Should I Cut My Husband Off Financially? 

How old were you when you left him?,how long were you with him?

@@simoneXox long enough and old enough to know he was bad news.

GLAD YOU LEFT

@@deeprollingriver52🙄 what did you tell us for? If when someone has questions about a story you volunteered, you clam up.

Wow, that’s me now! After 15 years together and not having anything together I said I’m done, leaving him now!

E. All of the above

Or she is so controlling he can't buy a beer. Imagine same call and the man saying she is buying makeup we can't afford and has a hidden account because I won't let her buy it.

I wonder how the side chick thing works. Maybe I should get one 😂. I'm single by the way.

@@JudePi-jx7yo Get help soon.

Definitely could be addiction. I blew through everything I could and took out terrible loans in order to fund my formerly active opiate addiction. I didn't have one care in the world other than not being sick.

AMEN

Exactly. He is living a double life

@@californiacoast7021 1000000% and a marriage in secrecy can not last... She is not saying what she is truly feeling. She couldn't say it out loud yet and I know exactly how she feels. It's the rage bubbling under and it's coming.

Open another account and transfer all the money to the checking account and leave his "budget" on the original one. Like 50 cents lol Or buy yourself reusable gift cards and put that money on there. Better yet, draw the line. Get a lawyer and go through some discovery.

My mom always said to find a man who loves his mother

I promise it does not end well, they are ALWAYS up to no good.....

My guess is it’s coca and 304s

Online porn or gambling .

My ex husband asked me if he could buy a biiliards pooll stick. I said, of course. Not realizing he had already bought it. Until our son who was 10 at the time. Told me dad had already taken him and our other son to the bilkiards store😮

@@CMM726 what is that????

i can’t understand how people allow this. “maybe he just doesn’t want me to know maybe he thinks he spends too much on drinking and if i say something he might not feel like he can do what he wants to do” jesus christ 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is hard to come right out and say my husband is a big liar...you have to focus on the little things first because it is so hard to see the truth you do not want to admit to yourself.

Financial abuse in a nutshell. Switch roles and let the spender be a mother then have this make sense

That's not how marriage works . If you have to do all of that then you may as well get divorced and be done with it . This is what happens when you don't communicate within a marriage

And the problems going to end up being how do you deposit your husband's checks when he's the only one with the authority to do that!! Good luck on that part! They need to sit down with a financial coach and a therapist!!

@@Muzzy0085 well until the divorce she has to protect the family from being bankrupted.

@@furryplantsandcoins9070 he can deposit them into his own account. No more access to the joint account. I doubt he’s going to do counseling. She had to protect herself and any kids they have. .

True!

Most of them do. 😂🤷🏻‍♂️

This man doesn’t have a wife, he has a mother. She’s the problem.

@@paulh1745 it's fascinating like men are incapable of calling each other out on anything.

​@@lancaster.198what? You do know which gender is more likely to emotionally react than logically react right?

Yeah, my ex with the secret life, who wouldn’t even try counseling and had side chicks, has been an ex for twenty years.

The Mother is a big Enabler!

I went through this too. I finally divorced him and worked my butt off for my retirement. I made it. Retired for 4 years. This guy sounds exactly like my ex - a kid.

Drugs or infidelity for sure

Side chick

Saving up for a nice vacation for her birthday

​@@Opxbest lol😂 no

I am a hardcore investor. I wouldn't let a spouse know what I put away. Day 1 stuff.

True

I agree with this, and I have a very high regard for marriage.

Or just date

​@@isay207date and never stop dating 😅😅😅

For women safer to stay single for many many reasons You might actually stay alive

Right?! 😂 I think that every time I listen to him. Like, I used to be an overly empathetic, people pleasing doormat (but fam. still seemed mad at me ALL the time) and it broke me, and now I'm just kinda, "Facts don't care about your feelings," "I don't have time for this BS, do the right thing!" But there are days when I miss being the really compassionate person everyone could talk to, and listening to Dr. John tends to precede that, lol.

A month ? ... In 1990 maybe

Actually we do this, $100 each per month of no questions asked personal spending. Everything else goes thru the budget/ joint account and has to be agreed on/ budgeted. You have to communicate and be transparent and it works well.

Man you're jaded lol

Gambling? Supporting child ?

Porn and alcohol

Agree! Buying gifts for side chick.

​@@spriggy4382and you're in denial...

This was my.first thought also... sounds like gambling to me !

Could be hookers and blow.

Yes

Unless he's playing craps, i don't get how people could get addicted to gambling.

Probably drugs and whites. That was My es.

There is not a single di$& in the world that is worth that. She could get divorced, and every other dude on tinder will share his di$& with her. For free. These losers seek out strong accomplished women, for a free ride. I got rid of a freeloader a few years ago. Best and worst thing I ever had to do.

Noooo they're still married ?

Your sister don’t love herself a bit. How sad!

@@st6576 They must be twins!

@@marilynnelson3559 Yes, he's from a very wealthy family and he recently inherited a large sum of $$$ when his mom passed. She knew about the inheritance all along and stayed (I think) because of it. To me no amount of money would be worth all the crap she's put up with over the years. Very dysfunctional relationship.

He will get half of the money in the divorce settlement. Do it now before you are broke in retirement.

Nurse. Nurse or teacher

Oh yes you are right!

She thinks he is not capable of physically abusing her. She didn't consider financial abuse.

I was the fixer in my relationship, my husband had a huge debt with the IRS the came from years, when they did the garnishment, we were living very tight financially, things got better, I decided to help him, I did my taxes together with him, we paid any balance due, his credit score improved, but because he has a bad record on everything and he wanted to open a business I helped him with that too, we open his business account on my name, later we open a $10k business line of credit to help with his projects, everything on my name, when all started getting better and his credit score was optimal, stores and banks started sending credit card offers and he decided to open 2 credit cards behind my back, and guess what? he forgot about the line of credit I open for his business and he didn’t pay it, not only he didn’t pay my line of credit but now he has more debts with those credit cards he opened, he maxed them up and he couldn’t pay them, when the pandemic came he lost clients and he wasn’t making enough money, we had a balance due from our taxes again but not money saved, that debt came in both names because we did our taxes together and remember? His business was on my name, he dragged me in all his bad financial decisions just because I wanted to help him, but it didn’t work, i know now that he is and was the problem to our financial issues, and I also realized that if i continue with him, the rest of my life will be miserable! And I can’t do this to myself anymore.

Wow that's why there are so many divorces. This is easily solvable . Not every marriage has to fail at the sign of a problem

@@Muzzy0085it’s not up to the woman to solve a broken man.

@@Muzzy0085What’s the solution, @Muzzy0085?

@@Muzzy0085depends on how many years this problem has been happening.

He’s not husband material. He doesn’t want her to know where he’s spending money. This IS NOT EASILY SOLVED. Take him off all accounts today and divorce him.

Ehh no, there’s no “keep your money in your own account”. It’s more “we’re separating because I married a child”

@@wordsalad01 I left the comment before I was finished listening. Sounds like he might buy drugs or gamble.

you need to be on the same page for everything. this is ridiculous. she must have known he was a manchild before

​@@doctorpostingwhen people are young starting out they're both immature or at least the maturity gap isn't that big. Over time one can stay in that stage and the other outgrows it. You can't see that coming 20 years beforehand

Shane on him too though.

You do realize that would also make her a hypocrite too!

That's petty, not a solution

@@cyrenedomogalla5127but it would be revealing about his character which would help her come out of denial about the deception levels in this relationship. So it’s petty and hypocritical but temporarily, might serve a purpose that could be positive.

Good one! I’m petty.

I disagree, people can and do change, but they need to want to, they need a reason. Spenders arent gonna become savers unless they get rejected when they swipe and wake up, they have no reason to change without consequences

So true! When I pleaded for the nth time when my ex was doing this, he had no empathy. He said “You are my wife, not my friend” that told me all I needed to know

Good idea.

You lying

omg that's awful. Major deceit!

I've always said this to my friends when they ask for advice. You know what to do. You're just wanting permission from someone to do it.

I looked for that call, can you put a link? I can’t find it.

This is what i never understood. How do women end up saying I DO to men like this?? Don't they see it during dating.

Guesswork at best

Online gambling?

You can do this. Your future is for YOU.

@@chrissyellem7397 that’s right! Thanks!

@@carlel121 I wish you well.

Yes but she can open another account and move everything over or just take the debit card and access away from him.

She can open a separate account preferably in another bank.

I took all of my money from the joint account and put it in my own, and then filed for divorce.

Or she can stop putting money into the joint bank account, let him clear it out and then it closes on its own. However in some states as long as they're married she will be responsible for his debt.

She can move it and leave a little money in it

Easier???? The world we live in😑

supergirl…What’s to stop him from draining the joint “bill” account?

💯

Good luck.

Go girl!

A family intervention may be required. If his mom would agree to it. She definitely needs to have her own separate account. Then transfer her pay into it . only put money into joint account just in time to pay the bills.

There’s so much wrong here. I would call the show and see if they’d put your situation on the air. Also, I would see a therapist who can walk you through how wrong this is and what you can do to change it.

Yeah... You guys are a team, this division is fatal (related to the relationship).

You are in a financially Abusive Relationship. Caring for children is A FULLTIME CAREER. He needs to start paying you for Cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry and Sexual services, and see if he still feels like you don't t pull your financial weight. The Real cost of all those things is FAR MORE than his paltry $150,000/ yr.

You need to file for child support.

Why are you still with him? Wake up woman!

Well get yourself. a backbone , do you think you deserve this?

It wasn’t personal money if you were married

​@dennisdupuI don't care whether or not I am married, once the household bills are paid, the rest of MY money is my own personal money. 1567

Whether I am married or not, after all of the household bills are paid, the rest of MY money is my own personal money.

I don't think this poor woman can even trust him with a joint account for bills. He's completely out of control.

He's already stealing from his family to fund his addictions, wants, etcetera - money he knows he can't replace, he will just pull money from any joint account to spend the money he wants to. I absolutely understand this callers anxiety - I lived it. My Mom had a massive ADHD overspending problem that caused us to be evicted from apartment after apartment for years, leaving us homeless for months the last time it happened. When we finally found by fluke a decent apartment, the same habits continued. She was still my representative disability payee - completely in charge of my finances in my early 20s. I went to my GP and talked to him, got him to sign paperwork so I could take charge of my own finances. When I got the letter of approval, I went to the bank and opened new accounts with only my name on them, I kept one joint savings account - that would allow me to move money i.e. my half of the shared bills rent, power, and internet. Then I came back and told her what I'd done. She was furious in part because I hadn't talked to her about it first. There was nothing left to talk about, I'd talked to little effect for years she overspent my income on things trying to build a hyperfixation jewelry making business (well intended trying to create income to support us), buying "rescuing" a $1,000+ parrot from a pet store, on things that weren't our bills. The bills weren't paid first! She was going to be furious either way. Thankfully in my case it forced her to come to a realization, it forced her to change: I'm giving contributing my half of the bills and not a cent more. I have two checking accounts and 1 savings account at the beginning of each pay period a certain amount of money goes into the account for bills, some goes into savings, the rest goes into the second checking account for groceries and anything else. My mom has adopted a similar system which reduces some of her overspending. Several years ago she told me she was grateful - I'd done more to teach her about finances than she'd taught me. She still refuses to get treatment for her ADHD because she doesn't think it's that bad, people with ADHD often don't - I have it too, I just recognize that treatment in the variety of different forms available can be very helpful.

That sounds like what they have now.

I understand

It's not that simple, it's a process, it is very gradual and it takes a while before you can't see the wood for the trees.

@@ShoJ369absolutely spot on.

I think certain personalities are predisposed to this, however there are likely qualities she’s enjoyed about her husband and while living together realized this is his dynamic with money…she said “there’s other great qualities about him”, so she is overcompensating for him. She likely has always overcompensated for him in some capacity

You can't know at the beginning. My ex was a master manipulator. He seemed like the best person to everyone else. But in private he is a narcissist and sociopath. My mom used to say, "He tricked us all."

If both your names are on all of your accounts, and you each have access, you don’t have separate accounts. You have several different accounts but not separate.

@Gemmarose9012 I guess I say separate, because outside our account we pay our bills out of we use them separately. So even though we both have access to all 3 accounts two of those accounts we only use individually and only one do we both use.

She's scared to "lose" him. To be a divorced woman.