IMHO work life boundaries are essential to protecting your vibe AND preventing career success blockers. How much have you thought about your work life boundaries?
Coming from a workplace where my boss INSISTED we become friends and even copied my hairstyle, hair colour and even clothing I learned the hard way that strong boundaries are critical.
My number one rule at my new workplace is I have no one on my social media, acceptable topics I talk about are sports , trivia topics about the world and business, that's it.
@@TapiwaMunyanyi some rude people will judge you even why you won’t share, how you should make friends, how you are not team player. That happened to me because I had boundaries, from person who wanted only to use me for her purpose 😊 but I’m strong in my mind so when nobody can break your nerves, when you play like politician with those ass@@@@ you win.
@@EpicDreamer_ Exactly ,you've hit it on the nail , I only socialize for the purposes of networking getting to know more about the company which is pretty much about it. It's a balance of being serious about business and having the human element aswell as you can't be hostile, also paying attention to body language is super important.
My canned response to the "What did you do last weekend?" question: "Not a whole lot. Pretty chill. Housework and relaxing." Doesn't matter if I had been in Vegas that weekend on a whim or if I had been kidnapped and held for ransom. Same answer--"Not much. Pretty chill. Relaxing."
This video is Everything!! I worked for a large corporation once. I was “close” to about 20 people. We all over shared and talked about our personal life. Everything from finances to what kind of partying we did over the weekend. I was young and fresh out of college. I wanted to be accepted by my coworkers. I fell into the trap of false friendships simply because we saw each other everyday. It’s really easy trap to fall into. Everyone else overshares so if you want to fit In you feel you have to. This affected me getting a promotion because my supposed “friends” all gossiped and talked about each other. As time went on I noticed that upper management did not talk about their personal lives. They kept it superficial but still were likable because they talked about relatable things. New restaurants in town, tv shows, their kids baseball team. I eventually left but looking back we were all so unprofessional (me included). I learned the hard way that the majority of your coworkers aren’t your friends. They will repeat and will judge you.
I'm sorry you learned this one the hard way. And I totally know how hard it is where it feels like the culture demands it. Funny thing though is that most people are just really concerned about themselves and won't notice when you're not oversharing details. (We'll leave the hypocrisy of their gossiping behaviors alone, because I assume the same coworkers would be outraged if you and gossiped about them)
Funny that those who poke their nose in your personal life or personal 'you' are the same people who wouldn't share anything about them. It's all about the control of the information. I agree that most people who are friendly at work have an agenda at work so you don't want your personal life info to become a commodity they use to thrive and go up the ladder. I have a couple of those around me at work and I try not to say anything too personal. Those people have no life or hobbies or interests or friends or an inner life so they thrive on Gossip.
I have a need to live in the here-and-now. So at work, I focus on the work. Out of work, I focus on whatever I do. I become frustrated when work colleagues focus on other things when at work, and want to talk about - for instance - what they did the evening before. There''s a time and a place for everything, and talking about one's private and home life is not appropriate when the day's work needs focus. It's the same as when one takes a lovely walk in nature, aware of one's surroundings, but one's companion wants to spoil that by talking about a book they've read. Such people should come out of their heads and become aware of their surroundings and of the here and now. From that awareness, appropriate conversation flows.
What about people who come to you to overshare? I have never been asked to share, but some coworkers seem to think I care about what their ex wife or her kid did. I am cool talking about hobbies but I wish a couple coworkers at my office would stop coming over to talk about their lives. Is not like I encourage them since I don't share mine, I listen to be polite but I just don't care.
You are not obliged to care about anything anyone tells you. You can redirect (need to get this email sent!), or if someone is oversharing information that makes you uncomfortable, it's fair to say that too.
I have a coworker who does this to me, it's so weird! I think it's because they don't have anyone in their own lives to share the information with, so they just "infodump" on any listening ear.
@@Fourwindsofsuccess Yea they will over share their life experiences,and some might even tell many emotional stories but its all a trap to make you share yours. Watch how they change when you refuse to answer they will call you Proud bitch or Overpompuous dude
I overshared by venting about another coworker's bad work ethic (not her personally), and that spread. She was told what I said and now they are gossiping about me and giving me toxic treatment. Becareful when you overshare. I always had the motto that we are there to work not make friends, but began to believe these people were friends. The person I vented about was a friend, she took what I said personally and does not want to talk to fix the problem; therefore I can't attempt to apologize nor do I want to be pushy.
I have a coworker who keeps asking me what I did the previous weekend or what I'm going to do this weekend. I never go into detail. Once when I just said I stayed home he said "Was that on purpose?". I wasn't expecting that question. Sometimes he asks if I have anything fun planned for the weekend. Once I just said "Not really ". Then he said "Some days are better than others.". I didn't say I was going to have a bad weekend. I was going to have a relaxing & enjoyable weekend, nothing worth talking about with him, nothing he would consider "fun" like going to a party or a concert.
I'm glad that you brought this up, because neurodiversity absolutely comes into play here too; there is so much less cognitive load for neurotypical folks to navigate these dynamics and boundaries and is sadly another way the world is optimized for them.
I was seated at a table with coworkers at Training. During a brief break, one of the coworkers asked if I had children. I was truly surprised, as I’m an extremely private person. I responded that I don’t talk about my personal life. I felt embarrassed for her, but she should have not placed herself in that position. She responded by showing me pics of her children to save face. It was super awkward.
Never overshare with anyone that's not willing to do the same especially in a relationship. That makes for the worst relationship ever. In business make sure that of you decide to let someone else take control of everything your still involved. I love when my employees come to me with all there work problems because I put the human in work. Not only that I'm known to make it fun and interesting not hogging the work experience.
I have a personal rule about not letting my private life impact my work life. Having said that, ten years ago, my wife was diagnosed with a rare disease. It was the first time in 13 years I had EVER missed a day of work and my wife was in the hospital for a week. Fast forward ten years and we've traveled all over the country to try different treatments and meet new doctors. I rarely make an issue of it except to let my team know if I need to be away from work for an extended time (like FMLA). People will occasionally ask how my wife is doing and I believe they are genuinely sympathetic to us. But, the only thing I can say is this is a battle of inches. We are better off than we were ten years ago. But, we still have a long road ahead of us.
What I did last weekend? I usually go for short answer in one or two sentences max because if I try to give longer version people stop listening and start to mind wonder :D exceptions are rare , usually if I did something really interesting that people are genuinely interested.
This hits an important point: most people really care most about themselves. Not saying that as a bad thing or with judgement or shame... just a common dynamic.
My boss and I are good friends, one thing though I don't ask questions like that and she doesn't ask me questions like that. How we manage to be friends it's weird.
I was communicative and respected others but when I saw that my manager asks personal questions and then using it against me, bringing me to the point where I should justify to her why I am living like this, etc., some non sense that it is not her concern, I always think twice before I speak. There is no full tactic or preparation- you must just follow peoples behavior and act accordingly, how they deserve and fit into your agenda.🙏 of course, she said how I’m not communicative, not a team player LOL (I must say that because I work everything alone and In communication with lots of people) and lots of other things that is not true just to present me as someone not adequate or less worthy, but it is always like that when you have integrity and don’t want to be manager’s puppet. And I will always say : Great people don’t need anyone’s approval to glow. They have work, performance and results. Small people even when they try to make it big, they stay small.” Enough said. Great video!❤️
I found out this, that coworkers are not friends, when something happened due to a coworker asked me a question about another co worker, and she ran and told said coworker, who then ran to HR. I keep it water-cooler talk from that day forward.
And sometimes the lies are obvious! I have a guy saying that he stayed 9 hours over, even though that's impossible because the other shift would've taken care of what was left over. I couldn't call him out on it, but I did question him, and that pretty much ended the conversation
Hi Jennifer - Dodge the question by changing the topic is usually pretty effective as is a non answer letting the co-worker know this is not a comfortable subject to discuss without committing yourself to any view one way or another. Remember what you heard & use it with the person in subtle ways to accentuate your points in the future. The minor details are nice to drop into a conversation. Have a Great Day 😃
You got that feedback from your boss or coworkers? Because if it was the boss I would simply say yes I am private but that does.not affect the quality of my work. I'm polite and professional but I prefer to keep things as work only while I'm here. If she/he chimes back with being a "team player" I would chime back with saying I am a team player when it comes to doing my job not sharing about my personal life. That's what I get paid for. I don't feeling comfortable with diacussing much else.
Because it’s a bait and switch set up to get you to soil your teas lmao. It’s that simple. You can be cordial but you don’t have to be overly friendly to everyone there 🙄
@@dctrbrass Yes they do encourage it. Managers will talk a good game about how they love to manage people, but when it comes to work conflicts or dealing with a narc, they don’t. Managers will just repeat that everyone is there to work and they expect people to work out their issues with each other. That is just BS. I can be focused all day long on work, but if the manager hired a difficult and uncooperative employee, they have actually created a problem for their staff and instead of them dealing with it, it becomes a problem for the staff to handle. Kind of unbelievably twisted and it is exactly what is wrong in the work place. The inmates are running the asylum.
Man this is a TOUGH one! One time, a young woman (late 20s) made a joke about a banana Tupperware looking like a sex toy. Our boss joined right in. Then they went out for drinks after work and talked shit about me (as a colleague informed me) for ‘freezing up’ in response to the inappropriate topic from earlier. I tried to discuss with my boss AND her boss in a private meeting, that I felt my boss’s behavior was unprofessional and what resulted was a year of micro-aggressions, gossip and abuse. Wasn’t until another colleague stormed off on the job for a similar offense that my boss and her cronies found other jobs and quit.. I actually quit as well bcs I found a better opportunity making more money elsewhere, but I still feel like I lost in the end. I loved that job, it just sucked working there for no money and bad colleagues, bad boss, etc. oh well..
@@se2664 I was a substance abuse counselor, but I gave it up after that experience. Decided to just work a whatever job now and find fulfillment elsewhere
Trying not to talk about past Mental health in new job but trainer got us talking about what happens when not resilient. Negative and sad. Tomorrow's subject Trauma! 😄 FFS.
Remember you can differeniate: you can speak about the topic without a) personalizing it, and b) sharing your own. If they are asking employees to talk about mental health issues and prior trauma, this is also a 🚩🚩🚩🚩
@@JenniferBrick I am writing that down on my notepad for a reminder tomorrow. If I don't 'share' it they won't know, I just need to hide my dislike of the topic, not good at that, I either zone out or become abrupt.
@Deborah a week or two ago I did a video about staying positive in a toxic environment, the tactics I share there will serve you well to prep, cope and decompress.
@@brightspacebabe I don't like that question when they ask me because I don't want to tell them what I am doing on my day off and also I don't want to lie to them .
For me, is simple. When someone asks me questions that are none of their business, I answer with an incredibly obvious lie. The truth is that my coworkers had absolutely no idea who I am, and what I am about outside of work, and that is how it is supposed to be. Therefore, If they were to try to attack me by using something related to a personal anecdote I "shared" with them, I simply laugh inside, and this has happened by the way.
If people ask some strange stuff I usually ask Why are you asking this? or Why are you interested in this? People usually don't have real answer for it + it makes them looks weird like why are they really need this information. People usually answer that they don't need this information or they were just curious. You are perfectly would be ok to not comment on this any further. Like several moments of silence. It would be a little bit giving them a cold shoulder but they would get that you probably didn't like this question. But don't do it in aggressive manner. You lose your cool you already lost.
I like this, especially for boundary crushers who don't take the subtle or direct hints - but the gotcha to be careful with is this can trigger shame. And many folks don't deal well with shame - and they'll act out on it. when we make someone feel bad about themselves they project that to not liking us; which inherently doesn't matter, but these may be the malicious gossipers or the ones who have the boss's ear - so read the situation fully including the risks involved 💜
@@JenniferBrick I agree with you in this as well. It reserved for only strange and way out boundaries questions. One girl was asking about niche question about my sexuality and some preferencesand without any apparent reason. Some people just ask some questions without thinking to much about it. I also liked what you said about narcissists. Wow it's really hard to deal with them. Some people would not actually care how their the most bizarre questions make you feel and would laugh in your face about it. It is bad if we remember that you and them barely even know each other besides name and job title. But if people are normal is always better to try to give them benefits of the doubt and try to give situation positive spit at the end :)
Hmmm. The idea of responding to "How was your weekend?" with "I choose not to discuss my personal life at work" seems odd to me. Of course you don't need to share all details of your life as if your co-workers were your best friends, but you need to be able to be a bit friendly. Sure I could work with someone who answers this way, but I'm going to end up treating them mostly as a cog in the work machine. If that's what they want, then fine. But many of the improvements in work in recent decades have been due to management treating people as people, not cogs.
Honestly I don’t like sharing anything about me personally to coworkers who are not POCs. I rarely get overly friendly with yt colleagues the pattys and chads because they’re more likely to try getting me fired
i made the mistake by over sharing. guy seems cool and very talkative but i feel i messed up by over sharing cause i notice he talks to alotta ppl and it’s mostly in spanish so idk if he will tell others what i tell him and there’s no way ik cause he speaks mostly spanish
This really comes into play for me because I do standup comedy on the side and I don't share my videos or invite coworkers to shows. I'm always worried about what might make its way to HR. 😄 On the flip side, if you want to make friends at work, you need to share and be genuine. This is especially true if you want to get together outside of work.
Hello Madam, I have a question, is there are any consequences if decline job appointment letter after accepting (if appointment letter mentioned specific class as " if I don't join on said date, need to pay damages and need to appear in court). Please clarify - Thanks
I was working at a pharmacy for 10 years, me and my coworkers we shared everything, we all know every single detail about each other private life, and when someone cried all of us was there for her. I really miss working with this group. Because when you work at office 🏬 it's not the same thing there is a lot of offices politics 🙄
