Spooky House: The Worst Halloween Movie Ever 

"Never been an orphan" is such a hard flex.

Imagine your wife pretending to be dead because you said I hate children.

this feels like a mythology thing "woman turns into jaguar to punish her husband that hates kids"

I think Zamboni is actually shockingly logical. He's a depressed eccentric magician, who lost his career because of what he thought was an accident. Let's not forget a bunch of children also did keep showing up and breaking into his house, so it was very logical for him to yell at the kids for continuing to pester him. The only part I don't think he's logical, is the end where he just forgives his wife, like bro you really just going to be a Jaguar for 11 years without telling me.

Princess (the goat) was actually Max's biological mom the whole time, she turned into a goat to punish him after he said that he wouldn't eat his vegetables.

him: i hate children her: 🐆 CONSEQUENCES

When he said “there’s a crazy twist at the end” and then “you’ll remember we haven’t seen the jaguar again yet” I legitimately thought the kid was gonna open the rocket and get mauled by it

In regards to the bit about the Jaguar getting her tail "ever so slightly" stuck in the couch and appearing to be in agony over it - any cat owner can tell you that that's exactly what would happen. Doesn't matter that she's a majestic killing machine made of pure muscle and, I guess, magic - any cat that's lived under a domestic roof having meals freely and regularly develops the most SEVERE baby brain imaginable. This is the most believable part of the film to me.

Lesson learned: Don't tell your wife you hate children or she will turn into a jaguar for 11 years

Moral of the story: always have a good right cross

I was legit thinking that the mysterious woman hiring the teenagers to steal was gonna be the wife the whole time

As a woman, I can say I would also definitely fake my death and turn into a magical jaguar for 11 years because my husband said "I hate children" to me in the middle of a magic show performance, instead of talking it over with him reasonably. Very realistic. 10/10

“I hate children” ✖️ “ *I ate children* “ ✔️

The lesson of this movie is: if you want kids but your spouse says no just turn into a jaguar for 11 years and they'll come around

Imagine being some random guy in the audience with no clue that she went missing just thinking he made someone random woman appear

Actually at 18:03 the “nerdy girl” is actor Simon Baker who is a Native male of the Squamish & Haida nations as well as Cree! I get why you could’ve mixed him up b/c of his hair but it unfortunately happens a lot to native boys. My brother used to wear his hair in long braids as a child & would get called a girl all the time, it made him so upset he ended up cutting his hair off. Luckily, he’s older now & has regrown his hair out again, it’s such a big representation of who we are as an individual & as a culture.

Everything you need for a good movie: 1. A creepy guy that likes to watch children suffer 2. An orphan that can't stop telling you about it 3. Exploding Wives

Lets remember, Zamboni was arrested on suspicion of killing his wife. So Dawn Star heard him say "I hate children" for no reason in the middle of a show, turned into a jaguar for 11 years and then came back and no one questions it. She framed Zamboni for her own murder so that she could live out her fursona.

I actually feel really bad for Zamboni. It's clear from the start that he didn't actually do anything to his wife, but he still gets dragged through hell over her disappearance. Kids messing with his property is obviously so common that he doesn't even react to finding his van torched. Then this group of kids keeps showing up and breaking into his house, basically harassing him. And to top it off, it turns out his wife turned herself into the jaguar because he said he hates kids. (And, yes. I did absolutely see that coming.) Really think about the ramifications of this. She disappeared and willingly let her husband get arrested and tried, let him take care of her like a pet living otherwise miserable and alone, and only decided to return when he had a change of heart and adopted Max, ultimately giving her what she wanted. That is so many levels of toxic and messed up. The bullies may have been the antagonists, but Dawn Star was the villain.

Wait so when she turned into a jaguar, Zamboni was like "I guess I have a jaguar now"? Like didn't question where the cat came from or whether or not he was qualified to take care of it, he was just like "hm ok".... what????

I thought when he said "I hate children", she ran away cause she was pregnant, and Max was gonna turn out to be his biological son.

I thought he said "I eat children" Instead of "I hate children" Lets just say I was concerned.

I like that Zamboni does not even question Dawn after she turns back Like she framed him for murder and let him simmer in his trauma from literally killing the love of his life and he doesn't even flinch when she appears again Shit I guess he's just that good of a performer

the fact that the guy who plays the great zamboni had previously starred in schindlers list fills me with indescribable emotion

"i hate children" *becomes a magician, a popular thing children are into*

"I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE." " *~~ooooh... I bet he DID kill his wife* "

i feel like zamboni getting mad that random kids keep breaking into his house is absolutely fair lmao. that felt like the most realistic part of the movie

This is a movie that you’d watch in 2nd grade because you payed $5 for the pizza party.

Max talking about the house: “So, this could be an office...” “Or maybe a nursery.”

audience: “this man killed his wife” zambony: “i loved my wife” audience: “ok he’s innocent” zambony: “....but i hate children” *law and order theme intensifies*

I could not stop laughing at the fact that those bullies opened the pumpkin expecting to see a child's mutilated corpse.

22:23 she legally became a pumpkin

Bae says he hates children. [Slap him again] [DIVORCE] [Turn into a jungle cat]

"I have nothing to live for anyway" Somebody get this kid a therapist 😭

that awkward moment when you hear your husband say he doesn't like kids so you frame him for murder

Wait does nobody else have a room specifically made to hypnotize people? 😂😅

Wait that isn’t normal? My grandma was a pet lizard for 40 years because her husband said he didn’t like cherry pie

Me sat here like: "the fucking jaguar's gonna explode too"

If I had a nickle for every time Danny made a video about a movie where a middle-aged man suffers a great loss and goes on a journey of healing that ends with him adopting an orphan I'd have two nickles... which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice

'Never let them know your next move' really applies to this movie

That awkward moment when you're a magician and your furry wife turns into a jaguar and frames you for murder for 11 1/2 years because you don't like children 😳

Please make a "I hate children" song with a "can't believe this nononono" chorus

I didn’t predict it until you said “but the jaguar hasn’t come out yet” and I was like “wait… it’s gonna be the wife, isn’t it”

I've watched this video so many times, it's one of my favorites. But I only just now put the subtitles and realized Zamboni says "what I said that night was the cruelest thing..". I always heard "the coolest thing", like he was proud of just randomly saying "i hate children", and that was just hilarious to me. So needless to say I won't be watching this video with the subtitles on again

Zamboni: low key traumatizes children and is accused of blowing up his wife Max: You are my da~ad, you’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie

if this movie was a john mulaney quote: “I LOVE MY WIFE. I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE”

If he's being blamed for potentially murdering his wife and then years later is walking around with a jaguar on a chain, I'd say he prolly did it. Lol

I honestly feel like they were going to try and turn this movie into a TV show and that's why they introduced so much weird stuff like the theme song, some villains, and the fact that the kids had a hang out spot

just a magician whispering "i hate children" in the middle of a trick completely unprompted, you know, as one does

Imagine writing a female character who was so 2D she literally turns herself into a jaguar for 11 years because her husband wont have kids with her

Bruhh i legit thought that the plot twist was that he had ACTUALLY killed his wife because she was pregnant (explains why he muttered "i hate children") and was acting weird because of all the guilt and adopted max to see how his life would've been if he would've let his child live

The most unrealistic thing is that Zamboni just watches the kids get scared. I might just be weird, but I'd be laughing like a maniac if that happened to me.

I just want Shrek 5 already

Dawn Star really stayed a panther even when her husband was put on trial for her murder

out of everything i'm most impressed with how he's able to separate his eyes to match the paintings

I thought for sure Dawnstar left because she was pregnant and when Zamboni said he hated children she ran because she didn't want him to know. I thought the twist was she comes back and tells Zamboni the kid he adopted was his son, she gave him up to avoid being a single mom but now they can be a happy family. Didn't anticipate "Panther!"

Max is the best part about this movie. He’s so unnecessarily depressed, like they have no reason to have him in the movie lol

I like how he calls it a jaguar, but then thought it might be a panther, then just settled on jungle cat.

someone give whoever performed the "spooky kind of guy" song a massive raise. shit slaps.

Honestly, the craziest part of this movie was the magic collar at the end rewriting history and materializing stars for a new constellation.

“Is that even legal to do can you just walk a around with a jungle cat” uhh yeah probably in Florida

sitting down and having a long talk with your husband about the possibility of having kids in the future < turning into a jaguar until he changes his mind

i thought the twist would be that his pregnant wife ran away mid disappearing act, had max, died and the great zamboni was actually his dad

in retrospect, the scene with Zamboni walking with his jaguar on a leash is much creepier.

Can’t wait for Danny’s new song, “Can’t Believe This No No No”

Max is like a 6 year old child, and he really talking about how he has nothing to live for. smh

When Danny said he was walking a jaguar, I for some reason assumed he meant the car, so imagine my absolute surprise and delight when it was instead a big kitty cat

I love Ben Kingsley so much, he has this amazing cold intensity. It’s not only amazing that they managed to get him for this movie, but also how the director managed to make him so weird he loses all his charisma. Kudos to them tbh 🤣

Plot Twist: Princess the goat is actually the goat from Goat Story

I love how in "Monster House" the kids lose a ball or something, but in "Spooky House" the kids lose...a goat.

Nothing is more eclectic than Sir Ben Kingsley’s acting career. He was in “Gandhi” playing GANDHI. Schindler’s List, Robot Overlords, Night at the Museum, Moses, Species, Boxtrolls, Ender’s Game

13:17 Calling it now. The great zam boney is max’s dad.

Is no-one gonna talk about how these high schoolers are messing with like 3rd graders?

6 year old kid- "I have nothing to live for." Jesus Christ. He sounds like someone in a midlife crisis. Lol

So how did he end up with the pet jaguar? Did he just walk out the door and the jaguar was standing by the steps and it’s like “wow, I’ve lost my wife in a tragic and inexplicable way but now I can have this sick pet jaguar that I know she’d never let me have”?

4:01 I get that reference Best vine ever

Danny’s set up has changed. We are now Greg again, officially.

"I didn't kill my wife!" "Ooh who's that fella? I bet he did kill his wife."

Magician: speaks The orphan kid: I like your funny words magic man

You know, I'm a sucker for found family stuff, and although this movie wasn't too great, it could have been. Great concept, poor execution. Anyone else agree?

Wife: *blows up* 11 years later Man: *walks around with murder animal after murdering wife*

Danny: He’s walking with a Jaguar. He’s walking with a panther. He’s walking with a jungle cat. He’s walking with a murder animal.

This feels like a fan fic story of Severus Snape 😂 like I feel like Im watching a terrible remake of Harry Potter or something

I think the wife told Zamboni she's pregnant, therefore the "I hate children" comment, and she got pissed and was like "I'll show him!" and decided to come back only because he stopped hating children. I know that's a stretch, but who'll stop me.

i thought zamboney said “i ate children” i hate children makes a lot more sense

I feel like the kid is WAY creepier than Zamboni. Zamboni is just like "This kid keeps making all these very obvious appeals to try to live with me. Fucking weirdo is going to stab me in my sleep."

I find it kinda funny how Ben Kingsley plays a creepy man with a black panther as a pet, then also voices Bagheera, the black panther in the junglebook live action remake

why did i genuinely cry when he said he was adopting max as if that isn’t what the entirety of the movie is leading up to

Why is he named after a machine that cleans ice rinks. I can’t get over it

Finally an accurate adaptation of Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban

I love how the kids keep breaking into his house but the movie makes it look like Zamboni is the bad guy. Like, um, teach kids not to break into other people's houses? No wonder he yells at you. Also, yes, it's weird he says "I hate kids" to his wife during a show, but like, he could have said a lot worse. He's allowed to hate kids. Like damn Dawn Star, he didn't cheat or murder someone or say some kind of horrendous thing; he just hates kids. People have done worse.

"But things really start to pick up when someone steals their goat." -Danny 2021

spooky danny

Wife: *turns into Jaguar for 11 years* Husband: makes sense

plot twist : the wife didnt turn into a panther but when the panther was spinned in the rocket they somehow switched places from the other side , so the panther is stuck now

To be fair to Zamboni, if I offhandedly told my wife I hate children and then she fucking EXPLODED? Yeah I'd be pissed if kids broke into my house. I'd be weird as fuck later on. Everyone thinks I blew up my wife but she exploded all on her own I'm just as confused.

The Great Zamboni: *Takes off mustache* Also The Great Zamboni: *Turns into Severus Snape*

Are Dan Boney's bones squishy? Does anyone know?

If I had a nickel for every time Ben Kingsley played a depressed former magician who's life is turned around by a little orphan boy, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice

me when I turn into a panther for eleven years to teach my husband a lession