Thank you so much. The traits you are discussing apply to my life and own insecurities. I have worked within over the last 8 yrs; you have taught me so much and helped me improve my confidence! Wishing you love and blessings, Stephanie. ☀️
I was with a very insecure man for 3+ years. He needed so much validation that he was messaging women on dating & s*x apps for attention and I found out by accident. I could never provide enough validation for him to be happy so he looked elsewhere. Never again
You work for 40yrs to have $1M in your retirement, meanwhile some people are putting just $10K in crypto from just few months ago and now they are multimillionaires..
I've been married for 20 years. Roughly 8 years ago, I was vulnerable with my wife and cried in front of her. Big mistake. She thought I was broken and needed a new one. Girls say they want a vulnerable guy but as soon as you show any weakness they don't want it.
Sometimes in our insecurity we end up with people who don’t value us or are safe for us because how would we know? It doesn’t mean all women are like this. Please trust that.
Isolation is a BIG red flag that I wish I knew sooner. I recently dated a man that was isolated himself and only goes to work and comes back home. He even expressed how he wishes he could work from home and not go out at all. Turns out he has serious issues and isolation is because he doesn’t have the necessary tools to harmoniously deal with other people. My father lives a hermit lifestyle and he’s insanely abusive and narcissistic. Both men are addicts (one is for video games and the other online content). A man/ woman who don’t have healthy relationships are an orange flag that need investigation. It’s not normal not to have friends, family, coworkers or anyone to interact with.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f I completely agree it's not normal to isolated with virtually no social stimulation. The thing is in my case I was born into a den of sociopathic malignant narcissists and when I emotionally injured my father he literally weaponized every aspect of narcissism against me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm 28 now and I basically can't have a genuine conversation with anyone for long outside of places like this cause the smear campaign my father started was when I was 5 so everyone In my area is either on board with it or in fear of going against it, and they're afraid of retaliation in some way for associating with me in a genuine way for too long..
This was was exactly what I needed to hear. This list of insecurities further supports the root cause of repeated issues in my marriage. It’s not a journey I would wish on my worst enemy. It’s also time consuming and exhausting.
Steph, when you speak it always makes sense... As a man some of these things I can relate to because I have these traits myself but when we have the knowledge we can work on ourselves. It takes a lot of work to break free from these traits. Thank's for this...
God bless you for admitting this,,it's not easy to acknowledge your shortcomings and it's even harder to put it out there..I give credit for doing this, wishing you all the best🎉🙏
@@aamne2012men generally have an easier time admitting our faults and short comings and taking accountability in the relationship. Unfortunately the inverse for the opposite sex isn’t quite true.
A BPD or NPD woman can turn you into a very insecure man. You can fall from being a man who is always happy and confident to a man who doesn't know who he is anymore. It takes time to trust yourself and other people again. It's a hard life lesson to learn.
Very true. Same with men. I've been lucky that the two I have known both told me they had the disorder so I knew to get out soon when things got bad. I really had never experienced how manipulative and toxic some people can be.
As a woman, I don’t think a man should stay in a relationship if he doesn’t feel overall better about himself. The right person will make you love yourself even more while gently encouraging you to be a better version of yourself. I left a man recently who made me feel worst in every way possible. When I was single I was carefree, productive, fit and outgoing yet he made me gain weight in just a few months from all the stress. That’s when I knew it was time to leave before things get bad!! Don’t stay with a woman who makes you a worst version of yourself.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f I've ran into a few of you're comments on this thread and I'd like to say you're a good woman, (who doesn't seem snarky, like half the other good ones out there😉) we truly need more women like you
Ouch! You're right though and luckily I'm on the better side of most of them signs recognising I had a lot of work to do. Not 100% there, I would say 80%. This is great advice, thank you
I've been looking into childhood emotional neglect. I think this is where all of this stems from. Check it out. Fortunately there is a way to reconnect and repair this through building emotional intelligence.
I am insecure as a woman. I had been long term friends with a man who fits the narc parts. He gets defensive. He gets angry if i criticize him. He'll be triggered by me even just suggesting things. One of the biggest issues we have is that I'm walking on eggshells around him. I once told him he had bad breath. He stopped kissing me after that. He will hang onto a comment i made to him and exaggerate it. I sometimes only find out what he's thinking when he's drunk or when he's angry cause then he compares himself to me. I hadn't realized we were supposed to be competing. It's very immature to compete with someone when they don't even want you as a friend. I realize we all have issues but this guy just feels like he's haunting me after 14 years and now that i left town about 5 yrs ago, he still will find a way to communicate with me. I'll feel sorry for him, talk to him, hear him rant and put me down, then disappear again. I feel bad cause i sense the struggle he's going thru and after so many years of him living with his dad, his dad finally made him move out. So i feel like he's a bad guy but not horrible and i do worry about him. Like if he ever died, I'd be sincerely regretful, yet he's toxic and i don't want to communicate with him daily. This just feels bad all the way around. Good luck to him sincerely. I know he can find someone out there... me? I'm Not even thinking about dating. Both my parents are elderly with issues. I can't be distracted with drama right now. I'm all tapped out trying to handle other issues.
Ya I had that w a narc friend....brah you must have a half dozen cavities...the girl didn't like it...I tried reminding him to brush before going out ect but to no avail. Rough stuff.
@@cafebacon8974 I did move away from him. I haven't seen him in person in more than five yrs. He will still email on occasion. Sometimes I let him call me. He's definitely dealing with some mental issues, I looked up BPD and he does not quite fit That based on various RU-vid videos. I'll look up sociopathy now. I appreciate your input.
@@StephanieLynCoaching i’ve been trying to do this for years and years, and I keep falling back into it. Over 60 years old now, and losing every awesome woman I get my formative years are so deeply ingrained I just can’t get out. Yes, you heard me say can’t. I basically can’t try.
Emotionally immature guy here. It's true that being scarred, abused and traumatised as a kid leaves us with low self worth. It's also true that although it was never our fault we experienced these things, it is still our responsibility to ourselves and those around us to take ownership and to actively work on ourselves, modify our behaviour, and be the change. Failing to do so means we will project onto those around us and will be likely to remain in denial etc which causes these behaviours and creates a living hell for everybody. Thankfully, most, if not all of us have enough intelligence to recognise this and, if we are brave enough we can take action and live more mindfully in new relationships. Men and women are more the same than we are different and we each have our own subjective experiences so in my opinion if we all treat ourselves and everyone else around us with compassion, maintain healthy boundaries and, be willing and able to cut people off who are a liability and are not yet capable of personal growth, we can and should create a happy life whereby the stinkiness of our pasts can be left behind with those who caused the trauma all those years ago. Peace :)
Guys do need to watch this video. The wounded child is your ego. There isn't any shame in asking for help, but don't expect someone else to do your own work for you if you are able to do it yourself. Your my 👍favorite life coach.🏆 Your on the pedestal because you belong there.
She does NOT belong on the pedestal (no disrespect intended), although im sure you mean well, she is doing her job just as you are doing yours and others are doing theirs. I wish we could use the term 'id' instead of 'ego' since it has such a bad connotation these days.
Dude here, 100% found this helpful and was not triggered by any of it at all. Also, hmm, I'm doin alright! :D Had no idea lol. I guess I'm pretty healthy. Thanks again Stephanie, always seem to pop in on your stuff at the right time. I particularly found the isolation bits interesting. I do feel like I am vulnerable to this, it takes effort for sure, especially when yer raising kids after a divorce. I will double my efforts in that one! Would love to hear you go on and on about isolation and tendencies that lead to isolating yourself.
Oh ok this is already better than I thought. I had assumed it would be criticism of any man who shows vulnerability but it's quite the opposite. We need to be aware of who we are, what triggers our emotions and how to control or work with them whenever possible. :)
Exactly! Any woman who thinks she needs a man totally devoid of these traits, either needs a dog or a robot, not a man! LOL Spare the poor men the hardship; leave us alone!
I'm still trying to figure out what makes this list exclusive to men. Everything you said applies to women as well! Every toxic woman I know displays the traits just you said. All those traits seem to be gender-neutral.
Sometimes, framing it through gender allows you to focus on the specific way certain genders display the same issues. Men and women display these tendencies differently. Although, both can be insecure. For women, it might show up in their looks, how they feel as a mother, daughter, etc. Equal but different. ❤
I’d like to hear what she thinks ( regarding this topic as it pertains to boys who grew up without fathers? I didn’t know how to be a man( if you know what I mean? Guys like me do.) There was a disconnect that I still am trying to figure out why I’m such a basket case and only learned certain things in my late 30’s and 40’s. I have older male friends but, hell man, I would never think of ask how to be one! The women in my life seem to think I’m a good man but, is feed back from people who love you matter objectively? what ya think? I’d really appreciate any feed back, thanks friends 👍✌️
@@hustonmann452 I know what you mean, I grew up without a father figure as well. My take is that you don't need to follow anybody's advice or view of what a man is. Just be you and be as responsible as you can without compromising your own boundaries. That's what a man does! Following Jordan Peterson wouldn't hurt either.
Thanks for this. Worth saying that another reason that sometimes you will see some of these signs is because of insecurity caused by neurodivergence. Sometimes we've spent our whole lives being conditioned to mask by society, especially if we are undiagnosed. I also second the commenter below who observes that they have also seen some of these 'masculine' dynamics in women. That must at some level be a sign that gender roles are becoming more fluid in society, and so the dynamics around power and social expectation are shifting accordingly. Thought provoking and full of insight as always! Thankyou.
Surprisingly, listening to this video, I am not the unsecured man I thought I was at all (i am learning to better himself 😊). I thought that showing emotions, sharing insecurities was a mark of insecurity. .
Same here, I was worried what I was going hear, but I found out that I can be insecure in relationships because I need to work on myself and be less jealous, but I am not competitive with anyone, and very eager to talk about things and take constructive criticism. I am humble and willing to accept help.
I feel any thing you reveal about yourself… has to come with the intention that it is altruistic and well meaning. That you would want to connect and negotiate in a healthy way. Unfortunately some apply these traits as tactics to gain … upmanship/ control/ resources and future goodwill and intentions from others. Being discerning regarding some one’s integrity is a life time achievement for most… some can smell disregard/duplicity/shaming and dishonesty a mile away… so I feel both parties have to have a genuine want for a better result this time and next. Showing vulnerable traits need to be cherished and revealed to those who can step up and deal with them. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability or will guard it from others. A life time of misery can sadly be the result of those who deceive to gain benefits. Healthy decent people do healthy decent acts… and they want all concern to reap the benefits.. not just themselves. If you find some of these treasured souls … please share !😊
I'm a little bummed to hear "isolation" broadly painted as a sign of male insecurity. Introversion, relationship history, and relative age notwithstanding, have you seen the socialization options out there, especially since Covid? I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that society as a whole is less sociable, and collectively somewhat neurotic, especially in this age of devices. When you feel there's not much out there, and staying home with your books, your music, your video choices, and maybe your dog, is a better option, I don't see anything unhealthy or insecure about that..
I agree…I use isolation as self-soothing to work through difficult times, to give myself time to “figure it out”; if I can’t on my own, then I am not above asking for help….right on! Not necessarily a sign of insecurity👍
Chronic isolation isn’t needed a break. I’ve dated a man who is isolated and soon found out why ( he has a fragile sense of self and couldn’t deal with people). It’s not normal nor healthy to be isolated as an adult especially when you have options to make friends outside your once limited social environment as a child/teenager. I would understand isolation if you were young and your options are toxic, however in adulthood that excuse doesn’t stand.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f Who's talking about excuses? You have neither the knowledge nor right to make a blanket judgment about the normalcy of isolation. Also, you have it ass backwards: people who need relationships because they are uncomfortable being alone are by definition co-dependent. In fact, when you are okay to be alone, you are ready for a healthy relationship
I like how men are expected to be confident and secure but women can stand back and be the judge of those men. why aren't women expected to be secure and confident ? why aren't they the pariah of society when they show insecurities?
The very first one here confused me, because it has been my experience over a number of relationships that when you show that you're vulnerable women get turned off.
Find a more emotionally mature woman. Someone who is self aware and has empathy, sounds like you can do a lot better! Woman here who has experienced my man being mean to me because he hides his emotions, I can tell you 💯 that I would have felt close loved and impressed by him if he had opened up and talked to me like a mature, emotionally intelligent safe man to be with. Own your stuff, be proud, if a woman judges you for being emotionally aware, then sack her and respect yourself more 🙌
@@user-xz3ew4jh2e As I've learned, women don't typically have empathy for their male partners. If you do you're the exception rather than the rule. It's not about a woman being emotionally mature, it's about the fact that women are not hard-wired to be compassionate toward their male partners and sensitive to their needs. Through evolution women are looking for men to be providers, and to be more financially capable and emotionally stable than them. Men are hard-wired to care about and look after the well-being of their partners, women are not. It was a very hard lesson to learn, and took me about 20 years and several relationships to do so.
@@user-xz3ew4jh2e It's not about a woman being self-aware, it's about evolutionary psychology. If you are attracted to men who show you that they can be emotionally vulnerable you are the exception rather than the rule. Women do not naturally have empathy for their male partners. Women are hard-wired to want men who provide for them financially and materially, and who are emotionally stable. A woman will typically support a man only so long as he does this. Women are hard-wired to care about the well-being of their children, not so much their male partners. If a man loses his job, gets sick, or suffers emotionally, a woman is more likely to lose interest in him and divorce him than to support him. I learned this the hard way, and stopped putting up with it 20 years ago.
@@user-xz3ew4jh2eThere are NO emotionally mature women! LOL Maturing is a process, not a destination, and all women are more mature than they were and less mature than they can be! And all women will take advantage of a situation when they feel vulnerable or feel at a disadvantage. Even the women who insist, even promise they NEVER, ever will!
@@user-xz3ew4jh2e I agree. A mature woman knows the power of vulnerability and will cherish sharing such an experience with you. A childish woman who is self centered will only think about her needs and you being vulnerable takes the spotlight away from her that’s why she hates it. Act vulnerable and you’ll weed out immature woman. But make it authentic!! Don’t lie or fake vulnerability to gain sympathy.
@@melishek0001 she married him, which indicates that she did indeed love and accept him. It's just that she's secure enough to accept she'd made a mistake.
Man giving my .02 cents here… mature, calm, open communication is key. Men, as described in this video, are hurt, scared, confused, damaged (physically, mentally & spiritually) from childhood on up… write a Short list of topics as men tend to forget what and when what was said. Both need to take this slowly & with Professional assistance, if possible?.
My ex boyfriend had a toxic mother and she’s the definitely the monarch of the family. She spoke badly about everyone her own siblings, her children, her husband (and I’m sure of me). She was also very superficial which I think are characteristics her two sons picked up and were definitely damaged. My ex was super insecure and literally couldn’t take any feedback. I would have to think about and practice how to talk to him when I had an issue that needed to be discussed and he would just not be able to take in the information and process it without becoming totally reactionary.
I am a male who was raised by a domineering woman who acted as you describe. Not only that, nobody was good enough for you - we were poor white trash 😆. It wasn't until a good decade after I moved away did I realize what a sheltered and scam life I was forced to live. My emotional and social development was extremely retarded in that environment. It took years for me to be confident in who I was.
@@sarahcook908 Same with a man I was recently dating. He has mommy issues and viewed my requests as orders and that I was trying to control him. I left soon after.
Everything you have said here makes sense, but it 100% applies to women as well without a doubt, all that you are speaking about totally describes women, there are a lot of insecure women out there as well and as a man that is tough to deal with. Keep coming with your great takes.
If i saw this video even a few years ago i would of probably been offended but thankfully ive outgrown that mentality. Im a lot things she mentioned and proud, and its not due to insecurity, im proud to be competitive, hard working and not needing help with petty little things, as a man i deal with my problems as a man should. Its served me incredibly well and wouldnt have it any other way. I love hearing womens incorrect analysis on men and i take it to heart as much as any woman out there would if a man was giving a breakdown analysis of women. Enjoyed the video none the less
I once had a female friend that had to "one up" me at every step of the way. It was exhausting and depressing to me. I cut her out eventually, because I didn't know how to protect myself from her.
It took a long time to learn how to just smile and say thank you. After you do it a few times it becomes second nature and a non-emotional response. As it should be. Even if the compliment seems the least bit insincere, just smile and say thanks. If they were being sarcastic, it will annoy them. Grin.
I’m glad others found this video helpful. For me, I couldn’t follow the line of dialogue because of so many variables listed. I tried to keep up but once I stayed behind attempting to interpret what you were saying, I was lost.
This video is about me. I can recognize this is me and I try to change it, but it's so hard. I'm not sure if its criticism specifically, its more about the fact that I've upset someone and don't understand why. I have autism and ADHD. A therapist told me that I have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. This, combined with autism where I already struggle understand basic social norms has created a pain in me that is impossible to describe. When people are upset at me, but can't explain why or are unable to explain something they've never had to explain before because it's something that's just expected/known. My mother knew this growing up and when she was upset at me, she always used the things the most painful for me as a way of punishment/get what she wants. The rumination I get from this is just unreal and so debilitating. There are people that actually think I make all of it up and its just an act. There have been times where I ruminated on an event, day & night, all day, everyday for 2.5 years. Just the same thing repeating over and over and over in my head, and I know its ridiculous and I tell myself not to, but I just can't stop it. I've apologized in very lengthy messages, but it didn't stop it. I'll just sit here and apologize to the people out loud to myself over and over like its going to help. I keep saying I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. All of this leads to even more problems because of how destructive this is on my mental health and it leaks into everything else. Medication has helped some with the rumination/anger though.
Can I suggest something.. I am sure it sounds obvious.. but do you have ( you mentioned a therapist) a god trauma therapist who may also understand ADHD? Rumination is a very hard relentless and hard pattern to handle. Very taxing on the nervous system. Sometimes just finding competent psychologists, psychiatrists on the YT can help with un answered questions . Andrew Huberman and Dr Conti ( Sandford / Harvard combo) have a brilliant 4 part series around this time of posting. Educating yourself can at least seem like some one is in your corner and at least cares. 😊
Its hard for me to see insecurity in men because that trait is feminine in my head. Thank you for saying men because it helped me to reframe the same behaviors but for men instead. Its not about one or the other gender not having this, its that it displays differently and its good to reframe for a fuller understanding.
The fact that I'm always the consummate professional and that I have no insecurities is what got her interested in me, if only on a friendship basis/ Whatever happens, I can handle it and I take full responsibility for my thoughts, actions, desire and lifestyle/
No one ever 'always' gets it right, though. perhaps you should listen with a slightly critical ear. She is a human, just like you and i are, and if she is as good a coach as we hope she is, she will be perfectly accepting with deserved critiques. Sometimes its MORE kind to offer those critiques than to offer overly exuberant praise, because it sounds fake.
I have many insecurities, as I'm sure a lot of men do. Because of my imposing size and because I'm good-looking (and because I have a good "poker face"), these insecurities are invisible to almost everyone. Only in my closest relationships will I admit this. Unfortunately, the majority of women are turned-off by any sign of vulnerability in a man -- they won't admit this, but it is undeniably true -- so we have to suppress these things, which is never beneficial. The failure of my last relationship confirms this. This is the reality that men deal with. We're expected to always be strong and stoic, while simultaneously told to be open and honest. It's a catch 22 situation that will never be resolved.
Virtually all of these apply to my ex-wife. I think it's more about attachment issues and emotional maturity than one's gender. There are plenty of insecure men and women.
Everyone is insecure, as a rule. show me the person who is not insecure. Then give me 30 minutes, and I will find those insecurities! Every human is insecure!
I think allot of this applies to both genders " two genders' I have two female relatives and a deceased mother that were just like that. Loaded with drama. I now feel its a good lesson to take from a 🐝 a bee doesn't waste his time trying to convince a fly that honey taste better than s-it.
I think that a genuine person can genuinely acknowledge their own insecurity and attempt to reflect on it. You will never see this in a narcissist. A narcissistic person will never sincerely acknowledge that they are insecure - especially if it's a male narcissist who fears being seen as weak.
IDK about competing. How do i put this? Have you seen Man in black 3? With the alien guy that loses an arm and then he meets his younger self, fucks him up and then with a wide grin goes: "I am better then me." That's right now and always THE point in life for me. The end of the day i gotta be able to say this looking at the mirror. So there. I do compete with yesterday me and i'm good at it. 😅
Haha I realized I always would downplay my achievements, but it was because growing up I felt like it would take the shine off my mom so I would dim myself so I just would never accept compliments.
Absolutely right about competition/ It stems from feelings of envy and egotism/ She is quite surprised that I encourage her to connect with the guy she is strongly attracted to and not to hold back in pursuing him/ I attribute it to my androgynous, enigmatic nature/
It’s hard for me to accept compliments because I don’t need them. It just fills the ego so why would I need that? If I start liking them then it makes me start to change my mindset to look outward again for happiness.
SHARING FEELINGS ,DONT SHELL SEE U AS WEAK OH AND THE INSECURITY EXCUSE WOULDNT NEED TO BE USED IF PEOPLE WOULDNT DO SHADY THINGS OR TRICKLE TRUTH YOUR PARTNER ABOUT INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS DONT PUT YOURSELF IN THOSE SHADY POSITIONS WITH OTHERS AND THEY'LL BE NO REASON FOR IT
Stephanie I identify so much with all your words,as a child I was locked in a classroom at play times at infant school,in order to keep my asthma ok,I do feel its affected some of my social skills that one learns,I like socialising in small groups,I have the void,my sisters have been so fortunate wirlth life and luck,I know life doesn't deal us all the same cards and fates, its isolating as I don't feel anway as good as they are.
I too have asthma. Also I prefer socialising in small groups: I feel that's because with larger groups it feels less like socialising and more like performing. Has it not occured to you that part of your sisters luck is being fortunate to have you for sister.
@@stephena1196 omg no it hasn't I never thought of that at all,Ive been there for my baby sister when she waa petrified of going to hospital a long time ago,my nearest sibling well we share the fact our parents didn't visit us when our children were small,we have too the memories of growing up together. Your question has really made me look at things differently, they both have beautiful houses,both retired already,Im still slogging away and financially not in the same position as them,I get tired as we all do but your reply has stunned me.Thankyou.I wish you well.
Women really like to use the word "healthy" when dishing out emotional advice. This is like a medical journal. Once you start reading or listening to this you have every symptom and disease.
Hi Steph. ok, let's do this: 1. nope, im an open book, totally comfortable with and capable of sharing my feelings and being vulnerable, and im a little hurt (and almost offended) that you might think otherwise of me. 2. nope, competition typically isnt even a thought for me because most of the time, most people don't even come near my level of performance, so its not even a contest. 3 nope, im content being the best, and it doesnt get in the way, also, i rarely make mistakes and i think being as on point as possible is good for everyone, as it raises the bar on expectations of oneself, and those of themselves who feel inferior and realize they have a lot of work to do on themselves, so its a 'win win'. nope, i have no issue seeking 'help', although most of the time there is no such thing as 'no strings attached', and the majority of the time people only disappoint so if you want something done right, the 1st time, its most often best to do it oneself. most of the time i find that if people just leave me alone, and get me a pepsi, i can figure it out myself. 4. nope, im not on drugs (i dont have weak addictive temperament nor tendencies) most of the time im ok and just thinking, again, not on drugs, and in this case, a simple pepsi and being left alone to figure things out might be the best course. 5. nope, again, i rarely even notice what anyone else is doing, unless they are being stupid and in my way, and i certainly typically dont compare to myself, again, because of the aforementioned. nope, i can handle criticism, although it is rarely needed, nor warranted in most cases, and honestly, most of the time people are projecting themselves and their own issues onto others as 'criticism', constructive or otherwise. 6. introverted or 'isolated',? because honestly, i think there is a lot to be said for 'economy of engagement', especially in a world of too much chitter chatter and attention seeking, no thanks to social media or exacerbating this. i think its very respectful to be quiet, and not speak to others unless spoken to, and then answer the question and not give you whole life story, because 9 times of of 10, no one cares and or will only use that info to exploit, so its best to keep to oneself, maybe just stay home, especially with all the crazies, and idiots, out in the world. nope, compliments, or acknowledgement, probably more appropriately, is normal and although not necessary, is normal and acceptable. lastly, nope, i dont really feel insecure, and i think i would likely feel insecure if i was. wow, 100% not insecure in any way, shape, or form. quite the contrary, actually. i must admit, i am a little surprised to score so well, perfectly, actually, but maybe today is an especially lucky good day, and i will take that :) thank you for the list. it was fun and reassuring :)
I have a problem with perfectionism, but it's mainly from my OCD. To be honest, I would be a complete narcissistic, but I have a lot of empathy. I never felt like I had to be better than anyone else, but I did feel like others had to live up to my standards. I love criticism, because it has always made me better. Some of these issue I have been working on, others I embrace to make my life & those around me better. Like my new philosophy is failure is the 1st step to success. If I can change a little bit everyday, in a month I won't even know how I got here.
David Hill -This was great -I’m the insecure guy you were talking about !! - you seemed to nail pretty well the causes and conditions of my brand of dysfunction! - in my case the core was maternal childhood abandonment and male domestic violence - which were traumas at the core of my lack of trust and self - confidence causing me to behave in a self- centred, needy and passive aggressive way. My emotional maturity was frozen at a very young age- so I was very much the frightened traumatised boy in a man’s body. For me, the core “take away from your talk was the real need for people like myself to understand that others are not there to “fix” my brokenness and no matter how difficult this can be (life long in my case) it is my job and not theirs to take the adult responsibility to do this. Of course, there is help available which I believe I’ve benefitted from but firstly, I need to acknowledge my own deficiencies of character and behaviour to avoid hurting myself and others in a tedious and painful cycle. Thanks for this Stephanie - your talk was compassionate towards males like myself but you also made clear the need to own your own s….t😊
Great video however every bit of it could have been interchangeable with women. Most of these types of videos would be better suited to use the word “people” rather than “men” or “women”, but I understand how putting such words helps a creator’s engagement for certain focus groups & algorithms.
Insecurity why do we seek women just for sex? Some men are sensitive and that’s not an insecurity. They want to share with you. They’re feelings and they hope that they will reciprocate . I council young man they’re very sensitive. It’s a new age. I don’t think it’s insecure Society professionals that know think about sensitivity and people I tend to disagree. I read an article and medium that upset me. Greatly young woman said I don’t need a man a young man with sharing his garbage with me man have to express their feelings that’s why we got misogyny. We really just realise we both human beings instead of drawing genders and consciousness. Be a better world. I practice compassion we have to be compassionate women too.
Not liking compliments makes you an insecure man no not having that. Some men don’t care about compliments I’m one, they do nothing for me. I’ve had loads of compliments and I just smile to be polite but don’t really care for them. Also I’d say compliments are for people who look outside themselves for validation which shows they are insecure and lack self confidence. Maybe leave the figuring out men to men!
It's wild that people can go their whole lives living like this. Can't get anyone to change. I remember I told my brother he can be a better person. He punched himself in the nose and wiped blood all over the backseat. Sometimes it's better to just keep quiet. Some insecure people are extremists in all the wrong ways.
As an example for number 2. I had a partner who literally told me he felt like i was trying to out do him. Which was insane because he was out of work and i was picking up extra hours and staying late at work to pay our bills.
He FELT like, just like you FEEL . . . men KNOW we are expect to be productive, to be providers, and when we are not providing, or under-providing, we FEEL less significant, just like you FEEL less pretty sometimes, even when we try to reassure you you are still pretty.
A guy should never ask or seek help from other people especially woman, that has nothing to do with being insecure its simply not allowing yourself to be target of explotation. If you want help with something, read or listen to a book or a podcast on the subject.
I find the premise of this video and the lack of empathy to be disturbing. It is just assumed that a guy who is insecure should just be avoided as a loser. What about all the insecure women, and they are many. Seems like an anti male double standard. This would be like a male dating video about how to spot women who are neurotic and unhappy.
this dude tryed to talk about the clothes i had on while at the laundromat washing clothes! every one looks like shit on wash day 😂 i said im not trying be all dressed up just to wash clothes… it was so weird but before that he said i walked past him but i don’t know him!!! 😂 he knows me and everytime he walk up on me he expects me to know him but bro is not someone rememberable lol not even tryna be funny ppl in LA are weirddd
LOL Never show your feelings guys BUT when it comes to talking about your stories, focus on the feelings and emotions to pull the chick in to experience your story to enjoy it. Don't be too competeive guys but still wants you to own a yacht to take her out.
I work a graveyard shift. I actively try to isolate. The ex narc GF has seen me as I clock in. I have to deal with all the narc ppl during my shift. All the narc girls who think they need me as a BF.😂😂 The narc ex Boss has to see me when I clock out. It's hard to avoid this world full of narcs. I isolate cuz it's Soo hard to live a normal life as a single male In This messed up society. I stay single cuz I only seem to attract narcs. I need a lot more work on myself is what it seems like. Shitty thing is, I've been working all my life trying to figure out where I belong. Everywhere I go there's a narc ready to rip your heart out!😢
Any man who thinks dating me gives him a right to tell me what I can and cannot do is already on my shit list. I was raised once by amazing parents. I’m grown and I’m respectful af . I don’t need permission to live or step outside the house etc. my own values and morals will keep me from doing things I don’t need to do if I’m in a relationship, I don’t need a man who thinks I need to adjust my values or my sense of self. Fuck that.
I like insecure men. I find them endearing. Their vulnerability makes them attractive. Confidence is so overrated. Most of the time, it's just an act anyhow.
