My Husband Is Emotionally Abusive (What Can I Do?) 

Absolutely! Dang I feel for her and the child.

That's how they should be treated. He's the man.

​@@miketheyunggod2534 don't have kids

​@@miketheyunggod2534he's an abuser, not a man.

​@@miketheyunggod2534your name says it all. Don't have children if you can't be a real man.

Nice ending

Me too!!

He made me withdraw the divorce papers.

@@ajura8926how

Same story here, now 54 and finally free❤❤❤❤

I just saw your comment was posted 9 hours ago and wanted to reply and let you know I'm sending you prayers and love and strength...you are already so strong and brave to buy that ticket, but it's going to be hard at times in the next few days, weeks, even months. Not meaning to be negative, just trying to be real bc I've been there. Big change like that can become confusing and oftentimes it's so easy to look to the past and see the happy times we shared with a special person. I'm 5 years out and still see with rose colored glasses sometimes. But then I scroll through my phone and read old texts or listen to arguments I had recorded to remind myself that I did the very best thing I could have done for myself by leaving such a toxic situation. So many people question the fact that I keep those snippets of negativity on my phone, and I understand the concern and also sometimes want to erase it all, but I need that reminder here and there bc I really loved my ex with everything I had. Luckily I started to love myself more. And you are on the path to loving yourself even more now as well by buying that ticket. Be sure to allow yourself space to grieve and feel all those icky feelings, but ultimately keep looking forward, have no fear, stay strong, and know that this stranger on the Internet (and I'm sure others here as well) is wishing you all the best!! You can do it!!❤❤❤

You got this girl!

Niiice!!❤

❤🙏

Praying for you

Good 4 you!

Narcissist!!!

❤❤❤

You are so strong and an amazing woman and mother. 👏🏻

@@salonsavy6476our marriage counselor asked to meet with me one on one after our third sessions together and she said he had narcissistic traits but could not diagnose him because he wasn't her patient. This was only her hearing 1/3 of what I endured. She didn't even know about his violent outbursts at this point. She then met with us both and told him the same thing. She encouraged me to leave, without telling me to. But I was so in love and didn't listen. That was four years ago and 3 years into our marriage. I wish I'd listened. But also blessed that I didn't. I've grown so much. My beautiful son is here. My son saved my life. I'd never tell him that or put that weight on him but he did. I hate that narcissist is such a buzz word these days so I rarely use it. But yes, he was one. Confirmed by our therapist!

I hope she sees and reads this. She needs to leave if not for herself, then for her daughter.

Same here. I’ve always had men interested in me and I couldn’t run fast enough. 😢

I hope you are getting some emotional help for yourself too.

Sorry for the bad experiences. I love my wife more than life itself. We’re not all bad. We fight like everyone but we try to not let it get out of hand and to make up soon after. Don’t let your past hurt keep you from meeting the right man. Having a family is the best thing me or my wife have ever done and she grew up with an ACE score of 10 and most of it was through her mom and other adult men in the house. 12 years and 5 kiddos later and we’re still growing/learning how to love each other to the best of our abilities.

So sorry

Glad you broke up with him. That was a red flag. More women need to listen to their instincts.

Yes. Amen... They only get worse...

It's like 10 red flags! And who cares about someone rolling their eyes... Mark my words, they are NOT there FOR YOU.

Being respected by your partner is the bare minimum and getting cussed at doesn’t meet that minimum standard. It is no benign thing to be cussed at. Good on you for honoring your standards and moving forward appropriately.

This is just a simple truth….know that you did the right thing…no ifs or buts..it’s that simple.

Definitely narcissistic. He’s a bully. He’s mean and he’s an abuser. She MUST LEAVE. Please leave.

Exactly. Experienced this type of person 3x. I never learned until my son was 7 and that was it.

@@msakeeba He might be a malignant narcissist which is deadly. I hope for her to leave, also. PSTD is an understatement when you leave them after years of abuse. And I’m sure if she does leave him, he will manipulate through the child as all narcissists do. It would be best if she learns everything about NPD and Borderline Personality Disorder. She should learn to go hybrid no contact, and other techniques to minimize the manipulation. Goodness, I feel for her.

@@chrissyellem7397 When younger, I dated many disordered men. I gave it time to let it show. After a while I gave up. Not sure, I might have a target for these types (and there are so many disorder variations)! It seems they have no compunction to admit what they are doing to other humans is heinous.

Diagnosing someone when you are unqualified to do so is not helpful. Abusive does not always equal narcissist. All you described is common manipulation tactics.

This 1000%

Narcissist playbook

Married a guy who became a heart surgeon…this is exactly how i was treated. I was always sad, not knowing when his temper would explode.. divorced 20 yrs now ..I’m at peace.

I totally agree! with what you're saying!

Similar situation, escalated into physical violence, etc. Abuse of any kind is dangerous.

Facts, he dose hate you

And himself as well.

Actually he hates himself and he is taking it out on her. I know because I’ve seen this side of men.

@@jennifermorgan1837true but still doesn’t deserve any empathy. He is an adult!

He actually hates himself.

Exactly, he knows his behavior is inappropriate and wrong and there for hides it till they are alone. He doesn’t want the shame or consequences that would come from acting like this in public or in mixed company. I would leave.

@@TheRealdalyep

The Dr Jekyll & Mr. Hyde syndrome is, sadly, very real. The male I was married to would be all smiles, fun loving, charismatic, in public or around other people. Sometimes when we would go home, it would continue. Sometimes he morphed into the horrible side of his personality. I never knew which one he would be when we got home. It seems to me that many organized religions punish women & excuse the abusive behavior of husbands.

@@FreeSpirit47 this was my stepdad. My mother married him after my father died. She even called him Jekyll and Hyde; he was very volatile and you never knew when he would go off and how violent his reaction would be.

Covert Narcissist

You are a saint for putting up with that guy. That is a no for me. Yell to me frequently and I will fight back. And leave. And you wont see me again. It's great you left.

Did you file for divorce or just leave and he doesn't know where you are?

in time it affects your physical health as well.

Sad story, and familiar. Probably wasn’t as easy for your mom’s generation to get out as it is for you. She’s probably so beaten down and depressed it’s hard to find strength in the fear and oppression she felt and with several children it’s even harder. Don’t judge her too harshly..

@@Kathy-qu8zjyes this exactly I always say if you don’t know the history of times then you can have understanding and if you don’t take those measures then you want to deliberately stay that way towards another all because just can’t wrap the minds around information of why certain eras in time why people did what they did.

Bingo! Little boys making babies with mommy.

She is lucky to be the bread winner and have the power to leave

Facts u better tell the truth 👏🏽

This!! You can also tell his anger was 100% him just wanting to punch this guy out for her 😩🙏🏽

💯💔

Absolutely, I am there, I am broken. I am disabled, he intimidated me into handing over all of my inheritance, made me believe that I wasn't committed to our relationship if I didn't put everything into a joint account and then he started slowly, but surely taking it over, until I have nothing left. No friends were allowed to come around after a while, either. When my disability caused me to go on pain pills, he quit his job to be able to drive me to work so that 'I' could keep working. He would worka little here andthere,butitwas myfault he couldnt work much since he had to drive me back andforth to work so I wouldn't lose my job??? I have recently taken back both my pension and my SSDI. It was hard as I was afraid, but after 27 years, I couldn't take it anymore. I have no way out, but I do have a small amount of control back,and perhaps I will find a way out someday... Disabled, no one able to helped move, and not msking enough money to live off of. I hope she gets away from him before she becomes me...

They are always like that. Controlling. Perfectionist. But always angry by default. Narcs are empty inside. They are not happy people. The moment they truly become happy and peaceful and stop fighting and shouting, they change that personality. Narcs always have anger and hate inside theirs hearts. They need to cure that and work it out.

Was too married to a jeckle n hyde. Walked on egg shells too many years. Got beat too many times inside n out. Was called names id never heard in my life. Got my children n I out alive after too many years and he didn't plan us to get out alive n stay out. Get out while you still can gal. No matter the cost get out alive!

Does this loser guy even work outside the home?

Currently doing that now 😢 idk why I’m still here

It's wild. This man hates her.

Same! Never again ✌🏻

@@hollandwatkins1371 please leave him. You deserve better. Find a man who wants to take care of you- they are out there. You’re better off alone than with a punk like that

In many cases, the problem actually is they NEVER hit you. With a black and blue eye, the authorities and judges know what to do. Proof. With emotional abuse, it can continue unseen for years and years and be a silent killer.

he is threatening her already by saying he could do way worse. He is not going to change.

Leave him he's never going to change. I left with 4 kids, very little money but hey...we survived and never looked back. My children are now grown up and all 4 have great jobs and are lovely people ❤❤

Were we dating the same person lol 😂 glad you got away

Oooh weeee u better tell the truth 👏🏽

THIS.

My husband acts just like this

U single?

...and if she wasn't the bread winner? 🤨🤔

And fully inhale. Your breath becomes short. The inhale becomes difficult because you’re anxious and on a psychological level it’s about getting the proper nutirents/elements to be healthy. Oxygen etc…is vital for health. When our oxygen is low we don’t feel good. When we are in an abusive situation we don’t feel that we deserve to be healthy and nurtured. Our breath then becomes short. All of this is unconscious. Yoga can be so beneficial when getting your strength back and healing from an abusive relationship. You will learn to breathe again.

Like to know how this woman os also pushing his buttons to illicit an elevated reaction. Women are masters of doing this. The woman also the bread winner so she could be straight up testing this dude

​@@fauxbro1983Ridiculous comment. There's no excuse for the husband's abusive and immature behaviour.

​@@ekl2947That's just what I was thinking.

@@fauxbro1983 She pushes his buttons because by saying SHE has to work and go make money! 🙄

I'm certain she knew that this would get her sympathy, not judgment.

True

They are our purpose in life. But it does leave its mark.

Universal marriage means bad partners get to marry male or female. It's supposed to be wonderful, and purposeful so everyone needs to do it to be an adult. I'm lucky and have a good partner.

My ex is a minister. So I know how difficult it can be. But do not stay in an abusive relationship. Find someone who can help. Make strategic plans and get out. 💕

💯

In all fairness we only heard her side. Maybe she is useless. If that's his opinion of her then he should leave instead of abusing her. I just don't like the narrative that just because someone is being abused they are an angel. She also had choices and behaviors. Before I judge him I'd like to hear his side.

@@autonope23you can’t be serious. No matter what her faults are, she does not deserve his wrath.

@@autonope23There is a reason why abusers behaviors and pattern are quite predictable. He can leave, no one is stopping him. He won’t though until he finds another potential victim.

​@@autonope23but y abuse then just leave it's not that hard there are no excuses... men can be bullies because they are stronger physically than women...so it don't matter about a side if she is not harming him.. alot of times u can just not agree about something amd there's a problem because u are weaker physically u will be made to follow...i just don't understand what y'all don't get about that...if she is that bad then he should remove himself not abuse her knowing he going to win that battle everytime!

Yes! Everyone thinks I just left him after 27 years for "no reason"🙄 he's such a great guy. His adult kids barely speak to him. Poor him. Are people really that dumb? They all laughed at his temper. He's a great guy just dont piss him off, they would say. But they can't figure out why we all walked away from him. I don't care if they think I'm the biggest witch in the world, I finally have peace.

I'm glad you got out and have a better life now.@@jenbrez70

You kept your baby in a physically abusive environment? Shame on you

@hillaryhayman1 what a special person you are. What do you do for fun? Go to the local battered Womens shelter and stand outside, pointing your finger at them and chanting shame shame.

I am so glad you put your and your children's safety first by leaving. It's not an easy step. I am quite sure you had to rebuild some of your self-love just to leave that abusive situation. May your children become the kind of parents that treat their spouse well.

I agree. A man who **strives** to love his wife as Christ did the church is much easier to submit to. I think some of what you are discussing came about as a reaction to feminism but as Christians we should never be reactionary. Also, I wouldn’t look too much in to crowder, most of the big shot conservatives become a Christian whenever it suits their political agenda.

@@zacay5717 I'm so glad you brought up the feminist aspect because that's what I've been saying as well! Feminism has done a lot of damage to humanity and to the Church, but we cannot let ourselves swing so far to the opposite that we begin treating women like dogs, almost as "payback" for the things we don't like that came out of feminism. It's also interesting to me that we seem to have forgotten that not all women are feminists! So many videos and comments about "feminists" seem to lump all women into that group. It's like the word, "feminists" has become a synonym for "women" in some circles, so they can say all of these really nasty things about women while still claiming not to hate women. I'm not a feminist! Don't blame ME for the stuff that feminism brought our culture. I'm even seeing them drop the "feminist" label altogether and make entire video series', hating on women. I've seen an influx of video compilations of men hitting women, where the guys in the comments sections are laughing and cheering! Just 10 years ago, everyone knew that you didn't lay your hands on a woman in anger. The cognitive dissonance is crazy to me, because on the one hand, they know and openly talk about the fact that men are WAY stronger than women, that we're built differently, but on the other hand they're laughing and applauding men punching women in the face because she challenged him, called him a name, or even slapped him. Of COURSE it's not right for her to hit him, but as the saying goes, "with great power comes great responsibility" and you just can't use your MASSIVE physical advantage to harm someone weaker than you. Unless she is coming at you with a deadly weapon (in which case, do whatever you have to do to defend yourself), you are to restrain her or walk away. That was ALWAYS the standard for everyone, Christian/conservative or not. I just look back and think, "my dad would NEVER say/do that to a woman", and neither would any man that I know above a certain age. What you said is absolutely true: as Christians, we cannot allow ourselves to be reactionary. I just wish more pastors and even fellow male friends would call each other out like they used to do. I'm telling you, if a man laid his hands on his wife or talked to her in a demeaning/abusive way, his friends would all have a serious talk with him and draw a line. While feminism might be the reason for the resentment, you and only you, are responsible for your reaction and your behavior. I fear that the pendulum swing is going to be so severe, that women are going to lose a lot of God-given human rights, there will be no help for women in abusive relationships, and it'll become nearly impossible to get someone to believe them if a crime occurs. I'm already seeing if because we went from the ridiculous, "believe all women" to the equally ridiculous (and far more dangerous) "believe NO women". Women are scared enough to come forward because it's a scary situation; now they're even more afraid because of the seething hatred that she would dare come forward and accuse someone of commiting a crime-- a crime that is extremely common all over the world.

@@veggiesaremurder that’s the downside of swinging back and forth and reacting against what the culture is doing. Not sure where these men in Church are getting their instructions from because it ain’t the word of God. To think how Christ suffered and gave his life for his bride and to see these “men” abuse their wives is beyond comprehension to me. You can’t expect to turn around and ask your wife to submit to you, that is abuse. I equally resent the other side of believe of all women and girl power and all of that nonsense. Both sides are unbiblical thus dishonor Christ and create dysfunctional relationships. The only solution is to align ourselves with the Word of God, there is a cliff on either side. It’s a narrow road after all. You are a wise woman.

@@zacay5717 EXACTLY! The whole "believe ALL women" (as if mankind aren't capable of LYING), "girl power", "I don't need no man" are unbiblical, dishonoring and abominable to the Lord! It's also deeply disrespectful and dismissive of men and their value, worth, unique skills and gifts, and necessity. It ruins families! But as you so correctly stated, we simply CANNOT react or follow the culture-- we need to follow God. Culture changes; God is unchanging. His Truth is true regardless of what is happening in society. As the cultural current shifts hard and fast in the opposite direction, I'm keeping my eyes on Him! Amen!

It's spiritual abuse, there's many kinds of abuse

Nope. Cus it’s so “hard”.

The cycle of abuse can keep one tethered to an irrational hope that things will be better. Hope she gets ahold of some literature that explains the hamster wheel she is on.

Her concerns about her profession/bread winning are legitimate concerns. She is a smart, hard working lady and I have every confidence that she will figure it out.

@@user-yd6th5ch5kYes they are legit concerns. But the biggest concern is their daughter witnessing her dad abuse her mom.

So glad for you; I have no idea what a kind husband would be like.

BIG HUGS! Keep putting yourself back together, You got this! I did it, you can do it, too.

@@FreeSpirit47 thank you. 🤍

@@FreeSpirit47 🤍

I've recorded my ex, and then deleted it bc I was scared to even listen to this and thought no one will still help me. Living alone I'm still scared sometimes, once you start reminiscing trauma kicks back ❤

YES. Society still panders to the sickening legacy of patriarchy.

There's nothing wrong with using the high divorce rates as an excuse to not marry-it's the smart thing to do. Women are incentivized to break apart their families and they're actually rewarded for it, and women don't love men but simply love what men can do for them because men can always do more. Females verbally and physically abuse their men all the time. If a woman slaps a man, it's always assumed that he deserved it. On TV, it's funny or even romantic. You'll always hear about kids being abused, but females do most of that, at least the emotional and physical types. Lesbian relationships or marriages aren't just the most physically violent, but they have the highest divorce rates too. Marriage was made to save women from themselves because left to their own devices, they always make terrible decisions such as leeching and walking the streets instead of school and/or family. Every culture knows this, but it's too offensive to say out loud nowadays Even though it's never been clearer. Now with the advent of social media, perpetual victimhood is hard currency and you all want in. You are all just passive beings to whom things happen and you have no agency whatsoever. Give me a break.

❤There's so much truth in your words❤

😢

😢 I am so sorry your daughter does not understand, but I am right there with you.

Sad how so many of us share a similar story. And looking back I ask myself why I ever tolerated that in the first place.

I’m sorry

MEN ARE THE WORST! ANY GOOD ONES LEFT ARE TAKEN...BUT SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT ASAP!

I got the silent treatment one time for 3 weeks. The worst way to live.

​@@chrissyellem7397I get that regularly. 2-3 weeks at a time. Then I'm the best person ever... then something happens. My tone, a look, my face when I said it... and the silent treatment for weeks In separate rooms now. We live abroad and kids born here... I feel trapped

Silent treatment was my favorite thing. That's how I learned about narcissist, I used the Silent time to listen to videos, read and learn. Silence is quiet and I don't mind quiet and being alone

I've gotten the silent treatment for over a week before. I don't even remember what I did to piss my husband off that time

This woman is traumatized and ashamed. Why don’t we talk about your need to run around the internet judging people so you can feel good about yourself?

She said he does *not* cheat. Did you listen?

Omg are you dumb? Narcissists always cheat.@@Nkosh

😢

I feel for you! Please look up Flying Free by Natalie Hoffman and see all her resources. ❤️

If I were u I'd go get my daughter & make her either stay In a treatment house to become sober or bring her home & duct tape her to her bed for a few days if u have to. U need to help save her life! It's miracle she is still alive if she uses fentinal & herion⚠️☣️☢️☣️💀☠️ As for ur son All you can do is visit him be a support for him. The poor guy is stuck in prison. It's just heartbreaking!😢 I realize they are adults but I don't care! They will always be your children! Your ex-husband ruined their childhood but u can help them recover from their trauma be Alive & happy 1 day❣️

Thank you for you story. My husband left 1.5 years ago. I was afraid my kids would go into deep depression. Attending church regularly, reading the Word, talking, holding each other got us through this hard time. We love him still, and pray for him, but I'm glad he left. I didn't know he was unhealthy for me and was beginning to be unhealthy for my eldest.