SIGNS THEY'RE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE | DR. KIM SAGE

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This video describes the common signs in people who struggle with being emotionally available, and are therefore emotionally unavailable, across a range of relationships.
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Опубликовано:

6 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 425

@dianalereve5402 Год назад

Ya it's a miserable thing to be with an extremely avoidant person i guess... personally, i can't take this behaviour at all. It's horrible when everything is about them and you kind of don't matter.

@ingeborgswieten3710 Год назад

Not all are with an avoiding character.. some have a sabotaging character of a confrontive one.. an avoiding character is the least trouble for the other.. the sabotaging one is hard to detect only u notice your life is going so darn hard and at 44 you suddenly in an epifany wake up to the fact they sabotage everything.. but the confrontive one.. is the most troubling for the other.. they dont give up mate.. they will never be quiet.. and ppl dont like that so they revenge..😢

@clairejohnson6522 Год назад

@@ingeborgswieten3710 Beware of Narcissists,they will make your life hell.Peace🕊

@cherylmockotr Год назад

Be careful... your comment makes it sound like you want it to be all about you instead. You may want to examine that tendency in yourself, or rephrase your wording if this isn't so.

@dianalereve5402 Год назад

@@cherylmockotr quite the opposite: i'm a giver, so i set in clear boundaries in order to not be abused by egomaniacs. Healthy

@GSXR750wx Год назад

Oh yeah, the confrontational ones are the most difficult. They come from chaotic families where verbal and physical violence is the norm. They hate you for being compassionate and patient. They wrap your kindness round your neck and choke you to death. You work consciously all your life to cultivate patience and kindness, and they turn your main strength into your biggest weakness, wrecking your (and their own) life in the process.

@mariazahl9149 Год назад

It took me years to understand that people that are emotional unavailable do NOT want emotional intimacy so it's doesn't matter what what you do or say. Just walk away.

@tc9737 Год назад

I dunno, I think they want it but when it seems to be a real option it scares them too much to have it.

@mariazahl9149 Год назад

@T C But if you want something you must go for ut even if it scares you to death or else you will never get it. I just don't understand them- everyone is scared to be hurt or get they heart broken in the beginning of a relationship. This state of mind to be avoidant is just sad

@tc9737 Год назад

@@mariazahl9149 I do not disagree with you. I do think a lot of people are in a sense prisoner to these fears you speak of and may need help (if there is desire to do so) to overcome them.

@mariazahl9149 Год назад

I know it's not easy but having been in relationships with avoidants it's so frustrating and sad. I belive it's something that can be resolved with therapy but like you said they need to want to change themselves.

@mariazahl9149 Год назад

@T C yes exactly 🤣what in me used to want people like that? I found out it was my own childhood wounds that I recreated in order to "fix" my past. I prayed and still do- for my own healing so I don't cause damage to others - and I went to therapy for 3 years every week. Now I don't date anyone🤣Because everyone I meet have emotional problems - maybe it's better to NOT heal and live happily as an avoidant - I really don't know

@michelekawamura1357 Год назад

Any future relationship I engage in that shows avoidant tendencies, I will bail immediately.

@carmadariacompaniona4181 Год назад

Emotionally unavailable people: 1. They avoid intimacy - emotional and/or physical 2. They avoid commitment 3. They get defensive and don't take feedback well 4. They often aren't available 5. They lack real empathy 6. You feel alone even when you're together 7. You don't receive support 8. They're conditional in their communication - on their terms. 9. They don't put a lot of effort above and beyond. 10. They don't have a history of long relationships. 11. They have physical affection issues. 12. They are secretive or confusing in their language. 13. They don't have respect for your time and planning. 14. They minimize your normal needs. 15. They have poor conflict approach - silent treatment, games. 16. You feel like you're giving more. 17. They can be overly rigid about how things go, the pace of the relationship; things have to be their way. 18. They engage in numbing behaviors, addictions, shopping disorders, video games. 19. They have never really loved someone. 20. They talk but don't listen. 21. It feels like you have learned to rotate around them and their needs. Do YOU do these? If you do in a patterned way, you're probably wounded.

@Yeahimalright 11 месяцев назад

18. Could include mobile phone addiction. Especially when you have alone time and they spend there attention to their phone

@mexican_wbc9946 7 месяцев назад

So I thought I was one but a lot on here doesn’t relate to me, I am loving & caring but it’s just hard to take those first steps I always start to feel uncomfortable

@JDfaith2024 6 месяцев назад

Thank you so much. I’ve been dating this guy for about a month now and can’t figure out for the life of me why I’m sensing something is off. You nailed it. More than half of this listing is what I’m experiencing with him. Ugh 😩. And I’m feeling myself pulling away now to protect me.

@laksuh6926 Год назад

Worst thing is, in order that this behavior gets you hooked, it's not consistent unavailabillity. You experience that some days they can be very engaging towards you, showing huge signs of commitment like making things exclusive or introduce you to their family and the next time you see them they are very distant and it feels like they just endure you till you go home again. This is what makes me addicted everytime. Usually these relationships don't last long, it doesn't take long for them to get triggered by something and all of a sudden they act like a complete stranger towards you and distance themselves.

@jillianwolf3846 Год назад

I have a friend who is doing this to me and it's so painful... finally had that a ha moment that I had unconsciously duplicated my relationship with my father. Its hard too because her son and my son are best friends. I get stuck in this web of thinking I can try to heal everyone... she has her own issues and that's her responsibility

@jayc342009 Год назад

"all of a sudden they act like a complete stranger towards you and distance themselves" - literally me, i even do this with my parents.

@cuttybre Год назад

Preach!

@laksuh6926 Год назад

@@jayc342009 do you know why you behave this way?

@GabrielleTollerson Год назад

I currently know someone like this and it's emotionally exhausting

@ReeseBose-db8tj 4 месяца назад

Best thing an Anxious can ever do is learn what an Avoidant looks like and walk away!

@hmanfilms Год назад

Adding one; - very good at convincing EVERYONE including themselves that all their failed relationships are not their fault and they are the ultimate “victim” - they are always in drama

@jenniferlee7167 Год назад

I am a mature woman in her sixties and all these attachment types of issues are really waring on me. I am a former nurse and have spent the last eight months attempting to understand a man I was interested in. Once I figured it out and got educated on the matter, I was too exhausted to attempt to guess what his every turn would be. He is highly educated a lawyer with a psychology background to boot. I felt he must know he has a problem. He was dismissive-avoidant but had no inclination to do anything about it. I am no longer interested in the relationship and I really feel sad for such a successful man who only can relate to his dog. I am glad to be disentangled and I wish him well.

@paula-pw7yd Год назад

Well done Jennifer for staying rooted in reality - that’s not easy, especially in these age groups where there’s an expectation that they will be transparent. Been there , done that too. So very disappointing

@dianeyoung8068 Год назад

People don't change unless they want to-I am sure you know this. He is comfortable with who he is. I am sorry it didn't work out but don't feel sad for him, it doesn't help him or you. Been there too.

@FancyRavenmoon Год назад

I’m happy for you!! I spent 10 years figuring this out! But now I get it!!

@houndmother2398 Год назад

I'm the same age and just gave up decades ago. After my late 30s it was just emotionally unavailable guys, so I said whatever...

@Ryan-yg7zc Год назад

@@houndmother2398 did you give up on relationships all together or just avoidant people?

@mentalcoreconsulting Год назад

Yes. It's also interesting when physical affection is only on their terms and they claim to not see it that way.

@jmbo6261 Год назад

I kept wondering why until last year I realized I was just as emotionally unavailable.

@juanderuano8969 Год назад

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her

@juanderuano8969 Год назад

@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?

@juanderuano8969 Год назад

@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

@fringbabyross4718 Год назад

I’m a male with childhood trauma, abandonment wounds, and anxious attachment. I was just with a woman that had trauma history and fearful avoidant attachment. I was hooked like a drug (literally). It was great for the first couple months then she started to pull away. Lit me up like a Christmas tree and scrambled my brain. I ignored every red flag. In the beginning the sex was amazing then suddenly she said she felt uncomfortable kissing or holding hands. Then when I was in bed with her she’d put a body pillow between us. This is very real. This was the most impactful learning moment of my life. I see it all now. Sure broke my heart but never again !

@shekheraryaa135 Год назад

This has exactly my story . I wonder why they all of a sudden start devaluing you

@Light-Shift Год назад

So you have childhood trauma and abandonment issues and your relationship is all her fault.

@Alphacentauri819 Год назад

@@shekheraryaa135 to put it in those terms, means you're not fully understanding. Do you truly think it's all about devaluing you? Usually another person is trying to keep themselves feeling safe. Yes, you may have felt devalued...but your feelings merely reflect your perspective and are not the full reality. Your feelings are real...but your assessment of the whole picture isn't. Why? Our own core wounds and filters distort things. The way you even worded it is very self focused and that, there could've been part of the relationship issues you were blind to. Anyone with trauma is living out subconscious strategies to stay "safe". Often, sex is used to get close...but also after a bit, can feel very unsafe. So, especially with FA's, it can be off/on. There can be shame with it too. If trust around sex is broken, at any point...the person can often decide that is a totally unsafe interaction. This can be based on something you said, did, (porn use or cheating can cause big deactivation) and so on. So, really, I strongly suggest you think of it through the lens (at least for a moment, for a better 360 view) that a person that pulls back often feels devalued themselves...and are not using that to devalue you, but to keep safe. An egocentric stance shows signs of emotional immaturity. Making it about what someone is doing to you. There's a flavor of learned helplessness and disempowerment. I hope you can heal, and be able to understand others and what motivates them...this requires deep self knowledge.

@MSP2104 Год назад

Some empathy for your ex would suit you and show maturity. You have trauma and refuse to see that her behaviour is also caused by trauma. It was not about you. It was about her safety. If you would have truly cared about her, you could have stayed as the trustworthy friend she really needed. ‘This is very real’ - yes, this is real with a lot of traumatized people.

@brokenheartofmexico4803 Год назад

I've been with my wife for almost 20 years and she started pulling away a few years ago. I saw it but didn't at the same time. It finally came to a head a couple of months ago and we're "taking a step back". I have C-PTSD and I'm spiraling out of control.

@indyd9322 Год назад

This video is spot on. What I don't understand is why emotionally unavailable people/avoidants get into relationships in the first place?? They don't seem to really want to be there after awhile.

@dragon66ize Год назад

I would love to know that too. Great question.

@sarah19piano 3 месяца назад

I guess that if they are getting everything they want, they will let the “relationship” continue. But the rot sets in and neither person is happy. The one who wants more from the relationship is made to feel selfish and needy. Then you feel so alone in the “relationship” and afraid to ask for the basic commitment that you desire. I fell for this and years later it ended.

@meganboyer5782 3 месяца назад

@indyd9322 I'm avoidantly attached, but can only kind of guess. Partly, because after this video I'm starting to wonder if I'm not as emotionally unavailable as I always assumed and Partly because I've never bothered with a romantic relationship. I can't speak for everyone who's avoidantly attached obviously. For me while I can see the appeal of having a partner to spend time with and help emotionally support me, I feel like that's just a pretty fairy tale. I can be as emotionally supportive as I want, but people are inherently selfish, no one is going to put my emotional needs ahead of their own or even their wants on a consistent basis. They might occasionally out of guilt, a manipulation tactic, or to make themselves feel good, but that's it. Maybe they try out of loneliness or lack of self awareness, but then at the first little sign get scared or tell themselves that they don't actually NEED the partner, so they might as well leave before they get hurt. That would be my guess, but it always seems like so much work for little to no reward for anything beyond friendship for me. Friends can generally be there for you if you need them because it's not all the time. If we're living together then I now have to meet your needs and mine mostly by myself or just accept that my needs won't get met.

@claireefrench Год назад

Have just got out of a relationship that 100% checks all these boxes. I had no idea what he was saying to me by the end, with language that was ambiguous and noncommittal. I had no idea people could be so hard to communicate with but now need to make sure I don't make the mistake of engaging with a cold and unemotional man

@msthang5366 Год назад

It’s so unsettling

@cdb655 Год назад

I have recently gone through this with someone I was dating. It was early days )getting to know each other, fun, light. Literally went to sleep one night and woke up to a different person. He suddenly became super quiet and distant. It’s blew my mind because I really didn’t expect it especially so early on and this was the first man in 3 years I was like “okay, I like this, see what happens”. Anyway, I do have a history of being in relationships with emotionally unavailable men so this definitely has me analyzing myself to see what where this is going wrong repeatedly. I will say I am so glad that the distant dude showed it early on and I am happy I actually didn’t do the chase thing with texts and calls. That’s definitely some progress on my end.

@FancyRavenmoon Год назад

Omg!! I just too checked out from a un-detached man, / narcissistic person, wow, this is happening a lot lately to many of us, It’s so important to gain some friends that understand what happened, I’d love to start a small group that helps us!!! We deserve Safe 💗 love,

@YouTubeAddictcreatedbyGoogle Год назад

Yep. Married someone like this and dated a bunch of them. Also have CPTSD and major attachment issues. Hence why I'm single and no longer interested in dating at 54-yrs-old. Never had a mature relationship. I did all the work and still got crapped on. So.... taking care of my $h*t now.

@whitebirchtarot Год назад

Wow, this is really on point. I kept finding myself in relationships with people who were emotionally unavailable over and over until finally I met someone different. I didn’t want to make a commitment, which should have clued me in that I had issues myself, but I finally agreed to marry him. Lo and behold I discovered that the reason I had been in all of those bad relationships before I was because I was incapable of being open, vulnerable, truly intimate, etc. I honestly didn’t know it and had always blamed the other person. You’re absolutely right; there’s a reason we find ourselves drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable. We may not know it, but we feel safe in them as a result of childhood trauma issues or lack of bonding as a child. Anyway, my husband passed away and now I can’t make it up to him, but I’m going to try to work on myself anyway because I don’t want to be this way forever. I wish I could go back and give him what he wanted though because he certainly deserved it. He never gave up on me. Thank you for this video. 💕

@kokoskokso Год назад

Absolutely! No need to think twice why most of my relationships were long distance

@Eg-jd9zt Год назад

Same thing I’m realizing about myself too. I know it’s safe to have someone who’s far away (either logistically or emotionally)

@whitebirchtarot Год назад

@@Eg-jd9zt it’s safer, but it’s certainly not fulfilling. I wish I could go back and do it over. My goal is to allow myself to be vulnerable. Sending you a virtual hug. If you want one, that is. 💕

@Eg-jd9zt Год назад

@@whitebirchtarot Awh sending you one too 💕. Yes I agree, we have to face the fear and date someone we normally wouldn’t - someone who’s all in

@tjbohmier46 Год назад

Excellent video. Always remember what you bring to any relationship and accept no less. If someone pulls away, you must let them go. The earlier the better. Stay in reality.

@jillianwolf3846 Год назад

thank you

@cherylmockotr Год назад

I used to feel socially embarrassed for being a single young woman with 3 cats. But now, in midlife, I realize that, while being a second-best life, my dog and cats are my best option. They are emotionally available to me and I am emotionally available to them, something not possible with other humans. I've been working on my issues since I was in my 30s, and have made progress, but the pace is too slow to hope to be able to establish a healthy relationship with a spouse before I'm impaired by old age. Meanwhile I get plenty of love from my safe pets!

@lolacookie453 Год назад

Girl you’re not saddled with kids and don’t have multiple divorces, sounds like a win to me! 😂

@monicabuchanan5444 Год назад

❤

@kristopherfoster8780 Год назад

Leftover woman

@sarahsue42 Год назад

@@kristopherfoster8780 rude man

@Riosgirl98 Год назад

I'm 40, I have 4 Chihuahuas and I Choose to be single. Don't ever feel embarrassed hon - there's a whole community of people out here choosing to be single & child free.

@somethinggood9267 9 месяцев назад

I just met a guy online and we clicked and hit it off, we have so much in common! We shared all about our life and to me it was wonderful. He was flirting with me and encouraging me. When I asked him if you liked me, he said he didn't know. But he was showing me all the signs that he liked me. I gave him another chance and ask him if you was interested in me, and he said he didn't want to label things. He wasted all of my time and got me all gassed up, thinking that I was going to have a relationship with this person and how great he was, and then he completely isolated himself.

@gl4919 10 месяцев назад

I laughed after I listened to this one, you are talking to me. my relationship with my ex was exactly what you described in this video. But so glad that now I was healed by Jesus.

@inanitas Год назад

The first few months she seemed really eager and emotionally available. It was obvious she had problems, but so do I so I was ok with that. But the more emotional it got the more she was pushing me aside, the more she was having double standards, the more she was telling me I do things that I didn't do (but she did. Like "Only caring about myself"). It was though. I think I had too much empathy because I felt her pain and didn't want to leave her. At the same time I didn't want to lose this person who I was loving so much. It was hard. The breakup especially. Took days to weeks to answer. Misunderstood me, and responded to questions I didn't ask (because me misunderstood them). Basically leaving me hanging all alone and making it look like it's my fault at the same time. Man. That was an experience I could've really lived without.

@nancynord260 Год назад

I recognize all this. My husband is a farmer and he is all these things. He thinks feelings are crazy and if I am upset, he thinks I shouldn't feel that way and that I am having a mood. He doesn't listen or remember anything I say. I have to get very in his face to get anything done that he has to cooperate with.

@rashkehof2458 Год назад

Sounds your husband behaves like some kind of a robot... So sad for you! And ultimately for him too. I recently learned that people who are totally identified with their ego, they are like walking dead. No authenticity or true heartfelt connections... I wish you all the best!!! 💟

@garylivingston9052 Год назад

you can't expect someone else to take care of your emotional needs. Figure it out yourself and just be a great wife/friend.

@nancynord260 Год назад

@@garylivingston9052 You can expect them to be sensitive to to your needs and feelings. You have to have a relationship. If they don't listen to anything you say, can't remember or deny they heard it, never take it into account, then you don't have one. All you are in that case is a servant.

@mikewilkins2030 Год назад

@@garylivingston9052 man go be alone then! You sound hurt and scared! I hope you’re young, cause if you are over 40 i feel pity for you! Sad!

@garylivingston9052 Год назад

@@mikewilkins2030 HaHa, i am 53 and single and have really had a good life and good friends. Most people are just too insecure to be comfortable with themselves. If you need someone else to be happy and to feel COMPLETE, then i feel pity for you brother.

@jenben5alive458 Год назад

You literally described my former 20 year marriage to a TEE! Wow 😯 Thank you, I feel validated and am so grateful for my new man who is polar opposite to this.

@Kiymbah Год назад

My recent relationship was the exact opposite of all this, in the beginning. He was so attentive, wanted to dig deep into our past, shared deep emotionally, physically, wanted a commitment right away and had me drawn in. Once we had established what I thought seemed like trust, he switched. For distant, played games, took longer to respond to my texts. Then he began juggling multiple women and I eventually learned he had been doing that all along. I was just the latest love bomb victim, being drawn into his little web of affairs and women who he pitted against eachother for attention. Twisted!

@gretchenburton7184 Год назад

Very

@syzygy4365 Год назад

That's so messed up girl. Find you a man that doesn't want to play games like that. I don't know where the good men are hiding though. I'm this >< close to hopping around every church until I find one. They might be hiding behind one of those doors somewhere. Lol

@riverbilly64 Год назад

That sounds like a narcissist. Are ADs people jugglers, too? So confusing.

@gretchenburton7184 Год назад

@@riverbilly64 what is an AD?

@alkacheerful3160 Год назад

That's covert narcissist.

@dianethompson6804 Год назад

My late husband was definitely emotionally unavailable. I kept thinking maybe when we get married he will feel more comfortable with telling what he thinks and feels. That didn't happen. If I cried he called me a big baby, if I was sick he still expected me to get up and make him supper. If I was having a good time talking to someone, he was ready to go home. He was alcoholic and the last 3 years of his life he quit drinking to keep me, but anesthetized himself watching TV. My childhood was good and I felt loved and I could express my emotions and talk about how I thought and felt. I didn't have any abandonment issues or big worries. We were poor, but I didn't know that!! Kudos to my parents for making my life feel abundant!! My Dad was the strong, silent type, but he always made me feel loved and he always listened to me chatter while he worked on our vehicles. He never once told me to go on! My Mother was the same way, and even tho she was busy, she always had time to teach me how to bake, cook, knit and crochet. So a lovely childhood.

@Chris10is... 6 месяцев назад

Wow! This hit me so hard. Even though I was raised by a single mother (8 kids) and we were poor, I never knew! We enjoyed what we HAD. It’s hard explaining that to my husband. His parents divorced when he was 8. My dad didn’t Want to be in my life so I couldn’t Miss what I didn’t have! Childhood has such a big bearing on how you turn out and even how your spouse acts!

@galeretacco8537 Год назад

Hearing all these conditional requirements makes me think it’s much better to be alone. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 53 Years and I’ve felt totally alone the entire time.

@catherineerickson1331 10 месяцев назад

I get it. Married 40 years but alone. 😢

@poppys34 10 месяцев назад

24 years and alone. I guess we’re not alone in our loneliness…

@suebaybee 3 месяца назад

Wow. I pray that the Holyspirit provides you with continue comfort.

@longtailedbroadbill Год назад

this video helped me stop wasting my time. thanks Dr. Kim

@csstudio3648 Год назад

TY for laying out all of these behaviors in a simple and direct way! This really helps to see where partners as well as myself are on the spectrum. Much appreciation. ❤

@larryc5361 Год назад

It's not your fault if you meet an emotionally unavailable person. They don't come with a tee shirt marked 'emotionally unavailable". What happens is you discover a person is emotionally unavailable. Now if you discover this and stay with them that's different. You didn't break up at the sight of a serious red flag. You are now to blame for whatever happens to you. It's simple. Don't stay with somebody who is bad for you just because they're good looking, sex is fun etc... Life is way more than these things.

@Eg-jd9zt Год назад

I agree one a certain level, but if we are honest there were signs before it was confirmed. My last few I knew it first few dates bc of stuff they said about their past and they tried to convince me of different and were available at first like you are mentioning. But if I was honest one had never been in love at 35 or had a serious gf until me, and the other had distance in all of his past relationships and was a workaholic. I even recall saying to myself “I like they are consistent but not on top of me either and only want to see me a few times a week”. The very thing that was an issue thereafter. I chose them bc it was safe and familiar deep down and I fear someone being too close as well

@emilyclouser7959 Год назад

These videos are life changing. Thank you for your work!

@moneyman431 Год назад

This is what I needed

@omyachinhead873 Год назад

Wow! Excellent therapy. So much of what you talk about on your videos is absolutely bang-on. I am an older female and I have SO many of the CPTSD traits that you describe. Still learning and growing. Thank you, Dr. Sage. I just discovered your channel today and have been listening to numerous of your videos.

@commanderdanny 5 месяцев назад

She checked off all the boxes. Probably the best video out there in regards to emotional unavailability. This person I seek is the one that is subconsciously giving me the anxiety, and I see myself as the anxious attachment. I hope there’s a chance in the future, because she has never been this way until I coincidentally met her.

@tjkory6412 Год назад

thank you so much for the kind and helpful videos, I hope you keep posting more.

@asamiyashin444 Год назад

The problem is that nowadays I don't see people who can respond emotionally in healthy ways. The question is: where and how to look for that kind of people? I only see cold people around. I feel like living in a world of zombies.

@paulahansen4102 Год назад

Your videos are really helpful. Thank you.

@riverbilly64 Год назад

Absolutely perfect description of a dismissive avoidant.

@jacynjames Год назад

Thank you so much 🙏🏻 This was extremely helpful.

@shannonjones4895 Год назад

Thank you so much for this video! This was really helpful information that I have not heard about much and really needed to hear! I will remember these tools and use them in my life now.

@allwellandgood8547 Год назад

This makes me realise I can be quite emotionally unavailable but yet seem to attract and be drawn to those even more so than me. Then I become anxious and needy inside, whilst remaining calm and unavailable on the surface, just hoping they will open up and get close and all will be great. I'm still trying to figure it out through learning about attachment but I'm seeing alot of this has to do with the way I show up. I wonder what would happen if I let myself be vulnerable in these situations...it scares me but I might try it!!❤

@cdb655 Год назад

I 100% relate to everything you said.

@jillianwolf3846 Год назад

same!!! I wish for someone who's totally available, but when they actually show up I get scared and run away lol. People who constantly run hot and cold seems to be my "safe" zone, because that's exactly how my parents were. But now, I'm finally getting to the point where I'm sick of it

@julesD0222 9 месяцев назад

It sounds like you’re fearful avoidant/anxious-avoidant

@adamsaleh4143 Год назад

I really loved the whole decoration with the white color even your outfit, keep it up

@kimminne6941 Год назад

This was really helpful thank you

@BJ-mb2ug Год назад

Wow! So well worded! Relatable, my goodness! :) Thank you!

@carolynb1059 Год назад

Thank you so much for this video. So much of what you say resonates with me and I recognize what happened with my FOO dynamics.

@unboundfitfound Год назад

So good. So helpful. Thank you! ❤

@prettyblaqgirl 3 месяца назад

I’ve been married to someone who’s emotionally unavailable it was the worse relationship I ever experienced. Torture

@saggie5261 2 месяца назад

Yep, same. In the process of leaving now

@muffintopz4692 Год назад

This is easy to spot at the beginning and you can’t make people be emotionally available. They need inner healing. Guard your own heart and either wait or move on to someone else who is reciprocal.

@SR77736 Год назад

No It isn't always easy to catch. Some people wear masks. If they aren't attached they can be surface open. Everyone is different so this isn't true.

@heidyiglesias5536 9 месяцев назад

Thank you, this video was very helpful. And thank you for helping us be honest with ourselves and become more aware of our own patterns too.

@crimsontyt 3 месяца назад

Nevermind being friends with these kinds of people, who close you off and exclude out, of groups. How I am going to fall for you, or want to date you, if they just treat you as a convenience and only communicate, when you initiate a conversation with them.

@anniemac7545 Год назад

Great subject! Thank you Kim. I'm 63 with childhood trauma, my parents, my partners/husbands have been emotionally unavailable.

@marymorenomariposa Год назад

i’m sorry. that really sucks. best wishes

@carolynb1059 Год назад

Me, too :(

@sharonandrews9687 Год назад

Me three 😢

@bridgetjones8339 Год назад

Me, four

@tammydietschweiler7852 Год назад

Me five

@saradiaz2277 Год назад

It’s so hard navigating these situations. I definitely have some emotional unavailability and my ex did as well. It’s so interesting because we’re both blind in a way, not seeing how we both aren’t showing up for ourselves or each other. And we just blame the other person. And the more we see the other person holding back, the more we hold back as if that’s going to inspire the other to want to get closer. I have a lot of work ahead of me. But it does help having this informative video, and it makes me less angry at my ex. I’ve been carrying so much anger because my mind concluded that he was doing that stuff on purpose. And now I know he was not, because I sure didn’t see how and where I was wrong either. Thank you for this video. ❤

@dragon66ize Год назад

Oh my god....everything. Just everything! Thank you.

@HisPreciousChild 6 месяцев назад

Thank you!!! 😊

@coopergary2129 Год назад

Literally just went through this with a woman I was dating with the same exact behavior and traits that were just explained in this video...wow this whole video was her in a nutshell, every single detail😮👌🏿

@exposingproxystalkingorgan4164 Год назад

This video is educational and it is good to learn new things. 👍

@Astrologcomedy Год назад

I dump them as soon as I see a sign of emotional unavailability so I must be healed

@muskanmehta9363 10 месяцев назад

I'm married to a man who's emotionally unavailable. It breaks my heart in pieces when I want him to be a little emotional but he just doesn't. I've mentioned this several times but he doesn't bother about it. I don't know what to do. I'm just helpless and hopeless wife

@Angelstar7774 Год назад

Please do a video on spotting covert narcissists early 🙏🏼

@shebri00 Год назад

My goodness you just described my marriage

@NomfundoMbatha Год назад

I’m guilty of being conditional in my communication. I wasn’t even aware of it until you put it that way. Could be communication boundaries also. I just need to do better going forward.

@robertwright2028 Год назад

You nailed it.

@kitcassim4156 10 месяцев назад

Thanks

@mariewindle1738 Год назад

Oh, I just listen to your talk and found it incredibly fascinating. You described my boyfriend to a T he has all the symptoms. You put into words all the things that I’ve seen and noticed, but had a hard time to describe. We just recently broke up, but it’s definitely for the best. Thanks for your talk it was totally enlightening.

@sourcehealing82 Год назад

This is my experience with men. I’m glad that I’m aware of it now.

@earthangel4429 Год назад

thank you. I wish I knew this 6 years ago. I am working on it . 🤞🙏🤞🙏

@mtc-j9i Год назад

My last relationship checks every one of these boxes. I saw all these issues early but didn’t know what they were…. Didn’t realize they were all connected somehow…. saw them all as isolated quirks and flaws. Needless to say they all got worse over time. They were major red flags!!! I grew up in a home with emotionally unavailable parents. I will work on me before I come across any more of these characters.

@rivkaruthgolan Год назад

Thanks! Great video! Im checking out this list. Have I behaved in these ways at anytime. It’s a pretty comprehensive list. Walls coming up? Wounded? Yes, at times but brick by brick they are coming down. I’m putting up a fence with a gate instead.

@joannegild8001 Год назад

You feel alone even when you’re together. Yes! I’m a widow and my husband and I had wonderful intimate conversations. My present guy just won’t do that. But he has committed to me, I believe, and he is flexible if I need to change our plans. He’s generous with me and personable with others. He is a widower and had been married 3 times, but the 3rd marriage lasted 40 years. So a mixed deal. You’ve made many excellent points about me, BTW.

@rachelteeuws1241 Месяц назад

They refuse to talk, deflect and blame everyone else

@FancyRavenmoon Год назад

Let’s get emotional connected to the Universe!!!

@reflax6009 Год назад

Feels like with narcissistic traits

@ItsSoarTime 7 месяцев назад

yup. that's me.

@naturallaw52 Год назад

I feel like every word you said that you were reading my whole life. Wow😊😊😊

@christinefinn6180 Год назад

What attachment style is most likely to be emotionally unavailable? Thanks fir videos like the link with substance abuse..

@FBAV Год назад

As soon as I listen to this woman I'm emotionally back. Which wasn't the case at home... I start to get why but I can't fix it.

@elainaschultz4667 Год назад

I appreciate what you have to say👍

@karenrogers2826 Год назад

Lord, this is so much like this man I know. So much and I’m so tired of it!

@ellischappell6666 Год назад

I hope I do. I am worthy❤

@user-ns2rj8wu3d Год назад

Thank you :)

@JebsTennisJourney Год назад

So glad I found this video. More than 3/4 of what she is saying here applies to my very recent ex and our dynamic. It’s validating to hear her say these things and present them the way she is. My therapist has said many similar things to me and I finally had the strength to say enough to being treated in a way that just made me feel neglected and alone all the time. It was difficult because we both like each other and she is a very nice woman aside from these relationship issues.

@melissabrzescinski494 Год назад

Wow! This resonates. I thought I was being careful with my last relationship, in that I thought I was asking the right questions up front to gauge what type of person he was. I barely scratched the surface I guess. The relationship was emotionally unfulfilling. He had the perfect out because he takes care of his Dad who has Alzheimers really bad. It was easy for him to become more distant as time went on using his Dad as an excuse. Granted, that’s a tough situation to be in but it was a convenient way to shift the attention away from his lack of emotional attachment. Things were so good until I started to express my feelings. I need to learn how to be more brutally honest sooner. I need to see red flags sooner. I need to love myself better. He actually told me early on he was a sociopath. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He knew how to manipulate me. I have some work to do on myself because now I have trust issues. I’m so sad and I feel broken. I fell in love and just wanted to be loved.

@kellithomas4737 10 месяцев назад

I can totally relate. I hope you are doing better and taking good care of your wonderful self.

@brokenheartofmexico4803 Год назад

Escape can be a phone too. This video is hitting everything that's going on.

@ladyfae4797 Год назад

You nailed exactly but now what do I do?

@BrittneySharde15 Год назад

At the end i began to cry as if relief has come! The jouney I am on is to be healed! This was so necessary for my soul!! 🤎 I cant wait to see my therapist on monday!!! 🙏🏿 thank you!

@rodfrancis9160 4 месяца назад

I find friends can be quite draining at times and a relationships even more,so I avoid both..and now find good consistent mental health everyday ..priceless.

@indridcold8433 Год назад

I am emotionally unavailable to all. I learned a painful lesson and chose to never have it repeat again. Thus, I put on a blank expression, never talk unless absolutely necessary, and avoid any sort of social situations. There is absolutely no need for me to be emotionally available for anybody. I require no human companionship at all. I live alone, work completely alone, and live in a very rural area. Being social served no purpose in my life. There are no requirements in life to be social. I do not understand why so many force it when they do not know how to do it successfully and they feel miserable trying to be social. I function far above the perimeters established by social people in the aspects of self-reliance, independence, freedom, resourcefulness, and creativity. If I am excelling in these aspects, there seems to be no logical reason to subject myself to being social. I require no emotional bond with anybody, nor does anybody else. One will not die if they are not social. Being social is a luxury, not a necessity. However, for me, it provides no luxuries at all. Thus, I refuse to subject myself to the emotional abuse that almost always accompanies being social.

@Crazycatlady86 5 месяцев назад

100% true!

@bridgetjones8339 Год назад

You hit every point very well, great description! Can the emotionally unavailable be fixed? As well as I?

@MiaMizuno Год назад

I would say, my uneducated guess is: The other person needs to realize him/herself and no outer factor can change that.

@zaumnanzez8108 Год назад

Thank you for the insight given in this video. Question: Which video of yours do recommened for men that keep choosing women that are emotionally unavailable. To be specific, I appear to keek doing this; how do I change my part in this repeated performance?

@cory99998 Год назад

Yeah definitely feel the anxious / avoidant thing in myself. I can be intimate and close with people, but when they try to get close to me I put up walls because I internalized that I'm weird or have parts of me that aren't likeable. So I feel like if I share things, I'll be judged and ridiculed. And then by picking friends who are even more distant than I am, they tend to reinforce those things by not validating or caring when I do decide to share something. I think I've made a lot of progress though through my various friendships. I think the difference is that I can verbalize this stuff / what I struggle with, but generally relationships feel pretty scary so I do more avoiding than anything.

@MSP2104 Год назад

@Kim, what is your advice? You totally describe how people with C-PTSD act towards their lovers.

@ritadoran5039 Год назад

Chased security emotional love all my life I had a rough upbringing after My moms death I took care of her alone it was hard to see her suffer pain yrs I loved her so didn't think I could make it alone but 8 yrs later Im thriving the best I can but I used to really like people now I isolate a lot myself I have met unavailable men all my life great vid thanks first time here 😊

@marciamellow1211 Год назад

All true...just realizing this... and I am 70...ehhhh.

@glorytothegod10 Год назад

Beautiful ❤️

@shoveldoggermafia Год назад

I love watching a video and finding every example in past partners but then realizing that yes, through two marriages I have to own my part. I have been very confused. I have been emotionally unavailable through people pleasing. It is a way for me to try to manipulate a situation almost like a contract. Here, I have done so much, I have sacrificed so much "how could you not meet me some of the way?" The only common denominator in my relationships is me and my desire to present myself as someone who can fix every problem, be always the first to apologize and to accept my punishment of silent treatment or no sex or just periods of being in trouble without really knowing. Thank you! Amazing that I could never see the log in my own eye.

@kptown1 Год назад

Watch the Crappy Childhood Fairy for the full low down on managing the effects of childhood trauma.

@jillianwolf3846 Год назад

omg you explained it perfectly and I do soooo much of it too. Narcissist dad, alcoholic mom... silent treatment is how my family communicates, unfortunately