i was 13, he was 19. still haunts me to this day, i cannot even look at him without getting anxious. i am 19 today and i cannot even FATHOM how he couldve been interested in a 13 year old. this song speaks the truth for millions.
Just having left an 8 year relationshit with an abusive, malignant-covert narcissist, this song hits Hard !! On the ( long) road to healing, regretting ( him) all the time. Trying to get my life back at 38. 😑
I've seen a lot of talk about the 'give me back my girlhood" line, but the one that really gets me is "If I was some paint did it splatter / On a promising grown man". The twist on the famous "promising young man" line that is used to help abusers and all get away with everything is so clever, because she removes the "youth" factor, highlighting the age gap and imbalance in power, and it shows she never could have hurt him as much as he did back then
Yup, it's also a critique about when she came out with her first song about him. She got a lot of hate for it saying it would damage his reputation/career. Forgoing the fact that he was a grown man with a history of dating young women and this behavior was nothing new to him.
@@Deniz-gz4srTrigger warning ⚠️ The only example for you to understand a little that line that I will give you is that you imagine a five-year-old girl being abus3d by a stepfather or a cousin... It's so traumatic and it has consequences. That girl won't be the same after that, and she may feel like something was taken from her... her childhood
@@Deniz-gz4sr basically she was traumatized by her ex , he groomed and manipulated her , she probably lost her virginity with him and she was emotionally abused in that relationship
@@Deniz-gz4sr could mean many things, but one of them is her virginity, she might mean that John might have taken her virginity, her pure-hood, her girl-hood
The girlhood line is very powerful AND painful. But I think the part around 3:50 is severely underrated. She's musically screaming, repeating herself because no one heard her. Crying for help.
This is the song that fits the album concept the most. Its insomnia personified. When the sleeplessness hits you, all the gruesome harrowing memories are rewinding again and again to the point where it becomes unbearable. All the regrets and traumas come back at you. I really have a hard time listening to this just because of how painfully midnightsy it is.
That's a perfect piece of poetic justice/injustice...depending. The whole song is really well written. Her lyrics are always so uniquely special, hitting above or below...and we like this.
"Now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering" is the lyric that hits me. I love how this song captures the nuance/complexity of having some fault for pursuing an attraction to someone who's bad for you, while also holding the truth that, based on situational factors such as power dynamics, that person should never have reciprocated that attraction if they'd been ethical and responsible.
Nail on the head with this comment. This whole song is the perfect encapsulation of all the terrible and complicated feelings when you blame yourself for an abusive relationship, because you ignored the red flags. I had something very similar happen to me, and it nearly destroyed me. I’d give just about anything to go back and listen to the truth I felt in my bones but chose to ignore.
@Ummm I always interpreted it as this idea of her being super curious and desperate to know what it was like to be with him, but then she was with him, and found out how terrible of a person he really was, and wishes he would have just left her alone.
@Ummm I interpreted it similarly to Anjelica, and would add that she probably wishes he would have had the ethics and insightfulness to not take advantage of her youthful naivety
I was an 8 year old boy, he was 16 and my cousin. He r*ped me. I'm 20 now, and I can still smile. But, that smile isn't the same at all and I don't think it ever will be again. But this song helps me cope. Thank you, Taylor.🤍
Everyone talks about "give me back my girlhood it was mine first", but no one talks about "and now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering". The thought that comes to your mind when you found out something you wish you never knew.
As someone who experienced heartbreak and used Dear John and ATW to heal at a young age, this song hits differently. All the regret for the trauma it caused and how it messes with your healthy relationship even still now. “Now that I’m grown I’m scared of the ghosts, memories feel like weapons….. miss who I used to be” 😭 it’s so frustrating to have those intrusive thoughts and memories come in even though you’re with someone safe.
Yes!!!! Exactly. I go to sleep into this world that I wish I didn't have to live and wake up from something that to any other would just be a dream but to me is a nightmare. And I can't escape it because it's my coping mechanism.
@@JasmineBella I feel like this is for the pain that doesn’t get better with time. “This wound won’t close” the pain of not being able to get over it, even though it’s been 13 years.
exaclty! it hits home so damn much... only if someone has experienced at such a young age this kind of relationship with a much older person who just uses you can understand the growth between the anger of dear john and the regret and lasting trauma on this song. one of her best truly
This song is for all women with sincere intentions who, at a younger age, got predated on and manipulated by older men who knew exactly what they were doing. We were young and it was never our fault. Everything will eventually be alright. ❤
I was 19, he was 31 and married, expecting me to save him from his marriage... this song calling 19 a child puts so much things in perspective after almost 10 years later. Taylor's songs are therapy.
Same here! Except he wasn't married - he was my high school substitute teacher. I sometimes wonder who I would've become if that hadn't happened. I'm 32 now and can't fathom wanting to date someone so young... even if they were as mature and optimistic as I was at that age. After being with someone so much older, it took years for me to be able to relate to guys my age. He definitely took something from me that I'll never get back. I don't think he did it intentionally, but the effect is still the same. Anyway, I hope you're happy and whole now. I've never really talked about that experience with anyone, but your comment hit home for me. ❤
I'm 18 and my current boyfriend is 25 now, you guys make me wonder too much about our relationship. He makes me the happiest girl in the world but also takes my innocent I should have at 18.
There is absolutely no reason why a 25 year old should be with an 18-year old. I am 21 and felt icky dating an 18 year old. Such a huge difference in maturity. Your brain is literally not fully grown! I'm at least 99% sure he's a predator. I know what I'm talking about. I was 15 he was 26. I was 16 he was 44. I was 17 he was 31. My whole life is messed up because of these experiences. These types of men are vultures and they can feel it if you are young and easy to take advantage of. Been there, done that. Wish I hadn't. Grooming is awful to break out of. The only thing that helped me was literally my brain growing which allowed me to reflect and make better choices. I'm begging you. Please stay safe.
@@kam-lw4ez I’m so sorry for your experience. You must have gone through the bad situations and it might haunt you now. I’m so sorry for it. However in my place, dating with a guy with a huge gap is very normal - my dad was 30 and my mom was 20 when they married. Our relationship is also wholesome, at least at this moment, but I will be cautious. Thank you so much for you advice!
'Living for a thrill of hitting you where it hurts.' Oh girl, same. I wish all of those who wronged us will experience the exact pain they caused us not to get revenge but for them to understand.
I think she's saying she wishes she hadn't wasted her time playing that game of revenge, because she was too young for that BS, and she deserved better- she deserved to keep her innocence in that sense. That's part of my interpretation of this song
“if you never touched me i would’ve, gone along with the righteous” gives me chills. it shows taylor’s realization over the 13 years between this and Dear John. In Dear John, she talks about the breakup. she was upset. this song.. she’s angry at john. she knows now that this wasn’t her fault. he was the adult. he looked at her. she would’ve never dated him if he didn’t look first. it was john’s responsibility as the grown man to know that that was wrong and that she was still a child.
This is definitely my favorite song on the album, maybe even one of my top ten songs of hers of all time. It’s so raw and vulnerable and emotional and real.
1:38 when she says "You're a crisis of my faith" and the church candles get blown out with the drums in the background. Splendid use of visual imagery.
This song right here is the entire reason for the 3AM version. This song HAD to be track 19. Knowing Taylor everything was designed around this song. Bravo. A fantastic song. One of her best.
As a child SA survivor ‘give me back my girlhood it was mine first’ hits so deep . She’s managed to perfectly capture the way so many victims deal with their trauma :often at night when they’re alone and everything that’s been repressed surfaces when you Just want it to leave your memory . I’ve never cried listening to a song but this one has me sobbing every time I listen, I fully resonate with the lyrics in the song . As usual Taylor has written a hauntingly beautiful masterpiece.
How does everyone seem to know this is about John Mayer? I guess I've never been into knowing about celebrities' dating lives. (Especially pre-twitter being what it's been the last few years. Now, I find out so much about celebrities lives just in passing from being on any part of the internet, but back then you'd have to really look to know.)
Taylor Swift has outdone herself in this song. The lyrics amazingly captures regret we have later in life. I love the line "I wish you had left me wondering". So many times because of our curiosity when we are young and impressionable we end up being around people who affect the rest of our lives in a traumatic way even if they were there for just a short time. They carry on with their lives but they change ours.
I'll know as a dude, I'll never truly understand what it's like to be a young girl/woman who gets preyed on by men and has her innocence stolen like that, but this song did its best to make me feel it, and it worked. This broke my heart, and now I'm wiping away tears. Don't ever stop writing Taylor
“Memories feel like weapons…” She somehow manages to write entire novels with just one sentence. I genuinely believe she’s one of the most important & best song writers of all time.
Agreed. She is so gifted and completely raises the bar for every one else in the music industry. I feel pretty lucky to be alive at this time and witness a legend in real time. She will go down in history like Elvis, Michael Jackson, the Beatles. Her song writing is next level. But this song is SO special. I hope she loves it too, because I want a video for this one.
@@Casser89 yeah and he's great but it's usually Taylor who comes up with the vast majority of the lyrics, especially for a heartfelt true story song like this :)
It could just be bc so it was track 19. But I think it's more that... she just released these, there was no build-up, no speculation, nothing. Just, here's the song. And maybe it scared her the idea of people speculating on this one.
3 am hits stronger than 12 am I think it was all about the concept I mean 12 am songs are more love the doubt and 3 am songs is pain something that you are feeling in all your body.
I feel like it made it even more impactful since we had all listened to the original 13, and then had that pause to process and then this one came out and it hit all of us like a truck
I know Taylor will never see this but I want to say thank you for this song. I know this song is about that relationship when she dated a 32 year old guy. But as a 20 year old who was SA'd as a child and never got over it, these lyrics just hit me and I couldn't stop crying. I felt seen and though I already relate to so many of Taylor's song, I felt like this one is mine. So, thank you, Taylor.
I’m sorry that happened to you sweetie ❤ I’m glad you found this song and that it’s helping you heal. Whatever it takes babe. If no one else sees this, just know I do. I see you and I feel for you and you are going to have a beautiful life just keep fighting. ❤❤❤❤🙏😘🫶
I have been groomed and assaulted far too many times for my own liking as well. This song hit me in all the right places and is so rightly articulated. More courage and love to you buddy, you are amazing!
Unironically. Taylor is one of our greatest songwriters. For all her superstardom, somehow this aspect of her talent is still underrated. This song is like being punched in the heart.
" I miss who I use to be" and "give me back my girlhood" are the most heartbreaking lyrics I have ever heard and when she said "give me my girlhood, it was mine first" she sounds like her old self and I can tell that she is still haunted by this relationship and this still hurts her
This left "All too Well" behind. The pain is 100x more in this one as compared to All too Well. The fact that Taylor still hasn't fully healed from that relationship tells how toxic it was. I want to say sry to her that she had to suffer this much. Mad respect for her for being so happy despite her experiences
she wrote and released all too well like right after everything. this is looking back way further, which is way more powerful. and it's a relationship more toxic than any she had
the songs talk about different relationships. they are different kinds of hurt edit: both are amazing songs and the way they communicate these emotions are so raw. all too well helped me vent out a lot of relationship issues as they were happening but looking back on that same ralationship i deffinetley relate to this more
The "should've" part is not here in this song. That part is back in "dear John". I'm in love with this woman's writing and how she intertwines her lyrics new and old to tell these stories
People continue to have the audacity to say shit like "all she does is write about her past relationships to stay relevant". This comment section alone proves how important it is for influential people such as Taylor to reflect and share their experiences to educate/comfort their following. The impact of this song is massive. Anyone who has been in a grooming situation, dysfunctional relationship, and so many other situations feels this song so deeply. It's not Taylor dissing JM for some views. It's her being deeply honest about a painful situation in her life, and sharing it with as as a warning, solidarity, etc etc. So so much respect to her for putting this out despite the inevitable backlash it would face.
I wish I could show this comment to someone I know who's only opinion about Taylor is "all she does is writing songs about her exs" but sad some people are just too shallow to even touch the surface of these emotions and too blind to appreciate the purest form of art such as this.
as someone that had their childhood stolen from bullying and family problems and their teenage years stolen from mental health issues, this song hits right in the heart, right where it hurts the most; so painful, but so therapeutic at the same time. Thank you Taylor, from the bottom of my heart.
Literally exactly my case 😭 bullying and so many issues from developed PTSD that further created even more trauma and I lost myself, my career for a while, and missed out on so much... right here with you on this one
@@DamienRaye totally feel you, the feeling of missing out on so much and having taken away what would've, could've, should've been yours because of something that was not in your control... sending you lots of love.
This is one of her best songs in her entire discography. I love it sooo much. I hope she will sings this at the Eras Tour. It’s getting less attention because it’s not on the original 13 tracks of the album. But I think it has the most numbers of views among the 3am tracks. I hope it will gain popularity close to All Too Well.
"If I was some paint, did it splatter on a promising grown man. And if I was a child, did it matter if you got to wash your hands." Gives me chills because she was only a teenager when she was dating someone in his 30's and he emotionally abused her at such a young age, didn't even realize he was hurting a child, didn't really care it seemed either. This is so heartbreaking.
@@SetASpark I'm 19, and i can confirm this. I am still growing up and learning a lot from a lot of different things and experiences. Some people are just heartless, you only become an adult at 18 legally, not mentally, emotionally and physically. There's a lot more to come, when you enter in your twenties. Our lives has just started.
@@lunakriman4333 Exactly. I'm 25 and I would never feel right dating a teenager. That age is still really young and 18-19 year olds are at the stage in life where they just graduated from high school. People in their late teens only become legal adults 1 year ago and haven't even had the opportunity to experience true adult life. Most teenagers that age still live with and depend on their parents. I have a little sister that is 18 and she definitely still acts like a child in terms of maturity. I am a grown man and it would make me feel like a creep to date a teen who just graduated from high school.
i was 15, he was 40 something and my best friends dad. this song perfectly captures how i feel after all of it. i don’t think i’ll ever get over it but hey at least i have this song to help me cope. honestly a masterpiece, i’m in love with it, thank you for sharing this with us taylor.
"Stained glass windows in my mind" The whole song is beautiful, from the first note that sounds like a creep from the corner watching you, but simultaneously alluring, to the shouting "I regret you all the time." But the stained glass windows is what gets me, cause. After being groomed, the victim is broken, having to put themselves together, and no matter how together we try to piece ourselves, the cracks and the blood in the glass is there. I have tried to convince myself for 16 years that the stained glass from my brokenness is beautiful, but it's honestly the most painful beauty that never had to exist. Please, find comfort in being heard and in company. Find peace. The past will haunt us, but I hope for a world where we are healed enough to not defined by our trauma.
This *should’ve* been part of the main album, I get that maybe is not the same vibe as the others, but for me, no song on midnights screams Taylor Swift like this one , specially if you’re familiar with the context, THE BRIDGE?? omg it’s the most powerful of the whole album I would say
no its ok. This is Taylor's career, and even if she loves doing this beyond the awards, we know breaking records and winning awards is important to her. She works really hard to it and is EXCELENT at it so let's respect her genious decisions. An album has to be cohesive and very cound to be considered "the best album". Let's not forget what happened to RED. Also there is nothing to lament since she shares everything with us anyway, even the songs that are amazing but wouldn't fit perfectly in that specific pack, so we all win 😁 But really, seeing and comprehending the strategies she makes to win in the industry is fascinating to me, and is another of the many many things that makes me enjoy her so much
I think it is so ironic how this song resembles so much of the relationship between her and John Mayer and she releases this song at the age of 32 which is the same age as John Mayer when he stole Taylor's girlhood. Just a pure masterpiece. so raw. so relatable. so beautifully painful which is everything I expected from this album
@swiftlore they dated in 2010 for 2 - 3 months making her 20 this song is about jake the girlhood line is simmilar to the scarf line in all too well and she says she enjoys hittin where it hurts she only had 1 song about john where it would hurt where as the entire red album is about jake pretty much
I was 17 when I started college, he was 22. I put off listening to this song for so long because I was scared it would trigger the memories again. 7 months since its release, and I finally listened to it. I'm not okay. it's hitting way too close to home.
I hope you heal love, I’m sorry you had to go though that you should be so proud of how far you’ve come and even just trying to listen is such a huge step and I truly hope you begin to heal!
@theaverageone9289 connor was still 18 though, it still feel like it's wrong to date with an age gap when you're young but still, under 18 should be strictly forbidden
I was in an abusive relationship in high school and the guy was recently released after being in prison for 6 years, for things that he did to both me and someone else. This song hits home for me. To all of you reading this who have been hurt seemingly beyond repair, stay strong and remember that you're worth it. ❤
My experience was pretty similar. Extremely abusive relationship in highschool I met him at 14 going into my freshman year and he was 18 on his second senior year. He got out of prison last year after doing 4 years for things he did to me and my sister. He’s engaged now and I’m so concerned for his fiancé but I can’t warn her without looking like the crazy ex. I can only hope he treats her well, even though I know it’s not likely.
"And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons." Every trauma survivor knows this feeling: the flashbacks (ghosts) continue to haunt you throughout your life, and the memories of what happened to you continue to hurt you over and over again.
It's crazy how songs can have a whole different meaning for others. I lost my best friend recently to drugs and we met when I was 19. As terrible as it may sound, sometimes I regret ever meeting him because of how painful it's been to live without him. The amount of love I had for him and time we spent being so damn close... there's a lot of would've, could've, and should've in my head since last month happened. I miss you Alex ❤
The transition between "I should've known" in Dear John and the rage you can feel in this song is something definitely cathartic. My heart goes to anyone who's lived something like this: it wasn't up to you, it wasn't your fault. I just can't accept how much this world still is a terrible place and how often victims are left alone... but no matter how some predator or people in a position of authority who choose to do nothing about it make you feel, you're not helpless and your voice cannot be silenced.
Taylor is unafraid to express her regrets, guilt and possibly raw emotions of gradually reminiscing and letting go of someone she knew deep inside wouldn’t be the right match for her. It’s as if she’s a magnet that can easily draw most of us to her in ways us people wouldn’t expect would happen.
I was never physically abused at all. But emotionally I was. I was 19 and in a very bad place mentally and emotionally. He was 28. He knew exactly what to say and do to take advantage of how deeply I loved him and I still battle with loving the ghost of what I prayed we could've had. I don't know yet how to shed the pain enough to love again. Or to trust. He stole so much from me. Took what I gave willingly and threw it back in my face when I wouldn't let him mold me into something I couldn't be. He took what little innocence an already old soul had left and I struggle every day with the self worth issues giving myself away to someone who didn't cherish the gift left me with. This song hits deeply in a beautiful painful way
As a divorcee at 19, married at 18 with a man who was 30 years older than me. I was lost and thought that he would be my savior. This song hits too deeply.
@@eselcool3720 Absolutely NOT!!! Adults are responsible for this! How did her family accept this? How did the authorities not investigate it? She was obviously a victim and abused !!!
@@Fouloul. ah okay, no bad feelings then? i have a hard time picking up on tone in comments lol- the situation the original commenter was in is so terrible, and i 100% agree that her loved ones should've taken action. i hope she's in a much better situation now
came to the comments hoping to see that everyone else thought this was their favorite song on midnights. was NOT ready for the amount of people sharing their own would've could've should'ves. i am feeling for each and every one of you 💙
As someone who lost their innocence at five 'give me back my girlhood it was mine first' had me sobbing on my floor with my hand over my mouth (no this isn't an exaggeration)
This song hits so close to home for me. Replace 19 with 15 and you have the story of how my life was changed forever by an older guy. I didn't think she could hit the nail any more on the head than "when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them" but I think she did with this song. I've never related to an artist quite like I have with Taylor. We're similar in age so I feel like I've grown up along side her. I see a lot of myself in her and she just totally encapsulates every situation I can think of, everything I've been through in life I can relate one of her songs to. This album has grown on me much more than it did when I first heard it. Some of her albums were instant loves but I wasn't massively keen on this one, in comparison to her others, but I was so wrong. It's brilliant. This, Vigilante Shit, Midnight Rain and Anti Hero are all total bangers. I felt the same with Reputation though, then some of my favourite songs of all time ended up being from that album.
This song has the lyricism of Dear John, the production quality of Haunted, and the bop-ability of The Story Of Us - in other words, it’s utter perfection and vividly encapsulates the Speak Now / John Mayer era of her life! Absolutely ADORE this song 💜
I know, I wish it was on the standard album and kinda wish it was the next single though it might not have the right sound for a single and is kinda dark.
*I love how this song is expressed through religious regrets to make it feel like this relationship you’re in was scarred from the start. it’s heading towards a doomed end inevitably and suggest that the person didn’t take their time to know what they were actually doing with the partner*
This is literally my favorite song by her of all time, you can just hear the pain and emotion in her voice and the lyrics are unlike anything she's written before. Goosebumps every time i hear it, I feel like so many can relate to these themes but no one is brave enough to sing about them. ❤❤❤
What I really love about this song is Taylor’s vulnerability in admitting to regret. I feel like “no regrets” is parroted so often and always wonder how many people truly mean it. More power to them if that’s truly how they feel. However, I know I’ve got plenty of regrets and though they don’t define me, I feel it’s healthier to be real with myself when I feel that emotion. Props to Taylor, this song is about as raw as can be. ❤
THIS, so powerful. She is admitting that she loved the pain and wanted the relationship despite it all but in the end it was still his responsibility to not take advantage
I’m so grateful for this song. I’m almost 35 and have gotten away from my abuser for 8 years now and it’s therapeutic to see that the feelings I have remaining are normal. Taylor I loved you before but if I didn’t I would love you for this. Thank you thank you THANK YOU.
I completely agree it's my new favorite taylor song of all time , I can't even believe I'm saying this but I honestly have no words to describe how hard it hits me and how much I love it
"Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first." The way this can relate to so many young women breaks my heart. A beautifully painful poetic description of a sadly common occurrence. Taylor knows just how to express the melancholic regret and suppressed anger of one who has experienced this, as she did herself.
i don't think i've ever experienced something like what taylor is describing, but this song managed to make me cry so many times. the pain in the lyrics and her voice gave me chills.
I thought the Grammys were all about teenage music being artificially raised to the level of fine arts... So I guess they wouldn't do it but I do agree this song needs more promotion, and many others in Midnights! I wanted to see her live playing these songs!!!
“Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first” breaks me every time, because while in her song it applies to a lost lover, in a lot of situations, it can apply to an abuser, and holy cow does it resonate
“Give me back my girlhood it was mine first” hits really hard after having it stolen when I wasn’t even conscious to make the decision. I was playing my music when I was driving and when this line came on I had to pull over because I started crying.
this is one of my favorite songs of hers of ALL TIME. “i regret you all the time” “living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood IT WAS MINE FIRST.” this is my fav on the album because it’s just too relatable.
It’s been 8 years now, but damn, this resonates with me. I had just turned nineteen when I started a relationship with a narcissist. It was horribly toxic and exhausting, and after I freed myself from that situation, it took me YEARS to recover. Sometimes there are still demons that lurk, and the pain has dulled, but there is nothing quite like the tough lesson of a first love hurting you. You remember that shit forever. You remember the pain and the lesson. And you move forward with the truth that you deserve better.
The line about memories feeling like weapons speaks to many of us who wish we could forget about certain things, but that isn’t how things are. A very great song by the queen, Taylor Swift 💜👏
