Signs you're being groomed by an abusive man 

That type of abuse is no joke. I was with that type of man for 3 months and it felt like 3 years. It started out with jokes, then transitioned to verbal abuse, then he got so angry he punched a wall. Once he punched the wall, I left permanently.

Verbal abuse it's the longer you stay the hardest to leave because the person tear you down for a years you start to believe that no one can save you

Familiarity plays a huge part. Everything familiar is NOT good.

Omg. I felt this in my soul. I left my marriage after years of being broken down verbally. To hear a man who is not related to me confirm this is WRONG has brought me to tears. So many people said I was wrong for leaving over how he talked to me. My life has elevated since leaving and I am glad to have my peace.

I was abused in 2 marriages and I didnt realize it for years. I thought it was normal. I witnessed my mom being abused for decades. Anyway, God woke me up and got me out.

They make you feel like it’s your fault.

Ladies....also a big 🚩is a guy that always and quickly asks you what you're doing and where you're at! Lots of times it within seconds or a couples of minutes after getting on the phone with them. They never offer there location readily and that information is not relevant to the conversation, but they will make it like it is. Even when you call them, they got all the questions!

The scary part is you never see stories of it getting better it seems like it just gets worse or they never change

Verbal abuse is shocking and like you said it’s certain things a man should never call a woman

And every time the cycle starts over it is worser than the last time.

I'm going through this right now. I've decided today to take control of my life.

We often hear about fight or flight responses, but we seldom speak about the ‘fawn’ response and the ‘freeze’ response. Fawning is when you play down what someone is doing, you kind of go along with it in some way, or laugh it off. Freezing is just sort of pretending it didn’t happen or waiting it out until the moment passes. I think these two responses are so common for women when trying to de-escalate situations with men because we are tying to avoid physical altercations. Please pay attention ladies, to the subtlety in dealing with people. We have to learn to see the YELLOW AND ORANGE flags, so we don’t have to even deal with the red ones.

He attached himself to me; he wanted to get a place together, and I told him I was not moving in with him. I lost and dodged months and years of abuse. I'm so glad he went to another woman. Never move in with a man ever.

Thank you for this video. This is a must-watch. Another sign of abuse is if the person wants to get serious too quickly. After days of meeting, they will say things like, “You’re the only one who gets me.” Another sign is love bombing. They shower you with compliments and gifts very early on. Those are two major red flags.

Man of God this is an excellent analogy of an abusive relationship! I was married to an narracistic man and it took me over 20 years to get out of this marriage. Only the holy ghost gave me the strength to leave. DV is demonic and from the devil. I was broken when I met my ex-husband. Now that I have allowed the Lord to heal me and got Christian counseling Jesus has helped me to set boundaries with everyone. I am happy and full of peace and joy. I thank Jesus for his protection, love, and grace! I want talk to other women that have experienced abuse. The love of Jesus is pure and unconditional love. Women and children deserve peace and happiness! If you don't leave DV is a cycle that will continue with your children. Jesus is a delieverr and restorer ! God bless you!

My kids father LITERALLY showed up to my house with my name tattooed on his hand. I was furious. I didnt know why, but i knew it wasn't for any good purpose....especially since i had asked him NOT to. He then tried to get me to do the same. Absolutely not!

I can relate to this. I survived narcissistic abuse. I’ve gone 7 months no contact with him. I’m still healing but better than I was yesterday. Prayers for all survivors of any abusive relationship. I thank the Lord for removing this demonic person from my life. It takes a minute for the love for that person to wear off, but I vowed to never return. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

They go through all of that just so they can be physically abusive and get away with it. Think about how sick that is.

How about the guy that pushes you to your limit and expects you to shut up and not defend yourself or explain as to why you don’t do things a certain way but he gaslight’s you and shuts it down

This message is so real. I wish this was a mandatory course for young women starting at the high school age. It would prevent alot of future heartbreak. 😔

Your video made me realize that’s I was in an abusive relationship and I’ve been allowing abusive people into my life for all of my 20s. I’m 30 now and I need to make a change and do serious inner work before dating again. Some people can be vultures looking for their next victim and you wouldn’t even know that they specifically targeted you because of your unconscious and conscious behavior and thought processes. Thank you so much for giving me clarity ❤I love your videos. Its so nice hearing from a man’s perspective of how certain people can intentionally try to hurt you and if you don’t have enough self awareness and self love it could end up being fatal.

That's horrible and terrible. Men can be so scary when they abuse women Smh

When you are in LOVE you will put up with anything, you have to be strong and get out and NEVER ago BACK

The other issue to add is that women and men who are being abused and have children. Please think of your children. they don't need to see their parent being hit. it hurts them. I have watched this with my own parent and I am scarred. i am in therapy and it is not cheap so please save your children's future if you have to change your name or location just do it for your child. it will save their mental health and their life

I left the first time he hit him because I LOVE ME MORE. I pray everyone can get to this point

You my soul mate run ladies...

It can be as insidious as crazy making. Making you feel like you overreacting to making you believe something wasn’t said or didn’t happen. That was a method used against me to try to make me doubt myself and my reality. It took a lot to be strong, remain assertive and trust myself enough to know that I’m not crazy. If someone knows you are willing to doubt yourself to appease their reality, it will get much worse. And absolutely, letting people know it’s happening and saving evidence is a must. I was always being told that I discuss too much of our business. No that’s business that needs to be shared for safety reasons in case something happened. I took photos and kept logs that were easily accessible to family if need be. Protect yourself first. If someone is abusing you, they are not interested in protecting you…they are harming you.. don’t protect them. Many abusers no matter what they say are also cheaters. They don’t respect you to begin with. If they are hitting you, they already don’t respect your physical body or your feelings, you have to respect and honor the person and the relationship not to cheat. They already disrespecting you

My ex said two things that spooked me. He said he was going to make me disappear, and that I was going to always be with him. BYE!

Get ARMED & TRAIN OFTEN

It’s refreshing to see a young man think this way. I’m happy I found your page, been watching for a few months now. Very relatable & common sensical. Keep thriving!

Women need to learn how to defend themselves by taking up self defense classes get a gun and get a concealed carrying Permit can go to the rang.

As a survivor of a violent & sexually abusive relationship, truthfully I stayed b/c I was trained to. It's like breaking a wild horse. There's the "humane" way, where one patiently builds mutual trust and respect overtime. And there's the "cowboy" way, where they use whips, spurs, chains & run the horse until they have nothing left. The horse is so tired & broken that they eventually give up. Then the training begins. In my experience, the biggest red flags are in the beginning. When a person acts TOO perfect, when they buy you TOO much, when they say TOO many perfect things (overt exaggerations, love-bombing, lies). If it's too good to be true, that's b/c it is! So please, if someone shines brighter than the sun, I beg you.. don't be Icarus.

thank you for making this video. i wish more male content creators would speak to abuse & femicide. in the case of the mother in St. Pete’s… she had just thrown her child’s father a 21st b-day party at their apartment w/ friends & family 4 hours before he killed her. i just don’t understand what could’ve happened in that short period of time… not that anything would be sensical to this horrific outcome. ugh. so heartbreaking 💔

Thank You for being a protector for those who need protecting! Knowing what to lookout for and what to do when faced with abusers! God Bless!

Know about a man that talked about being afraid cause of women hurting men in a physical way. After he said this though, he started becoming very abusive. Shouting, wanting to control and wanting his way, belittling.. Felt unsafe and told him to leave and he did, without saying a word.. Yet, after he kept accusing us for things we did not do and threatening us over text messages..

I hope and pray that everybody, man or woman that are being abused....they soon will have the courage to leave that relationship, heal, learn what selflove is and have a wonderfull live serounded by the right people. AMEN!

Familiar isn't always safe.

I get a little thrill of joy when I find good Christian relationship advice. It's so rare. " your body is a temple". A reminder to honor God with our bodies and not honor man

Thank you for posting this. I've never seen a black man against abusing women. Nonetheless one speaking against it and making others aware! God bless you!!

It is incredible how someone can know and understand this crazy-making cycle without having had experienced it themselves. Why is it so obvious to everyone else? Why am I so dumb to have ever let this happen?

A mixed race Jamaican woman was just killed by her husband at 42 in her last year of medical residency. As someone who was in an emotional abusive relationship they don't just let you go. They will call a hundred times, show up at your house etc. It literally causes stress and panic attacks when you leave them. It's like a drug.

😢❤🙏🏿thank you so much for this video. I’m a 30 year old black woman who is very kind and sweet. I just ended a relationship with with an abusive guy and I didn’t even know that he was actively trying to manipulate me and groom me for abuse. I just never felt comfortable around him and he would always try to cross my boundaries. At first he loved everything about me and wanted to know everything but then as time went on during the very short 3 months, he would gaslight me and criticize me about my appearance that he loved before and he would also undermine my confidence and my intelligence. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something was terribly wrong after awhile because he would always had something negative to say about any topic or thing I would bring up. He also tried to discourage me from making great career moves that would be beneficial for my future (I’m a Travel Nurse). I figured it was all due to insecurities. He came off like a nice guy but secretly he was terribly troubled mentally.

This was a whole sermon 🙌🏽. I can attest to a person being amazing in the beginning and then tearing you down from there.

He told me under his breath- then wouldn’t repeat it-“if you cheat on me I’ll kill your dog” !

Thank you for this video! I am a victim of DV and everything you’re saying is accurate. Can you do a video about the aftermath of leaving a DV relationship? I didn’t know this when I escape my ex but I wasn’t able to function properly. My confidence was abnormally low, I was paranoid, indecisive, sensitive, emotionally fragile, angry, ptsd, and ironically started to become abusive too when intoxicated. There’s a personal battle after the escape and it is brutal! However its an awakening journey I learned a lot about myself and childhood. I had to go into a spiritual wilderness to see clearly. I’m still healing and not 💯 but the Most High is taking amazing care of me and endless blessings.

This is why it’s so important for healthy people who have experienced or observed abuse to tell their story or say what the observed. I grew up thinking this behavior was normal.

It is so good hearing a man's perspective on this issue. Thanks for all you do to bring us these videos. May God bless you abundantly..👍❤👍❤👍❤

He is in therapy but still verbally abusive and turns every one of his problems onto me. He's really controlling my emotions. I'm being supportive but he won't change and I keep repeating myself. I have done all I can do and i'm giving up

Love and respect yourself enough to were you feel and know the small signs before the big/obvious signs. I ran into a guy that was married and had a DV case and jailed for not abiding by a protection order. I felt the signs so before we went on our first date, I did a background check and it confirmed everything I was feeling from this guy. He was FINE-FINE 😍but I had to let him go EARLY!!!

This was so discretely helpful. I hope one day we’ll talk but for now. Thank you.

Thank you for openly talking about this subject that is supressed because of shame on one hand and lack of availability and safety for people to talk about this without being judged! When it comes to abuse, i learnt and noticed a consistent pattern to keep an eye on. Anybody that practices verbal abuse of any shape or form needs to be set a strong boundary... meaning, you consistently do NOT verbally abuse anyone... if you stick to respecting your own boundaries... you soon know when to call somebody out, tell them your boundary and what happens when it is broken, AND most importantly, YOU got to stick to the 3 things: 1- do NOT verbally abuse 2- set that boundary clear to others and consequences of crossing it 3- Stick to it firmly and unapologetically! I found original verbal abuse is a reflection of what is hidden inside the heart. From a fountain, we never get both salty and drinkable water... it is either one or the other, so let us make sure out of our mouths come words that build, bring wisdom, speaks truth in love, and nurtures the mind, heart and spirit!! The inability to sit down to talk about what makes people mad... whilst being cool, calm and collected... is proof that the person needs to heal and grow before getting with anyone else. I love you because i see that coolness, calmness and collectedness even talking about subjects that are obviously upsetting and close to your heart due to past experiences you witnessed and lived through and healed from thanks to God ❤ Your work, builds, pulls the good to the surface, calling out that which needs be NOT entertained. You are inspiring in more ways than you are aware of and i thank God for you whilst I pray that He blesses you, your family and the work you do, that it may be a blessing and a light to those who are lost. Thank you 🌻

Ive listened to so many Christian womens spiritual channels and I truly appreciate your content, and having a male spiritual perspective without being another toxic male. Wonderful!

Always level headed and on point 💯

Excellent video! I will surely pass this on!

This video was a much needed wake up call. Thank you

I made sure I went through the whole process of court the last time my ex was abusive . All the other times I had dropped charges for being forgiving but this last time .. I said this enough and made sure he is sentenced. Especially I have no father in my life , I need to stand my ground and not accept any abuse from no man.

Thank u for spreading wisdoms. This is scary and is so common. Its so hard to make the suspect leave.

Ex tried to make me fully depend on him and didn't want me being close to my mom and didn't want me to have platonic friendships with my male friends. Didn't want me talking to anyone. Used to tell me he can't eat or sleep without me. Crazy stuff like it's do or die. Had to wake up and run. Initially it's hard when they gaslighting you and trying to make you look crazy and doubt the reality of their abusive nature...

Also dont be afraid to call police bw have been conditioned to take abuse and not say nothing

Thank you so much for this!! Please keep spreading awareness!! Someone I love, dearly, has been a victim for years and doesn't even realize it. It's heartbreaking and disturbing to witness.

This is what the world needs to hear!! This was awesome The Shumake Way salute ..#AwardWinningBosslady'sRadioShow

These dudes don't let you see it until you are in too deep. That's the problem. Even if they try to leave rent is thousands a month. It''s not easy for these women to just up and leave. A lot of them can't make it on their own, especially if they have kids.

This 💯 you are speaking my past relationships this hits different!!! I feel my heart hurting and welling up 😢 thank you for this I needed to hear is today. Your an angel keep doing what you do. God bless you and your wife

This is really good as your sharing things that are not spoken about from professionals who talk about abuse. I think people will be able to recognise the signs in a more relatable way 👍

Thank you for this thoughtful video. It's really healing to hear this from a man.

I hope your channel blows up. Looks good, sounds good. Excellent podcast!

Thank you for your honesty x

Stalked me at shelter followed in buses from work to shelter was thrown out cause of him

Thanks for the upload

Omggg I’m so glad I watched this! I’ve never been in an abusive relationship but i know way too many women close to me who have, so i watch & send videos like these all the time. I recently broke up with a guy i only dated for THREE MONTHS & i couldn’t really prove it until now but i felt like he was tryna groom me. The details in this video just confirm I WAS RIGHT! He even went as far as tattooing my name on his brow & gaslighting me like i told him to do it. I’ve always trusted myself but i trust myself so much more knowing i was spot on & left in the smartest safest way possible.

great message!

This is my situation for 10 years but I've been financially abused as well

everyone needs to hear this video

Thank you for this video

everything you saying is so true unfortunately I am the one that got trapped thru pregnancy and the tattoo, I was so vulnerabale at the time I met this person and now im going thru DV , going to have charges pressed on my abuser tomorrow ... I been going thru HELL for the past 3 years and I am only 23 years old . I am ready to start my new life

Thank you - it’s great having a male perspective

Hi Brother Shumake way. Thank you so much for you important topic. I think it's truly wonderful, that you don't abuse your wife. That's says a lot!! Your helping to make a difference in this world. God Bless you, I pray God leads you to further His desire to protect woman, and men from getting stuck or threatened to be in an abusive relationship. To God be all the glory!!!

You have to plan and take the steps to leave. Often with the physical and mental abuse comes financial abuse. So when it’s time to leave you have to plan, save, move in silence keep the faith that it want always be like that and you will get out safely.

This makes me feel confrontable but i need to hear it cuz i wanna change

🙌 solid video

Need to hear this.

I was with an abusive guy who convinced me to date him. He asked and asked and asked and eventually said lets see where this takes us. I thought the smirk on his face was happiness. Little did I realize it was because it was little win for him in a bigger scheme to destroy my self esteem little by little. He owned a business and his life became his business. I was okay with him doing what he needed to do to be successful, but he always promised a future with me while I had to pay for food and drinks or help his mom with the bills. Or take off from work from my full time job to work for him for free so he didnt have to hire and pay an employee. He played cruel tricks on me, telling me I could watch podcasts or listen to music while I worked. The next day he would post a sign about employees losing their privilege to watch videos. When I asked he never could give me a straight answer and now that I look back it gave him the perfect oppurtunity to use and blame me for his employees losing the privilege to watch videos. Making them all hate me, of course no one would say anything to me so I didnt know what was going on. Another incident, he asked me to go to his work to help out after i had gotten out from a long day of work. When I got there and asked what he needed help with he gave zero direction and a few minutes, maybe half hour, later would send the employees home and close the shop. Again, at the time, I probably looked a bit impatient and useless to the employee who didn't know why I showed up because, honestly, I didn't know why I showed up. He could've told his employees anything, like I'm controlling or I'm not very helpful with his business or I wanted him to shut it down and go home and tell them he wanted to stay open and keep working. I'm speculating here, but with all the manipulating, lying and gaslighting tactics I've seen him use on me and others. I know he schemed and plotted to sabotage the relationship and make sure it looked like it was my fault. And when we left he would always want to go to a little tavern where he would complain that I always wanted to eat out and he didn't have money to pay for the bill because he's paying all the bills for his business and he has enough stresses and pressures in his life. I just ended up paying because I would get tired of hearing a grow male who is capable complain about picking up the bill when going out to eat was his idea. He ended up with a younger girl that works for him right after he made me homeless. And to this day he believes he was in the right and entitled to betray me.

Thanks to God for not letting a toxic relationship, or marriage be the cause of death because it could've happened a long time ago!

I have lost all hope in the male population. Am I right in thinking every man is using, abusive and direspectful?

Menta Abusive is real.

This video really brought perspective to my life with my ex husband. I had some unanswered questions which I think I can close as solved now. Thank you.

Great vid

If someone threaten you in a joking manner. Know that every joke has a little bit of truth in it. If they can say it they can definitely do and will if you allow them. Couples shouldn't play fight, push eachother, throw objects at eachother in a violent manner, violently shake eachother, threaten, hit, punch, bite, stab etc. A person that loves you will NEVER harm you physically or verbally. Like Shumake said abuse doesn't start physically it start off psychologically. Anyone that loves you isn't going to tear you down. There is a difference between criticism and straight tearing someone down to make them feel awful. Ex: Criticism: I like your presentation but I think you should add music to make it more entertaining! Tearing down: Lol you are going to present that?! You are definitely going to fail. You are so stupid you can't even do that right.

It’s very difficult to have a financial future after your abusers fuck you up financially. You’re basically at a dead end and sometimes the only way out is homelessness until you pray to God to fix your finances. Some abusers trick you and you end up financially dependent and with no access to a bank account or job. They fuck you up THAT BAD. Some women really are down that bad. Some women get their kids ripped away from them & get kidnapped and admitted to the mental hospital & the abuser tells everyone to not trust the victim or listen to her because they are “crazy” or “mentally unstable”. And the abuser drives the victim up the wall with crazy making behavior and sleep deprivation and then does reactive abuse to further their smear campaign and bash on the victim’s name. Some narcs get their victims arrested & put restraining orders on them when it should be the victim putting a restraining order on the abuser. We women are trapped

Many women can't leave

I don't care how much I love you YOUR name will no adorn my body...unless we are married and create a child I will do his initials + my initials = our child. I have heard men tell their friends abut getting the girlfriend pregnant so they can't leave. I am not going to lie I have actually hit my partner as I was leaving the room with a pillow and I know I was wrong but as you said I just got so tired of trying to talk to him. It is because of this I knew I had to just distance myself, no one should feel like that, it isn't healthy.

Good one.

Men/boys can be so mean … poor women

15:43 YESSSSS And TEAR YOU DOWN THEY WILL!!!!! Believe this ☝️ Typically emotional/mental and/or verbal abuse WILL eventually lead to physical abuse.

I feel so dumb because this is literally my last relationship. I thought he never was abusive physically cause he never struck me but grabbing and pushing you is the same thing 😅 😮 I got out but every time he would say he’s gonna off himself if I leave him etc he got a tattoo after we broke up of my face 😮and I moved across the country to get away from him because he was harassing phone calling messaging me even after I blocked everything and then followed me from nv to Florida. And I’ve made it clear we’re done because he had an explosion of anger towards me out of the blue about cheating to find out he’s the one who cheated on me since the beginning 🧐 and now I think I need a restraining order …

Thnx

The number one reason i stayed or "tolerated " him like towards the end was because it was easier to pretend we were ok and have an idea of where he was than to break up and him scare the shit out of me with stalking and popping up on me to beat the hell out of me you know. I was dead already i was an emty shell i had to get smart and really risk my life in documenting it very patiently and very carefully.. with Yahuah i or we didnt become another statistic . Honestly i was blessed i had wasnt in some of these other womens situations that they bravely take on that absolute TERROR of not having anything or being able to financially go somewhere besides a shelter i mean the most dangerous time is when you made up youre mind you are done. The fucked up part is that legally the law is enabling the abuser ad too many courageous women have died or have been severely injured or eve disfigured that it makes this so sadistic. Respect love not many men i hear speaking on this with sincerity and Honesty thank u ❤

My brother has actually called me out my name . And he’s my brother . I don’t think I care to love him anymore because this video made me see that he’s not a nice person. He acts like this and still he doesn’t say sorry or show empathy

2 months into dating long distance and he’s mentioned a couple times that he would k*ll me if I left him. And the reason I believe him, is because of his past violence (which I just found out about). I was supposed to fly out to see him in 3 weeks…and now I’m scrambling to figure out a way to end things without him snapping.

i dont know how you know but you explained it perfectly.