Sometimes your partner wont stand up for you so your left with no choice. Specially when your inlaws desrespect you and slate your character infront of your parents.
Hi I need help as my partner parents don't like me. Due to im not working. I went to stay there for a more than an intended wouldn't leave the room my I was trying my hardest to find work online. But it seems like what ever is do they just don't like me.
The Jam and Berries well I cut her off so she’s not getting on my nerves anymore lol now it’s my bitchy bat shit crazy sister in law I just cut her off too fuck them. I’m tired of kissing their asses. I’ve learnt that I can bend over backwards and they still don’t care so I don’t care anymore either. I have to focus on myself and my happiness with my man.
Nancy Orta what does ur man say bout this. I tried to cut her off but he told me tht if I can’t fix my relationship with his mom tht there’s no point for our marriage. I didn’t kno if I was suppose to take tht to heart or try to understand him. I regret marriage I do.
Jasmine Love My man knows exactly how toxic they are he actually cut her off before I did he pretty much cut his brother off as well now he speaks to his sister but if she steps outta line he will cut her off too because he knows that him and I are what matter. Yes family is very important but if a mother is not willing to respect her sons marriage then she’s gotta be cut off. Sweetie your husband it sounds to me like he’s picking his family over you and that’s not okay YOU are his new family and he has to defend you. It seems like his loyalty is with them. It shouldn’t be that way. Sounds like he’s not going to change his mind either. You deserve someone to fight for you! He has to leave that nest because now he’s an adult man in a new nest with his wife. Smh I’m sorry you gotta go through that sweetie. I wouldn’t tolerate someone saying if you can’t make it work with my mom yada yada yada blah blah blah. Who’s that bitch? Oh yeah the hole you came out of? Please sorry to sound bitchy but I’m on your side You don’t deserve that! Your mother in law needs to respect you or fuck off. She needs to leave you guys alone point blank period .. let your son be damn ,intrusive biotch😏. I hope it gets better for you sweetie.
Nancy Orta ily❤️ I agree with u 100% respect comes first. And i will not tolerate disrespectful ppl in my life. In law or not, I’m gona continue my self love journey and finally be happy. And if it hurts our marriage so be it , I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just putting boundaries. love or hate me biotches😂 I’m 27 and I’m wasting my years being sad? F*** that. I’m always soooo nice to her for her to only hurt me. My own mother tells me that she can tell tht my mother in law hurts me cuz she knows how to push my buttons and to ignore her. God knows I dealt with so much bullshit these last 3 years of marriage
Lol l get this sometimes but also feel this is whst they want if do not exactly like you or can't get their way woth you. They will want to ignore you and with me that is what they'd want, not to have to deal with me especially woth our kids aka their grand kids lol. But l am not one to control and that is something they don't like lol.
The problem with toxic in laws is that their child (your partner) will most likely either also be toxic or codependent who will defend and support their toxicity and won't react to their abuse of you. This means, separation from partner with toxic parents and parents themselves will usually be the outcome. The only way this can work is if the partner is willing to separate from parents and stand up to them, then it's a different story.
Yes, sometimes the toxicity can get spread to your partner as well, but not necessarily. You are right, if your partner is able to see the toxicity and be able to set boundaries with them, then that is the only way for this type of dynamic to work and be healthy. If your partner isn't willing to support you and be your side as a team and partnership, then it's going to be an uphill battle that will most likely cause you two to become combative with one another.
@@sierraG333 That's what they want : damage your relationship to make you leave and get back their child or choose for him who he can date according to them.
So true. My partner defends their behaviour no matter what, to the point of denying what was said or happened. Way I see it, nobody has any right to say negative things about people or disrespect them. I know if I cut them off I need to take into account divorce.
It can also work the other way round! But no one talks about this, The new in law member of the family male or female can invade and destroy a family. and the whole lives of those who have been too eager to be welcoming and accommodating. Tragically all this is being ignored in favour of the victimised spouse or wife who feels entitled to trample on the boundaries of their in laws.
@@starlightlake9666 Great perspective. I dealt with toxic in laws for 40 years. When my husband died, suddenly in front of my kids, a sister in law turned on not only me but on my traumatized, heart- broken children who had been nothing but kind to her. I had vowed that the day an in law hurt my kids it would be the last day. After malicious, vicious messages and texts to them and to me, and her trying to sabotage the funeral as well as lying about us, we changed our phone numbers 3 days after the funeral. We went no contact. That was 2011. I hear, even a year ago, she was still vilifying me in public. I come on to videos like this, occasionally, to remind myself to keep our family promise... it's over. There will never be a comeback. No contact and loving it. I wasted 40 years on that lot. I try to encourage and comfort others male or female who are suffering such abuse...and will refer them to excellent videos like this.
If you meet an adult who is still receiving financial help from their mother run!!!!!! If you meet someone who talks to their mother on the phone more than twice a day, every day, run!!!!!!!! If you meet someone who spends most of their free time with their mother run!!!!!!!!
What about when your daughter in-law makes insulting comments to you when she has her family members with her. Copping it on the chin is becoming difficult
That's typically me and worse..boyfriend and her mom are always together everyday and they use the same bank account.. She talks bad about me and he won't tell me. his small brother says what he hears jokingly.. I kept distance but they're all over my neck with 4 evil sisters plus the mother.. But he loves me and he choose me over her sister..the mother is the problem we have 5 years together
My mother in law ignored me at my house, she walked passed me to hug my husband and kids and she almost got a heart attack when I told her to turn around go back to her car 😂. I usually ignore her behavior but after 14 years I just can’t anymore. Told the kids to go inside the house while I call the cops to have her removed 😂. She was shocked to see my husband agreeing with me.
So many people having this.. :( im done with my mother in law.. After 5years of tryibg to please her and close my eyes and ears to all the hate she used to spread on me and all the lies she made up behind my back... People don't change. They just don't.. Its just masochistic to keep letting people hurt you over and over again.. And when your kids get treated same way.. You start to get really annoyed.. And our job as parents is to keep them SAFE.
absolutely! That is why setting firm boundaries is so important so you can take care of yourself and your relationship first and foremost! Thank you for your comment Stephanie.
@@KristinCoaching boundaries doesn't work for some people.. She ignored them and even overstepped them more often and more intense.. So she left no choice for us to block her out of our life for good. And we warned her that if she will not start to respect and treat as like normal people do.. Then she asks for us to cut her off our life... She tried to manipulate with saying that she will turn other relatives against us if we will not play by her rules. That was the last straw for me. Seeing that someone tries to manipulate us even more rather than just admitting they were wrong and start treating us just normal.. We dont ask loving of nice even.. Just to be normal... To stop manipulate, direspect, be rude etc.... It was so painful. But also relieving..
@@dreamcatcher4747 I honestly think there's a Manuel for evil MIL's because I so relate to what you are going through, we don't have kids yet. But I encourage my husband to spend time with his mom and his side of the family - without me. And I only interact with them as a way of supporting my husband and I make it very clear now that I am simply there to support her son who really is the link to my relationship with them. And as frustrating and unpleasant as it is, I'm glad I know where I stand with them. I've stopped trying to impress her, or play by her rules and fall for her manipulating ways and gasslighting. Narcissistic mils have a tendency of playing victim when being respectfully confronted for their BS behavior. In all honesty, good riddance! Your peace and your emotional health is more important than trying to impress some toxic mil who isn't willing to adapt to new ways of doing things. At the end of the day you are your own person, so is her son. YOU and YOUR husband need to build a foundation for YOUR home, applying BOTH teachings from each family. It can never be just about honoring one side of the family's way of doing things. And if she won't get on board. Then she can get left behind. And your husband needs to be in the forefront enforcing this with his mom. At the end of the day he chose you. Yes we need to honour our mils but not be their doormats. NO! NO! NO! Also the fact that she treats her grandchildren that way.... That's heartless and equivalent to hurting her own son. You guys did the right thing by ✂️✂️ that relationship. It's a hard no! God speed my sister. ❤️
@@lovebellavida kids are okay, to be honest. My son says he doesnt care if someone doesnt treat him the best way possible. He said:"Its their loss, not mine." that was so calming and now im inspired by that and to be more here and now with my kids. Because I agree.. Anyone who doesnt want to vibe on positive levels.. They are stealing only from themselves, not us.. We can be happy with those who are gappy with us.. 💛 like yesterday, at the beach.. All day long making huge star from sand, sea shells, weeds and sticks, it was such a positive meditation for us. And even later he wanted to make evven bigger heart from all the same beach stuff😍 kids are wonderful angels. They are not things you own.. They are healera.. The truest healers on this planet.. If one is willing to heal and be present.. And pay attention to them. But some grandparents just dint love themselves and are in such huge hate relationship with life/God/destiny.. That its just their perspectivw that is totally fearbased not love based.. But I feel like it can be used as motivation/lesson to try our best to be the opposite of that.. Also I feel sorry for them and I pray that in next lifetime they find happiness and love..💛and trust and hope aswell..for sure💙
Your significant other is almost always the problem if you’re having difficulty with toxic in laws. They don’t cause the behavior, but if they’re enabling it then the in laws have no reason to change. What she says about being united and having the person related to the toxic family member stand up to them sounds great. However, many of us don’t have a partner willing to do so, which is why we’re here watching videos like this. My husband’s idea of standing up to them is saying something like “SHE doesn’t want this/like that” then becoming annoyed with me for getting angry over the passive aggressive way they act after he has further turned them against me to protect himself.
👏🏾👏🏾Amen, I agree. For me it's odd, my then fiance warned me about her and prepped me on what to expect. She's since lived up to what he said & more. Odd thing now is: she does and says awful things about him, our relationship and me, and now he defends her and acts in denial about stories I tell him. It's like a tug of war between wife n mom. She's very manipulative and gossipy and just evil spirited... Even her own mom told her not to attend her funeral when she dies 😔😕🤦🏾♀️he was forced to talk with her and create boundaries, so now she's guilted him and said she'll just never come over our home again ;instead of just saying, "I respect your home and wife and I'll call before coming, or not come in ur home when ur not there". It was getting to be alot as newly Weds and I had to set a tone and boundaries early on.
Jeez my in-laws doesn’t know any boundaries. No respect. So if we stay away then it’s a problem because then they think we’re keeping the baby from them but they’re the actual problem.
Hayley Johnson story of my life! They have too much pride and I can’t stand how people don’t consider people’s feelings and boundaries. If u don’t call and see them every week they go ballistic on u. Dam what’s one gota do to have some peace. I’m so close to just going to another far away city.
100%. At the end of the day the only connection between them and you is your husband. So honour them but also honour your boundaries with them. #Self care
The 78 Dislikes are the mother-in-laws who recognizes these comments about themselves from their daughter-in-laws and are passive aggressively plotting
I have toxic in laws his mom father and sister I’m soooooo sooo sick of them tired they always have always been the reason that I have arguments all the time . Seven years of dealing with them .
I'm so sorry to hear that Eunice. You are definitely not alone! I hope that my tips help you out moving forward, because it does take a lot of thought and careful planning to manage toxic in-laws.
Eunice Estrada girl, same experience. Pretend to be “nice” engage in things like the weather, whatever she usually gossips in and most about importantly talk about you and what you’re doing because you deserve to push who you are in this bitches face. She will never have Respect for you so rub it in her face who you are and maybe throw in your guy and how happy he is based on observation. My ultimate advice make excuses to keep her away often.
I had the same problem. I stopped going to his family gatherings altogether. Two years clean away from them. He goes and I go out elsewhere or stay home. It annoys them bc I no longer entertain them ignoring me so they'd keep trying me to him. For example just last October the sis did not want me to join her wedding bc she wanted me to apologise to her. Then it switched from her to his Mom. Me and my Man split for 3 days and for those 3 days he was with his family. He got drunk and they began to dig. They dug so deep that he exposed all I had said (from the past when I would join the family gatherings) about them. That is why they wanted an apology out of me. I told him I'm not apologising bc they've said things as well and that's all from the past anyways. When I did not make any apology to either of them or show up the day of her wedding the sister asked where I was and then okayed me going. I did not go bc I never made plans to go I had other plans. Plus when I don't buy a dress for an event ahead of time it's bc I don't plan to go in the first place. I don't speak about them or ask about them bc I have that 'Out of sight out of mind' mentality. I pray blessings over them. It's a weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. I enjoy coming across other folks advice bc there really is not too many vids based on 'In law strife'. Sit down with your Man and just talk openly and calmly about the situation. You don't have to be where your not welcomed. It took five years for mine to finally agree.
Im so worried Im going to end up feeling exactly lile this! Im getting married to my boyfriend of 5 years and his mum is sooooo judgemental and bitchy when it comes to me like talking behind my back. And recently his sister thinks she can make demands like inviting HER inlaws to whats supposed a very intimate wedding that we're planning. Absolutely dreading the fact that Im going to have to deal with these people for years to come 😩😩
@@BK-gs8ov enjoy your wedding. That is YOUR day. Ignore them trying to poke at you. In fact just ignore them altogether or just disinvite like my hubs sis did to me. You might actually be saving them like she did me. 👍 Best luck to you, hun. I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
I think the best medicine is to cut them off and explain why and that you are under no obligation to put up with their disrespect and more to the point, you will no longer be a punch bag for their insecurities, send your partner who failed to protect you back to them, and wave goodbye. And move on. I should have done it the second day, instead it took me ten years.
Amen. I had to do this after 17 years of their behavior. I just finally put my foot down and said if you dont do something now I want a divorce. What he said to them no clue.
I did cut off every contact with them but still don’t feel good because my husband is acting with them as if there’s nothing happened. Tried to deal with that but still feel bad.
26 for me to learn my lesson I should have ran a month after marriage when wife went out drinking with co workers and didn't come home now I have a lot to loose if I leave.
We moved half a world away from my in-laws and I have seen them once in the last five years. I don't plan on seeing them much more than that throughout my lifetime.
I understand confronting the in-laws is difficult but there is a time when you think enough is enough when you have been insulted for years and nobody seems to find that unacceptable. So confronting them directly is good for health. Because being insulted and saying nothing is not good for health I think if your patner does nothing to stop them.
I think if your partner is not standing up for you and the relationship, then yes, other measures might need to happen. Your partner won't necessarily be able to "stop them" perse, but your partner should be able to communicate to them that their comments are unacceptable and inappropriate and that you two are not going to attend functions if they are going to insult you or the relationship
I want to keep respecting my mother in law but you know what she is disrespecting me a lot. I might talk to her within a few months or year to talk things straight and revise what I should tell her without disrespecting her and her values.
@@KristinCoaching And what if your partner tells them to stop but they keep on insulting you and your family even in your home and even in front of your children and in all their family ?
@@loopingmalone8242 Then I think it's best to not be around them as much as possible. If they can't abide by the boundary your husband sets, then not putting yourself or your children in that situation might need to be the next step.
What about passive aggressive. They like you you but still find issues with you. Like there looking for what’s wrong. I’m not perfect but I feel defeated when I’m talked poorly even when they smile to my face. Really messes with my mentality. Please help.
Yes, it's hard when people are not authentic, and act one way to you and then talk about you towards someone else. you just have to realize that you don't have control over anybody else but yourself. You know your strengths and qualities, and you have to own them and be proud of them. And if someone isn't going to honor those and be passive aggressive, then that is their choice. normally people who do that are not happy people deep down. So it's about remembering that and putting everything in perspective.
This is what my mother in law has done! Smiling to my face acting like my friend and then telling my husband bad things about me in a way that is convincing and reminding him of how perfect he is
Im at the stage where I don't need to involve myself in any of their family events...and everyone else can adjust to my way of living just like I've made 1 million allowances for their way of living!!
I felt that! One time we needed to stay at their house for two weeks and my MIL would just walk in on me in our room without knocking I’d be shirtless/changing clothes or breastfeeding my son 😤
Seriously! My partner's sister is here for 2wks and is bashing our apartment that's she's stayed at 4times, telling us to get a new place and "here, lets look at places". Like, you should NOT stay for 2wks and you should GET A HOTEL. I want to scream!
My sister in-law over every night it gets old she wrecked my marriage I can't have a decent conversation with my wife my wife yells at me to shut up she's trying to talk to her sister I work nights I only have maybe 2hrs when I wake up and sister in-law over maybe she will respect me when I ask for divorce.
Cut my in laws off tonight. I guess I’m just looking for some uplifting messages. 5 years dealing with them, I’ve forgiven too much, let things slide too much and so emotionally drained. They’re causing the only fights we have in our marriage, so I’m done. Couple more months until we can move away from this town they’re in.
That must have been really hard to do. I can see that you are done, and you needed to set a firm boundary of no contact. Im proud of you for finally putting yourself first...it sounds like that needed to happen.
April Chow-chee wishing you all the best. i no longer talk to them, 6 months now. never been happier & my marriage is better cause of it too! good luck!
Im soooooo tired with my mother inlaw how she make stories about me and how she fake her attitude towards me when his son is around. She’s so manipulative and i hate it soo much! Anyway god bless her ill just move away when shes around and ignore everything she did to me.
I'm so sorry she's toxic. Yes, there are many ways to get healthy boundaries around your interactions with her. It just takes a lot of effort and planning, but it is possible! Thank you so much for commenting.
My husbands family is so toxic. For awhile he was straddling the the fence between defending them and not really defending me, but I really had to work to show him how they treat me and ultimately how they treat him and he woke up. Now we barely deal with them and we drive them crazy. We need to have a sit down one day.
Absolutely. the best situations are when the in-laws take the side of the marriage and respect you two as a unit. But that, unfortunately, does not always happen.
@@loopingmalone8242 mine is in the process of that.... sadly my wife doesn't realize that, she thinks avoiding talking to them is the best way to solve things......
@@scottli7849 Avoiding the situation is worth than anything I can guarantee you because it will go worse and worse as in-laws will see they can take power and do what they want. You must talk about it with your wife and tell her that it is not acceptable for you. They are her parents but you are her husband and she must listen to you and take into account what is painful for you. Difficult to do it without arguing but necessary. try not to be angry with her and to discuss this situation wisely; Wish you luck, have been there for 20 years ::((
@@loopingmalone8242 Thank you so much for the reply! I really appreciate it! We did have multiple talks about it, every time it ends up in her avoiding setting boundaries with them, and I am so done with it tbh....:( Her parents are very controlling and possessive, they want to hold power on her as long as we stay married, cuz they know if they continue to do so, our marriage will end up in a divorce, which is exactly what they wanted. I tried talking to her parents too, they tell me one thing, then they tell my wife one thing....
My mother in law can’t stop making decisions that involves me without my knowledge. She’s toxic. Always angry at something or someone. She makes bad decisions and don’t take any responsibility for her actions. I’ve seen what a terrible mother she can be towards my partner. I can’t stand her. I just want her to ignore me. I simply don’t like anything about her. I don’t want to see her face.
My mother in law and sister in law are extremely toxic. Constantly demanding money treating my hubby like a walking paycheck. I stopped that through some choice words. I said to my hubby, "keep track when they call how many times the call is about wanting to communicate and see how he is doing, and how many times they call to guilt money out of him" And it broke his heart when he realized that they cared more about what he could do for them vs wanting to just be apart of his life. So I told him that when they called and make it all about money or about how he doesn't do enough or wanting to talk trash about me, and thereby making him defensive, to just say no to money, no to guilt tripping and to just tell them that he was to busy to talk. Worked like a charm, they might still hate my guts but that is ok,... when his mom calls him (his sister disowned him basically because he wouldn't give her $20) she is very careful to make the call about seeing how he's doing, what's new in his life and she refrains from talking trash about me to him. Unfortunately, she is a liar of epic proportions and tells everyone she thinks doesn't know me very well or at all, that I am a black widow who has her son tangled up in my web of lies and deceit haha and that she mortgaged her house to pay for our wedding and the trucks we own. Our wedding cost less than $2000 and the only thing she paid for was some jam tarts, 2 turkeys and a roast beef. My family cooked everything and provided all the deserts. I paid 75 for my dress, 175 for the hall we got married in, 400 for a DJ, 175 for our minister, and 200 for his suit rental. The rest was spent on decorations, food, flowers etc. All paid for by my parents with exception of what I mentioned she contributed. As for our trucks we have never gotten 1 red cent from her. Hubby cosigned for her to renew her mortgage and get more money because she wanted to renovate her house. It is amazing what happens when the toxic influences lose their control over the subject of their abuses. Classic narcism. It personally doesn't affect me because I keep contact with her to a minimum, but my heart hurts for my hubby, no one should ever feel that their parents love is conditional.
Aw, yes, that is so sad they took advantage of him. It's really hard to see the truth. I'm very happy to hear that you and your husband have stuck together throughout this entire endeavor, which I'm sure has made you stronger. That is what is most important. When toxic people are in our lives, even if they are family, we need to take care of ourselves emotionally and mentally. And that means setting firm boundaries, which it sounds like you and your husband were able to do. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I"m sure many people can relate and appreciate your insights.
Having a relationship that involves happy loving in laws is a pipe dream. I’ve listened to every video, read every article and it hasn’t helped. I’m convinced my mother in law practices brujeria. I wouldn’t put it passé her to have a voodoo doll of me lol
Victoria Law Mine is a total piece of shit and I’m leaving a 7 year relationship because of the damage mine has caused. They only ever want to marry their son in a very sick way. Well I hope they have a very nice marriage. I’m out!
Married almost a year now. Married because I love him but if it was based on my in laws I wouldn't have done it. I have very ill feelings towards them for they way they have treat my husband. When we last visited and mother in law acted overly nice I just detested her more. She had many inputs on how I should treat him, when we should have kids,etc. I just don't like them and won't want to be around that family much.
💔 this sounds so much like my story. Not married but at the point where we’re considering it, except his mother is giving me serious second thoughts! I love the guy to bits but don’t know if I’m setting myself up for a lot of heartache in the future.
@@Fs_N079 You have to take into consideration how his relationship is with his mother. If he sees what you see and is on the same page about keeping a distance concerning her then things have a chance at working out but if he is oblivious to your concerns life could just get harder for you in future if you do decide to get married. My husband and I have decided to take the no contact route. It's worked out this far. I really wish you all the best. Life is tough suffering under a narcissist's thumb.
I'm dealing with this right now and I have a child by partner. His mother makes disrespectful comments when he's not around, she's mean spirited and talks about everyone. She loves my son and her son but she doesn't care for me. It's hurtful and I feel stuck. I don't even think we should get married and I'm sure she will love it.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please don't let your future mother-in-law come in between your relationship. There are boundaries you can put up that will help shield you emotionally, and hopefully your partner can talk to his mom and put some boundaries/rules in place with her as well.
I'm so sick of my Gemini mother in law ... she is a 2 faced woman who interferes with everything and acts like she has a say over what me and my partner do with our children... I feel shes in competition with me over her son ... like hes not that great of a husband so if u want him u can have him... I feel really close to the edge most days ... I'm going to end up throwing something at the old witch
Mine is a Gemini too 🙃 going through exactly the same. We’ve just managed one year of no contact, but she’s apparently weaseling her way back in at the moment 😒
My mother in law is a flighty dip shit libra, I don’t get along with air signs in general! I find Gemini, Libra and Aquarius to all be very cold and it seems like they are not happy unless there is drama and they create drama!!!
It's important to acknolwedge what past mistakes happened and come up with a plan together to avoid repeating history. What could you and him did diffferent last time? What things did you regret? How could you have avoided the separation 12 years ago? And then work collaboratively on figuring out a plan together.
I've put up with my evil mil for over 30 years now. I still remember the very first time she said something hurtful to me. My husband(then fiancee) had to go to the in laws house to help his dad with something so I rode along to visit. I told her that my mom was on her way to pick me up to go out for lunch, take me to try on wedding dresses. You know how thats supposed to be a super fun day for mother's helping daughters pick out wedding dresses. I got into my moms car and waited until she backed out of their driveway and I completely lost it. I was so devastated. My mom was so livid that she wanted to go back and have it out with her and I said no just let it go. I should have taken that as a warning and just broke it off at that point and never looked back. I've never been or never said anything mean or hurtful to her. I avoid her as much as I can and excluded myself from his family's gatherings up until August when my fil passed. Since then my mil has been so clingy. I get it that she lost her husband of 65 years but she has stirred the pot once again and has caused friction between my husband and I. I've asked him to stick up for me but he said he can't say anything to her right now because she's still missing his dad. Like for real...she can still say and do shit to piss me off but since she lost her husband that gives her a pass to be a douche bag to me.....yeah um ok!!! I'm just so thankful that my family is nothing like his. They love my husband and treat him with the utmost respect.
His toxic mom talks about me behind my back all the time to their other family members. After she found out I knew about this she now tries to “act” nice to my face while still being passive aggressive. She’s also somewhat influenced his siblings as they also will talk sh*t on me if we have plans and can’t attend something that they want to do. This has gone on for 2 years now, and it’s to the point where I can’t stand going to any of their family events anymore anyway or even be in the same room as them since I know how they truly feel
I'm not a confrontational person because I don't like drama. It's always been easier for me to ignore them or their disrespectful remarks because I don't want the rest of the day or vacation to be awkward. I need to know when it's better to just tell them off. I wish I did it from the beginning of my marriage.
So my in-laws always make everything about them. My husband and I have our little 2 month old princess. I’m from South Africa and my big family isn’t here. I only have them and some friends. Whenever my husband and I want to spend time together as a family with the baby , then mother in-law gets upset because she wants to see the baby even though they come over every Sunday wanting to do dinner. We can’t relax and do what we want to do because they’re always in our business and wants to say too much when it comes to my daughter. They’re demanding and doesn’t respect us as parents. Mother only thinks we’re keeping the baby from her but she sees us every Sunday and when we’re busy, she thinks we don’t want her to see the baby. I’m so sick of them. Everything revolves around them! And they’re so fake, saying they love me as a daughter in-laws but talks about me behind my back. How the hell do you deal with all of this!!!!!
That sounds extremely frustrating Hayley, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I think it's important that your in-laws assume positive intent from you so they can realize that you're not trying to keep the baby away from them and also so they don't talk behind your back, because that obviously doesn't feel good when that happens and causes more issues down the road. Is there any way your husband can talk to his parents about all this?
I'm so glad I watched this. I'm 5 years into my interracial marriage (I'm Black, Native & white; SO is white). Since the start, we've had issues with his family. It has been racist, sexist, abusive, etc. It's as bad as it can get without physical violence. Your video makes a great point about how the SO should be the one to confront their family, while leaving an exception that sometimes it's OK to confront in-laws yourself. What has happened is my in-laws typically harass me via messages & calls outside of my husband's view. So when my husband confronts them, he's going off of some messages he read. And a lower understanding of racism & sexism than I obviously have as a woman of color. He often mistakes what was exactly said, which leads them to become defensive & pettily dispute the details when he's trying to get at the true underlying issues. Plus he's not an expert in navigating conversations on race- though he's slowly becoming one! I wouldn't have married someone who was completely clueless to these topics. But because he's not able to articulate all the time exactly why something was racist, the in-laws will speak in circles, gaslighting, using it as an opportunity to complain about me further AND put him down. He's also non-confrontational by nature, which had to change real quick. They've manipulated him & been toxic towards him as well, leaving us wondering if we should even attempt to repair things. Currently, we aren't on speaking terms with several members of his family. I don't personally ask him to make amends with them because I hate seeing him hurt afterwards. However I've offered my emotional support & let him know I support what he wants to do. Does anyone reading have suggestions for someone at these crossroads? Been here yourself?
I’m in the same boat. Not married but he plans to..which makes things difficult. So far, I’ve had to defend myself in the fact that I do not believe that are just a family full of racists, but say offensive things that seem a bit off and..coming off a bit racist. So it’s very hard to maneuver how to go about what is said if the SO tries to defend or try to interpret a meaning behind what was said. I’m learning that I have to point out what was said immediately that seemed off or it just didn’t happen like that.. in their eyes.
Sucks when you live with the patriarchal Asian father in-law. There is no running away and no fixing anything. I’m about to just smack the shit out of him. I think that’s the best way to go for me. Completely loosing my mind, my husband might as well be married to his dad, he NEVER supports me. And he NEVER addresses the problems with his dad.
They are out there! Be cautious it is real. Its like they plot and plan a downfall. Be strong. Don t let it make you bitter or down, understand they are just not well.⭐
I moved 3 hours+ away from my family to be with my fiance, been here for 9 years. We've been together almost 10 years and have 3 children. From the start I've done basically whatever they asked of me, favors, family gathers and allowing parenting input. I went through terrible PPD 3 times, they completely isolated me. Would invite my sister in law over but not me. When I was around talked down about people with depression. My father in law would make racial and anti authority comments ( I'm mixed race and both my dad and brother are police).They started trying to control everything that happened with my kids, signing them up for extracurricular without asking etc(we already are on overload with hockey). When I said I was worn out they acted like I was a bad mom. This got so bad I ended up having a complete mental breakdown I was on suicide watch for a week. During all of this they did not say a word to me, still haven't. Not a ounce of empathy ever. My mother in law flaunts herself as a selfish person and as long as she's good thats all that matters. My psychiatrist had me cut them off on a casual level. Having inlaws that are sociopaths is so distressing. We are getting married in April, they could care less. My father in law book a vacation so he won't be there....and this is why we plan on moving to a cabin in the wood. I wish I was joking.
I feel really sorry for hearing this, my wife's parents about the same if not worse..... They make my wife not able to see me for weeks all the time and when me and my wife had our first baby, they asked their own daughter if she could ABORT only because we are not in our 30s yet.... And I CANNOT believe my wife was so calmed with them saying that. And guess what, my wife had a miscarriage few days ago, and they did not show any sympathy, it's pretty obvious they are super happy that their grandchild is dead rn.
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What about a sister in law that is bossy. She enjoys people fetching for her. I refuse...it's causing problems the guy I'm dating. I feel like screaming every time she opens her bossy fetching mouth.
I deal with a FIL who treats me as if I don’t exist...even in my own house!! My MIL lies about her likes and dislikes. Makes me look like a fool when I try to do something nice that I thought she liked, but when I try to show her something that I thought was in her interest, but she leaves 3 seconds later without saying a word and leaves me feeling so embarrassed. I haven’t talked to them in over a year and I can’t deal with them and their shadiness.
I've been completely verbally abused by my MIL and the worst part was my husband didn't do anything about it and got defensive when I asked him to stick up for me. We have kids together I don't know how to just walk away.
@@candyeye2962 I should thinking a lot now. We git engage in 2019, supposedly to get married in October. After I read this, I should gave more respect to myself. Even I dreamed to get married someday.
Girl, I can not thank you enough for this video. Feels like every single detail that you comment here was for me. That is exactly my mother in law! 🙄😩 She likes to stick her nose even about the toys that I get for my kids! 🤦🏻♀️Thank you again.❤️
Imagine being trapped in the MIL house due to covid (quarantined) and unable to fly home. (I'm only here because of hubby's request) My soul is fighting to remain at peace 😖.
It's so...so hard to ask a spouse to confront their parents....but....if it's years and years of....SHIT.....NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO! And make sure you thank, comfort and LOVE that spouse for standing up and by his/her family! It's FANTASTIC once those TOXIC in-laws are GONE!! 8 YEARS AND COUNTING....
My husband never could confront his toxic mom and now he's dead because she enabled his addiction and never was in support of us having a healthy marriage/family.
@@clairmichelle 😔😔😔 I am so incredibly sorry Clair...so sorry...You and your husband will now be in my prayers...that he finally at peace... and you have found/find peace without the chaos 😔😔
Best way to deal with toxic in-laws is to avoid them as much as possible or cut them off completely! My fiancé is lucky because my family is good people and treat us both with respect!!! Unfortunately for me I inherited 4 psycho in-laws my mans mom, dad, stepmom and step dad are all extremely toxic, including being drug addicts, alcoholics and just all around intrusive, psycho and seriously toxic!! On multiple occasions they have nearly destroyed my relationship, by the grace of God his mom and step dad moved far away and out of state but his real dad lives close by and stops by on occasion and likes to preach to us how we should live and spend our money even though we both work and all our bills our paid and his dad has never helped us once in 15 years!!! Also his dad favors his step sister even though her and her husband are not totally financially independent and rely on her own mom and my mans dad constantly!!!! I never hear my mans dad praise him ever! The only reason I don’t move far away is cause my parents live near by!
Hi there! I have heard so many stories very similar to yours. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so happy that you and your fiance have been able to make it through as a team, and not allow your in-laws to destroy your relationship. Sounds like you two have a solid foundation and amazing longevity! 15 years is a very long time! Obviously you two are doing something right :)
Kristin Coaching yes very sad so many people are dealing with toxic in-laws! Mine are so terrible my mans own sister has completely cut them all off for the sake of her children! She does not want them around toxic grandparents and she confessed to me she was molested by the step father and her mom or dad never stood up for her!!!
@@MelModica Ugh, that's so sad that happened to her! That's the ultimate betrayal when people refuse to hear your truth. That's why sometimes you simply can't rely on other people to give you what they don't have, compassion and love and understanding. So we have to find that within ourselves and other healthy individuals. Thank you for sharing!
Rhonda Ramsey we have never gotten married and honestly his family is a part of the reason, I don’t want to have a wedding and have to have them there, and I never wanted kids to be around such sick people but I love my fiancé, unfortunately I think too many people deal with toxic inlaws, by the grace of god mine live far away but unfortunately they are coming to visit next week, I am dreading it and honestly planning to pretend I’m sick!
I am in the exact situation right now - and never in my life did I think I would have to go through this. BEING JUDGED WRONGLY is painful and unfair especially when you can’t defend yourself. My partner is a great guy and he stood up for me - but the fact that they his family will mean no matter how far I distance myself, they will always have an excuse to be around me and I don’t really know what to do.
How do you make your partner set those boundaries??? Whenever I try to confront him about this he takes the side of his family, and we end up fighting.
@@scottli7849 Scott Li It is sad. Especially when you so badly want to be happy and want everyone to get along. However, not everyone feels this way and many people thrive off chaos. Which is the case with my mother in law. She simply refuses to accept me or the relationship I've formed with her son, and holds grudges for years, and years, aaaannddd years! The woman is determined to find any flaw she can in me and so badly wants the relationship to end so she can have him to herself. Which I find particularly creepy and strange. Why wouldn't you want to see your child happy with someone that makes them happy? The fact that shes so hell bent on disliking me and doesn't understand that she shouldn't put herself in the middle of our relationship...and wants us to no longer be together and her son be alone..and I'm not the first woman to have an issue with her. Shes done this his entire life.. its just plain sad and hurtful..to both of us. And even more so that he won't stand up to her and let her know she has a place in his life. However her place is NOT to cause problems in our relationship..or think she has some type of control over our relationship. I wish you luck with your situation and hope things get better for you!
@@ashleykristina2964 so sorry to hear that, that is also exactly my mother-in-law, and sadly me and my wife's relationship is already destroyed by her.... My wife chose her once again, like she always had. I hope your situation gets better tho!
Wow wow wow! This was simply life changing advice his life changing advice. I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I don't feel alone as much anymore. May God-bless you for all of your content, it has really been helpful for me.
My in-laws are odd. I don't know they are jealous or not..whenever my husband is with me in my room they just come sit and talk ..no privacy at all..otherwise they would give him work so that he doesnt be at home..and whenever my husband is not home they close their door and have private talk..
@@pmbarro I live in New York and my fiance and his family lives in Jersey. Right now hes on probation so his mother wants me to move in with the family. I dont really want to move in with the family because all my family live in New York. I also go to school and work in New York. I dont know what to do. I need Advice!
@@africanqueen5292 you and your fiance need a better plan on what you're going to do BEFORE you get married. Otherwise this can cause tension between you and him. If you do agree to go over there, you need an exit plan with him otherwise you'll be there for years.
Hi Kristin, I am very thankful for your tips. And I would like to share my story with you too. My husband and I moved in with his parents two years ago due to his severe illness. Recently, we realized that we were in this kind of toxic family environment, so we made our decision to move out. For us, it was very hard to notice we were influenced by this toxic environment to begin with. We wondered why we fight about things that weren't causing problems before. We got angry and released it on each other. We couldn't be open and talk about things like we use to. We just don't have a life anymore. I think these are signs to look for in the toxic environment. And privacy is definitely another key. My father in law often comes to upstairs to fix things whether we are taking a shower or in bathroom in the morning... Right now my husband is still very sick, but we are a lot more happier in our own place.
I'm proud of you two for getting your own place after recognizing the toxic environment. That was very courageous of you two. We need to take control of our environments and our lives, and you definitely did that. It's great you had the awareness and self-reflection to make those necessary changes. I'm happy to hear you two are happier now. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish you and your husband the best.
My fiancé works away from home for months and I’m left to deal with any issues that take place. Little jabs, insulting remarks, intrusive behaviour towards me. I didn’t disrespect her or say anything that would merit the treatment. Her excuse is that she says stupid things she doesn’t mean. For along time I took the high road and didn’t say anything but at a certain point I had enough and I confronted his mother, I told her what she did specifically and how it bothered me. She made excuses for herself, everything I brought up she either; didn’t remember saying, I misunderstood, she blamed her trait of saying stupid things or it was her son (my fiancé’s) fault. After I was done having my 2 hour long discussion with her, I thought we had made some headway. Even though she didn’t actually admit to anything and pushed blame elsewhere I thought maybe she would be more aware of her mouth and how her words may affect those around her, given that she was aware she had that problem. Nope, it continues every time I see her. I reached out to her after this thinking things would be different and she was just as rude as before. I used to get along with all other members in the family and since I confronted her their attitudes towards me are different. I know she talks bad about me to other members in the family and because they’ve only heard her side she’s painted herself as some victim when I didn’t do anything, I only confronted her because of the hurtful things she did to me. I don’t even know how to deal with her and honestly I’m starting to not even want to bother with her. Any advice? I like a peaceful existence, i had it prior to this relationship, if this is going to be an ongoing thing I know I’m going to leave him.
Yes! I think you are 100% right about not confronting yourself with in-laws , because it creates negative vibes and etc. I would just say , just ignore them what they say or comments and think how they are stupid. Like: “ Uhhh how can human be thaaaat stupid???” and just ignore and think about other positive things that you have to do .😉it helps me lol I hate my in laws lol
Getting a divorce is the only answer to my marriage. My husband tells my in laws everything. They make me feel like a stranger in my home they tell us what to do in our house. They don't come over anymore thank god. I completely cut them off as well as my husband. They control him so I decided to end my marriage. I have been with this man for nearly 17 yrs. His family is narcissistic as is he.
I feel like my in laws create competition between my husband and I, like there’s no way I can be “better” than their son. They minimize my accomplishments and when giving complements to something I do alone, it’s towards “us” or if both of us work on something together, HE only deserves the praise. So what next- if I’m pregnant, my husband is the only one solely responsible? He pushed out the baby and went through child birth?
My father in law always gives us last minute notice when he's coming to visit and never tells us when he's leaving. It's so disrespectful to invade our space and life like that.
I don't care there is no upside to being with these people blood or not. You need to do what's best for them and for you and stay away from them entirely. Everything you do will be perceived as a slight and they are just looking for a reason to demonize you instead of having to look at themselves ever
These are generally helpful tips but doesn't apply to all situations. If the rudeness from in laws is a repeated pattern over the span of years to the point of it being abuse, then it should be fine for complete avoidance of certain family members in most cases. Also, if the attacks against someone are in the moment and direct and spouse is not present, then by all means defending oneself should happen for the sake of preserving one's self esteem.
You're right Geraldine. There are definitely more scenarios out there that cause for other actions. I say hey, as long as it works for you, that's what matters most. I really appreciate your insights, and thanks so much for taking the time to comment!
First of all, thank you very much for your kindness to share this precious advice. I have something to share with you. It feels so good in a moment when a family shares happiness, and welcome a new guest to our family (sister in law). But sometimes life throws at us some people we have to handle and experience it whether its good or bad, so it's life. My sister in law; I have never encountered a woman like her in my life. She is a very toxic person, every time trying to make me believe that I am not good enough at anything I do or whether it is something that concerns me or my goals in the future. For example: keeps telling me and other members of my family you're not good, your skin is yellowish, you look fat, or look at your hair, you cant do it, etc, etc ...then starts to compare herself to others. To be more specific, I don't know if she feels jealousy in everything, but she is one from those who gossip badly about others, insulting brings her relief. Please I need your help if I'm doing the right thing, The only thing I'm doing right now is ignore her, and smiling as usual like nothing happened. I was always kind, and I hate hurting other people's feeling. One more thing, I always didn't pay attention to the things she was doing and saying, but the rash is enough I can't bear more! My mother even warned me about her while I was defending her. Because I always see the good thing and the good side of everything. I want to know if I'm doing the right thing?
my inlaws interfered and take side when me and my husband having a disagreement. Not to mention countless times of interfering with our decision, from wedding prep, buying house, to buying a vacumn cleaner. My father in law used to put me down in public with his loud voice, and disrespect me during conversations. Thats why they are not in our house anymore, it doesnt take that much to break the bond between inlaws. Nowadays im not interested in dealing with them at all, just get my husband to firewall them.
Kristin Coaching, I’ve begun to see some toxic things about my in laws that is causing me to fight with my husband. They don’t seem to have connected the dots that my husband is a married man, working a full time job and hopes to have at least a child one day. I’m still on the fence about children, but I do love him so much. Recently my FIL (who is super hyper focused on money and hyper focuses on other things including our business) prefaced a statement with, “”I don’t want you and your wife to have any children,”’ to, “‘Have you thought about divorce?”’ I’m not a crier, but that one broke my heart. I’m trying to get motivated by looking for a full time job and eventually enrolling myself into school, by his parents standards I’m not going fast enough. It’s tearing my husband apart as their only son, but they seriously need to but out of our lives. How do I go about this?
Hi there, I'm so sorry this is happening and his parents aren't being supportive of the relationship. Like I mentioned in the video, your husband needs to show a united front with you and ask them to not make negative comments about you or the relationship. It's disrespectful to you and to the relationship you have built together. It doesn't need to be a super huge negative interaction that your husband has with his parents. It can be said respectfully to them, and said to them with love. That way it doesn't drive a wedge between them while simultaneously showing solidarity between the two of you. I wish you the best!
What would you recommend if your spouse is not willing to talk to his family? My mother-in-law has crossed some major boundaries for me (rearranging my livingroom furniture when I'm out running an errand, repetitively referring to herself as "Mommy," to my 9 month old daughter etc) but my husband thinks his Mom is great and perfect. He doesn't see those things as things that need to be addressed or boundaries that we need to set. It has gotten to the point that I literally feel sick to my stomach when she is around. I think it would be better coming from him and not worded like this is what "Ashley" wants, but what "we" want. If he won't address it do you have any tips on how I can create boundaries with her?
Hi Ashley. Yes, I definitely think he should address it with her. Even if he doesn't necessarily agree with you, it's important to respect your wishes and show a united front. If he's not willing to talk to her, I think sitting down with her over some coffee or tea is good, and then just use as many "I" statements as possible. For example, "I feel uncomfortable when the furniture is moved because I put a lot of thought and effort into putting it where I think is best, and it hurts my feelings when you move it because it makes me think that my choice isn't' good enough. I would really appreciate you not moving it in the future". and another example: "I know you love my daughter very much and she loves you. I don't want your connection with her to ever change. That being said, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you ask her to call you "mommy" because that is what she calls me and I don't want want to confuse her. I am more than willing to have you have a special name or nickname with her, but I would like to reserve the "mommy" names for me. I hope you understand".
My hubby didn't want to address the boundaries issue with his mom. I was maxed out after few mts of marriage. Caused huge argument and he finally spoke with her. In the end she said she'd never come over our home again 👀 (dramatic eye roll). Perfectly fine by me, but I feel my hubby didn't convey message properly and may even threw me under the bus. But has to be addressed early in the marriage. Part of problem is him and having issues with confronting her, or people in general. He's admitted she's overbearing, but timid to address directly with her. It was a growing pain for him, but had to be done. We will see how it goes, having a baby soon, so not sure if this will help or hurt the in law drama.
@@FitRealtorMommy Congratulations on your growing family! Yes, this can definitely be a process, and it's NOT easy to do. Hopefully he can work on his communication skills with his mom and talk to her in a way that unites you two without making you the "bad guy" so to speak. I'm sure his intentions were good, so that's important to remember. but as you have identified, he still could use some finessing when talking with his mom. I wish you two the best! Keep moving forward.
I have the worst in laws imaginable. My wife’s brothers are a bunch of wannabe criminals. Her sisters make stupid decisions and constantly ask my wife to bail them out financially. My wife even co-signed a car for her sister, then the sister screwed up my wife’s credit. We ended up having to pay a higher interest rate on our house because of it. I ask them not to smoke weed at my house, or come to the house smelling like weed and they do it anyways. The mother spanks my kids (we don’t spank), and after I told her she couldn’t do that she tried to pot my wife against me. It’s bad. I don’t know what to do with these people.
I guess the best thing to do is to come into the room with so much positivity that they eventually realize their negativity is not affecting you. It’s sad bc I love my in laws, but they’re very strong minded, and threatened by me being with him. Nothing I do is good enough. So I just have to not care.
I'm not even married- my cousins wives are the prob. They can't stop talking about me. They started turning everyone, even my own parents against me. There's absolutely nothing I can do and no tips or tricks to handle them. I'm so alone on this
Dealing with in-laws is simple. "Either you respect our boundaries, or you can leave or your son/daughter can leave with you." If your spouse can't stand up to their parents, they will never stand up for you. You should also never allow your spouse to make you think you have to keep the peace with their parents.
Agreed. Although people can change. My husband used to be a “mama’s boy” and defend her, cater to her, allow her to baby him, etc.. And as we’ve grown, I’ve put my foot down more and he’s grown to see her disrespectfulness towards me and us as parents. So he put his foot down with me. And now, we’re a team and our kids don’t see his mom anymore! Even when he talks to his mom, he doesn’t talk about the kids. So I’d say, people can change their ways once they change their perspective. You just have to help them change those things sometimes!
@MommyMoniquex5 I certainly believe people can change. Her stubborn parents won't. I never wanted to put my foot down with them. They forced me to. They've missed out on years with their daughter and grandkids because they think they're more important than our marriage. All they had to do was swallow their pride and respect our boundaries. They won't. So they're gone. I gave them a respectful way to opt out of their ways. They want it their way or the highway. They showed my wife their true colors and I no longer have to deal with them.
@@freedomisntfree131 Same exact situation here honestly. We tried. All we asked was basic boundaries and not to be toxic. And they chose not to listen to that, but instead blame us as the reason there are issues 😅. So same situation- they don’t get to see their grandkids now! Sucks for them, but that’s how things work when you don’t respect their parents! I’m glad your wife supports you in this btw! Very smart lady you have there! Good luck 🤗
@MommyMoniquex5 I feel bad for your kids. They deserve better. We have 2 young grandkids now. I easily swallow my pride to be around them. I had my time as the parent. They don't need me intruding. Good luck to you too. I'm glad your marriage survived the in laws.
@@freedomisntfree131 Awe, that’s awesome. You sound amazing. Wish you could be my in-laws instead lol. Luck of the draw, I suppose 😅. But yeah. Some of my kids don’t understand yet. I do feel bad about that. But atleast my mother is very respectful so they know they have one set of respectful grandparents that they’ll be able to turn to. ❤️
My husband left 3 months ago, I don’t get along with his family and it’s because they don’t like me. It’s like he’s afraid to stand up to them, he doesn’t want a divorce just space for now because we argue ALOT about how his family disrespects me and my kids
I'm so so sorry your in-laws are impacting your relationship this much. It isn't fair and I think you and your hubby really need to sit down together and figure out collaboratively how you're going to make it work with this dynamic.
If the man left you for over 3 months.. and is afraid to stand up to his family,, claims he needed space away from you due to the arguments you have with him about his family he's basically telling you you're less important. Move on he doesn't care enough to have you in his life. If he's a real thorough dude he'd try to understand where you're coming from.
Oh my. Such a big one. Don’t discuss negative aspects of your relationship often with family. They will take your side and start not liking your spouse! Unless you are being emotionally or physically abused, keep that other stuff private!!
My sister law said to my elder sister that "My brother is suffering cz of ur sister I was like waaaattt. It's a big statement according to me One should think u r making an impact on two ppl lives. I dnt knw but inside u get broken..
my MIL no joke told me I was abusing her son bc I made him help with the baby during the night like 1 time throughout the entire week 😄 he could punch me in my face (just an example) and she would ask what I did to provoke him. she literally broke us up for awhile until he realized he would rather spite her than not have his family intact lol so I won in the end
I thought my in laws liked me until I asked my husband to come home from his visit so we could do some chores before church. She freaked out and called him a victim of abuse. And said I was keeping him from her and that I was manipulative. They then unfriended me from social media and have barley talked to me... it feels like it is not getting better even after doing these suggestions. She can’t handle anything
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I know how frustrating and confusing this may be. It's important to remember that you can't force other peoples behaviors. You only have control over yourself and how you react/handle the situation. So I would continue to do these steps and make sure you and your husband keep an united front. They should come around eventually, especially if your husband encourages them to show you respect, even if you're not the best of friends.
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I have a horrible mother-in-law that is insulting, sarcastic, arrogant , rude , loud controlling , manipulative, covert , passive aggressive,. All the tricks in the book she's got down pat . I get anxiety when ever I have to be around her . I wish I could avoid her 100% but I can't . How can I get control of my anxiety when I'm around her. I get physically and emotionally sick.
Ugh Sandra. I am so, so sorry you have to endure this type of stress. I know how awful this can feel, and I know so many people relate to your situation so much. I think it's all about having a powerful mindset when you're around her. Saying positive affirmations to yourself before she comes over or before you drive over there is a great start. Tell yourself that you are strong and you are not going to allow her to have control over your emotions. Take your power back from her. It's not fair to you that you are experiencing so much stress. Mentally block the toxicity out. That is really important. Meditate before hand if you need to, do a little work out. Get your mind clear before going into the situation. And of course take breaks during the interactions as well. Go outside and breath the fresh air while telling yourself the affirmations. Remind yourself that this situation is temporary and that you are strong and will get through this. Also, if there's anything your husband can do to set limits and boundaries with you Mother in Law, make sure he does that too!! Knowing he's right next to you, supporting you, will also help get you through it. You got this.
I've concluded my max allotment of time around my MIL is 12 minutes... Yes, I've timed it! After that she gets comfy and starts gossiping about hubby, his daughter, whoever comes to her mind, or she'll target me with snide comments. I've learn to keep convo light n generic, although she'll try to turn it into something negative. I promise I'm going to start recording our convo because she's often twisting my words or saying shady mess, my hubby won't believe. He knows her better than anyone, so still astonished me he defends her nonsense.
@@FitRealtorMommy Wow, I'm impressed you know the exact time limit! I need to test that out with toxic people in my life too! Thank you for the tip and I wish you the best with your MIL situation, and hope your husband comes around more in terms of not defending her behavior. You take care! :)
This is my exact issue. My partners mother calls him far too much when we try to enjoy tine together and constantly pesters him, causing tension between me and him. Shes also very hostile towards me. The worst part is he doesn't acknowledge it and refuses to admit shes wrong.
Just to know, you saying not to talk to them or keep a distance for too long, is bogus. You obviously don’t have my in laws. When my kids tell me that they want to avoid being around them at all costs, you know there is something up with them. I’ve been married for almost 16 years and together for 19 years. They have mistreated me and my kids from day one and my husband was their puppet in the beginning and we weren’t united for a while cause he was acting like his parents were more important than me or the kids. Finally, fast forward to today and many many tears, pain, heartache, fights, about my DH never defending us has finally stopped. We haven’t seen them in over 2 years and I plan on keeping it that way. They refuse to improve themselves and refuse to see how their actions hurt ppl, so I’m not going to waste my time on ppl who don’t care. Life is too short. I would rather spend it with my own little family of us 4 and my sister and mom. No more than that. It’s truly not easy to put what you say into practice because they don’t work for everyone! I would think that if you knew my in laws, you would tell em the same thing.
I absolutely understand the concept that my spouse should be the one to approach his family however, he avoids it and only once he spoke up and that was because the disrespect was in front of others and my FIL caused a scene. I have been married to my husband for 12 years and I feel like I am at a place in our marriage that I know them very well and have my own relationship with them enough to be able to have a conversation about their toxic behaviors. I am very tired of being "respectful" and shutting myself down from saying anything to them about things that has bothered me in the past was well as the present. My husband actually (during a very dark time in our marriage) confronted my mom about things that bothered him without my knowledge or a chance for me to approach her about it. I think because of this, I feel like if he could do that to my mom, then I should be able to do it with his parents also. I am not coming from a place of malice (my husband was very malicious in the way he confronted my mom) but from a place of being a mother that wants to stand up for myself and my kids. I have to not only deal with my in-laws being invasive, disregard boundaries and disrespectful but he also has a "sister like figure" cousin that oversteps her boundaries when it comes to me being my children's mother vs her helping out because she's not a mother herself. So I feel like I'll always be the bad guy because I get guilted into allowing her to have her way because she can't have her own children yet, its unfair to me because I will never get these chances ever again with my kids. Sorry to vent but I am just at the point that I can't wait for my husband to have this well needed conversation with his family anymore.. I've waited all these years and it's an uphill battle... It's not just me, my BIL and his wife (My SIL) are in the same boat, difference is, my BIL sticks up for his wife and children, so much so that they are basically "the problem family" in my husband's family, I believe this is why my husband doesn't want to get on their bad side. I feel regardless, he should not care like his brother! I hate to compare them but I commend my BIL and his immediate need to set boundaries and sticking up for his wife IN THE VERY BEGINNING BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD KIDS AND SAID I DO!!!!I'm sorry rant over smh..
my in laws let me build a relationship with them not just me but my parents as well and then after we hit a year it was like if they flipped a switch just all of a sudden they changed up on not just me but my parents as well we all had a really good bond with each other what i had found out was that his sister out of jealousy created a false image of me and she was able to manipulate his parents and that’s when everything went downhill i’ve tried to apologize multiple times as well as my mom we’ve both apologized to them multiple times i had a good relationship with both his mom and sister just from one day to another there was a switch i don’t know what to do anymore can someone please give me some advice on what to do
I think you should try and have a sit down with them and your parents as well and see if you can talk about it, and figure out a solution on how to fix your relationship. communication is the key.
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I may just be speaking for myself, but I'm totally cool with my in-laws not speaking to me.. I just wish they'd stay out of MY financial situations. Just because I'm doing your daughter, that doesn't mean you get to treat me like a doormat, talk about me in your gossip, or that you get to control my life like you do hers. Just don't speak to me and leave me alone. 🤷🏼♂️
I married the "Golden Child". He is very passive. He'd been working and living away from his parents, and just didn't realize their toxic behavior. He didn't know how to confront them. And when he did, he said they were like talking to a Teflon ball. They said, "I never said that". "That's not what I meant". etc. etc. etc. As a result I suffered and took them on myself. It liked to killed me and my unborn child, with all their stupid phone calls. Then the Mother-in-law, didn't want to come to the baby shower, "If she had to dress up". In the end, I cut them off. He went over for birthdays. That was it.
