Anger is a punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s mistake This means giving someone else power over you Every action has a reaction! *solution* 1) stay calm! -> do not give them the power
@@Onlinesully by definition surely a cliche is broad brush! The problem with a statement like “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission” is that it assumes you choose your feelings. But we know that many feelings, especially when in the context of strong words or threats, are instinctive and not chosen. I suppose it’s easier after the event to rationalise it.
@@MarlboroughBlenheim1 yeah, it is so difficult to rationalise in the moment. to hone this skill is so huge. I didn’t. yeah cliches tend be broad brush and overused….and in my opinion are thrown around in the wrong contexts way too often. your comment made me think to look up the dictionary definition. and it make sense. “phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.” For me I had really terrible things happen, and people did make it worse throwing the cliches at me. would have helped more if they’d taken time to listen and to discuss possible paths forward together.
No. That's bullshit. if some twat (the guy in the video) came up to me like that AT WORK every day,🙄🙄🙄🙄 I'd invite him for a drink AFTER WORK, then once outside and Man to Man, I'd sling him up against a wall and say: 'You EVER diss me at work AGAIN, you will end up in the back of an ambulance,' Lemme tell you ALL (including you Scott Stalwell).....Something: This guy in the video ( a bully/a pussy) will 1 million %, take that on board, and never EVER fu*k with ME again. End of: TRUST ME.
Scott, bullies are everywhere, Now, due to the social distancing, even on zoom or face time, their toxic negative energy pops out of the screen right on to you, I see exactly what they have done or try to do, sad to say I have to turn face, swipe the screen or go incognito, because staying calm is healthiest for me, Thanks for sharing, appreciate it. 👌😊👍
This helped me so much, a group of 4 teenage women tried to provoke me and my friend 20 minutes ago just calling me names and the typical stuff. This video helped me stay calm, I also told them that provoking me or other people isn't a good idea and that it will get them nowhere. After around 10 minutes of harassment they left me and my friend to our devices. Thank you so much for this video!
I always react and response when being provoked because i used think if i dont react/fight back/retaliate, i feel like i am a loser, and i think the enemy may thought he win the war. But this is actually wrong,it only make the situation worse, and interminable. I hate that i am so easily being affected when provoked.
Great video Scott! Yes, getting angry is not the answer and like you said, it's actually a punishment. Stay calm and be aware of you feelings before you react.
My challenge is that whenever i adress something calmly (and for that i already have to overcome my own fear of conflict) the other person starts to gaslight me. It feels like a defeat each time and it eats at my confidence...
Dude i kinda know you what you mean almost all of your. Different periods places in my life i lived with alot of different people most of them were provoking more or less to some degree against me. Now i live by myself thanks due to the help i got from my dad which i own him a big time I know the feeling you have. Because deep inside i have the lust desire to provoke them to anger point that they get physical against me. But you know when you live with someone together you arent 100% free to have the decision to rather ignore or have the free opportunity to retaliate. Sometimes i had some obsessed revenge issue to the point of stalking harassing them to getting law suits against me. it was when i left some of the places i lived with them I knew those rules didnt count for me anymore because we dont live together anymore so i could do anything against them what i wanted. But i am speaking as someone who got bullied in early childhood thats why i am kinda this way
This video makes me feel so much better cause we all know people who like to poke fun such as the guy with the black jacket on the right lol.😂😂Thanks for this video.
I really appreciate this. As a person who has a toxic sibling and in general have difficulty knowing when a person is joking or serious this us very helpful as I have a tendency to be defensive
I don't wanna hurt anyone but I get angry when people make me angry I just hit them badly and when they cry I become happy but after this vid lot has improved THANK YOU
Dude dude never resort to violence it is only them who wins against you. Because the cops trust more their story than yours if you hit them. Words when retaliating are harder to prove against. Only do it if they get physically against you in terms of becoming violent threating against you
Take ten seconds before you speak. Take a sip of water when you feel like bursting out. Say you'll take their ideas into consideration and get back to them on how it went.
"With great self awareness comes greater confidence." Learn about your (problems), (fears), and (doubts), anything weighing you down and come up with counter measures against them. It sounds difficult and it is difficult much more than you might think but if you are able to master all of those things then you will unlock the final and simplest from which is just (not caring.) If you are wrong admit to it, everyone is wrong at least once in their lifetime the majority even more so that is the truth and people who do not accept that are delusional. One of the major problems with society today is "people want to be perceived as right by others instead of actually wanting to be right", instead doing the right thing, accepting they are wrong and bettering them selfs as a person they think of accepting responsibility as losing" As long as you understand this you will more often than not win a (righteous) argument. If you are 100% in the right and the other person has no ground and is trying to make a platform out of fin air, you have the library of ignoring any point they have, you have the liberty to (not care) if you've got the confidence. If the person at least has 10% of a point then I say be the reasonable person and validate that one point. It is always good to picture things from the other person's point of view not only will it help you more but you shouldn't do it just because it gives you the advantage, that's not the point it helps you become a (better more understanding and reasonable person) which the world needs more of, if this has at least helped one person then I have done my part and wish you a better future. Thanks for reading to the end 👍
The role play is helpful and seeing them as children makes them less of a threat. I do belueve that there is something behind the person making them behave like they do. Something super natural so.ething that has followed and influenced you from birth and knows just what buttone to push. Thats what we are fighting in my opinion. Thankyou.
I tell my subscribers that a way to stay calm is to avoid triggers. And I am someone who battled anger for decades. There are also daily things you can do. Physical fitness is key because that unwinds the mind as well as the fitness part. Then I add a "Mind Workout." Fifteen minutes when I come home from the gym. It can be yoga, tai chi or whatever meditative art suits you. On top of which I add habits that take no time at all. Slowing your breathing when talking to someone who is starting to aggravate you. Avoiding media that amps you up--including some music if that does it for you. But you practice this daily and soon you will develop a new neuro program in your wiring and calmness will become a part of you. Hope that helps---Charles
Great, video Scott. "Stay calm when provoked" great lesson. It is interesting how people deal with critics. You seem to be so nice that you are not going to provoke many people at all Scott. (I connected to you through Ed Mylett).
Hey Steven, thanks for your kind words. You know, my past self would have some elements of both sides but the important thing is to be self aware to grow and improve right. #maxout
I got a question tho what if you ignore and all those things but lack confidence inside to stay a float once the battle is done? I’ve been in situations where I’d either ignore or stated my opinion and when the person disagreed they would insult me and belittle me. But I didn’t lose it at least not that time but it stuck with me. Basically how do I have the proper tools to deal with it but struggle to have my own personal tools to not let it keep getting to me??
I like your video because you demonstrate it in action so that we can see what you say in action. It’s good to see your playing act. Please do more so that the audiences understand you clear.
My son in law often provokes me with comments that are so sensitive to me (and untrue). When I defend myself he blows up at me and sometimes stomps out, leaving me hurt and bewildered. The problem js that he is so good at it, I don't see it coming, and when he speaks I am not even aware of the fact that he is provoking. He will make untrue, hurtful comparisons between his mother and me, regarding our grandparenting, in a derrogatory manner, which hurts, because I adore and love my baby grandson. I am a good grandmother, and so is his mom. He always grabs me by the jugular (figuratively speaking) and always catches me off guard. He is a Navy Veteran (not honorably discharged) and has been trained to interrogate and provoke. This one may be out of your league, but I need help keeping the peace. Thank you for your videos.
Very good video - I also read in a Zen book, you need to give up their world. Dont react, say sry I didnt unterstand you and ignore them. Its very usefull
i wish i could go back in life, every encounter i've improved, not going down the rabbit hole, my husband said rabbit hole? the first time i said i wouldn't follow him down the rabbit hole😂😂. it seriously helped me just answer back, calmly, just saying a simple answer
Great video, first one I've seen from you, surprised it hasn't got more hits, but I guess that's RU-vid's algorithms for yeah. Only thing extra I would have really liked to have seen him is a demonstration of reacting when treating the provoker the same as a baby
Thanks, I recently had a incident at work where a co-worker put bad parts into my machine, while I was away, and resulted in making it look like I was to blame, needless to say I was angry, this person never apologized, to this day, My boss warned him not to do that any more. But he goes around telling peeps that I was a Di** about it, hard to know how to handle this kind of situation, as it has lead to some people treating me different at work, so that somehow I am the bully, for sticking up for myself.
If anyone's ever heard of it and go to ballymakenny college but school in Ireland in my opinion lot of people there language teachers and lot of people to help me and let me tell you I have not lost my temper years only a few days ago I got a bit impatient when I had a headache when one of my friends annoyed me but what does not that serious I'm happy with my school I'm happy with my friends I'm happy with the help and grateful for the teachers that help me 😊
So, there's a guy who provokes me without any reason. We aren't friends, I don't know him much, in instance we never had a conversation. But still he provokes me without any reason. I don't understand how to deal with it. I mean I can fight, I know moves, I train boxing but fighting without a reason isn't my style. I feel angry but I am trying too hard to control it. What should I do now? I am confused, if I beat him will that make it over. Will it be over?
No no if you start hitting him. It is only him that wins on that psychological aspect. And in some countries like mine. It is actually illegal to use martial arts even if they started it = attacking you. It is only them who is winning in court against you and you lose. Just a example
Hey Scott, I am a woman, I just turned 27, I work in this shitty ER and I am absolutely miserable because I am angry all the time due to these asswholes who keeps provoking me, the thing is when I get passed off I say the ugliest words, and I know that so I have developed this strategy of walking out of the room when I am about to explode, 3 days ago the administration representative employee brought me a rude lady who kept cussing at me and I was trying to get out of the room until her husband tried to grab my badge to get my name to file a complaint against me, and that was my explosion point, I don't even remember what I said, I called him a donkey and shoved my palm in his face pushing him out of my way and stormed out out of the room, now I am getting called to my boss's office with the notice you will know what is it about when you get there !! I am so upset with this, I hate people grabbing me by my clothes especially men !! I don't know what to do, it's a shitty job but I need it for now, I don't wanna lose it over some asswhole and his wife !! It's just not fair !! That was when I realized that I could have ignored them and acknowledged the administration guy that I don't wanna be in that room with this aggressive man !!! I don't know how to defend myself now when I get confronted at my boss's office, especially that I am not sure what I said to the man, even though he was assaulting me by trying to grab me !!!!!!!
This is what Happens !!!! They will provoke u till u react and play victim it’s so sad this world is cruel . But I can suggest u to tell ur boss happened if he hears u and he is a good person to understand u won’t have anything to worry about .
My daughter is an assistant manager The co of the company invited her to a big meeting while the manager was away on holidays After the meeting she was asked to go on a managers course that they seen her going further with the company that in the 5 months she was working with them she had improved the sales in her location and had the highest in ireland 3 weeks b4 that she was in hospital and was out of wk for 2 The 7 days she was back she was flat out and they said that the sales dropped when she was off and came back with her long story short Manager heard all this and had something smart to say about her when she was sick it got back to her and i said to my daughter ye see she was to nice to your face and stabbing you in your back you go to work as usual in the morning and pretended she has special needs protect your self and be nice bit protect your space
Wow, never thought that Anger was personal punishment. Is that conscious breathing part of mindfulness? I need to learn to duplicate myself in a video please show me your tricks?
GOD definitely sent me to your channel 🙏 Because I am dealing with a person that is trying so hard to get me angry or upset etc There trying REAL hard Thanks for the advice ✌️✌️✌️
Me too. This person keeps harassing me trying to make me upset or angry. You know what’s worse it’s a neighbor so as much as I want I can’t avoid that person and my dad doesn’t believe me.
My mom is a professors and I remember accompanying her once to work. We were walking across the quad when we ran into a lovely professor and we’re chatting with her. Another professor joined us and she was aggressive and rude literally threatening lovey professor that she will be kicked out of her job ( won’t bore you with the background Argument between them) I was horrified with the whole situation and my mom was trying to diffuse the situation but to no avail. Lovely professor just stood calmly didn’t say a word. When horrible professor finally said her peace and shut up daring lovely professor to say something. Lovely professor ( I kid you not, I saw this with my own eyes) burst out laughing. Bid my mom and I adieu and walked off still laughing. She didn’t even acknowledge horrible professor. I swear to you horrible professor had a mini stroke because she was speechless and when she finally opened her mouth her sentences were incoherent. My mom and I politely excused ourselves, walked off and died laughing. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Respond with amusement. It won’t work in all situations but I think 80-90% of negative situations can be solved with amusement. If at least to relive your own anger / tension. I try to be classy yet assertive but sometimes my demons take over and the culprits get a good rise out of me. I give them exactly what they want. But I always remember lovely professor and vow to be and do better next time.
This neighbor keeps provoking me trying to make me upset or angry. I don’t know what to do? It’s a man. Him & his daughter are trying their best to make my life miserable & the worst I have no where to go. And these people won’t leave me alone. Ohh Lord please help. I just want to move out. Far away this person. So that’s why I’m here. I’m being bullied by some neighbors.
This is fantastic! I find I'm better at staying calm in business situations (I know it has nothing to do with me) but it's more difficult in my personal life. I'm getting better though!
@@ScottSwalwell I'm just not paying as much attention and I tend to compartmentalize too much. It was only recently that I realized the skills I learned for my business development apply everywhere.
@@AmandaAbella I imagine it's because there's accountability for you in the business world, in a way which you don't necessarily apply mentally in your personal life
I have a coworker who is older than me, he's divorced, broke, fat, a loser. We make the same $ per year, but I have a business and make 5x what he makes. This guy is always trying to provoke me into overreacting and doing something stupid, like knocking him out. I think that is exactly it, they are trying to provoke you into doing something that would make you look bad and possibly get fired. This guy is always shooting his mouth off trying to say I'm not doing my job, etc, he's not my boss I'm like dude mind your own business.
Yeah how?. Most of those provocative people i met in my life are pathological liars they say the complete oppesite if you begin to asking them what is your problem with me or that
All very Zen yes - but you know, in the seminal movie American Shaolin even the Buddhist monk loses it and kicks the shit out of everyone. You get angry at yourself, to punish yourself for not being sufficiently quick-witted to retort well, or adequately prepared to deal with assholes. Such that, next time, you will be. It only takes a bit of practice. Have a handful of strong snappy comebacks ready to go - to illustrate, in your example role-play 'you're not very good at your job are you' - 'yo momma thought I was great at my job last night'. Then smile, calmly. U only need to smack their arse a few times, then not only do they stop bullying you, they probably think twice about bullying others, I've seen it happen.
