This works for non abusive relationships. This is dangerous for people in domestic abuse situations. Don't kid yourself, if it's not safe, get out. You can't 'story' your way through abuse, it's very harmful
I watched my step mom roam in and out of delusion when describing her abusive marriage to my Father for years. The same story of any experience was spun in one of two different ways, depending on if she felt she needed to reaffirm the facade to make people jealous which then validated her choice to stay with him. When she finally acknowledged the truth, she was able to *take action* and change her life dramatically for the positive. No matter how much you "bright side" your life, perspective may change the way you feel about things, but it won't "manifest" a new life, and it won't change the facts.
I love this. Been married for 2 years and we haven't been getting along so long lately. Its those 2 year blues. I will take your advice and retell my story.
We are actually in process of divorcing. We were married for 4 y years and he had been cheating and lying the entire time. I finally listened to my intuition. Now I do agree that sometimes the story we tell ourselves will get you through those very very mundane or irritable moments. I do not feel that you can't give yourself a pep talk when there is abuse. Always put you and your safety first.
Great talk. Just wanted to clarify that according to John Gottman having five positive interactions for every negative interaction applies when we are in conflict. When we are not in conflict we want to have an even greater ratio of positive interactions for each negative interaction.
@13.50 even if we feel better about our marriage because we keep saying good things about it. Isn't what we feel and what we actually going through are two different things?
11:43 is why you should never marry someone until you've come back down from the infamous 'honeymoon phase'... Save yourself a lot of potencial trouble... But for the rest I completely agree, and very engaging talker. :)
Honey you got married to a football star. That’s easy. Try being trapped in a forced arranged marriage and then tell me the secret to marriage success and happiness
Or maybe we're just lying to ourselves if we present our story in a different way for the sake of "making it work." If a marriage isn't happy, there's more work that needs to be done than just telling the story from a different perspective. I'm all about positive thinking, but there's a fine line between that and faking it.
I love your comment. The whole time I was thinking that too, and concerned that people who are in abusive or unhappy relationships might feel supported in doing what they already do and question their judgement. This is great advice for people who can feel certain about their station in life. I wish she'd warned listeners about trying to not give into the limerence as much.
@@AmbiPanby Warning definitely should have been mentioned that this advice is not a blanket rule for most relationships. The ones that are already pretty good it would work for that's about it.
