I just did that tonight and when I express something I’m not happy with I am the problem and she has no clue what I’m talking about my so called bff for the last 4 years is not a giver when asked her response was I don’t give because no one does anything for me which is a whole lie.
@@OneWhoKnowzi went through the exact same thing. my best friend of 8 years tried to tell me that i didn’t have the feelings i had, that it was my fault, i should’ve done more, etc. that’s what a narcissist will do. they are not wrong, they won’t be wrong. so, when you speak on something they’re doing, they have to deflect the blame in whatever way possible.
Exactly this is exactly that it’s a narcissistic person this narcissistic woman I knew constantly gossips about her friends others ones her family and her children and I bet she appears t them oh she nice she friendly she helpful haha they got another thing coming she doesn’t care about them she is a fake to all of the people in her life they don’t know who there dealing with she is toxic manipulative and they are all blind to her one day I hope they see what I saw am sure they will someday.
Red flag when they low key put you down. My Narc friend would ask why I always have to wear makeup and then try to fix herself up. Always comparing when you not thinking of them as competition.
Same here. I stopped dying my hair recently and started to embrace my grays. My friend told me that I did not look right and I should color my hair. He said that he would never let his grays grow out like that. He said he makes me look old. I told him that there is nothing wrong with getting older, I am still beautiful. He made a grunting noise, like ummm whatever.
Yes, my ex-friend would always try to make a joke out of the put-down, and never give me compliments while expecting me to always lift her up. example: in a group text send a picture of a dude, and then say doesn’t that look like me. So to insult me to more than one person. Birthday wishes were always something like .. best wishes to an old hag.
Thank you so much. I tell my daughter, who is 19, this constantly. This generation seems to make friends quickly and disclose everything to eachother. Dangerous
@@mrfake675 I was in a relationship with a narcissist that might be a sociopath or psychopath as well. The whole relationship I questioned my self worth. He would lift me up just to stomp me down over & over again for 3 years. Everyone told me to get out & run away, but I couldn’t see why, I was in love with all the good we had that I honestly pushed all the bad aside to make him happy. But the truth was he was happy when he made me feel low. He was the happiest when he knew I had given him control it. The moment I stood up for myself was the moment it got physical. He made me out to be the “crazy” woman online & his friends would laugh at me for the things he did to me. I was embarrassed, ashamed & low. The whole thing was so stressful I landed myself in the hospital with a heart problem. Even then I didn’t see it for what it was. He was no where to be found as I would collapse on the floor from poor circulation. Even then “I was making up illnesses for attention not until a friend of mind introduced me to this hacker on INSTAGRAM tech_expert211 who helped me to access my husband's phone & gave me all the necessary informations I need so i can get a divorce,now I'm free from my narc husband
Freinds who are covert narcs are 'secretive, sly, two faced, can 'act' pityful'' example put sad face up on their whatsapp or facebook, in order to gain your sympathy and get you to do things for them, they use the poor me syndrome until they have what they want, they are jealous, calculating, and methodic in their planning, they will ghost you, text you a mesaage and then not reply to your mesage back to them sometimes for weeks, they will spin your mind with their madness, they will create and cause ''drama' for supply -so they can sit back and watch the hell they have orchestrated , they will spill your secrets, tell people lies about you, all the while smiling to your face. stay well away when you realise you are around one of these, they are no good.
Careful: they'll try to come back through common acquitances. Ask you out for a coffe as if nothing, and say to other people you cut them off cuz you had a problem with them out of nowhere. Zero contact is the best option.
I noticed when I divorced and changed my status on Facebook to 'divorced' I had two old narc friends make contact with me almost immediately as they thought I was at my lowest and were very interested in me all of a sudden. When they realised that I was actually doing OK and was actually thriving, they disappeared again, not interested that I was happy
That happened to me when I was having problems in my relationship. My SIL was all the sudden interested in all the dirty details and was showing that she “cared”. When we resolved it, she was back to her usual toxic self. We went no contact 2 years ago.
I just went through this. My ex is a narcissist and after leaving I stayed with my "bestie" I soon figured out she was EXACTLY like him so I'm bowing out gracefully....now that I'm happy she hates her life and mine ..
The seduction and love bombing phase can be so overpowering. These people get inside our heads, devour our emotions and then weaponize them against us. This last experience I've had has put me off people altogether, I trust no one anymore.
Wow this is validating. I thought I was a bad person for not wanting to be close to my friend anymore. Overtime it just felt like there was this competition, disingenuous display of happiness for my accomplishments, scoffing at my achievement, trying to copy me, and every chance she gets she likes to exaggerate my flaws. I set boundaries with her and now it’s like dead silent when she used to call me 8 hours a day! I’m glad I’m where I am now though. Thanks for sharing your story!
Omg! I literally just got out of that. She literally never wanted to be alone and she would come over to my house and stay for days and weeks at a time. I love my alone time. So smothering! Girl go home. She never wanted to go home and much more than that happened but I'm finally at peace so I will leave it at that 😊 She made sure to make up stories to a couple mutual friends we have. Telling them I stole her money. Girl you on disability and I am a nurse. What money you have to steal smh. Still ain't bothered though. She can scream it in the streets for all I care as long as she stays far away from me
I don’t have a single meaningful friendship now. It’s weird how underpopulated my life is. Most of my friends in the past were toxic and treacherous. I didn’t know at the time but knowing what I know now the cap fits all of them.
@sara : Hi Sara, the reason you may have always attracted toxic friends could be because of your childhood wounds, low self esteem and not having boundaries. Once you start working on yourself, you will attract the right set of people. 🙂
I'm 47. I'm just learning what true friendship is all about. I've been raised in toxicity all my life. I never thought it was right, & I didn't feel good around them. But this is what I was conditioned to be around. I've been cleaning house🏠 since 2018 & Being very careful who I let in my life.
@Bethany, better learn at 47 than to wait to 77 .......lol. I am forever learning and after having a friend that was not respectful, overbearing, and not up front.......I got hurt very bad, then I had the light bulb moment, and learned about gaslighting......
Me too, i now have none smh im still trying to figure out if i created them because im 47 also snd weve been friends for35 yrs snd ive been the doormat Joke the whole time, helping everyone smh, best wishes dear
When you spoke of the constant phone calls & conversations, I have experienced that also with a friend.. Narcissistic people call us like that because in my opinion they are clocking us to find out our personal business to speak ill of us behind our backs! Over time, their energy becomes so disingenuous! They are also hypocrites! Petra, excellent video!
I just went through this myself. She was v intense at first, constant contact, acted sulky when I put up boundaries. She mentioned several times about dating women and her lesbian friends, I agree this is a common thing with narcissists where they try to test your sexual boundaries. She also said she was wealthy but 'wished she was poor.' My gut said 'be careful of this woman' but unfortunately I went through something difficult and was lonely so I leant on her for support. She seemed supportive at first before she started to invalidate me. I also noticed slight put downs like she wanted me to feel bad. She suddenly ditched me out of the blue by text message after acting like a best friend for a few months. I'm relieved she's gone but it was an unsettling experience. It taught me to keep trusting my gut, and learn how to have better boundaries in female friendships.
Yes, what is with the test of sexual boundaries? I'm happily married to my husband for 22 years, and the narc would sometimes make weird comments. Like she almost wanted people to think, when we were out in public together, that we were a couple.
@@Rongguang-jk7wo It's because they don't have a sexuality the way most regular people do. Instead they use sex for power. So if they think they can get something they want using sex they will, it's not about genuine attraction or love.
I'm so glad you are talking about this, it is important. I've had too many of these unhealthy friendships with other women. I also don't believe in tolerating relationships that are harmful to ones mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. These friendships are incredibly detrimental to you, Ebbing away at your life, in a most insidious manner.
I’ve walked away, ghosted 4 women that are narcissistic I realized these people had nothing to offer. It felt parasistic like they clung to me. I eventually snapped out of it. N left of course they all got mad o well. I was threatened I was down played competed with n on n on n on. Good riddance
Seriously Petra, your phone description gave me chills. That’s what my narcissist friend used to do to me. I used to stand there and allow her to rant at me, never responding. Until one morning two years ago. She called me early, between 6.30 7am. She began shrieking. I shrieked back this time. I’m free. She’s been stalking me, but at least she isn’t sitting on my couch draining the life out of me.
The odd sexual attraction is because the female narcissist will try to use their sexuality on another woman as a last draw to have power over you and try to attract/charm you. This is the go to area they go to with males, so it's a natural progression for them to try to have power over anyone. I had an old toxic narcissistic roommate try to come on to me to get something she wanted in the apartment that would've completely undermined me. Her voice changed higher pitched, she started batting her eyes and she stroked my arm as she asked to run over my boundaries. It was disgusting to me in that moment and I ripped my arm away from her with disgust. I had to get the police involved after that to get her out of my apartment. After an uncomfortable week she was gone. At one point toward the end I called her a narcissist and her response was "so what, big deal, oh well. Everyone knows narcissist can't change". I ended up having to pay her $600 to leave my apartment that she stopped paying rent on and I knew it wasn't fair, but freedom is worth way more than even a few thousand dollars. $600 was painful, but not as painful as having her holding my apartment hostage. Stay alert out there!
OMG I PRAYED TO GOD TOO ABOUT THE SAME THING.For Him to remove the evil that's affecting my attitude.I noticed everytime I spoke to the friend who recently dissed me....It was a saving Grace.She basically ended our friendship ...Praise the LORD....
I’ve had mostly toxic friendships up until a year ago. I don’t tolerate one sided people who only are into being around me when they only benefit from me and my pain. I don’t support women who cut me down and compete with me, express jealousy or insecurities towards my success and don’t try to pin other people against me, who ghost me after they get close to me because they find something out about me that makes them uncomfortable with me, who try to control my life and life choices. At 47 yrs old I strive for healthy connections with women who are more like minded, kind and open and understand mutual respect. It’s sad I had to let go of women I even had friendships with since highschool due to their negativity towards me but I don’t let anyone hurt me knowing they take pride in hurting me. I want people in my life who enjoy my company and want to have fun with me and also engage in my world as much as I engage in theirs and not at my expense. I’ve also had to learn boundaries and what I can and cannot allow to be treated by others. Thank you for this video. Very enlightening for my healing path. ❤️ this video also confirms I made the right choice by letting go of the friends I let go of even the ones who let go of me. Friendships I’ve learned are supposed to feel good and safe, not people to fear sharing your life with.
I can relate, and I also no longer permit one-sided friendships. She would ignore my text messages but expect me to always respond to hers. Phone conversarions were always 99.5 % about her, and as soon I tried to speak, she would disengage and pretend that something was distracting her.
@@ButterCookie1984 I can so relate to your situation as well! I let go of those one sided friends or they would end up fighting with me anyhow and project their defects on me. It was scary! I never realized how many abusive and mean girl friends I had until I needed them to reciprocate. Or until I became more successful with things in life than they perceived. Then jealousy attacks or they were mean towards my issues and past but open minded towards someone else who was also mean to me. I’ve never been a mean girl but a few years ago I found myself once again being bullied by so called friends, then I realized I needed help for narcissistic abuse even in my family. It became extremely clear to me that I was a target and a scapegoat. Now I’m learning boundaries, self care and saying no to people who don’t treat me well, even at first meeting. At 48 yrs old I’m finally learning to cultivate healthy positive friendships and relationships, only sticking to family members who respect me too. Good luck to you! It seems like you’re very well on the road to healing yourself. At least you see their dysfunctional behavior and recognize when you’re not being treated right.
@@LittleBird888 Absolutely, and you appear to be on your recovery road as well! I like that you mentioned the importance of establishing boundaries with so-called "friends". Its sad to know that there are people who constantly seek how much they can disrepect you. 😉
The sexual weirdness between you and the narc friend, especially in the presence of her partner in the car. It sounds as if she was purposefully triangulating you and her partner. Trying to create this psychological suspense of could you two be secretly engaging in a romantic affair. You know, holding your hand asking you to move up front. Asking him to sit in the back was a devaluation tactic. She was most definitely putting on a show. I've had lots of narc friends. I'm so glad I tapped into my supernova empath self and eliminated all of them. Firm Boundaries, starving them from supply has always been the secret sauce. I really believe that narcissism is so much deeper than mental illness. But that it's also a demonic spirit that has attached itself to these individuals. Thank you for this video. 🙏💕🌈
I remember when i told this ex-friend that I've been noticing she only talks about herself, I was putting my heart out in a healthy way about something that was bothering me, you know what she replied? "Oh, I see...it's funny, that's exactly what I feel with *other friend*". LOL precisely, it's all about them, always.
Is my friend a narcissist or just rude? Always talks about herself, nonstop. Don't even try to tell some pathetic thing about yourself because we're sharing, right? You'll get talked over and low key put down and reminded how everyone always interrupts her (even when it's a story you've heard a million times about the good old days of how she was the star of every man's attention and her current bf is standing right there). If you even hint of disagreeing with her (she actually invents the disagreement whenever you don't enthusiastically, emphatically agree with everything), she will put words into your mouth and then make you eat them when you give encouragement about the same topic. She tells me what i think and how i feel, then subtly abuses me about my incorrect opinions (that aren't even really mine).
I am actually bisexual but I feel like the narcissistic friend uses that against me to try to get more power over me by teasing me and showing me her boobs and it’s actually turning me off.
i went through the exact same thing. she would flirt with me so hard when she was drunk and even said she considered asking me to be her and her bf’s third, after i got into a very healthy and wonderful relationship. said that us hooking up “just needs to happen someday.” she also flirted with my bf and called him beautiful in front of me and her partner! she’s been giving me the silent treatment since her bizarre behavior.
Just ended a narcissistic female friendship. It was everything you mention here. I have to note that I never felt safe with her from the get go. And I was right. Now, in retrospect, I can see her for who she is. I pray not to fall into this trap again. I take full responsibility for not ending it after our 1st time we hung out one on one, when she was compelling out of line with me because she was projecting her anger towards me from an argument she had with another woman right before we met. I was stunned and was waking in eggshells the whole time we were together. I even said to myself, oh, I will never hang out with her again... then she started inviting me to parties etc... in the end, I should have gone with my first instinct.
I am distancing myself from a 15 year friendship this narc has always been jealous of me . I cut her off for many years and she has recently resurfaced and I am happily married and she just can not stand it . She takes every opportunity to try to put me down or remind me of the past . A real hater . Well I am not the same person I used to be and this time after seeing her toxic behavior I have just simply began to grey rock her .
I remember when I told my narcissist female friend, after an unnecessary scene she made in a club with some friends of mine, that i don't understand why she needed to be so rude to these people and i started crying and saying that i feel she doesn't give a damn about me as a friend. She told me are you stupid, i love you, don't you see you're my best friend. We reconciled then but that event just didn't sit right with me. Now i understand why.
Yes, I had that same situation with my ex bf. I am so relieved I have discarded her. She definitely raged through mutual friends once I blocked her, and she still tries to stalk me.. Be careful of these people, they are demons in disguise and can crush you spiritually and emotionally. I've healed and have found my peace again. Be strong ladies 🙏
You just explained what I experienced with a friend and a relative it’s mind boggling. It comes out of nowhere. It changes you because you know that relationship will never be the same.
My ex narc friend was extremely charming and had a lot of positive energy that left me with feeling almost high. I , too, noticed feeling a sexual attraction. I have never shared that. Thank you Petra for sharing that aspect of the narc dynamic.
They'll love bomb you with compliments to lure you back into playing the game of constant competition and one upmanship. One narcissistic associate even sent me a picture of myself and used the word 'love' like it was money. I didn't respond. Another associate love bombs me with compliments about people I respect as tools to get my attention. As one of the life coaches on RU-vid said, "Love bombing is insulting. It makes one feel cheap." Don't take the bait!😂
Such a validating video. Thank you for doing another one on female friendships. It's a huge red flag when you feel like you're walking on egg shells all the time. That is so exhausting. And the silent treatment! Don't get me started. And their dismissiveness when you tell them you've missed them. I'm sure they get off on that. It definitely makes them feel powerful. Great video, and I could see you could go on for longer... Stay well dear friend xo
“Egg shells” is it! Every move you make, mine was just friend/neighbour, we’d meet in local restaurants sometimes, I usually arrived first and found best table, away from toilets, kitchen, walkways. She would arrive and immediately want to move tables?? “Why?” Id say “Just get your stuff and move!” I did like an idiot, I told my son once and he said she was controlling me! Wow I found out! Abuse by text! For nothing! Now no contact 🙏
I can relate to you speaking about the emotional outbursts, and mean texts. Gave me stomach aches.. and I finally ignored her and she blocked me. I was relieved she did so.. even after 25 years of “friendship”
I became aware of a narcissistic friend when I started watching your videos exactly one year ago. That person is not in my life anymore. I am a whole different person now, a little confused, scared but AWARE. I am healing and I just want to say - thank you for your videos. This really helped me a lot and I will share it with everyone that I know because I think this is the basic education that nobody has ever taught us in school. Self-love, self-awarness, self-care, confidence... not Pitagora, because if I knew all this as a child, or as a teenager I would maybe never become suicidal and depressed. Dear Petra, in those times I had no money for therapy and I pretended that you were in my room, and that helped me so much that you can't imagine. ❤️
I have realized, like yourself-that I am an "empath" and believe it is common for empaths to attract narcissists! I realize that has happened to me multiple times. I would leave the friendship, ostensibly, because I'm a loyal friend, and when it became clear to me that I did not believe most of what my narcissist "friend" told me, realizing they did not support me (though I never expected it-because I always allowed it to be about them)-that I could no longer be the kind of friend my integrity required of me. I slowly extracted myself from the "friendhip" and allowed them to believe it was they who had the control and making decisions to not have further contact. I didn't necessarily know this was a good thing, a textbook and healthy (for me)way to end our interactions as "friends", but am thankful now to all the teachings (yours included!)that is further enlightening me on this subject. Thank you!
I recently discovered that a friend of mine who has been my friend for over 15 years is a narc. She asked me to move in and I noticed her trying to copy me and be like me. Living with her was like walking on egg shells and the passive aggressive behavior was beyond belief. One time she hid all the pots and pans so that all I had to cook with was a cast iron pan she knew I hated. She even love bombed me when I first moved in telling me I’m amazing in every way but when I met a man and got married to him she changed into a different person then kicked me out. Months after having left her house, she texted me asking how are things. When I asked why she was suddenly interested she said she accidentally bumped the phone and sent it to the wrong person. 😂 yeah okay. She also has another friend come visit her around that time she kicked me out. Better supply perhaps?
The odd sexual attraction is so accurate! I to am heterosexual. The "friend" was attractive and liked to dress sexy. I knew she sexualized herself to men. But, occasionally I would feel so giddy around her I questioned my orientation. Looking back I realize she never really listened to me and there was no give and take in conversation. Instead she would listen to my conversations with others then enthrall me as she told spun a story that mirrored mine. The sad part is that she is now in Mental Health. She feels she is now so self aware she can just do therapy on herself. I first started pulling away from her when she did a technique over the phone without telling me what she was doing. I severely disassociated due to cPTSD. She just used me to practice on without considering how it might affect me. I also remember the weird conversations when I started to pull away. For instance she would berate me for not showing up at her parties when I would RSVP my regrets. I grew up with Narcissistic abuse. I could kick myself for not considering that narcissists outside of the family can play their games. At one point as I was trying to leave the relationship she creepily smiled at her new harem of friends and while looking at me said, "You know, I am a Narcissist, right"? I just laughed thinking she was joking. I realize now she was not. Even more she never recommends her family seeks therapy...she just does it on them.
Thank you for pointing out , " I could kick myself for not considering that narcissists outisde of the family can play their games" I thought I was the only one. Now I realise I was really scared to know that there were people like my narc birth giver , outside the house too !!! it's like what do I do now ?!! I wish I was taught about this knowledge in schools and how to navigate it. I would not have been in so much pain .. I wish someone could have told me when I was little that mothers , freinds , teachers , neighbors , bosses , colleagues etc ALL can be narcissists !!!! and how to navigate ! I am thankful for internet spread of knowledge about narcississm.
It’s so wild to me reading these comments and seeing so much of my friendship in them. The overly sexual nature towards me coupled with her never really listening, being competitive and imitating my choices? It’s as if some of these people could be related.
My first therapist was an abusive narcissist. It was confirmed by a later therapist who agreed that i was definitely abused. It's horrifying that a dangerous person like that can be in that position. She encouraged me to commit suicide in an offhand and mildly disguised way. She's now the director of mental health for abused women in Los Angeles.
I am currently divorcing my narcissist husband of three years. I went to visit my best friend of 10 years for two weeks. I saw a side of her that I have never seen before and did not like. I realize that she is a narcissist friend. Looking back over all of the years that we have been friends I realize how many times I was put down, gas lit, treated like a child, I excepted all the blame because she excepted none! I have just begun doing research on female best friend narcissist. This is an eye-opener! Thank you for your video, it has really touched me. Mandy ♥️
This is exactly what I went through! When she began attacking my husband and children, that was the beginning of the fog lifting. Thank you so much for telling us about your experience and how to begin to move away from the toxicity and to heal.
A Narc ''friend'' that I cut off is extremely Jealous & Envious of me, Insecure and dangerously obsessed with me to the point it was creepy. I swear she had some lesbian tendencies towards me. I am so glad she is out of my life
Omg story of my life and she had me feeling bad when thinking these things because she alwausbacted like she was so for me she was clearly against me and I get it now
A good friend is always on your side! That’s the statement I tell myself about the good friends I have. It makes me question, but the true friends I have are on my side! And I’m on their side. Even though they’ve told me a few constructive home truths which helped me! That’s fine. Narcs aren’t honest in that way.
Over 7 years with a so called best friend and my friend did all this. I started figuring her out and she would constantly play victim. This lady spoke facts.
With a cup of tea and watching your video I feel better now. It's not easy to realize I got a toxic friendship in my life. I need to detoxing again.. Thank u so much for your video 🌻
@@PetraVanDeijl she was my high school counselor....stayed in touch....took longer to see it due to limited time spent with each other...1200 miles distance. But very subtle and wasn't till last 12 years when I decided to have a voice that the mask fell off. Still took alot of hurts before I said enough. But felt special to be "loved" by her. She was like a mom, at least thats the role she high jacked....Many stories to tell. Wish I could write a book, but yes 4 years and still in thoughts, but no more pain and its behind me . But everything you said I felt. So I get it. Keep strong and keep moving forward.
your video touched my heart. I am currently in mourning for a friendship going down. The past couple of years has been very stressful and I feel intense guilt for not letting her know directly but I am trying to separate with no contact. Everything you said was spot on for what has been happening.
This is such a mature way of interacting with her! This video confirmed my doubt about a narcississtic friend I have and I really not want to end the relationship but rather set boundaries, and if that doesn't work I'll have to end our friendship.. Thank you so much for the help!
Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏 I’m going through a “friend breakup” with a narcissist female and while I’m sad the friendship is over, I know it is for the best. I’m tired of the gaslighting, the put-downs, the one-sided conversations… this was extremely validating and helpful.
Now I know to watch out for the boomerang, pretending her biting comments never were made... she has started by sending holiday greeting. Thank you Petra! I'm good!!
Thank you for this video. It helped me recognize the toxicity of one of my friendships. It’s sad because it’s a friendship of twenty years but I was done with her invalidating my feelings and putting me down. Saying things like « I’ve had so much patience with you », « you’re overreacting », etc I told her « if I’m too sensitive for you, maybe you’re not sensitive enough for me » in my farewell message to her.
I just let go of a friend that had that weird sexual attraction thing! I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt lesbian vibes. I think that she was going to pull that card in order to dominate me. Sex is a powerful tool in the narcissist arsenal they will do any and everything to manipulate and control! So glad I finally got out after 13 years......
I grew up with No friends, just frenemies for surviving mechanism at school. I didn't know until 3 years ago. When my frenemies wanted to follow me in facebook and go on with their passive-agressive or neglectful behavour. I'm helping my daugther who is autistic and is target for mean girls 😥 This sh..never ends. Being real is only way. It's painful but protect us. Hugs from Norway desde Noruega🇳🇴
Hi dear Petra. I have been watching so many of your videos this past week and am so so grateful for your insight. I am recently realizing just how much of a toxic and unhealthy “friendship” I have been in and how long I’ve been in this fog. I am completely struck by all the points you mentioned and how much they resonated. You mentioned something at the end that struck me about this sexual attraction that was felt by the end and how others from the outside thought this was a love dating situation. Oh. My. God. I would so very appreciate if this topic could be talked about more. She made me question my sexuality, I caught feelings for her, started really embracing the idea of I’m bi maybe and had a similar electrifying experience you mentioned and ever since then, she was able to have this hold on me, in addition to all of the other major red flags. Oh. My. God. My heart hurts from all this realization I’m having. I’d appreciate it so much. Thank you thank you thank you for all that you do.
Your genuine interactions and reactions are what makes you a person with intergerity and loyalty. Unfortunately, misdeeds are inserted in all levels of the friendship that you wouldn't even have a thought about doing but it's easy for them because the vices they carry in their hearts
Now that I found your channel, I'm listening to all of your videos. Holy smokes, did you nail this one. I would really like to tell my story here, but i do respect everybody's privacy, narcissistic or not. All I can say is thank you for taking the time to educate and help me to understand that I'm not crazy. I'm a year out of the friendship and never felt better. What a amazing learning experience..
I love your videos they are insightful and soothing and dont trigger me as much as others. These kinds of videos are triggering if you have experienced these relationships! My thoughts this morning when I woke up, when have you heard about a "paranoid" person that turned out to being wrong? Hardly ever, unless they are diagnosed schizophrenic. I have worked with so many women being in the medical field, working in nursing homes and medical clinics during the day and after hours. Dont get me wrong, there are compassionate people out there but the atmosphere of working with mostly women is stressful. There is always a narcissist in the bunch! You dont want to get on their bad side because they will sabatoge you, I had friends like this as well. You come off as paranoid, but every single person my stomach did that flip around turned out to be manipulative and sometimes it takes awhile for it to show.
Oh boy did I experience this just recently! My friend who called herself my bff/like a sister dipped out on me when she met a guy. I had started to notice red flags before she told me she was in a relationship. The dropped texts, not arranging to meet up, leaving me out of her wedding plans, her words and actions not matching etc. When I called out her behaviour the mask came off and the narcissistic came out full bitch mode! She subject shifted, blame shifted, used word salad and projected onto me. She was so condescending, belittling and used my trauma against me, by saying I’m confused, I think you misunderstood, and the worst there’s something wrong with your head. I called her out and said that is toxic behaviour and don’t gaslight me! She gave me a fake apology and nothing changed after. She’s marrying this poor guy now LOL. And on Tuesday my birthday she didn’t message me happy birthday - not that I needed to hear it because after that conversation I had decided the friendship was dead. I realise I’m at the discard stage now and I’m still shocked and numb. I can’t believe a 10 year “friendship” gone, but it confirmed everything resonated with what I was thinking and feeling. Good riddance but man does your guard go up after, and you want to stay in hermit mode forever… ☠️🌈❤️🩹🦋🙏🏽✨
I am sorry, I can really resonate with this. I’m in the discard phase following reunion with her partner and was gaslit with rage when confronted. It’s so confusing. She regularly call me her bf, true sister before this. There were red flags before this.
@@PetraVanDeijl I forgot to ask, did you also experienced the hoovering in these “friendships”? If so, when and how did it stopped? Maybe you could also make a video with this topic included? 🥰 Again, thank you so very much for sharing your wisdom, time and effort to make these videos. Words cannot describe how much they are helping
Ohhh I had a friend who was a covert "religious" covert narcissist who has a lovely baby girl. She is very irresponsible, envious, money hungry, like she was possessed by the jezebel spirit. She loves to play the scripture game as well. But she also transformed my life in a way cause I'm doing things outside my own comfortzone things I never thought I would do like making people aware of narcissistic abuse.
I've just walked away from exactly the same type. She always used scripture as a form of control. After being around her I always felt bad about myself and not good enough. She had zero empathy about the 10 years of abuse I'd been through with the ex. I literally just severed all ties with her yesterday. She's probably telling everyone I've got demons lol She blamed the devil when I told her to leave me alone a few weeks ago, she was putting on me so much I snapped. I apologised , never got any apology back, I don't expect one from her.
If you are heterosexual, the attraction was not a sexual attraction. What you were feeling is the spirit of Jezebel. I know what you're talking about. It is more like you were being seduced energetically. But keep in mind that in every single way dealing with a narcissist male or female, things are confusing in every way you can think of.
@@sophiemuradov5042 I think they are referencing the story of Jezebel in the Bible. I am not a Christian so don't know the story well but I believe she was considered a worshiper of "false gods" and was manipulative of her husband, King Ahab, to get Israelites to worship these "false" deities and then went on to do "wicked," manipulative, and immoral things. And I believe using her sexuality to do so through seduction?? I have seen in the narc community a spiritual explanation of narcissism as someone who is sent from the devil and I have seen female narcs commonly referred to as Jezebels. Again, I am not Christian but I understand why the Christian community explains narcissism this way. I'm not sure that description helped 😆
Petra, it would be great if you could make a playlist that's all videos on healing from narcissistic abuse and another on characteristics and issues about the abusers. Sometimes its nice to have a break from focusing on them and focus just on the healing tips. They are so exhausting and have the spotlight far too much already!
I love that you touch on this aspect, the dynamic in friendships, because most videos on RU-vid where narcissism is discussed often just mention the dynamic between parents and the one in a romantic relationship (those are also important). I think it will help many to see this video and others where friendships are mentioned in this context.
Please make a video about narcisistic sisters. In my case my mother and older sister are narcs. So I tended to attract narc female friends. Because of this, i don't trust other women and only have men- friends.
I can’t begin to explain how much this hit home for me. I am currently experiencing this and it’s confusing and it’s heart breaking. I love my best friend so much and I am still scared to lose her even with all of these habits coming to light.
Krystal, I am sorry to hear you're going through this too. I had a friend like that for six years and when it ended, I was devastated. The thing that kept me going was that she had told me I was too mentally unwell to cope without her and had no other friends, and I was determined to prove her wrong. If you have other good support people, tell them what's happening. My family and other friends insisted her behaviour was outrageous and that she was projecting her issues onto me and that helped me see the situation clearly after ages of doubting my own reality. If it helps, know that she needs you (for narcisstic supply) far more than you need her. For me, much of the grief was over the loss of an illusion. It will hurt a lot when it ends, but the pain lessens over time and you will feel much better once out of it. I remember a week or so after my toxic friendship imploded, I went to a personal training session and my PT said I looked like a weight had been lifted off me. Sending you strength and solidarity. You will be okay.
This was my lifelong friend of 14 years stopped as of yesterday. I sent her 11 years of pain and told her finally that she has abusive behaviours. Thank u so much. That sexual attraction you were talking about i have never had another women go through it!!! I want to talk to you in private holy moly!!! That doubt of my own sexuality at that time was so confusing, I couldn't understand why we were so attracted to eachother even though I was strictly heterosexual and so was she. Everything you mention is a tick on a box I'm stunned and so glad the universe brought me to you. The truth of the power of female intuition is so true thank u so much 😭😭
Thank you so much for this Petra, love your videos but this one resonated deeply. Everything you said here made so much sense...I remember a terrible time in my life about four years ago when a member of my family committed suicide, obviously my family were distraught, when I returned home after the funeral my ex-narc friend was calling me endlessly.. I set a boundary by not answering her calls, finally she turned up at my door and screamed (just as you described) 'you are not the only one with f***ing problems!" I was so upset I cried for an hour, but she still expected me to support her. That was the beginning of the end for me...I am really grateful to hear you story, it makes me feel like there are people out there that really understand the insanity narcs create in your life. Again, thank you SOOO much for what you do, your videos have really helped me find a path towards healing. So much love xxx
The sexual thing is so weird! My ex narc friend wanted naked pictures of me and videos of me and my husband. I’ve never experienced that from a “friend” before in my life!
I have had several people in my life like that friendships. I will never forget the one that screamed at me like you said. Never have I ever been talked to like that. The other one would criticize and degrade me, and I took it for years, when I confronted her, she said I guess I’ve been mad at you for a long time. I never spoke to her again. This was a 23 year relationship. Obviously she has serious mental illness, it was heartbreaking.
Happy to see you again, Petra! Narcs can be very deceiving in several ways just to keep up their fake reality...often gender doesn't matter. That's why they also "overgo" the sexual boundary too if they feel like doing so.
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you, I am fine - so far narc free....🙏😊 But: There is one very good friend of mine, she can be narcissistic too. The last time we've met at her place I told her that I know what is going on with her and that she needs games to survive. She plays them with their victims (men) because she's easily bored and had two heartbreak-stories to handle. Of course this is never a reason to play games with ppl anyways. I told her all the drama will only cause confusion and pain. She is very aware of that and she openly told me, that she enjoys the feeling of having power and control over others, loves to manipulate. I only laughed and told her, that this is energy losing nonsense, that constant drama would drive everyone crazy. She is the most adventurous and funny person I know, never boring. In these times I have to admit, I need a little narc crazyness around. I know... Playing with fire. 😅🔥🤔
Thank you for your work. It perfectly adapts to men that are spotted by narcissistic women in relationships in general, and "friendships" in particular
Okay, but......your voice is SOOOOOO soothing and I absolutely LOVE your delivery! You could literally talk to me all day and I would not get tired of it! You are such a soul full of wisdom! ❤❤❤
I started to feel very unsettled with a friend of mine a while ago: I realised I had given her so much time, so much help, so many hours of the phone listening to her woes. When the gossip about other people and negativity got too much, I started to notice it. I made a comment once about not feeling comfortable with her asking questions and talking about other people and I could see she didn’t like it. I help her at work and at some point she would call meto ask for advice repeatedly. I gave it as she took over a project I was giving up). Shortly afterward I realised this person only wants me as a support system: the calls stopped and she never had time for a coffee and a chat as the friends we were. Nope. I noticed how she changed her mind about a matter at a work meeting and made sure someone important got to hear how she had voted (she flipped her vote: to everyone’s surprise). I saw that she would throw me under the bus anytime. I now know she has used me to advance at work and now that she doesn’t need me, and as I don’t partake in her gossip and criticism of other people , I’m not fun. I also know that she will be gossiping about me to others. I also question now all the stories she told me where she had been ‘wronged’. Uhmmm…
This exact thing is happening to me now. The difference is that she’s my manager😩 She calls me constantly to gossip about other managers and team members. If I shut down the gossip or try to place a boundary, she gives me the silent treatment. I’ve also noticed that she treats me as if she doesn’t know me when in front of other people but when we are alone its another story. I’ve also been tasked with doing her job in the past but have put a stop to it recently.
Oh, the LOOK. I know the LOOK ! My narc 'friend' had this sort of 'head down to one side eyes up ' like a little innocent thing, especially when she was delivering hurtful words or a vile little plan of hers had come to fruition.
Dear Petra this is my first time watching your video. I subbed in the first 2 minutes, the way you speak is so calming and so beautifully! I grew up in a very volatile family background with parents throwing things on each other, screaming and lots of physical abuse. My mother is so highly strung. She screams at every little thing, even just asking you to open the door or passing her the salt and pepper. I realize I picked up the same traits and absolutely loathe the way I spoke for many years. By the way, my mother is an extreme narcissist. The older I get the more I see how abusive and destructive she is towards my mental health. But I love her and will always care for her. There is no changing for her but I am young and seeing my progress in my self improvement. I am learning how speak gently and calmly. Your voice is just amazing. Thank you.
Thank you K y, that is so sweet. I so sympathize with what you have suffered through for so long. Keep your eyes on the vision you hold for your life. Love on you and accept yourself with your heart and soul! Peace....
I have experienced so many things that you spoke about. This friend climbed into bed with me at her house. She's married and supposedly happy in her marriage. I'm completely heterosexual and i got so uncomfortable with it. I told her the next day how uncomfortable it made me feel and she said that she always snuggled with her daughter and basically it was all very innocent. I bought it, even though my gut said something was off. It was so weird.
