, so stay away from her!
Just seemed like a cover up to me. Reading between the lines i think Kate had a fling, and it got super serious hence the break up but the guy didnt wanna commit to Kate so she went back to OP crying.
First I hope this dude recovers well. Second I feel for him as to be brutally honest what probably happened here is this. She is a solid 8 in looks, and is young and worked around a bunch of people that saw pictures of her boyfriend and thought "What he hell is she doing with him". He is probably a 5 or at best a 6. So for 8 hours a day they would talk to her about what type of guy she "could" get and make fun of him. To think that this would not have an impact on a person is laughable. Now the good news is that this actually happened BEFORE marriage. So my advice to this guy after he heals? Have that conversation with her about how she will forever deal with dudes hitting on her, and coworkers in the future hitting on her and telling her she can do better. If/when they got married, they will have hard times. Marriage is not at all easy and if she vents to coworkers, and they are male and single, those dudes will want to say and do anything to sleep with her. Next advice is this for the man. Hit the gym, every day. Get super fit and eat right. Continue to work hard and make something of yourself.
Honestly I've never understood how other guys are so blinded by lust to sleep with ppl in relationships willingly. Like I get it if someone acts single and ydk so you hook up, but the whole going after someone you know is cuffed has always confounded me
Her story about her coworkers were pressuring her to breakup with him doesn’t make sense. She’s saying that to deflect any accountability. She thought she could do better, cheated on him and only regretted it when she got dumped. And now the poor guy had health problems and is not in a position to understand what’s going on.
Yup thats what i got from reading this too. She had a fling and it got super serious hence the break up but the guy didnt wanna commit so Kate went back to OP crying.
She didn’t cheat on him and she also didn’t get dumped. He was able to make decisions for a long time before the cancer limited his ability. Read or listen to it again before you spout more nonsense
"Her story about her coworkers were pressuring her to breakup with him doesn’t make sense" Elaborate how. She was in women excusive collective, such envirovment is not prone to change or rationality(same with male only groups), and if you're there, you either accomodate their views or become their scapegoat. And neither choice should be judged. The only thing that should be is that she didn't leave it when they started yapping about her bf being outta her league. But she's pretty insecure and, consequentially, vulnerable to other people's opinions.
Op has two degrees, he has a good job it seems if he can afford a ring like he described (might be wrong tho) and he thinks he is out of his exs league, a woman who works at a saloon? I am not convinced that her co-workers pushed her to cheat, there is more to unpack on her side.
It certainly wasnt on those factors her salon "friends" tried to convince her. She definitely showed them photos and they absolutely obliterated him with criticism. And she bought it. Where OP messed up is not laying down his OWN boundaries the moment she commented that league nonsense.
This may sound weird but the fact you didn't respond to her break up and went no contact is the main reason she immediately regretted her words. If you would have reacted in an emotional way and started begging her not to do this, you would have reinforced the idea in her head that you are out of her league and can do better. The dark truth is by nature a woman always want the best options when it comes to a mate and sometimes do stupid things to make sure her partner is the best she can do. One common test is seeing how you'd react to certain things she say or do.
@@Kugatsu009 Not all, but enough for it to matter. Some people can't get past their own base instincts and it makes them do dumb, horrible things they later regret. Some can and get to live a life they can be proud of.
The thing is: People learn from their mistakes. She should use this lesson to grow more emotionally mature. As long as she didn't cross a certain line, there's still hope. Many people have some failure in the past that we vowed to never repeat. These are our greatest and most painful lessons.
Correction: you learn from the pain that is inflicted upon you, if a mistake doesn’t emotionally, mentally, or physically harm you, chances are you will not learn, that’s just how people are
The first story resonates with me. My ex's friend would say similar stuff. Things like, "you look way better than he does." "He doesnt make enough money for how you look."(we worked at the same place) after a lot of prodding from her friend she eventually broke up with me. Four years wasted just because of a little peer pressure. I won in the end though. She realized after a couple of months she fucked up and asked if we could try again. I said, "Absolutely not, im not interested in someone so weak of mind." 3 years later i have my a&p license, work as an evaultion tech for american airlines and she got stuck with a child and a man who wont get a job.
The best "revenge" is to not give up on yourself and be the man she wishes she never left. I really don't know how the fuck people don't appreciate what they have. My ex literally said to me one night when we were in bed together that "Sometimes you don't realise what you have until it's gone, and sometimes the 2nd time makes the relationship much stronger." Girl, if you can't appreciate me when you have me then by all means fuck off and be single. I was allegedly "everything she wanted" but certainly didn't treat me that way. Didn't help that we had an psychologist in our group who was a narcissistic orbiter, who convinced her she wasn't happy with me, but like everyone else here says: If she really was for me, she wouldn't have let others make cracks in our relationship.
I'm sure that their relationship will blow up the moment she meets another toxic person. If someone is so stupid to let anyone brainwash them, it's not just a one time thing.
Never ever get back with someone like that. They are weak will and will ditch you at a moment for nothing. Not worth the time and money. Looks fade. She'll regret it once she reaches 30.
No such things as "leagues". Then only leagues that exists: good people and shitty people. Good people deserve good people. An asshole, abusive, liar, futile person, etc deserves nothing. You need to try to find yourself a good person and be one. That's all. That's the only leagues I see. When people think and see the world with these leagues concepts, a lot of insecurities and harm come to place. Of course, if you neglect physical attraction you will end up being with someone that you don't physically desire and that is also fucked up. Life os balance. And that is why it is so hard to find a partner. Not easy finding the one, shouldn't be.
Right? Cant believe people buy that story from Kate. So obvious that the guy just pumped n dumped and now Kate wants her ex back cuz the other guy didnt wanna commit.
@@Haxkarl honestly I don't think that's what happened in this case. She likely broke up because she intended to browse the market for someone better not expecting the backlash from all of her family and friends. On top of that, OP didn't argue or fight for her and immediately went no contact which also added to the equation and amplified the backlash she faced. Causing her to regret her actions and try to get him back.
I have heard a disturbingly high number of stories where women are talked into leaving their man by friends and colleagues. How can an educated woman be such a simpleton to not think these things through. Its like their friends stroke their ego by saying "You're a 10, queen! You deserve better. I am only saying it for your own good because I care soooo much about you, bestie!" And women just buy it and abandon a perfectly good relationship.
I never heard the brain cancer follow up to the story until now. Yesterday my best friend is a 42.5 years (I'm 45; his birthday is in about 3.5 weeks) went home from the hospital following surgery to biopsy a brain tumor Now we must wait 2 weeks for the tissue analysis and 4 weeks for the complete genetic analysis to determine if it's malignant. People say coincidences like this are a sign of higher forces at work. If so, I say f*** them. Anybody who gave my best friend brain cancer gets nothing but contempt from me.
The day she said she was having doubts and thought you two should break up the correct response would be "OK bye! I'll give your stuff to (mutual friend) and have them pick my stuff up from your place!"
This. This. This. This. This. This. "Sweetie, you have 30 seconds to say 'psyche' and show me the hidden camera or this shit is about to get very real."
Honestly Kate got really lucky in this situation. If he hadn't gotten a literal brain tumor, there's a really low chance he'd give her another chance based off of how he had been posting.
I don’t think anyone can convince you of anything, especially with something as personal as a relationship. She must have had her doubts. But it looks like she changed, as she stood by him during his difficult time. I wish them all the best!
LoL, you're kidding, right? She's there to gain the social credit and validation as the good and loving gf who stood by her dying bf If he still breaks up with her 10000% he will become the terrible and ungrateful ex I'm more interested in the "on again off again" years before their steady 5 year stint and what she did during those 😂
Eh, some people are quite malleable, a bit dimwitted, and all together too trusting. You can convince them of something they don't quite believe, but simply because they don't have much strength in any conviction LOL they really do willing to see their identity into those of the people who surround them, and us to likely to except what they say without reservations or questions. I've seen it happen, especially with girls who join a new friend group or get a new boyfriend. They can be persuaded into pretty terrible things pretty easily, I'm afraid.
This. My ex allowed herself to be brainwashed by a "friend" and all of a sudden I didn't make her happy anymore, but the habits she had taken up - which were also his habits - sure gave her satisfaction. All under the guise that I was "robbing her of her youth" because I didn't like nightclubs and she all of a sudden loved them.
OP seeing her when he was out and about during their break was God, not coincidence. She made a mistake and allowed herself to be manipulated, but now she has learned that lesson, and she can grow from it. Thankfully, she didn't cheat or do anything the relationship wouldn't recover from. Im glad that it worked out for them. She obviously loves him, and so does her family.
If I were op I would give her a 2nd chance. She left her job on her own due to it and when op got sick she was with him the entire time, if she didn’t care and was going to cheat I doubt she would have been by op’s side as much. She also seems to be respecting op’s wishes in the no contact stuff. And also if she really looks defeated and is due to separating with op I think she really does care and regrets her decision, if she was just playing at feeling bad and was weak enough to listen to others agains about being out of his league she would drop the act of feeling bad when she’s away with her own friends and away from op. I believe she learned her lesson.
I've seen this first hand. Girlfriend or Wife starts agrument separates for a few hours for "space", has sex with fling, only apologizes about the argument, then resumes relationship with Bf/Husband... I am not even joking. This IS something women do to not "Cheat".
My father died in 2020 in an assisted living facility under quarantine because one of the orderlies got COVID and came into work, giving it to 12 residents.
A lot of women will let themselves be heavily influenced into making very bad decisions by other women, especially ones they're in regular contact with, like friends and coworkers. Unless you're able and willing to personally vet every woman she associates with, this can't really be helped. What matters in this instance is whether or not she hooked up with anyone else while you were separated which, it sounds like she didn't, and the fact that she's taking the role of being your primary support while you recover. A lot of women will bail on a man who has been seriously injured or is extremely ill so, one that is willing to look after that man is probably a keeper and, she's going to remember how she felt when she almost lost you, first to the breakup and then the tumor as well and, that should keep her loyal in the future.
Kate messed up. Though it seems like she’s trying to mark amends. She also never cheated either. Op is a respectable man, even more respectable that he said “you can’t break pinky promises” hope the best for him. Hopefully he recovered fully. Hope their relationship can work, hope she means what she said.
She wasnt out of his league as he stooped down to her. Ya like saying the NBA is out of your league, doesn't apply if they pick you up. So have her take a lie detector test to see if she was faithful to begin with and if she has gotten with others sence. She wasnt fully honest with him. She maybe stuck in denial herself about but still. She didnt respect him or value her relationship as if she did at all she never would have gotten to the point of considering breaking up. Far past the she fully dropped him like a bad habit and only recoiled due to her families reaction.
It sounds like the salon workers where jealous of what she had. Everybody makes mistakes and this was a big one. It would be a real shame if they can't work it out. That's a lot to lose for a mistake, even a serious one like this.
Part of me thinks it was a honest mistake, and good people genuinely make those when surrounded by the wrong people. That being said he is right, she has proven herself as someone who would jump ship at the first problem.
If all it takes is listening to people who aren't a part of the relationship for her to completely tank it, do you really want to date this woman? Not to mention anyone who still believes in the concept of "leagues" in relationships is clearly not mature enough and is still a high schooler.
Once the seed has been planted, it is certain doom for your relationship. A man is the average of who he associates with, a woman will do whatever do see eye-to-eye with their current social circle.
It’s so obvious that this woman never made a conscious attempt at a thought for herself, so she listens to what others think, rather then think about and figure that part out for herself instead. Anon dodged a bullet for sure.
I'm sorry, but if people tried to talk down about someone I love, I would have to agree with them. "You're absolutely right! He's a hundred times a better person than I am, and my life is blessed by his presence in it! I'm so thankful he decided to marry down....!"😄
Hopefully he's recovering, and his memory is intact, good luck. Since she let others pray on her insecurities and since everything happened and she got a wake-up call with his hospitalization she may only be insecure and not a total loss. If things stay friendly while recovering and plus a year it might be good for them both to get back together. Good luck to him and his recovery.
The thing is, right, women are extremely good at manipulation. I've been learning it all my life as to detect and counter these manipulations, but women are born with this talent. If a woman is jealous of someone, they can act all goody two shoes but throw in subtle comments that makes a person think that something is a problem-when in reality it wasn't ever a problem to begin with-and you wouldn't even realize these comments were harmful unless you know how women think
Honestly most people never really know what their faith in anything is until it is tested. Doubt it common and people often become part of the herd. When I taught classes I used to tell my students "If you put more than 5 people together in a group they create a pariah. It is human nature to bond by selecting some one different and bullying them. And your class is not exception." This is normal human behavior. At a guess she was the odd one out because she was in a stable relationship with a person who in no way resembled who her coworkers were with. There is a lot of negative reaction in the comments and remember that at one time or another every one of these people have bullied some one or made them feel like an outcast. Including me. So it is up to you. If it were me I would be cautious but I will give her a chance again. But I understand if you do not. Doubt is common and anyone who has never questioned their choices is unlikely to know how they will choose when the chips are actually down. It is possible she knows now where she stands better than she did before all this.
"I got two degrees while she went to cosmetology school." Yeah, she's not out of your league, you're out of hers. Being pretty doesn't put her in a different league, and it sounds like she doesn't have much else going for her. Time to move on to better things.
Yeesh. Cosmetology school? She's going to have little devils on her shoulder telling her to sabotage the relationship the rest of her life working in a salon.
YOU DON'T NEED A WOMAN THAT IS SO EASILY MANIPULATED, IF YOU MARRY HER ONE DAY A GUY WILL MANIPULATE HER INTO SLEEP WITH HIM. LEAVER HER NOW BEFORE IS TOO LATE AND YOU GET HURT BOTH SENTIMENTALLY AND FINANCIALLY. RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
Some people really can't stand seeing other people happy. I'd be willing to bet those women at Kate's work have never had a stable healthy relationship, and their disdain of this man was born out of jealousy and spite. The type of people who are miserable in their own failures and can't stand to see others be happy doing what they couldn't.
If she is acknowledging the mistake she made, why it’s a mistake, offering steps she’s going to take to ensure it doesn’t happen again(cutting these people and the environment fully off), and affirming her love for you… you can forgive and give your partner another chance if you are truly in love. Mistakes happen and she will remember them his when it comes a time that you fuck up. A lot of people need to learn not to let pride keep you from your soulmate.
"less than four hours later she started texting me..." So she found a guy, dumped you then that other guy shot her down so she wants to go back to her nice guy safty net. If you take her back she'll only be with you until she has someone "better" lined up. Only next time she won't break up with you until she's sure he won't reject her (she'll cheat on you with him first.)
"Ok I broke up with my bf. You're going to leave your wife now, right? Like you said you would, right? Right? Are you even getting my texts?" *reality sinks in...*
I knew a few kids in high school whose side hustles became full on businesses. With a couple of them, it happened even before they graduated. One guy I knew and made about a quarter of a million is senior year, which is my junior year, also known as ad 1996 when you could still buy a house in the bay area for that much. See now owns his own law firm, by the way. So is it unlikely? Yes, obviously, it is. But it is not impossible
I can’t believe I of all people am saying this, because typically I’m the type to move on and not look back But if this was something she quickly regretted (or at the very least ACTED like she regretted) then giving her one more shot isn’t such a bad idea So long as she actually goes through with leaving her job and working elsewhere People do dumb shit when they’re insecure, I can personally attest to that, so I don’t see the issue in one last chance HOWEVER That’s IT, ONE last chance, just ONE It also seemed to genuinely affect her as well, since she did tell her friends and family the truth behind everything that went down, she didn’t make up some bullshit to paint herself as the victim, she knew she’d hurt the guy and wanted to make sure that even if he wouldn’t listen to her, he’d still have people looking out for him, meaning she did care I know when shit like this happens the first reaction most people wanna have is “They’re a lost cause, break up” but if that happened all the time, a lot of happy and long marriages would’ve never come about
I've seen this 1st hand wirh my ex. Women convincing her I wasn't good enough. I didn't fit in the group so they got rid of me. She went for it. Group talk that is and it's weird. She's weak to listen as well.
The part that surprised me the most is how strong of a person OP is. Being able to set boundaries and step out of a 5 year relationship like that is admirable.
That break up made no sense from what she was saying, the truth is she already was having an affair with someone else and when he broke up with her and went to tell her AP, the AP probably didn’t wanna commit and she simply went back to her plan B.
